Written September 16, 2013

In the night, as I sit alone in my room, I think of many things. Not that I can solve the world’s problems because I cannot even solve my own. But I am a thinker. It’s what I do.

Tonight my thoughts are a tangled web of what if, why, I’m scared. I hurt, I want more, I need more, I feel caged, and I can’t breathe. Anxiety, at its best.

And as I sit here on my bed, I find myself both paralyzed and restless. Unsettled, in every sense of the word. And then…just as the nighttime chill from my open window brushes against my skin, words from an old, musty poetry book whisper to my soul. It is at this moment, a peace settles over me. I realize that not only am I a thinker (and a fidgety one at that). I am a dreamer. I am a wanderer. I am a searcher. And I am not alone.

A few years ago, I read a poem written by the late James Kavanaugh. That poem led me to read another of his poems, and then another, until I quickly realized what an amazing writer this man was, and while I don’t agree with all his thoughts, he became my favorite poet. He was a searcher, as am I.

“Some people do not have to search – they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned. They do not seem to ask much of life, sometimes they do not seem to take it seriously. At times I envy them, but usually I do not understand them – seldom do they understand me. I am one of the searchers.” ~James Kavanaugh (an excerpt from the introduction to his book, “There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves”, 1970)

I understand, and share in his sentiment, in all 285 beautifully written words in his introduction. He spoke what is on my heart. In this post, I will share my own heartfelt thoughts, personal interpretation, and examine a little further into who I am as a searcher. I believe, to most, I am a complex being. Maybe even troublesome. Considering that I am also a Gemini, that may very well be true. To me, I am simple, but I will compromise and say, I’m simply complex.

I find myself drawn to the beauty of nature. I am overwhelmed at the variety of life found in the depths of a forest, captivated by the ever-changing personality of the Great Lakes, and mesmerized by the movement of an ocean. I’m in awe of the view from a mountaintop, intrigued by the connection of every living creature to each other, grateful of the purposeful design of life, and renewed with every sunrise; having a strong desire to wander this earth, often off the beaten path, in search of things not seen before.

Searchers…

We are happy with the simple things in life. But to others, we are complex. Maybe because we appear to be unsettled. And, well, maybe we are to a certain extent. Many may not understand the way in which we dream, as they are often content with their own lives of defining rules, expectations, and boundaries. And that’s perfectly okay. It’s a place of safety and surety. We, on the other hand, are restless souls. What’s out there for us to capture, feel, and explore? Searchers seek to fill a void and, of course, find answers to their many questions concerning life. We enjoy the mysteries of life.

We are explorers and adventurers, romantics and skeptics. Always searching for answers, and rhymes to our reasons. Struggling with answers that are not clearly defined. Looking for alternative ways to present the same question in order to find an answer that seems the closest to truth, because searchers desperately desire truth.

We desire to be loved deeply. We long for a love that appreciates the wanderer in us. One that embraces our uniqueness, is intrigued by our ability to love, respectful of our busy minds and of our curious nature. A love that appreciates humor and laughter. One that doesn’t stifle or criticize dreams and/or bucket lists. One that doesn’t create unreasonable boundaries to confine our spirit. But a love that appreciates a good adventure as well…if only in a dream.

Maybe we are an odd sort as we can find a kind of peace in being sad at times, and comfort in being alone, because we feel these are as important as any other aspect of the human spirit.

We feel deeply, and hurt easily. We wear our heart on our sleeve. Forgiveness typically comes easy for us and we have a tendency to forget. To our own detriment, we often share too much, and other times, we share too little. Our timing is off much of the time. We may appear wishy-washy but it’s just that our minds never stop. Sometimes we cannot keep up with our own thoughts.

We dream big, but have a tendency to live small, as we haven’t quite figured out details. But still, we can be quite content sitting among the dandelions in our own yard or admiring a busy bee. We love hard, and we fall hard too. Regardless, I wouldn’t want it any other way. To feel so deeply, even when it hurts, only means we are truly alive.

Searchers look at life as an adventure. Regardless of who you are, we all write our own journey. Life is incredibly short and there is much to do and explore. And to love. Looking back, I see a captive mind, a restless soul, who didn’t grasp the swiftness, or vastness, of life. Therefore, I didn’t use my time and energy as wisely as I could have/ should have. Here I am now in my late fifties, with the energetic mindset of an 18 year old, and a body that is no longer on the same page. Oh, I haven’t given up. I will never give up nor will I stop dreaming.

I will continue to cherish the searcher in me. The wanderer and the dreamer. For this is who I am and it keeps me happy and youngish. It’s not easy living with a wild mind that rarely sleeps. Actually, it is quite the contrary. Be grateful for who YOU are. You don’t need to be a searcher to live to YOUR life to its fullest. The diversity of people makes our world amazing.

Strive to be better than you were yesterday. Kinder, more loving, and forgiving. And always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

There’s so much on my mind and someone is heavy on my heart. I’m distracted. Indecisive. Worried. Feeling helpless. I find myself doing stupid stuff. I am forgetting things I never forget. I say the wrong things. I use wrong words! I even used a stapler incorrectly. A stapler! Not once. Not twice. But three times! I laughed uncontrollably once I realized. The woman working with me said she wanted whatever I had for breakfast.

I think my coping mechanism is broke.

I’m glad tonight is Friday. I planned a creative home project for tomorrow to keep my mind occupied. Well, it is already occupied. That just can’t be avoided. But maybe being creative will be a sort of relief. I would really like to get away but realistically, this brain of mine goes wherever I go. So there’s that.

Tonight I went to First Friday. Our little city has this event all through the summer. There are typically two bands playing in different areas of the square. There are venders, food, booze, and even a huge bouncy wall climb for the kids. But I felt out of place walking around by myself. Lonely in a crowd. I’m just so out of sorts. So I left and went to the Blue Store.

There’s just so much, but without God, where would I be? I know how hard it is with God. I can’t even imagine.

I do know that no one is exempt from problems and decisions. But when they are your own they tend to be larger than life.

Psalm 27:7 O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me.

Tomorrow will be better. I’m sure of it. ♥️

Andi

Prayers for my dear friend continue.

Psalm 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.

Original post: July 22, 2021. Edited.

(Based on the song You Say, by Lauren Daigle. Highlighted words belong to her.)

I listened to this song twice on my way to work this morning. It hit home. When nothing seems to go right, when you just don’t measure up, and when you feel empty and alone…this song is a reminder that God sees you differently than you see yourself.

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know

He is a comfort in times of trial and heartache. He supports us when we do not have the strength to support ourself.

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours

And I believe
Oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe.

The question is…do we believe? I mean really believe? I know I fall short. I doubt at times. A lot of times. I get angry sometimes too. I realize there is another power on this earth who wants me to question my belief in my God; who wants me to fail. One who wants me to selfishly live for myself and throw God to the wayside. So I need to be much stronger.

I believe…

This song gave me encouragement this morning. I hope you find encouragement through it as well. ♥️

Andi

The YouTube link is below.

https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI

Lyric Source: MetroLyrics

Photo: Sunset, St. Joe, MI, 2017; my beautiful rose

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope.

A new heart?

As you told me that you need a heart transplant, the floor dropped and the walls caved in around me. Tears stung my eyes. And my heart hurt for yours.

That was on Saturday afternoon. Since that day, the words that you need a new heart keep repeating in my mind.

A new heart. A new heart. A new heart. Almost like a beating heart.

But I know differently.

Of all the people on this planet, you need a new heart least of anyone. In fact, I want one just like yours.

My friend, your heart is amazing. There’s no doubt that your heart is filled with the love of God. And that you love and respect him in return. You strive to do good and encourage others to do the same.

You are tough and complicated, and at times, difficult to understand. Maddening, too, on occasion. Yet, everywhere you go, you gently sow seeds of kindness and gratitude. You are genuine. The real deal. And truly unique.

You have great compassion for others. We talk. You listen tirelessly, and without complaint…even when it’s getting late. Then you add wisdom to the conversation, and it’s our turn to listen. And we do.

You have a gentleness for all of God’s creation. You love nature and you share that love with others. Your little country farm is a safe haven for both animals and people.

You joyfully give. You give your time, your wisdom, your money, and most of all, your heart.

You are my teacher. You continue to teach me many valuable life lessons, like squirrel time, rising above adversity like cream rises in coffee, a greater appreciation for God and nature, about the remarkable monarch butterfly, and subtlety, how to be okay in life without a partner.

You are my muse as you fill me with inspiration on what to write. You praise my posts and delicately share your thoughts on how to improve them. Your biggest complaint is that some posts are just too long and I lose you. Maybe even like this one. I will accept that…with a smile.

You quietly walk beside me in the coolness of my shadow. You know when I need you and you appear. You are my rock, my tether. You fill my bucket. You are not perfect, yet…no one could ask for a better earthly friend.

The very essence of your heart is beautiful and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Remember how patient you were with me as you tried to teach me patience? I thought I had a good grip on it. But not today. I want you well…now.

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

I have HOPE that there are better days ahead for you. I PRAY without ceasing, and am waiting with PATIENCE. ♥️

Andi

My Heart Trusts

Photos: animals and monarch were taken by me.

A post by Regie Hamm, one of my favorite bloggers. I can definitely relate to his post.

I used to visit my great-grandmother who was born maybe less than 20 after the Civil War. Her daughter, my maternal grandmother, would tell us stories of traveling through the Dakotas, Minnesota, and Wisconsin by covered wagon. Grandma was run over by the wheels of a wagon when she was young and her legs never looked quite normal but she was still able to walk. Grandpa was born in January 1900. He was a lumberjack in his early years as a young man. He had a horrific accident with a saw which he somehow survived. Grandma’s basement smelled of dill from all the canning she did. Canning was a means of survival. They knew what it was not have anything so they worked hard to have something. Listening to the elder generation speak of the depression and wars…they knew what it took to survive. And survive they did because here we are today. And now a new improved generation is dictating how life really is to those of us who know first and second hand about the fragility of life. A privileged generation here ONLY because of the survival skills and will-to-live of their grandparents before them.

I hope you take the time to read Regie’s post below. ♥️ Andi

The future is a fragile thing.  You can raise your son or daughter (or whatever the other genders are) in the best way you know how, but then …

LETTER FROM A GRANDCHILD …

I have a lot of questions concerning God’s will for my life. I know some of you may have the same questions.

How do we know when God is opening a door?

Is it even a door?

How do I know if I should step through it?

How do we know that we are making a right decision?

How do we know his plan for us?

Is this his will, or mine?

How do we know when God is leading us?

How do I know that I’ve surrendered enough to let him work in my life?

Why is all of this so difficult to understand and to know the right answers?

I am struggling with:
Do I wait longer?
Is this a door I see?
Is this the right decision?
Am I pleasing God?

Are you struggling with questions such as these? Have you found the answers you need?

Since I want to do what’s right in God’s eyes, I need some answers. But I am confused on how to know if and how God is working in my life currently. God is not the author of that confusion….so, how do I know…how do I see…God’s will?

I am a tad bit overwhelmed with life right now.

And of course, I overthink. It’s what I do best.

Let me know your thoughts. It’d be greatly appreciated. ♥️

Andi

Decision making isn’t my cup of tea. It tends to be painful. Always has been. Even if it’s a small decision like, “Where do you want to eat?” Holy cow…don’t ask me. Just take me.

I’ve been divorced for a decade now. I own a home. I work out in the often not-so-nice world. All of these have pushed me reluctantly into even more decision making. Not sure it will ever get easier to be honest.

But yesterday, I made a big decision. One I’ve been battling with since the beginning of the year. It hit me bigly in the middle of the day about which direction I should go. I officially made the decision. Even though this decision will lead to more decision-making, I needed to finalize this one. Sadly, much to the dismay of others.

But I did it for me. And I feel it is the best for me. Instead of tossing and turning another night, I made a decision.

Whether this turns out to be good, or another painful regret, remains to be seen. I have a history of making wrong decisions.

Decision making to me is kind of like poking a badger with a stick.

So I will wonder.

But the fact is…I made it. And I felt a weight lifted.

One down. One at a time.

Have a joyful day. I feel a tad lighter. ♥️

Andi

Trust in him. ♥️

Andi

Photo credit: Casoli, Italy, I believe my father took this picture.

Original post: November 26, 2021.

The innocence of a child. Is there anything more beautiful? Such wonderment in simple things.

I bought this little mermaid for my granddaughter. The jewel is her birthstone. It was very inexpensive but this tiny treasure means a great deal to her as she loves the sea and it’s mystical mermaids.

She has a routine before bed. Her blankets have to be placed on her in order with the last one over her head. Then tuck her in tight with a snug as a bug in a rug. She turns on her little mermaid and watches the changing colors until she’s close to sleep. Then she turns it off. She’s good about that.

What does she think about as she gazes into the colorful crystal ball? I don’t want to disturb her by asking questions. Those thoughts belong to her. To me, in this moment of time, she is a little mermaid swimming happily, through a frothy sea, with other mystical creatures and friends…and without a care in the world. Grandma’s little mermaid.

I couldn’t resist taking these pictures. I treasure these quiet moments. These won’t last forever. Before you know it, she will pack away these simple things and swim off to start a life of her own.

Cherish the little things for they are often the most precious moments of your life. ♥️

Andi

Today I was shopping at one of my least favorite stores, which I happen to frequent more often than I prefer. When you live in the boonies like I do, you don’t have many choices. My once young children called it the “Blue Store”.

I was heading near the pharmacy department to pick up some hydrogen peroxide. A woman older than me was in front of me with a cart. She turned into the same aisle I heading.

As she turned the corner, her right arm snapped away from her body, and she quickly grabbed a package of Claritin from the end cap display. As quick as her arm went out, it snapped back to her side. I knew what she did. So I came up beside her. She very nervously said something to me. It wasn’t audible. Her nervousness though was a blinkin’ beacon. With both hands on the cart, there was no Claritin to be seen anywhere. And I know she knew, that I knew, what she did.

Maybe I should have said something like, “I can’t use Claritin as it upsets my stomach.” Or, maybe, “My allergies are bad this year. You reminded me that I need to grab some Claritin too.” Maybe I should have just told her that I saw what she did and to put it back before I report her.

Next time maybe I’ll be brave enough to try that approach. But today I found an employee passing by and I told him. He said he’d get a manager. Whether he did or not, I do not know. But at least I reported it.

Stealing has a direct effect on the cost of everything. I’d say it’s the oldest profession out there but I think that spot is taken. I guess it would be the second oldest profession.

What would you have done? Just let it go? If you are that financially broken (which many are nowadays) let’s go about it in the right way. Tens of thousands are taking advantage of a broken system that they don’t actually need. So I’m sure she would qualify. By the way, she snatched up that item quickly and hid it in the blink of an eye…clearly, this wasn’t her first rodeo.

So what would you have done?

Andi

Photo: securitytags.com

Psalm 69:3
I am weary with my crying out; my throat is parched. My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.

With the many struggles I am currently in the midst of, I have grown weary. My eyes yet burn from the tears shed yesterday. My energy is waining. I want to hide and sleep but there is no quiet place for me.

I ask for prayers to be answered so I know. I must know where my God wants me to be. I ask for relief in my mind for all that is stirred up. Then perhaps a blanket of peace will cover me and I can sleep again.

I desire to help all who have approached me recently in their brokenness. I am a healer of sorts. I have to fix things and make them right, or at least better. I do not perform miracles. I only aid in healing when someone trusts me enough to listen, guide, and direct them. Currently, I feel I’m failing each of them as I am growing weary with my own concerns.

Today I pray for strength, wisdom, and guidance from above. I ask for clarity of mind so I can focus. My desire is to be a better helper to others, as well as to better manage my own affairs.

Deep within, my soul is in a happy place as I know my God has not abandoned me. I only ask that I might see his path more clearly. I know this is all passing and tomorrow will be brighter.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. ♥️

Andi

Photo: Jamaican shoreline, 2016

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

The heart is, in my opinion, the greatest organ in the human body. Granted, it cannot function without the assistance of other vital organs, but the heart is the very center of our being.

Aside from the heart performing the physical aspects of keeping the body alive, the heart is so much more than just an organ.

Our heart carries the weight of the world.

It beats.

It breaks.

It mends.

It rejoices.

It weeps.

It skips.

It melts.

It scars.

It trusts.

It hates.

It softens.

It remembers.

It thinks.

It honors.

It sings.

It feels.

It hardens.

It prays.

It loves.

And in loving, the heart miraculously always has room to love one more, although it never increases in size.

The heart reflects who we are, no matter if we are good or evil. (Proverbs 23:7a)

As he thinketh in his heart, so is he.

The word heart is used approximately 800 times in the Bible, so our heart must be pretty important to God.

He put great thought into the heart of man. He designed the heart in such a loving way that it became the very essence of man. And that essence of who we are lives for all eternity.

Note to my dear friend: This is a season to remember. It is a season to trust God and his promises. A season to pray hard, and then pray harder. It is a season to rejoice and to be grateful. It is a season of tears and of joy; of hope and of reassurance. My heart hurts, yet my heart trusts.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…

♥️

Andi

Original post: October 29, 3021. Edited.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (ESV)

For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

Use your time wisely. Know when it’s time to cry and when it is time to work. Remember that a season doesn’t last forever…regardless if it’s good or bad. Our lives cycle like the tides. Nothing remains the same. Well, except for God.

In all seasons, be very grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: sunrise at home, taken by my daughter, October 2020; St. Pete Beach, March 2021

Walk through any toy department and you will find an array of unicorns. They are usually white with pastels sprinkled about them in some fashion. I’m not a fan of pastels. Nor am I a lover of unicorns. In fact, I do not like them at all. I don’t know why. I just don’t.

I’m glad unicorns were not much of a “thing” when my three girls were growing up. They did want real horses though. I was totally good with that.

But now that my children are starting their own families, complete with little girls, unicorns are now a “thing” these days and my three granddaughters love them. Much to my dismay.

I said I’d never buy one.

Never. NEVER. NEVER.

Never…ever….

I have since lost track of how many unicorns I have purchased for my new little girls. One unicorn purse is on its way to Chicago as I write this. I even bought a unicorn Christmas stocking for one of them last year.

But with the smiles, the giggles, the way these little ones tightly hug their unicorns…how can this grandma possibly say no? I can’t…even with the subtle eye twitching when a unicorn, or three, are placed in my shopping cart and pushed throughout the store.

I love my sweet littles. But I am so looking forward to the day when they ask for a real pony. Maybe a nice shiny brown one with a flowing black mane. Yeah…that’s my dream. ♥️

Andi

Oh…and never say never.

Why is it when everything goes well after a difficult time, we put Jesus back in the drawer and forget about him until the next trial brings us down?

We still have pretty much the same stuff going on in our life as when we were going through the bad time. But then, we prayed without ceasing, and God answered us in his way. How do we forget his graciousness so easily?

Are we really any different from Peter when he denied Jesus three times? He didn’t even remember the words Jesus spoke until his eyes met Jesus’s and then he did. And Peter went out and wept bitterly.

Peter physically walked this earth alongside of Jesus. How could he so easily forget?

And how could we?

I guess we are the same as Peter. Human. But still….

I’ve heard some state they are closer to God when things are on the upswing, and pull away from him during the bad times. I’m the opposite of that, for sure. When things are going good, Ms Andi is in control. She’s got this. When things go south, it is then she remembers all that Jesus has done in her life.

That’s just not how it works. If we want Jesus with us during the bad times, we must include him in our good times as well. Jesus is not a genie-in-a-drawer.

Learn to be consistent and keep Jesus close every single day. He deserves that place in our life and, actually…he wants to be there. ♥️

Andi

JAMES 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Just as winter fades into spring, and spring into summer, it appears to be my season of trials once again. I desire the crown of life so I must withstand the testing of my faith through this difficult time. I am no stranger to trials. I’m just tired. I long for a season of peace. Maybe that’s not meant to be here in the flesh.

Strive to remain steadfast in your journey. Be grateful for peaceful moments. And love God. ♥️

Andi

So my sweet granddaughter lasted one day without eating meat. Yesterday, her mommy made her a non-meat meal. She was, however, upset that her parents were eating pork sandwiches.

Denae’s update:

So today we had a conversation about God creating animals and the differences between farm, pet, and exotic animals.

But the heart-crushing part came when Kota asked if the animals were okay with being food.

(Permission granted to tear up now.)

Kota said she will eat farm animals as long as they are okay with it. And she refuses to eat her pets (of course).

She still won’t eat a pork sandwich but she was 1000% okay with getting her favorite Dunkin wake-up wrap with bacon today. But she did ask if the pig was okay with being the bacon.

Denae to her husband: Mando, we are going to be vegetarians now. I can’t deal with the questions.

Note about Mando: he is a phenomenal griller of meats. He has the magic touch when it comes to grilling, frying, and roasting.

My sweet Dakota is certainly a deep thinker, and compassionate beyond measure. I just love that little girl to pieces. ♥️

Andi

If I asked my readers who loves animals?, I bet most of you would raise your hand. We might not prefer the same type of animal, but that’s okay. My son, Jet, once had 36+ snakes of various kinds in our home along with tortoises, hissing cockroaches, scorpions, tarantulas, iguanas, and a bearded dragon named, Bob. To each his own, right?

