Original post: March 29, 2021, the day our dad was removed from life support. Edited.

I’ve been thinking of my sister a lot lately. My parents, my brother, and my sister moved 700 miles away from me in 1982. My father worked for IBM and was transferred…again. I was married then and expecting my first baby when the transfer came up. So I’ve not lived near my family for most of my life.

She and I were both born in May, not quite a year apart. So for twelve days we are the same age. Currently, we are both 62 until I turn 63 next week.

I’ve been listening to the Eagles for the last couple of days. The music takes me back to a place long ago when we were but carefree teenagers simply loving life. Where has the time gone?

March 28th. Our first night together has lasted about two days, so it seems. My sister made it to our hotel about 7:00 pm. It took her eleven hours to get here by car. My flight was a little late but I had arrived about 3:30. Once in my room, I cried hard for about two hours, and then fell asleep.

My sister had a picture of Dad on the dashboard of her car. She talked to, laughed at, and yelled at him for eleven hours, just as if he was in the car with her. He kept her from crying as she drove. And he got her here safely to me.

Our night was spent in conversation of various topics. Mostly about our family. Funny things our kids have said and done, and the trials she had in the final two years of Mom’s life. Dementia is cruel. There’s no other way to describe it. We laughed and we cried.

We sat in the room. We sat by the pool. And we went back to the room. Wow, it didn’t take long for the humidity to work it’s magic on my hair. (Thanks, Dad. ♥️)

We turned on TCM since my brother isn’t here. I’d start to fall asleep so we’d turn it off. As soon as it was turned off, I was wide awake again. We’d turn TV back on and talk, and I’d start to fall asleep. When it was off my mind kicked in. It wasn’t about to let me sleep.

March 29th. Finally, at 2:00 am, after several turn-offs and back-ons, she asked me, “Do you know what bananas are good for?” Well, I know they are good for many reasons but I figured she must have something new to share.

“What?”

“Bananas are supposed to help you sleep. Want one?”

“Yes, I do.”

So she and I ate bananas at 2 am, and I believe it was the best banana I’ve ever had. Did it help me sleep? Not really. Not tonight anyway. But it was the best ever. Just another special moment shared between two exhausted sisters.

Time is moving slowly. In the darkness, periodically, I hear her sob into her pillow. She tries to stifle it so as not to wake me. But I’m already wide awake. I don’t let her know though as she needs her own moments to feel everything just as I had mine earlier. We meet with hospice at 10:30 this morning. That’s what is weighing so heavily upon us tonight. This night is never ending. But the alternative is for time to go by quickly, and frankly, neither of us is ready for that. 💔

Andi

All through history from the creation through present time man has battled between right and wrong, good and evil. Many strive to be righteous according to God’s will. Some try to walk the line between God’s will and their own. And then there are some who blatantly defy God. Sadly, there is an ever-growing people who love darkness over light and choose to worship the evil in this world.

So who is the enemy of God?

Our identity begins in our heart. At least that’s the way I see it.

Scripture says, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7

What do you think in your heart?

Ask anyone who knows me. My head is swimming with thoughts…continually. D often watches me with curiosity. I’m all over the place and there’s nothing he can do about it but smile. If my body got as much exercise as my mind, I’d be the greatest athlete this world has ever seen.

But, truthfully, I know my thoughts can be very selfish at times. Sometimes unforgiving. Greedy. And often void of God. It takes great discipline to keep him first and foremost in my thoughts. You wouldn’t think it would be so difficult when you love him. But it is and I’m trying to do better.

Am I an enemy of God? There was a time in my life when I was angry with him. And I got comfortable with that anger. Do you know why? Because if I remained angry with him I had an excuse to not have to do anything. That’s what it became. An excuse. As time went on, I wasn’t even truly angry anymore. I just used anger as an excuse to get out of doing anything. You know like praying, worshipping, studying, giving, loving. Those all took away from my time. Was I an enemy of God then? Yes, I believe I would have been lost had I died in that state. I was fully aware of what I was doing. And that’s a scary thought.

I believe if our walk in life is solely for our own benefit and our own glory we are an enemy of God. When we worship ourself instead of God, yes. The created over the Creator, Romans 1:25.

Jesus says if you aren’t with me, you are against me.

Matthew 12:30: Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.

Luke 11:23: Anyone who is not for me is against me; if he isn’t helping me, he is hurting my cause.

I believe that is a good indication of an enemy of God. If you are hindering his will you are not a friend but a foe.

Do we have to be as extreme as a worshipper of Satan in order to be an enemy of God? I don’t believe so. All you have to do is nothing. Satan loves this quiet place because he doesn’t have to do much but enjoy the show. That’s why we need to check ourself continuously to make sure we are on the same page as God.

Our desire should be to grow in the knowledge of God, and to seek his righteousness in everything until the day we die.

I started this post many weeks ago but I cannot recall what inspired this particular topic. I thought I’d finish it and post it anyway.

♥️

Andi

Photos: my white lilac, 2016

During the 2020 lockdowns, two of my daughters and I spent a lot of time outside on our deck. I remember those first two weeks were very quiet in our neighborhood. No one was driving anywhere. It was a strange time for sure and the quietness reminded me of the three days after the bombing of the Twin Towers when the sky was traveled only by birds and bugs and clouds because all aircraft was grounded.

But the first two weeks of lockdown (before things began to not make rational sense) were really good for me. That’s when I did a lot more sky-gazing. I fell in love with the wind, and with every beautiful change in the sky, I dreamed a little deeper.

This year’s sky has been exciting with the eclipse in April, brilliant full moons, and last night with the Aurora. This Aurora was very unique in that it could be visible as far south as Alabama, depending on weather conditions. I was talking to my coworker about it early in the day but then forgot about it until my daughter-in-law texted me a little after 11:00 last night. She excitedly sent me these two pictures taken by my son, Jet.

What is even more unique is that you can barely see this with the naked eye but your camera sees it all. Jet noticed the sky looked a little different from his bedroom window. He had forgotten about the Aurora as well until then. So he started taking pictures. His camera picked up what his eyes could not. After seeing his pictures, I got dressed and went outside.

My sky was dark. I took pictures anyway and tried to look at them while outside. Nothing. I couldn’t see anything but darkness. Nothing extraordinary like Jet’s. When I went back to bed, I looked again at the pictures I took…and, wow…absolutely amazing.

I must have caught the tail end of the Aurora. Although, not as vibrant as Jet’s, the sky was still very beautiful. I went out again a few minutes later and took this last picture. It is the same view as the first picture I took above.

I’m not sure but I think we might be able to see it again tonight if I understood correctly. I will try earlier and maybe drive to an open field to a larger sky.

The sky amazes me with all its complexities and beauty. God was so gracious to give us such wonderful gifts in nature, not only for pleasure but for pure, unadulterated entertainment. In a world that’s not always so kind, every piece of his creation becomes more valued and treasured to me. Like the ever-changing sky, the complexity of pond life, the variety of birds with their unique songs of love, and the beautiful animal life found in and around the thick of a woods.

Simply put, God is so good to us. Sometimes we just don’t appreciate him enough.

♥️

Andi

Ponds can be breathtakingly beautiful. They attract all kinds of wildlife in and around its perimeter. D has one such pond. The wildlife he sees on a daily basis is really quite remarkable.

This past weekend we saw three deer, a momma white skunk, a ground hog, three goofy young male turkeys who I refer to as the boys, a pair of Canadian geese, and our absolute favorite, Mr. and Mrs. Wood Duck. We were beyond ecstatic that wood ducks decided to make their home around his pond. D had never seen a wood duck before.

The pond is also surrounded by birds, birds, and more birds. Two of D’s favorite birds are the Eastern bluebirds and tree swallows. Tree swallows are very fast as they flit over the top of the water, diving with great speed to snatch a bug. It is fascinating how they do this over and over throughout the day.

The other day D was watching the beauty in his backyard. From his patio, you can watch animals along the tree line that venture up into the yard and the activity of the pond. But, nature isn’t always so pretty or kind. Sadly, that day, a Peregrine Falcon made a dive into this safe haven and grabbed a precious tree swallow. Such is the circle of life. There really is no such thing as a safe haven in the wild.

The pond is home to many fish as well. Blue gill, bass, crappie, grass carp, and to our dismay, some very large catfish. The catfish were here before D bought this place three years ago. The catfish have become problematic because of their size and their very large mouths. They need to be out of the pond.

Last evening, D and I decided to take the golf cart to the pond. We were going to see if we could catch those catfish. We are hoping that the wood ducks will have little ones but they would be easy prey for those big-mouthed bad boys.

It was very much dusk when we drove near the dock. I noticed that we startled the female wood duck who had been sitting undetected along the water’s edge. She wanted to move away from us so she got into the water and swam under the dock to the other side and then continued out into deeper water.

We watched her swim with pure adoration. Female wood ducks are very beautiful. But in the dim light I could easily mistake her for a mallard duck. She swam away but kept watchful eye on us as we gazed back at her.

And then, in an instant….she was gone. Faster than a blink of an eye. No splashing. No noise. No nothing. A catfish had pulled her under and our beloved wood duck was gone. It was as though she never existed. Our hearts broke. My heart hurt for her mate and the eggs that might be waiting for her warmth. She was more afraid of us than the instinct that warned her of danger that lurks beneath the water at dusk. It was the saddest moment ever.

We got back in the golf cart and drove back to the house.

It’s hard to understand sometimes this truly unpleasant side of life. But it’s what maintains life. And life has to be balanced. But now more than ever, we want those catfish out of the pond. They are going to throw life out of balance in and around this beautiful pond.

I’m trying hard not to think about the wood duck family that won’t be and for the male who is now alone. It’s so sad to me.

