Could hardly wait to get outside, On this beautiful, beautiful day, Sunlight golden through the trees , Above me circling, a bird of prey.
The sky, a most perfect blue, An amazing moon is still awake, He’s not wanting to miss this day, So his precious time he decides to take.
The morning air is crisp and new, It takes my breath away, To see such beauty here before me, The world to me, a grand bouquet.
So on this glorious autumn day, Please lace my hand with yours, And walk with me on wooded trails, For there’s love and nature to explore.
By Andi September 28, 2010
My favorite season is here! It’s extra special too because twenty-nine years ago, I held my daughter, Denae, in my arms, for the very first time. What a blessing. Could FALL be any better?!
It’s hard to say goodbye to summer yet so very easy to say hello to fall. I’m pretty much a sweater and flannel shirt kinda girl. Although, while most girls look quite cute in their flannel, I look like I’ve misplaced my axe.
There could never be a more romantic season either. Fall tops all seasons in my opinion. Bonfires, starry skies, blankets, and cozy movie nights at home. There’s definitely something special about that little chill in the air.
I get excited about corn mazes, hot apple cider, friends and family around a bonfire, pumpkins, watching combines bringing in the harvest, mallow dogs, scarecrows, frosty breath, and rosy cheeks.
Fall is here! And I am glad!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Denae! ♥️
Andi
Photos: internet; pathway photo is mine, September 19, 2021
It is Sunday morning and I found her lying on her side, fully dressed, and with her feet hanging off the bed as if she sat down and just plopped over. I bent down and quietly called her name and wished her a good morning. With eyes closed, she responded with a good morning and, “Where are you taking me now?”
I asked her if she wanted to come with me to hear gospel hymns and go to worship. She said she just couldn’t this morning because she didn’t feel well. The bright sunlight was coming through the window and when she finally opened her eyes, her aged face unexpectedly lit up brightly when she saw me, such as I’ve never seen before. To me it as though she was seeing an angel. Not that I am one, or would ever claim to be. But I believe the way the morning sunlight was shining from slightly above and behind me through the window it gave the essence of something holy. The golden beams shot through my long, wavy hair and the sunlight surrounded me. I felt it’s warmth against my back. Betty’s face and her smile…oh, so radiant. I saw a glow in her eyes. I wondered if this would be her lovely expression on the day she sees Jesus in all His glory. She reached up and lightly touched my hair and told me how beautiful it was. It was a moment I will never forget.
When she sat up and we both came back to earth, we talked a bit about the gospel songs she loves. Then I asked her what her favorite music was and she said country. I told her I would come back later and we’d listen to some country music together.
After lunch I was able to see her again. I found a classic country station on Pandora. I turned it on and like magic she was a young woman again. Betty was clapping her hands and tapping her feet and singing some of the words. I could just imagine her at home, wearing an apron, and dancing away in her kitchen to country tunes playing on an old AM radio.
Betty stopped clapping periodically only to tightly hold my hand in both of hers, while continuing to sing and tap her feet. In-between her singing, she’d thank me, and then thank me again, for bringing music to her.
My visit with Betty made my day. No, actually, it made a deep and lasting impression on my life. We enjoyed each other’s company for a mere twenty minutes. Sadly, I knew it would all be forgotten by her once I left the room. But it was so worth it. Worth every second.
There’s something pretty cool about being in a woods after a good rain. The eerie silence is broken only by occasional birdsong and the gentle after-shower breeze which pushes droplets of rain off one leaf and down to another.
The wet carpet of leaves, moss, and fern give off an inviting aroma which draws you further into this wooded paradise. Magic.
I could spend the rest of my day here but the rain has started up again and sadly, work calls me back to the office. Truthfully, I’d rather be called by the hooooot of an owl, the chatter of a squirrel, or the crunch of leaves beneath my feet.
There’s just something wonderful about a forest after a gentle, cleansing shower. It’s cleansing for the soul too. ♥️
Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? ~ Matthew 6:26
Give it to God.
We were not designed to carry the weight of our own burdens, let alone the weight of others. I have this tendency to claim your issues as my own and pack it tightly on top of my mine in my weighted backpack. You know, like those used in training. Remember, we were not even designed to carry our own.
Give it to God.
Our Creator designed all the living creatures of this earth. He takes care of their needs. They do not work the earth yet God feeds and cloths them. Do we truly understand our value to Him? He didn’t promise Heaven to the birds of the air. They were designed for the beauty of this earth. The same with all the sea creatures and land animals. Yet, God takes care of them.
Understand your value, your worth. You are precious to Him.
Continue to pray for each other. Pray for the evil that is running full throttle, near and abroad. Pray for those in leadership roles who have power to stop some of this evil. Pray without ceasing and with gratitude.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Yesterday as I drove to the other office, a 40 minute drive, it only took a split second to know which playlist I was going to listen too.
I had recently purchased one of my very favorite albums of all time. Homecoming by America.
This was the second album for America which was released in November 1972. I would have been eleven at the time, but it was definitely my go-to album when I was feeling restless or when I was in my dream mode from about 14 on up. In those days, my then best friend, Judy, and I were dreamers. Well, I still am. But we had dreams of getting on the road and taking off west. We were kinda in hippie mode. Our hearts were free spirits and we were going to explore the world together.
Our first journey was going to be the Grand Canyon. We were going to rough it. Mules would take us to the bottom and we were going to sleep under the stars. We even started making durable pillow cases out of remnant pieces of denim. Can’t be a free spirit, or a wanderer, without your pillow. I look back and smile at the memories and dreams of those two innocent, young gypsy wannabes.
This album, especially the song Ventura Highway, takes me away to many beautiful places, both in my mind and on down the road. As I drove west to work, I thought of those carefree days and of this young girl’s dreams. I watched the colorful tree line against the early morning sky. Fall has the magic touch of creating the bluest of all skies.
Ventura Highway. What a great song for a wandering heart. Even watching for “alligator lizards in the air” (cloud formations) sends me back to that same kind of peace and continues to fill my soul with dreams of what if.
I hope you have your own Ventura Highway memories that warm your heart. I have many such memories throughout my life. Pleasant moments to distract from a sometimes harsh reality.
Have a wonderful weekend. I get to wear my grandma face today as my granddaughter will be visiting. I can’t wait. ♥️
There’s a bar here in town that’s been around since 1950. My dad used to go there in the late ‘80’s when he lived in this area. Sometimes it’s quiet and sometimes it gets loud with the entertainment, and some of the craziness of the younger generation will drive us older people nuts, but mostly you can have a good time with your friends. And if you walk in without a friend, you’ll probably leave with at least one new friend. Not meaning that in an off-color way so get your mind out of the gutter. 🙂
One night I walked in and the bartender asked me what I wanted. I said, “Well, I want something strong, sweet but no pineapple, orange, or coconuty stuff.” She said, “I’ll be right back.” She returned, handed me a tall, sweaty glass, and waited for me try it. It was delicious. She said she tweaked an Alabama Slammer. It was amazing. From then on this new drink was known as the Andi’s Special.
Whenever I would go there I’d ask for it by name and they’d make it for me. A couple of my friends started asking for it as well. But the two bartenders have been replaced. So I keep the recipe on my phone which is a good thing as I want others to make it. The owner of the bar has made it the best so far. 😉
That’s all I have for today. Oh except, I wouldn’t advise drinking too many of these the night before you have to go to work. Cheers!
Fall is here although it doesn’t officially begin until next week. The air is damp and chilly, but the morning sun casts the warmest glow on all that is before me.
I am grateful for this day even though I know it’s going to be a difficult one. But God is gracious to give me a beautiful start to this Thursday.
I love it when one of the girls in the office asks me if I’d like to get the mail. It doesn’t happen very often but when it does, I get excited. You see, I don’t drive to the post office, I walk. And today was a most perfect day to say, Why, yes, I’d love to get the mail for you.
And so I grabbed the mailbox key and headed out.
There are many things you simply don’t notice from a car window but you most certainly can on a walk to the post office.
Our town was settled in 1821 but didn’t officially become a town until forty years later in 1861. Today it is home to over 10,000 people.
The old buildings around the square have had recent face lifts and are quite charming. Their age is still quite apparent in the moldings, trimmings, and brick. Even the doors and windows still show their age and I’m thankful for that. We have a Heritage Wall with plaques of all the different events that helped shape our little community. A bank robbery by a notorious bad guy is my favorite part of the history here.
Colorful murals have been painted on some of the buildings and they are quite tastefully done. Many of the sidewalks have been replaced but you can still find broken, cracked, and uneven remnants of once-upon-a-time.
An old building on a corner is now a real estate office and their old but freshly painted iron rod fence encloses a beautiful assortment of flowers. Across the street is a restaurant/ brewery. I remember when it was the old NAPA store. I appreciate when a building is reused instead of torn down.
I moved here in 1990. And this is where I raised my kids. I have memories. The town was pretty run down when I first moved here although there was a JC Penney’s on the square along with a Sears appliance store. I wish they were still here! But the town was suffering maybe in part because a huge company was shut down in 1987 and a great many people lost their jobs or were transferred to other states. It wasn’t until about ten years ago when things took a turn for the better and grants came in to help with renovations. People once again took pride in our hometown.
After I pass the Heritage Wall, but before I get to the post office, I pause in front of the building where I worked for a florist for seven years. I see the outline on the concrete ledge that supported a long flower box that we watered everyday throughout the summer and decorated for winter. I peek in the windows and sigh a little as I remember. I think of the magic that once was. The flowers, the gifts, the special holiday events, and the customers. In the main room still stands the cooler from the 1940’s. It is big and beautiful. So many good memories! The shop had served the community for 110 years before it closed in February 2019. That was a sad day for me. For a lot of people. It’s hard not to tear up while I stand here reminiscing. One day I will write a post about that magical place.
When I get to the post office I see it’s age too in the pillars and concrete steps. The words United States Post Office etched across the top of the building are almost eligible due to the weathering of time. That old building still has character.
So many places I could write about. And I will someday.
I treasured my walk to the post office. I thought of the old, old days and also of the days not-so-old. I stopped beneath a tree planted on the corner of Vine and Washington. It’s leaves and berries already shades of fall. I felt the coolish breeze and thought how wonderful it was to be there.
Walk to the post office whenever you can. Pay attention to the little things because the little things are most often the biggest and bestest things in life. ♥️
We all have one. You know…the one friend who knows the right things to say at the right time. The one who can lay it all out for you to see and no matter what it looks like you understand because it finally makes sense. Even criticism of the nastiest part of you doesn’t seem so nasty coming from that one particular friend.
They don’t shame you but shape you to be better person. Their gentle yet firm presentation makes all the difference in how it is received by you and their honesty is worth more than all the riches of this world.
That one friend… …is a rock in your life. …follows closer than your shadow. …is a keeper. …is a gift from above.
Yesterday I did quite a lot of work at home and my body feels every bit of it today. My back, arms, and feet hurt. My hands are calloused and sore. I cleaned out my shed. Cleaned around the fire pit. Filled in holes in my yard. Cut down a huge bush and removed the root system.
I used a variety of tools throughout the day. A couple of different rakes, brooms, cutters, and shovels. It was when I was removing the root system of the bush that I realized I was making the job harder because I was not using the correct shovel. Then I realized I was using correct one incorrectly. Make it work for you popped into my head.
Make it work for you. It is the purpose and design of every tool to make your job easier. If you use it incorrectly, your job is harder, or it may not be done correctly, or even at all.
We use tools on a daily basis. Maybe even on a minute-by-minute basis. We use tools to cook, sew, for gardening, in construction, and to work on cars. The need for tools is endless.
We have also been given tools to help us on our spiritual journey. Prayer is a tool, our means of communicating with God. Jesus is our intercessor but I’m not going to refer to Him as a tool. The Bible is a tool as it is the instruction book to life and godly living. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people is a tool for strength, comfort, and fellowship.
While I said earlier you need to make the tool work for you, that is the truth with most tools. But God is a bit different. We don’t make His tools work for us. We don’t make God do anything. We desire and allow His tools to work in our life.
Tools are quite handy if you use the appropriate one for the job and then use it correctly. Same with the tools for a godly life. Use them carefully and with a willing heart.
Have a great start to a great new week. Pray for our country. 🇺🇸♥️
I was blessed with three beautiful and wonderfully amazing girls. Truly blessed. The truth be told I didn’t want girls. I wanted a dude ranch of boys. But wow, when my first daughter was born…well, there just are no words for the love I felt for her. Then with the next two…yes, my heart overflows.
But as time moves on so have my girls. Not that there’s any less love, no…things are just different as they have moved into adulthood. As it should.
I look forward to this weekend when all my girls will be together again, including one of my granddaughters.
But there is one girl who is kinda stuck with me even as she ages. Nyx.
I discovered just how connected we are after these past difficult weeks. Her demeanor changed. She wasn’t happy and even distanced herself from us at times. She wouldn’t eat. Playing was minimal. She hardly smiled. (Yes, dogs smile.) It was very clear that she was confused with these new intense emotions that she was picking up from me. Even though I was trying not to express these emotions outwardly dogs have this keen sense of sensing things that are internal. My daughter says that they can pick up these emotions with their sense of smell. All I can say is dogs are amazing creatures.
When I got home from the hospital after my hip replacement, Hercules was so attentive. He always knew when I needed him most and he would stay by my side. He knew when I had hard days or when I was sick. He handled those sensitive times very well. It came natural to him.
Nyx is a different dog as she has many issues of her own. Topped with mine, she didn’t know what was going on and I feel she was almost afraid. Over time as she heals herself, she will be more capable of sensing my emotions and not be afraid.
My girl and I. She’s a one person dog and I love that. Herc was all over the place trying to protect us all. Not that Nyx wouldn’t protect us, she would. I see that in her. But she just hangs out with me. She follows me everywhere in the house. If I make a move, she follows. When I am at work, she pretty much stays in one place until I get home. My daughter says she is a completely different dog when I am gone. She can’t even touch her until I return. Then Nyx will allow it. Kinda breaks my heart since I’m gone for ten hours a day.
My girl and I. Hopefully, we have many years to spend together. I can’t even imagine how hard it will be for the other if one of us passes. She’s my girl for sure. And I sure do love her.
I was talking with a friend the other day about the sedum outside around my deck and all the creatures that love that particular flower. There was even a monarch butterfly landing here and there on the blooms. This monarch is the fourth and final generation of this season that will make its long trek to Mexico. Amazing. My friend and I talked about how creative God was when He designed all of these creatures. Why did He do this? Was it because He needed a bazillion types of butterflies, insects, and flowering plants for Himself? Why did He give dogs such amazing intuition? Did He design all these for His enjoyment, or for ours? Or, perhaps, both?
I believe God gave us these as gifts. He knew we need beautiful things in our daily life. We should be grateful for all the variety, uniqueness, and specialness that is wonderfully woven into all of His creation.
Thanking God this morning for His infinite love for us. From the time of creation through all of eternity. And I thank Him for my special girl, Nyx. ♥️
We all remember the moments of that day. The day we cried and the deafening silence that came after.
The skies were blue and quiet for three long days, and so were we as we tried to digest what we saw over and over on our television screens.
What happened that day? We will never know the absolute truth. We all have our theories and opinions. Were we attacked from the outside or from within? Maybe both, perhaps. Someone knows. And most assuredly, God does.
But the fact remains many many innocent people died at the hands of evil. And we still have our questions of why, and of how could this happen here in America.
A young New York firefighter perished that day. His wife found out two days later they were expecting their third child. She had a son and named him John after his daddy. I believe this hero was a distant cousin of mine as we bear the same unique last name. My mom wore a bracelet engraved with his name, found his mother, and they kept in touch for awhile. My mom eventually sent the bracelet to the family, a gift for the son that John didn’t know he had.
Regardless if we personally knew anyone who perished, or of the heroes who worked endlessly to search for the living buried within the ruble, a part of each of us died that day.
We must never forget the love we had for each other in the days that followed. It’s sad to think a tragedy is what it takes to unite us as a nation. We have the capability to love one another. We proved it that day and for a short while after.
9-11. A day that scarred our country forever and showed us our vulnerability. May we continue to learn from that tragedy and may it never be erased from our history.
I woke early with a heaviness on my heart for someone I love so deeply. To see firsthand the pain that one person’s actions can inflict on so many others is almost unbearable.
And I feel helpless.
But God Who is so gracious knows all. And while we do not always understand what appears to be silence on His end, we can be assured of His promise to never leave or forsake us. Hebrews 13:5-6…
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”
We do not comprehend all that is going on behind the scenes. Maybe the safest place for us to be is right where we are. Maybe He is preparing a way out. Maybe we need to learn something. Or, maybe He’s working on the other side of our problem.
But we should never doubt His love or His presence. I have been presented with this over and over and over again. Doubt leads to so many negatives. It is not conducive to a good or godly life.
The pain is very real. And God Almighty has numbered every tear. He absolutely knows our pain. Sometimes we have to be our strongest in our weakest moments. As impossible as that may seem at the moment, we still need to function as others depend on us. We need to pull our strength from God.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Isaiah 40:29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Psalm 59:16 But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.
My prayer today is for strength. Strength for all those who feel weak. This is the time remember God’s promises. This is the time to find comfort in the arms of Jesus. He will lift you to higher ground. Keep the faith. And be ever so grateful. ♥️
I was stumped on what to write tonight. Actually, I’ve been running on empty the last several days. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with several things this week. Tonight, I decided to go through my 20,000 pics on my phone to see if something might strike up a post. That’s when I came across this picture. A perfect visual to describe the condition of today’s world. Division is in our families, our schools and communities, and our nation. Even the whole world is divided.
What does God say about division?
Romans 16:17-18 I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.
Matthew 12:25-26 Knowing their thoughts, he said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself is laid waste, and no city or house divided against itself will stand. And if Satan casts out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then will his kingdom stand?
One of my absolute favorite verses…
1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.
Is our world in a confused state? Is there peace among us? Or is there division? Are people turning on each other? Can we distinguish between truth and falsity? Just know that this madness didn’t come from God.
If there is ever a time to be united with one another and with God, it is now.
A child is the most beautiful gift of all. There is nothing more precious than their wonderment of simple things.
I was blessed to spend time with my granddaughter at my 60th birthday party. She was certainly the highlight of my day.
Adorned with her wings, she giggled and squealed with delight as she chased hundreds of iridescent bubbles for a good part of the day. While I didn’t have a pair of wings to wear, I did enjoy watching my granddaughter dance around with bubbles in her hair. I even chased a few myself.
Have we truly forgotten what it was like to chase bubbles? Or, to wear a pair of imaginary wings? To build forts out of sheets or sail away to distant lands on couch cushions? Sadly, we’ve left so much in our childhood. Playing pretend was how my siblings and I spent much of our young years. The joy of being a child. You just don’t realize what you had until you relive it through a child’s eyes once again. I think with all the stresses of today’s world, we could all use a big dose of bubbles, especially shared with a little one wearing magical wings. I know I could again.
B*U*B*B*L*E*S. The joy of being a child. The joy of remembering. ♥️
Philippians 4:6–7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Praying you might have a peaceful rest this night. ♥️
All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small, All things wise and wonderful: The Lord God made them all.
Each little flower that opens, Each little bird that sings, He made their glowing colors, He made their tiny wings.
The rich man in his castle, The poor man at his gate, He made them, high or lowly, And ordered their estate.
The purple headed mountains, The river running by, The sunset and the morning That brightens up the sky.
All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small, All things wise and wonderful: The Lord God made them all.
The cold wind in the winter, The pleasant summer sun, The ripe fruits in the garden, He made them every one.
The tall trees in the greenwood, The meadows where we play, The rushes by the water, To gather every day.
He gave us eyes to see them, And lips that we might tell How great is God Almighty, Who has made all things well.
All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small, All things wise and wonderful: The Lord God made them all.
Author: Cecil F. Alexander, Hymns for Little Children, 1848
This poem popped into my head today as I sat outside on this gorgeous day. I am grateful for all of nature. The sights, the sounds, the smells…it’s all so wonderful to me. It’s almost magical in how it makes me feel.
No matter what is going on all around me, nature remains the same. It is just about the best friend you could ever ask for. Even a simple breeze across my face is soothing. I believe God gave this to us as a special gift. He always knows exactly what we need. ♥️
As I sit in my Lazy Boy with my Sunday morning coffee, I reflect on the last week. Actually, I’m reflecting a little further back about a month. Lots of life changes packed in a relatively short period of time.
The changes aren’t all good per say, but the lessons are. Whenever life challenges you, you must take what good you can from it or it’s all for naught.
My heart is still heavy with many things. I am, after all, a mom, a woman, a fixer-upper, a human. I’ve always been this massive sponge. Not only do I absorb your problems along with mine, I try to fix everything. And I cannot. Many things are not mine to fix. Many things are better left in God’s hands because I see through weak human eyes.
I have to say that the last month has been more humbling than all my months combined. I am not the same. Nor do I want to return to that girl of yesterday. Her priority was all wrong.
After admitting to God that His will is so much better than mine (less painful too), I find great peace and comfort in my own home now. I have felt displaced for such a long time. I didn’t feel good anywhere. Here or there, or anywhere. A stranger in my own home. But the grass truly isn’t greener anywhere else and my home is a blessing, a sanctuary. Wishing for everything you don’t have is vain. I see blessings now because I quit fighting God. I have been humbled on many levels.
Up until recently I had been wondering in great detail what my purpose in life was now that my children are grown, my grandchildren are far from me, and I have no husband to care for. I felt I was just taking up air and space and that my life was truly over. I actually questioned my very existence. My expectations of what life was to be at this age is nothing even close to realty. I need purpose.
Well, I am certainly discovering what my purpose is not. *It is not to be in charge of some spectacular feat. *It’s not to control things that are not mine to control. *It’s not fearing and worrying, or instilling those in others. *It’s not to be recognized as someone with great knowledge, wealth, speech, or motivation.
No, it appears my purpose is subdued. It’s quiet. It’s behind the scenes. No recognition. No monetary reward. I believe my purpose is to be available for others as needed. I am to be a strength, a prayer warrior, and maybe even share a little wisdom and guidance. It may seem like such a small responsibility in our worldly view of things, but I believe in God’s eyes it is mighty.
I’m on the downward side of this mountain of life. I can’t say that I’m thrilled with that reality at all. When I reflect over the years it’s very clear that my life was messy. And it affected the lives of many. But I’m not so arrogant that I cannot admit my failure. I wish I would have allowed God to open doors and clear those thorny pathways. No, I had to be in control. But we cannot go back to change a single breath in our life. I will use all that I have learned, and am learning still, to help those seeking guidance. This is the closest I can get to righting a wrong.
So the last month has brought me closer to home and closer to God. And I am grateful. What a relief. My restless spirit is finally calming down.
My reward here on earth is peace of mind. My eternal reward, heaven. ♥️
Andi
Photos: all mine, taken at different places at different times; last photo is the memorial garden for my best friend and her son.
When a young child falls asleep at his desk on the second day of school and the teacher says it’s a sign of Covid, so the school sends him and his brother home to quarantine….
Make it make sense.
When a high school student is made to quarantine (5 times fourteen days to be exact) because of contact tracing, yet has never been sick….
Make it make sense.
When seated at a restaurant table is safe yet to stand up is unsafe….
Make it make sense.
When restaurants and small businesses are closing again but now for of lack of help….
When many vaccinated are now magnetized….
When we accept dysfunction as normal over godly morals….
Make it make sense.
When we no longer teach our children to love and appreciate their bodies, but convince them they aren’t good enough and that they can change who they are with the help of drugs and surgery….
When it’s okay to protect a turtle egg or an eagle egg, yet we violently and forcefully remove an unborn human from the womb….
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!
When we allow thousands and thousands of Covid positive people in through our southern border to infiltrate our country, yet make life changing and unrealistic demands and mandates upon the healthy citizens of our country….
When we bring to our country thousands of Afghans but abandon our people….
When we believed that being vaccinated would give us freedom….
When people vote against someone because they don’t like their personality and overlook policy….
When a general in our military suggests that we can possibly work with the Taliban in the future….
Make it make sense.
When we mask children….
When drag queens read to our children during story time…
When it’s no longer considered perversion for a crowd of people to teach little children to twerk….
When a deep nasal swab is performed on a healthy infant….
When I am required to show my ID at 60 years old to buy a bottle of Tito’s, but not to vote….
When numbers are botched to make things look worse….
When media no longer has a conscience….
Make it make sense.
When we are told to do things based on science, only it’s not based on science….
When our administration refuses to witness the conditions at our southern border….
When driving alone in your car with a mask on is normal….
When we pay people more to stay home rather than to get off their arses and work like the rest of us….
When the CDC is funded by companies that profit from lockdowns and vaccines….
When our country spends freely and without conscious leaving the debt for our children and grandchildren….
Make it make sense.
When colleges and universities care more about infiltrating and altering the minds of students with their objectives instead of teaching how to make a living….
When billions and billions of dollars worth of US weaponry was handed over to the dark side and then moved to Iran….
When there is a high percentage of fully vaccinated still getting Covid….
When people still believe this administration is working harder for the betterment of our country than the previous one….
When math becomes racist….
When the breach of the Capitol is more damaging and concerning than the months of domestic terrorist attacks upon our own people and cities….
Make it make sense.
The list is endless.
My mind cannot come to terms with all that is wrong in our world. Never in my lifetime has anything been seen like this. Nothing makes sense. It is utter confusion, hatred, and division. I feel a great sadness for our children. What a world to grow up in. We have allowed one catastrophe after another to take place. We willingly opened the door and now the bad guys are in our house.
God help us to stop the evil so we can give our children a better tomorrow.
Dogs have this great ability to love. And they each express love differently just like humans do. You know like The Five Love Languages.
I miss my Hercules every.single.day. He was such a good boy. Beautiful too. Herc did lots of little things to show he loved us. First thing in the morning he couldn’t get close enough to me. I would dance around the room to avoid his morning sneeze which always managed to land on my bare legs. He couldn’t stand for us girls to separated by walls or doors, or the inside from the outside. He wanted us altogether in one room and he couldn’t rest if we weren’t. If he was outside with me, he’d sit looking into the house for the girls. We were his world.
After Herc passed away, my daughter asked me to look at dog she happened to see for sale on Facebook. I did. I went to see her three times. And well, here she is.
Kiara Nyx is the most unique dog I’ve ever had. She has lots of anxiety and trust issues but she’s come a VERY long way since November. And she really is a one-person dog. My dog. Nyx and I, we kinda need each other.
When I get home from work she is beyond excited. She has a real deep bark for a medium size dog and she will use that bark to scream in the face of the other animals to let them know I’m home and that I’m hers. If we crate her, wow…she goes nuts with excitement when I let her out. It’s like she’s electrified. Love just pours out of her.
Love to Nyx is a good morning rub along her jawline. It’s a car ride around the block or a walk in the park. It’s a cookie in the morning and one at night. But mostly it’s playing fetch and tug-of-war. Nyx is the happiest when she’s flying through the air or battling for her toy. She will bring toys to you and drop them in your lap. And then stare you down until you go outside. She will also grab one end of her toy or stick and try to put the other end in your hand for tug-of-war. It took many months but she smiles now and it’s gorgeous.
Dogs love with their whole being. They are loyal and ever-forgiving. All they ask of you is a little quality time. A game of fetch, sitting on the front porch together, a pat on the head, a car ride to nowhere, and an occasional “I love you”. My daughter recently told me that a dog’s heart rate increases when you say those three words. Powerful words for both humans and animals.
The love of a dog. There’s nothing quite like it. ♥️
Andi
Kiara = bright; little dark one Nyx = goddess of night
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger
There are many things in this life currently that should anger us enough to pray harder and to live more godly lives. I have been working diligently on my spiritual life, which includes letting go of anger.
I had breakfast with a beautiful young woman whom I absolutely adore. She was actually my boss at one time. I would claim her as my own daughter if I could. She’s an old soul and we see eye-to-eye on about everything.
She made a huge decision to leave her job in health care. I understand exactly how hard that decision was as I had to do the same. Nothing is the same anymore with all the issues surrounding Covid and you have to ask yourself if you are part of the problem or part of the solution. Morally, I felt I was part of the problem. But I did not have the smooth, heartfelt send-off like she did. My exit was kinda messy.
So she’s taking a job that has nothing to do with her schooling. She still has big school loans which I cannot even imagine having. But what do you do? You have to stand up for what you believe in, regardless. You have to live with yourself first and foremost.
My friend is concerned about everything closing again like it did last year. She was discussing this with her real mom. She wondered what would happen if she lost her new job. And her wise real mom simply said, “faith over fear.”
Faith over fear.
Fear is powerful. It robs you of the most precious things in life. It keeps you stagnant. It keeps you frozen in time to where you cannot do even the simplest of tasks in life. You can’t make the decisions you need to make. And don’t even consider doing anything fun and adventurous. It’s too scary out there.
Our faith in God should be strong enough to conquer fear. For God is far greater.
Philippians 4:13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
Please remember that I lay my heart out on my sleeve for you. I never suggest that I am perfect or sinless. Quite the contrary. I have my past, my present, and my future sins ever before me. What did Paul say about himself? I am the chief of all sinners? I would like to believe that my future holds much less sin than my past or present but that would be totally up to me. And I pray that God has forgiven (and forgotten, Hebrews 8:12) all that I’ve laid at his feet.
Before I go further. I want to quickly touch on the subject of judging. Yes, we can judge what is sin and what is not. In fact, we must. God gave us lists of named sins. And if we see someone active in those sins we know they are not in a saved place with God. If we are not to judge, then there would be no need for missionaries for we have judged those people to be lost and in need of the Word. But we must remember that whatever measure we judge by, we will be judged by the same, Matthew 7:2. So judge righteously and accordingly.
I heard something yesterday in a conversation that disturbs me. When discussing an atrocious, active sin of someone close, a third party said we just need to accept it.
Those words we just need to accept it echoed through my mind all night long. Accepting sin. How do those words come out of the mouth of someone who professes to be a Christian?
Romans 1 is packed full. God spells it all out in that one chapter. This is what sin looks like. He doesn’t include this chapter in the Bible just to take up space and give Romans a first chapter. No. This is a warning. I suggest that you read that chapter. My focus here is the last verse. After God discusses sin in depth, He ends with that last warning. Verse 32. And that should be enough to squall the judging debate and realize the gravity of accepting sin.
Romans 1:28-32
28And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. 29They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32Though they know God’s righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
What does verse 32 mean? Well…even if you do not practice the sins mentioned but accept or give approval to those who do, you are as guilty as they are.
I didn’t say it. God did. I’m just repeating it.
Accepting sin has become the new normal and it’s no wonder God seems to have a deaf ear to our prayers. Our homes, our country…we are falling apart at the seams.
I watched video of what hurricane Ida has done to New Orleans and what she is currently doing as she barrels northeast leaving a path of destruction. Buildings peeled apart at the seams. This is what is happening to our homes because of sin. I’m not talking about the physical structure of a building. I’m talking about the people within. The spiritual and emotional well-being of each of us. We are opening the front door to sin and welcoming with open arms. I’m okay. You’re okay.
No, we are not. We are the furthest thing away from being okay.
Accepting sin. This needs to stop. We need to call sin out by it’s name. We need to repent as a people and as a nation if we want God to hear us.
Praying for innocent ones whose pain is the direct hit of an unrepentant person. I will not simply accept sin and move on with my day. Romans 1:32. No, I won’t be giving my stamp of approval.
My heart is heavy but there is often much growth in pain. God is my stronghold, my refuge. I will find comfort in Him. ♥️
Luke 16:15 And he said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is exalted among men is an abomination in the sight of God.”
As we walk this earth, it is our responsibility to know what is God’s will and what is not. I was not brought up on a foundation of Christ. It was rather hit-n-miss for the most part. Mostly, miss. I was different than most of my family. As far back as I can remember I loved God and had a great curiosity of what Christianity was all about. My mom and Grandma Moench were probably the only real influencers of that curiosity when I was young. Grandma had these little books called Our Daily Bread on top of the toilet tank. I loved reading those short daily devotionals whenever we visited her in Minnesota. My mother had a beautiful family Bible on the living room coffee table. I wish I had that Bible now but Rufus Q. chewed it up when he was a puppy. My mom was heartbroken. I knew that book was special to her. It was special to me too for inside of it held all the answers to my curiosities.
My curiosity only intensified as I grew older. I searched in a variety of places to find answers that made rational sense, which I found very little of. That all changed greatly once I came into contact with a preacher who did make sense.
I was a journalist for a little hometown newspaper and I had my own column. Actually, I was their experiment. They were trying to expand their paper into another region. My home region. I was to go out and write stories of people in this rural area. And of course, sell ads. (I am not a seller.)
My first story was with the preacher. Meeting him changed everything for me. He answered my many questions, while referring to the Bible, and the Bible started coming to together like a beautifully knitted sweater or a puzzle with its many scattered pieces. I became a Christian and began to find peace. And so life moved forward. Through my own growth over the years, and watching the lives of others, I have gained a better understanding of God’s will.
I’ve learned though that even those who profess God’s goodness, fall. Intentional sin. And with the fall often there is much justification and rationalizing on their part to lessen the ramifications of their sin. But you simply cannot outsmart or outshine God. Nor can talk your way out of a sinful heart. You may fool other people by gaining their sympathy, but not God. He sees through the mask and straight to your heart.
These justifications (excuses) for sinning will not work: *Because of this, I did this… *He did this to me so I did this. *I deserve this after what I’ve been through. *I’ll repent later. *This isn’t as bad as what she did. *Just this once… *This will be my last time. *Fix this God so I don’t do this.
Never ever can you rationalize sin by committing sin.
As humans, we have a tendency to rate sin. We have our own way of rating sin on a scale of 1-10, personalized for our own convenience. My scale of 1-10 might differ from yours and vise-versa. God does not rate sin, nor does He acknowledge our scale. Sin is sin in God’s eyes.He is our fair and just God. His unit of measurement has to be consistent in order to be fair. Lying is the same as gluttony. Murder is the same as committing adultery. You cannot get around this no matter how hard you try to convenience yourself or others. Even if you have people supporting you, Christian or not, you absolutely were not given the power to rate or categorize sin.
I acknowledge that I have tried to rationalize sin over the years. And if you are honest with yourself (and with God) you will confess that you too have rationalized sinful behavior whether done publicly or in private.
God sees your heart and mine. There is no escape. Sin is sin.
What is justified and approved by man, is an abomination to God.
God knows our hearts. Let’s not support those who are knowingly and willingly in sin. Sin might only affect them in judgment but here on earth, sin has a trickle effect. One person’s sin can negatively affect the lives of many people. And if your sin causes a child to believe that sin is okay, then you have even more to be held accountable for.
Maybe this is not your struggle or burden, but there are those who suffer greatly. We need to acknowledge that sin is sin no matter what it is or who is doing it. It’s a tough row to hoe sometimes but a home in Heaven with Jesus will be so worth it. ♥️
I pushed away from my desk and sat back in my chair. A coworker walks by my office and reminds me to breathe. So I do. I don’t realize I hold my breath. I look up at my wall clock and watch the minute hand. It’s so slow. Just like my breathing.
The movement of the time has never changed since the beginning of time, yet why do some days go so fast and others so very slow? This past week has been one long day. I guess maybe it has much to do with our state of mind. Mine hurts. Everything hurts.
Breathe.
Our lives are deeply interwoven. I don’t believe any of us fully comprehend the extent of our reach.
A sweet example to share is of a woman I ran into almost a year ago. I asked her if we had ever met before as she seemed familiar. She said yes, many years ago. She further explained that we had attended the same church for a short period of time. Since I left all those years ago she’s wanted to find me. She shared her great compassion for me although we had never discussed our personal lives. Yet she was so moved by the little interaction we did have, she wanted to find me to make sure I was okay. She and I are great friends now.
We never know whose lives we touch on our journey, who watch from afar, or who search for us.
Not every example of intertwining lives is sweet though. Some are on the hellish side. Like now.
Breathe.
The minute hand never stops but time certainly has.
I will continue to put my faith and trust in God to heal all that is wounded.
Ephesians 4:26-27 26Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27and give no opportunity to the devil.
Anger is a powerful emotion. Emotions were given to us by God Himself in our unique design. Therefore, anger is not forbidden by God. We need anger sometimes to motivate us to do something, but in a positive, godly manner.
Wrongful anger stems from the human part of us. We don’t see the sin in our own life, only sin of others. We get angry quickly and often without just cause. It’s more about ourselves and the way we react when another person has hurt us…without using the scripture as our guideline.
Righteous anger comes through witnessing the perversion of God’s law. When someone intentionally violates the goodness of God’s design, we have the right to be angry. But still we are told to be slow to anger and not to sin. This demonstrates godly self-control.
At this moment, I confess that I am angry. I am angry that people I love have had their lives turned upside-down and inside-out by the one they love and trusted most upon this earth. Someone who has perverted God’s precious design for their own selfish desires. In the process, they have shattered the lives of numerous people while desperately trying to rationalize their sinfulness. So yes, I am angry. Very angry.
In this devastating heartbreak, my helplessness in this situation has brought me to Jesus’s feet. Tonight, I must lay my anger here before it can destroy me. There is an internal battle raging within me. Even though my anger has been kindled by acts against God, the heaviness of this situation alone is almost more than I can bear. I can’t carry the weight of anger too. I am praying for help, for direction, for extraordinary strength, and a heart that is wise. I need these so I can help those who have been hurt the most. My loved ones. My angels. My life. So tonight, I lay my anger at Jesus’s feet.
Be wise in anger. Know when and how to use it in a godly manner, and when you need to give it to the Lord.
Surrendering all and praying hard for those who suffer most. I hope sleep can find me now. ♥️
Being unfaithful doesn’t just happen one day out of the clear blue. You don’t wake up and think instead of a round of golf, I might just cheat today. No, it comes from deep, selfish, lustful, and continuous thoughts of what if? And, why not?
As a man/woman thinks in his/her heart…
If you are debating whether to be faithful or not in your marriage, consider these short lists of pros and cons.
PROS
…a lasting marriage …happy children …contentment …peace of mind …success …guiltless …respect …blessings …clear conscience …happiness …fulfillment …honor …obedience to God
CONS
…divorce …broken home …depression …troubled children …dysfunction …emptiness …rebuke …guilt …restlessness …discontent …failure …no respect …dishonor …disobedience to God
Being unfaithful is selfishness at its finest and it causes much pain, sadness, resentment, and heartache. Precious children become pawns and often they feel lost, insure, and unsafe. Unfaithfulness is total disregard for the blessings you were given by God.
We all have choices to make. Yes, we are human and we make wrong decisions. But we do need to think things through thoroughly and with godly insight. Being unfaithful is cruel. It leaves lasting scars on the most innocent of hearts. Hearts that love you. And it’s a guilt you will carry until death.
What is the cost of being unfaithful? The cost is massive. You very well could lose your marriage, your reputation, and the hearts of your children. And in the long run, it could cost you Heaven.
Grief awakens you in the night. It clouds your eyes and darkens your mind. It weakens your spirit. Days run together with no ends or beginnings. No sunrises or sunsets. Grief shows no mercy.
Grief haunts the mind with its endless scenarios of what-if. It replays conversations, interactions, hellos and goodbyes. Grief is a complicated mystery.
It can’t be rushed but yet grieving cannot last forever either. It’s complicated and it’s individual. Grief is inconsolable and has to run its own course. Grief usually revolves around a broken heart.
Grief is one of the most dreaded aspects of living. But it is a part of life. Life simply isn’t fair and grief is proof.
Be sensitive to those who are suffering. Pray that they may find closure and peace. Be compassionate of their struggles and supportive if they have temporarily lost their way. Give space when needed but always be just around the corner. Most importantly, love them. ♥️
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
God’s power is made perfect in our weakness. It is not wrong to be weak, contrary to the world’s view. God will not work through those who are arrogant or conceited. It’s not because He isn’t able to. It’s that He will only work through those who recognize they are nothing without Him.
I acknowledge I am weak.
I acknowledge that I cannot control all that surrounds me.
I acknowledge that my plans are but dust in the wind because they are not of God…even though I thought they were in my best interest and in the best interest of others.
I acknowledge that there is no limit to humility, or even rebuke. I feel every bit of it.
2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.
Humble yourself to allow God to work in your personal life, your family life, in the workforce, in your community, and for the benefit of our country as a whole.
What more damage can be done in our lives before we seek Him?
Until you remove selfishness from within there is no room for Jesus.
Psalm 127:3-5 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
Children are the flowers in our garden. They need much nurturing in order to blossom. Watering, feeding, sunshine, and love. Not to mention a little pruning when necessary.
I was blessed with six children. WillowTree has six children figurines. I was happy to see that their six matched the personalities of my six.
🌹My inquisitive child ^^^ is my oldest. He watches documentary after documentary in order to feed his hungry mind. You name a topic and he’s watched a documentary. It’s kind of a running joke when we get together. Suppose you’ve watched a documentaryon that! In school he read chemistry books for fun and even memorized the periodic table. He is curious about many things and needs the answers to all the questions of life.
🌹My caring child ^^^ is my second son. He makes sure that the needs of others are met. His humble heart is one of compassion for all people…and, of course, the animal kingdom as well. He’s traveled the world sharing his kindness with all those he meets and returns with the warmest stories of other people in faraway lands.
🌹 My spirited child ^^^ is my oldest daughter. She will keep you on your toes but laughing all way. She sets out do something and she does it. She is so much fun to be with but even more fun when you show her the video the next morning. She has a sweet little rosebud of her own.
🌹My imaginative child ^^^ is my youngest son. He was an ATST or a t-Rex most of his growing up years. He’s a master at voice acting and story telling. He’s very artistic and pretty hilarious. With him, there is never a dull moment. He added two precious little rosebuds to our garden.
🌹 My joyful child ^^^ is my fifth child. She has always been my giggler. She brightens up any room she enters. Not only is she beautiful but she’s witty and fun to be around. She has the best sense of humor and her laughter is contagious.
🌹 My thoughtful child ^^^ is my youngest. She thinks of ways to please me and others. She tries to make most days special…and she does. Holidays or birthdays are much more fun because of her ideas. Even the dogs have special birthdays. She often places flower petals on my pillowcase to surprise me when I get home.
Children are blessings and they need to be cherished. Too many times they are thrown to the wayside as selfish parents do selfish things.
Matthew 19:14 But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
Children are not a waste of our time. They are our future and our future depends on them. Raise them with strong, godly morals and values. God has entrusted you with their lives. ♥️
Who here can say they have never done something anything with selfish intent? I cannot say that without watching for a bolt of lightning to appear out of a crystal blue sky.
We live in a selfish world. And as technology grows and continually redefines itself, we become more and more selfish and in want of instant gratification.
We need to change the current direction of our homes, our schools and communities, and of our country. Nothing can withstand the tidal wave of entitlement that is flowing through the veins of so many people. Nothing. Selfishness and greed are destroyers of life and livelihood.
We need to be willing to change our own heart as change begins with each of us. Concentrate on being a better mom, dad, role model, friend, neighbor, Christian, boss, leader, husband and wife.
How much further must we sink in despair before we actually do something? Our homes are shattered. And home is where life begins.
My heart hurts so very much over this very topic. A friend told me to go ahead and cry it all out. Then hand it to the Lord. Good advice from a loving friend.
It’s sunny and very warm today. A good day to touch base with God. I plan to. ♥️
It’s unavoidable to not get hurt in this life. One way or another we get smacked around, beaten, bruised, taken advantage of, cheated on, violated, our heart broken, humiliated, and our ego crushed. We live in an imperfect world with imperfect humans. It’s gonna happen.
But should we avoid doing things because we might get hurt? Do we no longer take chances because there’s a possibility we could lose? Again? What about the possibility of happiness? Are we willing to forfeit that as well?
We cannot stop living, loving, or striving for that which is good because something could go wrong. We just can’t. That would be the opposite of living. Well…that would be unliving.
Which path will you choose?
No one wants to get hurt. And a good person doesn’t want to hurt others. Sometimes it happens though. Innocently. Other times people just don’t care and they hurt others for their own selfish desires. We give pain and we receive pain throughout our entire life.
But with that being said, there is a flip-side to pain. There is happiness and joy. There is love to give and receive. There is beauty in every single day. That’s the best part of living.
With living comes an abundance of highs and lows and emotions more varied than the colors found in a rainbow. If our life was perfect here no one would strive for Heaven.
Forgiving yourself and letting go of the past…that’s an important key to living.
I want to live. And love. I want to discover the best part of life. Living life full circle. That means taking all the good with the bad. Allow yourself to grow in Christ through it all.
Please don’t say no to living because you are afraid of the unknown. You might just miss out on the best part of this life here on earth.
Living. Unliving. The choice is yours.
Prayers earnestly given on behalf of those suffering pain and heartache this day. May they desire to live and not lose hope. God is omnipresent. He will get you though. ♥️
I went to the farmers market one Saturday morning a couple of years ago and came across a booth of homemade jewelry. I’m a sucker for stuff like that. I try to get ideas so I can make my own jewelry.
Right away I saw a stone that caught my eye. I asked what it was. The woman said it was a raw emerald. I was quite intrigued with it as emerald is my birthstone.
She helped other customers while I admired this stone. She came back only to tell me that it’s worthless. That’s when I said I’ll take it.
What she saw as worthless, I saw as beautiful. I had examined the emerald closely and I looked past its imperfections. And what I found was perfect. I saw a very dark heart embedded in the stone.
Emerald is my birthstone and I think it’s one of the most beautiful stones in all the world. But this raw emerald has a beauty all its own. I relate to this stone as I am quite imperfect myself. I hope though that my heart stands out from among all the roughness and flawed edges of my being.
I am a raw emerald. Maybe worthless to some who care not to know me, but I’m not worthless to those who can see past the imperfection to my heart.
I’m truly thankful that God sees the potential in this old raw emerald and continues to bless me each and every day. In many ways I understand why I’m not a shiny, perfect gem. Humility is a part of that reason. Working through imperfection has, in many ways, only made me stronger.
Can you see the heart?
Thanks for sharing a moment with me. Have a good weekend. Goodnight. ♥️
I always looked forward to fall for so many reasons. It has always been exciting to me in so many ways.
I was one of those crazies who looked forward to school starting. I loved shopping for school clothes and supplies. Of course, when I was a kid school didn’t start until after Labor Day.
When I had children of my own, I still looked forward to a brand new school year. Shopping for school supplies was still fun for me even though it was for my kids. School clothes wasn’t a big deal because my kids could go to school in their pj’s if they wanted since they were homeschooled.
first day of kindergarten many years ago
Fall brings chili and bonfires. Ham and beans and cornbread. Pumpkin scented candles. Scarecrows, corn mazes, flannel shirts, hot apple cider, and s’mores. The annual festival in October that lasts ten whole days. Showers of beautifully colored leaves. Frosty mornings. Candy corn and peanuts. Warm hugs, cold noses, and rosy cheeks. Fall is simply…cozy.
One the highlights of fall for me was spending hours looking through the catalogs I’d get in the mail. Terry’s Village. Swiss Colony. JC Penney’s. Sears. FingerHut. And several others. Once you started with one magazine they’d share your name with other companies. Everyday another would be delivered to the house.
I’d start shopping fairly early for Christmas. I had to with such a big family. It took much planning and calculating on my part. The kids say I made the holidays magical. That makes me happy. I wanted it to be a special family time together. And from what they tell me, I accomplished that.
Looking through the catalogs brought great joy to me even if I didn’t buy anything. It was my seasonal thing to do. I’d go out and sit on my porch swing and take my time thumbing through the pages. Folding corners so I wouldn’t forget. Writing notes down in my Christmas notebook. Ah, I miss those days. Even magazines like Country and Reminisce were something I’d look forward to especially the fall/ holiday issues. They made me slow down…and relax.
I looked for Terry’s Village catalog recently and found that it’s no longer available. Well, there is an online catalog. I haven’t had the desire to look at that. Looks like the company was sold to Oriental Trading. I no longer receive any of the other above mentioned catalogs or magazines. Except I did receive Swiss Colony last year. But for the most part, those days are gone. Just gone…like the landline telephone and using cash at the checkout counter. Gosh, I miss those days.
I’ve told you many times, I’m not good with change. I’m just not. Deliver a Terry’s Village catalog to my mailbox and I will love you forever.
I’m not sure anyone else has such good memories of thumbing through fall catalogs. But maybe there’s something else that brings you seasonal joy.
It’s the end of yet another day and I must now say goodnight. I always appreciate good company so please come back again. ♥️
I typically sit at the nature park during my lunch hour. I have pleasant memories at this park as I ran here often.
The park is owned by the university and was once a rock quarry. It’s very beautiful.
Inside the park is a small lake and surrounded by tall, rocky walls. Trails run throughout the park. Near the water the terrain is hot and barren like a desert. I remember I came down from the rim of the canyon and continued my run through the “desert”. It was stifling hot that day. Shortly after I got down there I noticed a buzzard flying overhead. Then another joined him. And yet another. I kept on running and they kept on gathering. Were they waiting for me to drop? Did I look wounded? Did I smell that bad? I certainly didn’t want to slow my pace to find out. By the time I got all the way around to the other side I counted about 17 buzzards above me. Yes, they circled above me the whole distance and kept adding in number.
When I got to the other side I remember saying out loud, “Not today! Not today!” (This wasn’t my first encounter with buzzards. But that’s another story for another time.)
I once ran a race here. It was to raise money for mental health awareness. A worthy cause. We ran around the rim of the quarry, and through the woods, along the creek, down through the desert, and through the parking area to a another trail that split. We ran to the right and up a hill, around and back down through the woods, then through the parking lot again, up and around another section of woods to the finish line at a building that resembles a castle. Waiting at the finish line were some of my kids and my grand-puppy, Sam.
It was a fun race. Well, except for the college girl who kept puking along the trail in woods. Early Saturday mornings are probably not ideal for race running when you are a party hearty college student. She’d pass me and then I’d pass her when she was puking. Then she’d pass me until she started puking again. I passed her two or three times. She didn’t pass me after that. I’m not sure she finished the race.
Trail running was my favorite type of running…and uphill was heaven to me. I absolutely loved running uphill. Once as I was running through the woods, my toe snagged a root that was in the dirt path. Down I went…and up I came just as quickly. I hurriedly looked around to see if anyone saw me. I’m in the middle of the woods. Duh…no one saw me. But that’s what you do when you fall, right? I did a quick check for injuries and saw a couple of bleeding wounds. I could have walked back to the car but I told myself I’m no sissy, and finished running the rest of the way.
Then one day I was running through the desert and headed up toward the top of the canyon when I slid on the gravel incline. My hands touched the ground to catch myself. I continued running pain-free but I suffered an injury that took me out of running. I tore my calf. And it was extensive enough to where I would need the muscle stripped to break up the scar tissue once it healed in order to prevent tearing again. But I couldn’t handle the pain of stripping. I was a sissy, I guess. That injury broke my heart. I think even my spirit. I never bounced back from that.
My years of running were the best. I could be having a horrible day, go for a run, and come back a new and better person. Running was like a drug to me. And I miss it a great deal. I need to find a new “drug”. I think I’d like to take up hiking. Uphill, preferably.
Nothing, I expect, will ever replace my running days though. Running was a high like no other. I still feel the excitement when I play my running playlist. Hopefully, one day I will find something to do that gives me at least a little pleasure.
Summer is quickly coming to a close, and as much as I love fall, I’m a wee bit sad to see summer leave. I so enjoy the sun. Oh, and driving with the windows down. I just can’t drive with the windows down and sunroof open. Otherwise my hair blows straight up and out of the sunroof. Not a good look for me.
Thanks for being here. I hope you have something in your life that gives enjoyment like my running days did for me. ♥️
Andi
Photos: the park in the winter, and Amber smiling beautifully in the lake; Sam congratulating me on finishing the race
Psalm 124:8 Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
1 Peter 5:6-7 6Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,7casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 John 3:20 …for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything.
Jeremiah 32:17 Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you.
I needed a break tonight from all the thinking I did today so I took Nyx to the park for another walk. I stopped on the way home to take pictures of the sky again. I guess if I had a window in my office I’d accomplish zero during the workday. (But I still wish I had one.)
Luke 10:38-42 38Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. 39And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching.40But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.”41But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
I needed to read this.
Andi, Andi…you are anxious and troubled about many things, but your sister, Mary…she has it right.
How often are we so caught up with our job, our obligations, our worries, our running here and there…that we forget or simply choose to bypass the very fabric of life? The very reasons of why we are here?
Do we cut short our time with our children, our parents, or our friends to fulfill less meaningful obligations? Do we cut God out of our life because it’s too time consuming to read the Bible or pray? Do we have a distorted view on what is of greater importance? We need to reflect upon this and be truthful with what we discover about ourselves.
It’s not always easy to admit hey, I’ve been wrong. It’s quite humbling. I know this firsthand. But humbling is needed for growth. And we should desire to grow.
I have been a Martha for a good part of my life. It’s time to let go of worries and burdens to make room for all those things of greater importance, such as God…first and foremost. But one thing is necessary…vs 42.
Have a good start to your new week. Be grateful for humility even when it’s uncomfortable. ♥️
I had an early morning appointment yesterday which is pretty typical for my Saturdays. I always take Nyx with me. I’m away from her so much during the week that I take her wherever/ whenever I can on the weekend.
It was such a nice morning that I decided we would walk at the sports park before going home. We pulled into the same parking spot where I would always park during all my years of running. It’s my spot. I’m kinda sentimental like that.
I parked next to a white pickup. A man was posting a reserved sign on the pavilion and then he headed toward the building that houses the restrooms. I got Nyx ready to go and we headed to the pathway where I always start my walk/run. We walked around the building and there was that man. He immediately began to speak to me. “Hi, I’m Rodney.” I introduced myself. He asked about my dog so I told him a little bit about her. We started another short conversation about his work with the parks department.
As we talked he kept his distance back away from me. Not sure what he was most concerned with…Covid or Nyx. He asked if I was a traveler. “You look like a traveler.” I said I do like to travel and that often I will get in my car and just drive. I told him about the Falls trip last Sunday and he said that was one of his most favorite places to go because of the peace found there.
I started to speak again when he sort of interrupted me, and changed the direction of the conversation.
He said, “There is something very special about you. I can see it. You are a good person.”
In my mind I was saying what? and huh? as he just kept right on talking…
His words were unexpected and I tried to take in all that he was saying but I just cannot remember it all. He continued lifting me up as I stood there, bewildered, and wiping my leaky right eye.
At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel. ~Maya Angelou
This was one of those moments.
I tried to hold back the tears. He had reached the painful place in my heart. Maybe he noticed as he changed the topic quickly again to other random things. We talked for awhile longer and then he left. I turned to head toward the path thinking about what had just happened.
Some things I decided, can’t be explained. That is…unless we look a little deeper. I never met that man before. He didn’t know me. But within two minutes he started saying very nice, uplifting things about me. Timing was perfect because I have been feeling somewhat displaced. He truly lifted my spirits.
I do believe angels are among us. The Bible talks about us entertaining strangers who are angels (Hebrews 13:1-2). And I also believe that God can and will use others to help us along our path in life. Maybe you have been touched by an angel. I think it may happen more often then we think. We might need to pay closer attention. For me, my angel was easy to notice this time. He was dressed in an orange parks department shirt and his name was Rodney.
Have a blessed Sunday. Be grateful for all things and be mindful of the angels who walk among us. ♥️
Andi
Photos: I never get tired of posting pictures of the Falls. These were taken about 13 years ago.
Our conversation was sparked over the heaviness of today’s issues in our world.
I’ve been feeling very weak lately too. But that’s the great thing about you seeking God out again. He is allowing you to go through this because He knows you’re going to benefit from it. He’s answering your prayers right now. You just have to stay strong like He’s wanting you to and very soon you’re going to see benefits from it.
Emotions go up and down every day. You have to let yourself know “hey, it’s ok to be stressed, it’s ok to be angry, it’s ok to be down.” Emotions are a wonderful thing to feel because it’s your way of working through situations and thoughts. Don’t be confused why your emotions are scattered and don’t fight them. Let them flow through you in a healthy way, yes…even anger. When you start telling yourself this and allowing yourself to let the emotions happen, they will pass so much quicker and you’ll have more inner peace, even during your worst times.
I understand your concerns. I have the same concerns. But you’re better off keeping yourself informed, voting strategically, and then leaving it in God’s hands. Nothing can happen in this world unless God allows it too and if He allows it to happen, we must rejoice that we have an opportunity to show God our faith and dedication to Him, and He WILL reward us for that.
Even the devil himself had to ask God for permission to even attempt to make Job turn away from God. The devil had to ASK for permission! If the lord of ALL EVIL had to ASK our God to mess with one single human than nothing in this world is ever going to happen without God being in 100% control.
I think you’re very well informed on the situation of our country and the world. But not only is God in full control but there are insanely powerful and intelligent people at work for the protection of our nation whom I believe God put in place to keep us from going under.
My suggestion is this:
God has not put you in a place of power to make massive change in our country politically. He wants you to not be ignorant of what’s going on but He wants you to focus on the tasks He’s specifically given to you. Stay informed but limit your political intake, use this new found free-time to focus on you and your family. That’s where you can make the biggest difference in the world and yes, this matters a lot.
You can’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Only Jesus can do that.
All of the italicized words above are from my youngest son, Zeke…to me.
Zeke’s thoughts are beautifully written. He painted a brilliant canvas for me. He couldn’t have been more loving. And it is all true. Every word.
In this day of mass confusion and upset, I acknowledge I still wear the heavy Momma Bear coat…even though all of my children are adults. I want to protect my them and grandchildren. But simply put…I cannot.
I will never be able to fully remove this coat I’ve worn for almost 40 years. That I am sure of. Nor, do I believe that I should. I just don’t quite understand what mom means currently. My children are all I have. I really don’t understand my role in life anymore, my place, or even where home truly is. I feel displaced and sort of, out-of-sorts.
But Zeke speaks truth. I’m not in a place of power to save our world, or them. So I will remove the cape I draped over the shoulders of my woolly coat. And I will replace that cape with prayer.
A burdensome weight was lifted during our conversation. My heart has been awfully tired as of late, so I found some relief. My nature is that of a fixer; a healer, of sorts. But I cannot carry the weight of the world any longer. Only Jesus can. So I will give it back to Him.
Who says you cannot learn from your children? I will never say that. They have taught me many things about life and God. And even about myself.
I love my children. And I would do anything for them. I guess for now, I just need to love them. Oh, and maybe laugh a little more with them.
Thank you for reading this lengthy post. I feel it was all so important that I couldn’t chisel it down in length. I feel there are some who just might relate to this message.
Have a blessed weekend. ♥️
Andi
Zeke and me, several years ago
Photos: all mine except for the quoted picture, Pinterest/ internet
When God tells us to do something with ALL our heart, do we really and truly comprehend the concept of ALL? I will go on record here as saying…No, I do not grasp that concept fully.
What does it mean to surrender ALL to Him? My being (my dedication) is divided among so many “loves”. How do we give God our ALL?