Well, yesterday I received an interesting text from my daughter, Denae. She relayed a conversation between her and Kota, her four year-old daughter.

Kota: Mommy, I don’t want to eat farm animals. They have eyes. I’ll eat my veggies and that’s it, okay?

Mommy: Ok, Kota, do you still want to eat eggs?

Kota: Yes, that’s fine as long as they aren’t chicken eggs. There’s babies in there.

Mommy: Eggs are chicken eggs. But there’s no babies in there. Is that ok?

Kota: Ok, as long as there’s no animals in it.

Denae noted: If food is not an animal, she now calls it “good foods”.

Kota: I’ll eat it as long as it’s good and not bad food with eyes.

Denae noted: Kota actually hates veggies and loves chicken tenders and tacos, so she said we will see how long this will last.

It certainly is sweet how Koto loves animals and how she is starting to put life’s puzzle pieces together. It’s all a part of the learning process.

In junior high school, I announced to my family that I would no longer eat meat. That lasted until my father told me I couldn’t eat The Quonset pizza they ordered. Which, by the way, was THE best pizza on planet earth.

So, my vegetarian diet lasted maybe half a day. Maybe. Today, I am 99.9% carnivore.

I love my grandchildren and all the wonderful, thoughtful things that come from the purity of their hearts. ♥️

Andi

I am grateful for the room I have in my basement that allows for a large play area for my grandchildren. They can easily (and happily) stay down there all day long with the many toys, books, and movies they have access to.

There’s nothing quite like the imagination of a child. When a child can take an ordinary something and create an extraordinary something else, well…that’s creativity at its finest.

Oh…I’m not referring to my grandchildren. I’m referring to their father, Ezekiel. 😄 My 29 year-old kid, who I hope never grows up. Well, not totally, anyway.

My son works for an appliance store. He brought home heavy boxes to make his kids a castle. Belle’s tower is on the left. Jack’s is on the right. They absolutely love it as they spend a lot of time in there. They’ve drawn pictures inside on the walls too like those found in a prehistoric cave or Egyptian tomb. This castle is pretty big!

Ahhhhh….the imagination of children. Gotta love it. Not only love it, but sometimes have the room for it! ♥️

Andi

Original post: Children, March 28, 2021. Edited.

I watched two young children play next to me as we waited for our flight to Florida. When these two little girls met for the first time, within 30 seconds they became best friends. It was obvious they came from very different backgrounds and heritage. Their skin was not the same but they didn’t care. These girls knew nothing of race or of color. They had no understanding of prejudice or of injustice. They were pure, loving, and gentle with one another. They were equal. And they were beautiful.

Their giggles and playfulness brought smiles to everyone around them at the loading gate, and tears to my eyes. They were genuine and innocent. They were eager to share their toys and to love on each other. We have a lot to learn from three year olds. ♥️

Andi

Original post: April 9, 2021. Edited.

My dad listened to Rod McKuen a lot when I was growing up. I have a Rod McKuen playlist on my phone. Listening to it takes me back to a good place in time and gives me peace.

There’s a particular song I really like called Blessing in Shades of Green. Today it makes me think of all of the green signs of spring.

I took pictures around my house. There are so many shades of green, and some with brilliant colors attached, like purples and yellows. And even white…if you appreciate dandelions like I do. Nature is such a gift.

As I write, I think of other shades of green that I consider to be blessings in my life. And right away I think of the eyes of two of my daughters. With six children, we have a variety of eye color. All beautiful. Today, though, we are focusing on beautiful shades of green.

Blessings in shades of green. What a lovely, happy color. 💚

Andi

Original post: November 13, 2021. Edited.

Life’s challenges will either make you or break you. I’m teetering today.

Trying to excel in all aspects of life is probably just a little too aggressive. But where do you draw the line? How do you not try?

And when trials bombard you in a variety of ways, and from every.single.direction possible…what do you do?

And when others tell me that God won’t give me more than I can handle…well, I just don’t believe that particular thought.

I’m not handling things today. Not very well, anyway.

My sleepless mind is weary, yet it won’t rest. My body is fatigued. My heart aches. A ship without sails on a motionless sea. Yet loneliness, fear, and anxiety sweep over me in waves.

I can’t fix everyone else’s problems although I wish with all my heart that I could. My own bury me as of late.

Life’s challenges. Can you relate? I am alone in my decision-making and in my battles. I do not have a partner to help me. I am trying to pull strength from God. Am I not listening, or what?

I understand many are struggling today as our world is way off-kilter with all that has transpired over the last couple of years. It’s not a secret that more and more people are feeling fearful, anxious, and insecure. The many trials are all consuming. The burdens are just so heavy. Today, I am one of them.

Thankfully, I am able to still witness blessings in every day. And I am truly blessed beyond measure.

The scripture that comes to mind this morning is this beautiful one. This will be my focus for the day.

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God.

I know tomorrow will be a better day. ♥️

Andi

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 is the passage commonly used as the backbone for the concept that God won’t give you more (burdens, trials, and suffering) than you can handle. But Paul is actually referring to sin temptation in this context, not burdens, and finding a means of escape from that temptation of sin. If I am in error, please help me to see differently. ♥️

Photos all taken by me: Ferris wheel, county fair 2021; covered bridge near me; the sun; ship off the coast of Maine, 2017; chair, 2021; Lake Michigan, Pointe Betsie Lighthouse, 2009

Another post written by my daughter. Enjoy. ♥️ ~Andi

He walked into her life and he was everything she ever wanted and everything she didn’t know she needed. This love was different than she had …

When Ocean And Forest Meet

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
Each little bird that sings,
He made their glowing colors,
He made their tiny wings.

The rich man in his castle,
The poor man at his gate,
He made them, high or lowly,
And ordered their estate.

The purple headed mountains,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning
That brightens up the sky.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

The cold wind in the winter,
The pleasant summer sun,
The ripe fruits in the garden,
He made them every one.

The tall trees in the greenwood,
The meadows where we play,
The rushes by the water,
To gather every day.

He gave us eyes to see them,
And lips that we might tell
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful:
The Lord God made them all.

Author: Ce­cil F. Al­ex­an­der, Hymns for Lit­tle Child­ren, 1848

This poem popped into my head today as I sat outside on this gorgeous day. I am grateful for all of nature. The sights, the sounds, the smells…it’s all so wonderful to me. It’s almost magical in how it makes me feel.

No matter what is going on all around me, nature remains the same. It is just about the bestest best friend you could ever ask for. Even a simple breeze across my face is soothing. I believe God gave this to us as a special gift. He always knows exactly what we need. ♥️

Andi

Photos: all were taken by me, a favorite pastime. 🙂

God blesses us in both seen and unseen ways.

If we only knew of the times he protected when we didn’t even realize we were in danger…

Or, the many times he provided food, clothing, or that much needed friend at just the right time.

How many strangers have crossed our path who ultimately added something of value to our day? Maybe even our life?

His greatness shines on both the good and the evil. No one is exempt from the blessings of his graciousness and kindness.

Every good and perfect gift comes from him. ~James 1:17

God does far more than we ask of him. He thinks greater than we think.

Ephesians 3: 20-21
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

♥️

Andi

I have hesitated about writing this. I wondered if I should just keep this treasure to myself. But this morning I woke up thinking about this after a lengthy time of it being silent. This morning, I felt I needed to post it today. Why? I do not know unless someone somewhere needs a message of hope.

I rarely write about my mom. I think because at the time of her passing, I knew exactly where I stood in my mom’s life. I don’t struggle with if she loved me or not because her love was always freely given to me.

My mom was a wonderfully caring mother. We three absolutely adored her. All through life, she was loved by many because of her meek and gentle spirit.

Mom lived in North Carolina. My siblings and their families still live there. Many years prior to a diagnosis, I told my siblings that something was wrong with Mom. I could tell that something was off during our phone calls. My siblings brushed it off as simply aging. I understand. Sometimes when you are around someone all the time you don’t notice the subtle changes.

Eventually, Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia. My brother apologized to me for not listening to me way back when.

Mom was poor and my siblings went through great difficulty in placing her in a facility. There were many hoops to jump through with all the court hearings, testings, and doctors’ appointments. My mom had completely changed from being known as Sweet Helen to a very angry and spiteful woman. It was difficult on my brother and sister as Mom took her anger out on them. I was the good child in her eyes but only because of the 600 miles between us. Our communication was via the phone. I wasn’t there telling her what to do, how to do it, or where to go. We understood it wasn’t really Mom. Not sure that lessened the pain much though. The three of us were her world. That never changed from our births until dementia took control over her mind. We were all she had.

During those trying couple of years, unbelievable things happened. It would take too long and is unnecessary to give you all the details. I will only summarize. Just trust me. They were unbelievable nightmares.

For one Mom came up missing prior to an official diagnosis and being placed in a facility. We had to file a missing person report with the authorities. They finally found her in Minnesota in a city near North Dakota. That’s pretty far from North Carolina. That all happened because she contacted family she hadn’t seen in decades and they believed her her story that we kids were mistreating her. So they took her far away from us. We still don’t know how she was able to manage through airports alone. I can’t even imagine what her journey was like. Or, of her interaction with others. Because she wasn’t officially diagnosed at the time, there was nothing the authorities could do once they did find her. We had to wait for her to want to come home. And she finally wanted to. The people who took her saw her dementia firsthand. They sent her back.

Then after being placed in the third and final facility, she escaped through the only window in the facility that was not secure. That window happened to be in her room. She gathered all her precious belongings and wrapped them up in a sheet. Then she took them with her…out the window. She placed the sheet next to a dumpster. I’m assuming because it was heavy. She walked freely through the front yard of the facility and crossed a street. She went to a house and knocked on the door. When the homeowner answered she stated she needed help. She explained that her kids were trying to put her away, etc. But, as it turned out, thankfully, the owner of the house also owned the facility. So they were able to get her back…and they secured her window. Sadly, the trash was picked up during her little adventure and all her belongings went with it.

After she finally started to settle in there, she kept to herself. She rarely left her room. Not even to eat in the dining room. She grew very fond of an aid named, Jerome, though. He was huge in stature but gentle as a lamb to Mom. He took good care of her.

Eventually, a woman moved into the room across the hall from Mom. She was in stage four lung cancer and Mom took an instant liking to her. This new friend brightened Mom’s days. I think she gave her purpose. Mom would even take her to the dining room to eat. Mom’s friend wouldn’t talk to anyone but Mom.

On Sunday, August 9, 2015, Jerome was walking down the hall when he noticed the friend sitting in her wheelchair in the doorway of her own room. She was waving her arms wildly in the air and speaking loudly, clearly upset. Jerome stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, “Don’t you see them?! The angels! They are in the hall! ANGELS! Don’t you see them?! Oh! I missed the bus again!”

Jerome quickly went into Mom’s room where she had laid down for a nap. And…she was gone.

My brother told me this story as we were driving to his home from the airport where he had just picked me up. He was sobbing.

I wrote a letter to Jerome. I thanked him for his thoughtful caring of our mom and I asked if he might write down in his own words, the events leading up to the discovery Mom’s passing, but I never heard back from him. I suppose there are rules and regulations against this kind of request.

The funeral home was very gracious in that they set up a small room so we could see Mom. None of us could afford anything more. But they treated us with such kindness as if we paid full price. The world still has good people in it.

Mom was dressed in pajamas and she looked beautiful. She had the most remarkable expression of peace on her face. It was as though she was having a most wonderful dream.

Mom had been in a place of constant turmoil within her mind. Agitation and anger conquered her beautiful spirit. I wouldn’t wish dementia on anyone. But she finally found peace, and much needed rest.

As I stated at the beginning, I’m not sure why I felt the desire to share this now. Maybe someone needs to hear it. Or, maybe I needed to reflect upon it again.

There is hope. Hope for eternal peace in Jesus. And a hope for angels in the hall. ♥️

Andi

Genesis 1:1
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

Genesis 1:4
And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.

Psalm 19:1
The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

Psalm 50:2
Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.

I am forever fascinated with the sky. It’s splendor points to the Creator, the Artist. He is exalted through His creation. His glory is magnified in the heavens and throughout all of nature. His design, perfect. His canvas, brilliant.

Praising God today. ♥️

Andi

A few days ago I wrote about my brush. You know, the one with missing bristles. Well, I just want to say that brush was a lifesaver today.

I have this valley in my yard. A deep valley with steep hills. It’s a pain in the arse to be honest. I had to drop four ash trees in that valley as the ash borer killed them. Needless to say the yard was damaged when the trees fell. Now it is even more tedious to mow.

Nyx and I went out to pick up sticks and limbs. There’s so much. And it was hot out. I sat on a tree stump to rest at one point and half of it crumbled beneath me as it is really decayed. That’s gonna leave a bruise.

When I did all that I absolutely could, I came in and took off my jeans. (I had worn long pants, a long sleeve shirt, and a ball cap.) That’s when I found a tick crawling up my leg. I quickly untied my hair and grabbed my beloved brush. I brushed ticks out of my hair! I had to get each one out of the brush before I ran it through again.

I instantly thought of Nyx who was lying in the grass in the valley and I knew I needed to give her a bath. After her bath, it was my turn to shower. I lost count of how many tiny ticks I had on the backs of my legs! I tell you I was close to having an anxiety attack.

When I was young there were two things that terrified me. One was a match book. We didn’t have those those long butane fire starters like we have now. Lighting a match scared me to death. The other was ticks. We called them wood ticks. Lighting a match to burn a wood tick about did me in.

Nyx and I are clean and hopefully tick free at the moment. But I am still upset about them. There were so many and, did I get them all?!

Anyway, my brush did not let me down even though it’s missing bristles. I love my brush! ♥️

Andi

If you’ve read my posts long enough you know that I’m quite enchanted with sunsets. I love sunrises as well, but if I have to choose, sunsets win.

Last night’s sunset did not disappoint. Ezekiel and I sat on my front porch swing. It was a most perfect evening. As we talked, I noticed the stunning clouds in the west. Their outlines glowing, emphasized by the setting sun. I had to take pictures of course. Always thinking of blog material.

Then as the sun began to sink deeper into the horizon, the sky seemed to catch on fire. It changed so quickly.

I told Ezekiel to get in the car and I was going to take him to my sunset watching spot. It’s a place where I often go by myself just to admire the sky…and think. If you are a Pooh fan you will understand it as being my Thotful Spot.

When we arrived, the sky looked both mean and promising. Very beautiful either way.

The sun was brilliant and there was a veil of heavy rain in front of it. I don’t recall ever seeing that before.

I find God in all of nature and sunsets are no exception. Nature is where I feel the closest to him. And that’s where I choose to be…as often as I can. ♥️

Andi

Original post: October 20, 2021. Edited.

A long time ago, somewhere in the middle of my marriage, my husband said, “I don’t need you. I want you, but I don’t need you.”

I will never forget how that made me feel. Those words cut through my heart like a knife. It took my breath away and I felt worthless.

Being needed gives me purpose. Being wanted fulfills everything else.

Being needed is a huge part of who I am. I want to be needed. To say you don’t need me is almost like saying you don’t love me. It hurts like that.

Being wanted is wonderful. That’s where the beautiful part of a relationship lies. It is that special, intimate part of marriage, or the closeness in a friendship.

To complete me, I need to be both wanted and needed. That gives my life meaning and purpose. And I’m perfectly fine with desiring both in my life. It’s who I am.

I hope your day is good. Mine is. ♥️

Andi

I love the sun.

It makes me feel so amazingly wonderful.

I feel healthy.

I feel more energetic.

And, youthful.

My skin rejoices with a new healthy glow.

When God created the sun, he said it was good.

And it is!!

As the sun goddess sat on her throne today, I witnessed…I mean, she witnessed…many beautiful signs of spring.

Wasps and carpenter bees….Booooo!
Budding trees
Green grass
Hostas
Butterflies

And to know that spring is just getting started is beyond exciting!!

I hope you are just as thrilled about spring as I am. I only wish it could cure the problems of this country like it cures me. Wouldn’t that be grand! But regardless, our little patch of this earth can be made just a little brighter because spring is finally here! ♥️

Andi, okay, okay…..a.k.a. the sun goddess. ☀️

Philippians 4:6–7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Praying you might have a peaceful rest this night. ♥️

Andi

Photo: A Jamaican sunset, 2016

Original post: November 13, 2021. Edited.

Life’s challenges will either make you or break you. I’m teetering today.

Trying to excel in all aspects of life is probably just a little too aggressive. But where do you draw the line? How do you not try?

And when trials bombard you in a variety of ways, and from every.single.direction possible…what do you do?

And when others tell me that God won’t give me more than I can handle…well, I just don’t believe that particular thought.

I’m not handling things today. Not very well, anyway.

My sleepless mind is weary, yet it won’t rest. My body is fatigued. My heart aches. A ship without sails on a motionless sea. Yet loneliness, fear, and anxiety sweep over me in waves.

I can’t fix everyone else’s problems although I wish with all my heart that I could. My own bury me as of late.

Life’s challenges. Can you relate? I am alone in my decision-making and in my battles. I do not have a partner to help me. I am trying to pull strength from God. Am I not listening, or what?

I understand many are struggling today as our world is way off-kilter with all that has transpired over the last couple of years. It’s not a secret that more and more people are feeling fearful, anxious, and insecure. The many trials are all consuming. The burdens are just so heavy. Today, I am one of them.

Thankfully, I am able to still witness blessings in every day. And I am truly blessed beyond measure.

The scripture that comes to mind this morning is this beautiful one. This will be my focus for the day.

Psalm 46:10
Be still, and know that I am God.

I know tomorrow will be a better day. ♥️

Andi

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13 is the passage commonly used as the backbone for the concept that God won’t give you more (burdens, trials, and suffering) than you can handle. But Paul is actually referring to sin temptation in this context, not burdens, and finding a means of escape from that temptation of sin. If I am in error, please help me to see differently. ♥️

Photos all taken by me: Ferris wheel, county fair 2021; covered bridge near me; the sun; ship off the coast of Maine, 2017; chair, 2021; Lake Michigan, Pointe Betsie Lighthouse, 2009

I spent Easter weekend at my oldest daughter’s home. It was a wonderful time spent loving on my grandchildren and having some long overdue quality time with my daughter.

When I was getting ready to go to our Easter dinner at my son-in-law’s parents’ home, my daughter watched me as I put on my makeup and did hair. Just like when she was a little girl. And it’s the same thing I did with my mom.

When I finished my makeup, I pulled my brush from my travel bag and started to run it through my hair. My daughter caught a glimpse of my brush and grabbed it.

“Mom! You need a new brush!”

“Ummm…no, I don’t. I’ve had this one for decades and it’s perfectly fine.”

“But, Mom, the bristles are falling out of it!”

“Oh, I know. I find them on the floor every so often. But I have had this brush for such a long time that it kinda means something to me. I will use it until there are only two bristles left.”

“Well, this explains a lot about me! I have to show Mando!”

Denae took the brush and ran downstairs. “Mando! Mando! Look at Mom’s hair brush! This is why I’m the way I am!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her words. “This is why I’m the way I am!”

I think she’s a pretty awesome girl so if my weird ways (and an old hairbrush) had anything to do with her character building, I couldn’t be happier. ♥️

Andi

I collect skunks. It’s a lot of fun actually, because skunks are a challenge to find. I have found an array of antique skunks. Salt and pepper shakers, an ashtray, pins, and figurines. I have several Pepe Le Pew Christmas ornaments, salt and peppers, and a cookie jar. I even have a light switch cover. But let’s not forget Flower from Bambi. My collection also includes greeting cards, a butter dish, dice, key rings, plates, and a glass.

My love of skunks began in the ‘60s. For Christmas one year I received a red and white talking skunk that smelled like peppermint. His face was soft plastic and his mouth moved to talk when you pulled the string. I loved that skunk.

When I started to turn gray, the grayness began right in front. I wore bangs at that time. I wanted to grow them out, but I couldn’t otherwise I would have looked like a skunk. Love ‘em but don’t want to look like ‘em.

Oh….and a stinky fun fact, I don’t mind the smell of skunks. Ferrets and other smelly critters, yes, I mind. But not skunks.

Below is a sample of my collection.

Whenever a grandchild is born, I give him or her a stuffed skunk. Skunks are just a little fun part of me that I want to share with them.

Now I’d like to introduce to you the newest addition to my skunk collection.

Meet Luka. (A.K.A Moonz). ♥️

I have five little stinkers now and could not be more blessed. ♥️

Have a wonderful day!

Andi

Original post: March 23, 2021. Edited.

(adj)
1. smitten
2. state of nervous excitement
3. how I feel aboutcha

I feel alive again. Is it because of the lovely trail walks with its touches of greens, purples, and yellows, or the warmer temperatures and open windows, or the tiny bit of tan on my cheeks? Do I have the fever?

What I feel is the excitement of this new season and of the months ahead. Spring makes everything new and fresh. Adventure is in the air. The senses are filled with excited anticipation of hope and love. Twitterpation. The state of being twitterpated.

I first heard of twitterpated on the Disney movie, Bambi. Well, actually, it’s the only place I’ve ever heard it. As a hopeless romantic, I’ve always be fond of the word. Longing for love; to love, and to be loved. I may be pushing 62 but my heart is still 18. When I was young, I believed that the mind aged like the body, but that is just not so. It’s a pretty cool reality. A welcomed gift.