So for now we will watch for all the other new springtime babies that will soon infiltrate life around the pond. We will find great joy in that. ♥️

Andi

Yesterday evening was a little scary. In the town where I was working, the weather turned ugly very quickly although we had been keeping up on the predicted bad weather forecast throughout the day. The tornado sirens went off at least two times. I heard twice. The rain was extremely heavy.

The guys I work with went outside and watched the skies. A couple of them came back in and said we need to find shelter. So my coworker, R, and I ran to an internal room in the back of the huge building. I don’t know what you call this type of building. It is very large and the inside is pretty much one massive room that is a showroom of furniture and appliances. These are the types of buildings you see on the news where tornadoes and high winds peel the roof off seemingly quite easy. You know like those cans of tuna or seafood you opened with a key. So we ran to the back and sat in a work/ storage room.

When the siren went off again, the men started talking about us getting to a coworker’s home because he has a basement. My after-thought now is we should have stayed right where we were.

Several guys took off in a car. R said she was going to drive her Jeep so J hopped in with her because he knew how to get to the coworker’s house. They were yelling for me to go with them. So I ran to the Jeep. The rain was so heavy and I was drenched by the time I got to the Jeep. I opened the back door and oh.my.gosh….could that backseat have been any higher up? This seat was in the nose bleed section. How I am supposed to hoist myself up?!

I’m being poured on. I’m slippery. The Jeep is slippery. I cannot lift my leg up to put my foot on the teeny tiny ledge!

My denim capris were already tight but now they were tighter and heavier from being drenched with rain water. I could not lift my carcass up. I’m throwing my upper body into the Jeep but my lower half would not follow. I’d slide right back out.

R and J are still yelling for me to get in. After I slid out again, I said that I was just going to stay at the store. They were yelling, “No, get in! Let’s go!” Half my body was sorta in and I’m yelling. “Go! Go!” Of course, she couldn’t drive across town with the door open and my arse and legs hanging out.

J is trying to grab me and pull me in from his front passenger seat. I do not know how but I managed to pull myself in. I think J had a grip on me and pulled too. Then we sped off.

I couldn’t get buckled in until halfway there. We were barreling through high water, heavy rain, and hail. We did a bit of hydroplaning as well. All I could think about was dying from a rollover and not the tornado.

We finally made it to the house. Those two blew out of the Jeep with no problem and ran the distance to the house. I tried to gracefully slide out of the jeep but that slide turned my wet capris into a thong.

I ran through the heavy rain and deep puddles to get to the house. Then there we stood dripping wet on the kitchen floor before going on down into the basement.

Then I started freezing. And then we all started laughing about me trying to get into the jeep. I laughed and said I’m walking back. I’m glad I found it humorous too.

When we had to get back into the Jeep to head back to the store, J got down on the ground with one knee up. He made a step for me. I apologized if I hurt his knee and he said, “Don’t worry, I lift refrigerators all the time.” Gee, thanks J! We laughed again at the comparison.

This morning as I move around, I notice that all the muscles in my back ache. I have bruises on my shins, a sore wrist, bruised knees, and an achy left shoulder. And, most painfully, a bruised ego. I have never felt so weak in my life. I was always a picture of strength. Just 10.5 short years ago, I ran the Warrior Dash and was in excellent condition. I scaled walls and ran through, over, and under numerous obstacles while passing young men in their 20’s along the way. So this was rather disheartening.

I guess I see a new challenge ahead for me. Regaining strength. I don’t ever want to feel that I might be left behind again.

Yesterday, I made a memory with my new coworkers. We can laugh now but at the time it was a little scary. I’m glad it all worked out well and the town’s people didn’t suffer like so many in the states south and west of us.

While I added humor to yesterday’s experience always be safe and be smart during weather warnings. Tornadoes are nothing to mess with. ♥️

Andi

When we were kids living on North Bonnie Brook Lane, in Waukegan, Illinois, my siblings and I and a couple of our neighborhood friends would get excited for May Day. We had learned about this fun May Day tradition in grade school.

We would cut up strips of paper and weave tiny baskets. Sometimes we used crayons to color the strips of paper first before weaving because we didn’t have colored construction paper. We weren’t the best at weaving but we sure had fun.

Then we headed out into the open fields around our house in search of wild flowers to fill our little lopsided baskets.

Once we filled the baskets with yellows and purples, pinks and white, we set out on our mission. We had to work fast before our flowers wilted too badly.

As we walked down our road, we’d take turns running up to a house and setting a single basket on the porch. We’d ring the doorbell, yell Happy May Day! and run back to the group who was already fast ahead of us running down the road. We didn’t want to be seen. We wanted the neighbor to see only the gift of a flowery May basket left for them, and not us. We were just kids being kids back in a day when our world was much less scary.

May Day is a celebration of springtime. New life. New beginnings. As an adult now I see it as a welcomed renewal.

I hope this May Day brings new hope and vision to your life. My three girls have always loved the month of May. It is a beautiful time of the year. ♥️

Andi

Sometimes when you start feeling sorry for yourself (me) for missing life with your kids, it is humbling to hear about their experiences in life, especially with children of their own. I was greatly humbled this morning. Even though I miss my little ones, I do not want to keep my kids from experiencing life as an adult/parent. It is quite magical at times.

I received a text from my son, Jet, this morning. He and his wife, Dani, have a daughter, Juneau, who is a mere two years old.

Jet’s text:

Finally had a warm night to take June back in the woods behind our house where all the frogs are singing. We went back there at about 8 o’clock and stayed for an hour, and she was able to see some spring peepers with their throats inflated and singing very loudly.

I also found a medium-size snapping turtle that I was able to show her. When we got back at about 9:30 we had a little snack before bed and we were sitting out on the screen porch enjoying our snacks in complete darkness when June said, “best day.”

Never heard her say that before and we have no idea where she heard it, but it was quite a tearjerking moment.

Out of the mouths of babes. There’s nothing more precious.

I hope you have many “best days” in your life. ♥️

Andi

My Charlie just texted me that she is boarding the plane now that will take her home. I cried when I dropped her off at the departure gate. And I am crying now.

A mother’s heart wants the best for her children. She thinks about this all through those tough, but amazing nurturing years. And she thinks about the time when they will eventually leave her arms…and her home. But I’m not sure she truly grasps the realty of it because she’s living in the moment. I surely did not.

When my oldest daughter moved 4 hours away, twelve years ago, well…that was one of the worst days of my life. I ran hard at the park after she drove away. It was 103 degrees. I ran three plus miles until I ended up collapsing on the cold concrete floor of the park bathroom. I should have called for help but I just laid there until my body cooled off and I could get up on my own. Twelve years later, it’s still so very hard to say goodbye after a visit.

After I dropped my Charlie off at the airport, I broke down. Yes, while driving. My youngest daughter gently held onto my arm.

I continued onto Plainfield to make a quick stop. It was here I became even more emotional as I recalled the years I brought my four youngest children here to shop. We had so much fun together! Tonight, I just want my kids back. Change is difficult for me. I wasn’t quite ready for my littles to grow up and leave even though, at the time, I wondered if and when they would ever grow up. But I’ve learned so much over the past few years. I learned that I didn’t cherish enough every-single-minute with my little ones when they were home.

A mother’s heart is strong yet can break rather easily. Memories often do that. Goodbyes, though, are a surety that her heart will shatter.

She just never believed that this day would come.

I miss my Charlie tonight.

A mother’s heart….♥️ 💔

Andi

The power of the sun is quite remarkable. I have been thinking about this ever since the eclipse on Monday.

We were fortunate to witness the eclipse in our area. My family gathered together out in the country, away from the rush of onlookers who traveled here from other parts of the country.

My son, Jet, a photographer/videographer, brought his gear with him. Cameras, tripods, and a drone. I haven’t seen the footage taken by the drone yet.

The weather could not have been more perfect for a family gathering, picnic, and totality of the eclipse. As the moon covered the sun’s rays strange things began to happen. The birds stopped singing and the frogs began to chirp their night songs. A friend of mine who was elsewhere, later told me that a rooster gathered the hens to the henhouse to bed down for the night. The sunset was 360 degrees. No matter which direction you looked there was a glow along the horizon as if the sun was setting. The temperature dropped as well and several of us grabbed our jackets.

As the moon moved across the sun, and light began to appear, the birds began to sing their early morning songs and the frogs became silent. And the friend’s rooster crowed. The beautiful sunrise was also 360 degrees. Amazing. Jackets came off.

As I reflect on this, I realize the sun’s influence on all of life and of its great power. I can’t help but thank God for the sun and how it blesses this earth.

We have much to be grateful for. ♥️

Andi

Photos: a sunrise, taken by my daughter, Mattea; some of my girls enjoying the eclipse; Jet and his camera; last three photos are Jet’s

Once in a while something brings to my memory an actor or musician from days gone by and I have to research them to see what they are up to. A few nights ago, I searched David Cassidy. He was a heartthrob for many girls during the Partridge Family days.

According to Wikipedia, David Cassidy had a serious alcohol problem. That’s pretty sad but drug and alcohol addiction seems to be the norm in the world of show business. Sadly, it apparently put an end to his career.

David died while waiting for a liver transplant. His daughter stated that her father’s last words were “so much wasted time”.

How sad that those were his final words spoken on this earth. I certainly do not want to be on my deathbed only to focus on regret and what went wrong in my life, or agonizing over the fact that much of my time spent here was wasted on the passing thrills of this world.

I have regrets, yes. I’m pretty sure we all do. But I would hope that my last thoughts would be of love and reassurance to my family. I would want to be an encouragement for them to become stronger in their faith in God, and to push forward.