This topic came to mind this afternoon when I texted my verse-of-the-day to my kids. It’s one of my most favorite in the Bible.
Proverbs 3:5-7
5Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 6In ALL your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. 7Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
Maybe it’s just me but I struggle with letting go of stuff. I want to fix it. I want to control it. I want to have it…for whatever reason. This is definitely something I need to figure out. I’m sure I’d make a better Mom, Christian, friend, neighbor, coworker, sister, even writer, if I just let go of things to make room for ALL.
I continually acknowledge that I am a work in progress. And I am. The Potter is not done with me yet. Not even close.
Maybe we should think more about that tiny word ALL and the bigness it encompasses. It truly is a huge word in God’s eyes.
Have a great start to your weekend. Just don’t forget to include God in your plans. ♥️
Today was a fairly good day at work. But it was also a day of personal revelation, which wasn’t so good. It never feels good to be rebuked regardless if it was necessary or not. It kinda felt like this storm that rolled into the evening. Explosive, churning, a little bit scary, (a lot of sad), and it seemingly came out of nowhere.
I stopped along my way home to take pictures. It was beautiful but the pictures don’t capture the fury within those fast moving clouds.
Storms have a way of cleaning things up a bit, both in the air and on the earth. Rebuking is also cleansing, when done in love, for all parties concerned. I know I was rebuked in love. That I am certain of. And that is all that matters.
I’ve been feeling far from God lately. And as a mom, I worry about my kids more than myself, even though they are adults. When they were young, we discussed God with every topic in homeschool. We talked about current events and day to day living and it all centered around God. Now that they are no longer here, I’ve slid backwards, and I worry that I haven’t been the encouragement to them that I once was. Yesterday I started a group text with my four youngest to kind of bring us back together like we once were. I asked my kids to to share a scripture verse in our group text.
I didn’t know what I was going to write about tonight until I went back and reread their verses. Then I knew. They shared verses which are very fitting for this tumultuous world we live in. A world where we no longer know who is a friend, and who is not. A world where trust has been shattered and fear has taken its place. A world where a battle rages between good and evil.
To find the comfort and strength needed today we need to immerse ourselves in God’s word. I’m realizing that all the more. He knows the answers to all our questions. He knows our struggles and concerns. But He wants us to acknowledge Him too.
Here are the verses my kids shared. May you find comfort them as I do.
2 Kings 6:16-17 “‘Don’t be afraid,’ the prophet answered. ‘Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.’ And Elisha prayed, ‘Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.’ Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Psalm 34:17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.
Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
God can heal our land, our people, our homes, our hearts…we need to do our part and give our lives back to Him. ♥️
It’s a rainy day. And as welcomed as it is, I wish I was at home enjoying it, curled up in a blanket, and in and out of naps. But for now, I am sitting in my car at the sports park. It is my lunch hour.
Because of the weather no one is around. So it’s very quiet except for the raindrops dropping onto my sunroof, leaves rustling periodically in the breeze, and the distant sound of a train approaching town. Nothing else. And I love it.
Nooooo….not what you’re thinking! Ha! Nothing like that song by the same name.
I’m having a delightful afternoon with my daughter and Nyx.
This is our go to place when Mattea and I need to get away. No matter what season, the falls is a gift that keeps on giving.
First we stopped by the oldest running general store in our state. The store owner even invited Nyx in and gave her a treat. I love this store. Wish my dad was here. He’d love it too.
We just had our lunch which was a salad similar to what I posted a few days ago. Lots of people here today and dogs. It’s hard to get pictures of the falls without people in it. People do kinda make me mad because they walk around all the Please Keep Clear signs and walk on ledges where they aren’t supposed to be. And they do it with young children. And they swim in no swim zones. One little girl was upset because she was standing in the water and there was a snake in the water next to her. She was with her parents as they had just moments earlier walked around the sign. What are we teaching our kids? Not to follow safety rules?
On another note, this is where my second oldest son was married. It was a gorgeous May wedding. Windy but sunny and very nice. My mom and dad were both here. Now that was a delightful day.
Hope you are refilling your bucket for the new week coming up. I am. ♥️
The week before my friend passed away she gave me a necklace that reads Live Life Full Circle. At the time she was preparing to leave as director of a grief support group and this was one of a couple of different necklaces that people could purchase to help support that group.
While I think I understand the meaning, I’m not sure that I do exactly because it could have read Live Life to the Fullest, Live Life Completely, or just, Live Life.
Full circle. What does that mean?
I know what living full circle does not mean. It doesn’t mean being born and living through old age because that just doesn’t happen for everyone.
So maybe it means to….
Feel every emotion. Fulfill every dream. Smell every flower. Love to the fullest. Give of yourself. Live every role you were meant to live.
It probably means to live life in every spectrum of color. Like an artist with his canvas and paint.
So I’m thinking full circle means making life happen during the dash on your headstone. You know…the dash between your birthdate and your death date. One date is already written in stone. We can’t change that. The other can be written at anytime so the dash is all we have.
Live life full circle. Live your dash. No one can do it for you. ♥️
Whatever decisions you make create the life you live. ~ Mattea
Andi
Photos: my florals taken yesterday; “live your dash”, internet
Everyone loves Grandpa. He isn’t blood to us but closer to us than most blood relation. We claim him as our own. And we love him dearly.
Grandpa used to live in Florida until just recently. He’s getting up in age now so he moved up here to be closer to family. He misses Florida though.
Grandpa taught us to play dice and golf, a card game. So when he visited or we visited him, we’d spend hours playing these games. A game wasn’t complete without him saying, “Winner and Champ-een…” and circling the winner’s name on the tablet and adding a star.
Grandpa loves movies too. Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Indiana Jones are a few he enjoyed watching with the kids when they were still at home. He has a few of his own favorites. Silverado, I think, is the first he mentions when asked. I got him to watch Return to Me with me once, and well…he cried. It’s now one of his favorites as well.
Many years ago, in the summer of 2006, when we all lived under one roof still, Grandpa came up to visit for a couple of weeks. We had a lot of fun with that visit. And we kept him busy.
We celebrated the 4th of July, his birthday in August, and a baking day. He built a bookcase for me, drank a lot of coffee, played poker with the kids, watched a ton of movies, more card playing and dice…
and then, he got sick.
We aren’t exactly sure what bothered his stomach so much. No one else had it. But he had nausea and the hersey squirts pretty bad. And it lasted about a week and a half. He still tried to have a good time. He never threw up but he carried a wastebasket around…just in case. The trash can become his buddy so he named it Wilson from the movie Castaway. Because of his issue on the other end he told the kids he lost his “pucker string”. Don’t make me explain that one to you.
Grandpa would set Wilson on a bar stool next to him when we played games. He’d have to leave the table several times but he’d always come back with a couple of jokes. He’s a good humored grandpa.
When Grandpa went home, it was really sad. So I decided to put a scrapbook together so he’d always remember the great time we had together.
He laughed when he received it at his home in Florida. I bet he even had some tears. That’s just the beautiful man he is. And when he got to missing us he’d pull out the book to look at and laugh all over again. Especially with that surprise ending.
Now that Grandpa is up here and getting older he asked me to keep the book. I have it now. What a wonderful keepsake.
The pucker string is a continued fun topic. It just doesn’t get old. That’s the humor in my family.
I hope you enjoyed this special memory of mine. It’s a pleasantry to recall the good times in our life. It’s also nice to share them.
Have a wonderful weekend. ♥️
Andi
I enjoyed creating the this scrapbook for Grandpa. It was a treasured visit with him. All the pics are taken from the book so please ignore the glare. I didn’t want to remove the pages,
They consistently break their own rules, guidelines, and mandates. They are paid by us yet they tell us what to do…while they don’t. They remove their masks when they think the cameras are off and arrest the rest of us who don’t comply.
They take away our police yet keep their own. We pay for that. They want to protect themselves and their property from us. Yet they want us to remain exposed and vulnerable to them.
It makes me think of a circus. The little monkey plays his tiny accordion and tips his hat for the audience to place their money. The little monkey does this for a peanut. His master trained him by leashing him, thus taking away his freedom, and then rewarding him with peanuts when he complies. His little monkey life ends on a leash, earning money for his keeper.
They took away our livelihood and put us on a leash while they barked commands and demands from their high places, fancy maskless dinners, and carefree vacations. They watch us and laugh. They command this and that. And we do it. They mix up the commands to confuse us and we comply. They watch us like little monkeys running around aimlessly and bumping into each other as we try to keep up with their merciless, senseless, and ever-changing commands. They laugh even harder. We tip our hat for them. And we give them our money. We do this in hope they will give us a piece of our freedom back. And they do, sorta. But you have to give up something else up in trade. Then they switch it up again…teasing us, taunting us. And the master laughs all the while.
They scared us into submission and then leashed us when we were at our lowest. They taught us to do tricks. Stupid pet tricks. And we did them. We still are.
We aren’t going to get our freedom back as long as we keep tipping our hat. I take no enjoyment of their degrading laughter, two-faced lies, and harsh judgments while I work hard to pay their wages. If you don’t believe they are laughing at us, think again. Rules for thee, but not for me. Isn’t that their motto?
Circus peanuts, or freedom? What do you want? I want our freedom back. All. Of. It.
I love the Lord of Rings trilogy. It’s a beautiful story of friendship, of internal and external battles between good and evil, of selflessness, and sacrifice. I adore The Shire and it’s inhabitants. The Hobbits touch my heart with their innocence and childish ways. They have such a big appetite for such a little people.
Here is their daily eating schedule. It causes them a fair amount of grief if it is altered.
First Breakfast – 7 a.m.
Second Breakfast – 9 a.m.
Elevenses – 11 a.m.
Luncheon – 1 p.m.
Afternoon Tea – 3 p.m.
Dinner – 6 p.m.
Supper – 9 p.m.
I thought of Hobbits when as I sat outside in the coolness of the evening. A hint of fall was in the air. There is also a hint of color in the tree across the road from me. That tree is always gorgeous in autumn .
First Fall…
First Fall is as exciting to me as First Breakfast is to a hobbit. And it awakens a great anticipation for Second Breakfast.
I love all seasons but fall is an unexplainable charm to me. It awakens me. It brings out the creative and romantic side of me. It’s both mystical and enchanting. Autumn is my favorite.
Now I can barely wait for Second Fall.
Enjoy this day. Time is fleeting. Seasons come and go like the wind. I’m not gonna rush summer but I certainly did like the taste of first fall. ♥️
I am discovering many things about myself lately. There’s a mixture of both good and bad. Things I need to work on. Things I need to let go of. But it’s all good in that I will learn to adapt to the changes I am making. Discovery is a process that requires time, realization, and acceptance.
I am discovering that simple is the absolute best route to take. It is the healthiest way to go concerning your overall well-being. I am taking that route. Hopefully, for good this time.
It’s about cleaning house and realizing what really matters and what does not. Eliminating the negative and refilling something…simple. Nothing that will strain your brain or hurt your heart. Finding contentment…
For instance my salad here. Isn’t it lovely? Everything in it is fresh and organic. There’s nothing added. No dressing either. And it tastes amazing. It is quite simple but yet healthy for my body. Eating it in the park is an added blessing. Making healthy choices…
I hope your day is marvelous. This post was short but hopefully sweet. I hope that you make the necessary changes in your life to make it more stress-free and peaceful. I am a work-in-progress. ♥️
This was a melancholy morning. I took my time getting out of bed and even though I slept well, I woke up tired. For some reason, even my coffee didn’t taste very good.
I got ready for work, patted Nyx on the head while reminding her to be a good girl while I was gone, and headed out the door. Even she looked melancholy but I guess that’s how she looks every time I leave her.
I am a music person. I have many playlists on my phone. Awhile back I told you about a song I listened to every morning on my drive to work. But I began to feel that my whole life was stuck in a rut so I needed to change things up a bit. I listened to that particular song every morning for about a year and a half. It served its purpose. Now I play an assortment of music.
This morning I scrolled through my playlists. Every single one of them mean something special to me. I stopped at MySoul. It is my newest playlist and will contain songs of great significance to me. Currently, there is but one song in there.
This song touches me deeply. And it did from the first time I heard it. It is called “The Sacrifice of Faramir” from The Return of the King, the third part of The Lord of the Rings. For some reason I am drawn to it. My daughter, Denae, sings it beautifully. And I have made a request that she sing it at my memorial.
This morning I chose this playlist to listen to. I turned it on and as soon as it began, I flashed back many years to when my kids were young, when they were still mine, and we were watching LOTR together. I can vividly see them sitting on the floor intently watching this wonderful story about the best of friendships. My heart almost stopped at the memory. I turned the song off before I went into a full blown cry fest. It happened so quickly.
The rest of my drive was spent deep in thought about the song, my children, and the name of this playlist. I realized just how much my children are pieces of my soul. Whenever they hurt I do too. Just as if I was the one enduring the pain and heartache. Whenever they are happy, my heart rejoices with them.
Having children is so much more than just having children. Your soul divides and each child is given a piece of you. How I miss being a mom to my young children. Those are the years I cherish.
My soul wanders about this earth in other bodies and in many different places. I hope they know that they carry the best part of me. I am far from perfect, but I managed to save the very best pieces for them. ♥️
Andi
If you by chance come across these any of these six beautiful people you would be blessed. Know that they are the very best of me.
Ever have those moments where, at the time, you wish you could hide under a rock? Maybe you weren’t hurt physically but wow…your pride sure was?
I’ve probably had more than my share, but I’m gonna share a few. It’s time for some laughs…even at my expense. Feel free to share an embarrassing moment of yours in the comments. It’s all good. You are among friends.
This first one might be more of humiliation than embarrassment, but probably both. Okay. The first two.
When I was about sixteen before we moved to a small town in Indiana, I dabbled with alcohol and pot. Boones Farm Strawberry Hill and Old Style beer. Yuck to both but that’s what us kids in the neighborhood drank. I even tried Marlboro cigarettes which I actually loved but never stuck with. One day my dad was curious about my sister and I after we got back from spending time with my cousin who was a year older than me. He knew what high looked like. So he told us that if your smoke pot your fingernails turn yellow. I immediately flipped my hands over and looked at my nails. Yep, that’s what I did. End of story.
In high school during my junior year, I became a weekend partier. Not really because it wasn’t every weekend. My girlfriend, Robin, and I bought these huge tumblers for our mixed drinks. So when I did drink, I drank big.
One Saturday night I went to a party. I drank big that night. My friend, Gary, pulled me back from the bonfire so I wouldn’t catch fire, or fall in. Then I walked right over and puked all over the side of our friend’s house. Yeah, all over the aluminum siding. I’m sure his parents were not happy with that one. From then on Gary called me AL. Short for alcoholic.
Moving on…
Several years prior to this next incident, my mom, sister, and I took a road trip to Minnesota. It was always fun with those two because we laughed so much. We had stopped at a rest area and were enjoying a nice day and stretching our legs for a bit when a woman comes strolling out of the bathroom. As she walked by we noticed she was sporting an extremely long toilet paper tail. We laughed uncontrollably. How does that even happen?!
Fast forward to a parents meeting of my son’s kindergarten class at a Christian school. I had been at work and raced to get there. But first, I needed to use the restroom. Since I was almost late, the classroom was already packed with parents quietly sitting in their seats. There was only one empty chair left. Front row, center. I had no choice but to take it.
After the meeting, we all stood up and started chatting with each other. I casually reached back to straighten my clothing…when…what?…what is that…omygosh…is it what I think it is? Yep. I was sporting a long toilet paper tail. No one said a word to me about it. I was soooooo embarrassed! I still wonder to this day…how does that happen?! And how did that group of parents keep from laughing when I sat down in front of them? What I learned was…don’t laugh at other people’s embarrassing moments. 😬
I went roller skating a lot in my young years. You know, the real skates with four wheels on each skate. I went with a group of girls so we could skate and look at boys. Hopes were that we might be asked by a boy to partner with him for the couples skate. This was an embarrassing and awkward age for me. Well, I came out of the bathroom and began to skate when I noticed toilet paper was all wound up around one of the wheels, sporting a little tail of its own. Could I have been any more embarrassed? Nope, not at that age.
Once I ran into the little mom & pop store after church one wintery night. The cars park right up to the sidewalk along the front and south side of the building. I parked on the south side. I grabbed my paper sack full of groceries with loose grapes on top and headed out to my car. My first thought was how glad I was that a car had its headlights on so I could see the corner better to get to my car when…whoops…I slipped on the icy sidewalk directly in front of that car. Up flew my skirt. Up flew the groceries out of the bag, and into my hair went the grapes. You know my hair. You’ve seen it. This crazy hair latched on tight to those grape vines. Did anyone bother to get out of their cars to help me? Nope. Not only did my arse hurt but my pride took a beating.
Trying to get up and pull my skirt down from around my waist while on ice was challenging. I still had to collect the groceries that fell out of the bag too. I did all this with grapes hanging out of my hair. First things first you know, and getting my skirt down to its modest length was a priority. Wow…what a show I put on. I’m almost certain the occupants in the parked cars were laughing their arses off and couldn’t help me if they wanted to. Heck, I even laughed ever-so-slightly when I felt the grapes in my hair.
Besides getting into other people’s cars in parking lots, wearing my workout pants inside-out and backwards, backing into a candle on New Year’s Eve and catching my sweater on fire, oh…and that little incident at the gun shop…I’m pretty sure there are many more moments I have conveniently forgotten.
Thank you for stopping by to see what I have to say today. I hope this has been a fun way to start your Monday. I laughed while putting it together. ♥️
Andi
Hope you enjoyed my goat pics as well. Goats are some of the cutest, funniest animals on this planet.
I am not a perfect human being by any means. I will never mislead anyone to believe I am anything but imperfection at its finest. I try my best to be better with every day. I wear my heart for all to see. I try to see the the very best in others. I forget and move on past most unpleasantries rather easily. Probably to a fault. I’m vocal on some issues, quiet on others, and maybe somewhat excitable. How about this…I am passionate.
When I see a very good thing, I will, in all honesty, go after it whether it is an opportunity of some sort or a relationship. This is only after I have weighed the pros and cons and also see a sincere interest from the other side as well. So when I get excited and enthusiastic over something amazing, well…I get excited and enthusiastic. Then guess what usually happens? The other side backs off. Their initial excitement appears to have never happened, which leaves me standing all alone scratching my head, and usually in tears. Pretty soon it looks like I was the only participating participant in the endeavor/ communication/ relationship. I’m left in a state of confusion and not understanding. Yep, that pretty much hurts.
The cost of being me…
People say that one of the most important qualities they desire in others is honesty. But I’ve found out that many do not even though they say they do. They really do not care one way or the other. If we are building a relationship and I have learned to trust you 100%, I will spill my 100% honest guts all over you. You ask questions and I answer. And I do the same with you. That’s what people do in close friendships or relationships. Or, so I thought. But then you walk away and I’m left feeling empty and vulnerable that I opened up to yet another person. And I simply do not get it.
The cost of being me…
I’ve been told recently that I need to open up even more. But I know the risk of that all too well. How many more people need to walk this earth knowing the intimate details of my story? I am beginning to lose trust in people.
If I am drawn into your world because you have welcomed me into it, please don’t just walk away after getting me to trust you. After I’ve shared my story, please don’t just pretend that you didn’t open your heart to me so I would be comfortable to share. I’d rather become a hermit and live that type of lonely than continually suffer the humiliation and embarrassment of feeling like I was very important to you when I was nothing but another name that crossed your path.
The cost of being me…is high. Or, am I cheap. I’m not sure how to look at it. I am gullible. I am naive. And I am all too trusting.
The cost of being me…is painful.
I am not sure how to do things differently. Am I supposed to change who I am? I don’t know that I want to. I worked very hard to get to this point where I’m actually beginning to like who I am. But I certainly do not like my vulnerability. And I lack understanding, for sure.
Okay, I woke up with that heaviness on my heart this morning. But I don’t want to leave you feeling heavy from reading this. I’m still growing and learning. I am okay, really. No worries. So to lift you back up I am sending you this gorgeous face to brighten your day. She posed for me at the county fair. Isn’t she a cutie? (I call her a she because of her gorgeous eyelashes.)
Have a great day and a great start to the new week. Praise God in all things. Even in your trials. ♥️
Andi
The cost of being me no way compares to the cost of being Jesus. He came to this earth and endured more than any one of us could ever comprehend. He made Heaven a possibility for each of us. ♥️
Often we judge others as being a hypocrite. We can see hypocrisy everywhere. In our politicians, in other various forms of leadership, at work, in our schools, and sadly, in our churches. We watch how others live and see how their words just don’t match up with their actions.
How often though are we also hypocrites? Do we say one thing yet do another? Do as I say, not as I do. Are we judgmental of others while doing the same only privately? Are we pretending to be someone’s friend only because we see a possible gain of some sort? Do we boast of being a Christian yet God’s rules don’t apply to us? We humans love to rationalize and we can make just about anything right in our own eyes.
Living a hypocritical life is purely for self gain. Everything bad usually derives from selfishness. I know I have been selfish. Hypocritical too. It’s nothing to be proud of.
It’s probably best not to promote ourself a certain way when we know we’re going to do what we want…which is the exact opposite. It’s maybe best to be quiet, I think. Or, better yet…just be honest.
Thank you again for sharing a moment of your time, and a cup of coffee with me. ♥️
I wrote a blog a long time ago about this same subject. I felt compelled to write about it again.
What is a gift, first of all? Well, it’s something we give to another with no strings attached. It’s given from the heart. A gift can be material or not.
A gift is also a special talent given to us from Above. I could never list all of the wonderful talents God has blessed us with. They are as unique and individual as we are. I truly believe each of us has at least one gift, if not several.
When I was a young mom with four kids, I became to frustrated with my life. Even angry at times. I thought, is this all there is to MY life? When is it MY time?
As hard as that was to share with you, I’m happy to say that was a very short-lived season in my life. I prayed a lot and threw my anger, resentment, and frustration at His feet. And then it came to me. I was in the most perfect place. I was doing exactly what I should have been doing. I was being a mom. And that was my gift from God.
Once I realized this my heart was settled and I found the most fulfilling part of my life was being a committed mom. I was exactly where I should be.
I am in no way suggesting that my life was a piece of cake from then on. I was in a bad marriage and I was distracted often with depression, grief, and sadness. Sadly, sometimes those pulled me away from the closeness with my children. It was a time of great confusion for all of us. But, regardless, being a mom was/ is my gift.
Another gift for me is writing. I don’t consider myself to be an exceptional writer, but the messages I receive from readers let me know that I touch them in one way or another. And I am grateful for that.
Have you ever regifted a gift? We might feel somewhat awkward regifting a material gift. But the gifts/ talents we have been blessed with should be regifted. Sacrificing and sharing our time, energy, our voices, our hands…those are of great importance. What is a talent worth if it’s not given to others?
What is your gift? What do you do with it? There are a great many blessings in regifting.
Enjoy your Saturday. I’m drinking my coffee out on my deck. It is cool this morning. A welcomed change for sure. ♥️
This topic partners well with yesterday’s blog. We have all sorts of well-meaning people telling us how to walk through our life. Including how we walked years ago. How does that even make sense? You should have…should never be included in conversation.
I know people may have the best of intentions most of the time, but it isn’t fair to critique someone’s walk in life. Not unless you’ve actually walked in their shoes. And if you haven’t, then leave their shoelaces alone.
Example…I have married women who tell me that I don’t need a man in my life. I don’t need a man to make me happy and that I need to enjoy my independence and my freedom. Then they tack on a little…you are so lucky.
Well, my first thought is this…I’m 60 years old. I’ve been married for 31 of those. I kinda think I know what marriage is about. So please don’t treat me like I haven’t a clue.
Please don’t try to tie my shoes.
My second thought is…I really feel sorry for you that you view my singleness as luck and that you admire me for being alone. It speaks volumes about you and your mindset about your own marriage.
I walked a lot of miles in those marriage shoes. Even though my two marriages failed, I still believe in it. Why? For many reasons, but first and foremost, it is God’s design. And He designed it for a reason.
Regardless of what your story is, you’ve walked miles in your own shoes. You’ve experienced things I never have. You see life from different angles. I’ve experienced things that would probably make your jaw drop and it’s been suggested many times that I write a book about my life. Well…if I did that, many names would have to be changed. And then I’d have to cut my hair and move to some place like Slickpoo, Two Egg, Burnt Porcupine, Mudd Butte, Knockemstiff, Smackover, Bumpass, or Ding Dong USA.
But because of our own personal experiences, we have learned and grown in our own way. We managed to survive. It was our journey. Our views of life vary because of it. Our hearts beat to different drums, Someone else may have experienced a similar walk. Yet, we are still very different.
So when someone tells you where to jump and how high…kindly say:
Please don’t even try to tie my shoes.
But I’m not suggesting that with our different views in life should there be division among us. No, quite the contrary. We should have an even greater need and compassion for one another. If anything, our walks have shown us the fragility of life. Every single day is sacred. And it’s to be shared with one another.
Please don’t try to tie anyone’s shoes.
There’s a difference between being critical and helping someone with compassion, love, and understanding.
Thanks for having coffee with me today. May your Friday be amazing. Be grateful always. I am certainly grateful for my Tamarindo Pathfinder slip-ons. No shoelaces. ♥️
We all have a past. Some of it is exceptionally good while other parts might be a little on the dark side. We are human and we make mistakes, bad choices, and wrong decisions. Sometimes we are caught up in something so off-color, we don’t even realize the messiness of our life. That is, until we find a way to look in from the outside. Then it’s eye-opening. Or, it should be anyway.
I know my past very well. I’d prefer that some of it was buried deep so I’d never ever have to look at it again. But, I also realize that my past has shaped me, molded me, and helped me to become a better person. Not that I would EVER suggest that you intentionally do wrong because it might make you a better person later. DO NOT DO THAT. We can definitely learn enough from all the things we unintentionally do wrong.
Moving on up to the present…
So we have a past. If you haven’t learned anything, if you are still living in unproductive and unhealthy patterns, then expect others to talk about you and your life. It’s going to happen. Your past defines your present.
But if you have changed and grown, and you’ve left your old life behind, do not allow it to define you. If someone tries to bind your past to the present, do not allow it bring you down. Sadly, there are those who walk this earth who are relentless and unforgiving. Whose sole purpose in life (so it seems) is to disrupt other’s lives so no one notices theirs. Do not let it touch your heart. You do not answer to them. As hard as it might be, walk away knowing you are better than that person of yesterday. Walk away with your head held high because you no longer know or associate with the person they speak of.
I am one who carries much guilt from my past. I’m a sponge that has absorbed all the pain, hurt, and sorrow throughout my lifetime. One wrong word from certain people and I can lose a day, or a week, or longer, because my spirit is crushed and I once again feel every bit of my unworthiness. So this post is for me.
We all have our crosses to bear, but it’s wonderful to know that we don’t have to carry the weight alone. It’s awesome that we are not going to be judged by humans.
Do not let your past define you. Be strong and hold your head high. You are an overcomer and a survivor. Lean on those who fill you your bucket. Walk away from the rest.
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But I believe we can all pretty much agree on what is beautiful. If we are referring to a humanthough, no matter who it is, beauty is found deep within the soul. That’s where we should be looking. Someone can be adored for being the #1 top-rated most beautiful man or woman of the whole universe, but yet have the personality of a #2 skillet. Another may not be as pleasing to the eye but would sacrifice their life for yours. The soul houses the truest part of you, and of me, and I believe if you look hard enough you will see their soul through their eyes.
eyes
But this post isn’t about eyes being the window to the soul. Although I may need to consider it in the future. No, this post is about beautiful things found within our day to day living. Very simple, yet beautiful things.
animalsholiday cookiespoppies the Biblewinter waveswinebuildingsballoons a baby’s smile raindrops flowersbonfirethe innocence of a child sunrisewater lily waterfall wintery sunrise breakfast with coffee and eggs a praying mantis sunset
So many blessings around us. Each and everyday these blessings are just waiting to be noticed. I could have shared so much more out of my 19,000 pics on my phone. I’m sure if you made a list of your own we’d see that we have a great deal in common. We all have many things in common.
Wouldn’t it be grand if every person focused on our similarities instead of division? There is no race in a sunset, a baby’s smile, or in a newly fallen snow. We have so much in common.
Thank you for being here again to share a moment with me. This is the highlight of my day…writing to you. ♥️
Andi
donuts added for a friend
Photo credits: all mine except for the ballon picture, courtesy of BB, and the waves picture which is courtesy of my son, Jet
When the work day doesn’t always go as so well, it’s nice to know that you will be greeted with love when you arrive at home.
Nyx goes crazy when I walk through the door to the house. I can barely get inside. Then she races around and barks at everyone inside the house and runs back to me. She does this several times. She’s a nut.
Crystal is afraid of getting stomped on by an over reactive Nyx so she tries to see me while staying clear of her. But Nyx will bark loudly in her face and it stops her in her track.
Amber will be waiting for me at the end of the entryway, smiling with her squinty eyes and maybe offering me a gift as goldens tend to do. She tries to avoid getting knocked over too, and Nyx doesn’t leave her out. She also gets a big dose of dog bark from the wild one.
I’m not sure about Frodo yet. He loves to be held…for now. I take it that he likes me at least a little. He also seems to do fine with Crystal. This little guy has sent Nyx scurrying to her corner with his barely audible hiss and a swipe of his tiny paw. We will see as Frodo gets bigger who will win. But currently Frodo is ahead 1-0.
Animals are pretty amazing when it comes to lifting spirits and healing hearts. I cannot hardly tolerate the extra hair around this place (just ask my kids) but I’m not sure what I’d do without our dogs…and our new kitten.
Enjoy your evening, and your pets, if you’ve been blessed with any. ♥️
I’ve encountered situations throughout my lifetime where I felt it absolutely necessary to win. To come out on top. To be the first, the best, the most righteous, the wisest. And some of these were more likely than not at the expense of another.
How often have we misrepresented ourselves and/or our intention to get what we want? Have we ever taken advantage of someone’s kindness, their trusting spirit, their graciousness because they are an easy target?
Are we willing to throw out all of our upbringing, our schooling, our religious teaching, our morals, our values for a moment of victory? Just to say, I conquered?
What did we actually achieve, besides gloating for a day or two? What was the prize? A name for ourself? Another tally mark?
Winning is never winning if we are not a good and honest person. When we sacrifice others for our own glory, that speaks volumes about the condition of our heart. And it is a true reflection of who we are.
I’d like to believe that I am far removed from that part of my life. I’ve seen the faces of those I’ve hurt in the past. There is no triumph, no glory, no winning, no satisfaction in that. I’ve felt the pain of another’s defeat at the expense of me being having to be right or get what I wanted.
What matters in life is honesty. It’s about being a good person no matter what the circumstance or where we are. It’s being Christ-like whether we are in, or out, of a church building. Because nothing is hidden from God.
The ultimate win is entering the pearly gates at the end of our own personal race. ♥️
In March of 2020, I wrote a post called Not Made of Steel. As of today, I still am not. In fact, I am more frail than I am strong.
Writing often helps me sort out my thoughts and put things into proper perspective. I discover a great deal about myself through writing. And I acknowledge there is a lesson to learn in every.single.thing. The lesson I’ve learned recently is certainly a tough one to swallow. When you think you cannot be humbled anymore, think again. Here I am as proof.
I have highs and lows just like anyone. I have meltdowns. I sing. I suffer heartbreak. I dance. I get angry. I feel alone. I laugh. I panic. I sing and dance. I fear. I get excited. I get depressed. I dream big. I cry. I worry. I fall on my face. I get up. I praise God. I grieve. I cry some more. I raise my voice. Sometimes, I can’t speak. I want to quit one day and fly the next.
We all go through the same things. The only difference is I put it all in writing for all to see. I make myself vulnerable just to connect with you, either privately, or publicly here.
I write from my heart which I wear it on my sleeve. I feel deep and I share that depth of emotion. I write in love and with all sincerity. I can be deeply honest as to how I feel. And if I truly believe I am right, I will share that. Combine that with being too persistent at times and I come across as being brutal. The end result is a loss of a friend or two.
Doesn’t everyone want to be heard, or is it just me? Or maybe I just want to be acknowledged. Whatever it is…I have been greatly humbled. Hit hard. And quite frankly, it doesn’t feel so good. Does humbling ever though?
I do not set out to hurt others or appear to be holier than thou. I am in search of answers and fulfillment in life just as you. I fall flat more frequently than not. Today, I am not in a good place. I question my purpose. I don’t wear a cape or carry a shield. I’m so not made of steel. Not today.
I am not perfect. When I can finally see a problem within myself, I need to correct it. We all need to do a little reflecting periodically. It is a type of cleansing.
I entitled this Me because this is about me. It’s about my shortcoming, my grief, my embarrassment, my repentance. If you can relate then there is a blessing in my sharing this.
Maybe my today was your yesterday. Maybe you will struggle tomorrow. Just know that we all do. If life was perfect here we wouldn’t strive to reach Heaven. God wants us to be in Heaven with Him.
When you are confronted with tough decisions and/ or conflict, take into account both sides of the scenario. And do so with an open mind.
Life isn’t fair. At least, not for the most part. But that shouldn’t keep us from being as fair as possible in all of our considerations. Seeing both sides of an equation will give us better insight, a better understanding, of each other. Life is not fair. Simply put. Life isn’t just about me, nor is it just about you. Life is learning to live along side with one another. It’s about living together as a couple, a family, a community, a nation, a world. It’s about finding a common ground even with all of our differences.
Do all with understanding…
I do not have all the answers. No one does. Sharing ideas, concepts, and thought processes only widen our vision and perception of how problems can be solved and of how our world turns. Listening and learning. It’s how we become wiser. It’s how we become more passionate and compassionate for others.
Do all with understanding…even when we find it difficult, troubling, and uncomfortable. I’m not suggesting to compromise falsities over truth, or evil over good. But truly listen to what others are saying so you can have a better understanding of each other. Truth will prevail if both listen to the other side and think about what’s been presented. I believe that.
An afternoon thought today. Sitting on my front porch swing always helps me to think a little deeper.
I hope you are enjoying this lovely Saturday. Thank you for being here. ♥️
Two days ago, my boss, Keith, came into the office with blood all over his arm. I gave him a concerned gasp when I saw it. He said, “Don’t worry, it’s not mine.” Well, that certainly didn’t make me feel any better. Especially since he was smiling and seemed to be quite happy. What did you do?? LOL
Keith explained that he was driving when he saw something tiny in the road. He stopped and saw it was an injured kitten. He also noticed that his sibling was deceased. So Keith picked him up before the next vehicle, which was huge truck, ended his life. He took him to the vet where they were checking him out. Keith said he would be needing to find a home for him. And then said, “Oh, by the way, his name is Cash.” The kitten was hit in front of a business called Cash. My heart melted. My boss is the best.
He got good reports from the vet throughout the day. The kitten was kept overnight. Yesterday, we had our company staff meeting and my boss announced right off that he needed to find home. I spoke up first. Keith renamed him Johnny Cash after finding out he was male. Dressed in his black coat like Johnny, it was perfect.
After the meeting, I stopped at the store and picked up all the supplies I’d need for this little guy. Then I went to the vet. I got all teared up when they brought him out to me. He was so tiny. They believe him to be about six weeks old. How he survived getting hit by a car with only a little limp and a tiny cut is a miracle. My gracious, animal-loving boss is picking up all his bills. Even his first shots and neutering.
Cash was a little talker for sure. All the vet techs had fallen in love with him. As I drove home with him snuggled up by my collar bone he talked for a bit and then found comfort in my hair. He even started to purr.
I didn’t go straight home. I pulled off by a park and bonded with him a little more before taking him home to the chaos. Namely, Nyx. When we got home he was behind me with his head resting on my shoulder. I told my daughter about the kitten the day of the accident. She sent me kitten memes all day. But yesterday morning I said I didn’t know that we should get him. Life is already stressful enough. So she basically thought the answer was no.
When she came out to greet me and saw his little face peering from behind, well…she melted too.
He’s a cuddly kitten and I hope he stays that way. Cats are different, you know. Typically, it’s their way or the highway.
My daughter is in love, and, so am I. His name has been changed to Frodo. I might secretly call him Cash. I like that name and I’m appreciative of all that my boss did for him.
Welcome home, little Frodo/ Cash. You’ve got eight lives left. Let’s make the best of them together as a family. ♥️
I was recently digging through some of my old treasures from decades ago. But when opening up little boxes and containers it seemed like only yesterday I saw them last. Actually, there’s been a whole lot of life lived between then and now.
My girls made fun of some of the things I kept. I admit they are kinda weird. A red Cookie Monster puppet with a deflated ping pong eye. A dog head puppet that is now as hard as rock. A stuffed koala named Cory, that is missing a couple of his plastic paws and his nose.
My candy stripe uniform from when I volunteered at the hospital. My one-piece gym suit. Lovely. My tonette, of which I can still play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. A creepy smiley face I made, raccoon teeth, and my Born Loser comics.
One of my favorite baby dolls was in that box too. Oh, my how I loved that baby. I took her everywhere. I guess I was practicing loving on her so I could love on my own real babies years down the road.
When I tell people how scary I look in the morning, I describe my hair as that of a doll that’s been left in an attic for 50 years. My baby’s hair isn’t too bad when you think she’s about 54 years old. But then mine is a whole lot longer. Pretty darn scary, fellas. Maybe this explains why I don’t have a man. 😬
I also found a painted egg that my friend, Judy Lynn, had made for me. She took a needle and poked a hole at each end and blew the egg out of the shell. Then she painted it. After all these years it’s still intact. I store it in a Blue Jeans cologne box. Remember that cologne?
I guess the creepiest of my toys were the Thumbelina dolls. You pulled the string in their back and they’d roll their head around in a circle. One of them hummed inside when the string was pulled and my girls found that quite disturbing and made me stop playing with it.
Kiddles doll (left) and a Thumbelina doll
All of these treasures brought back great memories of a childhood long gone. Seeing this stuff made me feel a little homesick. But in a good way. As we grow older I think sometimes we want to go back to our roots. At least revisit them. Long before my mom passed she desired to have her ashes spread at the Chiricahua National Monument located in the southeast corner of Arizona. She loved that part of the country. But at the very end of life, she just wanted to go home. And that being Detroit Lakes, Minnesota.
I finally dug through small containers that held my jewelry. This is when I found my spoon ring. I think I bought it around the age 15. I guess that means about 45 years ago. I held it while I thought about my life back then and the all friends I hung out with when I wore it. I thought about my friend Ronnie, the wild boy in the neighborhood with the big red truck and the baby blue Galaxy 500 convertible…the first boy to steal my heart.
Me at 15
I tried on the ring and it fit. Okay, okay…I had to open it up slightly to make it fit better. I cleaned it up with an old toothbrush and my stove top cleaner and got it shining pretty good. I slipped it on my left index finger and there it’s stayed. And I love it. I really don’t care if it looks tacky. It means a lot to me right now. Maybe with my dad’s passing recently I’m even a little more homesick. This ring is about as close to home as I can get. Home being the sweet memories of time with my family and friends in the ‘70’s. Ahhhh….what a decade that was.
I repacked my boxes of treasures, and set them back in the garage. I will go through them again another day and pitch what I really don’t need to keep. You probably have an idea of what all that might be.
It’s nice to reminisce once in awhile. I hope you enjoyed my little blast from the past. Just please don’t tell me my old spoon ring looks tacky. LOL ♥️
(Based on the song You Say, by Lauren Daigle. Highlighted words belong to her.)
I listened to this song twice on my way to work this morning. It hit home. When nothing seems to go right, when you just don’t measure up, and when you feel empty and alone…this song is a reminder that God sees you differently than you see yourself.
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low? Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know
He is a comfort in times of trial and heartache. He supports us when we do not have the strength to support ourself.
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong when I think I am weak And you say I am held when I am falling short And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe Oh I believe What You say of me I believe.
The question is…do we believe? I mean really believe? I know I fall short. I doubt at times. A lot of times. I get angry sometimes too. I realize there is another power on this earth who wants me to question my belief in my God; who wants me to fail. So I need to be much stronger.
I believe…
This song gave me encouragement this morning. I hope you find encouragement through it as well. ♥️
Andi
The YouTube link is below. Hopefully, it will come through on your email. Sometimes it does not.
I am in bed and it’s still light outside. It reminds me of when my parents made us kids go to bed at 8:00 in the summer and we’d lie awake listening to our neighborhood friends still playing outside. Now I am putting myself to bed. And I don’t even care who’s still outside tonight.
Pretty much the only escape I have from the complexity of life is in the comfort of my own bed, in my own room. Tonight, I think I’d like to stay here forever.
I’m not sure how much of this complexity is of my own doing. I don’t recall going out in search of it. It just seems to find me. All I want is simple. I truly do not ask for much. A simple life complete with simple things. Like more coffee time with friends on my front porch. A yard that’s easier to care for. More time for writing. More bonfire time. And to love, and be loved by someone of my own, to soothe this ache within my heart. God has blessed me with friends though. And for that, I am truly grateful.
I also desire that our world find some common ground through peace. We are a tired world. An exhausted people. And the last year and a half has been most taxing. I’m not sure why everything has to be so hard. It would really be grand to have a break every now and again.
I know I’ve become stronger through complexity. This is very true. Complexity has been the theme of my entire life. But honestly, I am tired now and I don’t feel like dealing with it so much anymore. Hopefully, after a good night’s rest I will have the energy needed for another day.
Sleep well tonight and arise with a peace in your heart. Spread it around your little world, and I will do the same. If you cannot make your own life simpler, maybe you and I can lightened the load of another. Let’s aim for that.
I can still see the woods from my bedroom window. That’s okay. I don’t mind tonight. This is my place of peace and simplicity.
Today I was pleasantly surprised with a text from a friend. She thought of me with the photos she took yesterday. I’m glad that she sees me in a positive light.
It is my goal to touch your heart in a good way. Not that I’m all that. I’m not. I have learned everything the hard way and have worked from the ground up to be a better person. Once-upon-a-time, I wasn’t so good. I was easily influenced to be very negative about life and people in general. I was conflicted between who I was deep down inside and the heavy influence outside by someone close to me. I caved. But since I’ve removed myself from that pressure, I am returning back to the person I once was. And hopefully, I’m even better today.
We touch others everyday…even unintentionally. And we leave our mark with them either negatively or positively. I choose to positively touch others. I know I fail periodically but it is my goal to do better. I’m glad that you are forgiving of those times when I do fail and that you return to visit me here.
I am thrilled to know that someone relates to me as a positive in her life. Robin has now touched me.
I’m wishing you well this day and hope that you are a positive in the lives of those you encounter.
Thank you for being here. I am hoping that Coffee with Andi is always a good addition to your day. ♥️
Today’s weather is pretty much exactly same as yesterday, but there’s something different about this day.
Yesterday, I felt the warmth on my skin when I sat at the nature park for lunch. I remember the warmth because I had been cold in my office all morning. But was the sun really shining? I don’t recall. According to the weather channel it was.
I don’t recall acknowledging the day, or the sun, or anything special because I was sad. I thought I had lost something. Something good. Something important to me. My mind was cloudy.
Today, I am sitting at the nature park again. Same park. Same spot. Same sun shining brightly on me as yesterday. And I acknowledge and appreciate every bit of it.
What makes a day sunny? Well, the sun does, of course. But what makes a day bright? Finding out you didn’t lose anything the day before. Not a single thing. And not only isn’t it lost, it’s more awesome than it was before. Maybe we appreciate things more when we realize we could lose them.
This weekend I took my own advice and crammed what I could into my weekend. When I think back to what I did Saturday morning, it seems like a long time ago. And that’s a good thing. I almost feel as though I returned from a vacation.
Yesterday evening we set out to take our dogs to Walnut Creek for a swim. But as it turned out it was too peopley in our swimming hole. So we drove on.
We took a road less traveled. And a dusty one at that. As we drove along the creek on this windy dirt road, trees became tunnels for us to pass through. I stopped several times to take pictures along the way and to watch the swiftness of the muddy, swollen creek from days of rain.
While I found tiny treasures of varied sorts, I also felt a loneliness on that dusty, off-the-beaten-path road. Perhaps, it is a longing. Not many travel this way. If they did, the road would be paved by now.
I also found peace. Such beauty out in nature and no one to answer to except for my God. I can just be.
How can one feel so empty and so filled at the same moment? There is much thinking to be had in such a place as this. I guess there is a certain magic found on roads less traveled.
I feel sad. Just a little. But I’m okay. I just have so much yet to learn about life. Maybe I should spend more time on a dusty road, along a winding creek, and near an old covered bridge to help me to understand the complexities of life. And of myself.
Until then…it’s off to face a world I’m just not ready to face today. I did enjoy my weekend so that is a blessing.
I hope you enjoyed your weekend as well. When things get tough, find yourself a dusty old road. There’s a magic of sorts on a road less traveled. ♥️
All life was created by God. And when God created man He saw that man should not be alone. So God designed something wonderful. He created woman. And from those two, God created family. God looked over all of His creation and said it is good.
Today we see the very essence of woman being mocked and stripped away. Some men compete in women’s sports. Some men say they can menstruate and nurse babies. This is a slap in the face to every women who has ever or will ever walk this earth, and a spit in the face of men. It is truly a mockery in the face of our God. Something that He does not take lightly.
When God created this special woman to be with Adam, He knew exactly how to design her. She needed to be strong both mentally and physically. Her body would have unique demands placed upon it and God made her body perfect.
Man was also created perfectly for his role as husband and father. He was made strong to work the earth and to care for and protect his family and his home. He is unique in design as well and both sexes were created with boundaries. There is a reason why men and women cannot cross over. And it is really very simple to understand. God is not the author of confusion.
I Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…
What happened to the days of encouraging those with poor self-confidence, low self-esteem, and poor body image to love who they are? To embrace their uniqueness of the skin they were born in? Now we encourage them to change who they are by taking them to the U-Pick Gonad Store just around the corner to choose their new set of whatever. And where hormones are sold like liters of pop. But strangely no one can change the very essence of who they are because, you see…God had a hand in their design. No one can change their specific building blocks. Their DNA. Their unique code in life.
Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…
God is not the author of confusion.
AndGod will not be mocked.
We spend so much time on things that distract us from doing what He has asked of us. People are spending their whole lifetime (and money) trying to get their sexuality figured out when God already did that for them. Time and money that could have helped other people and for just causes. We’ve become extremely self-centered. We have this need for instant self-gratification. And I truly believe that selfishness is root-cause of all sin.
Embrace who you are. You were designed by God Himself. And you are beautiful. Truly, you are. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Golden Trout Lake, MT and wild geraniums, courtesy of BB
Some days time doesn’t go fast enough, and then there are days like today when I’d like for time (and moments) to go a tad bit slower. Maybe even stand still.
Poppy theme of my home
I cannot believe that it’s the middle of July already. The Fourth is but a blip on the radar. Time travels just too fast.
This weekend, try to enjoy every single moment. Get out there and do stuff. Be active. Climb a mountain. Catch a fish. Hike a trail. Ride a bike. Play ball. Swim. Golf. The more you do, the longer the day will seem.
I know I’ve written about the importance of patience numerous times before but it has been awhile. And it is much needed.
We are so impatient about many things. We try to work our own magic to make things work in our own timing. From experience, I see how that messes things up for so many people. Typically, our actions and reactions affect others. And sometimes many others.
I have been known to be an impatient girl in the past, but I’d like to think I’ve done a lot of growing up over the last couple of years or so. I do have flare ups once in awhile. Tonight was one of them.
I was impatient for answers and I kinda freaked out. That certainly didn’t help the already stressful situation. I spent a couple of hours panicking, assuming the worst, and thinking how badly this was going to end for me…only to find out that everything was actually okay.
Two hours spent that I can’t get back. Two hours where I could have focused on something or someone else. And all because I chose not to wait until the facts were in. Instead, I chose to be a hot mess of unbridled emotion.
Me…a hot mess of unbridled emotion
So here’s my confession. I did it again. But I’m very glad things turned out better than I imagined.
I hope you were patient today and that your day was swell. Thanks for your encouragement to continue writing. I appreciate it so much. ♥️
I should have known. Actually, I did know. Today was destined to be a challenge.
It started when I fell back to sleep this morning after my alarm went off. That absolutely never happens. It continued on into the closet where I tried on a couple of outfits and nothing felt right. It was when I was everywhere that my umbrella wasn’t on this rainy day. Everything was just kinda hard. Really hard.
I listened to Glen Campbell on my way home, if that tells you anything. And I knew exactly what I was going to do when I got there. Wash this day down the drain.
And so I did…for the most part.
You see…there were pleasant moments sprinkled throughout my day. A picture a smoky Montana sky sent from a friend. Texts of encouragement. A nap in the park. A hug from a friend. So I didn’t wash it all away.
I took a long hot shower and washed my hair. Not sure what it is about clean legs and wet dog noses, but this time I didn’t care. Nyx was just so happy to have me home. It’s a great to be loved that much. Another pleasantry.
Even on the hard days you can find those little blessings. Focus on those and wash the rest down the drain.
Have a peaceful evening. Live in the moment, and don’t worry about tomorrow until it gets here. ♥️
Andi
Photos: a smoky Montana sky, courtesy of BB; Nyx, wanting to play
I frequently go to the nature park on my lunch hour. I eat, enjoy the sunshine or rain, and even try to get in a short power nap. I find great peace just being there.
Today, while eating a Jimmy John’s unwich, I noticed my favorite wild flower, Queen Anne’s Lace. After I finished eating, I got out to take pictures.
Queen Anne’s Lace
It was then I noticed a colorful array of tiny treasures.
Tiny treasures sent from above to make a typical Monday just a little bit brighter. ♥️
Why is it so hard to get back to something that is beneficial to you? We build good healthy habits. We study our Bible. We pray. Spiritually, we are in a good place with God. We exercise our physical bodies. We try to eat better, healthier. We seem to have things figured out and life is good.
But then something happens that throws us off track. Someone gets sick or a divorce kills a marriage. Maybe we just have a really bad day. For me, it often doesn’t take much to tip my boat. We become overwhelmed and maybe even a little mad at God. We close our Bible and stop talking to Him.
We come back off a holiday or from a vacation of eating what we want and being a little lazy, and then we just can’t seem to get our exercise routine started back up again. Our good eating habits went out the window.
Why is it so hard to get back to God or the things that made us feel good? Two days pass. And then a week, a month, six months….
When we finally have had enough of feeling bad, we find ourselves back at the starting gate. And starting over isn’t fun. There might be extra weight to get off now or a sluggishness in our exercise. Maybe there’s a slight rebellion at the thought of lifting a weight or even stepping foot inside the gym. We find ourselves clinging to sugary and processed foods. And we’d rather sit in front of the TV with a bag of Cape Cod kettle chips than open our Bible or close our eyes in prayer.
Life is about finding balance. All of nature is balanced. We are too. But our human nature comes with a very complex mind. A mind that’s often conflicted with its own self. We can talk ourselves into or out of anything. So we need to have very positive self-talks in order to bring ourselves up to the bar and keep us there. That will build strength and character.
If you find yourself in this place, all hope is not lost. Recognizing where you are is half the battle. Putting your energies forward and upward is going to take effort but you aren’t alone. This isn’t an isolated issue. I bet most of us find ourselves back at the starting gate numerous times throughout our life. I confess…I’m back at the starting gate.
Chin up. Eyes up. Ask for help. I believe this is always the first positive step. Start with God. And what better day to start than the day He set apart from all the others; Sunday, the first day of the week.
Be kind to yourself, but firm. Realize the benefits outweigh the disappointment we feel within ourself.
Be grateful for new beginnings. Push yourself. It will get easier. ♥️
Andi
Photos: taken on our little country drive last weekend.
I had no choice but to mow today. And I’m truly sorry. We’ve been getting so much rain lately and there was only this small window of opportunity.
Believe me….I try my hardest to avoid Saturday mowings. Today was really difficult. Not for me, no. For all the men in my neighborhood.
A few years back, when the news got out that my bright orange Husqvarna arrived, a couple of the neighborhood men came over to admire my new ride. We stood around in my garage talking mowers and drinking beer. Ahhhh, I felt like one of the guys.
Today, things are slightly different. When the men hear me start up my mower, they cringe. They find something else to do…like go to town. Or, go inside. And turn the music up. Loud. I’m quite sure I’m the talk of this little town as they recreate the noises they’ve heard and use mostly colorful words to describe the crazy woman with the wild hair riding the Husqvarna. And if we had a tavern here…yeah, I can only imagine.
As you recall, I had twelve trees taken down. No, they were dropped to the ground. Besides the trees damaging my yard, so did the equipment used to remove the larger portions of the trees. It was like a massive tree explosion when those babies fell. I have never in my life hated sticks so much as I do now. No matter how often you go out to pick them up, there are still more. And me and my Husqvarna find every one of them.
But we are trailblazers, me and my mower. We drive over and through it all. Massive mole hills, sticks, and even a few rocks here and there. There are holes in the yard where the trees speared the yard as they fell. I’ve tried to fill them in. But the dirt settles. And my blade catches them all.
I don’t know much about mowers except to put gas in them and check the oil periodically. I had the mower repair place pick it up in March to prepare it for the mowing season. I think my baby needs to go back sooner than later. I’m sure we need new blades.
To the men in neighborhood…you guys with the manicured lawns and your perfectly straight lines…I’m sorry. I mow in circles. I hit things. I make lots a loud noises. To you, I’m kinda what nightmares are made of. I try my hardest to mow when you all are at work. Just know that. I don’t purposely try to ruin your Saturday. We tried to make it quick today but we did have a few cringe moments. I can’t apologize enough.
I love my Husqvarna. He’s definitely been good to me even with all that I put him through. He’s resting now after quite an eventful mowing session.
I hope your weekend is going well. I’m absolutely sure it’s going better for you than those in close proximity to my newly mown lawn.
Smile and be happy! It could be worse. I could live next door to you!
Every Friday night is date night with my girl…my youngest daughter, Mattea. We go to a different restaurant every week. Well, sometimes there are repeats of our favorites. Tonight we went back to the Mexican restaurant near us. It’s always good and the service is fast. I could do without the chips and salsa although what does it really matter in the scheme of things when you drink two peach daiquiris. 🥴
I love our nights out even if we don’t do a whole lot. My girl is special.
There’s always a grand welcoming committee waiting for us to arrive home. Our three dogs miss us so much when we are out. Now it’s playtime.
Enjoy your Friday evening wherever you are. Reflect on the week and all it presented to you. And then let it go for the weekend. Thank you for stopping by tonight. ♥️
This day was a confused mess of weather. I’m sure the foliage loved the rain, sunshine, and humidity. Should it rain, or should it shine? I guess we will do both. So it did.
I realized something today. I try too hard at certain things. And I can’t do that anymore. It doesn’t make me feel good, and then I worry about what sources the energy was pulled from. And that causes a whole slue of problems of its own. I’m tired of feeling depleted and my bucket running on empty.
I guess this goes along the line of Selling Yourself, one of my recent blogs. Knowing when to stop. There has to be an equal balance of interest. If not, I just cannot exhaust myself trying to fit pieces of a puzzle together that don’t even come from the same box.
No worries. It’s all good. I’m a little sad sometimes but that’s just sentimental me. I’m not disappointed in myself because I am a good person and I gave my best. I’m not perfect, but I am good enough.
I’m sitting on my deck and the breeze actually feels cool at this moment. It’s lovely. I’m so glad to be home. I hope you are enjoying your evening as well. ♥️
On Sunday I told Charlie to get ready ‘cause we were picking her up for the afternoon. Mattea and I drove over to get her and then we kept on driving.
Long drives through the country are always special. There is peace in that. You can usually find something that intrigues you. And we did. No, it wasn’t the yummy little ice cream place just off the beaten path, but an old town north of here.
We parked the car and walked on the old brick street around the court house located on the town square. The old jail was turned into an inn. There was an old saloon where lots of bikers had stopped on their way through town. Beautiful bikes lined two streets. There were two antique stores, and then what reminded me of an old five and dime store from days long gone. Just off the square was an old theater and Benjamin’s Diner.
But the most intriguing of all was a very old storefront with a wood sign hanging in the window which read “Always the Unusual”. Of course, we just had to take a closer look. Once peering through the windows, my first thought was you couldn’t pay me enough to stay in there all night. Of course, the bullet hole in the window added just the right touch.
It looked like something out of a scary movie. And it made you wonder when the last living person walked through it. When I looked higher up on the outside of the building, I read the old weather-worn sign: Museum. It was once a museum…..
The door handle in yesterday’s blog was from this little shop of horrors. I could probably write a story about this place, but I won’t. I’m not so good with scary things. What we could see was a sampling of what nightmares are made of. My nightmares anyway. My pictures though don’t capture the true creepiness inside.
I couldn’t get my pictures to turn out well. It wasn’t until we were ready to leave when I realized all I had to do was press the phone tight against the glass for a picture without a glare.
I’m just sharing a little randomness with you this morning. Pictures I found intriguing. Remnants of someone’s past.
I hope you enjoy this little diversion from my typical posts. It was a fun day. Too fun not to share with friends.
I know I get pretty serious sometimes. We all probably do more so now than let’s say, two years ago. We live in pretty serious times. But let’s not forget to let our hair down once in awhile and have some fun. I did. And it was great.
Friday was the First Friday event in our city. The square is closed off and typically three bands play in different areas off the square. There’s food and plenty of drink options. 🥴 We certainly missed it last year.
I ran around with a new group of friends. We are supporting our mutual friend in his run for sheriff. What a fun bunch of people. We enjoyed a few hours of not caring about much else outside of our little world. There was a bonding and building of new friendships, laughing, a little dancing here and there, a lot of singing, and maybe acting a few years younger than our age. It was all good.
Those few hours helped my emotional state of mind a great deal. My spirit definitely needed lifting. It also made me realize why I fight so hard. I don’t want to lose the freedom to enjoy times like these.
So we need to find balance. Stand up strong for what is true and right. But then set it aside for a few hours to enjoy what you fight for.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. I appreciate that you take the time to read my stuff. I know how limited and precious time is. ♥️
The press secretary for the Biden administration has suggested that they will be coming to your house and mine to vaccinate. Or, in their words, educate you on the benefits of this safe and effective vaccine.
When have you every heard such a thing? How about Nazi German searching door to door for those who were not in compliance.
I heard a report that this so-called vaccine has a death rate 500x higher than that of the flu vaccine. That doesn’t even include the massive amount of injuries caused by this vaccine, of which the manufacturers are no longer liable. Truthfully, I’ve known people who got very sick from the flu vaccine but nothing more. I personally know of death, strokes, Covid-19, and Bell’s palsy from this shot. Me, in my little corner of the world, has seen enough.
No, thank you.
Not only that but we have absolutely no idea what long-term even looks like. No animal testing in this experiment. WE are the guinea pigs. WE are the experiment.
This isn’t about your health. This is about compliance with a government who is not looking out for your best interest. If they were, they would work harder at providing cleaner, healthier foods and water, and provide programs for exercise, teach gardening, and emphasizing all-around good health habits. But they don’t. They suggest a little jab’ll do ya. A jab of an experimental drug. Oh, and then a booster. Oh, and then another booster.