Hopefully, you feel this spiritual awakening too. No matter what you choose to call it, spring fever or twitterpation, just run with it. Leave old man winter behind and feel the excitement of another spring. Bask in the warmth of the sun and let youthful love fill your heart and soul. ♥️

Andi

PHOTO CREDITS: blogs.disney.com; daragrieco.blogspot.com; definition, etsy.com

…that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures…

A day for rejoicing!

Happy Easter! ♥️

Andi

There are two times during my life when the world came to an eerie silence. The first time were the days following the 9/11 tragedy. Especially those first three days when the skies were void of any air traffic.

The second time were those two weeks of Covid lockdown. Fear kept us quiet. No one made a sound. No car or plane traffic to speak of either which kept our whole world silent.

You don’t realize the amount of noise around you until…it’s not.

But I can only imagine the silence this Saturday all those centuries ago. This was the day after Jesus was crucified. And I imagine there was now a great amount of fear attached to the sadness that already overwhelmed the hearts of those who loved Jesus.

Today marks the day of the loudest silence in the history of the world.

The people were confused. They lacked understanding of all that had taken place up until this point. I cannot fathom the depth of loss and helplessness these people felt at their loss of Jesus. And all seemed hopeless. I have felt loss, helplessness, and loneliness in my life. But to have physically walked with Jesus, heard him speak and teach, and witnessed the miracles firsthand…I can’t even imagine the depth of despair of having him gone.

Today is a good day to reflect on the silence. Where was Jesus then? Where is he today? Even though we did not walk this earth with him physically he is still walks with us today. We have the complete story. The people of yesterday did not have the completed puzzle. The puzzle was being assembled at that time and they were part of it.

With that being said, we should rejoice that we can see the whole picture. We don’t have to walk with Jesus as a physical man in order to believe or feel what the people felt back then.

Listen to the silence. Feel the silence. It’s pretty loud. ♥️

Andi

PS If you still feel you need something to move you, the Passion of Christ will do just that. It’s intense in its portrayal of the events of this holy week. I could only watch it once as it was just that powerful.

💔♥️

Andi

Photo credit: newsroompost.com

Original post: September 23, 2021. Edited.

Life is full of situations that can teeter one way or another. We can make a bad situation worse though simply by not thinking things through.

Sometimes when we see a loved one hurting at the hands of another, we get angry right away along with them. We talk smack about the “evil” doer – even without hearing the whole story. We suggest retaliation rather hastily. We feed the hurt. Things get ugly. But ugly doesn’t solve anything nor is it conducive to healing.

I’m not saying we don’t have a right to be angry. We can be angry. But anger needs to be kept in check. Anger can destroy you from the inside out if you are not careful. Use the energy in a positive way, and not for revenge.

Ephesians 4:26
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.

As hard as it is, we must minimize the ugliness by being mindful of the thoughts in our head and the words that we speak. Our actions affect all of those around us. They can greatly affect the most innocent of all, the hearts of our children. You just never know who is watching from the sidelines. So we need to be very careful not to ugly-up our character.

Minimize the ugliness. It’s the healthiest, most positive way to move forward. ♥️

Andi

Original post: March 13, 2022. Edited.

My youngest daughter and I took Nyx for a walk one lovely Sunday afternoon. For most of that day, I’d been going through my jewelry, trinkets, and keepsakes; sorting and pitching as I went. There were a lot of journeys down memory lane. Happy and sad journeys. Much of what I own is from loved ones who are no longer here. So I just needed a break.

Nyx’s favorite thing is running. So if no one was present in any direction, I would unleash her and let her have some fun. She never goes far from me though. She’s a one-person dog. That person being me. She suffers from separation anxiety so she needs to be near.

As we walked, Mattea and I laughed a lot at this crazy dog of mine. We talked a lot too. Walking is always a special time for us. We have each other’s full attention. No distractions. Well, except for Nyx who is trying to grab a tree root to play fetch with, or dragging a huge limb into the pathway.

I enjoyed our mother/ daughter conversations. Mostly, she vented about how hard life is. And I agreed. It is hard. And it doesn’t get any easier the older you get. I simply told her: There’s no learning in easy.

There really is no learning in easy. Learning and growing. That’s what we do from birth until death. Trials, hardships, and challenges build character. They mold and shape us into better, more compassionate, people. Or, they should anyway.

Be grateful things aren’t always easy. Rejoice when you find a patch of peace. Pray for relief when life just seems a bit too much. Love those who come to your aid during hardship. I know I am blessed with those who care.

If you have a chance, go for a walk with a loved one. Enjoy conversation with each other without distraction. Well, unless you have your own Nyx to entertain you along the way. ♥️

Andi

Original post: April 18, 2021. Edited.

Life is meant to be colorful. Otherwise, why would God have created our world so beautifully? When you look at the blessings of the ability to see in color, and the endless array of color, how could we choose to not live colorfully?

A colorful life isn’t by chance. It isn’t “let the blocks fall as they may”, or, “if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen”.

A colorful life is about working hard for something, or someone. It’s about nurturing, and holding onto, and not letting go of.

This is another wonderful blessing of life. Painting our canvas; our ability to make our own world colorful.

Don’t stifle your creativity, dreams, or goals only to live in a black and white world. When I was young, I thought if you got off a plane in Germany the world there would be in black and white. Why was that? I believe it was because of all the black and white war films around the time I was growing up. I haven’t been to Germany but pictures prove it is anything but black and white.

We tell our young children they can reach for the stars. They can be firemen or doctors or astronauts or teachers. We encourage them to dream, and to dream big. But what happened as we got older? Why aren’t we still reaching for the stars? Why do we leave the dreaming to the children? Dreams can come true even in adulthood. I believe this. But sometimes it means taking chances and making sacrifices. Note to self.

Just to clarify though, a colorful life doesn’t mean we have to do big and extravagant things. You don’t have to have a boatload of money to paint your life beautiful. It’s simply about making life better and happier for ourselves and those around us. Sometimes it’s as simple as the giving and sharing of our time. Quality time.

Dream. Create. Be motivated. Paint your canvas. ♥️

Andi

Photos: autumn in Maine; my coloring project

Yesterday I went hiking with my daughter, Charlie, and my dog, Nyx. It was a gorgeous day after lots of windy, cold, and rainy days.

It is a beautiful park with many nature trails. About a mile into our walk, along the creek, I rolled my ankle, and in the slowest of slow motion, I hit the ground. It was so slow you’d think I could have stopped it.

Charlie yells, “Mommmmm! Are you okay?!”

I’m laughing. Lying on my back, I answer, “Yes.”

She asks what I tripped on. I said it was a tree root. She glances back. “Mom, it was a walnut.”

“I’m sure it was a root!”

“No, Mom, it was a walnut!”

“A walnut?! Are you kidding me? Don’t tell anyone it was a walnut!!”

How embarrassing.

I’m still lying on the ground with my left foot in the air. She started recording this. I’m laughing hard. She is too. She asked what did I want her to do with that foot in the air. I’m trying to tell her through the laughter to pull my foot. I know it needed to move. (My time as a chiropractor’s wife is about to pay off.) She is still laughing so hard. And I can barely talk. She stops recording so she can straighten my ankle. She pulled and it popped. Instant relief.

I wasn’t making any attempt to get up. I was doing a internal scan of myself to see what else might be an issue. My right palm hurt bad from all the rocks that left indentations.

Charlie says, “Someone is coming, Mom!”

Oh, great….a jogger. How embarrassing. My first thought was that I used to be a runner now I’m an old lady lying on the pathway.

I needed to get up. I did, but I was filthy! I had on a pink sweatshirt. I usually wear a dark, but, oh…not today. Since the ground still held some of the dampness from the last several days, trail remains were plastered to my backside, from head to toe.

As we continued on our walk different parts of my person began to hurt. Right elbow. Leg, just below my right knee. Left shoulder. Of course, my left ankle. Oh, and that problematic lumbar disc. Yay. Good times.

In bed, I feel like….well, I don’t know what I feel like. Too many parts hurt. Run over by a truck or hit by a train, or something . Not to mention the black eye I gave myself the night before last. Yeah. Don’t ask. It’s been a weekend. I think I’ll be safer at work. Oh, that’s right. I’m taking ME with me.

The fall took place about a little over a mile into our walk so we had a long ways to go to get back to the car. This trail is over 3.5 miles. Still it was a lovely day, fall and all.

As we walked, I would think of things to write about. Future posts. That part of my brain doesn’t sleep. At all. But I thought of one. This one.

I related my fall to Christianity. One small step toward sin, a step so small that we barely even recognize it, and before we know it, we are falling, falling, falling. When we get to a certain point we cannot stop ourselves from hitting the ground. And as we are lying there in a heap, we wonder how did we not see this coming.

Often it takes just one tiny seed to be planted in our thoughts. We cultivate it by being curious. One thing leads to another and soon we find ourselves in a bad situation. Trusts broken, lies told, stealing, cheating, an addiction granted, unfaithfulness, etc., etc., etc.

Who knew one little walnut, or one tiny thought, could lead to such a great fall. Not great as in something amazing. Great as in huge, painful, life-changing, debilitating. That’s what sin does.

As I still lie here in bed, not wanting to move, my final thought is that we need to be very careful about what is on the path in front of us. While I’d like to pretend that something big caused my fall, truth is, it was very small. And it caught me off-guard.

Just as in our walk through life, we need to cautious about what we think about, where we walk, and what we put before our eyes.

So as we begin a new week, let’s be cautious in our walk. Our physical walk and most importantly, our spiritual walk. ♥️

Andi

Whoever said aging was graceful, didn’t age, otherwise they’d know there’s nothing really graceful about it. Trying to get out of bed is anything but graceful. Not to mention putting on my jeans or socks, or trying to retrieve something I’ve dropped on the floor. Which is pretty often. My body doesn’t like to bend especially in the morning. Once I get up and move around a bit my body does a pretty good job of lubricating all those stiff joints. I’m also finding that my mind and body are no longer on the same page. And, more often than not…not even in the same book!

Yes, I’m having an awakening of sorts as I face the realities of aging. Realities I find to be quite ungraceful and most unpleasant.

I love yard work. But, I’m feeling the fruits of that autumn labor now with a very irritated lumbar disc. I can no longer dig, rake, or even pull like I used to. Not so long ago, I was as strong as an Amish workhorse. But now my new best friends have become my inversion table and an old floral heating pad.

The feeling of slowly losing some independence is almost more painful than actual physical pain. I am coming to the realization I might not be able do things I once enjoyed.

I’ve been trying to explain this aging process, my aging process, to my younger generation. They want to believe I am ageless. I can sympathize with them as I thought my parents were ageless too. But, I’m not ageless, nor am I timeless, and neither were my parents. I’m beginning to show signs of wear and tear. I just read that it takes approximately 2,000 years for a rubber tire to breakdown. I’m not made of rubber…or even steel, for that matter.

This is unfamiliar territory to me, as with everyone who reaches this age. The journey was quite eventful but rather quick. I am still trying to sort it all out myself so it is difficult to explain to younger people.

I do know there is a total, more serious shift on how I view life (and death) and everything they encompass.

At this point in my life, my focus is now:

…what do I want to do,

…what do I need to do,

…and how am I going to get it all done,

….before I can’t.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not a doom and gloom post. There is so much to enjoy at this age. It’s pretty great to finally have peace with who I am. I now own a more patient spirit – which I worked really hard for. And then there is this freedom like I’ve never felt before.

This point in my life is confusing yet wonderful. But it also needs to be understood, to some extent. I think differently now because I need to. It’s as though I’m preparing for this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime trip, (which I am, actually) and I’m gathering things of necessity, and of joy, to put in my suitcase. (Suitcases. Plural. My kids know how I pack. 🙂)

So instead of focusing on what I cannot do, I will focus on new things that I’m able to do. Just as I am unable to run anymore since my hip replacement, I can replace it with hiking because that interests me as well. As for as my yard work, I can still play in the dirt to an extent as I tend to my hosta bed and plant flowers.

Life is just one short season after another. Each consisting of their own unique challenges and joys. Constantly changing. Always evolving and refining. And as we travel from one season to another, hopefully, we enter each as a better, more passionate person. ♥️

Andi

Photo credits: map by dreamstime.com; my hosta bed

There is great power in words. We know what it feels like to have a harsh word spoken to us with sarcasm or in anger. It cuts like a knife and leaves a scar forever embedded in our heart. Our mind marks it unforgettable.

Knowing how words have the ability to leave a lasting impression, how often do we choose words to lift rather than wound?

If I was dying, what would you share with me, and why? Would you be more mindful and cautious with your choice of words? Would your presentation be sweeter, kinder?

If I was dying, would you tell me you love me…and perhaps, more often? Would you fill my heart with daisies instead of scars? If so, what changed between us that you should treat me differently now?

Why do we hesitate to lift someone? What are we waiting for?

Today, give someone something wonderful to etch as unforgettable in their mind, and fill their heart with daisies. ♥️

Andi

I’m a dreamer and a pretend planner. I want to do this and that. But do I? No. Because I’m afraid of absolutely everything. I might talk big with all my ambitiousnesses. But in reality, I’m a horse, tied to a little plastic yard chair, believing she is powerless against the almost weightless anchor.

Today, I am disappointed in myself. Life is moving so much faster than I am. I want to be moving like these 50-60 mph winds we are experiencing today. But fear keeps me tied.

And I really want to be free.

I can’t put off living until I reach my goal weight, or until my kids move out, or I pay my property taxes, or I save extra money. There will always be something to give me an excuse to tightly embrace fear and remain in the safety of my home.

Time is not on my side. And my world is terribly small. I desire to meet new people and see new places. I can’t stayed tied to this little plastic chair any longer. I’m sooooo restless today. It’s time to be brave and kick fear to the curb. Wish me luck! ♥️

Andi

Jeremiah 1:5a
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you…

God knew me before he formed me in my mother’s womb. Just as he knew you.

He designed us just as he wanted us to be. And we are perfect. We should embrace who we are and rejoice in the fact that God cared enough to be a part of our design.

Psalm 139:13
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

As God knits us together, I believe he subtlety adds gifts and talents to our being. Gifts that we need to discover on our own and work toward perfecting. Anything that we work toward is more valuable than something just handed to us.

I believe that God gave to me the gift of expression, through writing. That might be up for debate by some, but it’s how I feel. I learned about writing in my junior high school days and fell in love with it. I wrote a lot of poetry and journaled at that time. Then life happened and for four decades my writing was pretty much non-existent. Well, except for my “letter to the editor” writings. Then I got it back in my 50’s and began writing poetry again. And as you can see, I write faithfully now.

I may not be able to do many things with any amount of expertise, but I feel I can express myself fairly well through the written word. I believe this is my gift. And when you find your gift you need to share it. The gift isn’t about you. It’s about giving it to others. And it’s about glorifying God through it.

A gift given.

Find your gift. Embrace it. Share it. ♥️

Andi

Psalm 139:14
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Have you ever thought about how much time and energy we spend pitting what is fair, and what it not, against each other?

We are bombarded daily with situations and issues that first run through the filter in our brain to be categorized as either fair or unfair. Depending on which it is labeled determines our mood and manner of deployment. This all takes energy and time. Especially if found to be unfair. Then we have to stew about it. Call our friends about it. Send out angry texts about it. And of course, post about it on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Maybe even create a Tik Tok video about it, complete with a rhyming rap song that we spent two hours to write. Time and energy.

Life is unfair. It just is. Well, not everything is unfair but you can definitely expect unfairness to pop up at any given moment in any given day. It likes to surprise us.

How we respond to unfairness reveals a great deal about us. I used to instantly get upset or angry. Angry sailor words would sometimes whirl through my head like a mini tornado. My reactions were often not my prettiest moments.

But it never ever helped to get upset. It only delayed in taking care of the situation through rational thinking.

With age, I’ve become a much calmer person. I’ve had my unfair share of unfairness, but really, who hasn’t? So I’m just used to it. Looking back I can’t even recall the majority of unfairnesses that stole days from me. Wasted time and energy.

We live in a world made up of humans. Each complete with their ideals and perspective on life based upon everything that’s happened to them from their intrauterine days til now. So life here on earth is going to be unfair.

Choosing battles comes to mind. Which unfairness is really worth fighting for? I guarantee you that some unfairnesses are worth fighting for. There is no doubt in my mind about that as I reflect on the tragic, heart wrenching event that took place in Nashville on Monday. Changes need to be made, in many areas, to protect our most precious and our most vulnerable. But for the most part, the unfairnesses we encounter on a daily basis are minute in comparison, and forgotten in a week.

Jesus, though, came to save us from unfairness because he is just. He himself did nothing wrong. Ever. He stood before humans, falsely accused, and judged unfairly. And put to death based on lies.

But to his death, he willingly carried all the sin of this world, yours, mine, theirs, even those who deny his very existence, knowing he’d be separated from his Father because of them.

And he did all this out of love.

And we should be grateful.

Dwelling on things unfair keeps us a victim when we need to be more positive and proactive. (Granted, I am not referring to tragic events as mentioned above. I can’t even…) Life is not, nor will it ever be fair. If it was, would we strive for eternal life in heaven?

Find the balance. Change what you can. Recognize which battle to fight and when to just roll with it. Spend your energies and time on matters that truly matter. And be grateful to God that there is more to our existence than this. ♥️

Andi

Original post: April 1, 2021. Edited.

Tonight was the Celebration of Life for my father. It was held at his favorite Italian bakery, La Casa del Pane in St. Pete Beach, where he visited every day. Except for Mondays. They are closed on Monday.

These wonderful people prepared lots of authentic Italian food for this open house. They truly loved my dad so much. He was a pain at times but it was very much a love relationship. He was family to them, and they to him. Dad even went to Italy to one of their family weddings.

My dad had his own seat at the end of counter. My sister once took a picture of him sitting there so when he called or texted from the bakery she knew his view.

People from all over the world would come to the bakery but no one ever left without knowing who Denny was. After 25 years or so of sitting at their counter, Dad was just about as permanent as any fixture in the place.

My dad and his wife once played in a ukulele band called the Bandaid Band. Two of the members came together tonight to play in honor of Dad. They played Dad’s favorite song, That’s Amore, and everyone sang along. It was wonderful. I imagine Dad would have shed a few tears.

I heard several stories all evening. Beautiful, touching stories. Funny stories. Sad stories. Love definitely filled this room tonight.

Here are just a few of those:

My dad’s appearance is combination of The Godfather, Colonial Sanders, and Einstein. There is a story in question that someone in the film industry begged Dad to go to Germany to play Einstein in a movie. His friends encouraged him to do it. His wife knows nothing about it. So did it really happen, or was Dad having a bit of fun with his friends?

There was a picture on the display table of Dad in Africa wearing a red shirt. An African man greatly admired the red bandanna that Dad wore so Dad gave it to him. In return, the man gave him a club that he had carved himself which he used to kill lions.

My Dad and his wife went to see Sister Sledge in concert and Dad was asked by them to come up on stage with them while they sang We are Family and apparently his dancing was quite entertaining to watch. I can only imagine.

Then one morning, out of the blue, the owner of the bakery saw my dad park out front. She noticed he was slower than usual to come in. When he entered, he was having difficulty catching his breath and his color was not right. He said he just got his haircut and wanted to come by. When he asked for coffee they told him he needed to go home. He thought that was a good idea too. So one of the girls got Dad to his car and she drove him home. She hugged him after she dropped him off to his wife. When she got back to the bakery, she told her family she felt that was the last time she was going to see him. And it was. The ambulance was called and that was the day he left home to never return. His Italian family felt it was as if he came to the bakery to say goodbye without even aware of it.

It was such a nice gathering. I know my dad would have appreciated it very much. To have so many of his favorite people together in a place he loved, well…there just aren’t words to describe the depth of gratitude and love.

I felt my Dad’s presence there. It was warm. Oh, how he is missed so much already. He touched lives from all corners of the world. I found great peace among his friends. I am proud to be his daughter.

I pity the poor soul who wanders into the bakery today and sits in Dad’s seat at the end of the counter. They just might be run out of town. Maybe even tarred and feathered first.

Last year, Dad’s wife went to the bakery to visit with friends of Dad’s from Germany. She discovered this picture of Dad in one of the glass cases. So appropriate. He always made everyone laugh.

If you are ever in the St. Pete Beach area, you should stop by the La Casa del Pane and ask about Denny…and grab yourself a coffee as you might be there awhile.

Dad’s presence will continue in the hearts of all who knew him for a very, very long time. ♥️

Andi

Original post: March 30, 2021. Edited. These were my thoughts after Dad passed.

My father passed away at 12:30 pm. Life support was removed at 12:23. He was on his own for a mere seven minutes. The hospital staff was beyond gracious. They kept Dad comfortable and pain free as he crossed that thin line between here and there. The three most important women in Dad’s life were by his side. His wife of 22 years, my sister, and me.

There is a very thin line between life and death. I witnessed this firsthand. We take for granted the abilities of our body to work as it was designed. We take for granted the nutrition found in the food we eat, the water needed for every bodily function, beginning at the cellular level, and the clean air we need to oxygenate our blood. Without any one of these, we cross that thin line.

