Where Do I Go From Here?

Life is short. I’ve been shown that so many times now. Get a clue, Andi. My life is stagnant. I go to work and come home. Everyday is the same. My fault, yes. We are in charge of the direction of our own lives. And time waits on no one. And now, I have no parents. I’m at the top of the ladder. It’s weird and actually uncomfortable. I’m the next generation in line. Life is rushing by.

My sister and I had a discussion last week about Dad. He never pushed us to be successful. He pushed us to be happy. He lived life to the fullest. He sailed. He baked. He traveled. He played in bands. He barrel-raced. He loved fast cars. He baked some more. He dabbled in many things until he succeeded with each and then moved on to something else that caught his eye. I raised children. That is big. That was my life. But now I need to make discoveries, go on adventures, and challenge myself. Even if this means I need make personal changes and perhaps, even relocate.

I’m what many consider to be in a great place…singlehood. Many tell me this is a fantastic place to be. Well, I don’t consider it to be so fantastic. I was married for 31 years. I think I know what it’s all about and it’s something I still desire. But it doesn’t appear to be here. And it’s definitely not now. Maybe never. So I need to use my singleness to go out and find my own way. Wherever that takes me…

I’m not sure what this all entails but I guess I’ll have fun figuring it out. Meanwhile, I’ll be completing tasks and tying up loose ends. The dreams I once had are perhaps changing; possibly evolving into something completely different. It’s hard to let them go but sometimes we have no choice but to take a different route to reach what we search for. Time will tell.

I feel age creeping up on me and now is the time to make changes while I still can. Tick tock. So…off I go. My mind is spinning. I’m trying to be brave and strong. I talk big. Real big sometimes. Let’s see if I can walk bigger. Wish me luck. ♥️

Andi

Photos: my beautiful orchid