You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone

My parents built our house for 20 some thousand dollars back in the early 60’s. It was probably more solidly built than those of today. Our home had three bedrooms and one bathroom with a full basement. Dad designed our basement into four rooms with a huge bar that angled through two of them. All the walls and the bar were built with cedar. He did all the work himself.

My parents loved to party when we were growing up. Maybe Dad more so than Mom though. My dad was a bartender for the Knights of Columbus. And he was bartender for the many parties thrown at our home. We kids would have to go to bed early on the party nights but we could hardly wait to wake up the next morning to see what party treats were still left over. You know…like those tiny soft mints in pastel colors and bowls of chips and nuts.

Drinking was a very common sight during our growing up years. It’s what all the adults did for fun when they got together. I remember going to a relative’s house, I think my great-aunt’s, and my dad was sitting at the bar. I guess everyone had one back then. He was wearing a suit. I don’t know why. I climbed up on a bar stool and sat next to him. I could tell that he wasn’t quite sober but he wasn’t quite drunk either. Someplace in between. He had a drink in front of him on the bar and both hands wrapped around it. He talked to me quietly while staring down into his glass. I don’t recall what all he said. I only remember one sentence. And that sentence has never left my mind. Ever.

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

That’s a tough concept for a little girl to understand. Parents are supposed to live forever. His words made me feel sad…and maybe a little guilty. Was I a girl who didn’t appreciate her daddy? Why was he telling me this? I couldn’t quite grasp what he was saying to me, and I didn’t know what questions to ask, or even how I should respond, but those words have echoed inside me throughout my life.

Maybe some things aren’t meant to be shared with little ones. I know he meant no harm. But I carried his words throughout my life…and his.

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.

Yes, Dad. I miss you.

I really do. ♥️

Andi