Sometimes we walk that line; challenging it, testing it, teasing it. We don’t realize the fragility of the body and spirit. We were designed in such a way that our bodies will fight its hardest to survive. But sometimes that’s simply not enough anymore.

My dad wasn’t ready to go. He was caught completely off guard and not at all prepared. Dad spent six weeks in three different ICU’s. He kept telling me not to come down yet. I should not have listened to him. But he never once doubted he was going to get better. And he was so looking forward to his big 80th birthday bash in October. But things don’t always go according to our own plans, or our desires. From a distance, that line appears to be quite broad, but the reality of it is this: there’s a very thin line between here and there.

My heart is in pain. My eyes burn from endless tears. My body aches from fatigue. And I want to go home. I have much to sort out, reflect upon, and think about. Life is so very short. And that line between here and there is even thinner than I ever imagined.

I miss my dad. 💔

Andi

Original post: March 28, 2021. Edited. On my way to St. Petersburg for a second time that month to meet with my sister and say our goodbyes to Dad before his final journey.

After my parents divorced, my father bought a sailboat and set sail out into the Atlantic. This was quite a shock to me as he never sailed before, nor had I ever heard him speak of his interest in sailing.

He bought a beautiful sailboat called Dire Straits and lived out on the Atlanta for quite sometime. He sailed the coast of Florida and up the Atlantic coast. He even sailed to Cuba. Dad turned 50 out on the seas by himself. He was even on the cusp of The Perfect Storm. My dad is brave like that. Maybe that’s where my children get their strength. You know…maybe it’s one of those things that skips a generation.

I can only imagine the peace and solitude of living on the sea. The sunrises and sunsets would complete the days. I’d be in Heaven. Storms would add exciting adventure. I imagine that watching from a distance would be both humbling and exhilarating.

Dad is preparing to set sail once again. And this time it is unbelievably hard to let him go.

I’m on the plane and nearing Tampa. Soon I will see my sister and we will do this week all over again. Only this time is our last time.

I’ve tried my hardest to hold back the tears on this flight. There will be opportunity later in the privacy of our room. My brother cancelled late yesterday afternoon. He is at peace with the last moments he had with Dad. I hope to find that same peace tonight.

Dad is preparing for his journey. He just needs to say goodbye one last time.

My heart is breaking. 💔

Andi

Original post: March 28, 2021. The night before my dad was to be taken off life support. Two years ago. My brother did not make this second trip to Florida. He had said his goodbye and was good with that. I flew down from Indiana. My sister drove from North Carolina. This was our time together.

Our first night together has lasted about two days…so it seems. My sister made it to our hotel about 7:00 last night. It took her eleven hours to get here by car. My flight was a little late but I had arrived about 3:30. Once in my room, I cried hard for about two hours and then fell asleep.

My sister had a picture of Dad on the dashboard of her car. She talked to, laughed at, and yelled at him for eleven hours, as if he was in the car with her. He kept her from crying as she drove. And he got her here safely to me.

Our night was spent in conversation of various topics. Mostly about our family. Funny things our kids have said and done, and the trials she had in the final two years of Mom’s life. Dementia is cruel. There’s no other way to describe it. We laughed, and we cried.

We sat in the room. We sat by the pool. And we went back to the room. Wow, it didn’t take long for the humidity to work it’s magic on my hair. (Thanks, Dad. ♥️)

We turned on TCM since my brother isn’t here. I’d start to fall asleep so we turned it off. As soon as it was turned off, I was wide awake again. We’d turn TV back on and talk, and I’d start to fall asleep. When it was off my mind kicked in. It wasn’t about to let me sleep.

Finally, at 2:00, after several turn-offs and back-ons, she asked me, “Do you know what bananas are good for?” Well, I know they are good for many things but I figured she must have some new information. I asked her what.

“Bananas are supposed to help you sleep. Want one?”

“Yes, I do.” So she and I ate bananas at 2 am, and I believe it was the best banana I’ve ever had. Did it help me sleep? No, not really. Not tonight anyway. But it was the best ever. Just another special moment shared between two exhausted sisters.

Time is moving slowly. In the darkness, periodically, I hear her sob into her pillow. She tries to stifle it so as not to wake me. But I’m already there. I don’t let her know as she needs her own moments as I had mine earlier. We meet with hospice at 10:30 this morning. That is what’s weighing so heavily upon us tonight. This night is never ending. But the alternative is for time to go by quickly, and frankly, neither of us is ready for that. 💔

Andi

Original post: May 6, 2021. Edited.

Time. I will continue to write about it until there is no more time. And I’ll probably write about it many more times. Everything runs on time until we run out of time.

Time is of the essence.

Time out.

A waste of time.

Good time.

Outta time.

Changing time.

Me time.

Time on your hands.

Mommy time.

Killing time.

What time is it?

Spend time.

A horrible time.

Race against time.

Matter of time.

A lovely time.

Nick of time.

Time limit.

Ahead of time.

Behind the times.

and

Make time.

Making time for the things (and people) that really matter. That’s what I’m talking about.

Anything worth caring for is worth the time. Anything worth loving is worth the time.

So why do we find excuses to take time away from those important things? Does it take too much planning? Too much energy? Have too many other things that “need” our attention?

Be stronger than your excuses.

I read that somewhere recently and it really hit home with me. We never run out of excuses, but we always run out of time.

It always hurts to run out of time…

Appreciate time. Use it wisely. We make excuses to why we don’t have time to do important things, yet if we are honest with ourselves, we make time for exactly what we want to do. We don’t always make sense to how we spend our time. Sometimes we use it foolishly. At the end of the day it would be really nice to go to bed without regret.

May I offer a few suggestions?

Spend time with God.

Visit an elderly neighbor.

Lift up a broken heart.

Call your dad.

Teach children an appreciation for nature.

Garden.

Volunteer.

Cuddle a puppy.

Pray more.

Write letters to shut-ins.

Allow yourself to fall in love.

Oh…and call your dad again.

All of these take time but they will give you much happiness in return. You cannot put a price on quality time.

Time is precious. Use it wisely because time waits for no one. ♥️

Andi

Photos: taken outside of my workplace on a spring day in 2021

Original post: August 20, 2021. Edited.

I went to the farmers market one Saturday morning a couple of years ago and came across a booth of homemade jewelry. I’m a sucker for stuff like that. I try to get ideas so I can make my own jewelry.

Right away I saw a stone that caught my eye. I asked what it was. The woman said it was a raw emerald. I was quite intrigued with it as emerald is my birthstone.

She helped other customers while I admired this stone. She came back only to tell me that it’s worthless. That’s when I said I’ll take it.

What she saw as worthless, I saw as beautiful. I had examined the emerald closely and I looked past its imperfections. And what I found was perfect. I also saw a very darkened place embedded on the stone in shape of a heart.

Emerald is my birthstone and I think it’s one of the most beautiful stones in all the world. But this raw emerald has a beauty all its own. I relate to this stone as I am quite imperfect myself. I hope though that my heart stands out from among all the roughness and flawed edges of my being.

I am a raw emerald. Maybe worthless to some who care not to know me, but I’m not worthless to those who can see past the imperfection to my heart.

I’m truly thankful that God sees the potential in this old raw emerald and continues to bless me each and every day. In many ways, I understand why I’m not a shiny, perfect gem. Humility is a part of that reason. Working through imperfection has, in many ways, only made me stronger.

Have a great start to your week. Know that God accepts what others find to be unworthy and finds them absolutely beautiful. ♥️

Andi

Original post: April 30, 2021. Edited.

Today was quite breezy. In fact, it’s been windy for the past several days. I love the sea breeze in my hair, but here at home, the wind blows my hair in my face when I’m trying to work outside so I have to pull it back. While I was burning the pile of branches and sticks, the wind blew the smoke in my face no matter where I moved. The wind can be frustrating.

The wind may seem useless and more of a nuisance than anything. But the wind is pretty important. What would a sailboat be without the wind? It would have no use for sails. What about the energy lost in a turbine field without wind?

One day, a couple of years ago, I read something on Instagram about trees. Scientists once grew trees in a sealed biosphere. They couldn’t figure out why the trees were unable to stand up. Finally, the scientists realized that wind is what’s needed. Wind puts a great stress upon trees; therefore, the trees must grow stronger in order to stand on their own.

This made me think of our daily trials and stresses. I know firsthand that my hardships have helped me to grow stronger. I believe that through hardships God can use us more fully. Maybe a better example is that of the Potter and the clay. God molds us by allowing the stresses of His hands to shape us. Without the stress we’d remain a cold lump of clay.

Stress gives trees the strength needed to be able to stand; which then provide us with shade, oxygen, and homes for many of God’s creatures. And stress shapes us into something beautiful.

Stress. It’s not always welcome. Well, rarely ever. But we actually need it. Stress is a reality of life. Find strength in it and become as strong as the trees. Allow God to guide you through it all and shape you according to His will. ♥️

Andi

Photos: a ship in Maine, 2017; an angry sky over a turbine field, 2017; a windy day in Florida with my sister, April 2, 2021

On December 28, 2018, I had a hip replacement. This event happened that day as well.

A second chance…

The surgeon stopped by my room while making his rounds for the day. He told me that my hip replacement was much more complicated than he expected because of the severity of the damage so the surgery took longer than what was planned. I was in recovery longer than expected as well.

It seems almost cruel for them to make you get up so soon after surgery. I know there are good reasons for it though. My first time up went as it should. When the physical therapist came a second time to get me up, I informed her that I didn’t feel well. She encouraged me to get up anyway. I told her I did not want to. I did not feel well at all. She said that I had to. I took two steps and told her I really didn’t feel well. She must have believed me this time because she quickly sat me down in a chair. And then there was nothing…I was gone.

My kids were in the cafeteria a couple floors down. My daughter heard them page the Fast Team to my room. They scrambled to get upstairs.

I remember lying on my back in bed. I couldn’t move or talk. I could hear everything around me but could not respond, verbally or physically. My whole body was paralyzed. Was it even mine? I found myself in such a beautiful place of peace, and I was more relaxed than I’d ever been in my life. The warmth I felt was like no other. There was absolutely no pain. It was wonderful. I cannot fully explain it but I will never forget it. That beautiful, glorious place of peace. I wanted to stay there, forever.

I heard voices around me and I could tell there was a woman on each side of me. Although they took turns hitting my chest, I felt no pain. Again and again, they hit me. I heard them repeat “She’s not responding. She’s not responding.” I wanted them to leave me alone and let me go, but they wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t tell them that I did not want to come back. I was warm and safe, and exactly where I wanted to be. Let me go. Quit hitting me. Leave. Me. Alone.

When I finally did come back, my room was packed full of people. Wall to wall people. I could hear them talk about my color, because I had none, and it wasn’t coming back.

Later that evening, a young nurse stopped by my room to check on me. She was in tears. She was still quite shaken after witnessing what had taken place earlier. She said she was so scared. I reassured her that it was okay, that I was okay, and I gave her a hug.

I was told that I had no pulse, but nothing more. The issue was completely avoided except by that one young nurse. No one seemed to want to discuss it. And, honestly, I didn’t push the why and what happened. The experience was very personal to me and, the mystery of it all, quite beautiful. And I cherish it to this day. I didn’t need to know anything more. They didn’t get me up anymore that day and my hospital stay was extended.

A second chance…♥️

Why I had this particular experience, I do not know. But it changed my views on some things. Maybe I’m a blockhead and God needed to shake me up a little. But honestly, I guess I do not have to understand the why. I just need to recognize that I was given a second chance. It wasn’t time for me to go even though I didn’t want to come back. I’m here for a reason but not because I am any more special than anyone else. God is not a respecter of persons. But God deals with each of us accordingly. Just like in parenting. Children respond differently although you love them all the same.

I felt strongly about posting this so I did a couple of years ago. Maybe today someone new needs to hear it, or maybe I need to be reminded. We are such forgetful and neglectful people. We are often given second chances in life. It’s up to us to acknowledge them, accept them, and to use them for good.

A second chance? Be wise. Accept it. Welcome it. Embrace it. ♥️

Andi

Original post: May 3, 2021. Written by my youngest daughter, Mattea, as she reflects on the home where she spent her first eleven years…before divorce moved us to another home. This place was gorgeous and I spent much time outdoors, planting and perfecting, or walking through the woods, dreaming and reflecting.

Sweet house, oh…dear, sweet house. You once welcomed a family of seven on Thanksgiving in 2001. A couple months later you welcomed another member of the family. Me.

Oh…dear, sweet house, your walls echo with all the voices and the sounds of those eight people. You…oh, sweet house. Your floors of which those people had walked still carry the sounds of their footsteps.

Oh, sweet house. You were once filled with warmth, laughter. But now, you stand alone and empty with nothing but the echoing voices of the children and people from years ago. From being once alive and warm, you are now cold. You are a good, sweet house. The memories of laughter and joy still run through you. The memories of a little toddler learning how to walk and to talk. The memories of the children putting on plays for their parents and grandparents. The sounds of the people’s voices still echo through you.

I once stood in your beautiful presence and felt the past. The past that was once both joyful and painful. Oh, sweet house. I feel the presence of the children that once were but now are grown. You sweet, gentle house.

It was a lovely home with twenty-six acres of land that resembled a state park. We had many good memories there. And, yes, painful memories too. But we will just focus on the good.

I appreciate my daughter’s thoughts. They are sweet. Just like her. ♥️

Andi

I’m not sure where you live, but I live in Indiana, and I’m a little tired of sunless, cold days. This morning when I took Nyx out, it felt warm. Well, warmer than it’s been. A welcome 50 degrees.

Today was my Friday. So glad. I’m home in my recliner, watching Second Hand Lions, and contemplating going to bed.

The heavy rain has arrived just as predicted. And with it, lots of springtime thunder. It sounds wonderful. Maybe the thunder will help me sleep through the night. I’d sure be grateful for that.

First though, I have to finish this movie. What a great story. And I love those two old men.

♥️

Andi

This is one of my most favorite verses in the Bible. Leaning on my own understanding has probably been my greatest downfall in life as I knew what was best (for me) most of the time. My history proves I’ve been wrong, a lot.

I’m aware that I would think and act on a whim. Or maybe, not think. Just act. This has caused much heartache not only for myself but also for others who happened to be in close proximity.

Learning to lean on Jesus hasn’t been easy as the very human side of me argues and fights for the number one position. But that’s really a no-win situation as I ultimately find myself running to him to fix the mess I created.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to be quiet so I can listen. Or, honestly, I should say, I am learning to listen. I think I have the quiet part down though.

Going to try my hardest not to lean on my own understanding today. ♥️

Andi

Work was hard on Monday. Really hard. And when I got home…well, you know…I was sad and homesick. I wrote about it here: https://coffeewithandi.com/2023/03/20/homesick/

I felt very alone that night. I had no one to talk to and I wondered where God was. He seemed quiet…and distant. I wanted answers to the recent questions I’ve been asking about my life, my job, my purpose. And my very real loneliness.

I got into bed with my Bible. The big black Bible with my name embossed in gold on the front cover. It is a large print edition designed especially for tired, 61 year old eyes.

Sometimes I will open my Bible and read the scripture on the pages that fall open in front of me. Many times they inspire me and actually help with the situation at hand. This time it didn’t happen much to my dismay.

How am I supposed to hear You when I can’t even find You?

As I continued thumbing through that big book, I felt completely lost.

Then I ran across a little white index card tucked inside my Bible. And on that card was a list of verses that my youngest daughter had written out many years ago with a message: “I think you should look at these verses”. And a little, “I love you, Mommy” with a smiley face. I thought I’d give those verses a try.

The first verse was Matthew 18:26, which reads: So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’

Hmmmmm…..not sure why she wanted me to read that one.

So I continued.

Luke 8:15
As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

Then, Romans 12:12
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

Ahhhh…patience, the common theme.

I read the rest of the verses and patience came up a few more times, and the word hope, twice.

I concentrated on patience as I went to sleep. The next morning, my son and I talked over coffee. He also steered me in the direction of patience. He gave me some good godly insight about the situation with my job as well.

I showed the index card to my daughter and asked if she remembered writing it for me. She said I was upset with her school work so she used the concordance to look up verses that had the word patience in it and wrote a few down. Gotta love her.

As I moved through the day, things that had been upside down in my life (or so I thought), began to right themselves. Sometimes we get so beaten down that everything seems off. And maybe everything is slightly off kilter, but perhaps not as devastatingly as they seem at the moment. My issues aren’t solved, but I will be more patient as God leads, and I listen.

God is here and ever-present. He’s not MIA, and He certainly doesn’t play games with our heart. Clearly, He speaks to us in creative ways. This time He used my children as vessels of communication. We just have to listen. And be patient. ♥️

Andi

Yesterday, I had to make a quick trip into town. On my way back to work, I saw an animal sitting in the road. I could not tell what it was until I got near it. By then it had safely crossed the road. Still it took me a moment to realize what this little animal was. It was a squirrel with only a stump of a tail which resembled the tail of a rabbit.

Instantly I felt sadness for this little one. Squirrel tails are quite important. They are used for balance and communication with each other. And as I later found out, the tail is also very necessary to control body temperature. When I did research online, I discovered that losing a tail happens frequently. The picture below looks very similar to my squirrel, only my squirrel’s tail was a little fluffier.

A squirrel’s tail can pull right off if caught on a fence, or in tree branches, or even in a fight with another animal. The saddest part is that the tail does not grow back and the tiny animal has a much lower survival rate without one. I only wish I could have brought him home. He certainly was cute.

While I was researching my squirrel, I ran across another interesting squirrel tale. Five young squirrels’ tails were knotted tightly together in their nest. Momma squirrel had used plastic and long grasses in the construction of the nest and the babies’ tails got tied up in it.

The very agitated youngsters were rescued and separated. The link to their story is below.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/five-squirrel-tails-entangled-milwaukee_n_5b9fc415e4b013b0977d301f

♥️

Andi

I’ve written numerous posts about how time doesn’t wait on anyone. It just doesn’t.

Back in the Old Testament, God answered Joshua’s prayer for time to stand still. And it did.

Joshua 10:13
And the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, until the nation took vengeance on their enemies. Is this not written in the Book of Jashar? The sun stopped in the midst of heaven and did not hurry to set for about a whole day.

We could wish for that to happen today but it’s not going to. Sometimes we want time to stand still so we can enjoy the moment just a little longer. Then other times there are just too many hours in a day.

Everything in life revolves around time and everything is connected to each other in some way. The tides of the sea. The phases of the moon. The length of our daylight hours. The life cycle of every living thing.

I guess the most important thing is to make every moment of time meaningful.

Love like there’s no more time.

Give of yourself like you’re running out of time.

Don’t wait for a better time.

And always make time for God. ♥️

Andi

Photo credit: Jamaican wave, by my son, Jet.

Work was exceptionally tough today. I’m afraid I’ll have to search for another if things don’t turn around very quickly. Yet, I have no where to go. I seem to have this knack or special superpower for finding (and accepting) jobs that are internally messed up. And I’ve only been here since December 1st. Please do not tell me things to sweeten the deal so I accept the job. I’m so trusting…and gullible. I believe everything. I want to trust everyone.

If it seems to be too good to be true….

I came home, went into my room, cozied up into my recliner, wrapped myself in a blanket, and turned on tubi. And of course, I’m drawn to the classics. I turned on That Girl. I remember the introduction. The scenes. All of it. I love the clothes and the hairstyles. It reminds me of home.

I am homesick.

I want to go back home to my parents and siblings. Even with all the hard parts. I want to watch That Girl on our old television set. I want to smell the spaghetti sauce that Mom has been cooking on the stove since morning. I want to hear my dad call me Andrena for fun. I want my younger brother to irritate me, and to play pretend with my sister. I want to go home.

I’m really tired. I’m tired of trying so hard to make things work. To make my life work.

I share everything with you, good or bad. I admit I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I do try to be uplifting and inspiring most of the time. And maybe make you smile once in awhile. Tonight, it’s not in me. You might as well see this side of me too. Then you can see I am very much human.

Maybe for good measure, I should insert a couple of verses here:

Isaiah 40:31
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

♥️

Andi

I am sharing a moving post written by my daughter. She’s an exceptional writer. ~ Andi

Years of building a reputation I could be proud of gone in a blink of an eye. Mistakes were made, trust placed in the wrong hands. My life went up in…

Reputation Is Delicate

I have visited Maine on several occasions. Every time I leave I say I’m coming back. I don’t get there near as often as I’d like. I’d probably move to Maine if it wasn’t 1,200 miles from my children and their families, and the all memories we share here in west central Indiana.

I truly love Indiana. It’s a great place to raise a family. It’s quite beautiful with its farmland, hills, waterfalls, lakes, rivers, and forests. I’m quite sentimental about all the memories here with my children and also the ties I have to northeast Indiana where I lived for 13 years. My home is here in Indiana and I do know that now, but for the biggest part of my life I didn’t quite know where home felt to me. Illinois, where I grew up? Indiana? North Carolina, where my parents and siblings moved? I felt like a vagabond. And I was always restless. I couldn’t see the truth until recently when I realized the most meaningful years of my life were lived here. Indiana is my home.