Again, no thank you.
Think about this long and hard. Don’t let anyone pressure you to do something you do not want to do. That is their hope. To pressure and scare you into taking this shot. Why? Keep asking yourself that.
I woke up early to a storm with this topic heavy on my heart. I had to write. Maybe I can go back to sleep now before my alarm goes off.
Often we try to sell ourself. We want a business to choose our product over another’s. We want that position at work. We want to fit in with that group of people. We desire for this person to like us. Maybe even love us.
We express all the ways that our service or our presence will benefit them. We encourage them to explore the possibilities, to open their mind. And sometimes, their heart. We paint a picture, and if that isn’t clear enough, we start over on another clean, white canvas.
We have a vision. A dream. We see beyond this moment. And to us, the future looks welcoming. If we are wise, we look for the best from all angles. When we see that the benefit outweighs the risk, we sell ourself.
Truth is though…it doesn’t always work out. And exhausting yourself doesn’t do you or them any good. Sometimes things just don’t click and it’s beyond our understanding. Things happen (or don’t happen) for a reason. It’s okay. Don’t feel ashamed for believing in yourself. Don’t be discouraged for doing your best. Someone somewhere needs you and/or your services. It just wasn’t meant to be. Continue to be a good person. Do everything with the best intentions. Be a good servant. Love with all your heart. Be thankful for the opportunity….even if it didn’t turn out as you wished. Tomorrow is another day.
After working in the pyro industry for several years, I realize it’s very difficult to watch someone else’s work. I cannot stop wondering how things are going on the ground as the setup is taking place and then especially during the firing of the display. I pay attention to timing and shell size. I watch their use of cakes (ground display). I worry about those who hand-light and hope there are no accidents or injuries. I wonder about this and that. Last night I left in the middle of the display. Hey, at least I beat the traffic.
I did enjoy seeing so much patriotism in the park. I saw many families dressed similar in their red, white, and blue tie-dyed shirts. I saw several moms and daughters wearing matching flag print sundresses. I watched in admiration as a young man ran through the park while carrying a huge American flag. I am just so grateful for this country. And I believe that together we can get America back on the right track.
This is my 300th blog. I began this journey in January 2020. I’ve had 5,622 views and 2,523 visitors. These numbers don’t include those who receive the post through email. I am also on a blog streak. This one is the 31st day in a row.
Thank you for being here and giving me these numbers. I know not every post will be to your liking, and that’s okay. Sometimes I write off the cuff or during an emotional high or low. That’s not always good probably. But hopefully you can relate to some of it enough to where you might be inspired or encouraged, and overlook the ones where I’m simply a hot mess. I really do appreciate you so much.
I think I will celebrate with a cup of coffee out on my deck this morning as I enjoy another day off.
Let’s be grateful for freedom. So many would love to have what we have. ♥️
Don’t let others erase our history. You must remember how we got here. Remember the men who fought dearly for us because they looked forward and into the future. They fought for not only their families but for yours and mine.
Our founding fathers believed in our country and these smart men drew up the documents we needed to remain strong and free. They had a vision. They saw the present and future needs of our great land. They knew what government should and shouldn’t do. And I believe God Almighty had His hand in it all.
We have the greatest land on all the earth. Celebrate it today. But then we must work even harder to restore this country. There are external and sadly, internal forces trying to destroy our country. And they don’t take holidays. They are on a mission. They are strong but we are stronger. As a group. As a whole. As a nation.
Some days are just more special than others. This day is set aside as the day we got outdoor plumbing.
There are three of us kids. We were born in the early sixties. Yeah, I’m old. And yes, I am the oldest.
I was born on an army base in Georgia. It was a birth that probably caused my mom to consider ever doing that again. I will write about it another time. It’s a story I think my kids would like to know. Of the three of us, I was always the scared one. Come to think about it, my birth was probably part of the reason why.
We lived in Georgia for my first seven months until we moved to my dad’s hometown north of Chicago. We stayed in a huge and very old house that my mom called the Old Viking Home. Her parents, my grandparents, were part of the caretakers of the property. So we stayed with them for a bit. I’m a little confused as to the actual purpose of the home but I believe at that time it gave shelter to homeless people. Men, I think. But I could be wrong on that. See this is one of the reasons I should have written down all of my mom’s stories. Hence, the reason I write for my kids.
We stayed at the Viking Home for a few months. We had moved to an apartment by the time my sister was born. She was born twelve days before I turned one. So every year we are the same age for twelve days until my birthday.
We were both quiet girls. I think of my sister as the shy one. She was also a climber. I’m sure when Mom plopped me down I pretty much stayed there. Not my sister though. She was a mover. I was the shaker…from being afraid of everything.
See! I’m afraid I’m going to fall off Pike’s Peak.
I cannot recall what floor we lived on but Mom would have to drag us down the stairs to the basement of the apartment building with all the laundry including the loads of cloth diapers too. Once down there, she’d plop me down and then have to retrieve my sister from the stairs that she was climbing.
All in all, I think our little family of four was a quiet family of four.
When Mom was with child again, my sister was only a few months old. They were practicing Catholics which meant they weren’t practicing anything…as far as birth control was concerned. I’m sure it was tough for my mom to be pregnant and still have to haul us girls and the laundry down to the basement everyday. Cloth diapers don’t wait, you know.
I don’t recall any stories during that next year except for when I was two years old and burned my leg. I will have share more of that little story another time.
We were born in the era of you don’t know the sex of your child until they are born. So it’s a fun guessing game for nine months. You are carrying high, or you carry low. You crave certain foods. You get heartburn. Who knows all the crazy old wives tales that were also added to this guessing game. And there were a lot of tales and superstitions during that time period. Especially coming from the older generation, my grandparent’s generation.
But little did we know how our lives would change with this next baby. Our quiet little foursome family would never ever be the same again. But it was good.
When mom went to the delivery room, on July 3rd, only fourteen months after my sister was born, she wasn’t playing the guessing game any longer. I’m sure at that point all she cared about was get this baby out.
So finally when the doctor held up her new baby, he happily announced, “Helen, this one has outdoor plumbing!”
And so our lives were forever changed. Mom had her little firecracker with outdoor plumbing.
My brother is amazing. Amazing that he’s never grown up! He’s a little boy in a man’s body. Still full of antics and much silliness. He lives in Neverland, North Carolina. You know, with Peter Pan. I wrote about him earlier this year when we were in Florida when my dad was sick. We kids shared a hotel room together. Ahhh…..the memories I will never forget…although I’ve tried. Just kidding. He has a serious side too but it only lasts about 30 seconds before he has to lighten the mood with a joke or some type of bodily noise.
We love him. He’s the gift that keeps on giving and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Today is his birthday. It’s a little sad as it’s his first without both of our patents as Dad passed on March 29. My sister and I already experienced this in May. And it is kind of tough. But it’s also a day of rejoicing! We have each other!
Happy Birthday, Dan. I love you so very much.
Enjoy this day. Enjoy your family and your children. Cherish the memories of time long gone. Hopefully, it was time well spent. ♥️
I am so very proud to be an American. I am not ashamed to place my hand on my heart and honor our flag and our country.
Oh, our face might look a little dirty right now, but more people are standing up to the evil that is trying to destroy this country. United we stand. One nation under God. I do believe the majority of people still deeply love this country and are grateful for all it has endured to be the greatest pinnacle of the world.
Make this Independence Day the best one ever. Not only is it fun day but it is a celebration of our freedom, our independence from Britain. And we became the greatest nation on the planet.
Be grateful for all who saw the potential in our country and fought for her with their lives. Love this country like they did. Be grateful for those who still continue to fight so hard. They put their lives on hold so you can have a decent one.
Today I needed to go to the post office to pick up mail for work. I ran out the door when my eye caught this little guy on the sidewalk. I watched him for a moment and then ran back in to my office to grab my phone so I could take a picture. But actually…I took about 20. 😬
We need to take the time to notice little things, especially those in nature. Perhaps this is one reason they are here…to slow us down a bit. That’s my thought anyway.
This snail was in no hurry. I was. But he slowed me down to his speed. As I watched him stretching his way across the sidewalk, I considered writing a children’s story about him. I think I will add him to my list. For fun, you can leave a name suggestion for this little guy in the comments.
He made my day better. No drugs needed. Find yourself a snail. I’m sure he will work his magic on you as well. ♥️
As of today, 2021 is officially half over. I can barely comprehend it. Does that make me a pessimist? You know…is your year half-full or half-empty?
Things have certainly changed greatly since January. A lot of life was crammed into these last six months. Much of which I wish I could change. But I can’t. Sometimes it feels like my heart is half-empty.
But tomorrow is July 1st. A new month with a great holiday weekend to get us started. And I’m very excited for that. I’m feeling quite patriotic this year too. If I decide to watch the fireworks this year it will be with the crowd instead of at ground zero. The first time since I don’t remember when. Last year I rented an AirB&B in the middle of nowhere to escape it all.
I hope your day was good. I’m a little melancholy, but that’s ok. I am at peace. And that’s a good thing. ♥️
I’m a little agitated right now as I watch men who can’t compete in men’s events are now starting to win all of the women’s. Even Miss Nevada is a man. Sorry. I don’t buy all this he identifies as a woman crap.
Men in wild women’s costumes, who wear more makeup than a circus clown, are now doing story time with our most innocent and impressionable children. These men try to convince our babies that this is normal and acceptable behavior.
A man was in an all woman’s spa or gym because he identifies as a woman. What woman walks around with her “junk” fully exposed in a gym? And his purpose for being there was…?? A sexually perverted fantasy? I heard children were present. Pedophilia! Call it what it is. This is not okay! What’s wrong with people?
Women fought for these rights. They fought for equality. But they kept fighting beyond what was important. I wasn’t on that bandwagon. I’m far removed from being a feminist. And they certainly do not speak for me. They became men-haters. I am not. Everything men did was wrong in their eyes. They carried on with an attitude of anything you can do I can do better. And for what purpose? We have nothing to prove. We can excel in other ways. Beautiful ways. Many women still fight for all that is contrary to having healthy homes for our children…and they are relentless. They carry their vulgar signs while dressed as genitalia, pridefully boasting their dominance and free-will spirit with total disregard for the children who see them. The Bible talks about women losing their natural affection for children. It couldn’t be more evident than it is today.
Women burnt their bras only for men to wear them now. You went too far ladies. Now men are erasing women. How is that going for you?
Women fought for rights but didn’t know when to stop. And yes, I blame a large part of this perversion on women libbers. You kinda asked for this. Now we all have to suffer.
Oh, I’m on a rant. This is weakening our nation. Look at history. Oh….I forgot. That’s being erased too. Sin will destroy us from the inside out. It is destroying us as the rest of the world watches…
Stand up for our country. Stand up for our homes and family. Stand up especially for our precious children. ♥️
…knowing you are doing the best you can even under the most difficult circumstances.
When you are trying your best to overcome setbacks, comprehend what doesn’t make sense, heal your heart, to move forward in optimism, to find closure, and to pull yourself up by your bootstraps but yet you still find yourself stumbling, crying, hurting…as long as you are giving it your all and doing it with a positive attitude, please find peace in that. We tend to be more critical of and the hardest on ourselves.
I know I’m doing my best. I am gradually learning my own limits. I realize many expectations that we place on ourselves are often unrealistic. We can only do so much. It is a day by day process. Love yourself and appreciate what you have accomplished. Remember that it took time to get to this place. It will take time to come out of it. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Maybe I am too hard on myself. I don’t know. But if you read my blog via email, please know that I always seem to find errors or I realize that something could be explained more clearly after I send it. I don’t care how many times I proofread, it never fails that I find issues after I publish. I do try correct those quickly. You can read a better post on my site. 😬
The second part of forgiving is forgetting. Or, is it?
God said when He forgives our sins He will forget them. He will no longer hold that particular sin against us.
Hebrews 8:12 “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”
Jeremiah 31:34 “For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”
When we forgive another sometimes we have a much harder time forgetting. And rightly so. We are not in the same position as God to forgive and forget. We have different reasons FOR our existence, therefore; different purposes FOR our forgiveness.
Each situation dictates what should be forgotten or not. If someone has asked you to forgive them for something they’ve said or done, forgive them, but you need to evaluate what forgetting would mean. If someone intentionally hurt your child and then asked for forgiveness, you must forgive them…but you don’t forget. You won’t leave your child with that person again. That doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven them. You just don’t make allowance for that situation to happen again. Not forgetting is smart sometimes.
Remember, we are not on the same level as God so we are not forgiving for the same purpose either. There’s a reason why God hasn’t given us the ability to forget. We must remember some things. But that doesn’t mean we don’t ever try to forget. Some things need to be.
Christianity shouldn’t be as difficult as we make it. Forcing someone to forgive when God hasn’t forgiven the situation is very wrong in my opinion. I think it’s actually detrimental to our spirit. We begin to have conflicting issues about our own spirituality when we cannot forgive when we are told that we must. It’s another distracting battle that Satan sets before us. If he can keep our minds busy with internal conflict that takes our time and energy, then we don’t have the time and energy to do the things we ought to be doing. If we are questioning our own Christianity sometimes we become weaker. Again, we need to be smart with forgiveness and forgetting.
This has been a hot topic for me for many years. At one point, I was so conflicted to why I couldn’t forgive that it eventually started breaking my spirit. It was heavy on my heart and on my mind 24/7. It interfered with my quality of life and I could barely function as a wife and mom. Finally, I realized that I had to let go instead of forgive. There is a difference. And in doing so I immediately found great peace. The heavy burden was lifted. And I’m still at peace today.
You need to evaluate every situation. Prayerfully, ask for guidance. Forgive when you should. Forget when it’s okay.
My coffee is brewing. My blog is written for the day. I have faith that God is still in control. I have peace in my heart. I love deeply and am loved. Today is a good day.
Probably one of THE hardest things for us to do is forgive. I think if we remember that the human in us is not perfect, we might find it easier to forgive. We all say and do things that we regret. We hurt others. We hurt ourselves. We sever relationships. But we can still ask for forgiveness or forgive others.
Granted, there are things that are beyond evil. In that respect, I think there is more of a need to let go instead of forgive. Let God handle the hardest people and situations. God forgives when we ask for forgiveness. Many times people in our life do not say they are sorry. It’s not our place to forgive those who do not want it or ask for it. God does not do that. He would not expect us to do something that He will not do. It’s about letting go instead and finding peace.
Don’t harbor the wrong of others. Let it go. Forgive when you can. I know this first hand as I have dealt with people with evil intent. People who have actually wanted to cause me physical harm. God won’t forgive them unless they go to Him with that request. He doesn’t expect me to do that either.
Forgiveness and letting go. Both are healing. If you need to ask for the forgiveness of someone in your life, please do so soon. There is healing in coming forward.
adjective: liberal in giving or sharing; unselfish
I liked the definition in the Collins English Dictionary best because it uses the word unselfish.
We can be generous with our money, our possessions, our time, and with our heart. When you give of the things you have, the things considered to be yours, that is generosity. If you give, and give from your heart, you are a generous person. You are probably one who played well with others in the sandbox. And when you give these things without needing a pat on the back, that is true generosity.
Last fall, I was given a good price for work I needed done around my home. When the man told me why he would do it for that price he explained that my son, Jet, had helped him and his family through a very difficult time several years ago. I mentioned it later to my son and he had to stop and think about it. Then he remembered. I think that’s quite honorable to not hold a good deed over somebody as a reminder of look what I did for you.
I have friends near Chicago who would welcome you into their home, feed you the best Italian food, and take care of you if you had that need. Denise and her husband have helped my children and me numerous times throughout the years. Never once have they asked for anything in return except for friendship. I never want to take advantage of their generosity. They just keep it turned on.
I know a man. A gentle giant of a man. He walks tall in the shadows. He watches from afar. He reads between the lines. And he listens to what people are not saying. He sees and feels the needs of others and he freely and quietly gives.
He gives without reservation. He doesn’t ask what’s in it for him. His home is a paradise, a place of refuge, a fountain of peace. A place of learning about, touching, and appreciating nature. Basically, what’s his is yours because he believes that we are all just stewards of God’s blessings; the land and fields, the woods, animals, lakes, and streams. And it is our duty and privilege to care for such beautiful gifts.
To his family, his many friends, his neighbors, his community, and to me, he is larger than life. In reality, he is a humble man who doesn’t desire to stand out or be recognized. He prefers to remain behind the scenes. It’s where he works best. It’s where he finds his own peace. I respect that and will leave him nameless here. But blessings await him because he isn’t nameless to our Father.
In my lifetime, I have come across many generous people. People who give from the heart, like those mentioned here. I am blessed.
Generosity. Open your home, your pocketbook, and your heart when you see the need. There are blessings in it for you as well.
This is unlike what I’ve written before. It’s a little on the darker side. I wondered if I should share it or not. But, hey…I’m on a posting streak, I can’t break it and I’ve got nothing else to share tonight. Today is the 20th consecutive day to post. You can love this post or hate it. It’s okay either way. I might not write like this again. It came easy but was slightly uncomfortable.
SEESAW
I am way up on the high end of the teeter totter. Just sitting here enjoying the view. I see the Full Strawberry Moon in a blueish purplely sky with stringy pink cloud accents. A beautiful sight.
I love it up here. I feel the breeze blowing through my hair. I embrace the calmness. The peace. The hope. I feel the warmth of heavenly dreams inside me.
But…
I glance down for a moment. I realize maybe I shouldn’t have but it’s too late. I can barely see who is below me. There’s an eerie blackness covering this person, like a heavy dark shadow, and I cannot make out who it is. Whoever it is, sits quietly, motionless. Are they even breathing?
I want to turn my eyes away as I feel afraid, but I cannot. I’m so very high above the ground. I am trusting this person whom I cannot see. And I wonder why I cannot recall how I got up here.
I feel a coolness rush over me and I am chilled. The sun is setting quickly and taking it’s warmth with it.
The seesaw moves slightly.
Who are you? I ask. No reply.
I repeat myself. They say nothing. I think I want get down now.
I ask to be let down. I want to go home. Nothing.
Then the seesaw falls rapidly down midway, and with a quick jolt, I am back at the top. I can barely catch my breath. What is happening?
This happens again. And then a third time. I fall swiftly and then snap back to the top.
I want to go home!
After what felt like hours, I fall again to midpoint and come to an abrupt stop. Who are you?! Answer me, please!
The board is still. I’m chilled to the bone but it’s not because the sun is mostly gone now. We are sitting at the same level. In the dusk, I begin to see the outline of this person.
This cannot be real. How could it be?!
In a flash, I am shot back up to the top.
Why are you doing this? Just let me down and we can go home!
I beg and I plead…
Then I hear the familiar voice rising up from below. It’s mine. It’s me.
I’m sorry.
And I jump off.
Thanks for reading. Have a good day tomorrow. It’s Friday! ♥️
God provided us with perfection. The air that we breathe to the water we drink. The grasses that cover the earth and the animals that roam it. He gave us a body that wants to live and he provided a intricate systems to allow that to happen. He gave us an amazing immune system as well.
I’m not quite sure why we feel the need to change what He has provided. We extend life too but what is quality compared to quantity?
We cause our own demise in the name of advancement using science as the tool. We’ve polluted our air and water. Trashed our seas and torn down forests. We have destroyed ecosystems. We created disease and then the antidote. But this is in vain.
My backyard is farmland. This year it is corn. Every year the farmer alternatives between corn and soybeans. Corn in this field grows many times faster than corn in surrounding fields. It makes me wonder…
June 3rd
The first picture was taken June 3rd. Only twenty days ago. The second picture was taken today, June 23rd. My daughter is 5’10”. This makes me sad. It’s unnatural.
June 23rd
With progress comes a price. We pay by our health. We pay by depleting our soil to where it is no longer fertile. We pay by sacrificing our water supply to poison.
We need to do our part to protect our corner of the world. One yard at a time. One acre at a time. This world is on loan to us. We enjoy it for a season. We share it. When my kids were growing up and started borrowing things from other people, I told them to always return it in the same or better condition. That’s how our mindset should be concerning our precious planet.
I wear a beaded bracelet much of the time. The beads are made from the water bottles found in the ocean. I love this bracelet but it shouldn’t even be in existence. I bought it because a portion of the proceeds goes to further clean the ocean and this one in particular also helps protect leatherback sea turtles.
We are having to go backwards now to do much damage control.
Unnatural.
So tonight I had to say something. I was sitting on my deck and overlooking the field. My only thought was it is unnatural.
Hope you don’t mind my venting. Still…it is a gorgeous evening. A perfect night. I can’t be all doom and gloom. Not tonight.
When my kids were young, I frequently made them eggs…which I now know they hated. If by chance I overcooked the eggs, the kids said they squeaked when they ate them. Mine did some squeaking this morning.
My mind is in thirty directions. Not only is my head not in the game, I’m trying to get ready for work. A double whammy. Hence, squeaky eggs.
It’s a beautiful morning and I wish I could enjoy it just for a second. This overthinking head of mine is just not cooperating.
I hope you are enjoying the start of your day, and that it is squeaky-eggless.
Be safe and be well. ♥️
Andi
They actually tasted pretty good.They justlook horrible and have the tiniest squeak.
Love is beautiful when we put the other person before our own self. Life isn’t going to be perfect but we can try to make it as perfect as humanly possible. It can be accomplished by treating our loved one with dignity, respect, and understanding.
Denae & Mando
Men and women view life and love differently. That can complicate things unless you take the time to understand each other. I encourage you to put in the effort. Allow God to be a part of your relationship. It will be so worth it.
Steven & Lauren
If You Love Her…is a song about the girls in my life. My daughters, my girlfriends…and the men who cherish them. These are relationships to be admired. They aren’t perfect but they are working together towards perfection.
I am grateful for the boys I raised who treat their wives with attentiveness and affection. They are thoughtful in their desire to be one step ahead of her. And that makes my heart glad. The same goes for Mando, my son-in-law, whom I did not raise, but who loves my daughter endlessly. I am grateful for his desire to be ever present in her life.
If You Love Her is also a song about me. I am the girl in this song…it is but a dream. Please don’t wake me up.
If You Love Her By Forest Blakk
[Intro] Take it If she gives you her heart don’t you break it Let your arms be a place she feels safe in She’s the best thing that you’ll ever have
[Verse 1] She always has trouble falling asleep And she likes to cuddle while under the sheets She loves pop songs And dancing, and bad trash TV There’s still a few other things She loves love notes and babies And likes giving gifts Has a hard time accepting agood compliment She loves hеr whole family And all of her friends So if you’rе the one she lets in
Zeke & Chloe
[Chorus] Take it If she gives you her heart, don’t you break it Let your arms be a place she feels safe in She’s the best thing that you’ll ever have She’ll love you, if you love her On days when It feels like the whole world might cave in Stand side by side and you’ll make it She’s the best thing that you’ll ever have She’ll love you, if you love her like that
Jet & Dani
[Verse 2] Kiss her with passion as much as you can Run your hands through her hair whenever she’s sad And when she doesn’t notice how pretty she is Tell her over and over So she never forgets
[Chorus]
[Bridge] She’ll love you If you love her like that She’ll love you If you love her
Karen & Greg
[Outro] On days when It feels like the whole world might cave in Stand side by side and you’ll make it She’s the best thing that you’ll ever have She’ll love you, if you love her like that
Denae & Mando
What a romantic evening tonight. Enjoy it with the one you love. ♥️
Andi
I do not have pictures of all the beautiful couples in my life so I apologize if you were not pictured here in this post.
If my fourth child was to be a boy, I wanted his name to be Ezekiel. I like different names. Good names with strong meanings. Ezekiel means strength of God. We would call him Zeke. His dad didn’t care for the full name, but liked Zeke. And well, Zeke entered the world, at home during an ice storm.
a cutie from day one
This boy taught me a lot about parenting. Like…throw out everything I knew with the first three kids and start over. He was all boy. Full of curiosity, questions, and noises. He was fast too. He could chase down a beetle and put it in his pocket before you could scream “No!” (His pocket being his diaper.) That young boy presented more challenges than all my kids combined. His sense of curiosity almost caused us trips to the ER. Of, course, he’s in a pretty good running with my oldest son, Nathan, when it comes to curiosity. And probably trouble too now that I think about it. Another blog.
Zeke was a noisy lad. He’d march through the house as different characters. Bowser, an ATST, a T-Rex. Up and down the hall, endlessly, and never wavering in character. Sometimes it was quite distracting during school time with the older children.
But we sure loved that little boy.
Life was eventful with Zeke. He did things the other kids wouldn’t even consider. Two different occasions he tried to eat glass Christmas ornaments from the tree. One red and one green. He smiled at us while blood oozed from between his teeth and chards of glass.
And then there were the micro-machines and LEGO’s that fit nice and snug in…places.
But he sure brightened our days. We didn’t realize how dull and boring our lives were until the day that boy started walking.
As time went on his older brothers took him under their wings and helped him discover their worlds of animals and science. That’s when he wanted to be a marine biologist to study sharks.
Zeke and his older brothers, Jet and Nathan
He was only 17 months younger than his sister and everyone thought they were twins. He had this fascination with her curly hair and would fall asleep next to her, sucking his thumb and with his free hand create this incredible tiny knots in her hair. Sometimes they broke off and we’d find them in the bedding. Most of the time they had to be cut out. I have a ziploc bag with several cuttings.
His second oldest brother, Jet, was interested in not only birds and reptiles, he had a love for photography and videography. For a college class, Jet needed to make movies so he made a series of short films based on Zeke as the main character, Melvin. These movies are so much fun to watch even today.
during the “Melvin” years
Zeke grew up tall and handsome. He became very skilled in martial arts. He also excelled in voice impersonations. At one time he could accurately voice over 200 characters. He has probably surpassed that number as of today. I think my favorite is the Joker.
the Joker
One day I was driving our van and Zeke was sitting behind me when the Joker started talking to me. I almost pulled over and got out. He still does both, his voices and martial arts, as they are his dreams for his future.
Zeke kept us on our toes and that is okay. He made us laugh and still does today. He’s charming and oh, so funny.
My parenting days are sadly over with Zeke. He was chomping at the bit to get his life started, as many young people are; not realizing that it’s quite different outthere. Siblings sometimes fall a part from each other too as they start spreading their own wings. They kinda force each other into independence where they once were dependent upon each other.
Zeke fell in love and got married and then moved away. Far away. He is now a parent himself. His oldest is a beautiful little girl and then two years ago, he was blessed with a boy, like I was.
Zeke has met challenges and trials while learning life lessons along the way. It’s not easy raising a young family in this crazy world. After he read my blog, The Park of Memories, he stated that he missed the old days. I get that. I miss them too. We didn’t realize the bliss of having others make our decisions. The responsibility of our survival depended on someone else. The days of my children being altogether under one roof went so fast. We thought those days would last forever. That’s why kids are anxious to get out and get started on their own. They feel like time is standing still.
My response to his comment was: It’s weird how we can’t wait to get out of places only to want to get back in them.
Those thoughts probably happen fairly often throughout our adulthood. I’m not good with change. Maybe that was passed to my kids through my DNA.
It’s a blessing though that the past doesn’t just disappear. When you can relive the moments with each other it makes it all good. Well, better anyway. It does emphasize the need to enjoy every moment. Time is fleeting. Soon Zeke will experience his children wanting to spread their wings to fly out on their own. And let me tell you, it’s hard.
Enjoy your young family. Enjoy wherever you are in life. Enjoy every single moment. ♥️
Today is the day set apart to honor our fathers and father figures. It’s a day to celebrate the importance of a dad in the lives of their children. I wrote a post awhile back about the difference it makes in a child’s life to have a father present. A good father.
Currently, many on the Left are trying to remove the gender titles of father, mother, grandmother, etc. Don’t let anyone downplay the importance of these roles. Removing gender roles creates chaos and confusion. It destroys the home and messes up the emotional well-being in children and also creates an insecurity of living in an unstable environment. You cannot improve on God’s design. You cannot out think Him or outsmart him.
God said He made them male and female.
Mark 10 6 from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 therefore; man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.
God has the most perfect design. The foundation of this physical world begins with man and woman. Praise God for His design. Praise God today for strong, godly men who own up to their title of father. They deserve our greatest respect. It’s by far, the toughest, but most rewarding, job they will ever have.
My father was not a godly man. I loved him, but we differed greatly on life views. Nonetheless, he was my father. And today I would have wished him a Happy Father’s Day and told him I loved him.
I hope you send love to your father. And if you are a father, be strong. Be committed. Be courageous. Be fair and most of all, be loving.
I have many men in my life that I’d like to honor as being a good father. Below are just a few. (I don’t have pics for all I’d like to acknowledge.)
My love to you all. ♥️
Happy Father’s Day!!
Andi
my brother, Danmy son-in-law, Mandomy youngest son, Zekemy friend, MHmy friend, KAmy adopted brother/ friend, BBmy friend/ author, PBmy boys’ dad, PKmy dadmy dad and brother 😄I miss you, Dad ♥️
People come and go throughout our lifetime. Some are but acquaintances and stay for but a minute. While others remain for much longer periods of time.
I believe many people are strategically placed in our life for certain purposes. While all purposes vary, I believe that there are lessons presented in each. Some teach us self-control. Others give encouragement. Some teach us patience. Some fill our lives with fun and excitement. And then the greatest of all (which is really an assortment of those listed above) is love.
All of these people with their purposes, should be viewed as gifts. Gifts from God, because they are. People are. Even the difficult ones. They each teach us something of value; something we can take out into the world to help another who is struggling.
People are gifts even if they leave and take a piece of your heart with them. I have those who taught me much about life and living who have passed away. My divorced years have been filled with such heartache. Within one year, I lost the two closest people to me, my Mom, and my best friend, Chelle. Then I lost my beloved shepherd, Herc, last fall, and as you know, my dad passed away a couple of months ago. They each taught me a great many things. Yes, even Hercules. Hopefully, I gave enough of myself to them as well, and filled their lives with good things. They didn’t mean to leave me. They were called away.
Then there is a hurt that is difficult to comprehend. It’s the heartache of people leaving because they choose to leave. When we don’t understand the how or the why, our mind drowns in thoughts of I’m not enough, or I’m not good enough, or I have failed. It is impossible to find full and complete closure. There remains an open wound which will eventually become a scar upon your heart.
I’ve experienced all of these. In fact, my heart hurts now. A new circle of friends have been keeping me busy and they lift me up on my blue days – without even knowing what colored me blue. But even so, I long for what is lost, and I hope it will eventually return.
God is good. He knows exactly who we need and when. He provides in His perfect timing.
The storms have subsided here. The sun is brightly shining and is warming the earth again. A beautiful day to be alive.
View each other as gifts from God. Maybe with that mindset we can create a better world in which to live. ♥️
Andi
Photos: courtesy of my daughter, Charlie. Storm clouds moving in last night.
I’ve noticed that when I receive my newly posted blog via email, links to websites are not included. If you go on-site to read the blog it might be visible. I see it is visible this time on the last blog I posted. I did post the link in a comment as well.
You may recall that on Fridays I work in another town. Today I went to the park for my lunch hour. Memories flooded my mind as I am familiar with this park for several reasons.
My kids traveled for baseball and we played ball here frequently. My oldest daughter, Denae, the rebel that she is, was the only girl on her ball team. That’s my first thought when I think of baseball here.
Another memory is when my youngest was very little, and my oldest boys were busy doing their own things, I brought the three middle kids, Zeke, Denae, and Charlie, to this park for Halloween. We were going to go to a haunted house.
We walked through the park and got to the entrance of the house where we were told that the actors/ characters were on a short break and that they’d be back soon. We thought we’d come back later so we started walking away. As we were a little ways from the haunted house we noticed all the actors in a large group walking through the park. And they noticed us….
As we were watching from a distance and walking away from them, they turned as a group and started walking toward us. We watched them. They watched us. We started to walk at a quicker pace. They walked faster. I told the kids to getgoing! These horrid creatures were not turning around, and they were quickly closing in on us.
Just a note: I do not like to be scared. I’m scared of being scared. I hate being scared. Just ask my daughter-in-law, Dani, about the time I slammed the door in her face. Well, that’s another story for another time.
So I was scared. No, I was terrified as they were relentless in coming after us. I told my kids to run. We ran. And Satan’s spawns ran after us. So I did what any scared momma would do…I pushed off on my kids’ bodies to get ahead of them. Yes. Yes, I did. I sacrificed my own children so I could get away. I actually put my hand on the kid on each side of me pushed myself forward and them back. Did I tell you I was terrified? Yeah. I was.
We continued to run and we ran hard. And it seemed as though we ran for a long time. Finally…I came to my senses and stopped in my tracks and turned around. The tribe of terror ran right up to me, face to face, and I yelled, “STOP!” No one said a word. “ENOUGH!” They remained silent. Finally, I think I started to laugh…just a little. The group finally turned around and started back for the haunted house. We went back to the van. We didn’t go to the haunted house. Momma had had enough. Anyways, why pay to go through the house of horrors when we got our own private scare fest for free? (I was also afraid they might torture us more than others if they recognized us.)
My kids were probably more traumatized by the fact that Mom was willing to leave them behind to fend for themselves then they were of being chased by Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers, Jason, Leatherface….
Is it too late to apologize? 😬 We certainly laugh about this still. A great memory.
And finally, another memory of this town is that of our family business. We owned a pyrotechnic company and we worked hard to give the best fireworks displays for the 4th of July and other events. It was challenging yet rewarding. It was hot, dirty work, but we made a great many good memories and some, well…not so good. But it was a unique experience that most people will never have. I might write more about this another time. If you’d like to view my most favorite show of all you can visit YouTube and type in “NHRA Nationals Fireworks 2006” if the link doesn’t work.
Someone in the stands took a decent video of the display. We worked hard all day along the drag strip, while they raced. We had to move away from the wall only when the funny cars raced.
Today was a peaceful day at the park. I could have stayed there all afternoon but I had to go back to work. I took pictures of my view to share with you. I chose a pretty area to sit. I will probably find my way back there again during my lunch breaks.
It is bittersweet as I reminisce of days long ago. My kids were my life. And the life changes that have taken place since…well, let’s just say I’m just not so good with change. Writing though will keep these treasured memories alive.
Today we had an earthquake. 3.8 to be exact. Earthquakes are not felt here very often although minute seismic tremors happen more frequent than we realize.
You wouldn’t think that here in the Midwest you’d have to worry about earthquakes, but the “big” one could be just around the corner. I am not too far from the New Madrid fault line which actually has the potential of catastrophic earthquakes. Today, I watched my computer monitors shake and I felt the earth move up through my chair. I yelled to my coworkers, “Hey, that was a big one!” – thinking it was coming from the quarry. It wasn’t until my friends began receiving text messages (did you feel that?) did we realize it was a quake.
So the earth moved. It moves every day…somewhere. Today it was here. When nature is powerful enough to move the plates of the earth, we should be humbled. We are not in control of everything.
It gives one something to think about. It’s certainly a reality check of how small we are in the scheme of things, and just how much greater God is. Who do we run in times of trouble and fear?
Just something more to ponder on this beautiful day.
How many times a day do you use the word love? While it does have many meanings such as, liked a lot, to me it is so overused that it’s barely recognizable when true love appears. Some question it, which is good. Discovering love to be true is the fun, exciting part of a relationship. Others have a different “true love” every weekend. Is that possible? I don’t think so. So, what is true love?
I don’t have a PH.D and I don’t have a couch for you to lie on (well, I do have a couch but you can’t lie on it 😬), so what I share is my opinion. I draw my own conclusions on the life I have lived. I have loved, and I have been in love. There is a difference in those too. Another day…
True love comes from the deepest part of you.
It’s the giving of yourself unselfishly.
It’s looking past the material aspect of each other and no matter what their financial state, their social status, their quality of education, etc., you both start on a clean slate. The same clean slate.
It’s the fitting together like puzzle pieces. You complete each other. You compliment one another too. Where one is weak, the other is strong.
It’s knowing there is great value in being together. It’s also knowing the worth of each other as individuals too.
True love is the most intimate connection of hearts.
It’s the I would give my life for yours.
Trust, belief, and confidence in each other is the frosting on this cupcake.
I’ve been there. And that’s where I want to be again. Right in the midst of it. True love.
How many chances do you get in a lifetime? I don’t know. I hope I haven’t spent all my tokens or shot all my arrows. But I also believe that true love knows where to find the perfect heart. It’s match made in Heaven.
It could be that’s it’s been right in front of you but you didn’t recognize it because you weren’t looking. But what if…it found you? Open your heart to see.
Last night I was having a discussion with a fellow blogger who was feeling discouraged. While trying to encourage my friend, I tried to explain to him one of the most important and meaningful reasons of why I write. I write for my kids.
I write from my heart. Often, it’s my heart at the moment. But with every post, I think my kids might understand me just a little bit better. When I am gone, my words, thoughts, and feelings will live on. Maybe they will be able to get advice from me when I am no longer able to give it. It is my wish that my grandkids can know Grandma better too. These are things I wish I had with my parents and grandparents…a more intimate knowledge of them.
So when I write, not only do I write for those of you who might be encouraged by my words, but I do it for my kids. I don’t have much money to leave them or any of those finer things in life. But what I do have is the gift of me…through my own words. Maybe that’s better than any material possessions I have anyway. Including my skunk collection. 🦨🦨🦨
I ran across this poem tonight which I wrote many years ago. I thought I’d share it with you even though I may have already. Emotions are a gift from God. They should be pure and not riddled with drama. Emotions are a special means of relating to others.
Emotions Is there shame in expressing sadness, heartache, or pain, To look through the sun and only see rain, Is it absurd of me to feel such emotions, Must I drink from the well of those “feel good” potions?
My feelings are genuine and very real to me, Please don’t condemn because you can’t see, That the positive and negative, together compose, The very essence of people, with their highs and their lows.
Perpetual happiness is wrong to expect, When a heart is so broken; emotions reflect, As God in the beginning blessed all of mankind, With many emotions, at His will He designed.
So cherish and marvel at this wonderful gift, Knowing life isn’t always joyful and bliss, While lifting a sad soul to a happier place, Know that variety of emotion is worth the embrace.
I really don’t have much to say today except that I wish people would do some research. Last night about did me in.
I was in a building with about 120 people. The heat index for the day was 97. With 120 people in one place you know that body heat will override the AC. And it did. I had sweat running down my face and the middle of my back.
A little boy about 4 years old approached me. He had something he wanted to tell me. I couldn’t understand him even when I got down to his level. You see, this little man was wearing a mask. It was made of a thick, red fabric. I looked up at his grandma. I was already fuming inside. Out of 120 sweating people, this boy was the ONLY one wearing a mask. I got even angrier when I asked her what he said. She responded, “I don’t know.”
And then she continued…”He can’t be vaccinated yet so he has to wear the mask.”
Are you freaking kidding me?! This is child abuse. You will never convince me otherwise. I wanted to rip that thing off his face, hug him, and love him up, and take him outside away from those people. My heart aches because of the emotional damage we are causing our little ones. Not only is wearing a mask a major health risk for children, wearing it on an extremely hot day is asinine.
I looked for the rest of his family. He had parents, an older sister and an older brother. All maskless. Yet this little boy is singled out and separated…marked like a lepper, if you will. I can’t get him and his sad eyes out of my mind. It reminded me of the WWII era….
When all this comes to light (which it actually has), many people will regret that they took everything they heard on CNN as gospel. We are hurting our children and I’m just sick about it. I’m over this planned pandemic. A virus used to push the shot, which is the sole purpose.
I’m exhausted. Pain fills the deepest recesses of my heart. I love people and what is happening today is beyond comprehension. Unfathomable.
I’ve done a tremendous amount of thinking today. Enough has been said. I have to be done for the night.
Sorry, not sorry, for my rant. Children are near and dear to my heart. ♥️
I spend much time in thought. I don’t even have to go to a happy place or my thinking spot to think. I just do. I believe that’s why I’m forgetful at times. It’s not that I have a problem with memory. I just have so much going on, you know…up there.
There are some things I want to change about myself, and hopefully, I will. They would make me a better person. But really I don’t mind thinking. I would not change that. There are situations where I should spend less time in thought, I agree, but it’ll balance it out one day with a little tweaking here and there. This is who I am. And for me, thinking turns into writing. And writing is where I find great peace.
I’m not quite where I want to be in life. I’m still trying to come to terms with that reality. But I realize it’s okay. Uncomfortable, but okay. I’ve just begun a new decade as I recently turned 60. It’s a perfect time to live and a most perfect time to love because this is the age of maturity. So I will embrace this new stage in my life…even though it’s a little intimidating.
Now is the time to tie together all the years of life lessons, friendships, love, child rearing, the expectations, the highs and the lows…and make this next decade the best yet. The 60’s should be the sum of all I’ve learned so far. Hopefully, I’m done making mistakes. The really big ones, anyway. And while I’ll never be done learning, I am beginning to feel the freedom that comes with age.
Now is not the time to quit, throw in the towel, to walk (or run) away. Now is the time to be the teacher instead of the student. Maybe I can use my abilities to help the younger generation understand their roles better, how to focus on the most important matters and let the rest go, because most things just don’t matter, and how to value life at any age.
Now is the time to enjoy life to the fullest. And I will.
I’m really excited at what adventure awaits. And I will share my journey with you, my friends.
On Fridays I work in another city. Tonight, I needed to stop at the home office on my way home. Angie was working the front desk. I have to share a humorous story about my funny friend.
I am getting ready to leave the office when Angie quietly asks me, “Do you have a lot of cicadas at your house?” I’m like yes. I told her I have to pull them off me as I mow. And if they get caught in my hair or clothing they get really mad and they scream at me in cicada. Angie doesn’t live far from me at all but she said she has seen only a couple of them. She’s been on vacation too so she had no idea what to expect when she pulled into the parking lot at work and got out of her car.
Angie did the Cicada Dance…
…the extended version.
Traumatized, she refused to leave the building at lunchtime and she ordered in Jimmy John’s. She also made arrangements for someone else to take care of the dogs at home since she wasn’t going to make it. She makes me laugh.
I haven’t heard as of yet but I hope she made it to her car after work. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do it. I probably should have stayed longer and walked her to her car. Did I tell you she makes me laugh?
I remember back in 1978 we had this purple martin bird house in our back yard. It was super tall and situated between the house and the clothesline. Those birds could be mean. And they were…to my mom. It got so Mom would walk across the yard to the clothesline or outbuildings wearing a laundry basket over her head. Mom made me laugh too.
Dear, sweet Angie…I hope you don’t have nightmares tonight and I hope you don’t mind me sharing your story. You make me laugh. ♥️
Andi
As soon as I sat out here on my deck, one flew into my hair and he yells at me like I purposely threw myself in front of him. Counting down the days…
After my last blog, I was discussing in the comments about the cicada dance that I may or may not have performed in the parking lot at work. While it might seem strange to others who do not live in Cicadaville, that cicadas will actually land on you, the truth is they will…and they do. I think the trees are so full they have no choice now but to land on people.
I also believe they are not in their right mind as they are quite twitterpated from being in the ground for seventeen very long years. They are flying around aimlessly looking for true love. Or, maybe it’s lust. I don’t know as I’m not a cicada. But every once in awhile I will hear a ping as they fly into guttering and windows. Well, everything.
I think my most favorite dance routine ever is the nature dance performed by Betty White and Sandra Bullock in The Proposal. I laugh until I cry every time I watch it. The only problem I have with it is that it wasn’t a longer scene.
The cicada dance is nothing like that nature dance. And it’s never rehearsed. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before and it varies from person to person. It’s quite versatile too as it can be done in your driveway while getting your mail. It can be done in parking lots, on picnics, during photo shoots, and even while seated on your mower. Some have even performed the cicada dance in their car…which I highly recommend you avoid. Just ask the driver who abruptly stopped their cicada dance for a pole dance. A telephone pole, that is.
I hear we have several weeks yet of cicada dancing. Then they head back to the ground for another 17 years. This could possibly be my last cicada dance so I will try not to be so annoyed at them. They are just trying to get their last little yaaaaawhooooo in before their time is up. Can you blame them? Until then, I will try my hardest not to pull something, tear something, lose something, or fall down while doing the Cicada Dance of 2021. ♥️
Andi
Photos: my cicadas; a clip from The Proposal courtesy of the internet
I don’t have the answers to the questions that still linger from yesterday. But these things I do know: 1) I deserve some answers as I am part of the equation. But I cannot control the decisions or actions of others. 2) Many answers I will discover along life’s way and over time. 3) Others simply belong to God and I will respect His silence.
Life is rarely fair. At least, not according to our standards. I feel the pain in that. But life continues, whether fair or not. And I refuse to wave the white flag.
I also know that nature is a good and loyal friend. It always has something beautiful to share. Blinders of despair keep you from seeing the gifts God graciously provides. I took them off today. I wasn’t disappointed.
Having a rough day? Spend a moment outdoors to discover something beautiful. Once you pull the cicadas off of your face and out of your hair, look for that special something to brighten your day. I’m betting you won’t have to look very far to find it.
(That may or may not have happened to me.😬)
Have a blessed evening and a peaceful rest tonight. ♥️
This night is quickly coming to a close. Another day ends with unanswered questions and a subtle sadness within my heart. Not that I am bitter or depressed. No, not really. It’s just that my rhymes need reasons.
I stopped at my thinking spot to see this awesome sunset. I noticed it on my way home tonight. In silence, I sat alone in my car…wishing I wasn’t alone. The sunset was beautiful in its own way. Just as they all are. And then it started to rain…again.
I pray that God will fill in the blanks for me because there are many vacancies in my mind (and in my heart) and this crazy Gemini mind of mine tries to fill them in.
I am very trusting of others. I try to be upfront, honest, and trustworthy in return. I guess it’s not always enough. Or, maybe I’m just too much. I don’t know. I cannot seem to find balance. Hence….I sit alone watching another sunset. It’s hard not to believe there is something wrong with me. Unanswered questions.
Life is just so complicated.
I hope you sleep well tonight wrapped up tight in a blanket of peace. Leave your unanswered questions outside the door. That’s what I hope to do.
When I initially wrote my blog Disrespect, it was entitled Respect. But the tone of the blog was that of disrespect. Love is part two of that particular blog because love is the solution.
There are many definitions of love. Or maybe love would be best described as multiple tiers, or levels. The ultimate tier would be our love for God. Or, more appropriately, God’s love for us. Then our love for Him. The next tier down would be the love between mom and dad and family members. Church family. Friends. Coworkers, etc. Until it trickles down to the lowest levels oflove…I love 3 Musketeers bars, sunsets, puppy breath, fainting goats, and the color blue.
Where does respect come into play? I believe the two are pretty much interwoven. The Bible has much to say about love and respect. Much if it centers around the marriage relationship, but there is an overtone throughout the Bible of respecting God and each other.
We are created by God. He is not a respecter of persons. I am not greater than you nor are you greater than the homeless man on the street corner. Because God created us, we respect Him. We honor Him. We are grateful for Him and all that He blesses us with. We should be anyway. You may have never done a single thing for me. There’s no need for that. There isn’t a prerequisite for respect other than we were created by God, equally. That knowledge alone ties us together. God says to love our neighbor as what? As ourselves. We feed and clothe our person. We make sure we are well taken care of because we respect who we are. Or, we should anyway. We should treat our neighbor the way we want to be treated. How hard is that, really? Apparently, it is terribly hard as we watch teachers abusing students, children killing children, young adults beating up the elderly, the disabled, and veterans, and targets placed upon the backs of our law enforcement.
If you recall, I’ve remarked how the family is the foundation of society. I believe this. Love started with God. The love between a mother and father should flow through their children and on out into the world. Love is a connection. Our connection. And because we love, we respect.
It sounds so easy! And in realty, it is. If we just didn’t think of ourselves more highly than that of our neighbor. We are a most selfish generation. And it began with the disintegration of the family structure and the value of that structure upon society.
Love. There’s a saying that says, the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. There is so much truth to that. That is where it starts. And it can be reversed as well. The best thing a mom can do for her children is to love and respect their father. Kids need to see that. Honor each other. Build that foundation up strong and firm.
Love. Have we diminished the meaning of love by throwing it out there haphazardly and not truly understanding the depth of it? Love is deep. It is meaningful and it is forever.
Love and respect walk hand in hand. There’s just no getting around it. To say you love yet you have no respect for another being, especially for a stranger, well…you lack much understanding. In our current world crisis, wow…it’s really hard to watch footage of the heinous acts that one human can do to another, and say I love and respect you. But it has to start somewhere. It starts with us. We each have a role in this. Love your wife. Love your husband. Let the world see the strength in that.
I’m not sure if this makes sense. I’m not even sure if this is the correct approach to the relationship of respect and love but it is my approach.
I want a better tomorrow for my kids and grandkids. We can do this one day at a time. ♥️
Andi
Photos: my photos of flowers in Jamaica, August 2016
You know, sometimes in life we don’t always make the right choices. We somehow make a wrong turn. Sometimes it’s an intentional move on our part because we don’t like the right choice. We want something right now (self-gratification) and we do not exercise patience. Sometimes the right decision is altered because of something beyond our control, or perhaps hindered by a misconception of sorts.
When I write, sometimes I spend a great deal of time on one concept. Everything has to be just perfect. Everything must make complete sense. Other times the words just flow out of me quickly and with the force of Niagara Falls, and I push post with barely a second thought. And sometimes that gets me in trouble. That’s happened a couple of times in my short blogging history.
Life is complicated. And we humans make it so much more complicated than it needs to be, or should be. I have certainly been guilty of this on occasion. Owning our wrongs is hard to do but it is the right thing to do. So in my writing, if I ever post something that offends or hurts, know these two things: First off, I don’t intentionally set out to hurt anyone. Secondly, I will own it. And if possible, I will make it right.
We often cannot take things back. Wrong words leave scars. They are the most painful of all wounds. But it is frequently said that actions speak louder than words. You cannot see my actions here and I cannot see yours. But going out into the world with a more humbled spirit is still action. A reflection of a changed heart. And God notices.
Life. If everything was perfect here on earth no one would desire Heaven. But that’s not how God designed our world. He created humans. Humans with flaws. Flawed humans who make decisions. Therefore: we live an imperfect world of flawed people looking upward to a perfect Heaven.
Our roadmap is marked with all sorts of stops along the way. We’ve seen beautiful places, met beautiful people, and hopefully, left as a happier, better person. Some stops present us with trials, temptations, and much needed character building. Forgiveness and humility might be the fuel needed to get us going once again down the road of life.
But overall, life is actually pretty good. And everyday is a blessing. Life is complex for sure, but through its complexity we learn what things are truly the most important and meaningful. And actually, these things are found in people.
I’m in a great deal of pain as I still cannot turn my head to the right. Pain is deeply imbedded in my shoulder, clavicle, and neck. C7, to be exact. My youngest told me several times today that I am not thinking clearly. It’s a wonderment of how the power of pain can override the mind. So I hope that this message makes sense. I just needed to write tonight.
Have a blessed week. Know how much I appreciate you, my readers, friends, and family. Life is better because of the people in it. ♥️
I just love road maps. I guess I’m still old school. I have a nice US roadmap in my car. It’s always there. You know…just in case.
Life is a journey and we each travel all on our own. You cannot print your map according to someone else’s. Your hope though is to find people whose map is similar to yours. At least maybe pointed in the same direction so you can travel somewhat together.
I am blessed with a few people whose journeys follow closely with mine. They make life good. One, in particular, is very near me yet also very distant for reasons I do not understand. And I wish it wasn’t so. And I wish I understood. But that is not my choice nor is it my journey. Life isn’t always black and white. It isn’t pain-free either. Regardless, I treasure this person, and always will. I will cherish our shared pathways whenever they do cross.
I know I’ve been away for a bit. My apologies. I still have a second part to post in respect to my blog Disrespect. I haven’t had the time or energy to feel that blog as of yet. It’ll come.
Currently, I’m sitting outside watching Nyx fly through the air chasing after cicadas. She finds them delicious. I’m trying to piece together my many thoughts as I watch her chasing breakfast. I’m in a great amount of physical pain as well and trying to decide what to do about that. Life.
Right now, my journey is uncomfortable. I guess that means I need to do some recalculating. Maybe I am experiencing a growing pain of sorts. Kind of how a butterfly squirms to get out of its cocoon.
My daughter, Charlie, sent this to me this morning:
Me yelling at birds in the road to MOVE, so they don’t die, is probably the same feeling God has while watching me live my life.
Maybe He tells us to move but we do not listen. Maybe we move just in the nick of time. But He will guide us if we allow Him. We just have to listen.
Life. It isn’t easy, but it is what we make of it. Move. Change. Grow. Just don’t stop living. We can’t always chart our map ahead of our journey, but we can have an idea of where we want to end up. That is important. Chase those dreams with the same determination and enthusiasm as Nyx chasing cicadas.
But remember…life is short, so fill it with as much love as possible. ♥️
I am not on social media other than Instagram, and that is going to end as well. It’s days are numbered with me.
On Instagram, you follow people or groups of your choosing. It’s not like FaceBook. Even though you are presented with suggestions of who to follow based on what you like or comment on, the communication is much different.
I have several interest groups and people that follow. I love the sea and the creatures that live within it. I follow household tips and crafty things. I follow of dogs, babies, country living, health and nutrition, travel, dance, Dudedad, and of course, log cabin life too. But because I am a supporter of law enforcement and I love true patriotism for this country, I see many posts that greatly disturb me. Violence against good people. A corrupt government. Failing governors. Racism. Etc…etc…etc. Hence, one reason for leaving Instagram. I asked my friend for a blog idea and his thought process connected with mine. Respect. Or, maybe more correctly, the lack of…
The respect list is long, but the list of excuses for disrespecting another is even longer. There is no excuse. Disrespect is a choice. We chose who to respect and who to not to. Disrespect is the downfall and destruction of our society. Our country’s enemies don’t have to lift a finger, push a button, or flip a switch to harm us because they are watching us destroy ourselves from within.
Disrespect. It starts in the family. Dad disrespects Mom. Mom disrespects Dad. Kids watch their parents disrespect each other, other family members, and those they come into contact with outside of the home. So what children have to build off of is majorly distorted. Impressionable children will naturally follow suit. They disrespect their parents, siblings, neighbors, teachers, coaches, referees, pastors, and employers. Just like Mom and Dad. They find like-minded friends to hang out with and together disrespect other people’s property and lives.
Each of the examples of disrespect are much deeper and deserve more attention than I can give here. But it’s a start.
New life is frequently terminated because someone doesn’t want her life interrupted or inconvenienced. The sanctity of life means nothing to many people. Whether in the womb, or through a partial birth abortion, even after birth…it’s a total disregard for life. It’s blatant disrespect for another person’s right to live upon this earth.
Our elderly are often disrespected by being taken advantage of for monetary purposes, not to mention physically and verbally abused.
The color of your skin (and of mine) should never be the meter on which we measure a person’s worth. We are equal in God’s eyes as He is not a respecter of persons. (Acts 10: 34, 35)
Children are easy prey. Their voices often go unheard. The voice that screams the loudest in my head is that of human/ sex trafficking, not to mention the abomination of adrenochrome. An act so vile that no one should ever sleep again until it’s eradicated from the face of this earth. These are very disturbing issues that no one wants to talk about. But it is happening to children every. single. day. Another example of disrespect for the life of another.
Law enforcement have become targets. There is no longer respect for the authority sworn to protect us. Even our so-called authorities at the highest levels in our land are undermining the authority of our police. Defunding our law enforcement, yet requesting their services on a personal level is beyond corrupt.
Our military, veterans, and our beloved flag are also targets of disrespect. Never before has there been such disregard for those who serve our country and fight for our freedoms. Not one veteran should find himself homeless.
Our cities are being ravished by those with no regard for life or property. Heartless people hurting others under the guise of fake causes and paid for by the elite. They find little to no value in others so they take and destroy. They are easily bought for a price to do unfathomable things. It’s nothing more than disrespect on a massive scale.
Respect. We need more of it. It begins with God and starts with the very foundation of family. Parents…get off your phones and teach your children. Watch your speech, your attitude, and how you treat others who differ from you. Pay close attention to how you handle conflict and tough situations. Your children are watching…and learning.
Respect. As far as authority goes, we are to respect these people as long as they are not going against God’s will. If they are trying to separate us from God or to remove our God-given rights , we have every right to disagree. Just because these people are in places of authority does not mean I automatically respect them. I’ve heard it said that respect is earned. Maybe it is on some level, but not always. I respect God because of Who He is, not because He earned it.
Respect. We need to get down to the very basics of human life and begin there. We need to realize that although we are each significant in God’s eyes, we are also a part of puzzle that’s way bigger than us as individuals. Your life is not worth more than mine. I’m not better than you. We bleed the same. We breathe the same air. And we come from the same God.
Respect. If we want a better world to live in, then make it happen. Don’t wait on the other person to make changes. It starts with you. It starts with me.
Let’s each do our part to make our world a better place to live. ♥️
Another wonder of our world is the seventeen year cicada. These guys have been underground just shy of two decades, maturing, and dreaming of life above ground.
I went out to mow and discovered these guys all over the ground in different stages of maturation. Some were able to fly away when I kicked up grass around them. Mostly they were just drying their new wings. They leave behind their shed exoskeleton that is no longer a good fit.
Soon you will hear them endlessly as they search for a mate. Or, two or three. Or, a bazillion. But that’s their goal in life above ground. Love….😁
Seventeen years. A lot of life has happened since they last went underground. I wonder if they notice the changes in our world. But maybe they are just too busy trying to make sure their species survives another 17 years.
I hope you enjoy my pictures of one of God’s fascinating wonders of the world. ♥️
It’s only 7 am and I should still be in bed on this Saturday. But instead I’m on my front porch swing with my cup of coffee and Nyx. I couldn’t sleep any longer.
Not only is today Saturday, but it’s my 60th birthday. I talked about being “almost” 60 for a long time. It didn’t bother me then. But, honestly….it’s bothering me now.
I sit here, thinking. That’s what I do best. But while I think, my senses are being filled this morning. And I am grateful for this gift. I hear a donkey baying in the distance begging for breakfast. The robins have a nest up high this year on my downspout and out of reach of that mean ole cat. The babies are chirping loudly for their breakfast too. Even with all the trees I had removed, the population of birds seems to have increased. Such a variety of song this morning. Across the road from me, I see the fox pacing along the tree line. I heard he was pretty big and he certainly is. He’s been eating my neighbor’s chickens. Such is the circle of life.
But the scent of lilac fills my front porch. I don’t recall it ever being quite this fragrant. Lilac has been a common thread throughout my life. All my 60 years. Sixty. Six zero. I cannot comprehend this.
We had a lilac bush at home when I was growing up in Waukegan. It was a dark purple whereas the one next to my porch here appears white. It’s a light lavender but as it blooms fully it appears to be a light pink, or white. Lovely.
When we lived on our five acre mini farm in the 90’s, my oldest, Nathan, planted lilac outside my bedroom window. He wanted the fragrance to fill my room. That was a thoughtful gift.