As we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior today (and hopefully, everyday), let’s renew our relationship with him. Asking for forgiveness while forgiving ourselves as well. Leaving our past behind and walking in the light of the one who loves us most. Let’s not waste time with things that pull us away from all that is good. Let us determine in our hearts that some variations of wasted time do nothing good for our soul and should be left alone. Much of what this world has to offer can leave us cold and empty. Jesus desires quite the opposite for us.

Don’t leave this earth in sadness but in the joy of knowing you tried your hardest to be the best version of you.

And don’t let your final words be “so much wasted time”. Let your words be that of love, strength, and encouragement. ♥️

Andi

Back in 2016, I was working for a florist. On November 1st of that year, my best friend of over 30 years passed away suddenly in her sleep. I was devastated.

Because I was so distraught, my boss allowed me to work in an area of the store where I wouldn’t have to talk to people. I simply couldn’t stop crying.

One of those days though was very busy and the store was filled with people. The phone wouldn’t stop ringing either. At one point no one was able to get the phone so I picked it up. Typically, I would answer by saying, “Eitel’s and Company, your personal florist. This is Andi. How may I help you?” But this time I picked up the phone and said, “Eitel’s and Company, your personal floormat….” I have no idea why that came out of my mouth, but I immediately started laughing. Thankfully, the customer laughed right along with me. It was pretty funny.

In another light, have you ever felt like someone’s personal doormat? You know…when you allow people to walk all over you. Perhaps it is because you have difficulty saying no. Or, maybe you feel obligated for whatever reason(s). Perhaps you are a doormat because you simply want to be liked and to fit in. Maybe you are like me in whom other’s place their confidence. But then they unload all their heaviness upon you and you absorb it like a sponge. And now you own it. That’s definitely me. Or, just maybe there is a strong presence in your circle who is kind of a bully. I’ve dealt with that before as well.

My advice to you…and myself, is don’t do that. This is about self-care and self-love. It’s not mean to disallow others from continually wiping their feet on you. For you to be the best you can be in this life you need to take care of you first, mentally, spiritually, and physically.

“If you don’t like being a doormat, then get off the floor.”

I used to think it was selfish and conceited to take care of myself first or even to love myself. I was terribly wrong. I was a hot mess for longer than I care to mention. So don’t think that way.

Today add self-care and self-love to your Honey Do list. Don’t pencil it in. Use permanent marker. ♥️

Andi

Original post: March 30, 2021. Edited.

This was written three years ago, the day after my dad passed. The last six weeks of his life were grueling…agonizing, to say the least. He was not ready. Neither were we.

I didn’t have the closure I really needed. We had a tumultuous relationship, filled with highs and lows. I struggle with this every day still, just as I struggled my whole life when he was alive. I just wanted to know why.

But through those six weeks, and now too after watching Matt pass from this life to the next, I realize just how close we really are to eternity. It’s certainly not something we should take lightly but actually, should actively work towards.

My father passed away yesterday at 12:30 pm. Life support was removed at 12:23 so he was on his own for seven minutes. The hospital staff was beyond gracious. They kept Dad comfortable and pain free as he crossed that thin line between here and there. The three most important women in his life were by his side, his wife of 22 years, my sister and me.

There is a very thin line between life and death. I witnessed that yesterday. We take for granted the abilities of our body to work as it was designed. We take for granted the nutrition found in the food we eat, the water needed for every bodily function beginning at the cellular level, and the clean air we need to oxygenate our blood. Without any one of these, we cross that thin line.

Sometimes we walk that line; challenging it, testing it, teasing it. We don’t realize the fragility of the body and spirit. We were designed in such a way that our bodies will fight its hardest to survive. But sometimes that’s simply not enough anymore.

My dad wasn’t ready to go. He was looking forward to a big 80th birthday celebration in October. But things don’t always go according to our own plans. From a distance, that line appears to be quite broad, but the reality of it is, it’s a very thin line between here and there.

My heart is in pain. My eyes burn from endless tears. My body aches from fatigue. And I want to go home. I have much to sort out, reflect upon, and think about. Life is so very short. And that line between here and there is even thinner than I ever imagined.

I miss my dad. 💔

Andi

I love taking photos. Photos take you back to the very moment you snapped that shot. You can remember most everything surrounding that moment in time. Who you were with. How you were feeling. What was on your mind.

Nature is my favorite subject to photograph. But I also like to take pics of things out of the ordinary.

I was going through my photo albums on my phone last night, trying to get inspiration to write. I ran across some oddball pictures and became inspired.

These are just a few photos of what of what I’d like to share with you. Some photos you may have seen in prior posts.

Guess I just felt like sharing tonight. Hope you enjoyed something a little different from me.

♥️

Andi

Original post: March 7, 2021. Edited.

Yesterday, my daughter and I took a long country drive. We drove to a small farming community just for curiosity’s sake. In the middle of farmland were rows of houses, some with white picket fences, and large mature trees dotted the small town. There was a lone gas station and a small community park on the east side of town from where we entered. We slowly drove through town looking at everything but for nothing in particular. I’m assuming there was a post office although I didn’t see one. Maybe it was near the town hall which I did see. Many of the old buildings, in what would be considered downtown, were vacant. This was sad to me. Although I didn’t grow up in Indiana, I do remember small rural towns that were open for business with very few buildings vacant. Old gas stations, small town restaurants, general stores, floral shops, funeral services, machine shops, appliance stores, and mom and pops full of sweet treats. It was about everyone in the community working together to support their little hometown. I guess I grew up in the Mayberry era. And it was grand.

As we drove around we saw youth in the community which I saw as a good sign. Raising children in a rural Indiana is sweet to me. The school is large (we passed it on the way into town) so I’m assuming it supports several of the rural communities. As for the parents, they would need to commute to the larger cities for work as there is nothing in this town to support them.

The railroad was on the west edge of town and there grain could be loaded into railcars. I drove out of town and into the farmland a little ways before turning around to go back through town again. I wanted to take it all in. I noticed a second church which I missed on our first run through. It looked like a ghost town on the main street. We stopped at the community park to walk our dogs before heading home. That’s where I found that sparkly little brook I posted yesterday. I really wish I had taken pictures of the town to share with you here. But maybe it’s good to use your imagination with this particular post.

This morning I washed my bedding and hung it out on the line. It made me think of days long gone. No one hangs their laundry out anymore. I then thought of a home I saw yesterday in that little town. It was an old, but a very well-kept farmhouse with barns and several outbuildings. It was a very attractive property with its well-groomed yard and landscaping.

The house with its large, welcoming porch, was absolutely beautiful. I can only imagine the thousands of conversations that took place on that porch over the years as friends and family rocked away in those old wooden rocking chairs while sipping on iced tea. The house and all of the buildings were white with black trim. Black iron posts held an attractive sign that told of the business that was located on the premises. A tradesman. A machine shop. Sadly, this is almost nonexistent now. And to me, it’s like losing an old friend.

I remember old farmers and mechanics working out of their own barns and garages. The smell of oil, gas, and hydraulic fluid upon entering was a good smell to me. I remember seeing men with their clothes, faces, and arms greasy and black from their labor. Not to mention the spittle around the corners of their mouth and sometimes dried on their chin.

These old men had much to share about life. They’d tell of their worries about the younger generation while comparing them to their own youthful days of growing up. They’d share their fishing tales, talk politics, discuss the tractors and trucks and other equipment they’ve worked on, and once in awhile throw in humorous bragging on this or that. I regret that the youth of today don’t have the opportunity to sit in a garage or old barn and listen to the old men talk. Those days are mostly gone now.

As for me, I’m going to hang my laundry out until I am no longer physically able to do so. I am grateful that I grew up in the era that I did when I was not-so-far from the old days. I got in on just the tail end.

Above is a picture of when I was a teenager and I’m sitting with my siblings and our great-grandmother who was born in the late 1800’s. Not really so long after the Civil War ended. She traveled by covered wagon, mostly through Minnesota, Wisconsin, and the Dakotas. My how times have changed.

This next picture is a six generation family photo. Paul Harvey spoke of this rare event on his broadcast. My grandmother, my mom’s mother, is holding the baby, and her mother, my great-grandmother, is the oldest one in the picture, the same woman from my first picture.

Days of old…not that they were easy days by any means, but what treasures are found in them. It’s hard to keep the memories alive but it would be in our best interest to bring some of the past back into our present.

Be grateful for the days of old for they have much to teach us about life and living. ♥️

Andi

Original post: March 13, 2022. Edited.

My youngest daughter and I took Nyx for a walk one lovely Sunday afternoon. For most of that day, I’d been going through my jewelry, trinkets, and keepsakes; sorting and pitching as I went. There were a lot of journeys down memory lane. Happy and sad journeys. Much of what I own is from loved ones who are no longer here. So I decided I needed to take a break.

Nyx’s favorite thing is running. So if no one was present in any direction, I would unleash her and let her have some fun. She never goes far from me though. She’s a one-person dog. That person being me. She suffers from separation anxiety so she needs to be very near me.

As we walked, Mattea and I laughed a lot at this crazy dog of mine. We talked a lot too. Walking is always a special time for us. We have each other’s full attention. No distractions. Well, except for Nyx who is trying to grab a tree root to play fetch with, or dragging a huge limb into the pathway.

I enjoyed our mother/daughter conversation. Mostly, she vented about how hard life is. And I agreed. It is hard. And it doesn’t get any easier the older you get. I simply told her: There’s no learning in easy.

There really is no learning in easy. Learning and growing. That’s what we do from birth until death. Trials, hardships, and challenges build character. They mold and shape us into better, more compassionate, people. Or, they should anyway.

Following the path of least resistance doesn’t allow for growth. While easy seems to be a more comfortable, less stressful way to live, in the long run it simply doesn’t teach us much, and it can keep us in a constant state of weakness…and even fear.