From the very first time I visited Maine, I felt a great connection with every part of the state. And it warmly welcomed me. It was like I found a missing part of me. I fell in love with Maine’s rocky coastline to Moosehead Lake and everything in between. Such beauty.

The last time I was in Maine was in October 2019. Too long ago. When I was there, I went hiking with my friend, Karen. We hiked up a mountain. On the way up, and on the way down, I collected parts of the mountain. When I got home, I put my mountain into a jar. Once in a while I just have to hold it. My piece of Maine.

Every so often Maine calls to me. And if you’ve ever heard Maine call your name…well, you listen. There’s nothing quite so beautiful.

Torn between two lovers. I guess that’s the best way to describe it. I’m glad I finally realize where home is but beyond grateful that Maine claims me as one of its own. That’s how I feel anyway.

Just sharing tonight. Have a great new week. ♥️

Andi

PS I should say that at age 9, I fell in love with Montana. One day I will visit there again. I guess I need to get busy!

I read a short devotional this morning that sent a little zing through my heart. Not a good zing. A worried zing.

Am I guilty of this?

I have been striving to be closer to God. But how diligent am I?

The example in the devotional was this:

Say you were asked to please come to dinner at your friend’s home. But when you arrived, there was not a place set for you at the table. Zing. How uncomfortable would that be? Very, I’m sure. Not to mention awkward.

This is a good visual of us suggesting that we want (or, that we already have) a personal relationship with God, yet there’s no preparation. There’s zero effort on our part, and no time allotted for Him. Zing. Zing.

Do I have a place at my table for Jesus? Am I serious about a closer relationship with God, or am I just talk?

It’s so easy to verbalize, think, or even pray about our good intentions. It’s much harder to act on them. God needs us to be all in on this one. He deserves to have a welcomed place at your table, and mine. Beginning with your heart, welcome Him into every aspect of your daily walk through this life.

Just a quick thought this morning. Maybe it will help soothe the zing a little by sharing with you.

Have a blessed day! ♥️

Andi

Is there any better connection between generations than music?

My daughter, Charlie, and I were on the phone tonight sharing songs that we thought the other might like. When she called, I was listening to my Keane station on Pandora. On this station, Pandora plays similar music to Keane, like Coldplay, Louis Capaldi, and U2. I told her they play a lot of Imagine Dragons which I really like. She stated she likes them too.

Then she shared with me five YouTube videos of songs she enjoys and thought I might like. One was Show and Tell by Al Wilson. (Of course, I already had that on my phone.) The Killers, Ed Sheeran, Lindsey Buckingham, and Marshmello were the other musicians she wanted me to listen to. She also mentioned how she likes John Denver, whom I love, and Glen Campbell. Then I threw in that I like Carolina Liars.

I’m really glad my children like the music I grew up with in the 60s and 70s. Of course, some really great music came out of the 80s too. But it’s extra special when they enjoy the music from the 50s and 60s that my parents listened to. I’m really grateful to my dad for sharing his love of music with me. It definitely had a trickle effect down to my children.

Sharing music with Charlie tonight was fun. It’s definitely common ground between her at 27, and me at 61. Music finds its place in the soul and is simply ageless.

Maybe when generations can’t seem to make sense of each other, music should be used as an intervention to connect hearts.

Bridging the gap between generations. There is something about music that makes life just a little more magical. ♥️

Andi

When we were growing up, we looked so forward to certain milestones in our youth. We couldn’t wait to become a teenager! Thirteen seemed like it was going to miraculously open new “grown-up” doors for us. Then at thirteen, we looked so forward to sixteen and the ability to drive a car which, no doubt, gave us an even broader sense of independence.

Then there is the ultimate goal of turning 21. We will officially be recognized as an adult. We can now drink alcoholic beverages. Legally, that is. Life will change at 21 and we will finally garner all the respect we feel we deserve. The world will be transformed and will look at us in awe.

Ahhhhh….twenty-one. The absolute magical age. That’s what we thought anyway….

But…we never considered the responsibility that comes with twenty-one…which then continues throughout our years. We don’t consider there’s a 25, 37, 45, 59, 72, 89. Our youthful, ultimate goal was to turn twenty-one and the magic of twenty-one would last us a lifetime.

College, careers, marriage, buying a home, having babies. These fill up those twenties and thirties pretty quickly. And often even into our forties. Late forties and our fifties we seem to become a little more settled in life. We kind of have an idea of what life is about. Kind of.

Then the sixties grab us from out of nowhere and makes us look long and hard at where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and where we’re heading.

All of a sudden we start clock-watching a little more closely.

I tried to explain this to one of my offspring recently. Truth is, I’m on the downside of the hill in life; therefore, life plans/goals have changed in some respect. They have to. I can no longer plan ahead by decades or even years. I think about what I want to do, what I need to do, and how to get it all done. Before I can’t.

And the reality of it all is…life is unbelievably short.

An older friend of mine mentioned how he wants to plant more trees around his pond. Flowering trees like dogwood and such. He said they will be beautiful for someone else. It hurt to hear that. But that’s the reality we face as we age. It’s not really all that pleasant.

So my thought here is to not rush life. Don’t wish for another age or season of your life. Don’t wish for your babies to grow up because one day they are potty training and the next day they are driving away to Chicago. Or even moving to another country.

Don’t be in your thirties wishing for retirement. Plan for it, but don’t wish for it. Live and love each and every moment. Be present in the here and the now. Even if it is hard. It won’t always be hard. I know this. I’ve lived through the hard. Just live each and everyday fully and as best as you can without carrying regret with you into your sixties.

Love God most of all. Allow Him to lead. I didn’t always do that. Please take my advise.

Live today fully. Love with all your heart. Be grateful for the place you’re at. Learn from the hard. Rejoice in the good. But don’t wish your life away. ♥️

Andi

As the autumn breeze brushes against my skin,
It whispers softly to me,
Of dreams and schemes and mysteries,
And takes me to places I long to be.

Spring rain falls gently from heaven above,
With my arms outstretched I twirl around,
I raise my face to greet each drop,
And I find myself dancing in Paris town.

Dreaming a simple dream or two,
During the night or in the day,
Gives love, and hope, and inspiration,
Painting rainbows in skies of ashen gray.

I dream of a place to call my own,
Set deep within the spruce and pine,
A cabin, enclosed by drifts of snow,
Built from my heart; true love’s design.

Without my dreams what would I be?
Well…I’d only be half, of who I am,
Dreams render hope, and peace, and love,
A mirror for me, my life to exam.

So I encourage you to dream a dream,
No boundaries there to trap you within,
To experience love on a river walk,
Under the light of Saturn, the magic begins.

Or visit a castle across the seas,
Where romance never dies,
Drink ale in a pub in the emerald green,
Or ride a black stallion beneath crystal blue skies.

As for dreams, they truly release me,
From my troublesome day-to-day woes,
And take me whenever…wherever,
My yearning heart desires to go.

By Andi
December 23, 2012

Photos: autumn sunrise in my backyard; sunset during a spring rain; my lighted cabin canvas; Naperville Riverwalk: foursquare.com; castle: curiousireland .ie

Original post: May 8, 2021. Edited.

I read a heartwarming story of kindness shown to a young man with cerebral palsy. His mom stated that some days are more challenging than others. This particular day was a good day as she took her son grocery shopping. He smiled happily throughout the store. The cashier noticed how he was enjoying his shopping experience so she brought him behind the counter with her to checkout his mom’s groceries. He was so happy. He went home and told his family all about it. His mom was so grateful that this cashier took special time with her son and gave him this great experience. She said love wins.

The cashier displayed a love that would make many of us uncomfortable. She thought of this young man first over the disgruntled looks from others as they impatiently waited in line. But what an example she was to all those around. And what a positive imprint she placed upon that boy’s life. Love wins.

Love comes in an assortment of colors although they all originate from the heart. Just like that box of 64 assorted Crayola crayons all come from the same box. Our heart is that big. Even bigger.

There are so many types, and depths, of love. Loving God must be first and foremost. God says to love yourself. That’s something I’m just discovering on a deeper level. I have always thought it was selfish. But in order to truly love others you need to love yourself. Therefore, you need to become the person you can love. It takes work, compassion, forgiveness, patience, and a whole lotta love to love yourself. We often let ourselves down with the boatload of guilt we carry. (I did). We believe we are unworthy of God’s love, self love, and love from others. But don’t believe that lie as I did for many years. Love wins.

I have a scarred heart as a reminder that love often hurts. I have had to rise above great pain. Through the agonizing healing process, I discovered I didn’t love myself as I should. The softer part of my heart believed the subtle lies presented to me of my unworthiness, even to the point where I questioned my existence and purpose. But ultimately love won that battle. It was a rough road but love will win through perseverance and much prayer.

Evil is powerful, yes. And it scares us. It is presented to us in numerous forms. But love is even more powerful. God sent His Son to this earth for our salvation. In life or death, love always wins. Jesus overcame the evil. His love poured out onto the ground because of us, but more importantly, for us. Love will always prevail.

When I think of love, I think of this verse.

Galatians 5:22,23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Love is the first named fruit, but love encompasses each of those attributes. Each is rooted in love. Love for others or love for self. Love is the greatest of all. Love wins.

I saw the word love written in stone last week. I should have taken a picture of it. When you think about it, love is written in stone. God designed the foundation of the earth upon love. Through the test of time it is love that has prevailed. It is strong and durable and pure like the white rock I saw it written on. Jesus was sent because of love. And love is the reason we are here.

Love. Lots to think about. It encompasses so very much in our daily life. No act of love is too small. It is greatness in God’s eyes.

Love opens doors to places you never dreamed possible. Don’t be afraid to love. Because love, true love…always wins. ♥️

Andi

Photos: internet photos except for the rock heart. That one is mine. 🙂

I know I posted something similar to this in the past, even in the recent past, but I genuinely think it cannot be emphasized enough.

There are so many things in life that we put on the back burner. We always think that there will be a tomorrow to do these things. But honestly, there might not be a tomorrow. You simply cannot count on it.

One of my dearest friends fell very ill recently. There very well could have been a no-tomorrow. I’ve had to reflect on that possible loss. So I have become even more determined to not allow people I love to go unnoticed, or for life to move on, un-lived.

No more will things be left undone, words left unsaid, love unspoken, or life un-lived.

Why is it that we wait until a person passes away to honor them? We spend time writing the perfect thoughts for their obituary of what they meant to us. Past tense. But how did we acknowledge this person while they were here as our neighbor, a family member, our bestie, or the friendly baker around the corner?

I say…tell people how you feel about them as often as you can. Everyone needs to know they are loved and appreciated. This is something you will not ever regret doing.

Suggestion:

Write a letter to those you care about. Pour out your heart. Tell them what they mean to you. List the good things about them. List the blessings they’ve added to your life. If you, as the writer, were to suddenly pass away, the recipient would cherish those words all the more and find closure. If the recipient passes away, you will be grateful that they knew exactly their stance in your life.

I say…share your heart.

And, while we’re at it…

Pick those flowers.

Make that phone call.

Use that holiday china.

Hug tighter, hold closer, kiss a forehead.💋

Climb that mountain!

Surprise someone.

Burn those special dinner candles.

Dance in the rain!

Take that trip.

Wear that little black dress.
Or, long black dress…

What are we waiting for?

Say it. Share it. Wear it. Use it. Love it.

About twelve years ago. I took my girls to a consignment shop to find special dresses for a homeschool event. While there, I tried on dresses for fun. I fell in love with two long black dresses and bought them both. One was $15 and the one pictured below was $25. I didn’t know if I’d ever have the chance to wear either of them. I just loved them. And they were inexpensive. Sometimes you just gotta do what makes you feel pretty.

About a year later, an anonymous someone thought they’d do something nice for me and my now-ex by sending us to a nice restaurant in downtown Indianapolis. (Sweet intention was for us to rekindle our failing marriage.) We went to the restaurant which was very nice but wasn’t as fancy as my dress. Knowing that beforehand, I still chose to wear it. I would never have worn that dress otherwise if I had waited for the absolute perfect place and time.

The simplest things in life are the greatest things of your life.

Fill your days with pleasantries by being kind, thinking of others before yourself, telling someone how much you love them, sharing gratitude for one another, hugging, dancing….living and loving.

All those things we consider little…do more of those things. ♥️

Andi

John 1:5
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

John 8:12
Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

Follow the Light. ♥️

Andi

My family moved to Indiana in the late summer of 1977, as my father was transferred here. Then he was transferred to North Carolina in 1982, and my whole family went with him, without me, as I was married at that time.

Indiana, at that time, did not observe daylight savings except for a couple of cities nearest Chicago and maybe south near Evansville. So half the year we were eastern and the other half, central. I loved it.

But then that changed for economic reasons (insert my rolling eyes) in 2006. Thank you Mitch Daniels. Not.

I’m not a fan.

I choose health over money. There are numerous studies which prove several ill health factors are directly related to time change. These time changes disrupt the natural circadian rhythm – given to us by our Creator.

Wikipedia: Circadian cycle, is a natural, internal process that regulates the sleep–wake cycle and repeats roughly every 24 hours.

Sleep Foundation: Different systems of the body follow circadian rhythms that are synchronized with a master clock in the brain.

Andi’s Two Cents:
Where do you think the master clock in the brain originated from?

Sleep Foundation: Research is also revealing that circadian rhythms play an integral role in diverse aspects of physical and mental health.

National Institute of General Medical Sciences: Circadian rhythms are physical, mental, and behavioral changes that follow a 24-hour cycle.

Scientific American:
1. Standard time most closely approximates natural light, with the sun directly overhead at or near noon.

2. Morning light is essential for helping to set the body’s natural rhythms.

3. The biggest advantage of daylight savings time is that it provides an extra hour of light in the late afternoon or evening, depending on time of year, for sports, shopping, or eating outside. However, exposure to light later into the evening for almost eight months during daylight savings time comes at a price. This extended evening light delays the brain’s release of melatonin. The hormone that promotes drowsiness. Which in turn interferes with sleep and causes us to sleep less overall.

Andi’s Two Cents: I find those in congress who support daylight savings over standard time highly hypocritical after the last three years of “FOLLOW THE SCIENCE”.

Let me rinse and repeat that one.

I find those in congress who support daylight savings over standard time highly hypocritical after the last three years of “FOLLOW THE SCIENCE”.

Today was rough. I overslept by an hour and then had difficulty getting my head in the game to begin a new day, let alone a new work week. Nothing…NOTHING…was going smooth.

When I got to work, the first thing I needed to do was walk to the post office which is a mere two doors down on the other side of the fire station. Starting off…I tripped over the curb where I parked my car (almost fell to the ground). The road crew flagman saw me.

Then I dropped my keys in the fire department driveway. In front of the road crew.

Then I dropped my keys in front of the post office. In front of the road crew.

Came out of the post office and dropped my keys…again…and in front of the whole road crew.

I just wanted to stand there in the middle of the sidewalk and SCREAM:

I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!!!!

TMI: If I was younger (and had a man), I would have run to the nearest store to buy a pregnancy test. Whenever I had the dropsies like this, I knew I was pregnant. And…I always was.

This was my rant for the day. I’m going to take a nap now.

♥️

Andi

Photo credit: nbcpalmsprings.com

Matthew 6:26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

We were not designed to carry the weight of our own burdens let alone the weight of others. I have this tendency to claim your problems as my own and then pack them tightly on top of my mine in my backpack. Remember…we were not designed to even carry our own.

Give it to God.

Our Creator designed all the living creatures of this earth. He takes care of their needs. They do not work the earth yet God feeds and cloths them. Do we truly understand our value to Him? He didn’t promise heaven to the birds of the air. They were designed for the beauty of this earth. The same with all the sea creatures and land animals. Yet, God takes care of them.

Understand your value, your worth. You are precious to Him.

Continue to pray for each other. Pray for the evil that is running full throttle, near and abroad. Pray for those in leadership roles who have power to stop some of this evil. Pray without ceasing and with gratitude.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Have a blessed Sunday. ♥️

Andi

Original post: August 17, 2021

Everyone loves Grandpa. He isn’t blood to us but closer to us than most blood relation. We claim him as our own. And we love him dearly.

Grandpa used to live in Florida until just recently. He’s getting up in age now so he moved up here to be closer to family. He misses Florida though.

Grandpa taught us to play dice and golf, a card game. So when he visited or we visited him, we’d spend hours playing these games. A game wasn’t complete without him saying, “Winner and Champ-een…” and circling the winner’s name on the tablet and adding a star.

Grandpa loves movies too. Star Wars, Harry Potter, and Indiana Jones are a few he enjoyed watching with the kids when they were still at home. He has a few of his own favorites. Silverado, I think, is the first he mentions when asked. I got him to watch Return to Me with me once, and well…he cried. It’s now one of his favorites as well.

Many years ago, in the summer of 2006, when we all lived under one roof still, Grandpa came up to visit for a couple of weeks. We had a lot of fun with that visit. And we kept him busy.

We celebrated the 4th of July, his birthday in August, and a baking day. He built a bookcase for me, drank a lot of coffee, played poker with the kids, watched a ton of movies, more card playing and dice…

…and then, he got sick.

We aren’t exactly sure what bothered his stomach so much. No one else had it. But he had nausea and the hersey squirts pretty bad. And it lasted about a week and a half. He still tried to have a good time. He never threw up but he carried a wastebasket around…just in case. The trash can become his buddy so he named it Wilson from the movie Castaway. Because of his issue on the other end he told the kids he lost his “pucker string”. Don’t make me explain that one to you.

Grandpa would set Wilson on a bar stool next to him when we played games. He’d have to leave the table several times but he’d always come back with a couple of jokes. He’s a good humored grandpa.

When Grandpa went home, it was really sad. So I decided to put this scrapbook together so he’d always remember the great time we had together.

He laughed when he received it at his home in Florida. I bet he even had some tears. That’s just the beautiful man he is. And when he got to missing us he’d pull out the book to look at and laugh all over again. Especially with that surprise ending.

Now that Grandpa is up here and getting older he asked me to keep the book. I have it now. What a wonderful keepsake.

The pucker string is a continued fun topic. It just doesn’t get old. That’s the humor in my family.

I hope you enjoyed this special memory of mine. It’s a pleasantry to recall the good times in our life. It’s also nice to share them.

Have a wonderful weekend. ♥️

Andi

I enjoyed creating the this scrapbook for Grandpa. It was a treasured visit with him. All the pics are taken from the book so please ignore the glare. I didn’t want to remove the pages.

Original post: April 10, 2021.

Thank you, MH. ♥️

Things got tough when I was away in Florida. Not only was I trying to comprehend the loss of my dad, I was trying to deal with family who were also trying to comprehend the loss of him as well.

The day after my dad passed, I was frustrated. I felt left out. I felt controlled. I felt alone even in the presence of others. I shared my frustration and sadness with my friend who was far away. He said:

Life is all about hurt. You rise above it.

Think of the ocean and the big waves. If you are in the middle of the waves things can be rough and tough. But when you are riding the top of the wave, life is smooth and fun.

Same wave. Different experience.

At times we will be in the middle of a wave. That is inevitable. That is where you are now. But with your gifts and God-given talent, you will rise above.

Since I was in Florida on the Bay and Gulf, he couldn’t have used a better illustration.

Later, when I entering a situation where I knew the possibility of being hurt was relatively high, he texted me with this:

You are the cream, remember that.

I texted back a “ ? ”.

Cream always rises. It may start at the bottom.
Just like life, the good stuff rises above the bad. Try to be the cream in life.

If you are extra special, be ice cream.

I said, “I’d like to be extra special.”

Yes, you are.

I cannot even explain how the positiveness of one person, one person who truly cares, can change your hour, your day, your life. He knew exactly what I needed and it wasn’t ridicule. He knew the details of my situation and he could have told me that I’m 60 years old and to grow up. But he didn’t. This conversation will be with me forever. It was simple, yet ever so meaningful. And I so appreciate this man.

Be the cream. Rise above the chaos and let it be. Life is full of hurt. Don’t let it keep you down.

And if you are extra-special, be ice cream.♥️

Andi

Original post: March 7, 2021. Edited.

For Sheryl.

Yesterday, my daughter and I took a long country drive. We drove to a small farming community just for curiosity’s sake. In the middle of farmland were rows of houses, some with white picket fences, and large mature trees dotted the small town. There was a lone gas station and a small community park on the east side of town from where we entered. We slowly drove through town looking at everything but for nothing in particular. I’m assuming there was a post office although I didn’t see one. Maybe it was near the town hall which I did see. Many of the old buildings, in what would be considered downtown, were vacant. This was sad to me. Although I didn’t grow up in Indiana, I do remember small rural towns that were open for business with very few buildings vacant. Old gas stations, small town restaurants, general stores, floral shops, funeral services, machine shops, appliance stores, and mom and pops full of sweet treats. It was about everyone in the community working together to support their little hometown. I guess I grew up in the Mayberry era. And it was grand.

As we drove around we saw signs of youth in the community which I saw as a good sign. Raising children in a rural Indiana is sweet to me. The school is large (we passed it on the way into town) and I’m assuming it supports several of the rural communities. As for the parents, they would need to commute to the larger cities for work as there is nothing in this town to support them.