When I came home from work a couple of days ago, my sweet daughter, Mattea, placed a stem of lilac on my nightstand. The fragrance filled my room. It was almost too much. But I didn’t dare remove it. I love lilac and it’s only here for such a short time. There is something about this spring that has magnified the sights, sounds, and fragrances ten fold. Even the scent of cut grass has intensified. Maybe after such long and difficult months God is trying to distract us with things of greater importance. What better way to ground us than through His handiwork.
Today is a hard day for me in many ways. I reflect on my 50’s and wow…what a decade. So much life was packed into those ten years. More life-changing events took place there than any other decade. I can’t believe another decade is gone.
The scent of lilac weaves the pieces of my life together. Torn, frayed edges are sown together with the happy, perfectly edged days of my life. Today I am sixty.
Allow yourself to be distracted today too with the sights, sounds, and smells that surround you in nature. Breathe in fresh air. Feel the sun on your face. Smell a stem of lilac.
Embrace your age, and especially, your youth. Time goes so fast. ♥️
Tonight I did something I’m ashamed of. No…I didn’t do something and I am ashamed.
Tonight, a man berated a woman…badly. In public. Witnessed by his friend. And I was in the background.
This man didn’t talk. He yelled. He verbally abused this young woman and she quietly took it. She was dressed beautifully for a special occasion. It was obvious that she spent a great deal of time to get ready for her evening out. And she was gorgeous. This young man talked about her eyelashes and how fake she was for wearing them. He said she buys her jewelry at Walmart and her skin turns green from cheap earrings and necklaces. He ran down her pretty nails because they are fake. He told her that her hands smell like poop because she doesn’t clean under those nails, because they are fake. He continued on and on, ripping everything about her. Then he would then go back and start at the top with her eyelashes again. His friend just stood there and I remained in the background. Two people who should have stepped up…but didn’t.
She tried to laugh like it was funny but it was solely to hide the hurt. I know this because I know the laugh. I’ve been there.
She said nothing to him and finally walked away. I’m sure she was greatly embarrassed. He paused a moment and then went after her…doing what narcissists do second best…apologize. After they break you they always say I’m sorry.
I didn’t step in. And I’m angry at myself. She needs to be as far away from that toxic, narcissistic man as possible. I failed her.
Next time I won’t stay in the background. My girls know the Mama Bear in me. I stifled that protective bear tonight. Why? A hundred scenarios ran through my head and I did what I do best…overthink. I’ll be ready next time.
Let’s not allow people to suffer right in front of us. Step in. If he treats her this way in public, I cannot even imagine what happens in private. If I would have stepped up…here I go overthinking again…hopefully…it would have made her see the obvious. Maybe she could have pulled some strength from me. Who knows? I had the opportunity and didn’t take it, so I won’t know. As a mom, I let her parents down by not protecting their daughter. And I am sorry.
We should take caring for others to a whole new level. Let’s actually do something instead of saying we will pray about it. I’m not saying prayer doesn’t matter. It most certainly does. I’m saying to do both. God will use us if we allow Him to.
We aren’t just a praying vessel. We are God’s feet. His arms. His voice. His heart. ♥️
I’m going to share a story that only a few people know. I’m not sure why I feel the need to share it with you. I just do.
A second chance…
The surgeon stopped by my room while making his rounds for the day. He told me that my hip replacement was much more complicated than he expected because of the severity of the damage so the surgery took longer than what was planned. I was in recovery longer than expected too.
It seems cruel when they make you get up so soon after surgery. I know there are good reasons for it though. My first time up wasn’t an issue. When the therapist came a second time to get me up, I informed her that I didn’t feel well. She encouraged me to get up anyway. I told her I did not want to. She made me anyway. I took two steps and told her I really didn’t feel well. She quickly sat me down in a chair. How that little therapist got me into my bed, I have no idea. She must have called for help. What I remember next was that I was lying on my back in bed. I couldn’t move or talk. I could hear everything around me but could not respond, verbally or physically. My head was turned to the left and I was relaxed. I was in such a beautiful place of peace. I remember still how warm and comfortable I was and I felt absolutely no pain. It was wonderful. I will never forget how I felt.
There was a woman on each side of me. Although they took turns hitting my chest, I felt no pain. I heard them repeat “She’s not responding. She’s not responding.” I wanted them to leave me alone and let me go. But they wouldn’t stop. I did not want to come back. I was at peace. Let me go. Quit hitting me.Leave. Me. Alone.
Meanwhile, my kids were in the cafeteria a couple floors down. My daughter heard them page the Fast Team to my room. They headed upstairs.
When I finally came back, my room was packed full of people. They kept talking about my color because I had none and it wasn’t coming back. Later, I was told that I had no pulse.
A young nurse (or aid) in tears stopped by my room to check on me. She was upset after witnessing what took place earlier. I told her it was okay and gave her a hug. They didn’t get me up anymore that day and my hospital stay was extended.
A second chance…♥️
Why I had this particular experience I do not know. But it changed my views on some things. Maybe I’m a blockhead and God needed to shake me up a little. But honestly, I guess I do not have to understand the why. I just need to recognize that I was given a second chance. It wasn’t time for me to go even though I didn’t want to come back. I’m here for a reason but not because I am any more special than anyone else. God is not a respecter of persons. But God deals with each of us accordingly. Just like in parenting. Children respond differently although you love them all the same.
I’m not sure why I felt so strongly about posting this. Maybe someone needed to hear it. We are given chances in life. It’s up to us to acknowledge them and accept these gifts.
the day after my surgery
A second chance? Be wise. Accept it. Welcome it. Embrace it. ♥️
I need to get busy with my studies tonight, but the flag outside my window keeps waving at me and well…of course, I have to pay attention to it. Actually, from my desk chair, I can see three American flags. But this one is special. Not just because it’s right outside my window but because it tells me a story every time I look at it.
This flag is weathered. It’s edges are frayed and ragged. But this flag isn’t complaining that it isn’t perfect. No. This flag earned its imperfection. It’s weathered a great many storms, been frozen in winter, and withstood the heat of the August sun. The wind has tried to whip it into subjection too. But the flag wins. It’s colors are still bold and bright in the sunlight. It still waves with strength and pride.
This flag is a reminder of all that our country has gone through and how strong the heart of country has been for over two centuries. We might be frayed on the outside with the treasonous leadership in our government currently, but the heart of our country is still strong and will not allow our country to die. I believe this. And I have faith that God will bless the good will of the people who fight so hard to protect what is precious to Him.
This flag speaks to me with every glance out my window. It has kept me company over the last few days. I am glad that I can still feel such emotion with all that our flag stands for. I hope you can too.
I’m not ashamed to call myself a Patriot. I love our country and I love our flag. ♥️🇺🇸
I am on another journey this week. A week of learning a new trade. It’s tough for sure and I wonder if you can really teach this old dog new tricks. But I just learned something new about myself this morning.
As I sit here this morning drinking my coffee and a million thoughts rushing through my head, I turned on a religious program. I am not familiar with TV religious speakers. This woman has an accent of some sort. Her name is Sheila, I think.
As soon as she began to speak, I was touched by the words she said. You see, I feel separated from others, from society, because of my outward appearance. I am filled with thoughts that I am not good enough for friends, for a mate, and others who I feel judge me on my failure to take care of myself. Everyday is getting more difficult for me to find the control and discipline I need to improve the faults I see in myself. I know my physical appearance is not what it was or what it should be. I’ve not allowed myself to backslide like this in a very very long time. And I am discouraged. But these thoughts go deeper than that. This speaker said that with the thoughts we feel about ourselves, we tend feel that God has those same thoughts about us. And I never thought about this out loud but yes, I do feel that God feels the same about me as I feel about myself. And how wrong is that? Very.
We want to be accepted by the world. And for some reason, we need the world’s approval in order to feel worthy. Jesus was despised by the world. The world He came to save. And the Bible said He was not an attractive man.
Isaiah 3:2 For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.
But the man He was on earth was beautiful on the inside. Still most rejected Him. His grief came from the rejection of His message. He was not concerned with His outer appearance.
Isaiah 53:3-4 He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.
I need to change my focus. I don’t need the world’s approval to find my worth. If my outward appearance keeps relationships from me, so be it, as painful that is. I need to find my value in God.
I’m not worthy of salvation but that was the whole purpose of Jesus coming to this earth. He died in our place and through His shed blood, we find our worthiness.
Our thoughts are bold and strong and they often mislead us. We believe that God feels about us the way we feel about ourselves and that’s just not true.
Don’t let the world control your worth and devalue your life upon this earth. The world is not your judge. The world has no say in your salvation. Be happy today in who you are, even if you are in a season right now of discomfort. Fix what you can but don’t let your “flaws” control your day. Don’t let them supersede the good within you.
My outward appearance is a distraction to me every minute of my life. I will try harder to control what I can but I must let the rest go. I cannot let my outward appearance define me. I’m still the same person on the inside.
Keep looking upward. Know that Jesus knows how we feel every minute of our life. He took human form and felt all that we feel. He pushed forward with what really matters…the inward part of us. Our soul.
Find your peace today. Love and hugs.♥️
Andi
Photos: mine, except for the last one which was found on the internet.
I watched a video of a mother in the hospital room with her daughter who had just given birth. Little did the new grandma know was that her daughter kept a secret from her. She gave birth to twins. Grandma was loving on baby number one when the second one was handed to her. She so overwhelmed with love. This video made me cry. The joy in the new mom’s face for surprising her mother. The tears of the new grandma who was doubly blessed. The excitement of the person peeking from behind the curtain waiting to bring out baby number two. What love filled that room.
You’ve heard the saying, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. Yes, there’s humor in that but even as a woman, I disagree with it. Life isn’t about me. Well, not just about me. It’s about living for others. Giving, loving, receiving…love is a continuous circle. Or, should be. Giving, loving, receiving. Giving, loving, receiving…
Today is Mother’s Day. I could look back and tell you all the ways I’ve failed as a mom. Not today. My love for my kids is genuine. I did what I could throughout their lives to express that special love to them. That expression of love varied with every situation I was in or going through, but the depth of my love can never be denied.
Being a woman doesn’t mean you can’t get dirty!
My children make me feel special. They love surprising me on special days and on off days too. I know how that grandma in the video felt holding that new life. I experienced new life six times with children of my own. And then the grandchildren started coming. I remember how honored I was to go with my son and his wife to the doctor’s office to reveal the sex of their second child. At the moment the nurse said we were having a boy my heart leaped for joy. I was already madly in love with little Jack.
My family is growing ♥️
When I watch the love between my children and their spouses I cannot help but feel overwhelmed with thankfulness and yes, pride. Watching their families grow overflows my cup even more. There is so much love and excitement packed into being a mom, mother-in-law, and grandma.
While I’m no longer a wife that desire is there. I still have so much to give. It’s amazing how God opens the heart to love more and more. Just when you think couldn’t possibly love more, or love again, He shows you that you can.
My heart just wants to burst at times…
If you love a good woman, as a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, lover, or friend, your life will be blessed beyond measure. God describes the beauty of having a good woman in your life. It’s not external beauty that matters. It’s her heart. She will offer you strength, support, compassion, and love. A good woman fills in all the empty gaps in your life. When I die, even with all the wrong I’ve ever said or done, I hope it can be said that I was a good woman and that my heart loved deeply and fully, and that I filled in many gaps.
Proverbs 31:25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future.
Watching new relationships bloom is awesome.
I am blessed with being honored today as a mom. I am blessed everyday by simply being a woman. Womanhood is my God-ordained place in this world and I accept it whole heartedly. I love the my view from here. Raising children, listening to their dreams, exploring the world on their own, starting their own families, watching them figure life out with an energy I once had…it’s all exciting to me.
Having friendships and dreams as a woman, oh…I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love who I am as a woman and everyday I try to improve and become even “gooder “ as my little ones would have said so many years ago.
Sisterly love
Women are remarkable in that they are strong yet there is a soft, delicate side with an overwhelming desire to be loved. It’s a special mechanism that is built in and can’t be removed. It’s not like a battery pack that can be taken out if you want her to stop. Every woman wants to be someone’s princess. I have three daughters of my own who embrace the same Cinderella heart as mine. And that is okay with me.
Love the women in your life. Honor moms today, and everyday. They are so important in God’s plan and design. I cherish all the women in my life. They are all very different but beautiful in their own way, and each add something special to my life.
Happy Mother’s Day to friends, my family, to my readers, and to my own greatly missed mother. She was a beautiful woman who taught me great things. Especially how to be kind. ♥️
Andi
Hope you enjoyed a few of my favorite pictures from over the years. 😊
After doing some research, I discovered that Dr. Fauci’s agency spent over $400,000 grafting the scalps of aborted babies to rats and mice.
I will no longer refer to Fauci as a doctor. He and his team should be charged with many crimes, including abuse of a corpse. I don’t believe those babies willingly donated their bodies to science. They would have chosen life.
I hid my first post. I just didn’t want it to darken my blog. But I do need to share this will you. Unless we are aware we cannot fight.
I read a heartwarming story of a young man with cerebral palsy. His mom stated that some days are more challenging than others. This particular day was a good day as she took her son grocery shopping. He smiled happily throughout the store. The cashier noticed how he was enjoying his shopping experience so she brought him behind the counter with her to checkout his mom’s groceries. He was so happy. He went home and told his family all about it. His mom was so grateful that this cashier took special time with her son and gave him this great experience. She said love wins.
The cashier displayed a love that would make many of us uncomfortable. She thought of this young man first over the (maybe) disgruntled looks from others as they impatiently waited in line. But what an example she was to all those around. And what a positive imprint she placed upon that boy’s life. Love wins.
Love comes in an assortment of colors although they all originate from the heart. Just like that box of 64 assorted Crayola crayons all come from the same box. Our heart is that big. Even bigger.
There are so many types, and depths, of love. Loving God must be first and foremost. God says to love yourself. That’s something I’m just discovering on a deeper level. I have always thought it was selfish. But in order to truly love others you need to love yourself. Therefore, you need to become a person you can love. It takes work, compassion, patience, and a whole lotta love to love yourself. We often let ourselves down and we carry a boatload of guilt (I did). We believe we are unworthy of God’s love, self love, and love from others. But don’t believe that lie like I did for many years. Love wins.
I have a scarred heart as a reminder that love often hurts. I have had to rise above great pain. Through the agonizing healing process, I discovered I didn’t love myself as I should because I allowed myself to be beaten down. The softer part of my heart believed the subtle lies presented to me of my unworthiness. Even to the point where I questioned my existence. But ultimately love won that battle. It was a rough road but love wins through perseverance.
a scarred heart
Evil is powerful, yes. And it scares us. It is presented to us in numerous forms. But love is even more powerful. God sent His Son to this earth for our salvation. In life or death, love always wins. Jesus overcame the evil. His love poured out onto the ground because of us, but more importantly, for us. Love will always prevail.
When I think of love, I think of Galatians 5:22, 23:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Love is the first named fruit, but love encompasses each of those attributes. Each is rooted in love. Love for others or love for self. Love is the greatest of all. Love wins.
I saw the word “love” written in stone last week. (I should have taken a picture of it.) When you think about it, love is written in stone. God designed the foundation of the earth upon love. Through the test of time, it is love that has prevailed. It is strong and durable and pure like the white rock I saw it written in. Jesus was sent because of love. And love is the reason we are here.
Love. Lots to think about. It encompasses so very much in our daily life. No act of love is too small. It is all greatness in God’s eyes.
Love opens doors to places you never dreamed possible. Don’t be afraid to love. Because love, true love…always wins. ♥️
Andi
Photos: internet photos except for the rock heart. That one is mine. 🙂
Time. I’ve written about it before. And I’ll probably write about it many more times. Everything runs on time until we run out of time.
Time is of the essence.
Time out.
A waste of time.
Good time.
Outta time.
Changing time.
Me time.
Time on your hands.
Mommy time.
Killing time.
What time is it?
Spend time.
A horrible time.
Race against time.
Matter of time.
Time to bloom
A lovely time.
Nick of time.
Time limit.
Ahead of time.
Behind the times.
and
Make time.
Making time for the things (and people) that really matter. That’s what I’m talking about.
Anything worth caring about is worth the time. Anything worth loving is worth the time.
So why do we find excuses to take time away from those important things? Does it take too much planning? Too much energy? Have too many other things that need attention?
Be stronger than your excuses.
I read that somewhere recently and it really hit home with me. We never run out of excuses, but we always run out of time. I know that firsthand.
It always hurts to run out of time…
Appreciate time. Use it wisely. We make excuses to why we don’t have time to do important things, yet if we are honest with ourselves, we will make time for exactly what we want to do. It doesn’t always make sense to how we spend our time. Sometimes we use it foolishly. But at the end of the day it would be nice to go to bed without any regret.
May I offer a few suggestions?
Spend time with God.
Visit an elderly neighbor.
Lift up a broken heart.
Call your dad.
Teach children an appreciation for nature.
Garden.
Volunteer.
Cuddle a baby lamb.
Pray more.
Write letters to shut-ins.
Allow yourself to fall in love.
Oh…and call your dad again.
All of these take time but they will give you so much more in return. You cannot put a price on quality time.
Time is precious. Use it wisely because time waits for no one. ♥️
Sunday was a beautiful day as we sat outside in the sunshine. We left the deck after breakfast and headed down to the pond. I sat on the dock while my young friend paddled her way around the pond with her dog.
The pond was mostly still except for the occasional frog jumping around the edge and the wind that would cause small ripples to rush across the surface. But otherwise, the water was still and clear, and from where I sat, I could see the bottom.
I watched those two quietly paddle back and forth across the length of the pond. It looked so peaceful. It was peaceful. My mind travelled back in time. Back to a time when Chelle was still here and our children were but wee little ones. We would sit out here beside these same still waters. Once upon a time…
Love poured over me as I watched her beautiful daughter sail around this pond that once meant so much to her. And I am thankful that this amazing young woman still accepts me in her life. My heart is filled with such compassion and love and gratitude.
Beside still waters…a place of peace, comfort, and safety…as perfectly and beautifully expressed in David’s song. Trust in God and He will lead you beside still waters.
Psalm 23
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Nature is my sanctuary. And the best part is it’s always within reach in one form or another. The sky, the wind, green pastures, still waters…birds, squirrels, goats, and lambs. Nature is everywhere to be found.
Rest beside still waters and there you will find peace and tranquillity. And perhaps, love. ♥️
My youngest daughter, the youngest of six, wrote this yesterday. I wanted to share it with you.
Sweet house, oh…dear, sweet house. You once welcomed a family of seven on Thanksgiving in 2001. A couple months later you welcomed another member of the family. Me. Oh…dear, sweet house, your walls echo with all the voices and the sounds of those eight people. You…oh, sweet house. Your floors of which those people had walked still carry the sounds of their footsteps. Oh, sweet house. You were once filled with warmth, laughter. But now, you stand alone and empty with nothing but the echoing voices of the children and people from years ago. From being once alive and warm, you are now cold. You are a good, sweet house. The memories of laughter and joy still run through you. The memories of a little toddler learning how to walk and to talk. The memories of the children putting on plays for their parents and grandparents. The sounds of the people’s voices still echo through you. I once stood in your beautiful presence and felt the past. The past that was once both joyful and painful. Oh, sweet house. I feel the presence of the children that once were but now are grown. You sweet, gentle house.
It was a lovely home with twenty-six acres of land that resembled a state park. We had many good memories there. And, yes, painful memories too. But we will just focus on the good.
I appreciate my daughter’s thoughts. They are sweet. Just like her. ♥️
My final entry for my weekend journey. It was a beautiful Sunday. I spent it with a family I love. We sat on a deck in the warmth of the sun. The deck overlooks their pond, the memorial garden, and gorgeous property. We drank our coffee and ate breakfast together. Heaven on earth.
Then I suggested that “my” sweet girl to take her pup out on the kayak. (“She” belongs to my best friend and the birthday boy. But I love her as my own.)
Those two are so cute together. All of my own girls each have their own dog, including me. Every girl should have her own dog in my opinion.
What a gorgeous day. I meant to leave at 3:00 but they asked that I stay until after supper. So I did. Happily.
I had a heartwarming weekend. I didn’t mind the drive at all either. I did feel homesick once I got on the highway headed for home. I have cherished friendships there. It was extra hard to leave this time. But even though I felt sad, I was leaving with my bucket overflowing. And that’s a good thing.
Good memories. Good friends. Lots of love. I am blessed. ♥️
I was able to visit to with friends today. One girlfriend met me at the Riverside Gardens. You know it is a forever relationship when you don’t see each other for years and you can pick up right where you left off after being apart. We had a great visit.
I was able to meet the second friend at his home. He is bringing his dream to life. It was inspiring visit. I hope to return for a longer visit someday.
On from there I went to the main focus of this weekend journey. A surprise birthday party. It was a surprise too as he had no idea. What a great friend this man has been to me for years, actually decades. He was married to my best friend until she passed away. So glad that we have remained friends since then. I know we always will be.
The party was fun. I was able to see more old friends as it was a mini reunion. My day was fun and packed full of bucket list check offs, visiting with good friends, and a birthday party. It was kinda nice to have a plan to go by. It was a good and blessed day. ♥️
When checking out at Joanna’s, an elderly gentleman came up to me. He said, “I’m not meaning to sound fresh, but I am so envious of your hair.” I had to chuckle at that. I told him I got my hair from my dad and it is a curse and a blessing. I love the thoughtful consideration of a generation that is almost gone now.
I stopped by the next cafe and got a coffee to go. I’m hitting all my destinations. This is fun. I think I will save the hardest for last. I will drive past my old house when I leave sometime tomorrow.
an inviting pathway
River Gardens. What a beautiful park. The river is so peaceful. It won’t be long before boaters begin to have fun on the river. There was a mallard duck swimming around and he seemed pretty mouthy for being by himself.
a romantic river view for two
I recall how this placed looked when I graduated high school. It’s changed a lot but yet, it is still very familiar. I am content here. So far this journey has been good for my soul.
The seasons typically run about two weeks behind where I live. It looks about the same right now though, but the wind is cold today. Don’t let my pictures fool you. It’s chilly! But, honestly…I do not mind.
I just arrived to my to a place I can call home. A second home. Or, is it a third. Sometimes I feel quite displaced. Where is home to me?
I drove three hours this morning. I left at 7:01. I’m sitting in a diner that everyone speaks of very highly. So it was the first stop on my trip. It’s been on my Bucket List, you know. Joanna’s✔️
As I sit here I look for recognizable faces. We are about 60 now so I’m sure everyone will be a little harder to pick out. I watch the younger people and wonder if they belong to someone I might know.
I have a friend who frequents this restaurant and he has this one-of-a-kind amazing laugh. I can just imagine how his laughter fills this place. Even if you didn’t know him, you’d have to feel good just by being in his presence and around that laugh.
I have a few things on my agenda today before my plans tonight. Just places that I want revisit. Mostly by drive-bys. In a bit, I might get a coffee at another little diner nearby and sit at a beautiful park built long after I moved away.
This trip is somewhat bittersweet. I’ll drive by our home. The last place I lived with my parents. Now my parents are both gone. It was a hard move (transition) from own home north of Chicago to here, an Amish community. Quite a culture shock. But it’s not all bitter, mind you. I feel good. I still have friends here. More than I realized. Our last class reunion almost two years ago rekindled old friendships and created new ones.
So here is part one of my weekend journey. It’s been really peaceful so far. ♥️
Today was quite breezy. In fact, it’s been windy for the past several days. I love the sea breeze in my hair, but here at home, the wind blows my hair in my face when I’m trying to work outside so I have to pull it back. While I was burning the pile of branches and sticks, the wind blew the smoke in my face no matter where I moved. The wind can be frustrating.
The wind may seem useless sometimes and more of a nuisance than anything. But the wind is pretty important. What would a sailboat be without the wind? It would have no use for sails. What about the energy lost in a turbine field without wind?
Yesterday, I read something on Instagram about trees. Scientists once grew trees in a sealed biosphere. They couldn’t figure out why they were unable to stand up. Finally, they realized that wind is what’s needed. Wind puts a great stress upon trees; therefore, the trees must grow stronger in order to stand on their own.
This made me think of our daily trials and stresses. I know firsthand that my hardships have caused me to grow stronger. I believe that through hardships God can use us more fully. Maybe a better example is that of the Potter and the clay. God molds us by allowing the stresses of His hands to shape us. Without the stress we’d remain a cold lump of clay.
Stress gives trees the strength needed to be able to stand; to give us shade, oxygen, and home for many of God’s creation. And stress shapes us into something beautiful.
Stress. It’s not always welcome. Well, rarely ever. But we actually need it. Stress is a reality of life. Find strength in it and become as strong as the trees. Allow God to guide you through it all and shape you according to His will. ♥️
Andi
Photos: a ship in Maine, 2017; an angry sky over a turbine field, 2017; a windy day in Florida with my sister, April 2, 2021
The earth is awakening. All of nature rejoices, and each in its own way whether in song, in color, or by way of scent.
Even on this scary, uncharted path the world is currently walking, spring has come. It doesn’t sense the wickedness, anger, hatred, or sadness that we are experiencing all around us. No, it comes to us, adorned in glory and praising God.
Spring doesn’t worry. It isn’t concerned if the weatherman says it’s going to be a dry or extremely wet season. If it did listen to the weather report, then it would be concerned. But spring doesn’t listen to anyone but it’s Creator, and our God.
I’ve always said you can learn much from our children, but nature has much to teach us as well. Take a break today. Go outside and look closely at all the new growth. Touch it. Be thankful for it. And realize it listens to no one, but God. ♥️
Andi
PHOTOS: Yesterday I went to the park for lunch and took these pictures. 04/28/2021
I have amazing children. Yes, I’m having a proud moment here. All six of them have the gift of writing. Today, I am sharing a loving tribute written by my second oldest, Jet, in honor of his grandpa, my father.
My grandpa passed away this week. It has taken me a few days to come to terms with it.
He valued family. I’m so appreciative of all the trips he made through the years to connect. A visit from Grandpa was the highlight of the year as a kid. You never knew what he was going to say. He was so funny. His laugh made you laugh. He would purposely mispronounce things or accentuate words with an odd accent. There were many “grandpa-isms”.
In my childhood and teenage eyes, he was a man of incredible adventure. He was almost mysterious. He had edge. In the 90’s he lived on a sailboat for some time. He and his lovely wife went on an African safari. He owned a home in Italy. He showed me that there was a big, beautiful world beyond my comfortable backyard. It was obtainable for those who wanted it. The world had much to teach me. It still does. Thank you, Gramps, for sharing your contagious fearlessness.
Grandpa always had a VHS camcorder rolling at our family gatherings in the 80’s. He would shout “hey, come get in the movies!”. He showed us the importance of documenting family. Even the mundane moments that he captured seemed to evolve into priceless gems through the years. My fascination for his “movies” grew into a passion. I made a career out of capturing family moments in the wedding industry for over 15 years now.
When I was 16, he knew I had a passion for photography but also knew I didn’t have proper tools. During a visit, he gave me his Minolta Maxxum 7000 SLR camera with two lenses. I recall that as one of the best days of my life. That was my first real camera and it instantly became my most prized possession. I used that camera in college for all my darkroom projects. I had no money but I always seemed to scrounge enough to buy a roll of film and processing. I couldn’t get enough. Looking back, it was more of an obsession, an escape perhaps, but a gateway to a bright and rewarding future. It started with grandpa’s Minolta. Every time we visited I always reminded him of my appreciation for that gift and his imprint on my craft.
I say all this to point out the obvious, Grandpa played a huge role in who I am today. I soaked up every moment when I was with him. My favorite thing is to travel the globe with my wife, taking photos and sharing them with others, showing them that there is life beyond their comfortable backyards too.
Thank you for your sense of adventure, your edge, your witty humor, your straight talk, and your open-mindedness. It was infectious, probably much more than you or I knew. I needed a grandpa just like you. I love you so much.
I think I’ll load some film in that Minolta today.
Kids nowadays can’t really grasp the whole concept of a broken record. I do see that LP’s are making a comeback but I think mostly music is purchased from iTunes or Spotify, or whatever. Me…I’d love to have a turntable again for my small collection of vinyl.
🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
I remember we kids would tussle in the living room when Mom and Dad were playing music. Once in awhile, we’d land on the floor a little too hard and the record would skip. And then there were times when the record somehow got scratches on it and the needle of the phonograph would get stuck there and play the same couple of words over and over again until someone manually fixed it.
Well life can be like a broken record. It gets stuck in a rut and cannot move past it without help. Just like what I wrote in my last post, I was stuck. I couldn’t get myself out on my own. I needed the help of God.
The same as with a broken record, I probably repeat my posts over and over and over again. But that’s kinda how life is. Not exactly like the movie “Groundhog Day”, but close. Life cycles. Issues cycle. Seasons cycle. And so do my posts.
🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵🎶
It’s okay to get stuck once in awhile. We need God to lift the needle out of the scratch and place it on a smooth portion of the vinyl. Then the music can play once again. Friends and family often help me as well. We need each other to lift us periodically.
Hopefully today you’re playing your own sweet music without interruption. But should you hit a rough patch don’t be afraid to ask for help. God will adjust that needle for you. ♥️
Making up my mind isn’t always the easiest. In fact, it’s downright hard. I have made many rash decisions in the past. Many wrong decisions and a handful of good ones. But even in the wrong life choices, things still came out pretty good. And while I can say that now, it is truly only because I learned so very much. Learning is almost everything. Learning is made perfect when you live what you’ve learned.
I was asked a week ago today to pray about a situation I am currently in. A decision I need to make. Oh, man…I struggled all week with it. God show me. Just show me what path to take. Please.
It wasn’t until the weekend when it all came together. And I can honestly say that I’ve been at peace for the last four days. Would I have enjoyed a more peaceful last week with a more rapid answer to my prayers? Probably. But I wouldn’t have maybe appreciated it as well I did after days of prayer and struggling.
I made a decision and it’s the right one for now. Not that it’s going to be easy by any means, but it is the right one for all concerned. I feel better about myself. A burden was lifted. The pressure I had put on myself was intense. I realized just now while I am writing this how we treat ourselves so much worse than we would treat a dear friend. I wouldn’t dare burden a friend like I do myself. After all…I love my friends. But we are told by God to love ourselves because we are His creation. I used to think that was wrong. That it was selfish. But we must treat our person with respect and dignity. Not in an arrogant, conceited manner, but with love.
God has gotten me through the darkest of places. He loved me when I was unloveable. When He had every reason to walk away from me, He stayed. Even when I walked away from Him! He picked me up every time I fell…although sometimes He let my lie in the filth for a bit longer until I softened my own heart. But He was always there, never far. I know these things. I’ve seen how his loving arms have held my life. I’ve worried and I’ve questioned. All for naught.
I’ve been learning a lot of life lessons since my Dad’s passing and with troubling and difficult situations since then. But it’s all coming together…finally. I’m easing right into God’s arms and finally realizing the warmth, peace, and safety in being close to Him. This is right where He wants us to be.
I hope that we each find the peace that surpasses all understanding. It’s a beautiful place. ♥️
Andi
Philippians 4:7 ESV And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Photos: all mine. Sand Beach, Maine, 2015; in my woods; Big Long Lake; Italy, 2012
From the time we are born until we die, we are thrown into countless relationships. Many come and go. Others are deep and intense, and forever. The most important are often the most challenging.
Family is intricate. You have multiple people living with or near each other. Everyone knows everything about you. Your moods, your likes and dislikes, the way you look when you first get up in the morning. And while that’s a good thing, it is indeed often a challenge. You argue and fight knowing it’s okay because you are family and kinda stuck with each other.
Work relationships are on a level of its own. So many people coming from a variety of backgrounds and life experiences…all gathered together mostly in one place. The diversity can really be a plus when it comes to sharing ideas and filling different positions. Strengths vary from person to person so that can be a bonus for an employer as well. Sometimes though, work can seem more of a competition than anything. Who can get what the fastest. But that’s not always how it is. I’m thankful that my job is not that way.
Friendships can be forever, or not. I heard it said that if you have three close friends throughout your lifetime you are very fortunate. I’ve been very blessed in that respect.
Love relationships can be exciting as you figure out what makes your significant other tick. What is their love language? What can you bring to the relationship to make it more amazing than any other? And it can also be tricky as expectations of each other might be raised to a higher standard than with any other relationship.
A fact of life is that while many people may adore you, there may be just as many who don’t. Having hurt feelings because you don’t click with someone is human nature. But rising above is confidence. If you do everything in your power to be a good person realize it’s not your problem. It’s theirs.
I hope the relationships in your life lift you up and not knock you down. But if they do just get back up and dust yourself off. They can be difficult but they can be rewarding too.
My circle is fairly small but what I have is pretty special. Relationships are a fact of life. Let’s enjoy them to the fullest. They are a gift. ♥️
This morning I thought I might reflect upon the importance of men upon this earth. I was reminded last night of statistics that show the correlation between those who commit terrible crimes and the lack of having a supportive father figure in their life.
In the beginning, God created man first-and-foremost as the base, the foundation, of family. Family is the foundation of society and well…for the world. I am in no way belittling the position of women at all. I am one and I believe God’s design and placement of each is beautiful and it works well if both desire it and work together as a unit.
Families split up more often than not anymore. The father is often absent from their children’s most delicate years of learning and discovering of who they are and their place in the world. Little girls need a good, strong man as their father. One who encourages them to see the beauty in themselves, lifts them up, gives them confidence, and shows them how to be loved and treated by a man through the example of loving their mother. I cannot stress enough the importance of a good father/ daughter relationship.
Young boys need their father to show them how to be the strength in a family and a true leader. How to be that base. A good man will put God above himself. He will teach his boys how to settle conflict without harming others and that being articulate is a sign of self-control. A good man will keep his anger in check and find healthy ways to release the stresses of the day. Fathers will show their sons how to treat a woman by how he treats their mom as well. A young, impressionable boy will follow his father’s footsteps whether good or bad. If the father is absent, the young boy will find another male role model to learn from and follow. The results of those arrangements often make the headlines.
One more thing: a good father will never show favoritism for one child over another. That is devastating to the child left out and detrimental to the family unit. The child will seek out love and attention in all the wrong places trying to fulfill that empty place of love in their heart. It is cruel.
We need to be raising young men to be strong, godly men. Mothers have an exceptional role in that as well. But today I am thinking of men and what a responsibility they have in the home and in society. It is my hope that many fathers return to their roots in the home and become the man that God designed from the very beginning.
I am thankful for the men in my life, friends and family. They are blessings to me. I believe as Christians we need to pray for them on a daily basis. They carry much responsibility upon their shoulders. We need good, strong families led by good, strong men that will lead to a good and strong nation under God.
Enjoy your cup of coffee on this beautiful Sunday morning. And be thankful for the good men and fathers in your life. ♥️
Blessings are gifts from God. They come in many shapes and sizes. There isn’t a one-size fits all. God knows what we need as individuals and tailors them for us specifically. Blessings even in the form of people whom God has strategically placed in our lives. And these are probably the best and most important gifts of all.
The value of a good person is priceless. When you recognize this gift you do not throw it away. No, you cherish this person. You learn from them. You do not take advantage of their kindness and you appreciate their efforts to make life a better place.
We need to be thankful and never disregard the blessings that shower us daily. We don’t deserve all that we are blessed with but God sure loves us. He knows exactly when and what we need and sends that gift to us.
Be grateful for all the blessings that found you this day. ♥️
When I scroll through the news I just cannot believe what our reality is currently. Two years ago, I couldn’t have dreamed some of this stuff up. But a lot of what’s happening has been in the making for quite some time. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you like, but the truth is that many of the wild theories of yesterday are now surfacing and everyone is starting to see the true reality. They weren’t just theories after all.
But I’m not going to spend my time writing about the political craziness of today. This is about my reality and yours. Can we separate truth from fiction? What is our reality? And can our own mind twist ideas and thoughts to make them seem real to us? I believe it can as the mind is quite powerful. And I always learn this the hard way. That’s a reality in itself.
A strong desire for something can overshadow the many other smaller things going on it our life. If we aren’t careful it can consume our time and energy. Then, sadly, we miss out on the seemingly small things, which in reality, are the ginormous things we should be noticing.
Be cautious of what you put your energy into throughout the day. Don’t miss out on the little things in life because you are distracted. I’m not saying to give up on a dream. Just make sure you balance your thoughts. Don’t stay in dreamland forever. There’s life going on right in front of you.
Be well. Enjoy the moment. Even if it’s not exactly where you want to be. It is your reality. ♥️
Andi
Photos: a beautiful planter I received as a gift from a dear friend. I had to bring it indoors because of the cold.
I could hardly believe my eyes when I let Nyx outside this morning. In fact, I had to slip on my rubber boots and I grabbed my phone. It was so beautiful outside! There was much more snow than when we went to bed last night and the sky was pink right where the sun was waking up. The trees were heavy with snow and everywhere I looked was just magical.
As I drove to work, I stopped three times along the way to take it all in. It was breathtaking.
The weather was quite confused today. The sun would shine, then dark clouds filled the sky. It would sleet. Then the sun would return. Soon it was snowing with huge flakes. The sun came out again to prove that it was truly spring, but the battle continued between the sun and clouds throughout the day. After a bit, I called my coworkers to the front window and the sun was shining bright and all the snow was gone. Spring returned and everything was a bright green. Now here at home, the sun is out, yet it is snowing the tiniest flakes.
a beautiful sunrise
I froze all day long but I wrapped up in a sweater and had a heater on under my desk to keep my feet warm. I teased my coworkers that we should play some Christmas music. They didn’t care for that idea so much. I think I could have listened to it. But then again, I have been known to start playing Christmas music in July.
Winter gave us one last blast of beauty. My pictures just don’t do it justice. I’m ready for spring now. I hope the cold and snow didn’t do too much damage to the delicate new growth.
Farewell winter. It’s time for you to go now. See you in about eight months. ♥️
It is April 20th. Spring is here. Trees are budding. Flowers are blooming. We’ve mowed a few times already. I’ve seen mosquitoes, stink bugs, and wasps. Birds are making nests. And animals are twitterpated. I even started to tan a little. But winter isn’t about to let go without one last word.
My sister in NC asked me tonight if it was snowing yet as she had seen an earlier weather report for this area. I sent her a picture. She said, “You love it, don’t you?” Yeah. I guess I do.
Nyx loves it too!Nyx before takeoff.
I know this snow won’t last long. I’ll enjoy this pretty sight while it’s here. I’m just hoping it doesn’t hurt all the new life that is just now popping up. That’s the only downside.
No matter what season, or overlap of seasons, nature is always a wonderland. ♥️
Andi
I’ve always loved autumn best but maybe I’m becoming an all-season girl. I do know I am gaining a greater appreciation for nature every single day. ♥️
Life is meant to be colorful. When you look at the blessing of being able to see in color, and the endless array of color, how could we not choose to live colorfully?
But a colorful life isn’t by chance. It isn’t “let the blocks fall as they may”. It isn’t “if it’s meant to be it’ll just happen”. No. A colorful life is about working hard for something or someone. It’s nurturing and holding onto, and not letting go of. Life is not about stifling dreams only to live in black and white, but it’s about making them a reality. This is another wonderful blessing of life.
We tell our young children they can reach for the stars. They can be firemen or princesses or astronauts. We encourage them to dream. But what happens to us? Why aren’t we reaching for the stars? Why do we leave dreams for children? It shouldn’t be fantasy. Dreams can come true in adulthood. I believe this. But it sometimes means taking chances and making sacrifices.
If you keep your dream a dream, one day you may wake up to find its too late. An opportunity missed. Or a love lost because someone else found the time to cherish them.
Dream. Be motivated. Paint your canvas. Cherish opportunities that are presented to you. They are a gift.
Life. Is. Short.
Thanks for being here and sharing a cup with me. ♥️
When I was cleaning up the sticks and branches in my yard, I noticed Amber, my daughter’s golden retriever, hiding in the huge pile of branches that was to be burned. I realized that she was hiding from my dog, Nyx. Nyx is a high energy, high strung two-year old German shepard and Amber is going on 15.
I thought about what she was feeling. She felt safe there. Every once in awhile she’d stand up and take a peek to see if the coast was clear. It was not. My hyper dog flies through the air to get from one place to another and often she doesn’t brake when she reaches her destination. Amber can’t take much of that anymore. And I understand. Nyx crashes into me and it hurts. If you aren’t paying attention you could end up on the ground. That has happened to Amber numerous times. So this wood pile became a fortress to Amber. A place of safety.
When I am on overload, I want to hide in my fortress. I don’t want to come out until the coast is absolutely clear and there isn’t a “Nyx” in sight to knock me down. Sometimes maybe I even want to run away. I’ve been told that a few times in my life. I don’t do well with heartache, conflict, or any type of turmoil, actually. Currently, I want to hide in my fortress. But often I dream of running away to a faraway land of magical make-believe. But I have no clue where that is.
I have to face the day-to-day obstacles before me, just as anyone. But I hide in the safety of my fortress to try to handle things from there. Outside of my fortress is scary to me. It’s a wild world to face alone, especially for this woman. It’s full of Nyxes. It’s aging me faster than I care to acknowledge and I find myself not enjoying the beauty of life as I should.
Don’t get me wrong…I’m not shaming myself. I have done a pretty good job on my own. I’ve managed things fairly well these last eight years. I’ve kept this household afloat. And I have been blessed to have had people help me to get through the really hard places. But one thing I don’t manage well is my emotional state of mind. The part of me that never wants to leave my fortress. Even through the emotional breakdowns, I try to stand tall. And though sometimes defiant, and often with tears, I usually make the right decisions concerning household matters.
So I understand Amber wanting to stay in the comfort of her fortress. When I gave her loving support and reassurance, she was able to walk with me out from her fortress. We still had a kamikaze Nyx to contend with but we managed better together as a unit. Even though we should be walking with God, our human side was not designed to be independent of one another. That’s Gods perfect design for the human race.
Anyway, I’m sure this message is a jumbled mess and maybe you cannot follow what my thoughts are. I apologize.
I am drinking Italian espresso this morning as I wrote most of this blog in the middle of the night. Maybe that explains the jumbled mess. 😊 Anyway , I hope you make this day a good one. ♥️
Andi
Below are photos of the Flying Nyx. (Pronounced “neeks”)
My parents built our house for 20 some thousand dollars back in the early 60’s. It was probably more solidly built than those of today. Our home had three bedrooms and one bathroom with a full basement. Dad designed our basement into four rooms with a huge bar that angled through two of them. All the walls and the bar were built with cedar. He did all the work himself.
the garage was added many years later
My parents loved to party when we were growing up. Maybe Dad more so than Mom though. My dad was a bartender for the Knights of Columbus. And he was bartender for the many parties thrown at our home. We kids would have to go to bed early on the party nights but we could hardly wait to wake up the next morning to see what party treats were still left over. You know…like those tiny soft mints in pastel colors and bowls of chips and nuts.
Drinking was a very common sight during our growing up years. It’s what all the adults did for fun when they got together. I remember going to a relative’s house, I think my great-aunt’s, and my dad was sitting at the bar. I guess everyone had one back then. He was wearing a suit. I don’t know why. I climbed up on a bar stool and sat next to him. I could tell that he wasn’t quite sober but he wasn’t quite drunk either. Someplace in between. He had a drink in front of him on the bar and both hands wrapped around it. He talked to me quietly while staring down into his glass. I don’t recall what all he said. I only remember one sentence. And that sentence has never left my mind. Ever.
You’regonna miss me when I’m gone.
That’s a tough concept for a little girl to understand. Parents are supposed to live forever. His words made me feel sad…and maybe a little guilty. Was I a girl who didn’t appreciate her daddy?Why was he telling me this? I couldn’t quite grasp what he was saying to me, and I didn’t know what questions to ask, or even how I should respond, but those words have echoed inside me throughout my life.
Maybe some things aren’t meant to be shared with little ones. I know he meant no harm. But I carried his words throughout my life…and his.
Today is Saturday. I can sleep in but my body is still set on my work week schedule. So I’m awake. My ceiling fan is on like it is every night but my room felt stuffy so while it was still dark, I opened my window and crawled back into bed and under the covers.
As I lie here my mind drifts between many things. I need to pick up sticks in my side yard so I can mow. It’s a huge task as I had 8 trees taken down in the fall. It was as though massive tree bombs went off as they smashed into the ground. They were very big and once-upon-a-time, very beautiful.
I think about the rain that is moving in that will dampen my intention to clean my yard. I think about the wedding taking place tonight and how the bride might be feeling because it’s going to rain on her wedding day. I think about my job tonight where I will make sure the wedding party has an enjoyable evening regardless of the rain.
Then I hear the train whistle.
There’s something special about a train whistle that reaches my very soul. When I was growing up in a town on the western shore of Lake Michigan, I’d lie awake at night and listen to fog horns and ships to the east of me and train whistles to the west. Those sounds were more soothing to me than any lullaby.
As I lie here I feel the cool dampness of what is coming, and along with the train whistles, I’m now a young girl in Minnesota. We spent a good portion of our summers there at my grandparents’ home. This town had many trains travel right through the middle of it on any given day. There was a factory whistle that would go off to designate when work started, ended, and at 11:00 for lunch. Church bells chimed throughout the day as well. All beautiful sounds to this girl.
in Minnesota at my grandparents’ home
The coolness of the mornings there, even during the summer months, required a sweatshirt. Maybe even an additional windbreaker or jacket. By mid afternoon, you would be sweating so off it would go. But it wouldn’t be long before the sweatshirt was pulled back over my head. It provided not only warmth but a shield against mosquitoes that could put a hummingbird to shame because size. Not really, but really. They are huge.
I looked forward to getting up early and putting on my sweatshirt when it was my designated day to go fishing with Dad. We kids took turns. It was wonderful. We’d bring home strings of fish that would take hours to clean. Or, so it seemed to a little girl. Bluegill, walleye, sunfish, bass, northern pike, and more were the highlight of every meal. But breakfast was the best. Breakfast would consist of fried fish, fried potatoes, fried eggs, toast, and oatmeal or cream of wheat. Nothing beat those breakfasts except for one cooked over a campfire.
my little brother
Today is a sweatshirt kinda day. In between the rain, I’ll attempt to clean my yard. I’ll listen for those train whistles and I’ll remember those days of old when I was a young girl in Minnesota, slipping on a sweatshirt in those early morning hours to go fishing with my dad.
proud of my little catch of the day
Have a blessed day. Let your day be filled with good memories while making new ones. ♥️
Failure can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Failure to make the grade, or get that next promotion. Failure to pay a bill on time. Failure of a marriage, or big business deal. Failure is often in the eyes of the beholder.
But I’d like to make reference to my last blog about determination and dreams. My friend and I had a discussion last evening about it. He told me this:
Remember failure is more about failing to try rather than failing the adventure.
What he says is truth.
I’m still a scaredy-cat of sorts, but I will try to toss my fear aside and enjoy the freedom of dreams and adventure.
Be fearless. Lasso your dreams. Be somewhat independent even if it hurts a little. (Or, a lot.) Step out of your comfort zone and into the circle where magic happens. Make your dream a reality.
Have a wonderful weekend. ♥️
Andi
In my car, ready for my next adventure! Well…not quite yet. 😊
I created this quote with my very first blog. I was inspired after I climbed to the top of Mt. Sargent, 9 1/2 months after my hip replacement. Prior to the surgery, I spent a couple of years in debilitating pain, of which the last several months I walked with a cane…barely. At that point in my life, I never thought I’d climb a mountain again, much less walk. Determination fuels the dream. Whatever your dream may be.
Sometimes though, my determination gets all jumbled up because it is so intertwined with emotion that I can’t move forward. Mostly, because of fear. Fear that I will make another wrong decision. Fear that I can’t. Just plain fear. So I don’t. I talk the talk, but often can’t walk the walk. Sometimes I wear concrete shoes.
I’m certainly not in my comfort zone when I dream BIG. I admit that. But to be quite frank with you…I am just plain ole scared to make these big decisions by myself. I’m afraid of failure. And I’m afraid of change even though I desire it.
My determination is sometimes hampered by the vastness of the sea and the darkness of the clouds.
Diligently work toward making your dreams reality. Focus, plan, and work hard…but take a step back to catch your breath if you need to. It’s okay. Your dream, your timetable. Unlike fairytales, dreams don’t just magically come true. Not usually, anyway. Just do better than me and drop the weight of fear from around your ankles. Otherwise, a dream will remain just a dream.
Some days I may come across as having it “all-together. Today is not one of those days. Today I don’t know which end is up. My level bubble isn’t centered. And I’m feeling inside-out with my heart exposed.
Is it wrong to have days like this? Well, I am human, although I should try to rise above that excuse. I know we all have good and bad days. Again, the difference is that I write about my days publicly. Hopefully, there is a healthy balance between the two. And maybe you can relate on some level.
I am trying my hardest to put a plan together. I am asking God to open doors and show me which ones to enter. (Do you know how many doors I’ve entered in my adulthood thinking they were part of God’s plan only to find out they were the wrong ones? I’ve paid dearly for some of those opened doors.) I’m just not good at this! How does one plan AND allow God to lead? How does one know if it’s Door #1 or Door #3? I’m at a loss….
Today was an exceptionally challenging and hard day at work. I don’t mind telling you that I am greatly discouraged. But I need this job and truthfully, I believe God led me here. But what is in His plan for me here and why is everything so hard for me if this is where I’m supposed to be? I just don’t get it.
Then I come home to a ton of work. There is much that must be done in order to sell this place and I am overwhelmed.
The mountain before me….
Where exactly do I belong? I am a square block trying to squeeze into a triangle. I just don’t fit. I’m so restless tonight. How do I get it all done? How do I know if one move is God’s will over another? What was the purpose of being led to this job, and when will I know when that purpose is fulfilled? What about other aspects of my life? How do I know when it’s time to move on or when I should just sit still?
Oh…this mountain before me is just so great.
This is my state of mind currently. How does one person manage this? How can I find some peace tonight? I need peace. How do I get this all done?
God, please show me the right path. ♥️
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day with more insight as to what I need to be doing and how to do it.
Things got tough when I was away in Florida. Not only was I trying to comprehend the loss of my dad, I was trying to deal with family who were also trying to comprehend the loss of him as well.
The day after my dad passed, I was frustrated. I felt left out. I felt controlled. I felt alone even in the presence of others. I shared my frustration and sadness with my friend who was far away. He said:
Life is all about hurt. You rise above it.
Think of the ocean and the big waves. If you are in the middle of the waves things can be rough and tough. But when you are riding the top of the wave, life is smooth and fun.
Same wave. Different experience.
At times we will be in the middle of a wave. That is inevitable. That is where you are now. But with your gifts and God-given talent, you will rise above.
Since I was in Florida on the Bay and Gulf, he couldn’t have used a better illustration.
Later, when I entering a situation where I knew the possibility of being hurt was relatively high, he texted me with this:
You are the cream, remember that.
I texted back a “ ? ”.
Cream always rises. It may start at the bottom. Just like life, the good stuff rises above the bad. Try to be the cream in life.
If you are extra special, be ice cream.
I said, “I’d like to be extra special.”
Yes, you are.
I cannot even explain how the positiveness of one person, one person who truly cares, can change your hour, your day, your life. He knew exactly what I needed and it wasn’t ridicule. He knew the details of my situation and he could have told me that I’m 60 years old and to grow up. But he didn’t. This conversation will be with me forever. It was simple, yet ever so meaningful. And I so appreciate this man.
Be the cream. Rise above the chaos and let it be. Life is full of hurt. Don’t let it keep you down.
Tonight on my long drive home from work, I decided to listen to Rod McKuen. My dad listened to him a lot when I was growing up. I loved hearing the old songs as I haven’t listened to this playlist in quite awhile. It gave me peace.
A song came on called Blessing in Shades ofGreen. I’ve always loved that song. It made me think of all of the green signs of spring I could see on my drive through the country. I knew then what my next blog would be about.
I came home and took pictures around my house. There are so many shades of green, and some with brilliant colors attached. Nature is such a gift.
As I write, I think of other shades of green that I consider to be blessings in my life. And right away I think of eyes. Some eyes in my life are the most stunning shades of green. And these people are truly blessings to me.
Blessings in shades of green. What a lovely, happy color. 💚
I wrote this poem many years ago when my marriage was coming to an end. I’ve often wondered about posting this but today I felt it was okay. Maybe tomorrow I won’t feel this way.
We were married for over 21 years. I placed my man on a pedestal much to the dismay of family and friends. Not because it was wrong for me to love my husband so intensely, but because they saw all that I thought I was hiding.
Marriage should be magical even with all its ups and downs. I would again put my man up on a pedestal. Only this time it would be the right man. Because therightman would lift me up the same.
THE DREADED STORM
The dreaded storm has finally come, The deepest of the deep sea rages, Angry winds, all directions from, Grow angrier, as released from cages.
Within my soul, my pain, my plight, As the angry winds, out of control, Toss me about in the dark of night, I realize I am no longer whole.
Being loved is no small measure, True love between a man and wife, Should be the most blessed treasure, And carry you throughout this life.
But for whatever reasons you can’t love me, (Those boundaries that keep you from living), I hope that some day you will see, That I was truly worth your giving.
But now this great storm has arrived, And in all it’s anger and fury, My soul which has been severely deprived, No longer sees through eyes so blurry.
What shall I do amidst this storm, With the sorrow I carry deep inside, To comfort the children I have borne, And find a place of solace to hide.
How do you and I continue from here, With the remnants of shredded dreams, Happily ever-after? Laughed the magic mirror, Our fairytale was make-believe, so it seems.
Questions bombard my soul both day and night, Overwhelming my mind like the angry waves, Of a sea that won’t give up its fight, Venturing into the deepest of which it braves.
Whatever is decided how our story ends, Know I desperately tried to love you, But just as Noah’s first dove he sends, It came back empty from across the blue.
Life is short. I’ve been shown that so many times now. Get a clue, Andi. My life is stagnant. I go to work and come home. Everyday is the same. My fault, yes. We are in charge of the direction of our own lives. And time waits on no one. And now, I have no parents. I’m at the top of the ladder. It’s weird and actually uncomfortable. I’m the next generation in line. Life is rushing by.
My sister and I had a discussion last week about Dad. He never pushed us to be successful. He pushed us to be happy. He lived life to the fullest. He sailed. He baked. He traveled. He played in bands. He barrel-raced. He loved fast cars. He baked some more. He dabbled in many things until he succeeded with each and then moved on to something else that caught his eye. I raised children. That is big. That was my life. But now I need to make discoveries, go on adventures, and challenge myself. Even if this means I need make personal changes and perhaps, even relocate.
I’m what many consider to be in a great place…singlehood. Many tell me this is a fantastic place to be. Well, I don’t consider it to be so fantastic. I was married for 31 years. I think I know what it’s all about and it’s something I still desire. But it doesn’t appear to be here. And it’s definitely not now. Maybe never. So I need to use my singleness to go out and find my own way. Wherever that takes me…
I’m not sure what this all entails but I guess I’ll have fun figuring it out. Meanwhile, I’ll be completing tasks and tying up loose ends. The dreams I once had are perhaps changing; possibly evolving into something completely different. It’s hard to let them go but sometimes we have no choice but to take a different route to reach what we search for. Time will tell.
I feel age creeping up on me and now is the time to make changes while I still can. Tick tock. So…off I go. My mind is spinning. I’m trying to be brave and strong. I talk big. Real big sometimes. Let’s see if I can walk bigger. Wish me luck. ♥️
At the moment I feel empty as to what I should write to you. It’s not that I’m in a bad way, although I am trying to sort through some personal stuff. The last two days though have been fairly peaceful compared to the last few weeks. Still, I always feel the need to write whether I have a topic or not.
I thought of recent pictures I took in Florida. Often a blog will appear from a picture that I take, and I take a lot for that very reason. I immediately thought of the beautiful monarch butterflies at my dad’s home. Even if I am not writing much tonight, the butterflies are so worth their own blog.
The monarch story is beautiful. Every season, four generations of monarchs make it possible for the survival of the species. They are one of the most remarkable creatures on this earth. I encourage you to watch a documentary or read a book on the migration of the monarch butterfly. It’s an amazing journey.
I hope you enjoy the pictures, Thank you for always being here. ♥️
As I gaze out of the window on my flight home, I reflect on this journey I’ve taken over the past few weeks and of blogs I’ve shared with you. I have been honest in my feelings. Raw, at times, I know. But I’m probably one of the most real people you will ever meet.
My siblings and I are now without parents. I don’t care how old you are…the pain is real. And I am feeling lost. My parents passed way too young at ages 74 and 79.
The last few weeks have revealed some unpleasantries. I’ve shared some but not all. Families are not perfect. We are human. Living with regret though is horrible so we need to make everyday count for good.
I got married in 1980 and then two years later my family moved eleven hours away. I’ve been separated from them all these years. The trips to their places or mine were few and far between. Life sometimes gets in the way of life. The busyness of our own lives kept us apart. And we always think we are going to have more opportunity. You know…when this or that happens. But this or that doesn’t happen. I regret the memories that were never made and the talks that were never had.
This week as I listened to my sister talk about memories she had with my dad, my heart would sink to the bottom of the sea. It’s not that I’m angry that she had these beautiful memories. It’s that I didn’t have the relationship with him like my siblings did…because of distance and our very different personalities. And that makes me so unbelievably sad. This week I often felt I was on the outside looking in as I overheard stories about what Dad accomplished in his life. Almost like an intruder, or an eavesdropper listening in on private conversation. It wasn’t a good feeling at all. Things I should have known being his daughter, but didn’t have a clue. I suppose it’s not any one person’s fault. We all played a part in the disconnection between me and them.
I cannot get any time back with Dad so I must make peace somehow and press forward. I will never know what it is like to have a close relationship with him like my brother and sister. They will never know what it’s like to feel left out either. The key is to not let this destroy what we have but rather build off of it. Knowing my brother and sister, I believe we can do that. It is my hope anyway.
So now this long journey ends. There is a time and place for everything. Seasons come and go although the memories still linger. I will continue to write about my father periodically. I’m discovering more about him and still processing all that has transpired.
Thank you for following me. Thank you for the kindest messages of encouragement and of sympathy during the passing of my dad. ♥️
This morning I said goodbye to my sister. She left at 8:00 am. I had three hours to myself before my ride picked me up for the airport. Those hours were not without tears. I was leaving a lot behind. My sister, my dad’s wife, and my dad. Even the hotel had become home to me. Nothing will be the same again. I’m not good with stuff like this.
Through this week (which seems like a month), I lived in each and every moment. I felt every emotion fully. The good, the bad, and even the very ugly. Sometimes I feel it is a curse to feel so much and so deeply. But this is who I am. I can’t be anything but.
I encountered some very difficult and challenging moments. Emotions reappeared after being trapped for decades in the recesses of my mind. Moments I never wanted to face or experience again. But here we are. Reality isn’t always pleasant and I barely pushed through it. I did not conquer or come to terms with these moments. Not yet. They stem from a long history of pain. It will take time. But I was still able to love. That part comes easy. I feel pain deeply but love is seeded even deeper within my heart. I am grateful for that.