Be grateful things aren’t always easy. But also rejoice when you find a patch of peace. Pray for relief when life just seems a bit too much. God is never far but he does allow you to go through hard things so you can become stronger. There’s always a lesson or two to learn. Love those who come to your aid during hardship. It’s a blessing to them as well. I know I am blessed with those who care.

If you have a chance, go for a walk with a loved one. Enjoy conversation with each other without distraction. Well, unless you have your own Nyx to entertain you along the way. ♥️

Andi

No one knows what the future holds for us. For the most part, we cannot foresee the obstacles that will get in the way of our desires, or the hurdles we have to jump in order to get ahead. No one can see, even with those special eclipse glasses, all the scenarios that can happen in a lifetime. Even if we plan our life in detail, one phone call can change absolutely everything.

But still…we have decisions to make along with the innumerable choices available. In our youth, we think that time is pretty much stationary. We are so attentive to the here and now that we just don’t realize that life is moving in fast motion. Then when we are 62 years old we wonder what happened, and…why does my body hurt so much?

So everything important begins in our youth. Not that we aren’t still evolving, learning and growing, into our 60s, 70s, and 80s, because we are. And we can continuously change our dreams and goals along the way. But establishing our end goal should always be our motive for most everything we do and where our energy is.

I was unwise in my younger years. I made poor decisions and choices. I have lived with regret to this day. So younger people, take a good look at us older people. We were not born old. Just the other day we were your age with cool hair, loud music, and fast cars.

Many decisions we made in our young age affect us today…so make good ones. Not hastily or based on a fly-by-moment feeling. My advice is not to make big life-changing decisions when hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. H.A.L.T.

H hungry; A angry; L lonely; T tired

This is a simple reminder to at least slow down our thought process.

You may think that being tired, or hungry, or lonely are little things but sometimes when we act out on those “little” things they become really “big” things and they can definitely alter our future.

So…what are your plans for your life? And what is your end goal? While living in the moment is good, it’s also wise to plan ahead. Especially for where you want to spend eternity. Then all the paths you walk will be made with eternity in mind. If I had that mindset when I was young, my life would be very different today.

Choose a path that won’t hurt others, or disgrace you later. One thoughtless decision can do that. Choose your path, wisely.

♥️

Andi

Photos: most are of Maine; the 6th one is near me, and the last one is from Matt’s property.

Yesterday I came home from my new job…discouraged. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk to a single person. I knew my state of mind would only bring others down. I didn’t want to do that. Not at all. But D did want to talk to me. He wanted to know about my day and about the new job. As you know, I wear my heart on my sleeve. And sometimes I lack discretion. Because we were FaceTiming, I could see my words, my feelings, reflect on his face. Like looking in a mirror I saw my sadness and hopelessness in him. How wrong it was of me to do that to another person. He is a happy man and I robbed him of a moment of joy.

My discouragement comes from me wavering in and out of the decisions I make. For constantly wondering what if. For questioning my judgements. And for desiring the ideal instead of being content in the reality of the moment.

Philippians 4:11: Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

Contentment is something I really need to work on. Really….

This morning I began my day with my stretches while listening to my meditation and my Bible devotion. Then this afternoon I was able to spend time out in the warm sun on my deck.

While relaxing, I thought about yesterday. I decided I should listen to another mediation. I actually ended up listening to several on the Calm app by Jeff Warren. Everything I listened to this morning and this afternoon all pointed me to the same place.

Living in the moment. Being content. Realizing that we cannot avoid unpleasantries. Rising above frustration. Knowing that every moment is just that…a moment. Being realistic and rational. Loving others, always. Instead of looking for the light, be the light. That I am not done learning and growing. I have to do things that are necessary in life. Finding my balance.

God truly provides comfort along with solutions. He did this today.

As far as these three…you may think I’m referencing the Godhead. Well, I will say, I couldn’t be the person I am today without them. And I am ever so grateful. But today I’m referring to something else. The three that bring me the greatest peace in an unsettling world.

Meditation always begins with the breath. As I began to settle into the calm of the moment through meditation this afternoon, I tried to clear my busy mind of the last couple of days.

Mr. Warren suggested I focus on something such as my breath, but while my inhales and exhales were absolutely rewarding, it was a toss up on what to focus upon. Was it the warmth of the sun upon my face, or the whispering wind as it gently brushed against my skin and whipped through my hair, or the music of the songbirds that filled absolutely everything in-between. I decided at that moment that these three are of great importance to me and I’d be utterly lost without them. These three gifts of God.

So my home base, I decided, were these three. And while I listened to the meditation, if my mind wondered, as it typically does, I’d bring it back to home and focus on the sun, the wind, and the song. My deep, intentional breath is the vessel that takes me to the peace I find in these three. Because I know how all of this feels, I can find my way back to peace whenever and wherever I am…just by closing my eyes and breathing.

I reluctantly admit that I cannot live a life in the ideal but must live in the realness of each moment. So in times of discouragement and confusion, through my God-given breath, I will find my focus on the warmth, the touch, and the song that is forever in my heart. My home base. In doing so, I can find contentment in every moment.

Praising God for these gifts. ♥️

Andi

I stated a few days ago that I would be sharing my carnivore lifestyle. This is a lengthy read and I do apologize, but I wanted you to get a better picture of how I got to this place in my life. I know several people have been wondering about me.

My life began in a rather difficult way. My dad was stationed at Fort McPherson, GA. I was born on the base in 1961, nine months and two days after my parents were married. Why are you laughing? Doesn’t every kid try to figure this out?

As I describe my birth, I am recalling the details told to me by my mother. I was Mom’s first baby. Mom said that nuns ran the army hospital. The doctor wasn’t called yet, but Mom told the attending nun-nurse that it was time and that the baby was coming. Without checking Mom’s progress, the nurse told her no, it wasn’t time yet. Mom told her again that the baby was coming and that she wanted to push. The nurse told her no again. Mom kept insisting. The nurse had had enough and slapped Mom across the face. THEN the nurse (I use the term loosely) decided to check Mom’s progress and saw that I was indeed crowning. They hurriedly gave Mom a spinal block so she couldn’t/ wouldn’t push and I was just stuck there for who knows how long. Explains a lot, doesn’t it? The doctor finally arrived and I was born.

But then as Mom was nursing, she developed a staph infection in her breast. In that day and age, patients were quarantined with staph infections. I was immediately taken away from Mom and she was quarantined for 2 weeks. She noted there was a little window on the door where they would pass her food tray to her. My dad took me home and he and his army buddies took care of me. They fattened me up quite a bit on formula in those two weeks. Mom didn’t even recognize me. How sad for her as a new momma. As a mom myself, I cannot imagine the pain of separation with my child. We didn’t have cell phones or FaceTime back then. Even developing film from a camera took time. So Mom had no way of watching my progress. Just awfully painful to think about.

During my young years, I had difficulty with food. Everything disrupted my gut. My young tummy would bloat and get painfully hard. No, it wasn’t constipation. Finally, my parents took me to a doctor. I did the barium thingy and they took X-rays. Doctors didn’t know much about nutrition back then. I’m not sure how much schooling they even have today in nutrition.

The doctor finally told my parents that I needed to eat toast with crunchy peanut butter. THE worst foods possible for me to eat.

I remember back in high school and how by the time I got on the bus to go home, I’d have to undo at least the top button on my jeans. Sometimes the zipper, slightly, if I wore a large sweatshirt or coat. I was in constant agony.

It just didn’t get better in my early adulthood. I did figure out what foods triggered the most pain, but it was food that we were told was the best to consume for good health. I wanted to be healthy, so I ate the nuts, milk, and milk products, veggies, fruits, pasta, and breads.

My gut was in a bad way. Anything and everything upset it. I remember once when I was working for a chiropractor, I decided to try Slim Fast even though I didn’t need to lose weight. But in my mind, I thought it would make an awesome, healthy meal replacement. Well, I was taught a huge lesson in about 20 minutes. I dropped to the floor in the hallway between patient rooms and curled up into a ball because of the intense pain. Lesson learned.

I continued all through my adulthood eating and being miserable. I tried raw milk instead of heavily pasteurized milk. While I know it’s ideal for most, I just couldn’t. I ate gluten-free foods. Nope. Salads tore my gut up even with varying the dressings I used. A big problem too was that I cooked for a large family. I wanted to eat what I made for them. Going out to eat was a treat from cooking, and I loved it, but I always suffered later.

I ran out of options to eat if I removed all that upset my gut. Except for meat. Meat never bothered me unless it was heavily seasoned or smothered in gravy or sauces. I always wondered about that. But who could live on just meat?

Then during the holiday season in 2022, I knew I had to make a change because I wasn’t going to live long if I didn’t.

I had made promises to each of my girls to do my best to get healthy but I wasn’t keeping my end of the deal. My demeanor was very poor by the end of 2022. I was broken, sick, very overweight, and depressed. I was in bad shape.

So I prayed that God would help me find an answer that I could live with. I earnestly prayed for help. On New Year’s Day, 2023, I ran across something. Honestly, I cannot even tell you if it was an email or something on YouTube. All I know is I found Dr. Kiltz and it really doesn’t matter how. Dr. Kiltz is a fertility doctor…and a carnivore. A lion. A meat-eater. His article drew me in. The very question that had been subtly hiding in the back of my mind all my life was being answered. Yes, you can eat meat only…and live. I was overjoyed.

I knew what I had to do. On January 3rd, I became a lioness and started my journey. I joined the Kiltz keto/carnivore support group. There I could find resources and answers for the questions I had. YouTube has an abundance of information as well. Dr. Ken Berry, Doctor Kiltz, Dr. Anthony Chaffee, and videos of many others who have been carnivore for years. This isn’t a diet per se. Not in the sense of I’m going on a diet diet. It is a lifestyle change.