The railroad was on the west edge of town and there grain would be loaded into railcars. I drove out of town and into the farmland a little ways before turning around to go back through again. I wanted to take it all in. I noticed a second church which I missed on our first run through. It looked like a ghost town on the main street. We stopped at the community park to walk our dogs before heading home. That’s where I found that sparkly little brook I posted yesterday. I really wish I had taken pictures of the town to share with you here. But maybe it’s good to use your imagination with this particular post.

This morning I washed my bedding and hung it out on the line. It made me think of days long gone. No one hangs their laundry out anymore. I then thought of a home I saw yesterday in that little town. It was an old, but a very well-kept farmhouse with barns and several outbuildings. It was a very attractive property with its well-groomed yard and landscaping. The house with its large, welcoming porch, was absolutely beautiful. I can only imagine the thousands of conversations that took place on that porch over the years as friends and family rocked away in those old wooden rocking chairs while sipping on iced tea. The house and all of the buildings were white with black trim. Black iron posts held an attractive sign that told of the business that was located on the premises. A tradesman. A machine shop. Sadly, this is almost nonexistent now. And to me, it’s like losing an old friend.

I remember old farmers and mechanics working out of their own barns and garages. The smell of oil, gas, and hydraulic fluid upon entering was a good smell to me. I remember seeing the owners with their clothes, faces, and arms greasy and black from their labor. Not to mention the spittle around the corners of their mouth and sometimes dried on their chin. These old men had much to share about life. They’d tell of their worries about the younger generation while comparing them to their own youthful days of growing up. They’d share their fishing tales, talk politics, discuss the tractors and trucks and other equipment they’ve worked on, and once in awhile throw in humorous bragging on this or that. I regret that the youth of today don’t have that opportunity to sit in a garage or old barn and listen to the old men talk. Those days are mostly gone now.

As for me, I’m going to hang my laundry out until I am no longer physically able to do so. I am grateful that I grew up in the time that I did when I was not-so-far from the old days. I got in on just the tail end.

Above is a picture of when I was a teenager and I’m sitting with my siblings and our great-grandmother who was born in the late 1800’s. Not really so long after the Civil War ended. She traveled by covered wagon, mostly through Minnesota, Wisconsin, and the Dakotas. My how times have changed.

This next picture is a six generation family photo. Paul Harvey spoke of this rare event on his broadcast. My grandmother, my mom’s mother, is holding the baby, and her mother, my great-grandmother, is the oldest one in the picture, the same woman from my first picture.

Days of old…not that they were easy days by any means, but what treasures are found in them. It’s hard to keep the memories alive but it would be in our best interest to bring some of the past back into our present.

Be grateful for the days of old for they have much to teach us about life and living. ♥️

Andi

When we pray, our prayers are often based on our very human side which is filled with emotion. We see everything up close and very personal while God sees a much larger picture with a much greater purpose.

We know that God has all power. We acknowledge that He has the ability to pull us out, and away, from every single situation that pains us. But what if God doesn’t?

Even if God doesn’t…even when we do not understand why…and no matter how much we are hurting…our hope and our trust rest in Him. And this is because God loves us more than we could ever comprehend, and He sees the larger, complete picture.

Even If by MercyMe is one of my most favorite Christian songs, if not the favorite. I’ve listened to it a million times (well maybe not that many) and I tear up (okay, cry) every single time. The emotion Bart Millard beautifully pours into each word reaches my very soul.

But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I pray in a certain direction according to my heart (you know, based on my human side), but then I also pray that I accept whatever the outcome is. That is really difficult to do. And truthfully, it is sometimes prayed hesitantly and reluctantly.

But I know He hears me. And I know He feels every bit of my anguish. Yet I also know He has a reason for His decision that I often cannot see or understand. This is submission on my part. Accepting His decision regardless, and loving Him without reserve. It is quite humbling.

But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

♥️

Andi

Photos: a big part of my heart lies 1,300 miles away in the beautiful state of Maine. These pictures are mine and were taken in 2017, 2019.

EMOTIONS

Is there shame in expressing sadness, heartache, or pain,
To look through the sun and only see rain,
Is it absurd of me to feel such emotions,
Must I drink from the well of those “feel good” potions?

My feelings are genuine and very real to me,
Please don’t condemn because you can’t see,
That the positive and negative, together compose,
The very essence of people, with their highs and their lows.

Perpetual happiness is wrong to expect,
When a heart is so broken; emotions reflect,
As God in the beginning blessed all of mankind,
With many emotions, at His will He designed.

So cherish and marvel at this wonderful gift,
Knowing life isn’t always joyful and bliss,
While lifting a sad soul to a happier place,
Know that variety of emotion is worth the embrace.

By Andi
January 25, 2013

Photo credit: my son, Ezekiel

Sharing this powerful post written by one of my favorite bloggers. ♥️ ~ Andi

Last night my son Tyler who is 20 years old told me some things that his mind has been telling him. These are unpleasant thoughts and he has been …

Secrets 3/9

Before she goes bed, my lovely 6 year old granddaughter, Belle, knocks on my bedroom door. I answer and she asks to come in. I say yes, of course. I know why she’s come to visit.

She always finds me in my recliner, writing.

First she says, “I just want to hug you.” We hug tightly.

She keeps her face close to mine.

“Butterfly kiss.”

I remove my readers so my eyelashes can brush her cheek. Sometimes we get silly and I will give her butterfly kisses all over her face. We’ve even butterfly kissed our eyelashes together.

Next she says, “Eskimo kiss.” So we rub the tip of our noses together.

Last but not least, she asks for a regular kiss.

I love you’s are shared and then she’s off running to her daddy for a goodnight story. They are reading The Hobbit.

I love our little bedtime routine. One day she will no longer ask for butterfly kisses so I give them liberally now and treasure each and every one.

Treasured moments between this blessed grandma and her sweet granddaughter. 🦋

Andi

Original post: September 14, 2021. Edited.

We all have one. You know…that one friend who knows the right things to say at the right time. The one who can lay it all out for you to see, and no matter what it looks like you understand because it finally makes sense. Even criticism of the worst part of you doesn’t seem so bad coming from that friend.

They don’t shame you, but shape you to be a better person. Their gentle yet firm presentation makes all the difference in how it is received by you, and their honesty is worth more to you than all the riches of this world.

That one friend…
…is a rock in your life.
…follows closer than your shadow.
…is a keeper.
…is a gift from above.

Be grateful for a friend such as this.

Pray for that friend. ♥️

Andi

And God created the sun on the fourth day. Genesis 1: 14-19. “And God saw that it was good.”

I love the sun. Not only does it supply the vitamin D my body requires but it is good for my soul. The sun has a warmth that compares to nothing else.

The sun can make a difference between a rough day and a good day. I guess it helps me to handle things with a cheerier attitude. I know I should be able to control my attitude on my own but a little boost from the sun is sometimes just what I need.

Today I received a message. My friend whom so many have been praying for, was sitting in the sun. At the time I received the message I was also enjoying the sun from my car window. It warmed me as I was cold all day at work. I’m sure my friend found some comfort in the healing rays of the sun.

Many today talk of the ill effects of the sun. I am not a doctor or a scientist, but I am a believer. And if my God says “it is good”, then that’s what I’m running with.

My sunroom was aglow in the late afternoon sun today. The plants were loving it. I have three orchids currently blooming. I sent pictures of them to my friend.

Always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

I graduated high school in 1979. I look back and the 70’s was a blast to grow up in. We didn’t know about politics and all the grown up stuff. We just knew how to have fun. We weren’t afraid of things back then either. We weren’t afraid to walk up and down our road with our friends, day or night, or through fields to buy candy from a mom & pop store. We walked everywhere or rode bikes. A lot of the neighborhood boys had dirt bikes and would ride on trails under the power lines all day long during the summer. Of which, I should mention…the summers would last forever in the 70’s. Juss sayin’. Out in May and back after Labor Day. I tell my kids I want to put them in the car and drive them back to the 70’s. I would if I could.

The style of clothing was pretty cool. I loved midriffs, my tube tops with bib overalls, Chucks, Levi’s, and my bell bottom jeans. The bells were so big I’d have to put a rubber band around the bottom so my pants would not get caught in the chain when I rode my bike. We’d hand embroider words on the backside of our jeans too. Since we have a crumblet (like my new word?), a crumblet amount of Kickapoo in our blood, I once embroidered Kickapoo Power on my back pocket. Pretty.darn.cool………back then.

I’ve noticed that the boys today sport the 70’s look with their longer hair. I certainly don’t mind it. I actually like it. Just brings back memories of the good ‘ole days.

Some of my best memories are of the car rides on our family vacations. We certainly did not fly anywhere. That wasn’t even a thought back then. We didn’t have phones or DVDS to entertain us on long rides. We had each other. We swapped Archie comic books and sang to the songs on the radio. Ra-di-o. Not stereo. And we ate snacks.

With eating in the car, we’d end up playing “Who Ate the Fluff?” (I just now made up the name, and it wasn’t really a game. It was a race, of sorts.) If you smelled something a little racey in the car (which usually originated from the area of the driver’s seat), you’d hurry to put your thumb on your forehead. The last one to do so, ate it. And the last one was usually my brother who would end up sobbing, “I don’t wanna to eat it!” We laugh about that now. Well, we did then too, but now my brother laughs with us.

Sometime along the way, we would stop to eat a wonderful lunch that Mom prepared. Usually cold fried chicken, grapes, potato salad, chips, and cheese. You get the idea. The food always seemed to taste better out of a cooler and on the road. But…more food meant more fluffs later in the car. My dear brother. Side note: the word fart was considered a swear word by my mom. She replaced it with fluff. Gotta love her.

It was great to be on road trips with my family. Lots of fun. Of course, my sister would get upset if our legs touched in the car and she’d start yelling at me but we laugh about that now too.

The music in the 70’s was the absolute best too. I mean…the best. Who can really give me a good argument when it comes to musicians like:
The Eagles
America
Fleetwood Mac
David Bowie
Led Zeppelin
Paul McCartney and Wings
Billy Preston
Pink Floyd
Genesis
Bruce Springsteen
Queen
Beatles
The Who
Al Green
Rolling Stones
AC/DC
Jethro Tull
Jimi Hendricks
Carly Simon
ABBA
The Isley Brothers
John Denver
Bee Gees
Chicago
Rush
Deep Purple
Rod Stewart
Elton John
Dianna Ross
Carole King

I’m just getting started, but okay, I’ll stop. Just know I’m leaving out many great artists.

The 70’s was just the best time to grow up in. That’s my opinion because I lived through it. While most memories are great, truth be told, I was a little naughty on occasion. No…nothing compared to today’s definition of naughty. But naughty, none-the-less.

You know, like sneaking out of my bedroom window at night to hang out with the neighborhood kids. Getting stuck once wasn’t too cool. Or, lady-like. Trying pot along with a little Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill or Old Style beer (🤢). That’s really the extent of my naughtiness. Well…truth be told again, not really. After we moved 3 hours away, I found new friends who partied a lot. I tried to fit in where I could, you know? That was my teenage mentality at the time. During one night of partying, I did throw up on the side of a house. I mean on the house. And not my house. Wasn’t one of my most glorious moments. That night I earned a new nickname. Al. Short for “alcoholic”. The nickname stuck with me even though I don’t believe I ever drank that much in high school again.

But I have many good memories with family and friends during that decade. No phones, video games, absolutely nothing to distract us from each other. Then I got married in 1980 and had to grow up. And I’ve been reluctantly growing up ever since.

The decades have come and gone and the 70’s seem like light years away. That is…until I hear Hotel California, Ventura Highway, You’re So Vain, Will It Go Round In Circles, or any other song from that decade, and I find myself walking down Bonnie Brook Lane with my sister and a few of our neighborhood friends.

♥️

Andi

~ Our God is an awesome God ~

Last night, on behalf of my friend, prayers were lifted to our Father and with compassion, He honored them. My friend is here. Exhausted, but with us.

My heart is filled with love and gratitude. I cannot fully express how I feel. To know that you prayed for a complete stranger is overwhelmingly gracious and kind. And some of you do not even know me except through my blog.

God’s family is the best. His family extends to the far ends of the earth and every place in between. My friend is truly blessed this day. And I am blessed by you.

This event brought Christians together for a common goal. God heard and graciously blessed us. But our God would still be an awesome God if our prayers had been answered differently. We have to believe that no matter what the outcome, God is just. He is most loving and always works for the good of His children. We have to trust in His wisdom.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ♥️

Andi

I believe there is power in prayer. I believe there is strength in the prayer of a single faithful person. But I also believe in leaning on others when times are exceptionally difficult. I have a group of friends who are my prayer warriors. My warrior sisters. When something urgent comes up I call on them.

I called upon my warriors tonight.

Praying for a loved one. My friend, my muse, my confidant, my rock.

I know what I want. I know what I selfishly desire because I’m not ready to let go. I pray, through tears, that I will accept God’s decision, no matter what.

This is so very difficult. I don’t understand so many things in this life. All the “ifs” and “whys”. But God is all-knowing. His wisdom is beyond my comprehension. His love is great. I will trust in Him.

Praying to God the Father, Creator of all things beautiful, through His Son, Jesus. ♥️

Andi

I love this picture of my girls. It was taken at my 60th birthday party almost two years ago. These girls are pretty amazing. Similar, yet very different from one another.

One thing they have in common is their laughter and their ability to find almost everything funny. They have the greatest sense of humor. (Actually, all six of my kids do.) Their laughter is contagious. You cannot be around them and not join in their laughter, even if you don’t know what the heck they are laughing at. Laughter is one of the greatest gifts given to mankind. At least in my book. It is definitely a connection of their hearts…and mine.

My girls are upfront and honest with me. I’m a little more passive, I suppose. As adults, we don’t always see eye-to-eye but we do respect boundaries and each other. We can talk about silly things, girly things, serious things, and hard things. Most anything.

I don’t know what I’d do without my girls. I’d be lost for sure. God has truly blessed me. And I am grateful that I can call these beautiful young women, mine. ♥️

Andi

My daughter, Charlie, gave her niece, Belle, a magical garden for Christmas. Belle painted the pieces first and then Charlie helped to plant the wheat grass. When the pieces dried, Belle arranged them as she wanted and then added gems to the display. I added a tiny string of lights when she was through.

The wheat grass grew very quickly in my sunroom. Every morning we were astonished at the growth. We are supposed to trim the grass but my granddaughter says she doesn’t want me to mow it. She wants it grow to the ceiling. Not sure how tall I’ll let the grass grow before I get the scissors out for a good trimming. It’s pretty tall already.

Putting this garden together reminded me of the time I worked in the activities department at a long term health care facility. We made gardens with the residents and had a contest. They had great fun and so did we.

My garden was a pirate theme. The residents had many creative ideas too. It is a cherished memory of my time there.

Below are a few of the gardens made by the residents:

It’s fun to get caught up in make-believe and become a child again. That’s how I felt when watching my granddaughter create hers and of the time when I threw together a tiny pirate garden.

I hope your weekend is great and that maybe you can tap into your inner child and do something fun. ♥️

Andi

Original post: July 29, 2021. Edited.

We all have a past. Some of it is exceptionally good while other parts might be a little on the shady side. We are human and we make mistakes, bad choices, and wrong decisions. And often all at once! Sometimes we are caught up in something so off-color we don’t even realize the messiness of our life. That is, until we find a way to look in from the outside. That is quite a wake-up call.

I know my past very well. I’d prefer that some of it was buried deep so I’d never ever have to look at it again. But, I also realize that my past has shaped me, molded me, and helped me to become a better person. Not that I would EVER suggest that you intentionally do wrong because it might make you a better person later. Do Not Do That. We can definitely learn enough from all the things we unintentionally do wrong.

Moving on up to the present…

So you have a past. If you haven’t learned anything, if you continue living in unproductive and unhealthy patterns, then expect others to talk about you and your life. It’s going to happen. Your past defines your present because you never left it.

But if you have changed and grown and you’ve left your old life behind, do not allow it to define you. If someone tries to bind your past to the present, don’t let it bring you down. Sadly, there are those who walk this earth who are relentless and unforgiving. Their sole purpose in life (so it seems) is to disrupt other’s lives so no one notices theirs. Do not let it touch your heart. You do not answer to them.

As difficult as it might be, walk away knowing you are better than that person of yesterday. Walk away with your head held high because you no longer know or associate with that person of the past.

I am one who carries guilt from my past. I’m a sponge who has absorbed all the pain, hurt, and sorrow throughout my lifetime. Not only my pain but everyone else’s close to me as well. One wrong word from certain people and I can lose a day, or a week, or longer, because my spirit is crushed and I once again feel every bit of my unworthiness. So this post is for me.

We all have our crosses to bear, but it’s wonderful to know that we don’t have to carry the weight alone. It’s especially awesome that we are not going to be judged by humans.

Do not let your past define you. Be strong and hold your head high. You are an overcomer and a survivor. Lean on those who fill you your bucket. Walk away from the rest.

Hold your head high & smile like a llama.

Have a wonderful evening. Peace. ♥️

Andi

Original post: July 19, 2020. Edited.

Birthdays and Christmas were big when the kids were young and still at home. Christmas was so much fun for this Mrs. Claus. I tried to get most everything, if not everything, on their wish list, or what was spelled out in their letters to Santa. I have a couple of notebooks where I kept track of everything they received, including what was in their stocking, along with all the dollar amount totals. I kept track of every person we bought for…for every Christmas. I think I did a good job balancing it all out. And Christmas was magical.

The only gift I think that maybe was a flop was a go-kart for my two oldest boys. (Really there’s no thinking about it. It absolutely was.) My now-ex, had someone build it and then asked me what color we should paint it. We knew we wanted a neon color. Something bright and fun. To this day I do not know what I was thinking as I chose hot neon pink for my sons’ go-kart. And that’s what it was painted. I’m so sorry, boys. It was a little humiliating. Okay. A lot humiliating. I’m just glad we lived pretty much in the middle of nowhere. (Insert cheesy smile.)

Many times the kids would receive gifts that could possibly become collectors items years down the road. My now-ex would tell the children “it’s worth more in the box”. So my kids would immediately proceed to destroy the box to get the toy out and play with it. Yeah, they were rebellious like that.

When you think of all the things we set aside to save for that perfect time, like an antique set of China, maybe a beautiful necklace and earrings, a nice pair of boots, perfume, or that little black dress, it adds up to many things that are occasionally enjoyed, if ever. My question is why do we leave them in the box, the top drawer of the dresser, in the back of the closet, or in the bottom of the hutch? In the long run, are these things really worth more by using less or admiring from the box on a shelf?

Everyday is a gift. Unwrap it and enjoy every bit of it. Don’t put things away only to be used for a moment nine months from now. Use it today and enjoy it. Get that China out when you have that weeny roast. Well, maybe not that. But make it a point to use it for Sunday meals instead of only Thanksgiving or Christmas. If a plate gets broke, it gets broke. In the scheme of things, it’s just a plate. The time together is the real gift.

Last week a man I knew passed away suddenly and way too soon. My best friend passed away at 54. We don’t know if we have a tomorrow or a next day. We don’t even know if we will make it home tonight to sleep in our bed. I say use that perfume. Buy those flowers. Open that bottle of wine. Wear that shirt. Open that box. Don’t wait for certain moments to be special. Make every moment special. Truly, nothing is worth more left in the box. The value is in today.

I would never take back a single moment of watching my kids tear up a box of a possible collectors item. No amount of money can replace the joy on their faces as they opened their gifts or of the sweet memories of Christmases long ago.

Cherish every moment. Make them as special as you can. It’s all we truly have.

Have a blessed day and always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

We each have a boatload of things on our mind. Finances, child rearing, employment, what’s for dinner, family issues, school, world events, health, appointments, our current administration, religion, maybe even addictions, etc.

Any one of a million things could be on our mind at given moment. And if you are like me, it’s not just one thing. It’s many things which make it very difficult for me to focus.

I woke up this morning in a not-so-good mood. I was irritated, anxious, and mad. It made me wonder what I dreamt in the night to put me in such a bad place.

In my devotion this morning, the writer suggested that I imagine myself sitting quietly on a bench with Jesus. To break the silence, Jesus kindly asks me, “What’s on your mind?”

What’s on your mind?

In my mind, I immediately yelled out a problem that has been heavy on my heart. It seemed to have come out of nowhere. As soon I made it known to Jesus though, I felt better. My anger and anxiety quieted down. I didn’t have a bad dream after all. I must have gone to sleep with the issue on my mind and then thought about it throughout the night.

I think it’s a great idea to picture yourself with Jesus. Go to that favorite place in your mind and sit next to Him. Just the two of you. Jesus breaks the silence and asks you what is on your mind. What is your response? What is your very first thought?

I hope you found this to be helpful. It seems too simple but it certainly gave me peace today. The first thing you think of is probably your heaviest burden. Give it to Jesus. If you deal with that one issue only during your prayer time, you should rejoice. If you cannot visualize Him sitting next to you, know that He is ever-present and will meet you wherever you are. ♥️

Andi

This thought has been haunting me for several days now. Tonight, I’m drowning in it.

I watched a program about the poisoning of our environment. Our water. Our air. Our land. Our food supply is becoming smaller and less healthy. Our world is contaminated inside and out.