My sister and I spent some quality time together. We talked and enjoyed the beauty of this place on the sea that our dad called home. I tried to take it all in; the sights, the sounds, and smells. I was reacquainted with Dad’s friends. I met some new ones too. I took in their stories and felt the love in their words as they spoke of my dad. This week was packed full and my heart is overflowing. I miss my dad’s wife. I miss my beautiful sister. I miss my brother too who wasn’t here this week. I am once again a hot mess of emotion.
I will be boarding soon. I’m leaving so much behind. I don’t want to leave Dad. ♥️
I was asked to bring things to Dad’s Celebration of Life that he gave me over the years. Things that have a significant meaning to me, and perhaps, to him as well. While I do remember a few specific things, and brought a couple with me, the real special and significant things between Dad and me are not material.
What I share here is felt the same by my brother and sister. I don’t even need to ask them because I just know. They could maybe add a few more things that I have forgotten or what they experienced with Dad after they moved away. We were very close and appreciate pretty much the same things. I am writing here the things Dad gave to me.
It’s no secret that Dad and I had a rocky relationship, but that doesn’t undermine the love between this father and daughter. Love was the bond that kept us coming back. No matter what, we always found our way home to each other. Maybe it only lasted an hour before one of us got upset again. But we’d find our way back. I’d gladly take an hour right now.
This bear represented my dad. It was how he would stand often when being funny. I gave him this bear to put in my parent’s shadow box many years ago.
Dad gave me the “love” of many things. My first remembrances of very good things were the holidays. Christmas, especially. Dad and Mom made Christmas magical for us and I carried the same magic into my home and to my children.
I believe that one of the best smells in all the world is of breakfast cooking over an open campfire. Eggs, bacon, and toast. Dad gave that to me. Camping is one of my most fondest of memories of our family time, along with our annual Minnesota trips (which included fishing) when we visited our grandparents.
Dad gave to me the love of music. Actually, I had no choice after being woken up to Tommy, Can You Hear Me?, Pinball Wizard, and Here Comes the Sun, blaring throughout the house, at 6:30 am every Saturday morning. But music was very important to him and I found that same fondness. He opened up our world to a variety of music. Dad and I share the love of Andrea Bocelli. Dad made a playlist for me and also sent the lyrics to many of his songs. I can’t bring myself to listen to that beautiful Italian voice yet. It will take time.
My father gave me the love and appreciation for Italy; the country, and its people, the music, pizza, gelato, the amazing breads, poppies, the festivals…just all of it. And I am forever grateful that he opened up that beautiful world to me.
Murano glass from Murano, Italy I bought this in Rome when Dad took me to Italy. 2012
Dad gave me the love of flea markets and antiques, of food, of the smell of horses and leather saddles, playing the guitar, day trips down old country roads, off-the-beaten-path diners, of motorcycles and fast cars…just so many loves continue to popup out of the hidden files buried deep within my mind.
The last several weeks have forced me into a place I don’t want to be. And I have been forced to reflect, to remember, and to deal with many underlying emotions that have been locked up and carried through the years. I realize that Dad has been the most influential person in my life, both positively and negatively. There were lessons I needed to learn about life, relationships, myself and even about him. Yet, he remains one of life’s greatest mysteries to me. And one of life’s greatest treasures.
Dad wanted me to be more independent. He had the foresight to know that I would need to be extra strong someday. I am a slow learner. I am fairly new to this whole independent thing at almost 60 years old. But throughout the years, I have gained strength through my many trials, and I know he was proud of me with every step I took in the right direction. Well, most of the time anyway.
There is so much I could share about my dad and me, but time isn’t conducive to that. Nor do you want to hear a lifetime of events, situations, and interactions between the two of us. When I was looking for memory items to bring, I thought of a gift that Dad bought for me when I married a second time. It was a sculpture of a man and woman embracing. It was an antique aqua color and very heavy. It reminded me of an anchor so I used it as a doorstop. When I had told Dad I was getting married he surprised me when he said he was coming. I questioned him, “You are really coming to my wedding?”
He said, “Yes. I go to all your weddings!”
I miss you, Dad. I miss your smart mouth (well, not so much), the embarrassing way you would eat your way through a grocery store (um…maybe not this either), how you constantly scared me with that stupid clown (definitely not this), and the loving way you took my hand whenever we were walking through a flea market or festival (yes!). So many things, Dad. You gave me so much more than material things. I learned from both the good and the bad in our relationship. Just know that I will forever be your Andrea, your Andrena, and your Georgia Peach. And that I love and miss you so very much. ♥️
A gift from my dad when I was a very young girl. Dad spent six weeks traveling to several Asian countries for his job with IBM.
Although material things can have special meanings, like those I posted here, many fade over time. But gifts of the heart and lessons learned are forever keepsakes. Treasure those gifts above the rest. ♥️
Tonight was the Celebration of Life for my father. It was held at the Italian bakery where he visited every day. They prepared lots of authentic Italian food for this open house. These people love my dad so much. He was a pain at times but it was very much a love relationship. Dad even went to Italy to one of their family weddings.
My dad had his own seat at the end of counter. My sister once took a picture of him sitting there so when he called or texted that he was at the bakery, she knew his view.
People from all over the world would come to the bakery but no one ever left without knowing who Denny was. After 25 years or so of sitting at their counter, Dad was just about as permanent as any fixture in the place.
My dad and his wife once played in a ukulele band called the Bandaid Band. Two of the members came together tonight to play in honor of Dad. They played Dad’s favorite song, That’s Amore, and had everyone sing along. It was wonderful. I imagine Dad would have had tears.
I heard several stories. Beautiful, touching stories. Funny stories. Love definitely filled this room tonight.
My dad’s appearance is combination of a godfather from the Italian mafia, Colonial Sanders, and Einstein. There is a story in question that someone in the film industry begged Dad to go to Germany to play Einstein in a movie. His friends encouraged him to do it. His wife knows nothing about it. So did it really happen, or was Dad having a bit of fun with his friends?
“godfather““Colonel Sanders““Einstein”
There’s a picture on the display table of Dad in Africa wearing a red shirt. An African man greatly admired the red bandanna that Dad wore so Dad gave it to him. In return, the man gave him a club that he had carved himself which is used to kill lions.
My Dad and his wife went to see Sister Sledge in concert and Dad was asked by them to come up on stage with them while they sang We are Family and apparently his dancing was quite entertaining to watch. I can only imagine.
One morning, the owner saw my dad park out front. She noticed he was slower than usual to come in. When he entered, he was having difficulty catching his breath and his color was not right. He said he just got his haircut and wanted to come by. They told him he needed to go home when he asked for coffee. He thought that was a good idea too. One of the beautiful Italian girls got him to his car and she drove him home. She hugged him when she dropped him off to his wife. When she got back to the bakery, she told her family she felt that was the last time she was going to see him. And it was. The ambulance was called and that was the day he left home to never return. His Italian bakery family felt it was as if he came to the bakery to say goodbye without really being aware of it.
It was such a nice gathering. I know my dad would have appreciated it very much. To have so many of his favorite people gather at a place he loved, well…there just aren’t words to describe the depth of gratitude and love.
I felt my Dad’s presence there and that was good. Oh, how he is missed so much already. He touched lives from all corners of the world. I found great peace among his friends. I am proud to be his daughter.
I pity the poor soul who wanders into the bakery and sits in Dad’s seat at the end of the counter. He just may be run out of town. Maybe even tarred and feathered. Just kidding. Dad’s presence will continue there, and in the hearts of all who knew him for a very, very long time. ♥️
There’s an old Tom Hanks movie called Big. It’s about a young boy who wakes up one morning “big”; adult size yet with the same young boy brain. It’s a funny movie that I have watched a few times times. I thought of this movie because of its title. The word big reminds me of my dad.
While Dad’s wife, my sister, and I sat in that special room on Monday morning waiting to be with him for the last time, we shared our thoughts of Dad with hospice and the chaplain. All I could think of to describe Dad was that he was big. His personality was big. His presence was big. He lived life big. My sister and his wife shared many examples and aspects of his life that reflected just how big Dad was. He made friends everywhere he went. And, for the most part, he kept them. He took big adventures, like living on his sailboat out on the ocean. I wrote about that a few days ago but had forgotten that he even sailed to Belize.
Dad travelled to other countries too. There’s a story about a red bandanna that I will share at a later date once I ask about the details and refresh my memory. I believe the bandanna story took place in Africa.
Dad has a home in Italy. He would stay for a couple of months at a time and still has many friends there. Here at home, he’d visit an authentic Italian bakery every morning, except for Mondays when they are closed, for coffee and something homemade to eat. He made jokes and conversation with everyone there and they fell in love with him. His Celebration of Life open house is to be held there on Thursday evening.
As a young girl growing up with him as my father, I respected him. I didn’t want to cross him in the least bit. It wasn’t that I was worried about corporal punishment. It was because I just didn’t want to let him down. Of course, as I grew into my teens, I did stupid teen stuff and I sometimes crossed him. And I would feel bad.
My Dad was big. (That really hurts 💔 to say in past tense.) We were definitely not two peas-in-a-pod, but rather more like a pair of mismatched socks. Regardless, we loved each other as father and daughter and he will always remain BIG in my heart. ♥️
I’d like to think that Dad is sailing on the most beautiful seas right now. I can see him on the bow of the Dire Strait, his 36’ sailboat, looking ahead to a new adventure. I cannot bare to think of him at the stern waving goodbye to us, so looking forward is good for me. I imagine that he is happy and pain-free, and that he is inhaling wonderful sea air into healthy lungs and exhaling….all on his own.
Today my sister and I walked St. Pete Pier. What a gorgeous day of sailboats, dolphins, the sun and the sea. I feel close to Dad here.
Tonight, I watched the sunset at one of his favorite places, Passé Grille. And it was gorgeous.
Goodnight, Dad. Safe sails tonight. I love you. ♥️
Below is an edited response to a reader that explains a little of my wishes/ goals/ purpose here on coffeewithandi.
I share what I can in a way I feel might help others. It’s a tricky, slippery slope but I do the best I can while trying to balance how much or how little to share. That is sometimes a fine line. I’ve shared too much at times and not enough at others. It is tricky. I want my blog to be centered around hope and inspiration through real-life issues. Usually my real-life issues. Even if I sound to be in a place of desperation, I don’t desire pity. I desire connection. I offer strength in the knowledge that we are not alone with the feelings we have. It is my wish that maybe a single sentence will stand out among the others…enough so that it helps you to sort things out in your own life. We all have ups and downs, highs and lows. The only difference is I share mine in written form. And in public. 🙂
My father passed away yesterday at 12:30 pm. Life support was removed at 12:23 so he was on his own for seven minutes. The hospital staff was beyond gracious. They kept Dad comfortable and pain free as he crossed that thin line between here and there. The three most important women in his life were by his side, his wife of 22 years, my sister and me.
There is a very thin line between life and death. I witnessed that yesterday. We take for granted the abilities of our body to work as it was designed. We take for granted the nutrition found in the food we eat, the water needed for every bodily function beginning at the cellular level, and the clean air we need to oxygenate our blood. Without any one of these, we cross that thin line.
Sometimes we walk that line; challenging it, testing it, teasing it. We don’t realize the fragility of the body and spirit. We were designed in such a way that our bodies will fight its hardest to survive. But sometimes that’s simply not enough anymore.
My dad wasn’t ready to go. He was looking forward to a big 80th birthday celebration in October. But things don’t always go according to our own plans. From a distance, that line appears to be quite broad, but the reality of it is, it’s a very thin line between here and there.
My heart is in pain. My eyes burn from endless tears. My body aches from fatigue. And I want to go home. I have much to sort out, reflect upon, and think about. Life is so very short. And that line between here and there is even thinner than I ever imagined.
Our first night together has lasted about two days, so it seems. My sister made it to our hotel about 7:00 last night. It took her eleven hours to get here by car. My flight was a little late but I had arrived about 3:30. Once in my room, I cried hard for about two hours and then fell asleep.
My sister had a picture of Dad on the dashboard of her car. She talked to, laughed at, and yelled at him for eleven hours, just as if he was in the car with her. He kept her from crying as she drove. And he got her here safely to me.
Our night was spent in conversation of various topics. Mostly about our family. Funny things our kids have said and done, and the trials she had in the final two years of Mom’s life. Dementia is cruel. There’s no other way to describe it. We laughed and we cried.
We sat in the room. We sat by the pool. And we went back to the room. Wow, it didn’t take long for the humidity to work it’s magic on my hair. (Thanks, Dad. ♥️)
We turned on TCM since my brother isn’t here. I’d start to fall asleep so we’d turn it off. As soon as it was turned off, I was wide awake again. We’d turn TV back on and talk, and I’d start to fall asleep. When it was off my mind kicked in. It wasn’t about to let me sleep.
Finally, at 2:00, after several turn-offs and back-ons, she asked me, “Do you know what bananas are good for?” Well, I know they are good for many things but I figured she must have some new information. I asked her what?
“Bananas are supposed to help you sleep. Want one?”
“Yes, I do.” So she and I ate bananas at 2 am, and I believe it was the best banana I’ve ever had. Did it help me sleep? No, not really. Not tonight anyway. But it was the best ever. Just another special moment shared between two exhausted sisters.
Time is moving slowly. In the darkness, periodically, I hear her sob into her pillow. She tries to stifle it so as not to wake me. But I’m already there. I don’t let her know as she needs her own moments as I had mine earlier. We meet with hospice at 10:30 this morning. That is what’s weighing so heavily upon us tonight. This night is never ending. But the alternative is for time to go by quickly, and frankly, neither of us is ready for that. 💔
After my parents divorced, my father bought a sailboat and set sail out into the Atlantic. This was quite a shock to me as he never sailed before, nor had I ever heard him speak of his interest in sailing.
He bought a beautiful sailboat called Dire Strait and lived out on the Atlanta for quite sometime. He sailed the coast of Florida and up the Atlantic coast. He even sailed to Cuba. He turned 50 out on the seas by himself. My dad is brave. Maybe that’s where my children get their strength. You know…maybe it’s one of those things that skips a generation. Dad was even on the cusp of “The Perfect Storm”.
I can only imagine the peace and solitude of living on the sea. The sunrises and sunsets would complete the days. I’d be in Heaven. Storms would add exciting adventure. I imagine that watching from a distance would be both humbling and exhilarating.
Dad is preparing to set sail once again. And this time it is unbelievably hard to let him go.
I’m on the plane and nearing Tampa. Soon I will see my sister and we will do this week all over again. Only this time is our last time.
I’ve tried my hardest to hold back the tears on this flight. There will be opportunity later in the privacy of our room. My brother cancelled late yesterday afternoon. He is at peace with the last moments he had with Dad. I hope to find that same peace tonight.
Dad is preparing for his journey. He just needs to say goodbye one last time.
I’m at the airport and heading back to Florida. I cannot even explain what the last several weeks have been like. The ups and downs, twists and turns of Dad’s progresses and decline. My mind drifts in and out of clouds. I drive here and there and cannot remember a single thing about my drive. Details elude me.
Mom passed away suddenly, and then a year later, my best friend passed in her sleep as well. I didn’t get to say goodbye to either. That hurt incredibly bad. I wondered if I got ripped off by not saying goodbye and telling them I loved them one more time. But did I? They both knew our relationships were solid and full of love. There’s great peace in that.
As I sit here in anticipation of my flight and of the days that lie ahead, I am filled with such grief. Grief that has lasted weeks. This isn’t even the grief. Maybe the most difficult part is that our relationship suffered through years and I didn’t get to speak with him one-on-one before he was sedated. There is such loss for me even though I’ve had this time with him.
I miss my dad. I will hopefully see him tonight and then again tomorrow. There are no longer changes but he is comfortable. I will talk to him again and tell him all that weighs so heavily on my heart. ♥️
I watch two young children play next to me as we wait for our flight to Florida. These little girls met each other 15 minutes ago, but within 30 seconds they were best friends. Both coming from very different backgrounds and heritage but they don’t care. They rise above all the nastiness we adults sweat through our pores. These girls know nothing of race or of racial divide. They are beautiful.
Their giggles and funny sounds bring smiles to everyone around and tears to my eyes. They are genuine and innocent. They are eager to share their toys and to love on each other. We have a lot to learn from these two 3 year olds.
I am becoming more vastly aware of many things as I get older. One, is how lonely people are in and out of marriages. I am lonely outside of marriage as I’ve been divorced now almost 8 years. I had much healing to do and much to come to terms with. Many people are fine with being alone. And while I do enjoy my space and a little independence, I wasn’t designed to be alone. Last night I came to an understanding of why I’m not in a relationship. And why I probably never will be.
We come from an imperfect world, yet we demand perfection. Perfect, I am not. I know my imperfections and those are a stumbling block for me. I want to be as perfect as I can be, with all my imperfections, in order to be a good, no…a great, partner. But everyday I seem to find myself further behind. I am missing the mark I’ve set for myself. I saw that vividly last night. And while I might be vague in this post about what exactly my particular realization is, I just want to share my thoughts with you. In other words, vent.
Life has taken its toll on me. I’m the same person, yet very different. This last year has been especially hard on me, on everybody. And I get that. But I’m just not springing back like I should. This isn’t how I anticipated life would be at 60. It’s downright hard. And it’s lonely.
I think I have the right to say “I’m not good enough” for a relationship because I know me. Now don’t send me a bunch of messages of worry for me. Don’t be worried. It’s not like that. But you have to be smart. And observant. You have to be able to ask yourself, “what do I have to offer another person?” And you need to be honest. Honesty is a killer of sorts. It can be brutal. If you cannot see your own value then you cannot share with another. It’s as simple as that.
I’m always going to be a fixer upper. Even more-so-now with age. No one really wants to pursue, or deal, with that. And I get it…and yet, I don’t. Starting over at this age with the expectations of a yesterday long gone, is not conducive to a healthy new relationship. Saying goodbye to my youth is the hardest thing for me, and I’m not dealing with that aspect of life very well.
There’s also this huge issue called baggage. We have one or more suitcases full by the time we are middle age plus. So at this age, if looking for a relationship, you have to sort it out by asking what can I live with, and what can’t I live without. And this can be a very difficult task.
This blog is a slight distraction from my dad’s situation. But he has been stirring up some much deeper thoughts about life and love. As I try to fit my own pieces of life together, past and present, I realize what a difficult puzzle I’ve lived. It’s a mess really. Torn pieces. Dark pieces. Beautiful pieces. Missing pieces. I guess that’s a harsh reality of life.
I can honestly say though, that after all these years I see great progress in finding my inner peace. Daily, I strive to be a better and happier person. The Apostle Paul suffered from what he called a “thorn in his flesh” and he prayed that it be removed. We can speculate what the thorn was. Many believe it was poor eyesight. But God didn’t remove it from Paul, from my understanding. Paul needed to endure it throughout his time. We all have a thorn or two in our life. I am no exception. For one, I believe I am not designed to be alone. But the reality is that I need to come to terms with it.
Don’t be sad. This wasn’t meant to make you sad. Or mad. This is me sharing with you real life feelings. Maybe you have similar and maybe this helped. Maybe it didn’t. I just needed to get it out.
We need to make peace with ourselves. We need to be honest with ourselves too. Even if it hurts.
I hope you have a wonderful day. I plan on having a good day even though I am preparing for the next part of my journey with Dad.♥️
Andi
Photos: a beautiful scene on my way home from work last night.
I got in my car tonight after work and plugged in my phone. On Fridays, I have a long drive to and from work. That’s the time when I listen to podcasts or music. Tonight, I thought of Andréa Bocelli, but then instantly, I thought of Dad. The dam burst, and I cried for several miles.
There are a few things that Dad and I share. One thing we share is the love for our Italian heritage, the beautiful language, the gorgeous country, pizza, gelato, and Andréa Bocelli.
Dad introduced me to this amazing Italian singer a long time ago. He gave me a playlist of songs. Everyone of them, beautiful. It’s one of my most favorite playlists.
Memories, and our shared likes, our disagreements, our happy moments are constantly popping into my mind when I least expect it. And then, uncontrollably, I release another gusher. Tonight was just a continuation of the morning and mid-afternoon breakdown.
I couldn’t listen to our beautiful Italian singer. Not tonight. I don’t know when I’ll be able to again. I listened to nothing on my drive home.
As for an update, my Dad is quiet with no changes. He’s so tired. More tired than he realized. Than we all realized. I will see him in a couple days. I want to hear him say my name again. But I know that isn’t possible. Sometimes he would call me Andrena for fun. And decades ago, when I was just a little girl, he would say I was his “Georgia Peach”.
Oh my gosh…where do all these tears come from? I cannot continue…
I lie here on my bed. It’s not quite dark yet. I meant to go to the pathway and watch the sunset but time has gotten away from me even though, once again, everything is moving in slow motion. I am numb and unable to move.
My chest feels heavy. It even hurts. No, it’s not a heart attack. It’s heartbreak. I’m grieving…again. More answers will come tomorrow. Tomorrow…another turning point in this month long battle.
I hurt for my dad. I know he wants to be here with us. I want him here. I want to make up for all the times we’ve quarreled. I want to say I’m sorry (again) for my part in the division between us. We reconciled in January right before he got sick so we didn’t get to enjoy our renewed relationship. Now, he’s trapped inside a body that is so very tired from fighting.
I am numb from head to toe.
This is the hardest part of life. Grieving.
Grieving the loss of love. Grieving unanswered questions. Grieving the loss of life.
My head is starting to pound. But still, I cannot move my body. It’s so heavy. Dark and heavy, like the clouds in my pictures. I guess I really don’t want to move anyway as I have no where to go.
I need to be held and to cry into a shoulder. And then held for a bit longer. But my room is quiet except for the movement of my dog, and the sound of my own breathing. Breath I wish I could give to my dad. The silence is deafening. Tears begin to fall. Again.
(adj) 1. smitten 2. state of nervous excitement 3. how I feel aboutcha
Is it because of the great rest I got last night, or the lovely walks along the bay last week, the warmer temperatures, or the tiny bit of tan on my cheeks? Is it spring fever? Maybe all of the above. What I do know is, I feel the excitement of this new season. And I feel love in the air. Spring makes everything new and fresh again. I do believe I am twitterpated.
I first heard of twitterpated on the Disney movie, Bambi. Well, actually, it’s the only place I’ve ever heard it. As a hopeless romantic, I’ve always loved that word. Longing for love; to love and be loved. I may be pushing 60 but my heart is still 18. I always believed that the mind aged like the body, but that is just not so. It’s a pretty cool reality. A welcomed gift.
Hopefully, you feel this spiritual awakening too. No matter what you choose to call it, spring fever or twitterpation, just run with it. Leave old man winter behind and feel the excitement of another spring. Bask in the warmth of the sun and let youthful love fill your heart and soul. ♥️
What a difference sleep makes. Today was so much better after getting some much needed rest. I feel like a completely different person from yesterday. And…I was able to work a full day.
I am just so thankful for good, sound sleep. Life is so much more manageable when rested. It is certainly good for the soul. ♥️
Andi
An Update:
Dad is still about the same with some minor improvements. We are excited about that. He is by far from out of the woods. To go from, “He’s got this”, to “He won’t make it through this day”, to “He has some positive improvements”, is quite a roller coaster ride of emotion. I wouldn’t wish this ride on anyone.
My siblings and I, and my children, are writing notes to Dad/ Grandpa, and his wife reads them to him. Hopefully, he can feel the love even though he is heavily sedated. Maybe love can bring him back.
I am exhausted. And I am so sad. But I rejoice that Dad is still here. No real changes from yesterday. But I know that even while sedated, he must be exhausted as well.
Dad, I’m wishing, no…I’m praying, that you have a peaceful sleep this night. I pray your night is filled with sweet dreams of us kids loving on you.
I pray that my brother and sister and Dad’s wife have a peaceful sleep after so many sleepless nights. I pray that tomorrow we are all just a little more stronger.
Goodnight to my precious family. Goodnight and sweet dreams to my readers. Love all those in your life. Mend the broken fences. Hold each other tight and love on one another like there’s no tomorrow. Because maybe there isn’t.
My mother’s house always smelled of vanilla. It was a strong scent too. I think she had several vanilla scented plugins throughout her house. To this day vanilla reminds me of mom.
Saturday I went to my office and painted. The funny thing was I couldn’t smell paint much but there was a dull scent of vanilla. I noticed my office smelling the same yesterday when I went to hang pictures. Today when I went to work, I tried my hardest to focus, but I just couldn’t. I was constantly looking at my phone, you know…waiting for “the” call, or receiving texts from concerned friends and my kids.
Out of the blue, I sent a text to my brother and sister saying, “I want to talk to Mom.” It was then I realized that my office had a much stronger scent of vanilla than in the past two days. In fact, it was very potent. I walk out into the hall. Nope. Came back into my office. Yep. It makes no sense as I do not use artificial fresheners at all. But vanilla is clearly in my office.
I guess there are many things we don’t understand. The mind, too, is very powerful. I won’t fight it, or try to explain it. I will just find comfort in my thoughts of her and feel her loving presence. ♥️
I’ve never had to say goodbye to anyone before. Or, maybe I should say I’ve never had the opportunity to say goodbye. My mom and my best friend both passed away suddenly, and quietly. I didn’t have the chance to tell them goodbye. I’m not sure which is worse.
This pain follows me from room to room. It is relentless. I tried to leave it in the house but it followed me out here to the deck. Even my beloved sun can’t protect me from the throbbing pain. Nor does it dry my river of tears.
I feel the cool breeze on my face, and through my hair, and I think of Dad out on the Atlantic on his sailboat, the Dire Strait. The sea breeze and salty mist making his wavy hair very happy. I got my hair from Dad. I know what sea breezes do to mine. It’s the same. And I love it. I thank him everyday for my hair. Although, I curse him on my bad hair days. But I’m glad I have this special part of him.
Today is a trying day for us all. His prognosis is not good. I tried to work today. I barely made it three hours before I came home. I love my dad. And this is just too hard.
I’m home, yes…but my mind is still occupied with thoughts of my dad. Knowing he is still in the same sleep as when I last saw him days ago is really pretty weird. He’s had varied changes take place since I was there. Everyday there is some sort of change, good and bad. He’s been very ill for over a month now. They are still running tests on him.
I wonder if he heard me when I spoke to him that day. The nurse said he does hear even though he’s sedated. Do they say that to make you feel better? I don’t know. I’d like to believe it that he did.
My sister sent us a group text after my dad’s wife sent us our daily update on his condition.
This is what she wrote:
“Dad has always done everything at his own speed. He had his own “time zone”. ☺ How many countless minutes/hours have we all spent waiting on him to get down that first row at the flea market or antique store, sometimes picking up an object and studying it for the longest time, and then just put it down and move on. Waiting at the checkout while he’s meandering down aisles at the grocery store, or any store, for that matter. Waiting for him to finish a project or START a project (“You see, it’s all in the planning”.) And here we all are, waiting on Dad. Waiting for him to turn that corner. I can just see him coming down the aisle.”
Yes, Dad does things in his own time and in his own way. Always has.
I am home but I’m still very tied to Florida. I love my dad and should he need me there, I will go back.
Several people have asked me privately about how my dad is. And while I won’t write specifics in a blog, I will still try to keep you updated as I can. Thank you for caring. ♥️
There are many components to being human. Every person who walks this earth is very different, yet very much the same. We have own belief system and opinions, our own ways of doing things, etc., and I believe it is a blessing to be so unique. How boring it would be otherwise. But our similarities are extra special as they make us more compassionate.
When I went away last week, I was filled with many emotions. A friend suggested I write a blog about all that I was feeling. Since I was a hot mess, I needed to sort out a few things first before I could post anything. So I wrote in a special journal I have as I sat by the Bay. There, I had some much needed “squirrel time” and I found peace by the sea. Shortly thereafter, I wrote my first post of the week, Waves of Time.
After discussing the blog with my friend, I took his advice and began to write more real. Being human, we go through life’s trials and we suffer pretty much the same way. Our hearts break. We cry. We get angry. We have trouble sorting things out. On the other hand, we also celebrate the good things in life. Our humanness comes from the most inner part of us. It’s good to share our struggles and our celebrations. It brings us closer as a people. It lets others know that we are not alone and that it’s okay to express the reality of pain and the joy of happiness.
I have told you before that I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. I have gone back and forth on whether that is a good thing or not. But I think it’s okay as long as I don’t cross the line of wallowing in self-pity. Sharing is a good thing as it connects our dots and unites us on a heart level.
Being human. Being real. It’s a beautiful thing. ♥️
On my way home from painting today, I decided to listen to Gary Morris. He has a soothing voice and I haven’t listened to him in quite awhile. The second song came on and it really touched my heart after all that’s transpired in my life lately.
I have a friend to whom I could sing this song. By simply changing the pronouns, this song describes him perfectly. He always points out the good in everything and helps me to see things in a positive light when I cannot see at all. He lives in the shadow yet appears whenever I need him. He blesses my life with his friendship. I am beyond grateful for this man.
Here are the lyrics of the song – only I changed the pronouns. Below the lyrics is the YouTube link so you can listen to Gary Morris sing this beautiful song.
The Love He Found in Me
He looked into a heart so sad And saw what no one ever had Beneath the snow he saw the spring He finds good in everything
Give him thorns and he’ll find the roses Give him sand and he’ll find the sea Give him rain and he’ll find the rainbows
Just see the love he found in me Just see the love he found in me
He looks beneath each tear that’s cried And somehow sees the sunny side Even on the darkest night He knows where to find the light
Give him thorns and he’ll find the roses Give him sand and he’ll find the sea Give him rain and he’ll find the rainbows
Just see the love he found in me
When the world starts closing in He gives me strength to smile again
Give him thorns and he’ll find the roses Give him sand and he’ll find the sea Give him rain and he’ll find the rainbows
Just see the love he found in me Just see the love he found in me
I don’t need to mention his name because he doesn’t desire that kind of recognition. He is a humble man who lives a quiet life guided by his heart. And I am grateful for the man he is. ♥️
On the second day of my new job I was given an office of my own. I got all teary-eyed. I’ve never had a job that came with an office. Right away I thought of a theme for my little place. I needed to plan and purchase several things to make it happen. Even though I once loved to paint, I do not anymore. I had learned my lesson years ago. But here I go again.
I was ready to paint last weekend when I got the call that I needed to get to Dad in Florida. Since I am home now, and I need to keep my mind busy, I decided to paint today. Even with a splitting headache.
I got to the office and realized I forgot my bag of painting items that I need. Tape, edger, angled brush, paint stirs, etc. Oh well, I’ll make due. The office has some things in the storeroom that I can use and replace later.
I taped up the wall and started to trim. I thought my head was going to burst while trimming above my head. I really should have waited for another day. I got the roller out and stepped up on the stool and started to paint. When I came down off the stool and I stepped right into the paint pan. Yeah, I did that.
I finished that wall and decided to paint the opposite wall where the door is because I wasn’t quite tortured enough yet. I thought it would be simple, but no. Trimming was an aggravating mess with a ton of touch ups, and I see that both walls are going to need a second coat.
Currently, I am blogging while I watch paint dry. I would like to go home. I’d like to be in Florida. My mind is racing. I feel guilty to be here when Dad is not doing so well but then I feel guilty being there and not doing things that need to be done here, like painting or my job. I can’t help Dad no matter where I am. It doesn’t make it any easier though. So, I guess I’ll watch the paint dry, think about Dad, and see what needs to be touched up…again. Tomorrow I’ll hang my pictures.
I am back home in Indiana now. My dad continues to fight. There’s nothing I can do for him and I can no longer see him, except through a window, so I came home. I was torn about staying and leaving, and my heart hurts very much.
As I travelled on airlines, walked through a beautiful city, did some people-watching in parks, and dealt with health care facilities, I am even more convinced that we are doing some things wrong. I believe that people need physical touch, skin to skin. We need to hug and shake hands. We need to see maskless, smiling faces again. So many rules and mandates are controversial and contradictory. People are letting fear lead them. Freedoms are given back in some respect but many people prefer to continue to live in fear. We’ve become so sterile and distant from one another, that we’ve lost some of our humanness. It’s becoming a cold world.
My brother was able to visit our dad on Tuesday afternoon. Later, Dad was transferred to another hospital because his condition worsened. I was able to see him on Wednesday in the critical care unit. This hospital allowed me to see my dad without a gown or gloves. I was able to talk closely to him. I rubbed his head, played with his hair, and held his hand. Skin to skin. The very thing I needed to do. The very thing so many are denied. I touched my dad.
I am sad that I didn’t get to communicate with my dad the way my siblings did. They talked to him and he talked back even though he was somewhat irritated. But I am blessed in that I was able to touch him and tell him that I love him.
My trip to Florida was bittersweet. I was blessed greatly by a friend. I met new people and gained a new friend. I saw beautiful scenery. I spent quality time with my siblings. I saw my father. I had peaceful moments. I laughed, and I cried.
Yesterday Dad took another turn for the worse. We can only see him through glass and he is still heavily sedated. It will probably be this way for awhile. I guess I needed to come home for now. It’s hard no matter where I am.
Thank you for staying with me during this very difficult time. I appreciate all the views and messages sent to me. ♥️
I was fortunate to stay at a lovely bed & breakfast for the first three nights of my time here in Florida. The home was built in 1912 and is very solid. All of the architecture has been maintained in its original design and it is absolutely stunning. The owners of this inn are charming; perfect hosts. Breakfasts are as beautiful as they are delicious.
While both men are sweet, I had more opportunity to speak with Carlos than Kevin. Carlos is a compassionate man who listened as I spoke of the circumstances surrounding my visit to Florida. On my last morning there, Carlos took the time to chat with me after breakfast about his family, his work, the craziness of our current world, how people need to be touched again and see faces, about loving yourself, finding peace within yourself, and how the right person will find you. And we talked about my father. He spoke with such kindness in his Venezuelan accent and I felt his genuine love for all people.
Carlos knew the heaviness on my heart of not being able to see my dad as of yet. He also knew I had much I wanted to tell my father and that I just wasn’t sure how to say it all. He suggested that I write down all that is on my heart in the form of a letter. He said to take the letter to the hospital and look for a compassionate nurse. Look her directly in the eye, give her the letter, and ask her to read it to my father when the time calls for it. As I writer of letters, I never thought of doing that. It was a wonderful idea. He asked if I needed paper. I did actually. He rummaged through his office and found a notebook. I saw him tear a few pages out. I thought he’d hand me the pages, but no. He kept the pages and gave me the whole notebook. I thanked him. He gave me a hug, wished me all the best, and I left to finish packing.
Life is a gift. And there are many genuinely good people in this world. Carlos is one of them. He is also a flight attendant. I’m sure he’s perfect for that job as well.
I have been greatly blessed this week. I do not take anything for granted. I appreciate all that I have received and am so very grateful.
What I thought to be a comfort on Night One with my brother has actually become quite an annoyance on Night Two. A hilarious annoyance though. Well, sorta…
My brother fell asleep.
I didn’t realize we were so close to an airport. Are the Blue Angels in formation above our hotel room? Or are we near a train station? Why are they demolishing a building at this late hour? The noises coming from that other bed are in no way human.
My sister shared with me the trauma of her first few nights with our brother and what she does to find an hour or two of sleep at night. So in-between the laughter she taught me how to make a taco pillow.
The pillows here at this hotel are quite fluffy and fairly large. They are probably queen size but seem a tad larger than that. Once these pillows settle though they get rather hard. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced pillows quite like these. My neck disapproves of them.
So the trick to making a pillow taco is to sink your head in the middle of the pillow and move the center fluff to the ends. Then you mold the ends to cover your ears and to fit up along your face. Then if all goes well the pillow will sorta harden. I wasn’t quite getting it so she tried to help get the fluff up around my face. The laughter brought tears as we practically had to scream at each other to be heard. For best results, I found that I still needed to press the pillow next to my face as the noise seeped in through every tiny crevice that wasn’t tightly sealed.
I still didn’t sleep much but it’s okay. I’m glad we are here and the reality is that our time together is quickly coming to an end. We have one more night together. I’ll sleep when I get home. For now, a taco pillow will have to do.
Since I’ve been here in Florida, I’ve found my best writing to be early in the morning while I’m still in bed. This is my first night sleeping in the same room with my brother and sister. When was the last time we three slept in the same room? We were all very wound up and wide awake at 2:00 am. Those two finally calmed down and have gone to sleep. I lie awake here in the dark with my sister resting still beside me. I listen to my brother snore, and frankly, I find comfort in that. We three.
It’s difficult to keep up with Dad’s rapid and constant changes from highs to lows. And now a late night hospital move for more invasive care. You can see the exhaustion in our faces and in our physical movements. We are tired. Our eyes tell on us. They tell our story of love and sadness. And everyday our story deepens and more love is exposed. We truly share a story, we three.
We laugh together constantly throughout our day and now, even through the night. Crying, though, is a common part of our day as well. We take turns with the tears. It’s been a blessing so far that we don’t experience those moments at the same time.
We three. So very different from each other yet so much the same. History binds us together, love keeps us close, and laughter lightens the brokenness.
Today I moved from the B&B to stay with my brother and sister at a nearby hotel. We are totally wiped out today from lack of sleep and the emotional roller coaster that we ride with Dad.
When we got to the hotel, I decided I needed to lie down. My head hurt and my eyes were just so heavy. A nap was calling me. No, it was yelling for me. Just when I got comfortable, my brother started jumping on my bed. Yes, that’s right. My 57 year old brother was jumping on my bed. Then he got off on my bed, hopped up onto his, and jumped over to mine. The whole time I’m laughing and scolding him.
My brother will never grow up. Well, not totally. And that’s okay with me. During this time of trial, he definitely keeps us laughing. I love that about him.
Hang onto as much of your youth as possible. It will help to get through the really tough times. (I really don’t suggest you jump on beds though. Not at 57 anyway.)
In times of hardship, such as in our current family crisis, often tensions flair, feelings get hurt, and voices raise. My family is not above that line, nor am I.
Yesterday was one of those days.
As I lie here in bed, I continue to review the events of yesterday. Much of what transpired has been years in the making. It’s just a matter of fact. It is the composition of our family. And yesterday was not the day to try to change anything.
There are many things in life that we will never understand completely, or maybe never at all. And sometimes those are very hard things to accept. And while they may leave us feeling paralyzed, hurt, and maybe even slightly cheated, the bottom line is love will always prevail if you allow it. While I cannot speak for my siblings, I, myself, carry a fair amount of hurt inside this old heart of mine, but I know that at the end of the day love supersedes it all.
My siblings and I feel helpless and lost as we watch our father’s battle. What we would consider to be a very thoughtless, basic bodily function, breathing has become the ultimate focus of every second of Dad’s life.
Yesterday was a high stress day. We are very tired and our sensitivities are heightened. Regardless, of the composition and history of our family, love prevails and our connection to each other is only strengthening.
How is it I can hear the seconds tick by on the digital clock next to my bed? And why does it seem like minutes between each one? I feel the stabbing pain of each deep within my heart.
Tick tock…
Everything in life is timed. The time of our conception. The time of our birth. The time of our death. And every single event in-between, and all throughout our life. It’s all timed.
We’ve wasted time. We’ve scheduled time. We’ve rushed time. We’ve questioned time. We’ve been on time. And we’ve begged for time.
Tick tock…
Tick tock…
Tick tock…
…goes the clock.
Time is moving in slo-motion. I have much to say. Will time wait for me? I will find comfort in and embrace in the knowledge that God’s timing is always perfect. What is life without hope?
Today could be one of the hardest days of my life. Ever. Or miraculously, it could be a really great day filled with good news. Either way, all I want right now is to be a little girl of five again. To be back at home on North Bonnie Brook Lane with my parents and my brother and sister and Major, our German shepherd. I want to be getting ready for my kindergarten class on this Monday morning instead of anticipating a hospital visit. I want Mom to walk me to the bus stop while I carry my little orange bath mat (for nap time) rolled up and tucked under my arm. Yes, that’s where I want to be.
I don’t want to be an adult. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow either.
My dad and I love each other. We do. But we haven’t always seen things eye to eye. In fact, very seldom have we ever. Our strong, bullheaded personalities clash. We haven’t shared the same views on important topics. We’ve misunderstood one another. We’ve baited each other. We’ve been defensive. We’ve criticized. We’ve yelled, and we’ve been silent. We’ve hurt each other…and deeply at times. And all of this for most of my 60 years.
Why?
I really don’t know why. But maybe there’s really no one answer. Maybe it’s a combination of reasons. Regardless of the why, life is so terribly short to spend your days, months, and years living in the hurt. I realize this ever so much more now as I watch my dad fighting for his life.
We reconciled in January when I called him on my way to work. Dad asked me what was so wrong between us for all these years. I said I didn’t know. We talked things out for a bit and then we decided that that day was to be our Day One of a renewed relationship as father and daughter.
I am grateful that we still had time. Time to share a loving moment together even if it was only over the phone. We do not know the when, the how, and the where of our last meetings and conversations with those we love, so we need to do better. We need to be better.
I love my dad. Time was wasted, and while it was both our faults, it doesn’t change the fact that we missed out on so much life together. Time doesn’t wait on us. We need to seek out time and mend the fences.
A few days ago I went to the sports park to take a walk. This park has such wonderfully good memories for me as used to run it often. I know many people might not understand how running around the border of a park can give you good memories. Well, maybe it’s just memory, singular. The memory tied to the park is that of wellness.
But this particular afternoon, as I parked in my spot, I saw a young family on the playground. I sat in my car and watched them. The wee ones ran here and there while mom and dad took turns chasing after them.
I thought about my time with my young ones at different playgrounds throughout our time together. It really wasn’t so long ago. Was it? I remember the transition from diapers to pull-ups. I remember the skinned knees on the wood chips around slides and swings. I remember the teeth almost knocked out on many occasions. Some were successful. I remember the squeals and laughs, the chasing, and the teasing. Oh…I miss those days. I wanted to tell those young parents to cherish every single moment with their young ones, regardless if they are good or bad moments. This season will end shortly, and before you know it, your babies will leave to make homes for themselves in faraway places, like Florida, Illinois, or even in another country.
The waves of time…
Today, I walked along the Bay. Tampa Bay to be exact. I watched the glistening waves lightly hit the sea wall. I compared those to the mighty waves of the Atlantic off the rocky coast of Maine. Waves can be subtle. Waves can be calm. Waves can be violent and destructive. Just like time and our seasons of life.
Today, I am a hot mess of emotion as my heart is experiencing both crashing and peaceful waves. I am filled with great sadness and hopelessness as a loved one struggles for the very breath that I take for granted. I am filled with gratitude because someone has shown great compassion and kindness toward me. And I’m filled with peace as I am in a most beautiful place where I can try to make sense of it all. A place where restlessness of heart is not welcome.
I am in-between. I am the link between my children and their grandparents. Somewhere in the middle. And these waves of time, over time, change the dynamics of the shoreline, and of our lives. At some point, my children will be that link between me and their offspring. It’s how the sea rolls. It’s a fact of life. Still that doesn’t make it any easier.
Today, I’m praying for the calmness of the thrashing waves. I pray the salty sea breezes bring breath to my loved one. I’ll embrace the kindness that’s been given to me and ask God to bless that soul. I’ll quietly weep in the comforting arms of this most peaceful place near the sun and the sea, knowing it is absolutely okay to do so.
The waves of time…
Andi
Photos: from this beautiful, peaceful place along the Bay
Yesterday, my daughter and I took a long country drive. We drove to a small farming community just for curiosity’s sake. In the middle of farmland were rows of houses, some with white picket fences, and large mature trees dotted the small town. There was a lone gas station and a small community park on the east side of town from where we entered. We slowly drove through town looking at everything but for nothing in particular. I’m assuming there was a post office although I didn’t see one. Maybe it was near the town hall which I did see. Many of the old buildings, in what would be considered downtown, were vacant. This was sad to me. Although I didn’t grow up in Indiana, I do remember small rural towns that were open for business with very few buildings vacant. Old gas stations, small town restaurants, general stores, floral shops, funeral services, machine shops, appliance stores, and mom and pops full of sweet treats. It was about everyone in the community working together to support their little hometown. I guess I grew up in the Mayberry era. And it was grand.
As we drove around we saw signs of youth in the community which I saw as a good sign. Raising children in a rural Indiana is sweet to me. The school is large (we passed it on the way into town) and I’m assuming it supports several of the rural communities. As for the parents, they would need to commute to the larger cities for work as there is nothing in this town to support them.
The railroad was on the west edge of town and there grain could be loaded into railcars. I drove out of town and into the farmland a little ways before turning around to go back through again. I wanted to take it all in. I noticed a second church which I missed on our first run through. It looked like a ghost town on the main street. We stopped at the community park to walk our dogs before heading home. That’s where I found that sparkly little brook I posted yesterday. I really wish I had taken pictures of the town to share with you here. But maybe it’s good to use your imagination with this particular blog.
This morning I washed my bedding and hung it out on the line. It made me think of days long gone. No one hangs their laundry out anymore. I then thought of a home I saw yesterday in that little town. It was an old, but a very well-kept farmhouse with barns and several outbuildings. It was a very attractive property with its well-groomed yard and landscaping. The house with its large, welcoming porch, was absolutely beautiful. I can only imagine the thousands of conversations that took place on that porch over the years as friends and family rocked away in those old wooden rocking chairs while sipping on iced tea. The house and all of the buildings were white with black trim. Black iron posts held an attractive sign that told of the business that was located on the premises. A tradesman. A machine shop. Sadly, this is almost nonexistent now. And to me, it’s like losing an old friend.
I remember old farmers and mechanics working out of their own barns and garages. The smell of oil, gas, and hydraulic fluid upon entering was a good smell to me. I remember seeing the owners with their clothes, faces, and arms greasy and black from their labor. Not to mention the spittle around the corners of their mouth and sometimes dried on their chin. These old men had much to share about life. They’d tell of their worries about the younger generation while comparing them to their own youthful days of growing up. They’d share their fishing tales, talk politics, discuss the tractors and trucks and other equipment they’ve worked on, and once in awhile throw in humorous bragging on this or that. I regret that the youth of today don’t have that opportunity to sit in a garage or old barn and listen to the old men talk. Those days are mostly gone now.
As for me, I’m going to hang my laundry out until I am no longer physically able to do so. I am grateful that I grew up in the time that I did when I was not-so-far from the old days. I got in on just the tail end.
Above is a picture of when I was a teenager and I’m sitting with my siblings and our great-grandmother who was born in the late 1800’s. Not really so long after the Civil War ended. She traveled by covered wagon, mostly through Minnesota, Wisconsin, and the Dakotas. My how times have changed.
This next picture is a six generation family photo. Paul Harvey spoke of this rare event on his broadcast. My grandmother, my mom’s mother, is holding the baby, and her mother, my great-grandmother, is the oldest one in the picture, the same woman from my first picture.
Days of old…not that they were easy days by any means, but what treasures are found in them. It’s hard to keep the memories alive but it would be in our best interest to bring some of the past back into our present.
Be grateful for the days of old for they have much to teach us about life and living. ♥️
For some reason my posts have not been sending to your emails complete. Pieces have been missing. The last post is missing a video. You can see it on the actual site. Not sure what the issue is.
PEACE…It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. ~unknown
I have this quote on my bathroom mirror as a reminder of what is truly important for my well-being. Turmoil in the heart disrupts even the simplest of daily tasks and routine.
Even though we need to be aware and concerned of what is happening around us, and we need to do our part, we cannot bury all the negative in our heart. God didn’t intend for our hearts to be used as a trash bin to store the garbage of this world. The heart is designed to hold peace and love and compassion. Our hearts should belong to Him and be shared with the world; with our family, friends, and neighbors. If we harbor the ills of this world we push out peace. We then become spiritually unhealthy. And that unhealthiness trickles into the rest of our life.
Finding peace differs from individual to individual. Where I find my peace may not bring you the same joy. You may desire to read a book, go shopping, cook a meal, take a drive, meditate, be with friends, pray, exercise, spend time with your significant other, or journal.
My go to is nature. Sunrises, sunsets, the wind in my hair, the sounds of nature (birdsong, spring peepers, crickets, rushing water), cloud gazing, the warmth of the sun on my face, sitting on my front porch swing and watching the woodpeckers and squirrels. These fill me. Certain music can take me to happy places as well. Just find what brings you the most peace and embrace it daily.
Clean your heart out of all that weighs you down. Set aside the worries of this day and know that you can retrieve them at any time as needed. Just don’t bury them so deep that you no longer have room for peace. Peace should be so readily available that no matter where you are or what you are doing, you can easily find it. Fill your heart daily.
Be grateful for peace. Especially the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7). ♥️
When it rains it often seems to pour. Sometimes we have a little black rain cloud hovering over us that we can’t seem to get out from under. I’ve kinda had a little cloud of my own lately.
Yesterday evening, I went for a long overdue walk at a park with my pup, Nyx. It was her first time to walk with me there. This place is pretty special to me. I ran many miles here before my hip replacement. I ran through several pairs of running shoes. I walked many miles too. I listened to my “running” playlist a bazillion times while I thought my many thoughts. Good memories.
What a gorgeous evening yesterday…and today as well. Cold but hardly a cloud in the sky. I spent time thinking and wondering about many things.
Before my walk yesterday, a friend gave me a music video to watch. A beautiful song of encouragement. After our walk, Nyx and I got in the car and watched the sunset while we listened to the song.
What a beautiful song to compliment such an amazing sunset. At that moment I felt peace. The little black cloud lifted and I took peace home with me for the night. You can never go wrong connecting with nature. Nature is an extension of God’s love for us. (If you notice…even the magnificent sun had its own little cloud to contend with. It certainly didn’t allow that little cloud to dampen its spirit. Another lesson…😉)
I encourage you to listen to this song. Maybe while watching a sunrise instead so peace will cover your day.
Thanks to TC for sharing this with me. Music is a gift for the soul. Sunsets are a gift from God.
Thank you for stopping by once again.
Be grateful for the many blessings in every day. ♥️
Winter can seem to drag on forever. Typically, January and February are the absolute hardest months for me to endure. But I have to admit that while January was pretty boring as far as weather is concerned, it actually went by rather quickly. Now February, on the other hand, has been a winter paradise. We finally got measurable snow amounts and although it’s been extremely cold, I don’t mind. When it snows it’s magical. It’s almost like being inside a snow globe or starring in a Hallmark Christmas movie. But when it’s not snowing, the sun has been creating awesome displays. I absolutely love the sky. I have discovered that I don’t mind any season as long as I can see the sky with the warm sun and ever-changing cloud formations.
I have a friend visiting Montana at the moment. I asked him to send pictures that I could maybe use in a blog sometime. He responded with these pictures. In return, I’ve been sharing my winter skies with him.
He shared with me some of his adventures. He used the word magical to describe his time there and I believe it is just that. He also told me this:
If you go out in nature, God will bless your adventure.
Truth.
Today, I’m sharing with you a little bit of my winter Indiana sky and a portion of his winter Montana adventure.
Be grateful for the beauty of winter. ♥️
Andi
Photos: 1 sunrise; 2-4 midday sky; 5-7 Montana pics courtesy of my friend, 8 a fiery sunset
Elizabeth Griscom was a Quaker along with her sixteen siblings. She learned how to sew at a young age and became an upholsterer. Elizabeth knew much about life. She knew what it was to love as she was married three times and she knew much about death as she outlived all three husbands.
Elizabeth was a homemaker and a mother of seven children. She was a successful business woman as a seamstress and she also managed properties. She knew what it was to be a widow with children. Which I’m sure was a difficult time. Elizabeth was a great example of a smart, hard working, strong woman. She conquered, and accomplished, much in her 84 years.
This woman was remembered by her family and friends for numerous reasons as she wore many hats. But we remember her best as Betsy Ross and for making the first American flag.
What strength was sewn into our first flag.
And the strength continues.
Our flag has flown proudly since 1776. It’s gone through many changes to keep up with the growth of our nation. And it has stood the test of time.
The American flag is our symbol of freedom and liberty and justice. It not only represents these to our country but to other countries as well. So much so that people of other lands travel thousands of miles just to be a part of our great land of freedom and opportunity.
Our flag represents the liberties given to us by our Creator, and then preserved by our founding fathers in The Constitution for the united states of America*.
Many have fought and many have died to preserve our flag and all that it represents. Our flag is worn. Often it is tired. But it is resilient. It continues to be held high in times of war. It has been shredded in combat and tattered by the elements. It is saluted by our military‘s highest ranking in all the world and by the youngest of our land as they recite The Pledge of Alliance. Even the most frail shed tears at the sight of our flag.
Sadly, there is a flip side. The symbol of our country is being removed from our sight. There are those who no longer want us to be reminded of the Constitution or the freedoms given to us by our God. So they remove our flag as they argue it is a distortion of justice. And removal is under the guise of giving us more freedom and equality. But to those of us who understand, we know their mission is contrary and that end result will be disastrous for all people, here and abroad.
Our precious flag has been abused by those who have no understanding of its value. Nor do they care to learn. They thrive on discord, hate, and division. Demonstrations that include vile acts upon our flag only show the ignorance of those who perform them. They truly lack understanding. Voices need to be heard, yes. And changes are sometimes necessary but we need to go through proper channels. And we need to do so without causing division or inflicting pain.
The meaning of our flag has not changed through the course of time. Many though have another agenda and are trying to distort its representation as being a symbol of inequality and confinement. Do not conform to this falsehood. Stand up for our country and the values that have been the most honored by all the world and greatly blessed by God.
Our flag still brings tears to my eyes. I understand the need to preserve its integrity as it represents the health of our nation. I know it’s worth. I can feel it’s power. I see strength in the stars and stripes, and in the faces of our military. Strength was sewn into every inch of our flag. And strength still supports our flag through the military (blood, sweat, and tears), and by all of us who value its worth and are dedicated to the preservation of our Constitution. This is what makes America so great.
A salute to the American flag. Let us never forget it’s worth or the price paid for freedom.
Be grateful for all that our flag represents. ♥️
Andi
Photos: 3, 4, 6, my flags after our recent snowfall; 5, my 1st place award winning “color landscape photo” in the 2004 Main St. holiday photo contest, “I’ll Be Home for Christmas”
*That is until the Act of 1871 converted our free America to Corporate America by unconstitutionally changing us from The Constitution for the united states of America to The Constitution of the United States of America.
Indiana is currently a winter wonderland. It’s beauty is far beyond words. You almost have to see it firsthand to really appreciate its beauty.
As I drove to work this morning, I actually wished it was Christmas as the view at every turn was worthy of being a holiday greeting card. No matter if it was a snow-covered field waking up to an early morning sunrise or a snowy city street lined with century old homes and picket fences…every glance I took was picture perfect.
I imagined Christmas lights would look festive in snowy bushes and outlining houses. Christmas trees would be magical twinkling in snow-framed windows. The snow sparkled in the early morning sunlight. The sky was a magnificent blue and the cold air refreshed my soul.
The sunset tonight was soft. That’s the best way I can describe it. The sun was bright orange with a hazy outline, as though it was brushed with watercolor. And the sky was adorned in baby blues, pink, and white. Breathtaking. If we have to endure the season of winter then this is exactly how I want it to be.
I was telling my friend, Matt, just how beautiful this recent snowfall was to me. His response was simply, “just like God’s Grace”.
What a perfect comparison.
God’s grace is beautiful and it is perfect. Nothing can truly compare. But just as this newly fallen snow, this blanket of purest white, covers all that we’ve deemed dirty, God’s grace is poured upon all the earth to cover our sins and short-comings.
Ephesians 2:4-5 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved.
Grace means God’s unmerited favor. Grace is a gift. It’s not earned and we certainly don’t deserve it. God gives it to us because He loves us so very much. Grace covers us just as this heavy blanket of snow covers a brown and barren earth. The only request God asks of us is to love His Son and dedicate our lives to Him. This is how we show our gratitude. In turn, He forgives our sins and offers us eternal life with Him in Heaven.
Romans 3:23-24 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
The road I traveled tonight was peaceful as the trees, which bent slightly from the weight of another snowfall, created a beautiful canopy to lead me home. The view before me was an awesome visual of the purity of God’s love, grace, and forgiveness; the road which leads to Heaven.
Thanks to my friend for inspiring me this week.
Be grateful for the grace of God (and for snowy winters). ♥️
I was ready. I’ve worked hard over the last couple of weeks to study for this class. I had my state exam scheduled and paid for this Friday. I was ready.
But life has other plans for me this week. What, I do not know. I tried to Zoom the class since the storm dumped too much snow for me to get from A to B, but my internet is too slow. I live in the boonies and am offered only one internet service which isn’t all that great. You’d think in this day and age of technology…….anyway, I was beyond frustrated. I had no other choice but to cancel. I cannot reschedule for another 6 weeks.
So after a good cry and a nap, I went outside to try to clear my driveway. That didn’t work well either. My daughter used a shovel and I used a push broom which didn’t work too bad since its a dry snow. But…there’s just too much of it.
So I decided to stop and enjoy the beautiful scenery instead. It really is a winter wonderland today and the sun made the snow glisten. We haven’t had this much snow since January of 2014, which was the first winter on my own. It’s very cold but the sun made me feel warm. Such a welcomed friend. I took several pictures to use for future blog posts. This post, in fact. That’s a another favorite pastime of mine…taking pictures for blog posts.
We don’t always understand the timing of things. I guess we just need to roll with it and do the best we can with each circumstance that doesn’t go our way. Is there a lesson to be learned? Yes and no. If you can pull something from this, fine. But if not, that’s okay too. Life is just life. It’s on a roll all of it’s own. Hey, I could still be in the house crying and believing that life is just so unfair to me but that’s not right either. Nor is it healthy.
I will admit that lyrics from a Maroon 5 song kept ringing through my head.
Every night you cry yourself to sleep Thinking, “Why does this happen to me? Why does every moment have to be so hard?
But it’s all good. I’ll get my class finished and I will do well on the state exam. It’s just not going to be this week. And, hey, I’ve got an additional 6 weeks to study.
Enjoy your day wherever you are. My son sent me directions on how to drive in this wintery weather. He said to get in the car and drive until I see palm trees. There’s an idea.
Be okay when things don’t go as planned. It’s not the end of the world and everything will settle as it should. It’s not always our timing that matters. Have a good cry if you need to. Take a nap. Maybe there’s a better, clearer picture just around the bend. Or, maybe not. Just roll with it.
One very sunny, but chilly winter day I ran to the grocery store. I picked up a few things and got in line at the checkout counter. This was long before there were self-checkouts and at a time when a pandemic was something you only read about in a science fiction book. This particular day was the during the good old days when you weren’t afraid to talk to one another.
I got in line behind an older woman whom I recognized. At first I could not place her. I remembered her kind face though. It wasn’t until later that I recalled that I had seen her at church that I visited often and then remembered too that she had owned a restaurant in town for a bit. My life then was all about kids (six of them) so many people were only acquaintances to me. I had some behind-the-scenes struggles as well that kept me distracted and distanced from others.
This woman’s name was Julie.