What do I eat being carnivore? I eat mostly fatty red meat, eggs, lots of grass-fed butter, and a lot of salt. Good quality salt. I also eat chicken, pork, and bacon. I’m not a real fish eater but when I do, I only eat wild-caught fish and seafood. The only food I eat that comes from a plant is coffee.

An excerpt from A Guide to Animal Based Diets, by Doctor Kiltz, December 31, 2023:

It’s worth noting that greens are high in oxalic acid, a naturally occurring plant toxin. Oxalates contribute to intestinal and digestive problems and can interfere with the absorption of vital nutrients like zinc and calcium.

Chronic exposure to plant toxins such as oxalates, histamines , phytohormones, salicylates, trypsin inhibitors, and antinutrients like lectins can cause numerous allergies, leaky gut autoimmune diseases, and chronic inflammation.

Amen to all of that! My body is well aware of all of the above.

So what have I noticed since going carnivore? Within three days my arthritic pain was about 95% gone. Even without exercising, I was able to move about more freely. I felt I had young, athletic legs again.

My weight started coming off. But even better than weight-loss was the fact that my body shape was changing even during the times I wasn’t losing weight. The best I can describe it is that my body was being sculpted. My clothes were fitting better all the time.

My mood was much happier as depression left. It didn’t fluctuate much and I stayed more consistently happy.

Those are just a few of the benefits I felt.

I say all that in past tense because I did fall off carnivore about 8-9 months in. That was my own fault. I was not doing well with the passing of my friend. I simply introduced sugar into my diet one weak day and it reactivated my emotional eating and my sugar addiction came back in a rage. It was horrible. I thought I was far enough away from those bad things to ever be controlled by them again. But no. I realize I have a severe issue with both emotional eating and a sugar addiction.

But I’m back on carnivore and I feel the same benefits as I did the first time. I will get back to OMAD (one meal a day) and intermittent fasting as well. I am just so happy to be eating meat!

As far as meat providing all the nutrients needed for good health, I do not have doubt. The doctors listed above provide research and facts about nutrition found in good meat. Ruminant meat is the best for carnivore, like beef and lamb.

I won’t say I am on the same page with everything that is presented by carnivores. I personally do not believe the earth is millions and millions years old. I do not believe that the only people who lived were cave people and that they only ate meat. I believe the Bible as truth. I believe that God created the earth in seven days and that the earth is approximately six thousand years old. I believe that he provided plants, milk, honey, and the fatted calf for us to eat. But I also believe that we humans think we are pretty smart. Chemicals were created to increase the productivity of farmland. But when adding toxic, lab-created chemicals into nature not a whole lot of positives can come out of that equation. We’ve depleted our lands of nutrients. We’ve poisoned our water systems. We kill bees and butterflies. We pollute the air. (And no, I’m not into climate change. Everything God created, cycles in his design.) So it’s no wonder the food quality of today is not the same as in Bible times. And quite frankly, I cannot eat the food the earth provides. And today if I eat plants raised organically, and with the best of intentions, my body is so damaged that I cannot tolerate it. I’d certainly enjoy it as I ate it but my gut would let me know otherwise later. Don’t get me wrong. I love food. And I love the fact that family and friends gather together around food. I love every aspect of that fellowship. But this is how my world works right now.

I’m not going to say that I won’t cheat every now and then, but if I do, it would be my choice, my decision. I love food just like anyone. But I also know how I might suffer later with each food I ingest and that’s totally on me. This is an individual decision I’ve made for my own wellbeing. Just as you own the reasons and excuses why you eat what you do.

I will not tell anyone that carnivore is the only way to good health. I do believe that every person would benefit in some way though. And I would love to see some people in my world try it because I believe it could help them in more ways than one. But that is my opinion and I simply want the best for those I love. I do believe it’s worth the research though. And while I’m still learning, scientific research is ongoing as this way of life is becoming more and more popular. We each need to make our own decisions on how to make the best out of this life we live…spiritually and physically.

I love the lioness in me because I finally feel the way I should have been feeling all my life! ♥️

Andi

If you have any questions you are more than welcome to reach out to me and I will give you a way to privately message me.

Out of the mouths of babes.

Even when your children are adults, they will forever be your babes. And sometimes they will love you so much in any given moment that you will be brought to tears. On Wednesday, my oldest daughter, Denae, did just that.

She sent me this text:

Mom,

I found a song that made me cry. It made me think of you.

You always say, “I don’t know how you girls got your strength.”

And, “I don’t know how you turned out the way you did.”

Well listen to this.

I love you.

So, I listened to Bulletproof, by Jamie Fine.

These are the lyrics that touched my heart the most:

Mama, who would let you down?

Who made you think you weren’t enough,

And filled your soul with doubt?

Did you know I love this hard because of you?

And I’ve been learning it’s a journey, as I’m walking in your shoes,

I’ll pass along all of your lessons,

Took some time but I got your message,

If you ever wonder why I’m bulletproof,

It’s all because of you.

I never thought of myself in this light because I do not see myself as bulletproof. Actually, I never thought much of myself as a mother…I was mediocre at best, but mostly, not even that. I felt I let my babes down because I didn’t teach them some of the most important things in life…like how to be strong. Bulletproof.

This moment between mother and daughter was beautiful and lasted way longer than a mere moment. It touched me so deeply that I will carry it with me forever.

If you ever wonder why I’m bulletproof

It’s all because of you…

♥️

Andi

I have a bazillion notebooks and half as many journals. Most journals I have had for years but are still untouched just waiting for the most perfect inspiration. Many notebooks are written in, often only a single page of something I didn’t want to forget at the time. It could have been a simple list of home repairs made, crafts to make, holiday baking ingredients, menus, bills to pay, gifts to buy, or how many naps to take in a day. (Juss kiddin’. I come from a long line of nappers. No list required.)

I’m in-between jobs currently and on day five of my eleven day lapse before my new job starts. I will be working more days and longer hours than I have for awhile so I made lists of things I need to do before I start.

While categorizing my lists and titling each one, I thought of a something I never really considered before. Things I Want Most in Life. Maybe this list has to do with my age and feeling the urgency to pull my life together and make some sort of sense of it. I feel, though, it is a list of great importance as I move forward in this next chapter of my life.

While my children and my significant other, D, are important, I am quite dedicated to them so I did not include them in this list. But I will explain each item on this list for a better understanding of why I placed them here.

Things I want most in life.

1. Christianity. The reason Christianity is on my list is because, in all honesty, I have to work really hard to stay on top of my relationship with God. I have witnessed God’s love and grace, yet my children and D are tangible in the physical sense. I see them. I hear them. I feel them. Therefore, it is easier to be dedicated to them. Maybe that is a wrong way to look at it, but it’s my realty. Bottom line: I want to make sure I have secured a mansion above so I can walk through heaven’s pearly gates when he calls me home.

2. Health. I had pretty much given up on my health and simply put, on life, a couple of years ago. Working for the insurance company depleted my energy and broke my spirit. While some can handle the job very well, working 9-5 in a windowless office, in front of three screens, for two years turned my mind and body into mush. At a bare minimum, I need to see the outdoors throughout the day. I am still dealing with the end result of those two years even though I’ve been out of insurance for 15 months. My body became weak and that’s something I just cannot tolerate. I need to become strong again and that has been very hard to do because sadly, I’m back on the starting block. A year ago in January, I did make a decision to go carnivore. From January to August, I ate only meat, eggs, bacon, butter, and some cheese periodically. The only thing I consumed that was derived from a plant was my coffee and a touch of stevia. I lost forty-five pounds and felt wonderful. Then I started not coping well after Matt’s passing and ate one piece of chocolate at work. That was a ginormous mistake as emotional eating took over and my sugar addiction came back in a full rage. I gained some weight back and started feeling horribly bad once again, both physically and mentally. I am happy to say that now I am back on carnivore…finally after months of battling the sugar addiction. I drink coffee but have kicked stevia to the curb for a couple of reasons. Day seven and the weight is starting to come off again and arthritic pain is greatly decreasing as well. I am stretching religiously and am able to move about more freely with much less pain. (I hope to write a post with more detail about my carnivore journey soon.)

I also spend time caring for my emotional wellbeing with meditation, devotions, and deep breathing, which sends me into a welcomed place of peace and calm. Bottom line: My goal for optimal health is necessary as it clears my mind so I can focus; therefore, I am more present in each moment. Strengthening both my mental and physical capacities lift my spirit so I can focus on life outside of myself.

3. Helping Others. I have been on the receiving end of help more times than I can count. I know what it’s like to feel hopelessness and loneliness. The struggle was very real being a single mom for the past 11 years. Friends have been there to help me financially and by other means of support. Robin and Denise are the ones I readily think of…even though they were once the best friends of my ex, I was family to them. I cannot recall the many times they were available for me and my kids even though they lived in another state. Several others were very present in my life as well. Now that I am in a better place, I find that the more I help others the better I feel and the more I am blessed. Bottom line: Giving back is a gift.

4. Grandma. I realize the importance of being a grandparent. Grandparenting is not just fun and games with the Littles. It’s about nurturing, guiding, teaching, and being a very important presence in their young, developing lives. I want to be that person the children can trust and count on. Because this task takes work and effort on my part, it is here on my list. Bottom line: a grandma has an important role in the lives of her grandchildren and I desire to be an active participant.

5. Write. My mind never rests. I have many stories to write and posts to share of all the things I’ve learned so far on my life’s journey. Connecting with people is very important to me so that no one feels they are alone with their thoughts and struggles. I desire to inspire and share dreams and life lessons with others. Hopefully, always sprinkled with a little humor and smothered in love. Even though my blog, coffeewithandi, is my legacy to leave my children and grandchildren, it takes discipline to write. I have books started, but again, it takes time and discipline. So that is why I’ve included writing on this list. Bottom line: writing is my life’s passion. I’ve only just begun but time isn’t waiting for me to catch up.