For once being the country on top of the world, we have allowed for the swindling of our health and our wealth by those who pad their own pockets. We were relishing in the notion that we, as a nation, could never fall. Something like that could never happen here. But it is here. And we need to recognize it for what it is.

I look around at all I have in my home. There is a railroad a mile from here on the north side of town. What if a train derailed here? What if a fire raged nearby and we were all evacuated? Or, a devastating earthquake? What would I take with me when I have to flee my home? Realistically, nothing matters except for life.

At the beginning of last week, my dear friend was suddenly fighting for his life. And as he was fighting, he was wondering IF he should be fighting. And while I want him to fight hard always (because I selfishly need him here), I understood his sentiment completely. The world is not the same anymore. People are not the same either. Heaven gates are much more appealing. Seeing Jesus in all His glory and knowing there will no longer be tears, well…nothing here compares.

Staring death in the face. Whether on our deathbed, or watching all that supports life on earth deteriorate before our eyes, we are all staring death in the face. What do we do?

For one, we need to be reassured that God is in control of ALL things. But if His children do not make their concerns known to Him, or simply do not care, He might sit out on a few things. We do not know. His desire is for us to come to Him with our requests. He wants us to lay our burdens at Jesus’s feet. He wants to hear from you and me.

I cannot stress enough, the need to draw closer to God. We never know when our last breath will take place. Sure, we have ideas on what we want for our future lives, but are we prepared if our future is only tomorrow?

When you realize the fragility of life, you will also realize you are constantly staring death in the face. Let’s look through death to a life made in heaven.

Thanks for stopping by again. ♥️

Andi

Part 2

When I penned Life.Is.Not.Fair. yesterday, I did not intend for it to be a Part One. But after reading a comment by Nate on that post, I certainly looked at the parable in a different light. It is light in which the parable was actually intended. So I will expand on that.

I wasn’t born into a Christian home per se. Oh, my parents dabbled in Sunday services until we kids started to complain. Dad was brought up in a strict Catholic home and even went to an all boys Catholic school. Mom grew up in the Lutheran church and before she could marry my dad had to sign a document that stated their future children would be brought up Catholic. Dad taught catechism in our home to high schoolers. We kids went to other homes for catechism. Even Father Cull came to our home for spaghetti dinners. All of that was relatively short lived.

We had a huge Bible on our coffee table filled with beautiful colored pictures. They were copies of pictures that probably hang in a museum somewhere or maybe in a cherished Catholic Church. Mom would insist that nothing, absolutely nothing, was ever to lay on top of it. That Bible was a symbol of Christianity to my mom and she cherished it. That is until Rufus Q. Poopsalot chewed it to pieces much to her heartbreak.

I ventured out into the religious world on my own when I got older. I was different from my family. I was in search of a personal relationship with God. I had questions. I needed the answers in order to find peace. Christianity had to be more than a gorgeous Bible laying on a coffee table.

I got married a year out of high school. I stumbled upon a job with a newspaper out of Hicksville. Really. That’s the name of an actual town. I was given my own column to write. I was handed a camera and sent off to find interesting stories about people. And I loved it. I went into the community and interviewed people and businesses alike.

One of my personal favorite interviews was with a man and the huge beaver dam on his wooded property. The man remained anonymous in order to protect the dam. It was a fascinating dam story. 🙂

But my very first interview was with a preacher man. (All in God’s timing.) His congregation had started a Christian school. It was a great story. He seemed quite knowledgeable about the Bible. One thing led to another and he gave me answers to the questions I had been carrying since I was young. It was only a matter of time until I was baptized. I was 20.

I wasn’t born into a family where God was personal. God was more like an image that was set on a shelf and dusted around. Some people are born into families that have a strong Christian foundation and values. The children grow up knowing nothing else other than Christianity.

So this brings me to the parable.

I would like to summarize and expand on the illustration that Nate used in his comment.

After a collision at sea, people were thrown into the darkness of the deep. Young and old grabbed onto any floatable device to keep from drowning. A ship comes to the rescue and begins to bring the drowning (repentant) people safely aboard. Those on the ship have been in a saved relationship with Christ and should rejoice that those pulled from the water finally found their salvation before the sea claimed their souls.

The laborers of the vineyard who worked all day should have rejoiced in their salvation of the vineyard. But instead they grumbled at what they viewed as unfairness for those who only worked an hour before the harvest was complete.

This is a wonderful parable. I guess I can relate with it as I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I would have been upset that my wage was the same after working all day as the one who worked an hour. I’m just being honest here. But in matters of salvation, as this parable was intended, I would have deserved the stern rebuke and the need for repentance.

Thank you Nate, for your illustration. I appreciate your comment. I hope I did it justice. ♥️

Below is the only picture I could find at the moment of Rufus Q. Poopsalot. It certainly isn’t a very good angle, but you get the idea. (The “Q” stands for Quincy.) Also in the picture is my mom, brother, and me.

On another note: I know I told you I was not going to write so much on my blog so I could concentrate on other writings. Well….ever since I said that I have spent even more time writing here! Every spare moment is attached to my blog. I must say though I’ve been able to write in other areas as well. Go figure…🤷🏼‍♀️

Have a blessed new week. Find joy in your salvation. Look into the face of unfairness and shout, “you don’t own me!” And like the Ethiopian eunuch in Acts 8: 26-40, go on your way rejoicing! ♥️

Andi

Original post: July 19, 2020. Edited.

I was raised in Waukegan, a city north of Chicago. I say it’s a suburb of Chicago and we lived in a suburb of the suburb. If you can follow that. It wasn’t city yet it wasn’t completely country. If you can follow that too. The area we lived was not built up. There were lots of open fields for dirt bike riding and hanging out with friends. So what I’m getting at is that I do not consider myself a city girl, but a country girl. I guess it’s all in the eye of the beholder. I’m definitely a country girl by heart.

I love everything about the country. I’m sure city life has its perks but I’ll always take the country first. I particularly love the wildlife and farm animals. Someday I’d like to have a fainting goat and a cow. Chickens too. Chickens are some of the funniest animals to watch. Our neighbors have chickens and one lone rooster that crows anytime he feels like it…sometimes all day long. I don’t mind. I like to hear him. To me hearing a rooster crow makes me feel all countrified and stuff. And that’s a great feeling for me.

Animals were very important during Bible times and in the stories written. Doves, donkeys, goats, sheep, bears, a whale, lions, snakes, etc. They played vital roles in the stories told. God often used the simple to teach essential life lessons. I am going to reflect on one of these lessons this morning. It’s short. It’s simple in form, yet it contains a powerful message.

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, a rooster crowed and it made a grown man cry.

Matthew 26:34-35; 69-75

34 Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.”

35 Peter said to him, “Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!” And all the disciples said the same.

69 Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. And a servant girl came up to him and said, “You also were with Jesus the Galilean.”

70 But he denied it before them all, saying, “I do not know what you mean.”

71 And when he went out to the entrance, another servant girl saw him, and she said to the bystanders, “This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.”

72 And again he denied it with an oath: “I do not know the man.”

73 After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, “Certainly you too are one of them, for your accent betrays you.”

74 Then he began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, “I do not know the man.” And immediately the rooster crowed.

75 And Peter remembered the saying of Jesus, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly.

Even after seeing all the wonderful miracles Jesus had performed during His teaching and ministry, Peter did two things. 1) He did not believe Jesus…that he could possibly deny Him. 2) Peter went straight out and denied Jesus three times.

Peter saw with his own eyes all that Jesus had done, yet he still denied Him. Can you just imagine how Peter felt every time he heard a rooster crow for the rest of his life.

God is long-suffering because He knows our human weaknesses. We doubt. We forget. We deny. We sin, repent, only to sin again. Often in the same sin. He is gracious in giving us time.

We have the Bible to bring our history to life. And it is our history. It was written for our learning, to know from where we came, the struggles of the human race, the discipline, the love of God, and to help us from doubting and denying. Even though we didn’t see the wonders and miracles performed first hand, nor did we touch Jesus’s side, we can believe.

I am grateful for the word of God.
I am grateful that God is long-suffering.
I am grateful for every morning I wake up.
I am grateful that Jesus died for our sins.

♥️

Andi

Photos: my kitchen rooster (what a ham…he likes his picture taken); Buddy’s Bible

Sometimes, many times, we feel we are getting the short end of the stick. We wonder why do these things always happen to me? It’s so easy to feel every bit the victim.

But reality is…life is not fair to a single one of us. Not one.

I read the parable of the laborers in the vineyard. I know without a doubt, that I would have been upset had I been one of the laborers who worked a full day. See…I’m selfish like that. I choose to see things my way. I want things to be fair and square…..well, as long as they benefit me. I would have thought pay me more, or pay them less.

Matthew 20:1-16
Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard

For the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard.

After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard.

And going out about the third hour he saw others standing idle in the marketplace,

and to them he said, ‘You go into the vineyard too, and whatever is right I will give you.’

So they went. Going out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour, he did the same.

And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing. And he said to them, ‘Why do you stand here idle all day?’

They said to him, ‘Because no one has hired us.’ He said to them, ‘You go into the vineyard too.’

And when evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the laborers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last, up to the first.’

And when those hired about the eleventh hour came, each of them received a denarius.

Now when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more, but each of them also received a denarius.

And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house,

saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’

But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius?

Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you.

I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?

So the last will be first, and the first last.”

God never told us life on earth would be fair. If God treated us fairly, well, none of us would be here today because of our sin. But He is just.

Even when Jesus called out to His Father to take the cup from Him, His Father did not. Jesus knew the pain He was about to suffer at the hands of man. The very ones He was about to die for. How was that fair? Yet, Jesus said not my will, but Yours.

Jesus was spotless. Pure. Faultless. Without sin. Yet He bore the sin of every single one us. I heard it said once that Jesus absorbed our sin. I think that paints a clearer picture of what He did for us.

I can barely carry the weight of my own sin, yet Jesus absorbed all of mine, yours, and of every single human being. And He willingly did so knowing that sin separates us from the Father. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

But Jesus trusted God. Jesus knew His Father’s will and that God’s plan wasn’t completely finished at the cross. Jesus was to rise from the grave because death could not keep Him. Jesus knew He needed to fulfill all prophecy in order to save us.

We need to do the same as Jesus…through all the unfairness…trust God.

When life is unfair, we can learn and grow. And we can do so without becoming a victim of our circumstance. Jesus never allowed Himself to become the victim even after all the sin He bore on our behalf.

God is faithful and just and His justice is perfection.

Try not to focus on the unfairness. Focus on learning from every experience, good or bad. Know that God is ever-present and He cares for you. Sometimes we must endure hard things. God is the potter. We are the clay. Remember always what Jesus did for you at the cross…and be grateful. ♥️

Andi

I can say that I come from a long line of nappers, but I cannot say I come from a long line of apron wearers. I think though, that I have officially started that line.

I wear aprons, along with all three of my daughters and my daughter-in-law, and now my granddaughters. Sometimes my goofy boys will slip one on to give us a hand in the kitchen. I love it.

With our annual holiday baking day, the girls wear an apron with their elf name attached. Many years ago, when I was a stamper, I made badges that were pinned to their aprons. This past Christmas I surprised them with personalized pins of their elf name. Next year I hope to have new aprons for each of my baking elves.

MY ELVES
Denae: Cocoa
Charlie: Jangle
Mattea: Zara Belle
Dani: Snickerdoodle (The pin I had made had a limit of letters so her pin is SnickerDoo)
(Me: Glitter)

MY LITTLE ELVES
Belle: Holly
Kota: Tinsel
Juneau: Poppy

We have a lot of fun in the kitchen. It’s non-stop sharing and laughing. Music is always playing so there’s constant singing, and occasionally, a little kitchen dancing.

I treasure all the memories made while wearing aprons. Wearing an apron means that something good is coming out of the kitchen.

I hope you make good memories too, regardless if you wear an apron or not. ♥️

Andi

Gale force winds swept my life off track.  I tried and tried but couldn’t get back The girl I knew was no longer, blown away by life’s tempest. All …

Hiraeth

**Hiraeth was written by my daughter. I was greatly moved by her words. She is quite a talented writer and I am very proud of her. I received her permission to repost. ♥️ Andi

When I was in my early twenties, I heard a preacher discussing eternal life. He said that some people think when you die you are dead all over like a dog named Rover.

I don’t share that sentiment. I believe in life after death. Eternal life.

I believe that we have a soul from the time of conception through all eternity.

And I believe that with every breath we take is worshipping God, our Creator.

Last year I saw a video of a man speaking about our breath. It was inspiring, hopeful, and gave me peace.

I’ve thought about it’s concept a lot over the past year. Then yesterday, when one of the most important people in my life contacted me for prayers as he was in the hospital in very serious condition, I began to focus on it even more deeply. Hence, this post was born.

Moses asked God what His name is. God answered YHWH, as it is recorded in the original Hebrew.

We added an “a” and an “e” to get YaHWeH. It’s been said that we have a preference for vowels. I get that.

Rabbis and scholars concur that the letters YHWH, God’s holy name, represent breathing sounds, or aspirated consonants. Without the added vowels, it actually sounds like breathing.

YH (inhale)
WH (exhale)

So a baby’s first breath speaks the name of God as does the final breath of man before the soul leaves the body.

I believe this. And I believe that every person who ever lived, those who are living now, and those yet to be born, speak the name of God with every breath they take. Even those who deny the very existence of God.

When life support was to be removed from my father, I was there. I spoke to him hoping he could hear me as I expressed years of my suppressed love for him. We had had a tumultuous relationship. There was love but it was often buried deep beneath our hurt and differences.

I stayed with him as he made the journey between this life to the next. From the time they removed life support to when he was pronounced deceased was seven minutes. Seven minutes. We watched his last breath leave his body. YHWH. The two other family members left. I stayed. I had so much more to share with my dad.

Yet…as I held him and washed his face with my tears, there was a noticeable difference. I could tell that my dad was no longer in my presence. He was gone and my words just laid there in the emptiness.

I’ve never heard anyone ever speak of this transition until I watched a movie recently with Sally Fields. It was called Two Weeks. She had been in a coma and her kids would take turns talking to her. After she had passed, one of her sons went in to talk to her. He noticed that same difference after she passed as I did with my dad. She was no longer present. So he didn’t linger there. He just said goodbye. I lingered. My lingering was only for me, I realized.

Our breath is life. It is worship. It is the awesome name of our Creator. He breathed the breath of life into man, and He takes the soul after the last breath of His holy name.

Genesis 2:7
then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

We will never be able to recognize all the amazingly intricate details that God inserted into all of His creation. I’m glad though that others discovered the beauty in our breath and how we praise God with every one.

It never ceases to amaze me how fragile life is yet how resilient our bodies are. The will to live in the flesh is strong as we want to remain here with those we love. My dad was absolutely not ready to leave. This life is all we know and the other side of death is scary to us. Regardless, life is eternal.

I praise God for answering prayer on behalf of my friend whom I love so much. He is still in a fragile state of health but God is ever-present and we find great comfort in that. Live life fully with Jesus as your comfort and guide, and with gratitude knowing that there’s is still much more awaiting you on the other side of death. And breathe…

The breath of life is in His holy name. ♥️

Andi

Photos: 1) credit to my daughter, Mattea; 2) goodseed.com

Original posting: February 14, 2021

One very sunny, but chilly winter day, I ran to the grocery store. I picked up a few things and got in line at the checkout counter. This was long before there were self-checkouts, and at a time when a pandemic was something you only read about in a science fiction book. This particular day was during the good old days when you weren’t afraid to talk to one another.

I got in line behind an older woman whom I recognized. At first I could not place her. I remembered her kind face though. It wasn’t until later that I recalled that I had seen her at church that I visited often and then remembered too that she had owned a restaurant in town for a bit. My life then was all about kids (six of them) so many people were only acquaintances to me. I had some behind-the-scenes struggles as well that kept me distracted and distanced from others.

This woman’s name was Julie.

Julie talked to me with such kindness as we stood in line. She asked about my family and my many kids. I realize now that my head was wrapped around children and what to make for lunch after church services that I didn’t visit with others like maybe I should have. Julie knew way more about me than I knew of her and she seemed to think highly of me. I don’t know why. We were at different stages in life. As an older woman now myself maybe I’m able to observe more detail in others as well. I also believe she was intuitive enough to see that I had some struggles going on in my life.

As we talked I admired her very colorful scarf. It looked heavy and warm and really soft. I told her how pretty it was. She told me that she had made it and explained how easy it was to do. It was then her turn to checkout and we said our goodbyes. I paid my bill and headed out to my suburban.

As I was unloading the cart into my car, I was pleasantly surprised to see Julie approach me. She said, “I want you to have this”, and she took the scarf off from around her neck and lovingly wrapped it around mine. She then gave me a warm hug and off she went.

I will never forget that moment. I’ll never forget her kindness or her love expressed through a simple scarf. Her warm gesture spoke volumes. She was a great encouragement to me that day and my spirits were lifted. And I realized too that you never know who is watching over you and paying attention to detail. I cherish this scarf and wear it often as it is a reminder that heavenly love walks upon this earth.

I’ve heard that she’s passed away now and that makes me sad. I wish I knew more about her. It was a goal to meet her again and visit. But that’s another lesson for another day. Don’t put matters of the heart off for another day. What she did for me that day no words can adequately express. But God knows. And that’s most important of all. She was an angel sent to me when I needed her. I think of her every time I wear this scarf, yet it’s so much more than just a scarf. It’s love that keeps me warm. Thank you, Julie.

Be grateful for the simplest gestures of love, compassion, and encouragement. ♥️

Andi

My dad gave me a gift. The love of music. Early Saturday mornings, my brother, sister, and I would wake up EARLY to Here Comes the Sun, or Tommy, Can You Hear Me?. My father was one of those people who couldn’t stand for anyone to be in bed if he was up. Even if it was 6:30 am on a Saturday morning. So he’d crank his stereo up loud to make sure we could hear it.

But I grew to love his music. All kinds of music. Rod McKuen, Beatles, The Who, Roy Orbison, the Brothers Four, Johnny Mathis (my momma’s favorite), Gene Pitney, etc. But my overall favorite came later in life.

We were not close as a father and daughter should be. We struggled to have a decent relationship for all of my life. We loved each other but were just so opposite from one another. Simply put…we could not understand each other. It were as though we spoke different languages.

Dad decided to connect with our Italian roots (his mother’s side) and he bought a home in Italy. Along with his love for Italia, came his love for Andrea Bocelli. There in Italy we found our connection of hearts.

He shared with me Andrea Bocelli and I, too, fell in love with his voice. He brings me peace and fills my heart with love. My daughter, Charlie, surprised me one night last December and took me to his Christmas concert. I was so overwhelmed. I never in my life ever dreamed I’d see him. And it was beautiful. I may or may not have cried as he sang A Time to Say Goodbye. A song that made me miss my dad all the more.

My father shared his love music with me. And I am grateful for that. Even if it began as an early Saturday morning wake-up call. Music takes me places. It’s happiness. It’s sadness. It’s very much about love. It’s feeling free and independent. I remember exactly how I felt when I first heard every song. I’m never alone when I have music.

My go-to band is ultimately Keane. Sometimes Coldplay too. America is a forever favorite. Kevin Sharp is right there at the top as well. I have many artists and bands that bring me much happiness. I love the music from the 70’s and 80’s. But before and after those years are great as well. My kids grew up with classical music in our classroom. In the fall, I’d throw in some mountain music, especially with hammered dulcimers.

Dad allowed me to play his guitar when in high school. I gave it back when I got married. I have it with me once again since his passing. I have his ukulele as well.

My dad has been gone almost two years now. And what I wouldn’t give to have just one more song with him.

Music. It’s so good for my soul. It inspires me. It encourages me to feel every emotion. It soothes me and takes me back to yesterday and into the arms of people I have loved. ♥️

Andi

Originally posted on December 16, 2020

December 11, 2019: A FaceBook Memory

If you want something, or someone, and it’s good and it’s right, you won’t want to let it slip away. Life isn’t by chance, let the blocks fall as they may, or if it’s meant to be it’ll just happen. It’s about working toward, nurturing, and holding onto. One day you may wake up to find that that good and right thing is no longer there for you. An opportunity missed. Or, a love lost because someone else found the time to cherish it.

Be wise. Don’t procrastinate. Be grateful for opportunity. Cherish what is presented to you. Life. Is. Short. ♥️

Andi

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

I finished a devotional this morning about this particular Bible verse. Paul wrote this during his imprisonment. While many of us use this verse to validate that God will help us through any and all of our desires, this is not exactly what Paul is speaking of.

Yes, God is ever-present and willing to give strength. But the strength Paul is referring to is the strength to continue his work for God. This verse immediately follows verses 11 and 12 when he is talking about finding contentment through all of the trials he has been suffering. His strength came through God to where he was able to find contentment, even during the worst of human conditions, and to continue his ministry even when he was at his weakest.

Philippians 4:11
Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

Philippians 4:12
I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

Paul is an amazing example of trust and dedication to God. Many of us will not experience what Paul did. Being shipwrecked. Left for dead. Deserted. Imprisoned. But we certainly have very real situations where we might feel deserted, hunger, abandoned, hurt, confused, at a loss…etc.

