The Cost of Being Me

I am not a perfect human being by any means. I will never mislead anyone to believe I am anything but imperfection at its finest. I try my best to be better with every day. I wear my heart for all to see. I try to see the the very best in others. I forget and move on past most unpleasantries rather easily. Probably to a fault. I’m vocal on some issues, quiet on others, and maybe somewhat excitable. How about this…I am passionate.

When I see a very good thing, I will, in all honesty, go after it whether it is an opportunity of some sort or a relationship. This is only after I have weighed the pros and cons and also see a sincere interest from the other side as well. So when I get excited and enthusiastic over something amazing, well…I get excited and enthusiastic. Then guess what usually happens? The other side backs off. Their initial excitement appears to have never happened, which leaves me standing all alone scratching my head, and usually in tears. Pretty soon it looks like I was the only participating participant in the endeavor/ communication/ relationship. I’m left in a state of confusion and not understanding. Yep, that pretty much hurts.

The cost of being me…

People say that one of the most important qualities they desire in others is honesty. But I’ve found out that many do not even though they say they do. They really do not care one way or the other. If we are building a relationship and I have learned to trust you 100%, I will spill my 100% honest guts all over you. You ask questions and I answer. And I do the same with you. That’s what people do in close friendships or relationships. Or, so I thought. But then you walk away and I’m left feeling empty and vulnerable that I opened up to yet another person. And I simply do not get it.

The cost of being me…

I’ve been told recently that I need to open up even more. But I know the risk of that all too well. How many more people need to walk this earth knowing the intimate details of my story? I am beginning to lose trust in people.

If I am drawn into your world because you have welcomed me into it, please don’t just walk away after getting me to trust you. After I’ve shared my story, please don’t just pretend that you didn’t open your heart to me so I would be comfortable to share. I’d rather become a hermit and live that type of lonely than continually suffer the humiliation and embarrassment of feeling like I was very important to you when I was nothing but another name that crossed your path.

The cost of being me…is high. Or, am I cheap. I’m not sure how to look at it. I am gullible. I am naive. And I am all too trusting.

The cost of being me…is painful.

I am not sure how to do things differently. Am I supposed to change who I am? I don’t know that I want to. I worked very hard to get to this point where I’m actually beginning to like who I am. But I certainly do not like my vulnerability. And I lack understanding, for sure.

Okay, I woke up with that heaviness on my heart this morning. But I don’t want to leave you feeling heavy from reading this. I’m still growing and learning. I am okay, really. No worries. So to lift you back up I am sending you this gorgeous face to brighten your day. She posed for me at the county fair. Isn’t she a cutie? (I call her a she because of her gorgeous eyelashes.)

Have a great day and a great start to the new week. Praise God in all things. Even in your trials. ♥️

Andi

The cost of being me no way compares to the cost of being Jesus. He came to this earth and endured more than any one of us could ever comprehend. He made Heaven a possibility for each of us. ♥️