All of these on my list take thought, preparation, dedication, and effort, and that doesn’t often come easy for me. I get distracted easily and frequently, or sometimes a nap calls me.

I think lists are good. And I think that lists should be handwritten for better remembrance. I recently read an article which suggested handwriting is good for the brain. I believe that. So I suggest handwriting your lists.

I’m sure I will think of other things of importance to add, but this list is sufficient for now. Time’s a-wastin’.

♥️

Andi

My apologies upfront as I rant a little this morning. I am already working on a couple other posts but this one stirred me up. There’s nothing quite like a stirred up Andi. My kids and D would most likely agree with that statement.

So this morning I read yet another disturbing bit of information about pharmaceutical companies tampering in areas they have no business being in. What can possibly go wrong when pharmaceuticals are involved with our food supply and food production?

So I told myself three days ago that I need to stay away from cheese. I’d eat a little here and there as a treat for myself. But it messes with my gut and makes me feel bad. I try to buy better quality cheeses (grass-fed and organic when I can) but they mostly seem to affect me the same. Cheese is one of the greatest joys in the world of food.

This morning I read an article which is provided in the link below. Pfizer has its hands in our cheese and that makes me pretty darn mad. And you have to ask yourself why? Why are they messing with our food?

Cheese typically contains four ingredients, milk, salt, starter culture, and rennet. The article describes how Pfizer uses GMO rennet instead of animal rennet, which is used to curdle milk into cheese. Here is an excerpt from the article:

“An estimated 90% of North American cheese is made with FPC rennet, and ingredient labels do not distinguish between bioengineered rennet and the original animal-based type so consumers have no way of knowing what they’re eating.”

What can possibly go wrong? And ask yourself again…why?

Another thought I have is as “they” try to eliminate cows from our planet, I wonder if soon cheese will made from the same lab-designed milk that men chest-feeders nurse infants. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Messing with nature will never have positive end results. God was (and still is) perfect in his design.

I feel strongly that we need to protect our food sources, not only for my particular way of eating (which I will share soon), but for the world as a whole.

The link below will take you to the article I read this morning. Draw your own conclusions, but stay informed with anything that has to do with your health and wellbeing.

https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2024/03/04/gmo-cheese.aspx

♥️

Andi

Photo credit: my daughter, Denae

♥️

Andi

Photo: sunset at my thinking spot, January 2020

I came across this quote during one of my morning meditations. It really made a lot of sense to me.

I think about my life and the future. I always begin with “I want”.

I want a new job, a cabin, a lake, and a woods. I want to lose weight. I want summer. I want to travel. I want Friday to get here. I want, I want, I want. Nothing is ever about the present moment, the present day.

We never seem to be content with what we have material-wise either. I want a new purse. New car. New house. New shoes. New phone. When I imagine a moment without a single want in it, I actually feel a weight lifted and a very peaceful feeling warms me.

It’s okay to have dreams and goals. It’s okay to have needs and wants. But it’s really not okay to always live in tomorrow before it even gets here. And when it does get here, it will be today and then we will still be thinking about tomorrow. Today just never seems to be enough. And the things we possess…are they not good enough either? We are a generation of wanters.

Put aside your wants and enjoy this present weekend. Find some peace and give your mind a much needed break. ♥️

Andi

Photo credit: my daughter-in-law, Dani, after our winter storm last weekend.

As I sit here in my recliner, drinking coffee, and listening to the last three Jay Shetty meditations I missed, I look out my window to the snow that covers the outdoors wishing it was spring. Then one of the meditations talks about this very thing. Rushing seasons.

I know that I have been guilty of not appreciating the current season I am in and have tried to force a new season in when it doesn’t belong. True, I’m not talking about the actual seasons of winter, spring, summer, and fall…although, I am craving warmer weather. I am referring to my determination to force a new vision, hope, or dream to work in a place that hasn’t been prepared yet. It’s like forcing a puzzle piece into a place not cut for it.

Winter needs to happen for many reasons. It prepares the earth for the next phase. Even if you live in a warm climate, I believe there are distinct patterns that occur throughout the year. Everything that God placed into motion has a pattern, cycle, purpose. Forcing one process to end before its time, and trying to move something into its place before it’s ready is just not going to work well.

Life can be difficult. Currently, I have been on a roller coaster of emotion as I am discovering much about myself. God places people in our lives at just the right time. I believe when he sees we are open to whatever he wants us to learn, he provides who or what we need. D is that who.

Without intentional effort on his part, D has brought to light my unhealthy patterns of reactions, reasonings, and thought processes. This revelation has led me to evaluate the last 50 years of my life. I see where I have unintentionally sabotaged relationships. I’ve reacted first and thought about it later. Maybe. I run when things get tough. And I see my urge to rush into the next season without finishing the one I am in. Honestly, these are patterns I have exhibited all my life.

In nature, each season prepares for the next. The same is true for the seasons of our life.

Apparently, I still have much more to learn about myself and life. Just when I thought I was nearing the end of my schooling I see that it is only getting started. But that’s okay. God is the potter and I am the clay.

Seasons are here for a reason. We reflect on the past season while preparing for the next. Each season holds a wealth of wisdom to carry into the new one. It’s just how life works in God’s design.

Instead of fighting the current season, embrace it. Even when it is difficult. Learn all you can from it and carry that wisdom into the next.

Be grateful for the ones whom God has strategically placed in your life. I am.

♥️

Andi

Photo credit: winter, my home; spring, outside my insurance office; summer, Nyx in the backyard; fall, the wedding venue where I worked

So today was a difficult day. I spent much of it wrapped in the heated drama of our small town. I got caught up in the controversy, the frustration, the helplessness, the defenseless, the seriousness, the anger.

I wrote long ago about who I am as a person. I take things to heart easily, but I also wear that same heart on my sleeve. All my life I’ve prided myself as being a healer or fixer of sorts. I want to make things better. All things. People things. Country things. World things. And that’s all fine and dandy IF I can help and make a positive difference. But often, I can’t. Some things are just way bigger than me. Like the serious problems in my town.

I am also a sponge. I soak up the pain and chaos all around me. That’s why I quit watching the news. The heaviness of our world’s problems consumed my whole being. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I had to make a change. I felt a weight lifted when I walked away from the news and social media. I can pray about anything and everything because God is aware of it all. I just don’t need to know all the disturbing details. But even when I become aware of issues and yet cannot fix a single thing, I make those problem(s) my own. Like I don’t have enough of my own. Does this even make any sense?

So after work today, I still carried the concerns of the whole town with me. Not on my back where you typically carry heavy loads. Not in a wagon to pull behind me. No, I carried it all in my gut, and sadly, in my heart. I was stressed out. I was angry. The conversations of the morning drained me emotionally and physically. I was totally out of it as I zombied my way through the many errands I had after work.

Luckily, my friend, D, was able to talk me down with a sternness that was wrapped in love and kindness. As I get to know him better he is becoming more and more like a tether to me. Oh, not in a bad way. He’s not a ball and chain. But he does keep me grounded. And that’s a very good thing. He calmly called me out on things that no one else ever has before. He challenged me to sort out my thoughts and emotions that were still very hot from this morning. He made me think.

So as I lie here in bed unable to sleep, I realize that through difficulties I am able to grow. Everything I’ve written in my blog for the last four years is insight of what I’ve gained throughout my lifetime so far. Hopefully, more right than wrong insight. Life experiences show me who I am, who I desire to be, and who God needs me to be…IF I am willing to listen and learn. And I will be honest with you here. I do not claim to be perfect. I am nowhere near perfect. I have made bad choices throughout my life because I wasn’t willing to listen. But I listen more intently as I grow up. See…wearing my heart on my sleeve.

Tonight, D listened. He questioned me. And he actually helped me to see things about myself for the first time. It hurt a little and was slightly embarrassing, but it’s what I needed. And I am grateful.

I need to squeeze the sponge and rid myself of the toxic pain that doesn’t belong inside of me. I cannot bear the weight of my whole town. My job there is finished in two weeks. Even so, it’s not my place to bear the burden of others so deeply. It solves nothing and only hurts me…and others around me. I need to find balance. How can I be helpful without becoming the sole bearer of so much pain?

It’s a lifelong path I have walked to understanding who I am.

I think to D, I am one of the top 10 unsolved mysteries of the world. But that’s okay with me. He seems to be willing to try to solve the mystery. I’m just glad he’s in my world.

I learned a great lesson. Will I go through something like this again? Probably, but perhaps on a smaller scale. I am human and I can get tripped up pretty easily sometimes. Okay, often. My internal design is to help others. While I embrace that, I see the need to approach cautiously, wisely, and with much prayer.

I appreciate you for reading this lengthy post. Maybe it has helped you in some way too. After all, I can’t be the only sponge walking this earth besides Bob. ♥️

Andi

Photo credit: my daughter, Charlie; video clips of someplace beautiful in Florida, 2024

No, this isn’t a special valentine message. Even though I have a special guy in my life, I am not a fan of the day. Bah humbug…

But it is about love. Love for one another. Romans 12:10.

I read recently that the mind tends to gravitate toward negativity rather than positivity. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s like the muscles in your face. The old wives tale says it takes more muscles to frown than smile but that’s what we do more of. It seems to be more comfortable with less effort. Or perhaps, following the path of least resistance, like a river or stream.

When we stop to take a moment to think about what’s going on in our mind, maybe then we could keep our thoughts on a more positive track. But it takes work. It takes effort on our part.

Romans 12:10 ESV says to love one another and to outdo each other in expressing that love. That doesn’t mean anything immoral. It’s a clean, pure love, generosity, and respect for our family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers.