Julie talked to me with such kindness as we stood in line. She asked about my family and my many kids. I realize now that my head was wrapped around children and what to make for lunch after church services that I didn’t visit with others like maybe I should have. Julie knew way more about me than I knew of her and she seemed to think highly of me. I don’t know why. We were at different stages in life. As an older woman now myself maybe I’m able to observe more detail in others as well. I also believe she was intuitive enough to see that I had some struggles going on in my life.
As we talked I admired her very colorful scarf. It looked heavy and warm and really soft. I told her how pretty it was. She told me that she had made it and explained how easy it was to do. It was then her turn to checkout and we said our goodbyes. I paid my bill and headed out to my suburban.
As I was unloading the cart into my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see Julie approach me. She said, “I want you to have this”, and she took the scarf off from around her neck and lovingly wrapped it around mine. She then gave me a warm hug and off she went.
I will never forget that moment. I’ll never forget her kindness or her love expressed through a simple scarf. Her warm gesture spoke volumes. She was a great encouragement to me that day and my spirits were lifted. And I realized too that you never know who is watching over you and paying attention to detail. I cherish this scarf and wear it often as it is a reminder that heavenly love walks upon this earth.
I’ve heard that she’s passed away now and that makes me sad. I wish I knew more about her. It was a goal to meet her again and visit. But that’s another lesson for another day. Don’t put matters of the heart off for another day. What she did for me that day no words can adequately express. But God knows. And that’s most important of all. She was an angel sent to me when I needed her. I think of her every time I wear this scarf, yet it’s so much more than just a scarf. It’s love that keeps me warm. Thank you, Julie.
Be grateful for the simplest gestures of love, compassion, and encouragement. ♥️
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.” ~Charles Dickens
a gift from my daughter
The statistics are out there. In the last year people have overwhelmingly encountered isolation, feelings of abandonment, frustration, confusion, hopelessness, anger, and a great deal of sadness. Financial ruin, divorce, and suicide rates have skyrocketed. I spoke with my cousin in Colorado and she informed me that the funeral business is currently booming…but not for the reason you might think. It’s not the elderly dying of Covid. It’s young people dying of suicide and drug overdoses, intentional or not.
Our children and young adults are witness to the horrible unrest in our communities. They are bombarded with many ill situations, not just one or two. They are seeing things we never encountered during our young, impressionable years. They see us adults confused and without answers. We are the very people they look to for security and guidance. They need answers. They don’t feel safe. They feel our anxiety because we wear it on our face and in the tone of our voice. They are masked up and separated from their friends. They see families breaking up. Maybe even their own. They are being robbed of their youth. And these beautiful young people feel the weight of all of this every single minute of every single day. We can’t handle it. How do we expect them to?
The young to the very old are struggling to cope. We have watched our beautiful cities burn and the people of our great land become vile. We’ve witnessed the true definition of ugly. We’ve never been dealt such a bad hand before in our lifetime. Maybe the the oldest generation can remember troubling times in their past. But we didn’t see this coming and it sideswiped us from all angles. How could we have prepared?
Regardless of our opinions and/ or theories surrounding the circumstances of the past year the reality is this: we are in deep. And frankly, this is bigger than any of us. So we need each other. This is the time to come together as a family, community, and country. It is our moral duty to help each other through this unchartered territory. People who have never struggled before are struggling now.
So on the upside…there are things we can do. Listen closely to your friends and family. What are they maybe not saying? Befriend your coworkers and the small business owner down on the corner. Take a meal to a shut-in. Watch a young momma’s children so she can have a few moments to herself. Fill a gas tank. Buy donuts from a struggling baker. Offer to help a student overwhelmed with homework. Play basketball with a group of kids at the neighborhood park. As decent human beings we should watch over and aid those who are facing hardships; even if all we have to offer is a listening ear. We are in this together. Doctors, nurses, law enforcement, and first responders need to be lifted up and supported. Theirs is not an easy task.
Let’s bear one another’s burdens. There is something each one of us can do to help at least one person. Lighten someone’s burden if only for a moment. Connect. Smile. Laugh. Love. Talk. Cry. Reminisce. Dream. Complain. Plan. Hug.
uninhibitedwellness.com
Yes, I said hug. One of the most basic yet, most important, human act of love and compassion. It’s not only babies who need to be touched to thrive. Every single one of us needs to have human contact. And we need this more than ever right now.
If we each made a connection with just one person and lightened a burden, what a difference we would make in this world.
Be grateful for your gifts, your talents, your capabilities, your abilities, and your willingness to lift someone to higher ground. ♥️
Sometimes you feel beat down and just plain worn out from having to work so hard in every aspect of your life. Whether it’s finances, family issues, politics, working on relationships, health issues, or a combination of any of these, stress can knock the wind out of you. Honestly, it can even make you want to give up and throw in the towel. But then you might hear a heart-warming news story or watch a movie based on a true story like The Wish Man, and it sorta puts things into perspective and gives you hope. There is always someone worse off. (Not that I wish “worse off” on anyone.) And there’s always someone who is able to light your way as they share their struggles and solutions. Look for those people. Be a light for someone else if you see the need. My problems are difficult but maybe not anymore difficult than yours. The only difference is mine are real to me and yours are real to you.
We all have difficulties and dysfunctions in our lives. Just breathe. One moment at a time. That’s all you can do.
🎶…I’ve got a beautiful feeling…everything’s going my way. 🎶
our beautiful sun on an imperfect day
I started singing this song yesterday morning when I was making my bed. I had opened the blinds and was greeted by a cheery, blue sky. The sun was bright and warm and I welcomed it like a long, lost friend.
This song just popped into my head and I sang it out loud. But I didn’t get too far into the song when I got to everything’s going my way. I wondered if that was a truly a good thought or not. I suppose it’s how one views it. Right away I thought about how selfish we are as a people. A good day is when everything goes as planned. If something happens to throw off a part of our day, we tend to lose it, and all of a sudden it’s a bad day. Or at least, not a very good one.
Romans 12:12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer…
my white lilac
Should we be wishing that everything goes our way? I’m kinda glad that not everything has gone how I’ve wished. I’ve seen things in my rear view mirror and so glad it didn’t happen the way I wanted. Some things I still wish and hope for because I believe they would be good. But not everything should go our way.
I’ve learned many things the hard way because of getting what I wanted, when I wanted it. Strength and wisdom come from hard things. Many of those relationships and/or things and/or situations went south pretty quickly. I’ve learned to be a wee bit more patient with age.
Romans 5:3-4 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…
my white lilac
Wishing for everything to go our way is a little selfish. Of course, we want to have things go smoothly but that just isn’t how life works. And that’s probably in our best interest. Realizing this lowers expectations and when things do go our way, they are much better appreciated.
James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Jesus never said this life would be easy. In fact, quite the contrary. If everything was perfect on earth no one would work toward Heaven.
Thank you for visiting on a wintry Sunday for a hot cup of coffee. Be grateful for sunny skies on imperfect days. ♥️
Andi
James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
Ever have one of those moments when you vividly recall something from your childhood? A smell, a TV commercial or program, a game you’d play? For me today, it was Raisin Bran. Actually, I was older than a child when this was a staple in our home. I used to love Raisin Bran along with Shredded Wheat. The big squares of wheat. Not those bite-size ones. Maybe they still are available. I don’t buy cereal nowadays. But I sure could go for a bowl of either right now.
Remember the small serving size boxes of cereal that you open up, pour milk directly into the box and waaala, you had a convenient bowl of cereal? Those were fun-size. I only had those a couple of times, but you could eat several boxes at a sitting. A serving size of any cereal doesn’t fill you up at all.
I remember when my brother, sister, and I were very young, my parents went away to the Bahamas. Aunt Judy, my dad’s sister, came to stay with us. One morning, she got our bowls of cereal ready in what are now antique bowls. Fire King Peach Luster Beehive bowls, to be exact. And I have collected quite a few over the years. Anyway, Aunt Judy served us and, yuck….how could Cheerios taste so bad?! We were quiet kids and we tried to eat it but just couldn’t. We tried telling Aunt Judy politely that the cereal was really bad. I remember thinking that she thought we were trying to get out of eating. No. It wasn’t that. We were hungry. The cereal was bad.
Finally, Aunt Judy took a bite for herself. Ohhh! She couldn’t eat it either. And she knew exactly what was wrong. She had used salt instead of sugar. Two spoonfuls of salt into each bowl. She was sure apologetic after that. And we’d laugh about it whenever salty cereal was brought up again.
I have another cereal story which I’m really not proud of. When my two oldest boys were but wee, little men, I once bought Lucky Charms cereal. But…I ate all the marshmallow charms out of the box and gave them the cereal. Bad mommy. 😬 Um…I think I owe them a box of Lucky Charms. I’ll check into that.
Cereal was a big food item over my younger years. There were always cool prizes in or on the box. We sometimes couldn’t wait to empty a box so we could cut something off the back of the carton. I remember getting a couple of 45’s in boxes of cereal. One was of the songs from the Saturday morning kids show, H.R. Pufnstuf. Gosh, I was in love with Jack Wild.
We ate Frosted Flakes for breakfast in Minnesota when visiting my grandparents. Lots of great memories there. And many are food memories.
I loved Wheaties too. What kid loved Wheaties? It was a boring cereal. But not to me. Oh, and I remember loving hot Cream of Wheat and Cocoa Wheats. That was a favorite of mine. I would break up hot, very buttery toast into my bowl of Cocoa Wheats. That was so good! Maybe this is why I cannot tolerate wheat today. Ha!
Well, that’s all I’ve got on cereal this morning. But I’m thinking ‘move over Raisin Bran’. I could go for hot, buttery toast and Cocoa Wheats instead. It’s COLD outside!
Thanks for sharing coffee with me this morning and maybe a yummy bowl of cereal.
Enjoy your day. And be grateful for good, fun, and delicious memories….like cereal. ♥️
Andi
Photos: vintage cereal pics from the web; two of my vintage Fire King Peach Luster Beehive bowls; photo clip of H.R. Pufnstuf, starring my beloved Jack Wild, a.k.a. the Artful Dodger from Oliver!; a pic of myself and my siblings at my grandparents’ kitchen table
It takes a great deal of wisdom to know when it is the appropriate time to use either. And with each, there’s a tag of responsibility attached. Especially when making the decision to speak.
I’m not so quick on my feet. I rarely think of the right thing to say until hours, or even days later. I envy those who can speak and make sense at the same time! That unfortunately is not me.
Whether you speak, or remain silent, those in your presence will draw their own conclusions about what you are meaning to say. Or not say. Often silence makes a bigger statement.
Sometimes using restraint takes a whole lot more self control than just spouting off. But it all centers around maturity.
Once something is spoken, the emotion attached to the words (or the emotion felt by the receiver) cannot be taken back. Oh, you can try as you may to soften the blow, but you cannot erase how you made someone feel even if you try with all your being.
I’ve learned that people willforget what you said. I’ve learnedthat people will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel. ~Maya Angelou, or Carl W. Buehner (This quote, I discovered, is attributed to a few individuals.)
Words backed with anger and conceit can break hearts, tear down what was once built up, crush spirits, cause division, start wars, etc. Carefully thought out words can build up, encourage, unite, mend hearts, and end wars.
Words can weigh a lot. Especially when placed upon a weary heart. Often we don’t even notice the weariness that a person carries.
In today’s unfamiliar and rather taxing world, so many of us have become weary. And for some of us, this may be the first time ever to experience such a roller coaster of emotion. 2020 has relentlessly pushed its nightmare right into 2021 without even so much as a little, tiny break.
So knowing this SHOULD help us to be more compassionate toward others. But sometimes with weariness comes a shorter fuse. People are lit up today. Truth.
So just a reminder to myself first and foremost, and then also to you….take a deep breath. Breathe. Relax your body. Clear your head. Listen to what others are saying. Breathe. Think before speaking. Know when to stop. Know when to sympathize, or compromise, and when to apologize.
Thanks for sharing a late night coffee with me. ☕️
For 30 plus years you have been my friend, Our history goes back to high school, What secrets we share of a jacket to mend, And hanging with “the gang” was really cool.
A walk down the aisle, I was the first, I regret you were not an attendant, Maid of Honor you’d be if I could reverse, Of all…there was no one more pleasant.
Three baby boys came in the blink of an eye, Little blond heads bobbing in a red wagon, Full of questions about who, and the what, and the why, These wee little souls filled our lives with such passion.
You remained my friend through my darkest hour, And in times, when with me, you didn’t agree, You are more beautiful than a desert flower, Always loving, forgiving, and faithful to me.
More babies came and blessed our lives, Oh what beautiful children we made, Our glory in life as mommies and wives, Was worth more to us than any amount paid.
Together we’ve shared, we’ve listened, and cried, We have laughed till you wet your pants, A tongue thru a ceiling, no one was dry-eyed, Together, we’ve no need for anti-depressants.
With husbands and parents sometimes we both struggle, But together we’re never quite really alone, During our life, many hats we do juggle, All that we’ve done will never be known.
Our hardest of times came out of the blue, On a pleasant fall day in September, How did this happen; it cannot be true, A phone call I’ll always remember.
Your little blond boy of not long ago, From a loving mom’s arms was taken, What life did was cruel; what a curve it did throw, A nightmare from which we want to awaken.
Although our hearts touch, in a most unique way, I am helpless in knowing the pain that you feel, The loss in your soul; a dismal dark gray, A mother’s languish impossible to conceal.
Forever together, we will face further trials, Of sickness and loss of family and friends, We’ll look forward to happy times, joys, and some smiles, Of moments we share; our love has no end.
Precious Christmas memories in Anderson Shopping and presents, a yummy cream puff, Movies and photos; just nothing but fun, Our time with each other is never enough.
My life, just how empty it would be without you, You have filled in the crannies and nooks, In my life you have stayed; you didn’t pass through, Our friendship, an unfinished scrapbook.
So on this day, this special day, I wish to celebrate YOU, For all that you’ve given, I could never repay, My expression of gratitude is long overdue.
Happy Birthday to you, my dear Chelle, I wish you happiness, peace, and love, A beautiful woman, in this you excel, I cherish my friend, sweet gift from above.
Today I had a few moments of downtime which I really needed and so appreciated. I put my Andi Do-List aside.
I was drawn to my sunroom. This room was once packed full of green plants and blooming pots. Orchids were my passion and I had many at a time. Now I have just two. This room was such a happy place. A place to relax and unwind. Maybe write a little. A place to dream. A retreat. And then I got distracted with many things.
Digging in the dirt, repotting, pruning, rearranging, watering, etc., was therapy to me. Then the mealy bugs got out of control and I just couldn’t get ahead of them. I had no choice but to remove my beautiful plants. I took them to the fire pit. That was a sad day for me.
But today I am happy to report that the few plants I do have are clean, thriving, and doing very well. It’s amazing how well they’ve done with very little attention from me as of late. Somehow that gives me hope. They definitely gave me some peace today.
DREAM
BELIEVE
HOPE
I’m not going to disagree with anyone who says that the last few months have been hard. They have been challenging. Disturbing. Trying. Depressing. Discouraging. Confusing. It’s true.
But after visiting my sunroom today I realize that sometimes we need to take a step back into a happy place to reconnect with our innerness. You know…that person who’s been left behind; the part of your soul you actually like.
Nature tends to rejuvenate the best in me. It is my hope that you find that special place in your life where you can take that step back and reconnect with your soul.
Snow is falling now and quite heavily at times. It’s as pretty as a Christmas card. The earth looks clean again. My homemade chicken soup is perfect for a snowy night. I am relaxing tonight with a renewed hope of better days ahead.
I hope your day has been good. Sometimes the simplest things are the most perfect things.
IN MY LIFE is a rather lengthy blog, and I apologize. I wrote this almost 7 years ago. It needed tweaking and revising. And I added to it again today (1/27/21) at the very bottom. This is basically a summary of my adult years, and well, since I am oldish, this is lengthy. Again, I apologize. I just don’t know how to shorten it, and I sincerely tried. I guess you could start it with coffee in the morning and finish it with a glass of wine before bed. Or should I offer you an espresso?
IN MY LIFE, I have known feast and famine. I know what it is to not have enough food to feed my children. I know what it’s like to feel ashamed of being poor and being embarrassed when using food stamps. I remember feeling the guilt, as though committing a crime, when a police officer was behind me in the grocery store line. (Some thoughts stay with you forever.) I know what it’s like living in a mobile home with my boys and we had no running water. I know what it’s like to be given two weeks to ”get out” in the middle of December with no place to go. I know what it’s like to live in government subsidized housing. I know what it’s like to shop at Goodwill instead of my favorite Penney’s store.
But then, I also know what it’s like to walk into Sam’s or Costco to buy food in bulk that would fill my extra large pantry and one of my several freezers. I know what it’s like to live in a gorgeous 6300 sq.ft. home, complete with decks, gazebos, 26 acres of woods, and a beautiful waterfall. I know what it’s like to pay off the credit card every month. And I know what it is to lose all of that, only to start all over again. Yes, I do know the difference between rich and poor. But I also know that WEALTH DOESN’T ALWAYS PERTAIN TO MONEY.
my beautiful waterfall 2010
IN MY LIFE, I know what it is like to be thin and to be overweight. I know what it is like to try on clothes and everything fit perfectly. And I admit that by hiding my much heavier body in 3X shirts, I only fooled myself. Knowing firsthand how the world treats (mistreats) larger people, I am greatly humbled. I gained INSIGHT and COMPASSION from that experience.
IN MY LIFE, I have known what it is to be loved, and sadly, how it feels to be hated. I know what it is to be on someone’s “I Hate You/ I Want You Dead” list. I know what it’s like to be afraid of someone. I know what it is to be a scapegoat…the reason for their hatred, anger, and everything that is wrong in their life. On the other hand, I know what it is to love, and be loved, by its many definitions. Overall, the people in my life are the best people on this earth and I am truly blessed. So I do know the difference between love and hatred. I CHOOSE LOVE.
IN MY LIFE, I have known what it is to be given things, but also the anguish of having things taken away…whether it be material, people, opportunities, or situations.
IN MY LIFE, I know what it is to stand alone in a fight for decency in my community. I know what it is to win some, but lose more.
IN MY LIFE, I have had to distance myself from toxic people while clinging to those who understood my circumstance. I know what it’s like to be bullied, and sadly, to have bullied. I have been both arrogant and humbled.
IN MY LIFE, I know what it is to be crippled. But I also I know the joy of having family and friends waving me on at the finish line.
Sam and me 2010
IN MY LIFE, I have been happy and I’ve been sad. I’ve been wounded and I’ve healed. My person has both visible and invisible scars. I know what it is to be a SURVIVOR.
IN MY LIFE, I’ve laughed and I’ve cried. I’ve been right and I’ve been wrong. I’ve been the student and I have been the teacher. I’ve taught my children and they’ve taught me. I’ve slept and I’ve been awakened. I’ve started and I have finished. I’ve succeeded and I’ve failed. And horribly at times. I’ve fallen and I’ve gotten back up…over and over again. I WILL KEEP GETTING UP.
IN MY LIFE, I’ve been praised and I’ve been reprimanded. I’ve been pleasing to God and I’ve been a disappointment. I’ve been forgiven, and I’ve willfully sinned. I’ve had busy hands and hands that should have been busy. I’ve shouted when I should have whispered. I’ve talked when I should have listened. I’ve “tuned out” some too. It’s a gift. Thanks to my kids. 😬
IN MY LIFE, I’ve given and I’ve received. I’ve smiled and I have frowned. I’ve been upside-down and right-side up. I’ve helped others find strength and regretfully, I’ve let many fall down. I’ve grown up, and I have regressed. I’ve been thirsty, and I have been quenched. I’ve been given a thumbs-up and a thumbs-down. I have dreamed dreams and I’ve had the worst of nightmares.
IN MY LIFE, I have given life, and I have heartbreakingly, had life taken away.
IN MY LIFE….. Yes, most importantly, IN MY LIFE, I will continue to love deeply and passionately, because LOVE makes life worth living.
a beautiful sunset at home
January 27, 2021
IN MY LIFE, I know what it’s like to be both PASSIONATE and AFRAID at the same time. I know what it’s like to not be heard or understood. And I know what it’s like to be defensive and speak without thinking.
IN MY LIFE, I know what it’s like to hurt the feelings of those I love. It doesn’t make me proud. And thankfully, I know how to say I’M SORRY.
LIFE is full of surprises, obstacles, hurdles, and pits. But life is really what you make of it. How you react to each of these, makes a strong statement to others about your character. And people are always watching. Whatever life tosses your way, be conscious of how you react because your life affects others. IT REALLY DOES.
LIFE is genuinely good and so worth every effort to make it as grand as possible. Fill all of its nooks and crannies with LOVE. ♥️
One year ago today, I began this blog. The time has gone fast but as I reflect on where I started, where we all started, at the beginning of 2020, the hours, days, weeks, and months were packed full. Our whole world was turned upside-down and not one part of our life was untouched by the events of Covid-19 and, of course, politics. Our lives changed. And in many ways, those changes are permanent.
My blogs varied in sentiment, topic, and emotion. 2020 was a roller coaster of all of the above and my blogs reflected such as I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve. If I saw a downward sloping, I pulled back on writing and gave myself a time-out. But you stuck with me. At least, I hope I haven’t lost you.
Today, I celebrate my personal goal with you. One year of writing. This blog is the 169th post I have published. I have been blessed with 1,566 visitors and a total of 3,718 views at the time of this writing. I do not make any money off my blogs. This is an extension of me. It’s who I am. And I just have to write.
Thank you for still being here. For standing with me whether you agreed with me or not. That says a lot about you. I appreciate the encouragement I have received through private messages. It truly helped me on those many hard days. Especially those days when I wanted to quit. I also appreciate the helpful criticism. It has helped me to discover who I am and why I write some of the things I do. This has been a year of growth. I’m grateful for it all.
I view myself as a passionate person; therefore a passionate writer. I pour my heart into those things which ignite a fire in my soul. Sometimes, it’s too much. I get it. But there again, I guess this is who I am. My thoughts are endless. I don’t seem to find much rest from thinking. I am still a dreamer. I am a healer of sorts. And I love deeply.
Thank you for sharing coffee moments with me. Thank you for listening. I hope I’ve stirred good things within you from time to time.
I am grateful for you, my reader. ♥️
Andi
1st photo: ladyofstyle.com; last photo: in my sunroom
Sometimes life takes you places you never dreamed. And somehow you are not on the same path as when you started this journey. How you drifted onto another pathway is a mystery. Now all of a sudden there are people in your life who take ahold of your heart and make you feel again. Feelings that you thought you’d never experience again or had completely forgotten about. Those people who draw you in make you feel a part of something way bigger than yourself. Beautiful people. That’s who they are. And that’s where I am now.
When I had my will drawn up two years ago, I requested to not have a funeral. I did not want my kids to pay for a funeral that only a couple of people would maybe attend. That’s how I felt. I felt I was pretty much alone, other than my kids and a few close friends. What a difference a couple of years can make.
How did I get on this new path?
Maybe there was a gentle nudge from Above that gradually moved me to another path. Or maybe I got off the path because I wasn’t paying attention. I am sure that a couple of times I defiantly walked off a pathway and into a briar patch as I have gotten beaten up along life’s way and have the scars to prove it.
Maybe it was a combination of both. A gentle nudge into the briar patch because I had lessons to learn. I had a spirit to humble, a soul to strengthen, demons to conquer, and wisdom to gain. That’s probably it.
However I got to this place really doesn’t matter. I’m here now. And I’m glad. I wish I didn’t go through all that I have in life. I wish I didn’t make wrong decisions. But that’s how I learn. Always the hard way. I am grateful that God stayed with me even when I was disrespectful, undeserving, and often, unloving. Especially during those many times when I turned my back on Him. I was angry and I questioned Him more times than I should have. But He knew my heart then and He knows my heart now. I needed to go through rough stuff to be a better, stronger person. And I am grateful that He is patient.
I am very thankful for the wonderful people who have richly blessed my life over the past couple of years. And, really, over the course of my life. Beautiful people. God had a hand in it, I’m sure. He is so good to us.
So maybe sometimes it’s needed to change paths and just not fight it. Circumstances often change as well, and those whom we love deeply, for some reason, are walking a path that no longer connects with ours. Hopefully, paths will cross again to fill the emptiness.
Be grateful for smooth pathways but especially the rough ones for they give us wisdom. ♥️
I just watched a video of the Capitol police gently opening the fence for Trump supporters to walk through. They opened it up and stepped out of the way.
I guess it could be called “storming”. Or it could called a “setup”. Were there paid “peaceful” protesters involved? We know there have been throughout the past year. There could be some evidence of that today as well. We will probably never know all the details of this event. Whatever happened today is unfortunate. My heart hurts for our country. There’s never been a greater divide between the beautiful people of this country in my almost 60 years.
On my way to work every morning for the past year, I listen to one song on repeat for my entire drive. Even when I feel my prayers are not being answered because my heart is in pain, troubles still greet me in the morning, and I am feeling lost, I will still love my God and have faith in Him. Even if He doesn’t remove the pain or hardship from my life, I am His…and no one can take that away from me.
Whatever your prayers, if they seem to have gone unanswered, don’t disregard the presence of God. God is ever present. And He is in control.
Italy, 2012
Today my heart hurts a lot. It has hurt so much over the last nine months or so. Be good to those around you. Love each other because these days are getting harder. Lay your burdens at Jesus’ feet.
Be grateful even when life is dark. ♥️
Andi
PS The song I play on my way to work is “Even If” by MercyMe. Maybe it’s a good song for you.
Intimidating or not, we open a new chapter in our lives today. In our book, these new pages are crisp and unmarked. It is our job to write our own words upon these blank pages as no one else can write our story for us. Today can be a day of new beginnings. With pen in hand, begin your new chapter with a heart of thanksgiving. We have much to be grateful for.♥️
I had so many things planned for this year. I was confident leaving 2019 and stepping into what I felt was “my year”. I can’t ever remember feeling so good about entering a new year. Well…we all know how that turned out. I could write forever about the downside of this year, but I’ve shared enough of that already. It was a hard year for each of us. There’s not anyone who can say that they were not affected by the events of this year. And we each have our own stories.
But…2020 did present some unexpected positives laced between the trials and heartache. I have a better appreciation for simpler things. I fell in love with the outdoors all over again. I became more intrigued with the sky and the vastness of it. It is always beautiful, no matter what the weather, and no one could take that from me, even with all the restrictions placed upon us. I found great peace in nature.
This year I gained a few new forever friends. I became even closer to my children. I cared more deeply about others. I think I became a better listener, and hopefully, a better person; a better friend. I see the hearts of others more clearly…and truthfully, I believe we all want the same things in life. I stood up for what I believed to be right in challenging situations. I’ve loved, unconditionally, those whose lives are more challenged than mine, and was loved in return. I am grateful for these.
Honestly, there’s still an uneasiness in leaving a chaotic 2020 and heading into an already seemingly troubled 2021. But even so, there is much to be grateful for, to hope for, to dream of, and work toward. Just as 2020 gave me meaningful gifts, I suppose 2021 will offer the same. It will be up to me to be observant enough to recognize the blessings.
Be grateful for at least one thing in every single day. ♥️
Today, my Jet turns 36. I’ve bragged on this boy many times over the years. I can’t help myself. I will always be his biggest fan.
I would like to share a little something about my son. Jet has overcome so much as our family life wasn’t as it seemed to many who were on the outside looking in. His growing up years were hard. Hard for all my children. I added to their struggles by my own weaknesses and poor decisions. Yet Jet didn’t allow any of that to steal life from him. He overcame so much and lives life to the fullest. Jet was able to turn adversity into strength and everyday became a lesson; building blocks for the man he is today. His shyness found a voice. Questions led to a stronger faith. Fear became wisdom. Pain was replaced with forgiveness. And tears became smiles.
Today, Jet wears many hats and he would be willing to walk in your shoes for a bit if the need arose. I cannot say enough about this young man. He is a prime example that you can rise above all that purposely meant to tear you down. I am so grateful that God has allowed me to witness his beautiful transformation.
I miss his baby days.So proud of the man he is today.
I love you, Jet. Words cannot express the joy you bring to my life. Happy Birthday. ♥️
Love, Mom
We can learn important lessons through our children. We can learn a lot about ourselves through them as well. Children are a blessing no matter how old they are. Cherish every moment you have with them. I am grateful. ♥️
“I am sitting in front of the beautiful Christmas tree. It is after midnight and the house is quiet. No dogs barking in this frigid cold either. The Christmas tree has a romance all its own now as it appears to be a completely different tree from the one that stands there during the daylight hours. This one is peaceful. Almost magical. And I could stay here forever.”
I think of Christmases of long ago. Back when I was a child. My mom made Christmas such a magical time of year. My children say the same about me now, and I’m glad. It’s a beautiful connection. I’m thankful for my memories with my family during my young years and I’m happy that I have been able to give my children wonderful memories to last their lifetime as well.
My mom sitting on Santa’s lap with her older sister behind. Santa was her daddy.
On December 19th, we would celebrate my mom’s birthday by getting a real tree. We’d set it up in its stand and let it warm up a bit to relax the branches. My dad always put on the lights. Then the three of us kids would decorate it. After that, we would often lie on the floor and watch the dancing lights on the ceiling. Dad would say the same thing year after year, “that’s the prettiest tree we’ve ever had.”
We had an advent calendar that would hang on the door of the guest closet in the living room. It was a Christmas tree decorated with sequins. Below were numbered pockets; each contained a tiny bell on a string and a sucker. The three of us would take turns putting a bell on a sequin and taking the sucker.
Mom played the most wonderful Christmas music from Thanksgiving until a Christmas. The greatest artists of that era. Perry Como, Doris Day, Johnny Mathis, Bing Crosby, Burl Ives, etc. So many beautiful voices.
Looks as though I am up to something.
I remember the fun IBM Christmas parties too. My father worked for IBM and there was an annual Christmas party. We would drink chocolate milk from a carton and eat ice cream out of small plastic container with a little wooden spoon. Mine was always vanilla. Santa was there every year and we received a gift from him. Little did I know, my dad played Santa for a couple of the parties.
When I had children, I went all out. I tried my best to create a magical wonderland in our home. And according to them, I succeeded. That’s how they reflect on their Christmases of not-so-long ago. I collected snowmen too. The kids counted them all one year and although I don’t recall the exact number I had, it was couple hundred anyway.
We had a real tree for many years. It was a joke about how long it took me to find the perfect tree. Typically, it was the first one I picked out an hour earlier. And tree hunting was always during the worst weather. Regardless, it was a good, fun memory. Later, we bought an artificial tree and used that one for a few years. But we missed a real tree, just not the mess.
I kept a Christmas journal and every year entered everything I bought and the dollar amount for each person, every single Christmas for a couple of decades. It’s fun looking back now and remembering those years.
This Christmas was quiet. I didn’t put up the big Christmas tree. I put up the smaller woodland tree.
Only half my kids were here. My grand babies were not as they live in other states. I was unemployed for 2.5 months so I didn’t have the money to spend on gifts. And the kids chose lasagna for dinner. This was all different and I’m not good with change. It was still nice, just didn’t seem like Christmas.
The “big” tree did not get put up this year.
But Christmas is more than snowmen and turkey with mashed potatoes and gravy. It’s about friends and family. Its about giving. Just as God gave us His beloved son, to be born of a woman, in order to fulfill prophesy and save us from sin.
Family time together is what’s most important.
Christmas has so much meaning for me. Christ was born and is alive in my life today. Christmas was a special time for me and my best friend who has since passed away. And I have wonderful memories with my parents and siblings, and now the Christmases, of past and present, with my children.
My dining room, a couple of years ago.
I hope you find peace and love at Christmas time. And that you heart is filled with thanksgiving not only at this time of the year but for always. ♥️
If you want something, or someone, and it’s good and it’s right, you won’t want to let it slip away. Life isn’t by chance, let the blocks fall as they may, or if it’s meant to be it’ll just happen. It’s about working toward, nurturing, and holding onto. One day you may wake up to find that that good and right thing is no longer there for you. An opportunity missed. Or, a love lost because someone else found the time to cherish it.
Be wise. Don’t procrastinate. Cherish what is presented to you. Life. Is. Short. ❤️
I found this in my memories on Facebook and thought it was good enough to repeat in a blog.
December 5, 2019
This morning as I scrolled through my newsfeed, I hardly even got started when I read three lovingly written posts about those who have lost someone special this day. It made me think about time and life and our use of both.
My eyes have been opened to the frailty of life as I have suffered great loss in my own life. And now working in health care I see how quickly things can change from good to bad with those you’ve been caring for and who you’ve fallen in love with. Death happens to the young and old, and every age in-between. Death has no boundaries. It has no knowledge of time, nor does it care.
Sometimes time is on our side and is necessary to mend relationships or tear down bridges and walls. That’s a fortunate thing, so be grateful. But often, time gets away from us. Where has the time gone? I didn’t have enough time. I need more time. We think time is always going to be there. But time isn’t forever. It isn’t promised forever. Not in this life anyway.
Life is truly a vapor so use your time wisely. Always let those in your life know that you love them. If anything were to happen to you, they will never need to question if you did. Let others know how much you enjoy having them in your life. Live like there’s no tomorrow. Be good and kind while doing that. Mend those fences. And above all, love. ❤️
If I threw out a random year, say 1987, you might have to think hard about events that took place during that year. There may be one event that stands out like the birth of a child or a wedding day. But unlike any other year, 2020 will stand out forever. It is a major turning point of our country and of our world. It has seared its brand in our minds and into the history books yet to be written. Life will probably never return to normal although I refuse to accept this as the “new” norm. And I am finding that life is no longer comfortable.
Conflicting news reports bombard us from every media source. It is constant. It is in our face morning, noon, and night. And while I do not want to believe that the overall agenda is to cause discord within every aspect of our lives (to separate us, weaken us, break us), I do believe that it is at this point.
I have great difficulty finding comfort out in public when it isn’t normal out there. I am also having trouble with finding peace in my own home. The reason is that my mind is with me no matter where I am, and currently, it is very conflicted.
So how do we find that much needed peace? Where is our comfort? The answer is the same today as it has been since the beginning of time. God. I cannot offer you anything more than God Himself.
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Isaiah 40:31 But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
I hope you can find peace and comfort, especially at home. Turn off the news. Maybe follow it once a day but far away from your bedtime. Spend good, quality time with your family and friends. Exercise for better sleep. Pray. Keep your mind on good and positive things. Remember that God is (always) in control.
Remember too, that God allows whom He wants to fill leadership roles. He can (and does) use people who are not perfect. He can (and does) use ungodly people. He can (and does) use those who sinful. Who is sinless? Trust in Him.
Psalms 146: 1-4
1 Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD, O my soul!
2 I will praise the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.
3 Put not your trust in princes (**those in high places), in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation.
4 When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish.
**added by me
Continue to look at the beauty that surrounds us everyday. There’s always a treasure to find. I immerse myself in sunsets.
On warmer mornings, I have been enjoying the sunrise with my new pup, Kiara Nyx.
Just breathe.
Be grateful for God. ♥️
Andi
Photos: sunset, November 15, 2020; South Dakota sunset, November 2020, courtesy of my friend, Karen D.; sunset, November 15, 2020; my new pup, pronounced: key ar ah neex. We call her Nyx.
It’s been over three weeks since my last blog. I haven’t felt the slightest urge to write until now which is quite odd for me. But then, what about this year hasn’t been odd.
As we sit here on pins and needles waiting to see who has been elected (or re-elected) president, Covid has taken a back seat. Sort of. Mask wearing is wearing thin. And it’s really hard to remember what the good ole’ days felt like. You know…2019 and before.
I look in the mirror, and wow…what has happened to me? My age is really showing its age. To me, my 59 years looks 70…ish. We’ve lived a lot of life these past few months. And it shows. We’ve stormed through trials that we never imagined we’d ever experience. Things only seen in a creepy sci-fi film or read in a suspenseful, fictional novel. Only now it’s not so fictional.
We used to be able to look ahead and have somewhat of an idea of what to expect in our life. Now I wonder what changes have taken place during my few short hours of sleep at night. It truly is day-by-day living.
As I write this, I am filled with sadness as my once beautiful, bird-filled trees were laid down to rest yesterday. Their time was cut short. The ash borer made sure of that. It’s been a hard year of many changes.
BeforeAfter
But I remember the love in this year as well. The residents where I worked still fill my heart even though I’ve been gone for a month and a half now. Hercules, my German shepherd, taught me about selflessness and unconditional love. The love for my children has grown as I watch them maneuver as adults through their own trials and struggles of this year. They are so strong. And so smart. The mutual love and support of friends is even more precious to me now. And the love of God is ever present in my life as well. Blessings abound.
I think again about my twelve trees and how they housed generations of birds and squirrels, the continual growing and shedding of leaves, the shade given on hot days, and the soothing sound of the winds rustling through them. When I would mow, I’d reach my hand out and touch the bark as I circled them. I admit I am a tree hugger. I’m thankful for them. And I’m sad to see them go.
Nothing is forever on this earth. The last few years have taught me that lesson very well. I encourage you to embrace every bit of life while you can. Especially through these difficult days. Feel the bark beneath your hand as you circle each day. Become a life hugger.
A week before my best friend passed away, she gave me a necklace that reads “Live Life Full Circle”. We need to do that more. I need to do that.
As another day ends, I tend to ponder sensitive things. I will close my eyes tonight with thanksgiving in my heart for all that I am blessed with and for all the trials that strengthen me and (hopefully) make me a better person.
I’m sitting on my front porch swing tonight, but it’s not the same. My buddy is not here with me. Hercules passed away suddenly, two mornings ago. My heart is shattered into a million pieces. I wonder about 2020. I seriously cannot take anymore.
My Hercules was the most beautiful shepherd I’ve ever owned. He was a one-of-a-kind dog. His personality matched mine to a “t”. That is the same with my daughters and their dogs as well. If you drew a line from dog to person, based on personality, we’d match up perfectly. I remember that first day when Herc chose me. He just plopped down in front of me, looking up and wagging his tail. We knew right then that we belonged together. ♥️
Hercules was a scaredy-cat at times which was quite comical, but he could turn it on when he sensed there was a threat. He was exceedingly devoted to my girls and me. He couldn’t stand it when we weren’t all in the same place. He’d go outside with me but would check frequently on the girls inside. Or, he’d pace indoors from room to room making sure we were okay. The first night without him was the first time in the seven years in this home that I felt afraid. He was our protector.
He was goofy, but yet so intuitive. He knew when I had a hard day or was sad and hurting. There’s nothing like petting a dog to make you feel better.
Herc had this issue with the name Tom Brady. We never taught him a dislike for Mr. Brady, but whenever we mentioned that name, Herc would bark loudly and jump on us. It was a curious thing, but none-the-less, pretty funny. He filled our lives with joy and made us laugh. And now, we cry.
Our three dogs: Amber, Crystal, and HerculesHerc was not happy that Amber was on his bed.
As I remember his life, I find myself ashamed of telling him to get out of the way so often, to stop shedding, and stop the whining. I regret the extra car rides and walks we didn’t take. I regret he didn’t sleep on my bed more often. But I love the fact that he was so forgiving and always wanted to be with me. Whether it was to take the trash out on a Friday morning (he knew the day), or lying in the driveway while I cleaned my car, he would jump at the chance to be with me. And he was always with me on my front porch. I didn’t fully appreciate all that until now. And I’m so sorry I didn’t.
I cannot fathom the thought of moving on without him. And I do not want his memories to fade. That morning, my son went to dig his grave beneath a beautiful tree out back. My daughter went out to help but instead they talked. They came back into the house and asked me about cremation. I immediately broke down and said I didn’t want to leave him here when I move. They figured the same. So they took him away so I could have him back.
I never thought I was one of those people. You know…those people who cremate their dog and set them on the mantle. But it appears that I am. And I’m glad. A friend suggested that maybe I am still discovering who I am. I believe he’s right. I am still figuring out myself. I also realize that sometimes there’s a great amount of pain associated with discovery.
Taking a break from cleaning my car
Herc’s bed is still on my floor at the foot of mine and a small tumble weed of hair is in the corner by my door. As upset as I always was about dog hair being everywhere, I’m leaving it. Maybe someday I’ll pick it up. But not today. I grabbed a pair of hairy socks and put them on to come out to my porch swing. I miss my boy. I just want him back. Hair and all.
My heart aches for the dog who loved me with his whole being; whose life’s duty was to love and protect us. He did his job so well.
My takeaway (again) is to appreciate every moment with loved ones (dogs included) because you just never know what day is the last.
As you may know, I’m a mom of six. It was a privilege to be a stay-at-home wife and mom and home educator during a time when it typically takes more than one paycheck to make ends meet. So I am grateful for the time I had at home with my children. When the topic of children arises, I tell people that I was with them 24/7, but it still wasn’t enough time.
Time moves forward, and for the most part, too quickly. Today, another one of my babies is moving out. Charlie is #5 out of six. Let me tell you that it just doesn’t get any easier. Not for this mom.
Oh, it’s time. I’m not arguing that at all. It’s just hard. You try your best to prepare them for….out there. But still you worry. I believe each of my kids know that I am available no matter what. And that’s the way it should be.
My life has been my children. My oldest is almost 38. I was 38 not so long ago. Or though it seems. Time flies. I still long for the holidays when they were young, for the cow chasing days…and nights, and, of course, our classroom days of singing silly science songs, spelling tests, watching the little ones act out The Indian Child poem from Abeka, and listening to anything from Mozart to mountain music as we studied. Our classroom had a beautiful window with a bench seat. From there was a most brilliant view of the woods as we were high up in the trees. Every season brought us breathtaking magazine quality images for us to admire. And squirrels were always a distraction with their daily circus performances. Our classroom was filled with laughter, song, discipline, and love.
Ahhhh….yes. Today is moving day. Charlie is moving out.
I love my girl. She just walked into my room. She said, “You aren’t dressed yet.” “No, I’m not”, I responded. “I’m writing a blog.” I scroll my phone screen up and show her the title Moving Day…and then the tears roll down my cheek while I try to laugh. Our hearts melt together. She’s a good girl. And she knows she’s loved.
So I guess it’s time to get up and do this for a fifth time. I’m both excited and nervous for her. It’s a big step…for both of us.
My girl, Charlie. ♥️
Be grateful for precious times with your children.♥️
Andi
Photos: Charlie, with view of Lake Michigan; a cute little girl; Charlie and her best friend, Amber; a favorite picture of Charlie and me.
Autumn is making her presence known. She is adorning herself with a beautiful array of color. The sun adds extra highlights that change throughout the day. And that brilliant blue sky makes a lovely background. I wish I could tell her to slow down so we can enjoy her just a little longer.
As I sit here on my front porch swing, I realize the need to turn it off. Turn off the struggles of the day, of this year. Turn off the news. Turn off my mind. Soak in the beauty of this evening. Wherever you are, turn it off, and just be.
God designed the world with us in mind. He provided many things within our reach to comfort us and bring us peace. The changing seasons. The coolness of an autumn breeze. The sound of owls in the distance. Even a barking dog. Water rushing over rocks. Crickets. The smell of a bonfire. Turn it all off and turn your senses on. Find comfort in knowing that trials are not forever. They come and go like the seasons. Find peace in your evening. I found mine.
Be grateful for peaceful moments. ♥️
Andi
Photos: today’s photos of the woods, the sky, the view from my bedroom window, and this morning’s sunrise, October 8, 2020.
After the events of the past two weeks, I finally realized today that the world we once knew is gone. You know…the world that we knew in January and February of this year. We can kiss that world goodbye.
March certainly came in like a lion but September went out like a fiery mythological dragon exhaling its putrid flames into October.
We now live in a world of mass confusion, conflict, anger, and depression. These past two weeks I experienced a depression like I’ve never experienced before in my entire life. Depression from being told I was wrong and they were right no matter what…even though I was diligent to present facts. My voice fell on deaf ears. Humiliation was replaced by anger which tightly wrapped depression like a burrito. Anger from basically being told that I had no say whatsoever in the matter. Anger that I allowed them to make me feel I was beneath them. Anger because they took away my freedom. Who are they anyway? Who are they to tell me how to conduct my personal affairs? My eyes were truly opened. I was stripped of my rights within a matter of minutes. I lost wages. I lost days and nights. I was humiliated. I was treated as though I was mentally incapable of making decisions and judgment calls concerning what is best for myself and the people in my life. Then I was just tossed aside like a piece of trash. My life simply did not matter.
Everyday changes are being made to the many changes already made, and massive amounts of new rules and policies are stacked on top of new rules and policies. No one is able to keep up. And I mean no one. Not one person, group, or organization can give you an answer that is consistent across the board. Contradictions are everywhere. And you…you are nothing to them. You do as you’re told and how dare you question anything. Because no matter how much you try prove the error, they refuse to accept truth. They refuse to acknowledge that the system has failed. You are just wrong…no matter what. The only thing that matters to them is your compliance.
We can kiss the world we used to know goodbye.
My advice to you is to not be silent. Even if you hold a position of authority. Don’t be so eager to do as you are told without knowing the facts and questioning everything. Know your rights. Speak up! Take back the power that you so easily and readily handed over because they convinced you that you don’t know what’s in your own best interest. And you believed them! We all believed them! It’s time to reclaim our life.
And one more thing, seriously…get to the polls and vote. Don’t mail something as important as your voice. Don’t put your voice in an envelope. It’s so not worth the chance of someone dumping it along side the road in order to silence you. Go to the polls. We need to make changes to the system. It is completely broken.
They say that all of this is done in the name of humanity. I beg to differ. Lives are being destroyed one person at a time.
The system is broken. We are broken. We need to recognize this and fix it now.
Andi
If I sound angry, it’s because I am. We should all be angry to the point of making positive changes. Don’t use anger for vengeance, retaliation, or for your own purpose. Anger is an energy. Use it wisely.
October is my favorite month of the year. It’s also my favorite color.
View from my sunroom
The air is crisp and clean.
Beautiful things happen in October.
A bonfire is definitely better in October.
The sound of falling leaves is music to my ears.
I dream more vividly in October.
I feel alive.
Romance is in the air.
October, for me, is the beginning of one long heartwarming holiday from now until New Year’s Eve.
Watching the leaves fall like rain, to blanket the earth, is beautiful.
An October sky is more brilliant to me than any other sky.
October is perfect snuggling weather.
Country roads are best driven in October.
October is magical to me.
Beautiful woods behind my house. The sunrise makes it glow all the more.
While some tend to look at October as death and dying, I have always viewed October as preparation for a much needed rest. A peaceful rest for the trees and all of nature. And us.
I enjoy the changing seasons but I love October best.♥️
Andi
Photos: my views this morning as the sun was rising, October 5, 2020
1I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.2 I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
I hadn’t actually planned on writing today but I never quite know when the urge will strike. And it’s better for me to just go with it. I got up when it was still dark and began to write. I moved from the kitchen table to my sunroom so I could admire the lovely fall view as the sun rose. It’s peaceful here.
With several trials at hand, I have recognized the rapid deterioration of my spirit. 2020 is relentless in its battering. I understand more fully the feeling of desperation and I am deeply compassionate of those who have felt there is nothing more. I know there is more. Much more.
Satan will use whatever lies he can get you to believe so you will doubt, and eventually fail. He will use whatever tactics he can to break your spirit; for he knows where to strike. He knows each of us that well. And he doesn’t play fair.
Do not believe the lies.
I am asking that you spend time each day to do a self-check of your spiritual condition. When you compare your spiritual health from January to October, what do you see? I see highs and lows throughout these months but a noticeable decline in the last few weeks. It is better to stay on top before it gets out of hand.
9The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.
When you focus on God and fill your heart with thanksgiving, it is amazing how the bad just doesn’t seem as bad anymore. Oh, it’s there. Believe me, I know it is. And I still have to deal with it all. But I am not alone.
I will set this day aside as one of thanksgiving. I will set my eyes on the One who has ultimate power to fix that which is broken and give strength to the weakened.
Psalm 95:2 Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
Colossians 4:2Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.
Philippians 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Remember too that those of like mind can be an encouragement and strength to one another. No matter how far we are from each other, distance does not matter when we have prayer. Pray for me as I pray for you.
Be grateful to the One who is still in control. ♥️
Andi
(Again, I am not asking for sympathy. We are all in this together. I’m no better off, nor am I worse, than anyone else. I am sharing to help others. And in doing so, it strengthens me. That’s all.💕)
As I get older, and especially through this past challenging summer, I have felt an even deeper appreciation for the sky and all it has to offer. It is ever-changing with its many moods. Depending on the day, the sky can vary in every shade of blue found within the color spectrum. I often find autumn skies to be my favorite hue of blue.
The wind constantly adds direction and shape to the cloud formations. Moisture and temperature in the atmosphere help to dictate the type of clouds we will have that day. Some days the sky is a radiant blue, and cloudless, while on others, the it is hidden by the heaviness of darkened, but still very beautiful, clouds.
Sunrises and sunsets wish us good morning and goodnight, often filling the sky with an assortment of color and design. And the heavens in nighttime are no less amazing. The full moons, blue moons, super moons, and every moon in-between, add an essence of romance to a starlit sky and shadowy earth.
I simply love the heavens with all that is visible, but like the vastness and depth of an ocean, or of the mighty Great Lakes, there’s an intriguing mystery of what is beyond and unseen.
Be grateful for the heavens and that everyday is unique in design. ♥️
With all the hatred in this world, always let those in your life know how much you do love them. Never leave home angry, or go to bed mad. And never allow trivial issues to shadow your true feelings for one another.
Be kind to those you associate with and be extra kind to strangers who come across your path during your day. You never know how much they may need your kindness. Let love and compassion radiate from you as you travel throughout this day. One never knows how this day will end, with, or without, you in it. Plan as though this is your last day upon the earth.
Leave no doubt with anyone about how you truly feel for them. There’s no regret or shame in telling someone you love them. Those words, that beautiful sentiment, positively affect you both…whether you receive a response or not. Everyone deserves to know they are loved.And how wonderful it feels to say it!
God created the world for us. He designed it to reflect His glory. And His theme is L*O*V*E.
Love is good. ♥️
Andi
Photos: pretty flowers in arrangements I’ve made in the past.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
It’s hard to give problems up to God because, honestly…we can’t see Him. We’ve never seen Him physically. He doesn’t call us, send emails or text messages. At times He just doesn’t seem real. And when we are in way over our head, He seems to be even further away. Or, even nonexistent.
I’m just being honest here. Maybe you have felt the same too from time to time. I don’t think we should feel bad when those thoughts arise because we are very human but we cannot let those thoughts linger in our hearts as doubt will settle in. And doubt is our enemy.
When you think things can’t get any worse they often prove us wrong. I’m currently waving the white flag while crying uncle. It’s okay, really. I don’t need sympathy. But what I do want is to encourage you if you are experiencing something similar and find yourself beginning to doubt the presence of God. In helping you, I might just help myself.
God is, was, and always will be. The Bible gives us our history upon the earth in great detail. We don’t always understand why things happened the way they did, but we can see the connections and references between the generations of people from Genesis to Revelation. And that helps to solidify Truth.
Not only that, but God’s handiwork is clearly visible throughout nature. Only a Master Designer could have possibly created all the intricate detail and wonders of this earth. These are gifts and reminders of God’s love for us because we as humans have a tendency to forget. We need to read the Bible too. Enclosed is the beautiful message of hope through His Son, Jesus. He’s also given is instructions on how to keep safe and happy…and doubt free.
I encourage you to lay your burdens at the feet of Jesus and to not be anxious. And I encourage you, most of all, to not doubt that God is who He says He is, or of His divine ability to answer prayer.
Matthew 14:21Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
Mark 11:23 Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.
Luke 24:38And he said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts arise in your hearts?”
James 1:6But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
Luke 13:19 It is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his garden, and it grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air made nests in its branches.
Luke 17:6 And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.
May you see the abundant blessings in this day. ♥️
Andi
Psalm 55:22a Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you.
Photos: beautiful Lake Michigan, June 2017, St. Joseph, North Pier Lighthouses
I was going through some notes of mine looking for inspiration for future blogs. I’m not on FB but every so often I hop on to take a quick peek and look through my memories. Often I can find something that I can use. Yesterday I ran across this mini-blog. 2013 was the year in which my divorce was final and when I moved into my own home. I thought about that year and compared it to this year, 2020.
Goodbye 2013.
You were the hardest, most tearful year of my life. Through the trials and pain though, you taught me many things and although I am weak at times, I am basically stronger. Hopefully, wiser too.
These are only a few of the things I’ve learned:
I have developed more compassion for others than I ever had before.
I am no longer judgmental and/or critical of others for I am no better or no worse than anyone else.
I learned that everyone struggles with their own demons whether they wear their pain on their sleeve or not.
And that no one knows truly what goes on behind other’s closed doors.
I am more fully aware of the things that matter most in life. And they are not material things.
That forgiving is a wonderful release of pain.
Most of all though, I have learned to love more deeply.
I feel pretty tattered and torn but tomorrow is a New Moon, New Year, and a New Beginning. And with it comes New Hope, and much needed healing.
As I read this writing of seven years ago, I realize that all of these things still hold true. And, yes, I’m still healing. Once you step out of the circle you’ve been living in, you can finally see things more clearly. I know I do. I finally see what my family and friends saw from the outside looking in. And I understand now the things that truly upset my best friend, Chelle. Things I didn’t/couldn’t comprehend at the time.
But how does 2013 compare to 2020? I guess in many ways it is comparing apples to oranges. But I think I can honestly still say:
2020, you were the hardest, most tearful year of my life. Through the trials and pain though, you taught me many things and although I am weak at times, I am basically stronger. Hopefully, wiser too.
The thing about 2020 is that this isn’t something that’s happened just behind my closed door. It is not only a personal issue. It’s all out in the open. Every single person is experiencing pretty much the same trials and hardships and stresses. This is a worldwide event and we are experiencing this together. To see video of people in other countries living the same as us is both eerie and comforting at the same time. But this doesn’t mean we don’t struggle as individuals with all the problems of today as the personal struggles are very real.
And even though 2020 is not through with us yet, we should have already learned some heavy lessons.
We should have learned what is most important in life. And it’s still not material things. It’s people. And it’s time. Quality time.
We should be even more compassionate for others as we see people separated from loved ones, and for those who are suffering financially and emotionally.
We should have learned that we need to be better listeners. There are probably more lonely, worried, and stressed out people today than I have ever seen in my lifetime. I always mention we need to listen to what someone is not saying. I believe it still holds true today. Maybe even more so.
We should have realized by now that we need to do our own unbiased research to know what is true and what is not because too many people are preaching too many things.
Love. It sure doesn’t need to be this complicated. Our cities are burning down under the guise of love. Hatred is running rampant through our streets and through their veins. But on the other hand, those who are not out terrorizing our cities and towns are drawing closer together. People are bonding with one another of all color and race. Building up together what has been taken down. There is no difference in the heart of mankind when it comes right down to what really matters. To recognize this is a big plus for us as human beings.
Patience is becoming more of a challenge as fuses are becoming shorter as the year progresses with all the restrictions and confusion. I have noticed that even the kindest people have turned harder and angrier. I guess enough is enough and I can’t fault people for being angry. The fault would lie in their expression of anger as many times reaction has replaced thinking. And, wow…colorful words are now spewing from people who wouldn’t have thought of using them in 2019.
So this year has been eye-opener. Change has been most difficult for me. At the beginning of all this insanity, our situation was described as being fluid. That term was vastly overused but it described our current situation which was, in fact, fluid. But I hope I never have to hear that word used in that manner ever again. It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. I did learn that constant change wears people down. And rather quickly. It creates confusion and mild hysteria. It causes people to be reprimanded today for doing something “old school” which was just the policy of yesterday. Change has been one of the hardest challenges of 2020.
I could go on and on but the reality is this: each year has its own challenges. And some years are much harder than others. But, hey…let’s not overlook the abundance of rewards. There are so many wonderful things for us to find pleasure in and to be thankful for. Human relationships are still the ultimate of all good things. Nature is next with its endless curiosities and beauty. God is so good to us.
What is in store for 2021? Wow, who knows? It doesn’t hurt to get involved with or be proactive in issues that will influence our new year. That is kind of our responsibility to our community and to our country. But plain old worry and over-thinking will only burden us. There’s no benefit in that.
Thank you for stopping by again today. I appreciate you. Coffee is perfect on this damp autumn morning.
Learn from every situation whether good or bad. Be positive and patient. Love one another. Listen closely. Always be kind and forever grateful. ♥️
Andi
Photos: my succulents at home and those I cared for at the florist where I once worked.
Yesterday, I watched an eagle fly low just above the trees. Yesterday, I watched orange and golden leaves dance through the sky until they covered the ground like grandma’s pieced-together quilt. Yesterday, I walked on dusty pathways of a rustic campground and felt one with the earth. Yesterday, I received a letter that pushed the air out of my lungs, and made me cry.
Yesterday, I allowed a bad moment to cast a dark shadow over the many good moments I had. I surrendered my control, my strength, and my happiness to someone else. I handed them over, practically gift wrapped, to the sender of that letter.
As I sit here on my porch swing today, I realize how wrong I was to let something distasteful ruin a perfectly good fall day. That just can’t be. Positivity should always be our focus. Peace, love, compassion, and happiness should out-power most of the bad that comes our way. I admit that it takes discipline. I learned another lesson. Well, I learned this lesson…again.
I hope your good moments outrank the bad. Don’t willingly hand your power or your happiness to another. They belong to you. There are those who need to take your control to make them who they are because they are nothing by themselves. Don’t allow them to weaken you.
Today, I take back what is mine. And I will be content. I will deal with that person as needed but they get nothing more from me. Today, I will look for all the amazing wonders around me and rejoice.
Golden streaks of autumn sun, Shoot through the forest trees, Enhancing every color scheme, Contained within the falling leaves.
A spider’s web hangs gracefully, Created skillfully through the night, Glistening with the morning dew, A chef d’oeuvre of pure delight.
The air is crisp and clean these days, It refreshes my very soul, And awakens a youthful spirit within, Once again…I feel whole.
Grapes adorn the twisting vines, Shades of purple, orange, maroon, and green, This kaleidoscope of color and taste, Beckoning me these vines to glean.
Though I walk alone, alone I’m truly not, For my senses are my friends this day, As I behold God’s awesomeness, In the beauty of this fall display.
October 3, 2012
While I’m grateful for every season, autumn is my favorite. My manager, Sydney, and I were discussing this today. There’s something special about fall. It has a sad, but happy presence. Melancholy. Maybe because the beauty is short-lived. It is the season where everything you feel is magnified, but in a good way. The air is crisp and I, personally, feel more alive than any other time of the year. There are so many wonderful scents of autumn. Piles of raked leaves, a bonfire, a walk through the woods, and hot cinnamon apple cider all leave you wanting more. Romance is in the air too, complete with warm arms wrapped tightly around you, chilly noses, and interlaced fingers. It’s just all so perfect.
I truly hope that you can find time to enjoy this season in all its glory. Don’t put it off because autumn doesn’t wait for anyone. She leaves as quickly as she arrives.
