An Emptiness I Cannot Imagine

My morning ritual of coffee and time with God has become very important to me this summer. I will miss these early mornings on my front porch swing when winter arrives. Today as I read through 2 Peter, my heart found the words to this blog. I’m thankful for the inspiration as sadly, my muse is MIA. For now, my inspiration comes from the Bible.

All my life I’ve been different. Even as a young girl I felt different from my family. Not necessarily like a black sheep. I just never felt like I fit in. And I really didn’t. I was awkward. I didn’t get the jokes. And I was taken more seriously. I was deeply drawn to God at a very young age. We would play church and I would be the preacher and song leader. We were raised Catholic. Sort of. We weren’t strict Catholics by any means. I had my first communion but never went to confession. Had I done that, I probably would have had to move into a confessional. Not that I was a bad girl per se, but just knowing the way I think (overthink), I would have over-analyzed every thought, every action, and turned it all into sin. And I would have thought that confessing to a priest was the only way I could get to heaven. So I’m glad I didn’t grasp the whole Catholic confession thing at that age. I left the Catholic Church in my mid-teens and became Lutheran when I got married at 19. Eventually, I became just a Christian.

No matter where I was in life, or what I was doing, I always believed. Even when I understood nothing. I have no idea when I first heard of Jesus. Maybe it was when my mom shared the Christmas story with me. But from day one, I believed. And I had to know Him.

I had within me a flame of determination to find God…and I kept searching until I did. I asked those in respected places questions they could not answer. And I had a boatload of questions that needed answers. So I kept searching. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I’ve gained a lot knowledge and insight along the way. And even after finding God, I realize that Christianity is a continued journey of self-discovery, of learning and growing, of obedience and submission, along with daily challenges of His will vs mine.

My story has been filled with highs and lows but is really no different than yours. Situations are different, sure…and each of us is unique, so the way we handle things vary. There were times when I was a very strong Christian. And then there were very low times of me testing my independence. But I always knew He was there. Always. Never have I doubted or disputed His existence. Have I denied Him like Peter did? Yes, I have, and shamefully so. But never His existence.

With all this being said, I cannot possibly imagine the emptiness and the loneliness of not believing in God. Actually, I cannot comprehend life without Jesus. Even before I knew God, I believed. I knew He existed. How does the mind (and heart) write off God as nothing? Nonexistent? How does one believe, and then later, not believe? I have never not believed so I can’t go there. I just can’t.

What would be our purpose upon this earth?What would give us hope? And what would fill that empty place in our soul if we chose not to believe in God. Why would we even have a soul?

Such an emptiness…I simply cannot imagine.

I don’t even want to try.

I know loss and emptiness. I know rejection. But without God…none of these compare.

This week I ask that you to focus on the existence of God. Believe with all your heart that He is real and that He is ever-present. Because He is. We need Him now, today. And He desires for us to come to Him in our joy, and in our sorrow, in our strength, and especially, in our weakness.

Our God is amazing.

I enjoy and appreciate our coffee time together. Sadly, my reader numbers have greatly declined in the last few weeks. Maybe because it’s 2020, the year of real life sci-fi. (It’s no longer fiction, baby.) Maybe because I’ve changed and it’s affected my writing negatively. I don’t know. Probably a combination of things. But the private messages I’ve received have encouraged me to continue. Even though my readers are few, my blogs matter to them. And I am thankful.

God exists.♥️ Be grateful for that.

Andi

Photos: one sunset, different angles, August 13, 2020, (Instead of a storm chaser, I was a sunset chaser.)

5 thoughts on “An Emptiness I Cannot Imagine

  1. I understand “growing up Catholic”. So many things I didn’t understand about God and who He now is in my life. We stumble, we fall…but always know the He is there to pick us up and never ever leave us. Thanks for coffee, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Amen! You have Him in your heart as do I, and we will meet in heaven some day! Praise the Lord!! Please think on this-My dad is 82 and he has been a Baptist Pastor since I was 6, I am 52. Sometimes, he would get down if church numbers were getting low, but then he said something that has always stayed with me. If he preached the gospel of how to ask the Lord in to your heart, and his message only reached one person in this world his whole life, then that was the Lord’s will and purpose for him. He and my mom and us as a family have had many trials, but we keep going and we keep doing what He wants us to do. You keep writing and you keep sharing about the Lord no matter the numbers. You might not ever know the person or people you have and will reach, but you will one day in heaven! Have a blessed and wonderful day!!! :)Jen

    Liked by 1 person

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