There are great rewards in being kind to others. Even a simple smile in passing can brighten up an entire day for someone who may be crying on the inside.

Outdo one another in expressing love and kindness. What a wonderful world we would live in.

♥️

Andi

Time goes so S*L*O*W when we are young and then in the mid twenties it speeds up dramatically. And then by the time you are 62, time travels like the Shanghai Maglev in China, which can reach a top speed of 267 mph. No, thank you.

Is there ever a time in our life when time travels at the correct speed? And what would that even be? Same amount of minutes in a day. Something doesn’t seem right. I think we are being swindled, scammed, taken advantage of. I wanted to use the term gypped or jipped, but after googling it for the correct spelling, I noted that some consider it to be a racist remark. smh

I would love for time to slow down. Even just a little. Granted, there are times, difficult times, when time doesn’t go fast enough. But overall, I need it to slow down. Now…

Not wishing for tomorrows or weekends or the next vacation would probably slow things down a bit. When young, you just couldn’t wait until you reached 16, 18, and 21. But you don’t realize that there is a 23, 45, and a 62. Living each moment and enjoying where you are would be best, I believe. And that will take some practice for sure.

Enjoy this moment. It’ll be gone forever in a flash. Make good memories that will outshine the not-so-good ones. Find your peace.

♥️

Andi

I have several dedicated readers. People I know and others whom I’ve never met. I am beyond flattered that people actually read my stuff and still come back. I enjoy the engagement with fellow bloggers too. I think my Bucket List should include meeting each of them in person. Such great writers. All of them!

With WordPress, I am able to see many things about each post. I can check my stats and see how many views, likes, comments I’ve had on any particular day and with each post. It doesn’t show me names or anything personal about my readers. You are just a number here, so no worries. 🙂

There is a map which shows views from all countries. They will be highlighted in green. The more views/readers there are, the darker green the country becomes. Sometimes the map will highlight ten, twelve, or more, countries in a single day. It blows my mind that my blog is read around the world.

Most days lately when I check my map, the U.S. is highlighted along with the country of Turkey. There is typically one lone view/reader in Turkey with each post. I wonder if they might be someone my son met when he was there filming a biblical documentary. I look everyday now to see if my friend from Turkey has visited me. And if you are reading this post today, my friend, I appreciate you.

Blogging has been quite an amazing journey these last four years. It not only has opened my heart more, it’s opened up my whole world. I am blessed. ♥️

Andi

My meditation this morning with Jay Shetty was quite interesting. He told of a Dutch method to help relax the mind. It is called Niksen, or “nixing”. This art is simply giving your mind a much needed break and can be as simple as looking out a window at birds or cloud watching. There is nothing you are trying to figure out or plan. No outside stimulation like a phone or computer begging for your attention. Just gazing and bringing your thoughts down to the basics thoughts of wonder and enlightenment. The art of doing nothing.

This art has been shown to prevent burnout and stress. It helps with productivity and also with health issues.

It appears to be easier said than done though as today’s world has instilled in us that we need to be productive 24/7. So training the mind to let go and just be takes practice.

This art has been gaining popularity over the last few years. Books are available to help you get started. I haven’t checked any out as I never heard of nixing until an hour ago. But I believe it’s worth exploring. I discovered that Google has much information about Niksen as well. There appears to be a wealth of benefits in doing nothing for short periods of time.

So…find some time today to sit at a window or outside and just be for a moment or two. Let me know how this works for you. ♥️

Andi

Photo: my photogenic bird friend, Maine, October 2019

Below is a wonderful post written by my blogger friend, Danielle. She has been on a remarkable journey of self-discovery and healing after years of addiction. I have never met Danielle in person yet through her openness in her writing I feel I know her very well. She writes of her struggles and of her triumphs, of her fears and of her joy, of her pain in letting go of what was, and of her childlike innocence as she rediscovers life after addiction.

♥️

Andi

❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

Today I am getting back on the plane – leaving sunny Florida – and heading home to Massachusetts. I have never felt more at HOME in my own skin…than …

Home – in myself 2/10

How often in a day do you say “I can’t”? Honestly, I’m probably the world’s greatest, or should I say worst, I can’ter. What do we actually mean when we say “I can’t”?

Granted, we may have physical, emotional, or mental limitations that solidify an I can’t to a request. Or, there may be timing restraints that can justify an I can’t. But I think more often than not I can’t means, I won’t.

I won’t do that.

It’s not in my heart to do that.

I choose not to consider doing that.

But the easiest way out of the request without explanation is simply, I can’t. Stating I can’t instead of I won’t sort of shifts the request restriction out of our control. Like there is an outside power that restrains us. If that makes sense.

Granted, we need to know our boundaries. Taking care of oneself is priority, not selfishness as I once believed. So we need to be mindful of our own welfare.

If you are one who is involved with many organizations, groups, and sports outside of family life you might have a tendency to have blurred boundaries or no boundaries at all. Requests of you and your time might seem to be obligations rather than choices. This can be unhealthy if you have difficulty saying no. Defining boundaries and adhering to them is necessary for our overall wellbeing.

But I know, too, that I’ve used I can’t out of laziness. Or, maybe it was purely selfishness. Or, both. That was wrong on my part when I was perfectly able to fulfill a request.

Anyway, this thought popped into my head and I needed to get it out so I can accomplish something today…before I can’t.

♥️

Andi

Photo: somewhere in Acadia National Park, Maine, 2019

Yes, I am finally leaving the job I do not love. Moving on. Although I absolutely love the hours and my coworker…the work, well…not so much. Tonight my resignation will be formally announced. And it will be bittersweet.

Changing jobs, again. This made me think all the places I’ve worked throughout my life. I’ve actually tried a lot of different things.

I decided to list, in chronological order, all the places I have been employed. I think I’ve remembered them all. For privacy, I have removed some of the business names.

Heins Clothing Store

Allen County Bank & Trust

PicWay Shoes

Lingle’s Bakery

Howard’s Gift Shop

Hicksville, Ohio Newspaper

Christian School

Chiropractic Clinic

Truck Stop

Kentucky Fried Chicken

Stay-At-Home wife, mom, home educator

Florist and Gift Shop

Long-Term Healthcare Facility

Wedding venue

Independent Insurance Agency

Town Clerk-Treasurer

I have been a:

Bank teller

Special Education teacher

Newspaper Columnist

Assistant aerobics instructor

CNA

Home Educator

Floral designer

Certified Personal Fitness Trainer, Certified in Sports Nutrition

Agent of Property & Casualty Insurance

Town Clerk-Treasurer

Blogger

But all I want to be when I grow up is a published writer. I believe that will happen yet.

Moving on and into a new chapter of my life. A little scary but from where I’m standing, the view is pretty awesome. ♥️

Andi

Photos: yesterday’s sunrise, taken by my friend

Growing up in the 70’s was awesome. Music was very important to me then and it still is today. I thank my father for that. It was probably the greatest gift he ever gave me. He opened my world to a variety of music and I grew to love the artists. I wish I had just a few of his vinyl collection but all I have are the memories of the album covers and their voices waking me up at 6:30 every Saturday morning. He would often play very loudly, the Beatles’, Here Comes The Sun, and Tommy Can You Hear Me by The Who. Rod McKuen was another biggie. Lots of other amazing artists were a part of our Saturday morning ritual. Dad just couldn’t stand being up by himself. At the time, the music was quite disruptive to my peaceful sleep but is much appreciated today.

My mom also had a great appreciation for music. Johnny Mathias was probably her favorite. She loved the Brothers Four too. Later Barry Manilow was a huge favorite of hers.

I love songs that would make me cry. Donny Osmond did that to me. Remember Puppy Love? Wowza….that made me cry every time. I have been a hopeless romantic all my life.

Then I discovered John Denver and he touched my very soul. He opened my heart to notice and appreciate all of nature. His music inspired me to want to protect our basic resources, like water, air, food. That’s when I dreamed of going into forestry.

And as a young impressionable girl his songs convinced me that true love was obtainable and as pure as a new snow on a Colorado mountain.

I wanted to write like John Denver. Maybe not words for a song, but words with substance and meaning. So I began writing poetry when I was 12 or 13 years old. John Denver was my initial inspiration to write.

Going through my vinyl collection, I discovered that I don’t have all the records that I thought I had. You know like Boston, Styx, Foreigner, Kansas, Peter Frampton, Genesis, Paul McCartney and Wings, the Eagle’s, Pink Floyd, etc. Regardless of where those vinyl are the music will always be a part of me. Maybe my babysitting funds couldn’t support my music habit back then.

I took pics of some of the records I do have. I hope they bring back memories for you!

I’m looking forward to getting a turntable so I can reminisce in my vinyl past. ♥️

Andi

Photos: some of my vinyl collection.

Learning the hard way has kind of been my lifelong motto. I made bad decisions, wrong choices, and messy mistakes more than once. You know…just to be sure.

But life is full of THOSE things. And I’m not the only one who has suffered through them. That’s because we are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. And often we do not hear God, or…we simply choose not to listen.

But these things are inevitable and actually necessary in our life. Learning from each trial, mistake, and transgression is what builds our character. When we finally realize just how messy our world is we can allow God to be the potter. As we soften to his will we become the clay in his hands. He can then spin us, turn us, mold us into something quite beautiful. This is growth and this is necessary.

Isaiah 64:8 But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

I met three beautiful people last night for the first time. And while I am still this soft blob in the hands of God, I’m glad they met me now and not twenty or thirty years ago. I’m not quite the same person.

All my life people have told me I am kind, but I know that my heart was not always where it should have been, and it wasn’t always kind, or even pretty. Do you recall your children ever leaving a clump of clay out of the container for days? Usually it becomes as hard as rock. When clay is no longer warmed by the hands that’s what happens. If (when) we choose to not listen to God, our souls become hardened as well. He sets us down and lets us figure things out. But he’s never far away. Once we surrender, God’s warmth softens us…again.