There is a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is a very interesting read and one I suggest to anyone who desires to understand love more fully. This particular book is for couples. It would be beneficial to read prior to marriage but it certainly isn’t too late after. There are other versions for different types of relationships, such as with children, for singles, and for the work environment, all by the same author.
Love comes in all sorts of packages. We are all unique in design, so love is unique. Our needs and desires have been shaped during our growing up years and they will reflect in our marriage. But the basic need for love is about the same for everyone. We want to love someone and we desire to be loved as well. It’s all the specifics that vary. We each bring something different to the table and that can be a good thing. Especially if you are bringing what your spouse needs and desires.
Loving someone isn’t as easy as a fairytale, storybook love. It actually does take work to maintain. Many give up after years of trying to understand their spouse, but always seeming to miss the mark. Some know right away when it’s the right one, because sparks fly. But still it takes dedication to make a relationship work. Knowing what makes your companion tick, and what does not, is a gift that you give to them. This book is a great guideline for you to get started on a more fulfilling love relationship. And you will also learn much about yourself.
Music is a huge part of who I am. The hopeless romantic in me sees a song in everyone. A beautiful song unique in its melody with all its chords and notes, it’s sharps and rests. Learning someone’s song will make your relationship better. Listening not only to the lyrics, but to the music itself, allows you to be more supportive when something seems off key in your love relationship. Listening is crucial. It is the most important part of communication.
Loving someone is a gift. True love is not selfish nor is it blind. Love is patient. Love is giving. Treasure the one by your side. Be grateful you have someone. Learn their love language and sing their song.
I’m so glad you stopped by. It’s always good to see you!
Be grateful for love languages and beautiful songs. ♥️
Once in awhile you might just have to do something that is very difficult because it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes it’s about making several hard decisions all within a short period of time. And that can be both taxing and liberating.
Maybe it is because your heart hurts in the place where you are. It’s about realizing that it is more painful to be in a constant state of hopefulness, when there is absolutely no hope, than feeling the emptiness of walking away.
It could be because morally you can no longer enforce the policies that go against your heart and of the hearts who have been entrusted to your care. Although leaving breaks your heart.
It could be because you realize that those same ever-changing policies that must be obeyed (and enforced) are full of holes and inconsistencies. And by enforcing them you realize you’ve become part of the problem and not of the solution. Meanwhile, many suffer anguish, anxiety, loneliness, and depression under these same policies…all under guise of safety.
Maybe it is because your rights are being trampled on and chiseled away little by little by those who seem more powerful than you. It could be those within a private sector, or a large corporation, and through big, invasive government. It’s realizing you are a pawn in another’s agenda, and that you mean absolutely nothing to them and it is time to regain your voice.
It could be that you are being forced to do something to your own body, for the “sake and safety of all mankind”. And if you don’t, you are labeled as being unloving and uncaring for another human being…which could not be further from the truth.
It could be that your very breath has ceased and you’ve become a bot. Human in form, yet courage no longer runs through your veins. You finally realize its time to reclaim your life.
We all experience hard things. That is a rule of life. It’s knowing when to take action and when to remain silent. It should never be about compliance for the sake of not stirring already murky waters. If it’s wrong, it’s wrong. Even if you stand alone. It’s knowing how you need to live without jeopardizing who you are. Sometimes we have to make those difficult decisions which have the potential to separate us from friends, family, work, etc., for the sake of maintaining our moral values. If a situation doesn’t lift you and make you a better person, it’s probably worth examining a little closer. After all, you have to live with yourself until the day you die.
Love yourself enough to walk away when it’s time.
Love yourself enough to make necessary changes even if it means stepping off into the unknown.
Love yourself so you can love and care for others better.
There are probably numerous more scenarios that could be written here, but that’s all I’ve got today. Life is hard. There’s no denying that. It’s about making the necessary adjustments and changes once you realize there’s a problem.
Thank you for sharing coffee with me on this lovely “almost” fall morning.
Be grateful for when you finally realize the difficult changes that need to be made….and you make them. ♥️
Andi
Photos: sunrise, October 6, 2016; pretty flowers on a nature walk, September 19, 2020
Yesterday after work, a friend and I decided to walk at a favorite park of mine. We are encouraging each other to make better lifestyle choices by eating right and living healthier. This was day two and we added in this gorgeous walk. A walk, for me, down memory lane.
This park is loaded with wonderful memories for me as I used to run it several years ago. My favorite runs were trail runs and I particularly enjoyed running uphill. Don’t ask me why. I ran a 5k through here once. A charity for mental health. That was an interesting run. It took place on an early Saturday morning. Lots of college kids joined in this run as this park is actually part of the university. We were into the run about halfway when I got passed by a college girl. At that point we were up high along the ridge of the old gravel pit. It was only a few moments later when I passed her as she was heaving her guts up and out on the side of the pathway. I continued on only to be passed by her a second time. Again, I found her up ahead heaving her Friday night fun all over the edge of the pathway. Right now I don’t recall ever seeing her pass me a third time but I think I saw her at the finish line. I had to admire her dedication to keep pushing forward under those circumstances.
Down below is what I call the canyon, it gets mighty hot down there in the summer. It’s resembles a southwestern desert, or Mars. This is where 18, or so, turkey buzzards circled me as I ran through it on a very hot summer afternoon. It was a little intimidating for sure. I just made sure I didn’t stop.
As we walked, I recalled the time I was running and my foot tagged a root and down I went. I jumped up as fast as I could and looked around to see if anyone saw me. Well, no. I was in the thick of the woods. No one saw. I noticed my knee and hand were both bleeding. I told myself to “suck it up, sissy” and I continued on my run. I’m sure I looked a wreck by the time I got to my car. I was always pretty good at pushing through all the reasons to quit, whether it was in running or weight training, or whatever.
We walked up the gravel hill to get up on the ridge. This was where I slipped while on one of my joy runs and tore my calf badly. It pretty much ended my running career. The muscle needed to be stripped but that hurts, so I didn’t do it…regretfully. I would have had to stop running eventually because of my hip, but I still had a couple more years where I could have run. Sometimes we don’t make the right choices at the time. I miss running.
It sure felt good to be out there yesterday. The leaves are turning slightly. The geese were enjoying an afternoon swim. Beautiful views. The scent of fall in the air. Friendship and conversation. A good way to end a day.
Thanks for stopping by for a little reminiscing. Coffee is on!
Life can be full of surprises. Some are good and some not so much. Life cycles through the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. It’s a natural progression just like the phases of the moon or the changing seasons.
My downward swing started getting worse as I realized this year was creeping closer to a close. I was feeling hopeless and unaccomplished that none of the things I needed (and wanted) to do in 2020 have transpired, thanks to Covid-19. I told you in a previous blog that I had high hopes that 2020 was going to be my year of positive changes. So far no, but…this year isn’t over yet.
Well things do have a way of reversing order. It’s all a part of the cycling process. And although I may be on a slight upward swing, there are still questions, and perhaps a little scariness involved, and of course, doubt. But it’s all good. (Well, except for the doubting part.) Maybe your prayers are being answered. Maybe a void is being filled. Or a decision is being made. Perhaps a second chance is given. And if your prayer isn’t answered exactly the way you wanted it to be, it doesn’t mean it isn’t being answered. God answers in His way and in His timing. It’s all good.
I have learned a lot this year. 2020 was a lousy teacher but still it taught us lessons. On the positive, we spent more time at home with our families. People began to be more creative with their time. We realized what’s most important in our life. On the negative…well, I’ll just leave that alone. We are all aware of the negative lessons of this year. My scale is one indicator.
I am seeing some light and it’s a welcomed sight. I have hope. I know God has a plan for trusting and obedient hearts. Even if my long “to do” list isn’t all checked off by New Year’s Eve, I’ll be happy for one or two check marks anyway. And it’ll be good.
Being positive can often be difficult when we feel so beaten down. It’s something that takes work and much effort. Even on the most trying of days, when we’d rather wave that white flag and lie there in a heap on the floor, we need to practice being positive. Practicing patience isn’t a bad idea either. 2020 has taught us much about patience. Me, anyway.
Yesterday, while I was working in my yard, I paused to watch this butterfly. Nature has a way of slowing us down and that’s a really good thing. I snapped pictures of this beauty and took a closer look at the intricate detail on its wings. That didn’t just happen by accident. The greatest of all artists painted these wings in His glory. We can look at these as beautiful little reminders that God is ever-present. No matter what part of the cycle we are on, the upswing or the down, God is all around us. Trust in Him.
Be grateful for the beauty of a tiny, thin, stain-glassed wing sitting on a flower which causes you to pause for a moment or two.♥️
Rules have been around since the beginning of time. First of all, nature was created by God and given cycles, boundaries, and rules. The sea and all that it holds, the birds of the air, and every creature that walks the earth are bound by rules. Their inner workings are all controlled by cycles. These rules and boundaries are to ensure that all species survive and flourish.
We, too, were given rules, cycles, and boundaries as well. All of these were designed for our protection. We have written and unwritten laws based on morality, which ultimately came from God.
Breaking laws, jumping boundaries, and interfering with cycles causes unique and specific consequences. Most of which are unpleasant. The world and all it contains is as intricate as the fine tuning of a clock. Everything needs to work together…or well, it doesn’t work. Sadly, many of our cities today are examples of broken rules, laws, and boundaries. Rules are designed for some type of order so we can exist and grow, and live peaceably with nature and each other.
Some rules can be fun and goofy. For instance, this was my FaceBook post on September 1, 2013:
Okay…..so I’m not a canoer. I admit it. I did learn the first two basic rules in canoeing though.
Rule #1: Do not wear dark printed underwear under light-colored, light-weight pants.
Rule #2: Do not kick water onto your seat as you get into the canoe.
I broke both. **********
Rules are always going to be here. There are no winners in bucking the system. God has His rules for us too. We can’t change a single word He’s written and we can’t change His mind. If He felt strongly enough to include His specific thoughts for us to obey in His Word, we can be pretty sure it’s for a good reason and for our benefit.
Rules. They are everywhere. Unless human rules go against God’s word, or against our own written laws, we need to obey them.
Moral rules: Love God. Love one another. Don’t intentionally hurt someone, mentally or physically.
I believe every person has potential to do great things. We need to check our hearts periodically to make sure we are a part of solutions and not of the problems.
I am so very happy you are here and I hope you come back to visit whenever I post. The coffee will always be on.
I am grateful that God gave us a blueprint for order in our lives. From marriage to raising children, to our positions in the family unit, to our jobs, and even to our government. The moon and stars, the earth, every planet, and the sun were perfectly placed and all obey His rules as well. Be grateful for God’s design. ♥️
Andi
I apologize for my absence. I saw my writing was going in a direction I did not like but I wasn’t mentally able to reign it back in. I am beginning to rise above and I do feel better. 💕
Photos: our nature walk on September 11, 2020; me, wet hair and in my favorite wardrobe…men’s oversized flannel shirts 😬
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written. And I apologize to those who have sent encouraging messages for me to continue. But frankly, I lost something.
Me.
I won’t bore you with details. But just know that I am coherent enough to realize that I am nearing rock bottom and I need to help myself. I’ve been here before.
When you can no longer make sense of anything, when tears are your constant companion, when your body is becoming weaker, heavier, and less healthy, and when depression is your constant shadow even on cloudy days, you know you have to take some type of action. So I took just one small step in a positive direction.
Autumn is my favorite season. These first signs of autumn excite me. I feel more alive in the fall than any other season. My senses are more intense. I have beautiful connections of heart this time of year. I have better clarity of mind. And my soul finds its peace.
It is my time of reflection.
As this insane year comes to a close, and I begin to reflect, I realize that everything I hoped for, envisioned, dreamed of, and planned for 2020 was nullified because of political hatred and an agenda that used a virus (with an almost 100% recovery rate) to stop our lives, ruin us financially, but most importantly tried to break our spirit. And I have to say that I am a different person because of it. Yes, I learned much from this year, and in many respects I am a better person. But…I will admit that I have suffered brokenness. And it’s taken it’s toll on me financially, emotionally, and physically.
But lately I’ve noticed that I haven’t been feeling well physically. I have gained weight since March when all this madness started as I am an emotional eater. Intense stress will throw off hormones and cause you to gain weight. Overeating healthy foods can still cause you to gain weight. Throw in sugary comfort food periodically to fulfill cravings, and waaala, clothes start to feel tighter. So with this being said, two days ago I bought myself blood glucose monitoring kit. I am testing myself to see where my blood sugar levels are. My levels are not really all that bad but not where I want them to be. So now I have goals to shoot for. Goals that I can control. That means I need to eat better and more rationally, and exercise. Anything to make me feel better at this point.
Will I stress eat at times? Probably. But I won’t look at it as failure. I will look at it as steps still taken in the right direction because that is where my mind is. My mind is on the right track (now) and my body just needs to catch up. It’s about being kind to yourself. Forgiving and loving. Be aware and attentive to your needs. When I think about all this body has gone through, and done for me, and how it still allows me to accomplish the things I need (and want) to do, I am grateful for it. Oh, it will never be perfect (whatever that is) but it’s mine and it’s given me a good life.
Reflection is so very important. It helped me to see that I was in a desperate place. We can use it to evaluate where we are currently and where we need to be. Autumn is a fine place to start reflecting on your life and how the year has been so far. But know that reflection doesn’t always pertain to evaluating your life and determining changes that need to be made. It can be heartwarming remembrances of loved ones and times that are no longer. Reflection encompasses so much more than just self-improvement.
I was losing myself rather quickly but I’m finally back in the driver’s seat. I guess I should say that I’m finally sitting upfront next to the Driver. I’m not sure where or what God has in mind for my life, but this was something I had to do on my own because I saw it.
I hope you find autumn to be your time of reflection. Find peace and solace in nature as it begins to wind down after a long hot summer. There is so much beauty in this season. Just be.
Enjoy the first signs of autumn. There is still so much more to come. Be grateful for the ability to reflect and to make necessary changes, if there is a need. ♥️
Andi
PS As far as writing, I can only say that I will write when I can. I feel so distanced from it currently. Hopefully, though, they will be worth the wait. ♥️
PHOTOS: 1, Denae’s colorful harvest, August 29, 2020; 2-4, on a country walk, August 19, 2020; 5, sunrise, September 4, 2020; 6-7, sunrise, September 5, 2020: 8, beautiful sedum, September 5, 2020
While there are many horrible things going on in our country, both natural and sinister, we need to find something to be thankful for.
Blessings and treasures can be found in even the smallest things around us. Keeping life simple during hard times is probably a good thing. The big picture is sometimes too hard to comprehend and overwhelming. It is for me anyway. So this blog is a note to myself.
Laughter with friends, a sunflower, a hug from a grandchild, holding hands with an elderly person. The sun and clouds, the hot summer breeze. A plan that came together. A phone call to a loved one. Even in the beauty of a young praying mantis.
Do your part today to make your corner of the world beautiful. Look for the blessings because they are there. They are everywhere.
Thank you for coming by today. So appreciate your visits!
Keep life S I M P L E !
Be grateful for the small things in life. They make life big! ♥️
Andi
Photos: my sunflower; Grandpa with his granddaughter and great-granddaughter; praying mantis
I opened up my Bible and it opened to James 1. I didn’t pay attention to where it opened as I closed my eyes and tried to find the concentration I needed to spend quality time with God. I am still struggling with that.
I opened my eyes and looked at the lovely view from my swing…and the antics of 4-5 woodpeckers who were screaming at each other on the dead ash tree. I asked God to clear my head so I could concentrate on Him. Only this crazy mind of mine began to race. The harder I tried to concentrate, the more my mind wondered.
I thought about my trees and the cost to have eleven of them taken down as ash borer killed them all. I thought about work and that I still haven’t found another job…and how am I going to make it. I thought about my six children, my relationship with each, and their individual needs. I thought about the cruel things happening in our cities and country and how afraid that makes me. And then of course, I thought about how I don’t want to do this life alone without a companion. How I need someone to hold me on hard days. A best friend, companion, confidant. Someone who doesn’t leave.
All these things popped up in my head within seconds and swirled around in my head like frothy water at the bottom of a falls.
And again, I asked God for clarity of mind to focus on Him.
Please.
I finally looked down at my Bible. The first thing I read was verse 2.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
Okay. That was fast. Thank you, God.
I read further. Verse 5.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
Wisdom. I should be asking for wisdom.
Verse 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
Verse 7, 8 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
I will focus on these verses today as I ask God for wisdom, clarity, direction, and guidance.
I’ll close blog with this beautiful verse of encouragement.
Verse 12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
A situation that requires something be done a certain way because one believes it is the only right way. -Merriam-Webster Dictionary
Sometimes we are faced with a harsh reality which forces us to make a decision based on a matter of principle. It isn’t something I’d call fun. I know that I don’t get enjoyment out of making these decisions as they are often very difficult. But we make them because we believe it to be right, and often there is a moral value attached to it.
Consider each difficult decision and measure the pros and cons accordingly. Do not sacrifice your morals or principles to keep something the way it is out of fear. If a situation warrants a change, then you should do it.
Decision-making isn’t my strong point. I’ve lost and won. I’ve been challenged. I’ve been right. I’ve been wrong. A lot. I’ve lost friends, and I’ve gained some too. Not making decisions often means that someone else, or a condition, will end up making the decision for you and that may, or may not, be cool. It’s best to take charge and make decisions with things in your control.
If you make a bad decision, learn learn learn from it. Don’t beat yourself up. Get back on track and deal with the results the best way you can. It happens to all of us.
Thanks for stopping by for a quick cup of coffee. Be grateful God has given us principles and morals to guide us in decision-making. ♥️
This week I’ve had difficulty focusing on scripture. My mind has been a whirlwind of thought with a touch of anxiety. I read the Bible but nothing makes sense as I drift from verse to verse. It’s like looking into a bowl of alphabet soup (do they even make that anymore?) and the letters float around independently of one another. No rhyme or reason. Just floating aimlessly. But still I tried to force myself to concentrate which caused only more frustration and anxiety. I would get angry at myself for not being able to concentrate. And then I began to doubt my own Christianity. (Another power walks this earth. Don’t give in to doubt.)
This happened on Friday morning for the umpteenth time this week. I finally just closed my Bible and shut my eyes. I felt the early morning breeze on my face and in my hair. I heard the sounds of crickets. A lot of them. I opened my eyes and saw the lovely morning in front of me. I have tall ash trees in my front yard. Most are dead now, but they are still home to the woodpeckers and squirrels. This view is my favorite view from my front porch swing. The breeze blew through the tree and moved each leaf independently. In the early morning sun, the whole tree looked as though it was twinkling.
Next to it, a couple of woodpeckers sat at the very top of the dead ash tree. One of them would hammer away at that old tree for its breakfast in-between their very loud conversation. Woodpeckers are quite noisy. There were no human sounds. No cars, planes, trains, or mowers. Unusual. Only nature sounds. And I thought to myself that maybe this was all I needed to fill my spiritual needs at that moment. The books, chapters, and verses weren’t coming together, but my senses were filled with God’s glorious creation. And it was soothing to my soul.
1 John 3:20b God is greater than our heart, and He knows everything.
God knows every single thing that is happening in our country and in our world. The good and the bad. He knows the truths and the lies. The beautiful and the ugly. He knows what is going on in my own life and all that weighs heavy on my heart. He knows all the reasons why I cannot concentrate. I believe that is the reason I closed my Bible and shut my eyes. I needed a little timeout. When I opened my eyes I was in a different place spiritually and that was more helpful to me than fumbling through scripture making sense of absolutely nothing. He knows what we need and when we need it. I needed something simple to calm my mind. Simple can still be very spiritual. I was grateful for this moment. It was a gift from God.
Be thankful that God is greater than our heart, and knows everything. ♥️
Andi
Photos: the view of my trees and of a woodpecker, August 17, 2020 (not taken on that particular Friday morning)
…you just need to treat yourself to a little something fun. After feeling somewhat deflated (almost embarrassed) for not getting that job I recently applied for, a medium twist cone perfectly dipped in chocolate, made me feel a tad better. I don’t think I’ve ever had a more perfect cone than this one. I couldn’t help but admire it before taking that first bite. And my girls…ohhhhh, they’d be so proud of me as I only got a tiny bit of ice cream in my hair this time, and a wee little smudge of chocolate on my shirt. I find that pretty amazing. It can be an adventure eating with me. If you dare to, you might consider bringing a cheap flea market rain poncho with you. You know…just in case.
Go out and get yourself a twist cone dipped in chocolate before your favorite ice cream stand closes for the season. It’s coming up fast. Next visit…pumpkin ice cream. Mmmmm. (Well…I say that now but at the last minute I know I’ll order my twist dipped in chocolate…again. That’s just what I do.)
Be grateful for soft serve ice cream dipped in chocolate on a warm summer afternoon. ♥️
When I write a blog, I write with my whole heart. I think I’m pretty transparent. I do this not because I am wanting sympathy or a pat on the back. My desire is to connect with the real you, so therefore; I will be real. And if we find we have something in common, how wonderful is that? Then we know we are not alone on this planet.
A few weeks back I wrote a blog called A Fork in the Road. I believed that a fork was beginning to narrow and the path becoming clearer for me to see direction. Well, today while I was on a much needed nature walk to clear my head and take pictures for future blogs, I received a generic email to let me know that I did not get the job I’ve been hoping for. It’s been three weeks of waiting and praying. The news ended my walk and I found an old bench to sit on. Maybe I am old school, but a personally addressed email, or better yet, a personal phone call, would have made this a teeny tiny bit easier to take. Needless to say, the tears of frustration fell like rain on that wooded pathway.
How should I feel about this? I know my age is now a great factor out there in the hiring world. I feel trapped. Vulnerable. Inadequate. Quite sad. Let down. Scared. And…I’m back to having all the many forks in my road.
I will tell you that I’m not mad at God but I’m not understanding His will at this point. I’m feeling pretty lost. Maybe even more so than before. I wish I could understand.
I will continue to ask God for direction in my life. I will continue to surrender all, as difficult that is for me. I will continue to love, praise, and honor Him. I will continue to hope. Maybe He protected me from something I cannot see. I will need to trust Him on this.
But today I’m letting the tears fall. And there are many. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thank you for listening to me. Coffee is good even in the late afternoon. I hope you are enjoying our visit. Now please hand me a Kleenex. 🙂
Be grateful for blessings seen, and those unseen. Maybe this is a blessing. I need to believe that it is. ♥️
My morning ritual of coffee and time with God has become very important to me this summer. I will miss these early mornings on my front porch swing when winter arrives. Today as I read through 2 Peter, my heart found the words to this blog. I’m thankful for the inspiration as sadly, my muse is MIA. For now, my inspiration comes from the Bible.
All my life I’ve been different. Even as a young girl I felt different from my family. Not necessarily like a black sheep. I just never felt like I fit in. And I really didn’t. I was awkward. I didn’t get the jokes. And I was taken more seriously. I was deeply drawn to God at a very young age. We would play church and I would be the preacher and song leader. We were raised Catholic. Sort of. We weren’t strict Catholics by any means. I had my first communion but never went to confession. Had I done that, I probably would have had to move into a confessional. Not that I was a bad girl per se, but just knowing the way I think (overthink), I would have over-analyzed every thought, every action, and turned it all into sin. And I would have thought that confessing to a priest was the only way I could get to heaven. So I’m glad I didn’t grasp the whole Catholic confession thing at that age. I left the Catholic Church in my mid-teens and became Lutheran when I got married at 19. Eventually, I became just a Christian.
No matter where I was in life, or what I was doing, I always believed. Even when I understood nothing. I have no idea when I first heard of Jesus. Maybe it was when my mom shared the Christmas story with me. But from day one, I believed. And I had to know Him.
I had within me a flame of determination to find God…and I kept searching until I did. I asked those in respected places questions they could not answer. And I had a boatload of questions that needed answers. So I kept searching. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I’ve gained a lot knowledge and insight along the way. And even after finding God, I realize that Christianity is a continued journey of self-discovery, of learning and growing, of obedience and submission, along with daily challenges of His will vs mine.
My story has been filled with highs and lows but is really no different than yours. Situations are different, sure…and each of us is unique, so the way we handle things vary. There were times when I was a very strong Christian. And then there were very low times of me testing my independence. But I always knew He was there. Always. Never have I doubted or disputed His existence. Have I denied Him like Peter did? Yes, I have, and shamefully so. But never His existence.
With all this being said, I cannot possibly imagine the emptiness and the loneliness of not believing in God. Actually, I cannot comprehend life without Jesus. Even before I knew God, I believed. I knew He existed. How does the mind (and heart) write off God as nothing? Nonexistent? How does one believe, and then later, not believe? I have never not believed so I can’t go there. I just can’t.
What would be our purpose upon this earth?What would give us hope? And what would fill that empty place in our soul if we chose not to believe in God. Why would we even have a soul?
Such an emptiness…I simply cannot imagine.
I don’t even want to try.
I know loss and emptiness. I know rejection. But without God…none of these compare.
This week I ask that you to focus on the existence of God. Believe with all your heart that He is real and that He is ever-present. Because He is. We need Him now, today. And He desires for us to come to Him in our joy, and in our sorrow, in our strength, and especially, in our weakness.
Our God is amazing.
I enjoy and appreciate our coffee time together. Sadly, my reader numbers have greatly declined in the last few weeks. Maybe because it’s 2020, the year of real life sci-fi. (It’s no longer fiction, baby.) Maybe because I’ve changed and it’s affected my writing negatively. I don’t know. Probably a combination of things. But the private messages I’ve received have encouraged me to continue. Even though my readers are few, my blogs matter to them. And I am thankful.
God exists.♥️ Be grateful for that.
Andi
Photos: one sunset, different angles, August 13, 2020, (Instead of a storm chaser, I was a sunset chaser.)
As hard as it is for me to not just let loose and give my opinion on all that’s wrong in this country, I will not give in to that today. And hopefully, not tomorrow either. Or the day after that. But what I will do is give you passages from 1 Peter concerning our conduct when faced with adversity, of which, there are many. I have a tendency to get riled quite easily with all the frustrations of today’s world and, truthfully, it solves nothing. You cannot expect to be heard when yelling over the yelling, even if it’s in written form. And lately, everyone seems to have something to say.
I randomly opened up my Bible to scripture I really needed to hear. (I love when that happens.) I know there’s quite a bit to read but I tried to narrow it down the best I could without taking away from the message. These passages are crystal clear as to how we should conduct ourselves as godly people.
1 Peter 2:13-24
13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, 14 or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. 15For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people.16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. 17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor. 18 Servants be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. 19 For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. 20 For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. 21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.
1 Peter 3:8-17
8 Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. 9Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.10 For whosoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; 11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” 13 Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? 14But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled,15 but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, 16 having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame. 17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.
1 Peter 4:14-19
14If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you.15 But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. 16Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. 17 For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 And if the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” 19Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
1 Peter 5:6-11
6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 11 To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
In most conflict, we can be firm yet respectful. It is possible to be angry without sinning. This is where self-control comes into play. We can’t fight on the same level as evil people and expect to be pleasing to God. There’s no logic (or hope) in that. And we certainly cannot criticize or condemn if we are acting the same.
I encourage you to reflect on your reactions to things, written or spoken, that are contrary to what you believe to be truth. How did you feel initially? Think before responding. I’m not suggesting that we tuck our tails and run, or that we hide our head in the sand, or that we don’t protect ourselves and our families. But we do need to handle every situation with some sort of dignity. There are many who argue solely for the sake of arguing. Some will cross lines, push you past limits, and try to break you. Keeping the pot stirred is their goal to divide us. And their tactics are often cruel. Be better than that. There’s a great war going on right now between good and evil. We are suffering battles on a daily basis. Let the good prevail in you and give God the glory no matter how large, or small, your battle is today. Even if you feel your battle was lost, yet you remained steadfast, it was still a win in God’s eyes. Ask for guidance and take things one day at a time, one battle at a time.
It is my intention to expand upon the biblical topic of government in a future blog. Hopefully, it will come together so we can learn more of God’s expectations for us.
Be grateful for unity in Christ, for godly instruction, and for battles won in His name. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Cataract Falls (upper), August 12, 2020, a lovely afternoon spent with Grandpa
As you travel through life you encounter many twists and turns. For awhile you may be quite content and then other times are filled with turmoil. How do you view the place you are currently? Do you feel you are outside looking in and wishing you were inside with the others?
Or are you maybe on the inside looking out, feeling trapped? Are you envious of those on the outside who seem to be living the dream?
Honestly, I feel both of these. How that is possible, I do not know. I feel I am looking in at other’s lives and I desire some of what they have. Not in an envious way. I try to be mindful of that. I certainly know that no one’s life is perfect. And I know that comparing myself to others will only bring discontentment. There will always be those who run circles around me and then some who trail behind. I’m very blessed indeed, but I am missing pieces that are important to me. There is a longing, and an emptiness…my own dreams and goals remain unfulfilled.
I’m also on the inside looking out at the lives of others. So many people seem to accomplish so much more than me in the same allotted time frame. They make work look easy…and they make things happen. Sometimes I feel trapped, like a caged animal. I have the dreams, I just don’t seem to have the know how or means to accomplish them…and life is fleeting. So I remain restless and anxious.
I know that God sees my life and all the broken paths behind me that I’ve stumbled through. And I see now that He was always there to pick me up even when I didn’t realize it…or deserve it. He sees the many forks in the road ahead of me as well. And as I put more faith and trust in Him, I know He will provide exactly what I need in this life. He will answer prayer, one path at a time. I will still continue to dream my dreams. And I will hope. Nothing I desire is impure or impractical. And in all things desired, I would be able to give God the glory.
But in this moment while I wait for direction and answered prayer, I must find contentment. Contentment is wrapped in patience. These work together for peace. The secret to getting through hard times, good times, all times is living in Jesus who gives us strength.
Philippians 4:11-13 11Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
May peace find you today and comfort your soul. May you enjoy life from both inside and out.
Be grateful for open doors. ♥️
Andi
Photos: my grand puppy, Sam, and Little Debbie; Baby Sam congratulating me after a race; Me and Sam, when I could still pick him up. ♥️ Photo credits go to jetkaiserfilms and other family members.
I woke up with nothing to write. I didn’t even plan to write my weekly Sunday blog as I’m taking time off.
But then I started making coffee…
My mom loved coffee. Absolutely loved coffee. Me too. And I miss having coffee with my beautiful mom. She passed away five years ago today. It was on a Sunday too, just like today. She took a nap after lunch and never woke up again. I imagine she had a cup of coffee with her lunch.
Mom wanted to be cremated and she told us kids that she wanted to go to a beautiful place to rest in the Chiricahua Mountains in southeastern Arizona. She didn’t have a particular place chosen but I found Sugar Loaf Mountain and thought it would be perfect.
But nearing the end of life, she wanted to go home, referring to Minnesota. Mom suffered from vascular dementia so the last couple of years of her life were extremely difficult for her, and heartbreaking for us. Especially for my siblings who lived near her and had to make decisions and judgement calls on her behalf. We knew that she wanted to go to Arizona before dementia moved in, but in the end, she just simply wanted to go home.
When I think about where is home to me, I’m really confused. They say home is where the heart is. In that case, my home is scattered among several states and even in another country, as my kids are all over the place. Is home for me where I grew up? Or is it in another state where I finished school, made good friends, married, and had two children? Or is it here, after another move, a second marriage, four more children, and where I raised all six of them? The home I live now doesn’t really feel like home. Oh, after a long day, a hard day, or even a good day, I want to come home. But this house does not hold the ties of home in my heart. It’s been difficult here since my divorce, and with the kids moving away, so I could leave this house and it’d be okay.
Last night I talked to my friend, Judy, in Tennessee. We were best friends for many years. We’ve been together since kindergarten. We lost each other 22 years ago but finally reconnected this summer. I asked Judy where home is to her as she also moved far away from where we grew up. She said that home is wherever her husband is. They married when she was 17. Considering we are 59 now, I’d say that pretty amazing. I’d call that home too.
I shared with her that my heart sort of feels homeless and is restless, as I don’t know where I belong. She said she understands how difficult that is, and of course, she’d like for me to find my home in Tennessee with her. (Gotta love her.) I do have hope that I will feel at home again someday. Wherever that may be.
As I reflect on this topic of home, I can’t help but think of our eternal home. It will be one of two places. Preferably, I’d like to be with Jesus. As I place more trust in God, I am becoming increasingly closer to Him. And that is peaceful. Letting go of my control and handing it over to Jesus hasn’t been easy but I definitely feel burdens gradually being lifted. I feel somewhat freer. I realize now how distant I’ve been from Him, and I am grateful for the opportunity (and time) to find my way back.
Through scripture we know that Jesus has gone to prepare a place for us in heaven. It will be more beautiful than we could possibly ever imagine. And there, we will won’t feel lost or restless, as I do now. We won’t wonder we where home is. We will know. And it will be perfect.
John 14: 2,3 2In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.
1 Corinthians 9:2 But, as it is written, what no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.
We’ve decided to take Mom back home to Minnesota. We have no memories with her in Arizona as she visited there without us. We have many memories with her in Minnesota where we spent a big part of our summers when growing up. I think she’d be really happy with our decision.
My hope is that her final home is heaven. I am neither the judge nor jury in the matter of salvation, so I will not usurp authority over God’s, as I have no authority. I don’t pretend to know the intimate relationship between anyone and God. But I believe God is fair and just, compassionate and loving. And that gives me great comfort.
John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
I hope you know where your earthly home is and that you find great peace there. But I also pray that you are preparing for your eternal home in heaven.
I’m drinking coffee with my mom this morning on my porch swing. I miss her so very much.
Be grateful for your earthly home, the hope of a heavenly home, and for your mother. ♥️
Andi
Photos: 1) my beautiful mom with my two oldest sons (who were pretty little then) at my brother’s wedding (this is how I remember her); 2) our family in Minnesota; 3) my six kids, 2016; 4) a beautiful picture of Mom gazing upward (I can only imagine) 5) Mom ♥️
The morning is brilliant today. The air has a subtle hint of fall tucked in its coolness and my heart feels excited with anticipation of autumn. I’m not ready to give up summer quite yet though. I never was a summer person but I have been really enjoying it the last two years. I’m in my sunroom this morning. Windows are open, and Herc is lying next to the chaise lounge where I am seated. I have come to this room prepared with coffee, my Bible, and many prayers.
I am on a hiatus. But as I read this passage, I felt a strong urge to share it.
The passage actually begins in Luke 22:39. I’m reading about Jesus on the Mount of Olives as He prays with great anguish as He knows all that needs to come to pass…and His disciples sleep. Then the crowd, led by Judas, comes to take Him away.
I wrote about the rooster crowing in a recent blog. Jesus told Peter that before the rooster crows, Peter would deny him three times. Peter said never would that happen. But as Jesus is led away, Peter does deny Him three times. While Peter is still speaking the third denial, the rooster crows. Jesus turned and looked directly at Peter. And Peter saw Jesus…and he remembered.
Tears came to my eyes as I visualized this interaction between Jesus and Peter. My heart hurt for Peter as I know that Jesus has turned and looked at me in the same manner. And I felt his shame. Peter went out and wept bitterly. And I did this morning on his behalf…and for myself.
How many times have we done what we wanted to do knowing how much it would disappoint Jesus? How many times have we sinned when we said that would never happen? His concern is for our salvation and our eternity. Jesus isn’t beyond feeling grief. He prayed in the garden in anguish. Jesus wept for His friend Lazarus in John 11. Jesus is compassionate. He can feel what we feel. And when we walk away from Him, He feels every bit of heartache and sadness.
Please read Luke 22:39-62 when you can. Replace Peter’s name with yours and when Jesus turns to look at you, look Him in the eyes. Feel that moment. Know that Jesus feels it too.
I felt drawn to share this with you today. I hope we remember that Jesus is always watching us with the greatest of love.
Be grateful for the compassion of Jesus. ♥️
Andi
Photos: White orchids at the White River Botanical Gardens; white orchids in Jamaica
n. gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break
Times are seriously changing fast. It’s a challenge to keep up when we are being hit from every direction. The struggles are real.
I will be honest with you. I’m not the same person I was five months ago. How many of you can say you haven’t changed in one way or another since all of this began? Oh, I’m not saying I’m worse off. No, I believe I’ve changed mostly for the better. I guess that’s what I preach about so often. We need to learn positive things from our life lessons. And we are definitely learning lessons now. I will admit I’m a bit edgier than I was prior to March and I can spout off quicker than usual. I’m being more mindful of that. I think most everyone is a tad bit touchier than before. At least the people in my world. Maybe we have a right to be. There’s a lot we don’t understand and everyday we encounter new obstacles in our daily living. But I am more mellow in many ways too. Hopefully, I’m not falling into an “I don’t care” attitude. I don’t think so but I’ll be mindful of that as well.
The reason for this blog to say that I will be taking a hiatus. Everyone is dealing with so much right now. It’s not an easy time for anyone. My number count of readers has dropped off pretty dramatically and I hardly receive feedback, if any. I receive most of my comments and likes on my controversial blogs, but I simply can’t write those all the time. For my own sanity, I have to pull back on the controversy. A friend recently reminded me that there is much negativity in the world already. I agree. I should write uplifting and inspirational blogs. That’s what my blog’s intentions were from the beginning.
A lot of time goes into most of what I write. I am not a paid writer. I just write from the heart because I have a personal need/ desire to do so. But it’s just not feeling right lately.
I’m going to stop writing for awhile. Who knows how long a hiatus is. I suppose it varies from person to person. I have no idea. Hopefully, it’ll feel right again very soon.
Until then, you will be in my prayers. That’s the least we can do for one another. Take the much needed time to find peace in the chaos.
Be grateful for this day. ♥️
Andi
Photo: St. Joseph, MI, September 2010, North Pier Lighthouse (a happy place)
Sometimes silence is a good thing. We need to turn off the static of the world and just chill for awhile. It would be in our best interest to turn off the TV every so often. Maybe even leave the car radio off on the drive home from work. I believe silence really is golden.
I like silence. I like it a lot. Mostly, the silence away from people noises, like cars, mowers, and machinery. I love listening to birds, frogs, and cicadas, and a field of corn rustling in the wind. The chatter of squirrels chasing each other up and down and around the tree is quite entertaining. The crackling of a bonfire is soothing to me. Waves rushing onto the shore is a noise I’d never tire of. I remember as a young girl I‘d sleep with my window open whenever I could, and I’d hear the night sounds from the harbor on Lake Michigan, of ships and fog horns, and in the west, I’d hear the rhythm of a distant train. I’m fortunate I can hear trains where I live now too, but I sure do miss the sound of the harbor. Some sounds are peaceful to me and I consider them to be a part of silence. Often that’s where I do my best dreaming.
Other times silence may not be so good. Silence between friends or family can mean any number of things. Silence on the other end of the line usually isn’t a good sign. Neither are unanswered questions. Reading between the lines is troubling and taxing on the heart. Here, silence isn’t golden at all.
Then there’s social media. Even if I don’t have the audio on, but am reading controversial posts and their comments filled with rantings and raging, it is as loud and disturbing as the constant revving of a car engine, or of a alarm that won’t shut off, or even of rap music turned up on high volume. So silence, for me, would also include staying away from controversy in social media, newspapers, news stations, magazines, etc. Anything that excites my mind in a disruptive way and makes my body feel like a beehive is noise to my soul.
While I enjoy associating with people, I like to return to my quiet place. Preferably, sooner than later. That doesn’t mean I’m totally at peace alone, by myself. I am not. I believe you can be with someone and enjoy silence together. Holding hands quietly speaks volumes. That would be the best kind of silence to me.
I hope you find a quiet place today. Use that time to unwind, to reflect, and to dream. I think even extroverts benefit from quiet times. I am an introvert with a touch of “extrovert-wanna-be”. But I embrace the introvert in me. And I appreciate silence.
Thank you for stopping by today for coffee with me. We can talk or just sit in the quietness, together.
Be grateful for quiet times. ♥️
Andi
Photos: cornfield near my home, August 2020, my coffee cup this morning in the quiet of my room
Yesterday my youngest daughter and I went flower pickin’. We had a picnic planned that evening with my son and his wife. I love wild flowers and I wanted to make an arrangement for our table. My daughter looked adorably retro in her summer dress while carrying my antique pail for the picked flowers. (It may or not be a chamber pot. No matter…it worked perfectly to carry our cuttings.)
It was a perfect day for a walk and a walk is always good to clear my head. I absolutely love the outdoors. While there weren’t any flowers besides Queen Anne’s Lace and clover where we walked, we did see lots of butterflies and moths. So that was a gift. We added Black-eyed Susans from our yard to our bouquet.
Our picnic was a success. We had BBQ ribs with the best homemade sauce, my mom’s potato salad, my dad’s chip dip, a garden salad, lemonade, and ice cream. Then we watched the Full Sturgeon Moon rise up through the pink and blue clouds.
My suggestion is for you to get outside. Take off the mask and fill your lungs with fresh air. Close your eyes…and just be. This Covid year is flying by faster than any year I’ve lived so far. Before you know it, it’ll be winter and we won’t want to get out.
Thanks for being here. I appreciate your visits more than you know. Coffee is on. Stay as long as you’d like.
Be grateful for the small moments that give life meaning. ♥️
Andi
Wishing you a day of peace with continued prayers for your health and happiness.
I am awake too early after going to bed too late, but it’s time to write. I have much on my mind, yet my thoughts have been lacking inspiration and creativity, so I haven’t been writing at all. The only thing I have on this Sunday morning is an attempt to expand on my last blog, A Fork in the Road. I feel determined to write my Sunday blog, if nothing else.
My favorite version of the Bible is the English Standard Version (ESV), and that version is what I typically reference here in my Sunday blogs. But today, I will be referring to the King James Version (KJV). In the KJV, “O ye of little faith” appears four times.
Matthew 6:30: “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?”
Matthew 8:26: “And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.”
Matthew 16:8: “Which when Jesus perceived, he said unto them, O ye of little faith, why reason ye among yourselves, because ye have brought no bread?”
Luke 12:28: “If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and tomorrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?”
As we travel life, we definitely encounter highs and lows, hills and valleys. Of course, we’d love to sit on the mountaintop more than often than not. But in reality we spend an a large amount of our time in the valley.
The valley though is a place to prepare for our journey upward. We do an awful amount of learning in the valley. So many times we tackle that treacherous mountainside without preparation and we fall back down until we are strong enough to attempt the climb again. This is hard when you see people seemingly always on top of the mountain. And they may be up there more than in the valley. You wonder how is that possible.
There are all kinds of terrain in the valley, and of course, on a mountainside. Thick forests, rocky pathways, rivers, lush meadows, briar patches, etc. All presenting their own trials of learning and growing. And, of course, there are the pathways that come to a place of decision, a fork in the road.
As I mentioned in my last blog, God should be first and foremost. Talking with Him should be in our daily walk, not just when we reach a place of indecision. He is not to be nicely folded and placed in a dresser drawer until we need Him. I have a history of doing just that. I want to handle things on my own, but that doesn’t always work out very well. Do I do this because of my lack of faith? O me of little faith….I believe this to be true.
When life finally beats you down enough, we have a tendency to start looking up. When things are going great, we tend to forget God. Eventually, we tumble off that mountaintop. Each tumble should be a lesson to strengthen us.
O me of little faith…
I have been trying to figure out my own pathway and direction. Quite frankly, it hasn’t been working. I finally reached a place of desperation and turned God. My relationship with Him has been improving greatly this year but there are still things I want to be in charge of. But I’m not as wise as I think I am. The forks in my road are numerous. For awhile now, I’ve been praying for direction almost half-heartedly. I didn’t have faith that I could trust God with this decision. Finally, I had to hand it all to Him as I felt I had no place else to go, other than curl up into a ball and die. There is just too much for me to handle alone. Now I see a fork narrowing into one path. And I am grateful. While there is still much on my plate, and many directions that call to me, I will remember the graciousness of God as He is answering my prayer.
My life is not really all that different from yours. We each have our own trials…and problems we’d like to pretend aren’t problems. Things we’d prefer to handle alone because we are wise in our own eyes. But I encourage you to reach out to God with trust that He will answer prayer.
O ye of little faith…
When I think of people standing on top of the mountaintop always seeming to have everything they touch turn to gold, I think of an old song called “Farther Along”. I don’t think of Brad Paisley’s version. No, I think of my old friend, Buddy, singing it. It was his favorite song.
If you read the words to the song it mentions that later, farther along, we will understand why to the many questions we have. Truthfully though, maybe we don’t need to have the answers to every question. Especially questions about those on the top. We just need to focus on what we need to do to keep climbing.
Find the beauty and blessings in life, whether in the valley or on your trek upward. Pray for guidance and direction. Keep learning life lessons to make you stronger.
Rejoice when you reach the top and be grateful for answered prayer.
I hope you were able to pull something positive out of this message. I encourage you to lay your burdens at Jesus’ feet. No longer be “O me of little faith”.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
Thank you for joining me for a cup of coffee this morning as we sit together on my front porch swing.
Be grateful for a new day and new direction. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Maine adventures, October 2019; Karen on a narrow pathway at the bottom of the mountain; Greg & Karen walking a rocky, mountain pathway; music for Farther Along; Karen and I on top of Sargent Mountain **please excuse the repetition of pictures. I try to use pictures that help to convey a message. ♥️
Everyone travels a path, or two (or many), that comes to a fork in the road. It’s a part of life. We all have decisions to make. Fairly simple decisions or decisions that can be life changing. I’ve written recently about the many forks in my road. Handing my difficulties over to Jesus is hard for me as I want to prove I am a big girl and can stand on my own. But realistically, I cannot. I will add that this is not a sign of weakness. Giving to the Lord is actually brave. When you can tell God all the heaviness in your heart, He will pull you close…if you let Him. This is what He desires as He wants to be your everything. It is brave to allow Him to do this for you and for you to trust Him.
A fork generally means a change of some sort. It could mean a new door has opened to walk through. A new job, a new opportunity, to relocate, lifestyle changes, or a relationship, etc. While other times it’s about closing a door and letting go. I’m not so good with either of these. I admit I’m a work in progress. The fork could also be an indication that something is needed, such as more faith, trust, and patience.
I think when we reach a fork in the road we pretty much know what is required of us, but we are afraid to move. Ask God to give you wisdom, along with strength to open or close the door, and also for growth in your spiritual life.
Today I feel strong. Today I see and feel the possibilities. Today I see a fork narrowing into one. Today I am thankful for direction that seems to be appearing.
Not all are narrowing as I seem to be traveling on many paths. Still I am thankful. Maybe He knows I cannot handle it all at once. And that’s okay. I will focus on what lies directly in front of me. One day at a time. One step at a time.
As you walk your path, pray for guidance and direction daily instead of getting to a fork in the road and then turning on the prayer line. (Like I typically do.) It will save you heartache, sadness, and frustration.
I wish you peace on your walk and that you remember to lean on Jesus.
Be grateful. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Jamaican flowers and pathways, August 2016
My dad gave me a cookbook when I got married in June of 1980. This book has been one of my greatest treasures for 40 years. The binding is now worn and the front cover will probably fall off soon. The tabs are frayed and some are even missing. The pages have four decades of food stains on them. (I’m the messiest cook EVER.) And some recipes were adjusted with my handwritten notes. With six kids, I cooked a lot of meals and many recipes came from this book. Several years ago, my girls and I fondly named this family treasure “Old Yeller”.
So many wonderful recipes are found between the pages of this battered, old book. The Zesty BBQ Sauce is to die for. Especially on ribs.
And the Butter Frosting is yummy. We tried the Cheese Stuffed Trout once. It was pretty good. The kids enjoyed Beefy Bean and Biscuit Casserole along with many other great recipes.
A lot of fond memories are kept safe inside Old Yeller. I shared recipes with my best friend, Chelle. She loved this old book too. We enjoyed making the All-Time Favorite Lemon Bars and the Maraschino Cherry Bars for the holidays.
When my oldest daughter was getting ready to move away, she wanted to take Old Yeller with her. I’m not ready to part with Old Yeller yet so I searched for and found a copy and gave it to her. Now she can mess up the pages of her own cookbook. But truthfully, I don’t think any of my girls are as messy as I am. But….messy cooks are good cooks so they might want to work on that. The best compliments always came from my little ones when they would say, “Mom, you’re a good cooker!”
Hopefully, you have a treasured cookbook or two, and favorite family recipes to share with your future generations.
Be grateful for the simpler things in life…like an old cookbook named Old Yeller. ♥️
Sometimes we have to almost lose someone or something before we realize we weren’t patient in a decision. Often we think too much or move too quickly to our own detriment.
Sometimes we look at the world through a screen door and say, “I want that. I want it now”. But we aren’t seeing “out there” clearly through a screen and sometimes, it’s just not as simple as opening a door to get there. Once in awhile the door is locked because the timing isn’t right. Sometimes we have to wait for that door to be opened for us. And many times, the reality on the other side of that door isn’t exactly what we thought it would be when we hurriedly pushed through it.
We don’t always wait for God, as in the story of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 16. Sarah rushed ahead of God, and Abraham complied. And because of their rash, hurried decision their family suffered heartache as well as future generations. Still to this day, the turmoil of that one decision is felt throughout the world. I’m not saying that our impatience would create worldwide chaos but it can cause a fair amount of grief within our own self and pain to those in our inner circle.
My eye twitches when I hear that certain “p” word. It’s like a tiny rock in my shoe; irritating, because I don’t want to be patient. As I reflect on my past, I did honor patience in some things. I was even patient to a fault, because there were times I shouldn’t have been. So I do understand patience. As I get older though, I want desperately to get things done now…you know…before I can’t. I see a deadline ahead of me and I panic. Truth is, I am on the downward slope of life and it’s scary. I have a bucket list to check off, personal ambitions to accomplish, and blanks to fill, along with day to day survival. So I want to hurry. It doesn’t work very well though, jumping ahead of the timeline. I am not too old to learn but learning is often painful.
Sometimes, we need someone in our life who is more patient than we are. They help us remain in the starting block until the timing is right. Be thankful for that person. Don’t scare them away with your unthought-out, hurried decisions and craziness.
What benefit would it be to keep learned lessons to myself? Maybe someone else struggles the same me and just maybe, I can help to connect their dots. That’s my hope anyway.
Patience is a virtue. Respect it. Embrace it. Learn to love it. It will only bless your life.
One of my favorite Bible verses is Galatians 5:22, concerning the Fruit of the Spirit. I guess I must read the fourth fruit really fast or just skip over it. But it’s in there and it’s pretty important.
Galatians 5:22 “But the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” ESV
Thank you for stopping by. You mean a great deal to me.
I spent a tearful time with God this morning asking for direction, comfort, help with these hard days, and for my life to please start coming together. I share this with you not because I require pity but maybe it might be helpful to you. You may feel the same in one or more aspects. I find comfort in knowing that perhaps, I am not totally alone. It is my wish to lift you up and help you to find the hope that you seek.
I prayed for comfort as we travel through this unknown territory. I admit that I am scared and insecure. I’m not the brave warrior that many believe me to be. I’m unsure as to what I should actually be doing right now as I am restless. I feel I need to be doing something, but I don’t know what. My body hums as though I am a hive filled with buzzing bees, wildly unsettled. Anxiety and depression are there just waiting for me to tap into them, which I do more often than I care to admit. Is this stress affecting my health? Most likely. Covid weight gain is an outward expression of my internal unrest. And I wonder if any man will ever be able to look past the physical to see my heart.
I prayed for direction as I am at a fork in the road where important decisions need to be made. I don’t want to make the wrong ones. Please, God, not again. So I asked for guidance and wisdom. I feel torn in many directions, and every direction leads me to another fork. I begged that my life might start coming together as it feels like the unraveling of a braided rug.
As I continued, I prayed for my children as they are scattered about. They each have individual needs so I asked God to guide them and keep them close to Him. I prayed for my friends that He might hold them close as well and that they are finding their way too, through this difficult time.
Finally, I asked for forgiveness as I don’t want my sin to hinder my prayers from being heard.
These personal feelings I’ve shared may seem trivial to you, but they are very real to me. It’s easy to tell someone to just get over it, or give it to God. Sometimes a person’s struggles may not be a struggle to you, but we should be sympathetic to those who desire help. Example. I have coworkers who come to me for support, guidance, and prayer. They tell me their personal struggles, and while I may not always see their situation as desperate, they feel every bit of it. I’m a firm believer in expression of emotion. It is a gift. There is a difference between sharing what’s on your heart and desiring attention (drama). I try my hardest not to feed it or give it time.
As my prayer was coming to a close I heard a ding on my phone. From the sound I knew it was related to a blog. It was from my son. He posted a comment which fit perfectly with my prayer. The timing was perfect. Here is his comment to my blog, “Wisdom vs Knowledge”:
Reading your words about Solomon while looking at your flower photos reminded me of Jesus’ words in Galilee. “Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”
I can joyfully say that my relationship with Christ is on the upswing and my faith is increasing. He doesn’t ridicule me for the things I feel. He is compassionate and wants me to share whatever is heavy on my heart. Same with you and your life. Share with Him. Lay your burdens at His feet.
Believe. Believe in Christ while laying down our burdens. Believe that He is capable of handling anything we lay before Him. Believe that God cares, is ever-present, and will lighten our load. Believe that through Jesus, our sins can be forgiven and our prayers will be heard.
B E L I E V E . . .
I hope your day was lovely. Help each other through hardships. Pray for one another, and for our country. Give your cares and burdens to Jesus. Believe.
Be grateful for prayer. And for the beauty of flowers. ♥️
Andi
Photos: flowers in the courtyard garden at work, July 26, 2020
We can have much knowledge stored up in our brains. We can be smart with facts and figures and all sorts of information. We may even be a genius. We might be knowledgeable about many things, but that doesn’t necessarily make us wise. Wisdom is gained by watching, experiencing, and learning through life. Wisdom is using knowledge for good. Wisdom is not condescending. Wisdom is not arrogant. Wisdom is not superiority. Wisdom is not vain.
Wisdom is using knowledge to improve relationships and situations. It’s about creating new and better ideas and solutions, making good judgment calls, and giving the wisest advice.
1 Kings 3: 3-15
1 Solomon made an alliance with Pharaoh king of Egypt and married his daughter. He brought her to the City of David until he finished building his palace and the temple of the Lord, and the wall around Jerusalem. 2The people, however, were still sacrificing at the high places, because a temple had not yet been built for the Name of the Lord. 3 Solomon showed his love for the Lord by walking according to the instructions given him by his father David, except that he offered sacrifices and burned incense on the high places.4 The king went to Gibeon to offer sacrifices, for that was the most important high place, and Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar.5At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”
6 Solomon answered, “You have shown great kindness to your servant, my father David, because he was faithful to you and righteous and upright in heart. You have continued this great kindness to him and have given him a son to sit on his throne this very day.7 Now, Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number.9So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?”
10The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. 11So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, 12I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.13Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both wealth and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings.14And if you walk in obedience to me and keep my decrees and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.”15Then Solomon awoke—and he realized it had been a dream.
King Solomon was King David’s son and God loved him. A time came when God asked Solomon what he desired and Solomon asked for discernment, wisdom, and the ability to rule his people well. This request pleased God so He graciously gave Solomon wisdom that surpassed all wisdom. But as Solomon grew older, he threw wisdom aside as he had a weakness for women. In all, he had approximately 700 wives and 300 concubines. Many were foreign women and this angered God, as Solomon allowed these women to lead his heart astray. He built idols to their gods. Even with being the wisest man to ever exist, he fell. Solomon was smart, a remarkable architect, and a poet/ writer. He had many other talents as well. He had it all, along with god-given wisdom, but He chose to disobey God. He chose to walk away and be wise in his own eyes. And it didn’t work out in his favor.
Knowledge is good, but wisdom is what counts. We need to constantly be learning so we can become wiser everyday. Just not wise in our own eyes.
Proverbs 3:7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
Be grateful for wisdom. ♥️
Andi
Photos: all flowers from our beautiful garden at work, July 26, 2020.
I am going to take a moment here to share my controversial thought . You can agree, or disagree with me, or we can agree to disagree. But one thing I think we can agree on is the confusion we’ve experienced for the past several months. There’s not a single one of us who hasn’t been affected by the many events since March…or whenever it really began.
First of all, our bodies are not designed to wear masks. It is not natural. But the body is designed with this incredible, natural ability to build up immunities.
If the numbers of positive Covid and the numbers of fatalities were even close to being accurate, then we can discuss wearing masks. And I’d be okay with that. But when one state (or more) says, “oops, our increase in Covid isn’t 98%, its really 9.8%”, or “that man riddled with 32 bullet holes…well…he died of Covid”, I have to wonder what the heck is going on. And it should make you wonder too. Seems you can’t contact Covid while protesting without a mask (I use that term loosely) but walking down a public sidewalk maskless will surely kill us all. I’ve watched and listened to the doctors and nurses who have come forward and reported what they have been told to do in order to increase numbers related to Covid. I’ve also seen that their videos have been censored and removed. Why? They had nothing to gain but everything to lose by sharing their stories.
I no longer need to be shown statistics because too many people have had their greedy hands in the stats. There’s a lot of money to be had in Covid, not to mention the power of stopping a world. The test itself is questionable as well. There were three in my group who tested positive. But guess what? They were retested. Three out of three false positives. That’s 100% false positives. I’m not saying there aren’t true positives. I just don’t believe there as many as is being reported. How many positives are never retested? I’ve also remotely heard that the man who developed the test instructed that it not be used for viruses as it is unreliable. I’m inclined to believe that but I will try to research that for truth. Everyone should do their research.
Our governor has said that our state is now a mask state. Wear it in public or be charged with a misdemeanor. Seriously? This is what it comes down to? I believe he has overstepped his power, and I told him that.
If I could believe that Covid is as serious as they say, fine…I’d deal with it. But there are just too many conflicting reports. I believe Covid is real. But it also has a survival rate of almost 100%. It is possible to protect those at high risk without mandating every. single. person. It is not natural to wear a mask. When the body is forced to function outside its design, you can expect problems. It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure that out.
I could stand at the entryway of our favorite shopping center and probably tell 99.9% of the customers what is wrong with the mask they are wearing. I guess it’s all about having something loosely draped across your face simply because you are told to do it. It doesn’t matter if it works or not.
Think about this:
If it did matter…if this virus is as deadly as the fear they’ve instilled in us…we would be supplied masks and specific instructions for its use, and people would be stationed in public places to ensure that masks are being worn correctly.
Compliance. That’s the underlying factor in all of this. My opinion.
No wonder this country is so angry. We don’t know the truth about anything, but we fall for everything.
Be grateful you can still go maskless in your home. Or, can you? I’m not really sure at this point.
Change means something different to every person. And it is different. We are unique in every way, therefore; change will be unique and specific to each of us. We’ve gotten to this place, the here and the now, through constant phases of change. And we should welcome this process of personal transformation.
Unlike a chrysalis, often our cocoon gets to feeling pretty tight because we don’t want to change. So we squirm around inside trying to fit but it’s just not comfortable anymore. Unless we change and break free, we will remain restless, frustrated, unhappy, and less productive. It’s in our best interest to accept change, as it is inevitable, and emerge a better person than who we were yesterday.
