IN MY LIFE

rain on my sunroof

IN MY LIFE is a rather lengthy blog, and I apologize. I wrote this almost 7 years ago. It needed tweaking and revising. And I added to it again today (1/27/21) at the very bottom. This is basically a summary of my adult years, and well, since I am oldish, this is lengthy. Again, I apologize. I just don’t know how to shorten it, and I sincerely tried. I guess you could start it with coffee in the morning and finish it with a glass of wine before bed. Or should I offer you an espresso?

IN MY LIFE, I have known feast and famine. I know what it is to not have enough food to feed my children. I know what it’s like to feel ashamed of being poor and being embarrassed when using food stamps. I remember feeling the guilt, as though committing a crime, when a police officer was behind me in the grocery store line. (Some thoughts stay with you forever.) I know what it’s like living in a mobile home with my boys and we had no running water. I know what it’s like to be given two weeks to ”get out” in the middle of December with no place to go. I know what it’s like to live in government subsidized housing. I know what it’s like to shop at Goodwill instead of my favorite Penney’s store.

But then, I also know what it’s like to walk into Sam’s or Costco to buy food in bulk that would fill my extra large pantry and one of my several freezers. I know what it’s like to live in a gorgeous 6300 sq.ft. home, complete with decks, gazebos, 26 acres of woods, and a beautiful waterfall. I know what it’s like to pay off the credit card every month. And I know what it is to lose all of that, only to start all over again. Yes, I do know the difference between rich and poor. But I also know that WEALTH DOESN’T ALWAYS PERTAIN TO MONEY.

my beautiful waterfall
2010

IN MY LIFE, I know what it is like to be thin and to be overweight. I know what it is like to try on clothes and everything fit perfectly. And I admit that by hiding my much heavier body in 3X shirts, I only fooled myself. Knowing firsthand how the world treats (mistreats) larger people, I am greatly humbled. I gained INSIGHT and COMPASSION from that experience.

IN MY LIFE, I have known what it is to be loved, and sadly, how it feels to be hated. I know what it is to be on someone’s “I Hate You/ I Want You Dead” list. I know what it’s like to be afraid of someone. I know what it is to be a scapegoat…the reason for their hatred, anger, and everything that is wrong in their life. On the other hand, I know what it is to love, and be loved, by its many definitions. Overall, the people in my life are the best people on this earth and I am truly blessed. So I do know the difference between love and hatred. I CHOOSE LOVE.

IN MY LIFE, I have known what it is to be given things, but also the anguish of having things taken away…whether it be material, people, opportunities, or situations.

IN MY LIFE, I know what it is to stand alone in a fight for decency in my community. I know what it is to win some, but lose more.

IN MY LIFE, I have had to distance myself from toxic people while clinging to those who understood my circumstance. I know what it’s like to be bullied, and sadly, to have bullied. I have been both arrogant and humbled.

IN MY LIFE, I know what it is to be crippled. But I also I know the joy of having family and friends waving me on at the finish line.

Sam and me
2010

IN MY LIFE, I have been happy and I’ve been sad. I’ve been wounded and I’ve healed. My person has both visible and invisible scars. I know what it is to be a SURVIVOR.

IN MY LIFE, I’ve laughed and I’ve cried. I’ve been right and I’ve been wrong. I’ve been the student and I have been the teacher. I’ve taught my children and they’ve taught me. I’ve slept and I’ve been awakened. I’ve started and I have finished. I’ve succeeded and I’ve failed. And horribly at times. I’ve fallen and I’ve gotten back up…over and over again. I WILL KEEP GETTING UP.

IN MY LIFE, I’ve been praised and I’ve been reprimanded. I’ve been pleasing to God and I’ve been a disappointment. I’ve been forgiven, and I’ve willfully sinned. I’ve had busy hands and hands that should have been busy. I’ve shouted when I should have whispered. I’ve talked when I should have listened. I’ve “tuned out” some too. It’s a gift. Thanks to my kids. 😬

IN MY LIFE, I’ve given and I’ve received. I’ve smiled and I have frowned. I’ve been upside-down and right-side up. I’ve helped others find strength and regretfully, I’ve let many fall down. I’ve grown up, and I have regressed. I’ve been thirsty, and I have been quenched. I’ve been given a thumbs-up and a thumbs-down. I have dreamed dreams and I’ve had the worst of nightmares.

IN MY LIFE, I have given life, and I have heartbreakingly, had life taken away.

IN MY LIFE…..
Yes, most importantly, IN MY LIFE, I will continue to love deeply and passionately, because LOVE makes life worth living.

a beautiful sunset at home

January 27, 2021

IN MY LIFE, I know what it’s like to be both PASSIONATE and AFRAID at the same time. I know what it’s like to not be heard or understood. And I know what it’s like to be defensive and speak without thinking.

IN MY LIFE, I know what it’s like to hurt the feelings of those I love. It doesn’t make me proud. And thankfully, I know how to say I’M SORRY.

LIFE is full of surprises, obstacles, hurdles, and pits. But life is really what you make of it. How you react to each of these, makes a strong statement to others about your character. And people are always watching. Whatever life tosses your way, be conscious of how you react because your life affects others. IT REALLY DOES.

LIFE is genuinely good and so worth every effort to make it as grand as possible. Fill all of its nooks and crannies with LOVE. ♥️

Andi

2 thoughts on “IN MY LIFE

  1. ❤️ I love you momma. You are an amazing women that everyone loves who you come in contact with. You have learned from all those lessons and you have tried to teach us children those lessons. Although we have not heeded all of them. I thank you and very very very much appreciate and adore you. Love you always and forever. Keep writing

    Liked by 1 person

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