Today I am still learning and growing while being ever-so mindful about what I do and say. I no longer want God to set me down. I’ve learned over the years, that life without him is difficult and painful.

The person we are at the end of our life is what matters. Reality is that this life is a journey of faults and failures and growth and learning, and of softening in the hands of God.

♥️

Andi

Photo: taken by my daughter, Charlie, somewhere beautiful in Florida.

As every February 1st approaches I think that I won’t post this poem this year. That maybe I will skip a year. Some of my readers have been with me since the beginning of this blog and have seen this poem several times already.

But….my love for this girl never fades. My gratitude of having her in my life for 30+ years never ceases. And my heart aches every day that she’s not with me here to finish out this life together. So I am posting this poem again in her honor. Today she would have been 62.

Happy Birthday, my sweet Chelle.

I love you….

Butterflies & Roses

Butterflies and roses,

gifts from a friend.

Treasures I’ll keep

from now to my end.

🦋

Dragonflies, rainbows

bring tears to my eyes,

Of both joy and sorrow,

of hellos and goodbyes.

🦋

The moment you left us

many hearts broke.

But loving kindness

was the story you wrote.

🦋

So I’ll treasure these gifts

and remember your smile.

And the warmth of your love,

I’ll carry each mile.

🦋

I miss you beyond measure

as everyone does,

But you left us your legacy

of compassion and love.

🦋

Butterflies and roses,

gifts from a friend.

Treasures I’ll keep

from now to my end.

♥️

By Andrea

November 11, 2016

Original post: August 28, 2022

My dad’s mother’s family is from Naples, Italy. I do not remember my grandmother as she passed away when I was about three years old. Sadly, my dad lost both parents about seven days apart, in separate hospitals, and both from heart disease. As I grew up, I thought Grandma looked like Judy Garland. Sometimes I imagined they were one and the same. That’s the fantasy of a young girl’s mind.

My grandmother wrote a lot of poetry. I always felt I inherited my love for writing from her. She was a very strict Catholic so much of her writing centered around that. After my dad passed last year, her writings came to me. What a treasure.

When I was visiting my father in Italy, he and I went to a little off-the-beaten-path cafe to eat. It was tucked away in a home that was converted into a diner. Every piece of furnishing was probably from the ‘30’s and ‘40’s. While the food was delicious and the cafe beautifully preserved in time, my father and I had a falling out of sorts. It was an attack on my heart and one of the worst altercations between us, ever. And while I won’t go into detail, it was a reminder of the power behind words. You don’t need to be a writer to understand that power. You need only to be its recipient.

My trip was in June of 2012. It wasn’t until October 31st of that year when my father called me. He said he was sorry for what he said all those months ago in that cafe. I never knew until that call that he even realized what he had said. And although I don’t believe he fully understood though the deep crushing pain he caused me, he apologized and that had to be enough. Then he sent me something he had written. I had zero idea until then that he even wrote.

This is the one and only writing I have of his. Maybe Dad wasn’t like me in that I have to keep most everything I write. I guess writing is carried through the generations through our bloodline. Or, maybe it’s through our heart line.

The pictures attached are the walkway up to my dad’s home. In the picture below, the second doorway on the left is/was the tailor’s shop. I do not know the date Dad wrote this. I only have the date he sent it to me. I hope you enjoy this writing as much as I do.

The Tailor of Casoli (CH) Italy

He sits by the door as there are no lights, no electricity or water for that matter. Scraps of material hang on the wall with faded pictures and newspaper clippings of the past. Bits of cloth scatter the wooden floor. Dust clings to the underside of his sewing machine and all along the thin belt that drives his foot operated apparatus. Next to the cluttered table, on the floor to his right is a green canister that contains bottled gas to operate the iron for pressing clothes.

His sewing machine is as close to the glass door as possible so he can see to work. When practical, the door is left open. He can only work on the days of full light so he arrives early and stays as long as the day allows. The hot late summer days are more productive. The winters are cold and short. When dark clouds come, he closes the shop.He glances up when he sees me pass by the doorway on my way down the 150 stairs or to the Gran Cafe del Borgo in the piazza del Populo or to the main piazza further down the 223 stairs from my home. “Buon Giorno”, he says. “Buon Giorno”, I repeat. Sometimes I visit with him and try to understand his Italian. Sometimes I actually can, a little anyway. Today we actually had a little conversation.

Renato is 75 years old and has been a tailor since his learning days as a child. I know very little about him except that he lives in Fara San Martino, the little town famous for De Cecco pasta, a few short miles from here. Other than his birthday, December 30th, I know nothing else. He is a friendly man. I would like to know more.

~ Dennis G. S.

For the most part, my dad and I lived on opposite ends of life’s spectrum. Hence, our strained relationship. But the similarities we did share are treasures to me. Our love of music, flea markets, the sea, Italy, fishing, holidays, family gatherings, and writing. Those are what keep me close to him…those special things shared…through our heart line. ♥️

Andi

“Ebbs and flows” is an idiom that refers to the natural rhythm of life and the continuous change that is inherent in it. It means that things constantly change and that there are times when things are on the rise and other times when they are on the decline. ~grammarly.com

Ebb is the movement of the tide back to the sea. Flow is the sea returning to the shore. The two work together to make the ocean complete.

I told my friend about a time in the mid 90’s when I went on cruise to the Bahamas. We were on a very small ship and for the majority of the trip we encountered 7 ft. waves. While I stood at the bow of the ship people asked to photograph me because my long hair blew straight back in the intense wind.

The crew moved us to the belly of the ship to discuss the Bahamian culture and money exchange. But it quickly got very hot down there. My guess is that close to 95% of the tourists began throwing up. We made our way out of that place, watching every step we took to avoid vomit. We made sure not to touch a single rail either because it was everywhere. Even on the edge and side of the ship. It was very difficult to walk around the puke, especially on the stairs, while not touching anything to steady yourself on that wild roller coaster ride. We made our way up to the dining room, away from the sounds and the putrid smells of vomit, sawdust, and Lysol, and the four of us ate. It kept us from getting sick.

A few days later as we were getting ready to head back to Florida, I felt a wooziness come over me. So much in fact, I thought the ship had already set sail. But when I looked out a window I saw we were still docked. I thought that was very odd. Once we did set sail, the sea was as calm as glass. It shimmered in the moonlight. Breathtakingly, beautiful.

But that woozy sensation didn’t ease. In fact, I had trouble with balance and wooziness for two months after the trip. On dry land, I sported sea legs. It was quite unpleasant.

Life is full of ebbs and flows. And some days are 7 ft. wave and vomit days, while others are calm and beautiful. Still the two forces intertwine with one another. We found calm in the dining room during that treacherous journey. And then when I was home in the calm, I was overwhelmed with wooziness.

I guess it is about coming to terms with life and its challenges. Which can be quite difficult at times.

Many situations, and even people, come our way that we simply don’t understand. We ask ourselves, why is everything so complicated? Why do we allow minor things to become major incidents which can then ruin a whole day?

Our lives are rarely just stationary. We are riding the waves. We experience ebbs and flows. Good with the bad. Negative with the positive. Simple with the complicated. It all works together.

God didn’t promise us a life without struggles, pain, or tears. What would the sea be without its ebbs and flows? Without the wind and waves? Sunshine and rain? We need it all for balance, growth, and fulfillment. And we need God to help us make sense of it all.

God didn’t say life would be easy but he did say he wouldn’t leave those who love him. I am trusting in him to help me to always envision the bigger picture rather than focusing on the meaningless trials of this moment.

Before getting caught up in the ugliness of a situation, I suggest questions to ask oneself. Is this really important in the scheme of things? How important is it to God? Will this cause needless pain to another?

Patience, compassion, love for one another. That’s what’s truly important. ♥️

Andi

Photos: all from Maine, 2017 and 2019

Today is the fourth anniversary since the creation of this blog, coffeewithandi. Not including this new year, I’ve posted 813 times. There were 13,502 views; 5,626 visitors; and approximately 329,400 words written. (In all fairness, during difficult times in my life, I critiqued, edited, and reposted old posts, which are included in these totals.)

This is truly very exciting to me because, you see, if I would have looked at the big picture, it never would have been created. All those big numbers would have shut me down.

On the day of my first post, January 25, 2020, if I had known on that day that by the end of that year, I need to post 162 times and write 88.7 thousand words, I would have failed that day. The mountain would’ve looked too high and the ocean just way too deep.

I have learned (mostly the hard way) that my life needs to be walked in bits at a time. One week at a time. One day at a time. And often one minute at a time.

So today I rejoice that I didn’t walk away from the challenge of writing, and continuing to write. I still have so much inside this head that wants/ needs to come out. Hopefully, I’ll continue for many more years.

But, truthfully, if I didn’t have readers (and from all over the world), I would have given up as well. I now have 169 followers. So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for reading my posts and still coming back for more. Thank you for referring my blog to others and for your likes and comments. I just can’t thank you enough. ♥️

Here’s to another four years!

♥️

Andi

I walked through two devotions this morning and they both discussed the importance of the Holy Spirit in our lives. That made me consider myself. I embrace God and Jesus but I tend to overlook the third person in that holy trinity.

The Holy Spirit is God dwelling within believers. But what is his purpose? Why is he so easily overlooked? I will spend time this week reflecting on those questions and my need to embrace all three.

I believe the devotions this morning were intentional and direct (by the Holy Spirit, perhaps?) for me to examine my spiritual life just a little closer.

♥️

Andi

Photo: flight home from Jamaica several years ago.

♥️

Andi

Photos: pictures were taken off a very old bridge in the fall of 2020. The bridge has since been replaced with a new modern bridge.