Change is hard for me in many ways. I don’t want to let go of people I love or precious times, like when my children were small, or even when I was growing up. So many memories that I wish I was still living. That’s me. Weird, huh? But I do know that I am a diamond in the rough (or maybe an emerald) and I need a great deal of self-improvement. Self-improvement comes with change.
Influences of change vary. Circumstance, Biblical teaching to become more Christ-like, life-altering events such as marriage, divorce, birth, and death, are just a few of the many influences in our lives. We are also greatly influenced by our ever-changing world. Hopefully, for the better.
Sometimes, though, all it takes is for one individual to take an interest in you and your life. One person to guide you through tough changes. Changes you can’t quite manage on your own. Someone special who doesn’t condemn you for your weaknesses, or your less-than-perfect past, but sees the potential to rise above them. One who subtly nudges you in the right direction and praises your accomplishments no matter how great, or how small. A person of this caliber is one to be treasured. Keep them in your life.
Change can be beautiful. Embrace it.
Be as grateful for change as a butterfly.♥️
Andi
Photos: a butterfly on my flowerpot, July 20, 2020; my desk lamp
I grabbed coffee and my old, battered bible as I headed out to my porch swing this morning. It’s a cool 69 degrees but the humidity is 90%, so it made me feel damp and cold. Long sleeves and capris weren’t quite warm enough, but I stayed out there long enough to read and pray this morning.
There’s a heaviness hanging over our country, like a dark thunder cloud, with all the changes taking place. Mask requirements are everywhere now and cash is becoming obsolete. The progression of change and restriction is swift and rapidly evolving everyday. Not to mention the tension in our city streets still continues. I cannot say that I am not concerned. I am. And afraid. I’m afraid of tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that.
Being fearful, though, is not conducive to being wise, so I turned to God. I opened my bible and began to read where it opened and that was 1 John 1. As soon as I began to read, I felt this was right where I needed to be today.
I continued reading through chapter 2 and on into 3. I read the 20th verse in chapter 3 and found a such a great peace that I stayed there for bit and thought. I reread the 19th verse through the 24th. All good. My morning treasure though is verse 20.
19By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; 20for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. 21Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; 22and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. 23And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. 24Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us.
I suggest you read the whole book of 1 John. I did and I feel better.
I prayed for you this morning. I prayed for your health and safety. I prayed that your heart might heal from pain caused by another or from a life-changing event. I prayed that maybe you might find what is missing in your life, whether it be God, a solution to a problem, or a person who loves you.
Don’t go through these days alone. These are hard days and there are more ahead of us. Remember that God never intended for us to travel this life alone. That is not how we were designed from the very beginning. We are social creatures and depend on each other, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Love and appreciate your spouse. Cling to those who give you strength. Surround yourself with friends and family. Depression comes easier now than ever. Don’t let depression happen to you or your loved ones. Be a good observer and listen to what others are not saying. Let’s be there for each other.
God knows everything. Be grateful for that. ♥️
Andi
Photos: my battered bible; our lone sunflower, photo courtesy, Charlie
I was raised in a city north of Chicago. I say it’s a suburb of Chicago and we lived in a suburb of the suburb. If you can follow that. It wasn’t city yet it wasn’t completely country. What I’m trying to say is that I do not consider myself a city girl, but a country girl. I guess it’s all in the eye of the beholder. But I’m definitely a country girl by heart.
I love everything about the country. I’m sure city life has its perks but I’ll always take the country first. I particularly love the wildlife and farm animals. Someday I’d like to have a fainting goat and a cow. Chickens too. Chickens are some of the funniest animals to watch. Our neighbors have chickens and one lone rooster who crows anytime he feels like it…sometimes all day long. I don’t mind. I like to hear him. To me hearing a rooster crow makes me feel all countrified and stuff. And that’s a great feeling for me.
Animals were very important during Bible times and in the stories written. Doves, donkeys, goats, sheep, bears, a whale, lions, snakes, etc. They played vital roles in the stories told. God often used the simple to teach essential life lessons. I am going to reflect on one of these lessons this morning. It’s short. It’s simple in form, yet it contains a powerful message.
Once upon a time, a very long time ago, a rooster crowed and it made a grown man cry.
Matthew 26:34-35; 69-75 34 Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.”35 Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same.
69Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came up to him and said, “You also were with Jesus the Galilean.”70But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you mean.”71And when he went out to the entrance, another servant girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.” 72And again he denied it with an oath: “I do not know the man.”73After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, “Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you.” 74Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know the man.” And immediately the rooster crowed. 75And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.
Even after seeing all the wonderful miracles Jesus had performed during His teaching and ministry, Peter did two things. 1) He did not believe Jesus…that he could possibly deny Him. 2) Peter went straight out and denied Jesus three times.
Peter saw with his own eyes all that Jesus had done, yet he still denied Him. Can you imagine how he felt every time he heard a rooster crow for the rest of his life. Would a rooster crow have brought a peace to his heart like it does mine? I don’t think so.
Then there is Thomas, often referred to as “Doubting Thomas”, who needed to physically touch Jesus in order to believe.
John 20:24-29 24 Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came.25So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.” 26Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” 27Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.”28Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” 29Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
God is long-suffering because He knows our human weaknesses. We doubt. We forget. We deny. We sin, repent, only to sin again. Often in the same sin. He is gracious in giving us time.
We have the Bible to bring our history to life. And it is our history. It was written for our learning, to know from where we came from, the struggles of the human race, the discipline, the love of God, and to help us from doubting and denying. Even though we didn’t see the wonders and miracles performed first hand, nor did we touch Jesus’s side, we can believe.
I am grateful for the word of God. I am grateful that God is long-suffering. I am grateful for every morning I wake up. I am grateful that Jesus died for our sins.
♥️
Andi
Photos: my kitchen rooster (what a ham…he likes his picture taken); Buddy’s Bible
When my youngest was about two and a half years old, she began saying a strange thing. We heard “butt chicken”. It sounded funny so we laughed whenever she said it. That encouraged her to repeat it. It got to the point where she was saying it quite often (we’d laugh). And when she was upset with her siblings, she would stand firmly, with her hands on her hips, and call them a butt chicken (and we’d laugh harder). I remember we were in her dad’s office one day and the receptionist got so angry that we allowed her to call her dad a butt chicken. She didn’t actually call him that but that’s how the receptionist took it. Her dad found it funny too so it wasn’t a big deal to him.
For a solid year, it was butt chicken this and butt chicken that, until one day, when her speech became clearer, we figured out she’d been saying “munchkin” all along. Munchkin, butt chicken. Can you hear it? Needless, to say we had another great laugh. After a year, we were finally able to put butt chicken behind us. (Pun intended.)
I love children and their sweet innocence. I love laughter at funny things. Put children and laughter together and I could stay there forever. I miss my young ones but their laughter is still music to my ears.
Cherish those fun moments with your kids. Especially, the moments that last a year.
Have an amazing weekend and be ever so grateful for the silliness and laughter of children.♥️
After a long day of work, yawning on my way home, changing clothes to go back to town by 8:00 to watch my youngest test for her purple belt in karate, I am totally wiped out. Charlie and I saw a beautiful sunset on our way home. I’m glad I didn’t miss it. Then she asked me to sit outside on the back deck for a bit and have a glass of wine. I had two.
The night was calming. The heavy clouds of the sunset traveled on and a few stars and, I think maybe a planet, twinkled in the sky. I brushed my dog, Herc. He is the worst shedder of the three dogs we have. Then I sat down and admired the bean field again. There were many tiny lights flickering, high and low, throughout the field. Every time I see this display, it’s like the first time all over again. So magical. Like a scene from a fairy tale. And I wish my phone’s camera could capture moments like these.
I think about my concerns, worries, and heartache as I sit there in the cool, damp air, but these little fireflies tell me, not tonight. So I try not to dwell on anything in particular. I’m just being. I guess this is my “lightening bug time”. Something like “squirrel time” which I will write about later in a blog of its own. Filling my bucket, per se.
I think I will be able to sleep better tonight. I prayed for you throughout my day. I hope you were blessed in some way. You are in my prayers tonight as well.
But grateful for the peace found in sunsets and lightning bugs. ♥️
Way back in January, I started writing this blog. It’s hard to believe I’ve been blessed with seven months of writing these posts. You have no idea how much I love to write. This has been a great release for me.
In my first blog I talked about Tim Cotton, a detective with the Bangor Maine Police Department. I had the privilege to meet him last October. Tim is/was the only person on my Bucket List.✔️And, I met the “marginally famous” (Tim’s words) Duck of Justice, the only taxidermy-ed animal on my Bucket List.✔️
Tim is a very humble, down-to-earth human being. His writings are humorous, heartfelt, informative, and reminiscent. He easily makes thoughtful connections between himself and his readers. Tim is on FaceBook where you can find him at “Tim Cotton” and also on the “Bangor Maine Police Department“ page. I’m no longer on Facebook and I miss his early morning writings. It was a great way to start my day. Oh, and Tim also has podcasts.
Tim just released his first book, TheDetective in the Dooryard. I say that because I’m confident he has another book just waiting to be written. He may disagree, but I know what it’s like to write. There’s just always more. So, Tim, neversaynever.
I just received his book yesterday so I haven’t had a chance to start reading it, but I’m confident that I won’t be disappointed.
Check Tim out on FaceBook or take a leap of faith on my recommendation and purchase his book. Grab a cup of coffee and settle into a comfy chair and be prepared to be entertained by Tim Cotton. I ordered his book on Amazon. You can also find it at Barnes and Noble, where I see it’s already received ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. I’m not the least bit surprised.
Here’s a “shout out” to Tim on his wonderful accomplishment. Congratulations!
I pray that God will hold you close tonight and give you peace as you rest. I’ll ask that His healing hands be placed upon your heart and that your burdens be lightened. And I will pray that He might give you wisdom for the days ahead, and strength for your tomorrow.
My heart is very heavy tonight. Maybe yours is as well. I thought I’d encourage you through prayer and lift you up.
I remember the ‘70’s pretty well. I remember high school and all the activities you could be a part of. There were many different clubs you could join and/or sports, if you were the athletic type. I remember the cliques. The jocks. The smart kids. The religious kids. The potheads. The rich kids. The wallflowers. The bullies. Groups of like-minded kids would band together. Kids feel the need to belong to something.
As for me, I was quiet. Maybe a little backward too. If there was a club that interested me, I always chickened out from joining. I liked gym class and apparently I had some athletic skills. Two coaches saw my potential and pleaded with me to play basketball and run track for our school. I approached my parents with the ideas and my dad flat out told me no, that I was fifteen and had to get a job. So that’s what I did. I got a job. I didn’t participate in any extracurricular activities all through high school. Something I regret to this day.
But I did belong to something. I was a part of the neighborhood gang. (More like the OurGang of the Little Rascals.) There were lots of us close in age. I have great memories of belonging to that group of friends. When my family moved to another state in my junior year, it was difficult at first to figure out who was who, and exactly where I belonged. After several wrong turns, I finally found a fun group of kids to hang out with. We celebrated our 40th class reunion last year. It was great to make that connection once again.
I’m not real sure what’s going on with the younger people of today though. There’s still a desire to belong, but there seems to be this real need to be recognized as well. We experienced short-lived fads and did crazy things when I was a kid. We had fun. We encouraged each other. We had our little spats like siblings. We were family to each other. If we believed strongly in something we didn’t scream and yell, block highways, burn things, or punch people. We didn’t burn the flag, and we certainly didn’t pull people from their own vehicles and beat them. So what has changed?
I’m not saying we were a perfect generation. There were threats of rioting between our two high school campuses. I remember going home early one day because of a threat but nothing ever happened. There was no cause for a riot. It was just loud kids disrupting school. There were issues around our country, yes. I’m not denying that. But what we are seeing today is more than unbelievable. It’s horrifying that we have gotten to this level of anger and hatred.
Going back to my youth, I remember when I first heard about vegetarians. I didn’t know anyone who was one, but I just decided one day that I was going to be one. I knew nothing about it except you didn’t eat animals. And I liked animals so this sounded like the thing to do. I was going to take a stance even though I didn’t really know what my stance was. I wanted to be different. I was going to be noticed. I was going to be a picture of smartness because of my new found loyalty to vegetarianism. That morning I proudly told my dad I was going to be a vegetarian. He asked me why. All I remember saying was “I’m not going to eat animals anymore. I’m done eating animals.” I could tell he didn’t appreciate my simple answer, but I was going to hold my ground. That night he ordered pizza from the Quonset, our favorite pizza place. My siblings and I were so excited. He brought it home and unwrapped it. Ohhhhh…that warm Quonset aroma.
And then my dad announced that I couldn’t have any. He proceeded to tell me everything on the pizza that was an animal product. I thought I could just pick things off of it but being vegetarian was way more complex than just removing a piece of pepperoni. I remember not feeling so proud (or smart) at that moment, and I felt foolish in front of my family. Belonging for the sake of belonging…
I believe that much of what is going on in our country is similar to my pizza story. I’m not saying that vegetarianism is on the same level as whose life matters more. But they can make a good argument over the treatment of animals. My point here is that people are joining groups without understanding what the organization stands for, how they are supported, how the money is spent, and how they get their message out, etc. It’s this powerful need for acceptance, to be noticed, to take a stand, etc. And once inside, it’s much easier to do questionable things with fellow believers. Even if it is horrible acts of violence. I was alone in my vegetarianism and it lasted less than 8 hours. Once I learned more about it, I decided it wasn’t for me. Had I stayed, would raiding supermarkets and destroying meat counters have justly served my cause to not eat animals?
A girl tried to defend socialism in a recent interview. She stated she wants to live in a socialistic society. She is one of many young people who are pushing socialism. When asked about her stance on it, she said we are actually living in socialism right now. How so? Because she and the interviewer were in the act of socializing. Her understanding is that we socialize with each other therefore, we are living in socialism. See what I mean? Belonging to something for the sake of belonging. She has no concept whatsoever of what socialism is yet is pushing this agenda along with a large group of others (who don’t understand either). There’s a strong need for acceptance especially among young peer groups. And there is strength in numbers. People in groups do things they would never consider doing if they were alone.
This younger generation should get us older people to think more deeply, but at the same time, they need to know in detail what they are choosing to represent and support. Lessons in history and government are needed as well. Somewhere along the line, respect has been lost. Right now communities are ablaze with “children”throwing temper tantrums. Respect has been thrown out the window. If we give them what they want now, whatever that is, they will resort to tantrums with every future desire. Didn’t we parents already know this is how tantrums work?
I know I’ve spoken mainly about the younger population, but I must add that older people are also adding fuel to this inferno, and quite frankly, I’m appalled that men and women my age are acting this way. We need to be good, strong examples to the younger generations. They can point fingers at us already for letting them down in some ways, but to hand them bricks to throw at businesses, or stand beside them and throw bricks with them, is beyond my comprehension.
Everything is so heated right currently that I do not know what the quick answer is stop the madness. We have so many massive fires burning at the same time. Discipline is definitely needed. No protest is just cause to inflict harm on another human being or to destroy property. We need to get this stopped.
Belonging for the sake of belonging…
Well, I said my piece for the day. I’m sure we are all tired of the chaos. We need to choose to be a better people. All of us. Not just one color or another. All of us.
Rise above the hate and be grateful. ♥️
Andi
Sorry for the lack of pictures. But what would be appropriate?
Love. I’ve written about it before and I will again in the future. It’s that BIG. Everyone desires to be loved. Everyone needs love. Love alone could heal the world…IF everyone loved each other instead of only themselves.
Love isn’t just a feeling. Love is a combination of many strong emotions. It’s a mixture of choice and will, as well. Love is intense. Sometimes subdued. Love is intertwined with another. Love is often misunderstood. Love can hurt. Sadly, and regretfully, I have unintentionally caused pain in the name of love.
Love is a curious thing, but often love is complicated. We fall out of love as easily as we fall into it. After we were married for many years, my husband told me that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. Actually, that was an improvement over the beginning of our marriage. I didn’t know he didn’t love me when we got married until the day I heard him tell our children 19 years later. In the name of love, I stayed with him for 21 years. Love is a curious thing. And it causes me to do stupid things. It’s not an excuse. It’s my reality. I have done stupid things in the name of love.
There are many faces of love. Long ago, I loved bologna sandwiches with mustard and ruffled potato chips between two slices of white bread. I loved the song “Radar Love”. I loved horses, the color green, vanilla ice cream, and my dog, Heidi. I loved Greg Brady, and Mike Nesmith, of the Monkees. On our summer stays in Minnesota, I loved finding discarded cardboard and then flying down Indian Hill with my brother and sister. I still love fishing and rhubarb strawberry pie. And I absolutely love taking naps. As a young girl, I loved God, even though I didn’t understand the whole religion thing. God is the ultimate of love.
I still love God. I love my kids. And they love me. I am blessed with a handful of people that I love with all my heart. And there is a fair amount of people that I simply love.
I do know that all during my young years, I wanted to grow up to love a man, and to be loved by him. Ahhh…yes, I was a hopeless romantic from a very young age.
When in a relationship, I pour my whole being into it. I live and breathe it. It becomes my focus. It’s been a painful journey of self-discovery, of who I am, and why I search so desperately, and why I’ve chosen the wrong men. I finally discovered the cause and came to terms with it all a few years ago. I felt I lacked love as a young girl, therefore, I’ve searched all my life to fill the void. Now that I understand, I am more observant and much wiser. But I’m quite certain that I’m still capable of doing stupid things, even to the right man.
Love is beautiful. Even after enduring heartache most of my life, I will never stop believing in love. There’s nothing more beautiful. I watch lovers in a park, couples holding hands in the grocery store, the bride and groom at their reception, and an elderly man lovingly wipe the mouth of his wife of 65 years, and I desire to have that love for myself. Love isn’t blind at all. Love is seen by the heart.
I know this was a random topic and maybe it wasn’t at all interesting. But when I have something on my mind, it usually has to come out here. This actually interrupted another post I’ve been working on for days. But that’s okay.
Be grateful for love in your life. ♥️
Andi
Photos: source unknown; a heart I found on the inside of a covered bridge; a rock I found
Beginnings can be wonderful. But with all beginnings there comes an ending. Sometimes it’s not an “and they lived happily ever after” ending. Especially when one wants to preserve the beginning and the other does not. It would be helpful to understand what broke down, but often there will be questions to last a lifetime. You cannot fix what you have no knowledge of what’s broken. Just enter each new day with the desire to be a better person than you were yesterday. That’s all you can do.
Would you go back to the beginning and erase it? No, not always. I feel I’m a better person at the ending, even though I feel the brokenness. A lot of living, loving, and dreaming fills the space between the beginning and the end. Those moments are priceless, and so are the lessons learned.
Truthfully, I feel I’ve had too many beginnings and endings. And I’m really tired. But there is life yet to live. As long as God allows me to wake up each morning I will do my best to enjoy each day fully. If another new beginning presents itself, I will be respectful and mindful of lessons learned. And I will thank God.
Life isn’t over at the ending. Not even in death. But that’s another blog for another day. Where one story ends, another begins. We live a continuum of stories. Whether in a relationship or alone. I look back at my life and I feel as though I’ve lived many lifetimes. I just wanted one filled with beautiful stories. Just one.
The hardest part of an ending is letting go and moving forward with reluctant feet and a sad heart. But there is no other option.
I’m listening to my playlist of Keane, Coldplay, and Jack Johnson. These three inspire me as I reflect on beginnings and endings. Music is good for the soul.
Be grateful for a new beginning…even without knowing how it ends. ♥️
Luke 17:5,6 5The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”6And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.
F A I T H: Complete confidence and trust in someone or something.
I need a deeper faith. The daily challenges in this life are more than I can bear by myself. The more faith I have in Him, I know the stronger I will become. Doubt and impatience have clouded my faith. This has not been conducive to a smooth life. It is not shameful for me to admit that I cannot do this life alone. But since I am aware, I need to work more diligently to increase my faith.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Romans 10:27 So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.
Matthew 13:32 It is the smallest of all seeds, but when it has grown it is larger than all the garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and make nests in its branches.
Matthew 17:20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
Our faith is almost microscopic in comparison to a tiny mustard seed. If we had faith the size of the mustard seed we could do amazing things through God. It’s about faith without doubt.
James 1:6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
Mark 11:22-24 22And Jesus answered them, “Have faith in God. 23Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. 24Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
Our prayers should be in buried deep in faith, with understanding and confidence, that through Christ all things are possible. Philippians 4:13
As a country, we are in very serious trouble. We are in waging in battles and conflicts of every kind imaginable. There is so much hate. I believe we all want the same things in life. If each of us were to increase our faith to the size of a mustard seed, with God by our side, these battles will be won. Faithfully, pray that our nation will heal.
Romans 8:31,32 31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Be grateful for faith, prayer, and healing. ♥️
Andi
Photos: a mustard tree, mustardtreeministries.org; mustard seeds, brothersofthebook.com; oneclimbs.com; mustard seeds, holisticvanity.ca; our American flag, http://www.shutterstock.com
…be reassured that not everyday will be this hard.
…double up on prayer.
…take a nap. Or two.
…take a nature walk.
…find comfort that God knows your pain.
…realize that life isn’t always fair.
…rock away on your front porch swing.
…remember that through patience the best is worth waiting for.
…pray for those you love.
…spend time with a child.
…spend time with the elderly.
…invite a friend over for coffee.
…cry. It’s okay to cry.
…pray for your enemies.
…read the Bible.
…pet your dog.
…hug someone.
…ask God for understanding.
…write a poem. Or a blog.
…continue to dream.
…don’t lose hope.
…make a fruit pizza.
…ask God for a little more patience.
…sail the seven seas.
…pick some wildflowers.
…watch the sunset.
…tell someone you love them.
…realize you may never have the answer.
Thank you for spending some time with me again. Coffee is on and Grandpa brought us donuts this morning.
Be grateful today, even with all its challenges.♥️
Andi
Photos: flower pictures were taken on the town square, July 8, 2020; porch swing with a glass of wine, July 2019; sailboats on Lake Michigan, September 2010; sunset, January 2020
Everyday there is a new policy to replace a policy that is barely 18 hours old. There are new procedures. Recommendations. Statistics. Rulings. Compliances. There are new state or federal mandates. Question it. Question everything.
Research every organization, their history, what their beliefs are, how they are supported, and how do they promote the organization…before supporting them. Ask how their donations are spent. Research who receives the donated money from you, the donor, and where it goes once it leaves your hands. You have a right to know how your donated money is spent. Or don’t donate. I believe we would be shocked and angry to know where our good money goes in many instances. Question it!
Question how we got to this place of madness and why the chaos is still continuing. Question the people who are telling you what to do and how to do it. Question the conflicting statistics, news reports, governors, politicians. Question how isolation conquers Covid-19. Why is there such variance between Democratic states and Republican states in regards to violent protests and Covid issues? Why are actors bailing out violent people who have hurt others and/ or destroyed property? Why are legislative bills quietly being drawn up so they can pass without our knowledge? (There seems to be some confusion as to who works for whom.)
Recently, a news reporter was wearing a mask outdoors while filming a segment of a news report. She was in a “hot zone” and seemed to be complying with mask wearing and social distancing. That is until the camera turned off and she immediately removed her mask and walked back to her car. Why does the media intentionally mislead the public? Question it.
And now today. We have a change shortage. How did this happen? Signs at store registers read “Change Shortage: exact change only or use card”. What is going on here? Is there a sudden surge of change hoarders? Or is this an intentional removal of money? Question everything!
The chaos which directly affects us started in March. It’s just too coincidental that all these unbelievable and horrific issues have been happening simultaneously. I don’t understand why more American people do not question why these things are happening and what they are told to do to comply. The government is not our parent. We are not children. Question everything that affects your personal life and livelihood. That’s your right!
This is a touchy subject for sure. But one thing I’ve learned since my divorce is that if I don’t stand up for myself, no one will get up to bat for me. You need to be strong. You need to be knowledgeable, and you need to question everything that affects your life and wellbeing.
I do not have these answers. But I want them. I want everyone to think for themselves and demand answers as well. If everything is kosher, I’m absolutely good with that. But if crooked things are happening then it’s my right to know. Believe me, I’d much prefer that everything be kosher. I think you feel the same.
Thank you for listening to another rant by Andi. I hope this day found you happy, healthy, and safe. Have a great day tomorrow.
Last evening, I decided to do a little blogging from my back porch. I was able to sit peacefully outdoors without the heat chasing me back inside. It was a gorgeous evening. I watched Amber, my daughter’s golden retriever, and Herc, my German shepherd, meander around the yard while I thought.
I admired the field of beans. As the sun lowered in the western sky, it created long woodsy shadows in a golden glow across my yard and field. My favorite time of day. And I thought some more, trying to focus on just one topic. But there were many.
It’s rough being me. My mind and heart are in a constant state of disagreement. Maybe because I am a Gemini and the twins are always at odds with each other. I don’t know. I do know that my heart pretty much always wins over my mind. Maybe that’s why life has been tougher for me. I don’t always listen to the realities that my mind tries to force my heart to believe. I live by my heart. I write from my heart. I dream from my heart. I speak from my heart. I really don’t expect this will ever change. And, truthfully, I don’t want it to. I’ve made it this far in life. Not unscathed, mind you. I carry within me the scars and the brokenness of many battles lost. But it’s okay. I am finally liking the person I am becoming. God is the potter. I am the clay.
But the clean, white pages stayed clean and white on my heavy-duty thrift store bargain clipboard, who someone named Daniel once claimed as his own, as this internal battle raged on.
Enough.
I slipped on my Andrea Bocelli playlist and shut my eyes. I felt the breeze. I breathed in mask-free air. I love being outside.
Still…I couldn’t come up with a single blog to focus on. My mind was full of ideas but that doesn’t really matter when most everything runs off my heart. When my mind tries to override my heart, blogs don’t get written.
Eventually, the mosquitos were too much. They typically don’t bother me, but since Charlie wasn’t with me, they decided I wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t able to stay out long enough to watch the lightning bugs dance in the field. I went inside and put my clipboard away.
I am writing from my bed as I woke up early. My heart is restless which makes me restless. It is time to write. This blog is really about nothing but yet it’s about everything. It’s about being in tune with yourself. Loving who you are and knowing what makes you tick. It’s about glowing sunsets and summer breezes. It’s about living and loving and caring. And it’s about gratefulness.
My mind will just have to settle down. It’s not going to win over my heart. Right or wrong, this is who I am. And I accept the consequences. I will continue to dream dreams. I will continue to hope. I will continue to love deeply. And I will continue to feel, even when it hurts. My heart rules.
Today is a new day. Explore it. Love it. Cherish it. And be thankful for it.♥️
I just woke. It’s 2:18 am. I’m not in my own room, nor am I in my own house. This place is quiet. Very quiet. If I didn’t know there were two others here, I would think I was utterly and totally alone in this place. I didn’t hear them arrive from their night out. No car sounds or the opening of the garage door. I hear no voices or movement. This house is built solid. There are no strange sounds you often hear in unfamiliar places in the dark of night. No, this place is quiet in every sense of the word. I heard the AC kick on. Nothing more. Even the ceiling fan is quiet in comparison to the tinnitus from which I suffer. I can barely hear its soft hum over the crickets inside my head.
Isolation.
But…I chose to be here. I came voluntarily. I wanted to escape the whirlwind life for a couple of days. I am enjoying the quietness away from people, pressures, mask wearing…and fireworks this holiday.
This is quite the opposite from what we are being told to do for this Covid situation. The situation I refer to while biting the inside of my cheek. I’m here for rest and relaxation. The government wants you to isolate…well, for other reasons.
Isolation. Social Distancing. Lockdown. Sheltering in place. Quarantine. All words that had no meaning until March 2020. Maybe a little earlier than March as we watched the world shutdown ahead of us. These are words I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing again.
I’m wondering when it is ever feasible to isolate in order to conquer. The word conquer is generally associated with a coming together to fight, to become stronger, to overcome. I’m referring to a large scale conquering and not that of an individual who conquers an inner demon.
We have those in high political places (who are suppose to work for the people) telling us that the only way to stop this virus is by staying away from each other. Isolation. That may make sense to some but it does not to me. You can disagree with me. I only ask that you give this some thought and do the research. I remember when my kids were young a long time ago, when one family came down with chicken pox every child-rearing family flocked to their house so their kids could get it too. Why? To build up their immunity. To strengthen their own natural defense. Your body’s immune system needs to be in a constant state of strengthening. There are many components to a healthy and strong immune system but being separated from others actually causes it to weaken.
Is Covid real? Yes, I do believe that. I also believe there is a community of people who have a higher risk of getting very sick from it. But for the vast majority of the population, the recovery rate is almost 100%, when, or if, you even get it. Am I saying we just let the chips fall where they may? No. We need to be mindful of those who are high risk. But to isolate the whole population in order to conquer? I feel this is wrong on so many levels and highly detrimental to society. Personally, I see no upsides to isolation only downsides. Besides a weakening of the immune system, another very real downside is that of our mental health. Statistics have revealed an increase of suicides, domestic violence, divorce, and child abuse since the world shutdown. Not to mention the thousands among thousands who are suffering financial hardships. Is isolation truly the way to conquer Covid?
When and why do we quarantine a healthy society? A society dies in isolation. We’ve already gotten a small glimpse of that nightmare. Who gets to make these decisions for you and me? A person of great wealth who has no medical background whatsoever? Or a lone doctor who changes his yes’s and no’s, and his do’s and don’t’s, every other day? How about your governor who has the power to completely shut down your state? Who gets to make these personal decisions for us concerning our health, our lives, and our livelihood? And are you okay with trusting someone else to do this for you?
So when has isolation ever been used to conquer? And will isolation conquer Covid? We need to start thinking beyond the news headlines. Beyond social media. Beyond the politics. We, as individuals, need to be doing the research and investigating all sides of this so-called pandemic. We must pay attention to individual lives along with the condition of our country and where it’s headed. Put the pieces together. There is much more as stake here besides a virus with an almost 100% recovery rate. Isolation is not a cure, nor is it the answer. Isolation has proven to have severe consequences and tragedies attached to it. It cannot conquer. My opinion, for what it’s worth.
These are things we need to consider when being told what we can or cannot do. Believe it or not, there are those who are not looking out for our best interest. Isolation is key to the collapse of nation. We need to think about that.
This topic was suggested and encouraged by a close friend. I didn’t know what to do with it for a few days until I woke up at 2:18 am. Then I just started writing. Funny how that happens. I hope I did it justice.
I hope you had a safe and fun Fourth of July. Mine was quiet. I had a very nice getaway to a country Airbnb. Birdsong was music to my ears and comforting to my soul.
Be grateful for simple things. Like birdsong and the sound of children playing. And coffee. Let’s not forget the simplicity of coffee with a friend or two.♥️
Andi
Photos: playground fenced off to keep children away from playing with each other; a secluded pathway; my girls at Cataract Falls
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” ESV
I asked my son, Jet, what this verse means, and he responded that he likes the Berean Study Bible’s translation, which reads:
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom the work that God has done from beginning to end.”
I think I like that as well.
I was in a resident’s room and I asked if I might flip her calendar over to July as it was the second of the month already. She was grateful that I would do that for her and when we saw the picture for July we were both awestruck. It was a magnificent canyon with a gorgeous waterfall. She asked where it was located. I told her it was Palouse Falls in the state of Washington. I never would have thought that a canyon of that size would have been in Washington. In fact, I really don’t know anything about that state at all. There is much I don’t know about my own country. So…my Bucket List just got a little bigger.
When I think about all the remarkable places in this country alone that I haven’t seen or even heard of, I want to get in my car and go! In a lifetime I would never be able to travel every back road to see its many wonders and hidden secrets. There are so many! I think about the change of seasons, too, and the cycles of life, and I am thankful that our days are not all the same. All I can say is that God is the supreme designer. He didn’t have to create such beauty but He did. He did it for our pleasure. And I, for one, would like to see as much of it as I can.
We cannot fathom even the simplest thoughts of God. We cannot fathom the eternity that He has set in our hearts, or all that He has done, is doing, and will do for us. Our simple minds cannot grasp the depth and completeness of our Creator. We look at the night sky filled with the moon and glistening stars and we ooooo and ahhhh over it’s vastness. But really…all we grasp is what we can see. There is so much more than what is visible to our eye. Just like eternity. There is much more to eternity than what we can comprehend.
Today, as I sit on the deck of this beautiful Airbnb, gazing below to farmland surrounded by woods, and feeling as though I’m sitting in the middle of a bird sanctuary, I praise God for all this beauty before me. I am excited about the diversity of this land. And I thank God for the promise of eternity even though I do not truly understand it. But I do know that back in the beginning, when God created everything from nothing, at the completion of each stage, He admired His handiwork, and said it was good. So I have no doubt that when we enter into eternity with Him, it will be good.
Rejoice. Be glad in your heart. Be grateful for the depth and love of God. ♥️
Andi
Photos: 1) an impressive sunrise at home; 2) Palouse Falls, WA, copyright: Joseph E. Becker of Seldom Seen Photography, 2015; 3) another gorgeous view, http://www.tripadvisor.com; 4) scenic, early morning view at my Airbnb, July 4, 2020; 5) me, loving my favorite season, Shades State Park, October, 2016
Almost a decade ago, I had a Calla Lily. Her life was relatively short , but she had the most beautiful blooms during her best days. I named her Penny.
I have dracaena marginata. Commonly known as the multicolored Madagascar dragon tree. I’ve had this tree since the early 2000’s. It sat quietly in our lofty classroom and listened to our daily school routines and antics. If only it could talk. One day there may be a fight over this beautiful, nameless tree.
As my dragon tree grew, I would have to repot into a larger container. I used new dirt and dirt I had in other plant-less pots. Time went on. A divorce happened, and my dragon tree and I, along with a couple of kids, and two dogs, moved to a new home.
I now have a sweet little sunroom where plants flourish. The dragon tree has been repotted about three times in seven years. Everything is happy.
Then one day I noticed something in the pot with my dragon tree. I looked closely and there was Penny. Penny was growing right alongside of my tree. I thought I had removed all of the bulbs and roots from the dirt long ago, but apparently not all of them.
So Penny shows up every once in awhile in all her glory. Her leaves grow big and tall, but there are never any blooms. The leaves stay for awhile then die only for them to pop back up again a few months later. This time her leaves are taller and larger than ever. These two plants are the oldest plants I have. Penny, though, was a tagalong…and a welcomed surprise.
I suppose I could give Penny her own pot but she seems quite happy to live with the dragon tree. Well, except that she doesn’t bloom. I’m not sure why. Her leaves though are gorgeous and amazingly tall. And the dragon tree seems to approve of sharing his pot with her.
Just a happy sunroom moment. I’m sure there’s a lesson in here somewhere, like the innate will to survive, or not wanting to be left behind, or you are beautiful with or without blooms. You use whatever works.
I hope you are enjoying this sunny Friday. Be safe this holiday weekend. Remember what the War of Independence meant to us as a country…and be grateful. ♥️🇺🇸
Andi
Photos: top two, Penny, May 2012; middle two, my Madagascar dragon tree with his friend, Penny, July 3, 2020; last, Penny’s overly large, but lovely leaves, July 3, 2020
I have a few WillowTree figurines that have meaning to me. Of the many WillowTree figurine there are, six are children sitting in different poses. Each child is labeled by a prominent characteristic. Each of the Willow Tree children matched the personalities of my own children. So I collected all six. My sons are in this order Inquisitive, Caring, Imaginative. My middle daughter is Joyful, and my youngest daughter is Thoughtful. Today I am going to talk about my oldest daughter, Denae. My Spirited child. And that, she is.
When I thought about starting a family, I wanted a dude ranch full of boys. I don’t recall ever having a number in mind of how many children I wanted. I just knew I wanted all boys. I had did have two boys when Denae was born. She was the third child of six, and the last to be born in a hospital. When I saw her, I fell in love all over again. God has designed the human heart in a most extraordinary way. When you wonder how you have enough love to love another child, He just opens it up, and the love just gushes out all over the place. I was so very happy with my little girl.
What a doll Denae was! Blue eyes and the curliest blonde hair. As she got older and was playfully teased by her older brothers, she would let out a shrill with a pitch so high that you wondered how all the glass in the cabinets didn’t break or how your ears didn’t bleed. I still haven’t heard another human replicate that sound. The shrill, though, was always followed by the cutest little giggles.
When I had complications with the next pregnancy and had to stay in bed most of the time, Denae spent much time with a family member. Honestly, we see now that wasn’t in her best interest. She and I started out being close but gradually we became more distant the older she got. Our relationship wasn’t always bad. It was more of a challenge at times. We just didn’t have the closeness I wanted in our mother/ daughter relationship.
As time went on, and she began her teenage years, she became extraordinarily strong. I’m not talking about her physical strength, although she could definitely hold her own. She was a feisty little thing. And still is. But I’m referring to her will, her determination.
We would butt heads more than I care to remember. But we sure could laugh together too. She has a great sense of humor, as do all of my kids. Laughter was magic in our family. It was healing.
When she was about 17, things began to change for the better. She finally felt she could trust me. There were intentions by another person to keep us apart. It’s a long difficult story. But finally…we started connecting. We talked a lot. We broke down together and she shared deep things with me. It was then we regained the mother/ daughter relationship that we both wanted so badly. Our bond was renewed and has grown even stronger since. But one day she told me something no parent really wants to hear. “I’m moving away.”
I was so torn. And mad. Circumstances here were driving her away. Was it in her best interest to leave, or should she stay and try to work through stuff here? I could ponder those questions and more, but that girl was determined to leave. We talked about it in great detail. She wanted to go, but didn’t know where. We talked about Chicago. We have friends there with whom she could stay and they could keep an eye on her. So that’s what she decided.
Where did her baby days go? And where was my little curly-headed girl with the high-pitch squeal? The little one who talked nonstop? Time went so fast. Too fast. How could it be this time of letting go already? My heart was breaking.
I remember that hot day in July when I helped to pack her car. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. We said our tearful goodbyes and she drove off, never to live here again. So what would you do in such a state of heartbreak like that? Well, I went to the park to run. And I ran and I ran. The temperature was 103 degrees, as we were experiencing an intense heat wave at that time. But I continued to run until finally I got very sick. It was a stupid thing to do but sometimes I just needed to run. My heart was so sad. I finally got her back, only to let her go.
So this girl of mine found a waitressing job quite a distance from where she was staying. She worked diligently. She managed her money well and within two months was able to rent an apartment closer to work. Gradually, she worked her way up into management. Through all of this never once did she complain about how hard it was. She never asked for money, or even help. She was determined to make it work on her own, and she did.
Then one day, Denae met a man and they fell in love. They are married now and have a beautiful little girl. She is an amazing mom and wife. She cherishes the life she built. And she did it all on her own. I am so proud of her.
When I think about how this little backward, homeschooled, country girl left the backwoods of nowhere, in search of a new life in a place so very big and unfamiliar, I can’t help but admire her. I had dreams of my own but was too afraid and unsure to make them come true. But not Denae. She had the dreams and the strength to accomplish whatever she needed to do. She did everything I wanted to do, plus more. I’ve learned so much about strength and perseverance from her.
I think about the days when she was just learning to walk. It was her first step toward independence. Mommas and daddies, don’t rush for your little ones to grow up. They will hold your hand one day as they take those first unsure steps, and then the next day, they are walking to their car and driving to Chicago to make a life of their own. Cherish every moment with your kids. Never take for granted that there is always a tomorrow. Today is all we have.
On January 25, 2020, I opened my up world and ventured into something new and exciting, but also a little scary. I wrote my first blog.
My excitement was intimidated slightly by fear. Would I have enough words to write? Would anyone even care to read my thoughts? Would they return? How do I keep people coming back? Will I run out of things to say?
Well, today, this blog is a celebration of sorts. A milestone. This is my 100th blog. I began this journey 5 months and 5 days ago. Since then I’ve had 2,561+ views and welcomed 940+ visitors into my home with a hot cup of coffee at my table, or on my porch swing.
If I was told in January that I would write 100 blogs by the end of June, I probably would have headed into a major writer’s block. I know me. The pressure I would have experienced would have been great, and I’d be filled with doubt. It would have appeared to be so much bigger than I ever anticipated. But I didn’t know. And thankfully so. I took this task one day at a time. One thought at a time. One blog at a time.
If my blogs returned to me empty, if no one came to sit with me over coffee, and if I had zero likes or comments, would I have been able to continue? No. I’d close my blog, stay at home, and write in a journal. So I am greatly blessed by you, the readers. Without you, there’d be no blog, no coffeewithandi. Unless you actually came to my home and had coffee with me. 🙂
So today, together, we celebrate 100 blogs. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💕
As the day fades into night, and the light into darkness, the vision before me is breathtaking. My own breath begins to slow and deepen. The heaviness of the day leaves my body as tranquility rushes into its vacantness. I feel I am dreaming a dream. A beautiful dream. A dream I will remember with daybreak. .
The sunset is unique. There will never be another like it, as with all sunsets. It changes with every second and every second more brilliant than the last.
May all your nights be this beautiful.
Be grateful for moments like these. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Along a country road near my home, June 24, 2020
Don’t lose minutes, hours, nights and days, worrying about something that may never happen. And even if it does turn out to be something, it probably won’t be near as bad you imagined. Push the negative out of your mind and refill with positive, happy thoughts.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6,7
Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Matthew 6.25
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5.7
Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:34
Do not allow your mind to be as tangled and confused as this tree.
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Proverbs 12:25
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27
When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. Psalm 94:14
Fill your mind with good thoughts. Be busy in your day so as not to allow the negative to sneak into your life.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8
Be grateful for this day…rain and all. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Pilgrim’s Lodge, Maine, October 2010; a Jamaican tree and butterfly, 2016
If you could save time, would you? Is there a day in your life that you’d like to preserve forever? Or a phone call that you never wanted to end? Would you still be gently rocking your sweet baby? (Best days of my life.) Maybe sit with a dying loved one just a little longer? Is there an amazing vacation you would want to relive over and over again? How about that moment when love was perfect and beautiful? Would you stay there forever?
I would have many bottles on the top shelf of my closet, of treasured memories that I would love to reopen every once in awhile. We know it’s not healthy to live in the past, but how wonderful it would be to have a cherished moment wash over you, to relive in detail, from time to time?
Jim Croce sang it beautifully in his song, Time in a Bottle. He’d “save every day till eternity passes away” to spend with his love. While I desire to finish my life with a love of my own, my eternity is reserved for God. That’s my hope anyway.
Rainy days are perfect days to listen to artists like Jim Croce, Rod McKuen, Willy DeVille, Andrea Bocelli, Gordon Lightfoot…to name a few. Currently, it is pouring outside where I am. Rainy days are still good days. A perfect day to open up a bottle of a sweet memory.
If you can’t listen to Time in a Bottle where you are, here are the words of this beautiful song. Maybe this will take you for a lovely walk down Memory Lane.
Time in a Bottle If I could save time in a bottle The first thing that I’d like to do Is to save every day Till eternity passes away Just to spend them with you If I could make days last forever If words could make wishes come true I’d save every day like a treasure and then Again, I would spend them with you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them
I’ve looked around enough to know That you’re the one I want to go Through time with If I had a box just for wishes And dreams that had never come true The box would be empty Except for the memory Of how they were answered by you
But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them I’ve looked around enough to know That you’re the one I want to go Through time with
COPYRIGHT: Writer: Jim Croce
May your day be filled with wonderful music, heartwarming moments, and coffee. 🙂
Be grateful for the memories. ♥️
Andi
Photos: all photos taken in Jamaica, August 2016; 2nd photo courtesy of Jet Kaiser. A wonderful memory with my son and daughter-in-law
For 22 years I looked off and on for something, that I discovered, was never truly lost. What happened, I do not understand.
Actually, it wasn’t a something. It was a someone. I found my friend.
There are a few good things that have come out of this pandemic. Life is slower. You have more down time to think and reflect. You spend more time with family. You cleaned house. You find things that were lost. Today I rejoice in finding Judy.
Judy and I were best friends from the 7th grade on up. Gosh, we had some fun times! A water fight…indoors. Getting stuck in windows…in daylight. Walking to a mom & pop store for frozen chocolate-covered bananas and Charleston Chews.
We’d even sneak out of our homes in the middle of the night and meet each other halfway. I’m guessing we lived about 2 miles apart. I can’t imagine doing that in today’s world. It was dark and scary. And getting hung up in a briar patch was painful. As was running into an old discarded pool in the pitch of night as we tried to avoid the roads as much as possible. Scars and bruises, stickers in our socks…ahhhh, treasured souvenirs of our successful mission. We were always together. We planned to one day take off for the southwest to camp at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. We even started making rugged pillow cases out of pieces of our old denim jeans. The talks we had were endless. The Steve Miller Band and Eagles were always playing in the background. We never tired of each other’s company.
When it was time for high school, we were separated because of where we each lived. She went to one campus and I went to the other. She wasn’t there long before her family moved to Tennessee. And then my family moved to Indiana at the beginning of our junior year.
Judy had to get married at the very young of 17. When I say she had to I mean because she was so in love with such a wonderful guy that she just had to get married. They were perfect for each other. I took a Grey Hound bus to Tennessee to be maid of honor in their wedding and they are still married today. That is quite a feat nowadays. She was matron of honor in mine a couple of years later. Judy and her husband had two children a few years later. I went on to have six.
Somehow we lost touch with each other around 1998. I’m not even going to speculate what happened, because honestly, I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense. All I know is that over the years I tried to find her. I knew she would never be on social media, but I tried anyway to find someone with the same last name and general location. I did the people search thing too. I came up with nothing.
A little over a month ago, I was out in the sun and I thought how cool it was that this was the same sun that she and I would tan under. I immediately got back on FaceBook and searched again. I found her new daughter-in-law. She was in a picture with a man I knew had to be Judy’s son. I sent her a private message and asked about Judy. She wrote back very excitedly and Judy and I are now in contact with each other and have spoken on the phone. She is still living in the same place as the last time we talked 22 years ago! How did this happen? I’m very confused. Maybe we will figure it out as we catch up on 22 years of life. But I’m certainly glad she is back.
Losing things is quite bothersome to me. I couldn’t find my keys the other day. It drove me nuts because I like to know where my things are. I don’t like misplacing anything, or anyone.
Sometimes I lose something but it’s right there in front of me, in my hand, or on my head. Or under a gorilla mask on a table. (My keys)
Sometimes I need help to find what I’m looking for. (My girls scatter to help me.)
Sometimes time and prayer is needed for the lost to be found.
Sadly, sometimes things (or people) are lost and will remain lost.
And then sometimes I feel I lost something when I really never had it to begin with. (My heart hurts.)
Never give up hope. Maybe patience is in order. I believe that everything happens for a reason although we do not always understand. I also believe that God’s timing is perfect if you have faith.
During our first phone call, Judy shared with me a dream she had the week before. She said she felt I was looking for her and there I was walking up her road.
Today, I hope you find something you have lost.
Be grateful for things found. Don’t give up on things lost. Timing might be everything. ♥️
Andi
Photos: Judy, mid ‘70’s; Judy in TN; Judy and me, mid ‘70’s; Judy and her guy, 1978, TN; my matron of honor, 1980; Judy and my dog Rufus, mid ‘70’s
Muse (n.) a person or spirit that gives a writer, painter, artist, etc. ideas and the desire to create things.
I started to write in the eighth grade. I wrote for a couple of years in school, and then as an adult, I submitted writings to “Letters to the Editor” in various newspapers, mostly on controversial issues, and I wrote our annual family Christmas letter. I just dabbled here and there. I started a children’s story but didn’t finish it. I wrote poetry. Most of which I didn’t keep. When I had an issue with one of the kids I’d write them a letter. I feel I communicate better through the written word than verbally. Oh, and I once had my own column in a newspaper for awhile. My passion is in writing. I love it. It’s always been there. I just didn’t know how to channel it. I didn’t know what to do with it. And then I found my muse and it all came together.
A muse, according to definition, can be a person or a spirit that inspires you to create. I’m not sure I would use the word spirit though. It doesn’t sit well with me as the term spirit is big and broad and not always good. Unless your muse is God. He is spiritual and His love alone is inspiration to do great things. He’s more inspirational than anyone or anything as He is the Creator of it all.
I used to write political posts on FaceBook but that only got me in trouble. Out of frustration, I pretty much stopped writing altogether. My muse helped to bring to the surface that which I had buried deep inside. It opened me up to see life anew. So I returned to writing posts on FaceBook, but differently. I began to write inspiring thoughts. I was more positive and uplifting which made me feel better as a person. I made a connection with the hearts of people instead of making enemies through political arguments. Then I started to receive messages and comments that my posts were actually helping others, along with sweet notes of encouragement for me to continue to write. This made me very happy. I realized then that I had much more to say and since I’m not the biggest fan of FaceBook, my kids encouraged me to start a blog, which truthfully, scared me. But I did it. And here I am.
It is possible to lose your muse if your muse is a person. That’s just a reality in the human world. But don’t let that stop you from feeling what was presented to you. A muse brings with it a very positive, deep emotion; a connection between you both. Once it awakens your senses and revives your soul, stay there. Don’t allow yourself close again. Remember what it’s like to be open; to be able to see and feel and explore and create, like a child when life is brand new. Focus on the possibilities. Just don’t quit.
My muse ignites a light in me. My muse opens up my heart and mind to think about things with a deeper appreciation, makes me wonder like a child, causes me to embrace life a littler closer, and love a little deeper.
I won’t share who or what my muse is because I am afraid that it would spoil the magic. ✨ But I am grateful for my muse. If you have a muse who steadies your hand as you paint, gives your mind new vision, and opens your heart to opportunity and creativity, embrace it. Whomever, or whatever, it is. And if your muse is human, they may not even be aware of their positive influence in your life unless you tell them. You might tell them.
Thank you for sitting with me for a bit. hope the coffee is good and your day even better.
Andi ♥️
Photos: Sand Beach, ME; Big Long Lake, IN (see the heart?); in my once-upon-a-time woods; me, on my porch swing 2019
Is the heaviness of today getting you down? Probably to some degree. Dealing with this on top of the ebbs and flows of our personal life makes every day a little more challenging. I’ve noticed more frequently in public now, the frustration among people as the mask wearing lingers on and an irritation at just hearing the phrase social distancing. It’s become kind of like the nails on a chalkboard, or for me, it’s running your fingers through carpet. It sets my teeth on edge. I’m glad you have been staying with me so we go through these days together. Some days you can tell when things are getting to me as well and I certainly don’t mean to discourage. I hope you always find something positive to pull from my blog. At the very least, you may realize that we are not alone with our feelings and frustrations. But today I’ll let you in on a little secret. There is a way to escape and find some peace. Actually, it’s not a secret as I’ve talked about it numerous times.
God gives us many beautiful gifts during our days upon this earth. I think the bulk of those gifts are the very simple ones that we tend to overlook in our busy day. I like to think of it as a sanctuary of sorts. A place where we can relax, meditate, and find some peace. The gift of a nature. I know I have written many, many times about nature, but what’s too much? It’s so important that I just have to throw it into a blog whenever I can. I have always loved nature, but now I see it in an even better light. It is quite healing.
These are a few of my favorite things…🎶
Flowers. They add color, beauty, and fragrance to our world. There is such a variety of flowers. It’s quite amazing. And because someone labeled a flower as a weed, doesn’t mean that’s how that flower began once upon a time.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe that God added flowers and plants for us to enjoy most everywhere. I enjoy the beauty of salidago, or as farmers call it, goldenrod.
I love Queen Anne’s Lace. Clover. Dandelions too. Wild flowers help the bees to survive, so they in turn, will keep us alive.
Joy and contentment can be found in the elegance of an orchid, in bright orange poppies, happy gerbera daisies, long-lasting carnations, and in the tiny bells of Lily of the Valley.
To add to our list are sunny sunflowers, alstroemeria, lilies, and roses in an array of color and each with its own meaning.
White is for purity. Yellow for friendship. Orange is passion. Red is ultimate love. Lavender, my favorite, means love at first sight.
Trees add beauty as well as shade to our landscape. Besides giving us the air we breathe they are homes to many animals. The other evening as I sat on my back porch, I heard the most beautiful peaceful sound. All the treetops in the woods behind my house rustled with the wind.
Sometimes we don’t listen close enough to really hear the sounds of nature. But there are many soothing sounds. I suggest you close your eyes and just listen. Later that night, when the trees hushed their music, I watched the lightening bugs flit over and around the field and up into the trees, adorning them like strings of Christmas lights. Little wonders.
The wind, once considered to be my enemy, is probably what I cherish most in nature anymore as I have grown to love it. It’s probably what I search for first when I go outside. I want to feel it brush across my cheeks, around my ears, and neck, and beneath my hair. The breeze is filled with romance and girlish dreams of love. Dreams I cling to even to this day. My hair dances as the wind runs it’s wild fingers through it. I am no longer annoyed with the messiness and tangles the wind leaves behind. Driving with the windows down wasn’t something I did often. But now I do. If I end up with crazy hair after a drive, oh well. I no longer worry so much about trivial things.
Standing on the shore of the salty sea, as I think about all the history and mystery out there in the deep, the wind and misty sprays give my hair and skin a treatment that no professional can match. Not to mention what it does for my soul.
But my favorite wind of all is the coolness of an autumn breeze as it fills my heart with hope and love. I truly am a hopeless romantic. And while most find spring to be a renewing, I find my peace in a mid-October breeze. I never feel more alive than I do in the fall. I find great comfort in the wind.
So much to be grateful for in nature. All the living beings, great and small,
the vastness of a starry sky, the ever-changing weather, and the secrets hidden in the depth of the ocean. Don’t take anything for granted. Even fresh air has never been more appreciated than now during these mask wearing days. I admit that I took fresh air for granted.
Sometimes we need help finding our way back to the beginning. Read Genesis 1-2:3. That’s the very beginning when God created all things beautiful. Why did He create such a variety of plants and animals? Was it for His pleasure or ours? Maybe both, I suppose. But I believe He wanted to make the world more wonderful, beautiful, and fascinating for us. After reflecting upon creation, travel forward to your childhood. Children have a great connection with the earth with all their how’s and why’s. We tend to forget as we get older. Find the child in you again. I needed help to find my way back. Maybe I can help you as well.
I hope you enjoy a big slice of nature today along with a cup of coffee with me. I look forward to it.
Be grateful for God’s creation. He absolutely knew what we needed in this life. ♥️
Andi
An added note: Walking barefoot through the sands of a beach, or in your grassy lawn, grounds you to the earth. There’s much positive energy in the earth and we should connect with that as often as possible…but you’ll need to take your shoes off. You can do this. 🙂
Research grounding and it’s surprising benefits. I’ve included a couple of links below.
Photos: a poppy in Italy; a sunset at my home; a bee on thistle; a scenic view in Story, IN; my beautiful orchid; Lily of the Valley; my garden rose; the field and woods behind my home; the Atlantic coastline on a windy day; a north eastern fall day in October (2 pics); a baby praying mantis on my porch swing (credit: Charlie); my youngest many years ago; and me on a mountaintop loving the wind
Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset; forbearance, tolerance, restraint, long suffering.
Virtue: behavior showing high moral standards; goodness, righteousness, morality.
One of my favorite scripture verses begins in Galatians 5:22. I can easily remember this verse because it happens to be my birthdate.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ESV
It should be our earthly goal to embrace these fruits. That often takes much forethought. We need to weigh our words and deeds before they ever leave our body.
Why do we rush things? Do we speak too hastily? Are we patient in the wrong situations and not so in situations that require long suffering? I know that I failed in this more often that I care to remember. We hurt others. We get hurt in the process. Situations spiral out of control. Friendships are broken. Maybe even souls lost. All because of our thoughtless sense of urgency overrides patience.
When you think of God observing His creation and all the evil that is running rampant, you wonder how He doesn’t destroy the earth now. But He is long suffering that no one should perish (be lost). That’s true love.
2 Peter 3:8,9
8 But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but all should reach repentance. ESV
Patience. I am a work in progress. I still fail all too often but I truly am trying. All I ask is that you might be patient with me.
I missed my Sunday message. I apologize. So here it is, just a little late. My focus has been off and the words hard to find. But I’ll get my rhythm back.
Thank you for being here with me.
I am grateful. ♥️
Andi
Photos: orchids at a greenhouse; the white one came home with me. I love orchids.
Birthdays and Christmas were big when the kids were young and still at home. Christmas was so much fun for this Mrs. Claus. I tried to get most everything, if not everything, on their wish list, or spelled out in detail in their letters to Santa. I have a couple of notebooks where I kept track of everything they received, including what was in their stocking, with all the dollar amount totals. It’s how I kept track of every person we bought for, for every Christmas. I think I did a good job balancing it all out. And Christmas was magical.
The only gift I think that maybe was a flop was a go-kart for my two oldest boys. (Really there’s no thinking about it as it still comes up in conversation. It was.) My now-ex, had someone build it and asked me what color we should paint it. We knew we wanted a neon color. Something bright and fun. To this day I do not know what I was thinking as I chose hot neon pink for my sons’ go-kart. So that’s what it was painted. I’m so sorry, boys. It was a little humiliating. Okay. A lot humiliating. I’m just glad we lived pretty much in the middle of nowhere. (Insert cheesy smile.)
Many times the kids would receive gifts that could possibly become collectors items years down the road. My now-ex would tell the children it’s worth more in the box. So my kids would immediately proceed to destroy the box to get the toy out and play with it. Yeah, they were rebellious like that.
When you think of all the things we subconsciously, or consciously, set aside to save for that perfect time, like an antique set of China, maybe a beautiful necklace or earrings, a shirt, a nice pair of boots, perfume, or a sweet little nightie, it adds up to many things that are only sporadically enjoyed, if ever. My question is why do we leave them in the box, the top drawer of the dresser, in the back of the closet, or in the bottom of the hutch? In the long run, are these things really worth more by using less or admiring from the box on a shelf?
Everyday is a gift. Unwrap it and enjoy every bit of it. Don’t put things away only to be used for a moment seven months from now. Use it today and enjoy it. Get that China out when you have that weeny roast. Well, maybe not that. But make it a point to use it for Sunday meals instead of only Thanksgiving or Christmas. If a plate gets broke, it gets broke. In the scheme of things, it’s just a plate. The time together is the real gift.
Last week a man passed away suddenly and way too soon. My best friend passed away at 54. We don’t know if we have a tomorrow or a next day. We don’t even know if we will make it home tonight to sleep in our bed. I say use that perfume. Buy those flowers. Open that bottle of wine. Wear that shirt. Open that box. Don’t wait for certain moments to be special. Make every moment special. Truly, nothing is worth more left in the box. The value is in today.
I would never take back a single moment of watching my kids tear up a box of a possible collectors item. No amount of money can replace the joy on their faces as they opened their gifts or of the sweet memories of Christmases long ago.
Cherish every moment. Make them as special as you can. It’s all we truly have.
Thanks for the coffee time this morning. I appreciate all the moments I am able spend with you.
Coffee with Andi 