God will strengthen us. He takes care of His own. He desires that we find contentment in all seasons of our life and to trust in Him as we seek His will.

We should be mindful of how we use scripture verses and not focus so much on what can they do for me, but what is His will for my life.

Have a blessed Sunday! ♥️

Andi

I’m just a little ole’ country girl from the middle of nowhere. I write because I have to get all this words out of my head before my head explodes. It’s like overfilling a balloon and having to let a little of that air out. That’s my head.

But truthfully I share things, sometimes hard things, that you might possibly relate to. Then you will know that you are not alone. That’s one thing I hate for anyone is for someone to feel alone in their trials and struggles. It’s my hope too that I can inspire you and lift you to a better place. And maybe I can even give you a laugh every once in awhile. Or, at least a smile.

But most of all, I hope I can help you to become closer to Jesus as I become closer to Him. It’s a journey that is very personal but we can certainly walk together, side-by-side and hand-in-hand, to encourage one another.

Thank you for stopping by Coffee with Andi and viewing my blog. I’m grateful for each view, each Like, each comment, and each message. I’m on Cloud Nine. Thank you. ♥️

Andi

When it comes to grammar, these three are the most troublesome for me: commas and the correct use of affect and effect. I’m sure you’ve maybe caught my mistakes/ misuse of these throughout my posts. All I can say is oops. 😬

Commas…if I think there should be a pause, I will stick in a comma. I’m not a comma scholar but I am aware that I have overused and misused commas. I am trying to tone down it down. Sorta. What can I say? I like commas.

If I read a sentence as though I am speaking to you directly and there is a pause in my speech, I will insert a comma. I just want my sentences to flow as though we are engaged in a verbal conversation. Maybe I am just a pauser. (Oh, yeah…I make up my own words too. If you haven’t already noticed.)

I am also an Oxford comma gal. I like that comma before the and in a series. You won’t change my mind so just enjoy that cute little extra black mark.

The correct usage of affect/ effect…well, you might just have to overlook this one and just pretend that I know what I’m doing. I’m never going to get it straight even though I know the rule.

I have a little story about those two words that still give my right eye a good twitchin’. I was almost thrown into Facebook Jail, or even kicked off Facebook. I didn’t let it get that far.

I had responded to a post. I believe it was political in nature but that’s not really so important. Well, maybe in a way it is. In my comment, I had misused affect/effect. I don’t even remember which I used. And I don’t care. But what I do care about is that a person who went by the name of Linda Flowers called me out on the misuse. She spoke nothing for or against my comment in relation to the post. Only my misuse of the word. I went back in and edited my comment. No worries. I was okay with that. But then she made another comment, laughing, that I corrected it. I responded that I would prefer to use the correct word so I changed it and added an LOL too. Well, it didn’t stop. This woman badgered me relentlessly. Comment after comment, senseless and stupid, about me being wrong and correcting the word. Absolutely nothing in relation to the post. Or, so I thought…

Finally, I realized that because of the nature of the post I commented on, she was there just to stir up trouble and push people to say or do things that would eventually get them in trouble. There’s a word for that and I finally used it. I called her a troll.

In a matter of minutes Facebook sent me an “important” message stating I was in violation of their terms and conditions and I was accused of bullying. Then I was asked if I wanted this incident investigated. I typed in yes. As soon as I hit send, immediately, I mean immediately, I received a message that stated an investigation was performed and I was guilty of bullying. I was not happy. I can’t remember whose arse I had to kiss to stay on Facebook but soon after that I downloaded all my data and permanently deleted my account. Life is stressful enough. I haven’t looked back even once.

Moving on…

I’ve also noticed that after I had Covid the first time, I have some stupid quirky writing issues. The most troubling is that I double words. I may write “and and” or “then then”, for example. It’s quite irritating to me and I have to be very mindful of that. Sometimes I do not notice until after I publish. (Of course.) I will edit on site, but sadly it’s too late for my email people. Please overlook. 😬

So I apologize for my grammatical errors which cause you grief. It’s not my intention to cause you any type of discomfort or to ruin your day. 😊

I hope your weekend is amazing and that you are blessed beyond measure. No matter what, though, always always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Still sitting here in the cold. Power is not expected to come on until this afternoon. The office does not have power either so I won’t be going there today.

It’s 60 degrees in my home. Windchill of 16 outside. The two little ones are running around unfazed that it’s cold in here.

I’m hoping (praying) that the outage didn’t take out any of my appliances. Especially my new fridge and dryer. For two plus hours we had a partial outage. I was unaware until 5:00 this morning. Now everything is completely out. Low voltage feeding the appliances can damage them I’ve been told.

At 5:00, my stove was beeping at me and when I looked at the digital clock and it spelled out the word “bad”. At least that’s what it looked like through sleepy eyes. It creeped me out so I unplugged that bad boy.

You never know what a day will bring. A phone call. A text. A letter in the mail. A power outage. Things can change in a second and alter your day, your plans, your life. Some things you can prepare for…like having a generator for an outage. Which I do not. Other things we have no control over.

So today let’s practice smiling. Smiling because we aren’t going to let a power outage get us down, even if it now means I have to work tomorrow, Saturday. Not really ideal for me because I have to alter my plans.

But today we will smile. At least try too, right? And I’ll be grateful for the many blessings that God has given me. I hear two little voices coming from the other room. What could be a more beautiful sound? I am blessed.

Sending you smiles to brighten your day. ♥️

Andi

Photos: Amber, my daughter, Charlie’s, beloved golden retriever.

***As soon as I was ready to publish, the power was restored. You just never know…🤦🏼‍♀️

Last night I felt like giving up. Actually, I still sorta feel that way this morning as I sit here in the dark. We are experiencing a power outage.

I’m talking about giving up on my new job. It’s much more extensive and complex than I believed when I accepted it. Not sure if it is for me.

But…God opened this door after much prayer. Was it opened so I could work on my health as I was in dire need of change? ✔️ Was it also opened to give me more free time to write? ✔️ Maybe both, perhaps. I believe so.

But this job! Is there more purpose to me being here? Because this a very difficult job as I am discovering and personally, I don’t think I’m the right one for it. I believe it should be someone younger who can grasp all the ins and outs quicker and more efficiently than me. Someone who can be here for many years because I won’t be. There are numerous deadlines to meet and constant fires to put out. I walked into a mess on top of it all.

Last night I broke down at the drive-thru teller’s window. Yes, I did. It had been a very long, difficult day and my deposit was short 12 cents. Twelve cents! And, of course, I never have change with me. So I had to bring the deposit back to the office. It’s not the first time. And I am embarrassed. I had a very obvious meltdown right there in the bank drive-thru.

So I am praying again about my situation. Praying that God shows me what more I need to see. Is there another door to open or does He feel my place is here? If so, I ask that He helps my brain to handle it all (because it certainly isn’t).

Once again I feel trapped and overwhelmed. It’s not fun working in places that make you cry. I feel I’m living the movie Groundhog Day. Over and over again. I’m going to be 62 soon. Is this what I should be doing in my life at this age? Where do I belong? I need perspective. And I need to know His will for my life. Why is everything so hard? What am I not learning?

These are my thoughts this morning. Regardless, I will walk back in the office this morning (a tissue in hand), grateful that I have a job. I will do my best. That’s all I can do. And…I will smile at the bank teller when I return with the corrected deposit. Again…

I hope your Friday is good. ♥️

Andi

Truth.

We do know that we will die at some point, yet how do we live? We live like there is no end in sight. That’s fine as long as we’ve found that hope in Jesus and live accordingly.

Live to make the world a better place. Love God first and foremost. Be kind. Love your neighbor. Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

My joy, my heart. ♥️

Two of my grand babies are here.

Tiny slippers in the hall along with daddy’s.

Sleeping babies, safe and sound.

Little voices greet me in the morning with sleepy eyes and hair that needs brushed. Sweet hugs and kisses complete my morning.

My joy, my heart. ♥️

Andi

I have a fever. A seriously high fever.
But, no…I don’t want any medication.

Don’t take my temp.

Don’t take me to the doctor.

Don’t feed my fever (starve a cold).

Don’t wrap me up and give me chicken soup.

Just take me outside so I can enjoy this beautiful day.

It’s the only way to treat spring fever. ♥️

Andi

My two favorite things. ♥️

Short and sweet! ♥️

Andi

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. ~ John Burroughs

Good Morning to my friends!

I have been writing here quite a bit lately and WordPress notifies me daily that I’m on a streak. I love it. I love sharing with you and I enjoy the comments and messages I receive. It’s wonderful.

I need to add one more line to the quote above: I still find each day too short for all the writings I want to write. With that being said, I have another area of writing that I’d like to focus on at the moment, therefore, my time here may be sporadic. I have some pressing life issues I need to address as well. Everything takes time and there seems to be a shortage of that as of late. Remember time doesn’t wait on anyone.

I will certainly post as I can. The posts may not be daily and might be shorter in length, to which some of you may find that a reason to rejoice. (Not mentioning any names…MH 😁)

If I could, I’d write 24/7 as this is my greatest passion. But I don’t have that luxury as I have a job and a few other things that require my attention. Such is life.

I just wanted to let you that I didn’t fall off the face of the earth. In case you wondered. 😊🌎

Have a blessed week! ♥️

Andi

When I say I am proud, I don’t mean to sound arrogant. I am proud of many things. I’m proud to say I’m an American. (Regardless of the current shameful condition of our county.) I’m proud of those who work diligently for the good of mankind. I’m proud of the accomplishments of others, especially those of my children. I’m proud to know (and to have known) certain people in my life.

It is my hope that I shared with my children how proud I was of them during their young years. I think it is really important for a child to grow up with acknowledgement of the good and positive things they do.

God speaks a lot on this subject of pride. It’s not shameful to be proud of certain things or people. That’s not the pride that God warns us of. He knows that pride can break the character of a good person. That’s why it needs to be in check.

Proverbs 16:18
Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:19
Better to live humbly with the poor than to share plunder with the proud.

I know a man who cannot say he is proud of anyone. Not even of his children. If he did, he would raising that person to a higher level, and this man needs to be at the top…by himself. It would be a slam to his ego. He wants people to look up to him, not in the eye. Maybe you know someone like this too. This is the type of pride that God warns of. Pride can destroy and isolate.

When we tell someone how proud we are of them we help them to see their potential. If I’m proud to know you then I am not ashamed of your character. You’ve shown the goodness of your heart.

I am proud of my children. They are good citizens. They know right from wrong. They are loving and devoted parents. They are trustworthy. Are they perfect? No. Have they done stupid stuff? Pretty sure that would be a YES! But when I run into someone in the community who knows one of my kids and has only good to say about him or her, well…I am proud.

Being proud is either a character builder (to others) or a character breaker (to oneself). That’s why we need to keep it in check. If you haven’t done a recent pride-check of yourself lately, maybe reflect on that. It’s never to late to change or improve our who we are.

One thing to remember is that nothing ever affects only us. Not even our character. There is always a trickle-down effect that reaches to those all around us. That is surely something to be mindful of.

Thanks for stopping by on this sunny Sunday. Enjoy this day as we head into a brand new week. Another new beginning. And always…always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: from my trip to Jamaica, 2016

During my years as a mom I have wondered how to explain the love I have for my children. I mean really explain it.

It’s so fascinating to me how life begins and grows. I have six children. Two from my first marriage and four with the second. And although they have similar traits, they are very different from each other. That amazes me.

As their school teacher, I knew that each had different interests, strengths, weaknesses, learning skills, and abilities. Therefore, each had to be approached a little differently to some degree. I often tried to fit them into one-size-fits-all classroom, but then one child (sometimes two) would end up being sent to their room. Which, by the way, was a little mini vacation for the defiant.

Each child needed to express themself in their own way. They needed my attention in varied ways too. (I will admit, sadly, I missed that mark much of the time.)

Throughout the years, my kids would ask me who my favorite child was. I always told them I do not have a favorite. I’d reiterate that each child is different and needed to be treated differently but I love them all the same.

Well, tonight I watched a movie called Two Weeks (2006) with Sally Field. She plays Anita, a mother who is dying. Her three sons and daughter stay with her for the two weeks before she passes.

The movie flashes back and forth between the present and a video her son, Keith, creates of him interviewing her. At one point, he asks his mom who her favorite child is and if it is his brother, Blake. She goes into a story about Blake. He did something that no one else would do. But she says he’s not her favorite.

Then she very lovingly and thoughtfully says…

I love you all equally but not the same.

And I found that to be a perfect response.

There’s nothing quite like the love of a mother. Since I’m not a father, I cannot speak on their behalf. But I do know how I feel. I love all my children unconditionally and equally…but differently. And this may be difficult to understand. I get it. Yet…it makes complete sense to me.

Maybe in the morning I will question this sentiment. But for tonight…

I love my children equally (and with all my heart) but not the same. ♥️

Andi

I am did not write this but thought it was worthy to share with you here. Have a blessed day! 😊

When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully.

When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light.

When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it.

When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway.

When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back.

When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some.

When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going.

When times are tough, dare to be tougher.

When love hurts you, dare to love again.

When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal.

When another is lost, dare to help them find the way.

When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand.

When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile.

When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too.

When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best.

Dare to be the best you can –

At all times, Dare to be!

~ Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

A new day. A new hour. A new minute. A new beginning. Dare to be the best you can be. ♥️

Andi

Photo credit: my son, Jet

Puzzles are intricate and they have to fit together precisely to create a complete picture. That’s how life is as well. All of the pieces, made of your life choices, decisions, dreams, goals, trials, etc., fit together to create the picture of your life.

Sometimes when we want something so badly, we try to to force a piece of someone else’s puzzle into our own. That just won’t work because every person has their own puzzle. Puzzles are as unique and individual as our fingerprints.

Comparing our life to someone else’s causes a great emptiness as our life drains of happiness.

The neighbor’s yard is greener.

A coworker’s life is easier.

Your friend has a more loving husband.

Your brother makes more money and has a nicer car.

So and so’s wife is in better shape, even after having children.

Your best friend’s kids are better behaved.

We end up unfulfilled and frustrated as we wish someone else’s life was ours.

Not one person has a “perfect” life and things aren’t always as they seem. But we are all blessed in numerous and unique ways and that is where our focus should be.

Your puzzle is a perfect puzzle because it’s your story, your life. ♥️

Andi

Time has a way of maintaining (and rekindling) relationships. Time isn’t always lost.

I am fortunate to have very close friends from my youth. Several friends, in fact. And I treasure each of them.

When I went to my 40th class reunions (I have two) about 3.5 years ago, I was able to reconnect with several friends. We hit it off as though there were not decades between our last visit. It was amazing and heartwarming. They are genuinely good people and I love them all.

I was able to spend time with these two girls, who meant the world to me when growing up. We lived in the same neighborhood in Waukegan, Illinois, and spent endless hours together. They are beautiful women.

We are still very close. We share grand baby pictures and pray for each. We always lift each other up. Oh, and we laugh…a lot.

I have been blessed beyond measure with the gift of friendship. I have friends sprinkled throughout the different eras of my life. They all showed up at times when I needed them most. Some have been present for almost 56 years.

Le Tre Amiche
The three friends. We will always be.

Reflect on the friendships in your life and pay close attention to the timing of when they entered your life. Maybe there was a rhyme and reason. I hope you can love and appreciate each of them. Friendships are gifts.♥️

Andi

Job 12:7-10
7 But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you;
8 or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you.
9 Which of all these does not know that the hand of the LORD has done this?
10 In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.

Job 37:14-16
14 Listen to this, Job; stop and consider God’s wonders.
15 Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes his lightning flash? 16 Do you know how the clouds hang poised, those wonders of him who has perfect knowledge?

Psalm 96:11,12
11 Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it.
12 Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.

Just a pleasant thought to end this day. ♥️

Andi

Photos: a robin that sat next to me; Lake Michigan (Pointe Betsie Lighthouse); clouds behind my house; Grandpa and two of his grandchildren, Ezekiel and Mattea

A New Day

A new day
bright, sunny
enlightening

A new bond
friendship, peace
sharing

A new outlook
hopeful, promise
forgiving

A new view
reminiscent, reflecting
learning

A new dream
excited, youthful,
yearning

A new lifestyle
optimistic, positive
healing

A new heart
grateful, true,
loving

I wrote this poem on March 8, 2015.

Pictures are from our walk yesterday. A beautiful day to be outside.

Hope your Monday was good and that you enjoy a new day tomorrow! ♥️

Andi

Tick…Tock…

The clock never stops…

I was watching Dr. Phil this afternoon when I fell asleep. As I started to wake up I heard him in the background talk about the hours in a person’s life. It got me to thinking about my hours. Time spent and time left. So I did some figuring.

Say I live until I’m 80 years old. That means on my 62nd birthday, I will have 157,248 hours left in my remaining 936 weeks. That really doesn’t seem like much, does it?

If I count backwards 936 weeks, it takes me back to age 44. That was not so long ago. It certainly put things in perspective.

Life is so short. Time doesn’t stand still for you or me. We should do our absolute best to fill our precious hours and weeks and years with love. Love for our families, our friends, and those in our communities. And we should try to make this world a better place. At least in our little corner of it.

Let’s spend our time wisely and live life fully. Not selfishly, but with a giving and grateful heart. ♥️

Andi

…that Jesus is with you ALL the time…

Would you….

Do the things you do?

Say the things you say?

Work the way you work?

Teach the way you teach?

Live the way you live?

Would you?

After the fact, I usually realize what I’ve done. Then I thank God for His patience as I work to do better next time.

(Shhhh….I mess up a lot. 😳)

I hope your weekend has been great so far. Thank you for reading my many posts of late. I sure appreciate you! ♥️

Andi

This is in reference to my recent post called Toxic Relationships. I actually took this from a comment shared on that post.

The comment: “Sometimes it seems to be more difficult to walk away than stay.”

What do we do when it seems easier to stay in a toxic relationship than leave?

For one, maybe you shouldn’t leave. I’m not suggesting that leaving is the one-size-fits-all answer to a toxic relationship, especially in a marriage. Remember: God desires that marriage remains intact.

Are you fearful? If so, why?

I believe fear is a factor in choosing to stay or go, and it can even interfere with seeking help. Fear of retaliation. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. These are all very real scenarios.

If the fear is related to retaliation, or any type of abuse, then that needs to be addressed differently, cautiously, and wisely. And that is above my pay grade. Seeking help would be a priority.

But if you are simply afraid of taking steps and making changes then maybe you need to take some time to really think about this. Fear keeps us from taking chances. From healing. From moving forward in life. Fear keeps us from living.

I have been fearful all my life. I look back with much regret of things I missed out on because fear prevented me from doing so much. Fear of driving anywhere that was a distance away. Fear of going away to college. Fear of trying new things. Fear of doing things on my own. Fear, fear, fear.

But now that I’ve starting letting go of fear, life is opening up to me in so many ways and is much more exciting. Everyday is new.

Getting help to sort things out is always a good idea. Talking with a bestie, a church counselor, a therapist. Someone trustworthy. I chose God. He doesn’t disappoint.

Sometimes we just can’t see the whole picture because we are standing in it. ~Andi

Don’t let fear rule your life. But be smart. This isn’t just about toxic relationships. This is about living life to the fullest.

Have a wonderful weekend! ♥️

Andi

The Parable of the Hidden Treasure

Matthew 13:44
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

Jesus spoke in parables so we can better understand heavenly concepts by means of earthly descriptions that we can easily relate to.

I understand the meaning of this parable. This man surrenders his life to own this treasure, his salvation.

Have you ever really thought about this parable though? It’s sounds so simple but yet it is really very big and important. Where is your treasure? Is it here on earth? Buried and hidden? Or, is your treasure invested in Heaven?

But let’s take this thought a step further.

When God blesses you with a gift, how far will you take it? Do you simply cover it up and rejoice that you found it? Do you take ownership of gift? Do you invest in it and share with others? Do you buy the whole field. Or, do you just mark the place where it’s buried and unbury it periodically to look at it?

Each one of us has a gift, a talent. What is yours? Once you discover it, don’t bury it. Don’t keep it all to yourself. Sharing that gift is a blessing to both you and its recipient. ♥️

Andi

Photos of my pirate’s treasures from my 40th Class Reunion. 🙂

I have learned so many life lessons and I certainly relate to how many older people are more patient and understanding than they were in their youth. I find myself much more tolerant and slower to speak than I was just 10 years ago.

Not that I am tolerant of things that God finds intolerant. There is no compromising with God. But I am not as judgmental or accusing or vocal as I once was concerning other’s life decisions. I hope that at 61, I am a kinder, more gentler person.

Is it because I’m tired? Or, is it because I’ve learned over the years about what is or isn’t important? Maybe a little of both. Choosing battles.

Who am I to say what is best for you? I could suggest a better workout routine, wiser food choices, advice on child-rearing, or share my thoughts on your love life. But who am I to suggest that I know what works best for you or your children, or that the love in your life is totally wrong for you?

Yes, I do know it would be different if you were being hurt in some way. By all means, I will step in. But what gives me the right to hound you to see my way when I, myself, am so far from perfect and I am still a student of life?

Regretfully, I’ve lost a few good things in my life because I listened to others. I’ve lost people and time. I was once weak like that. I allowed others to sway my decisions. Decisions I can no longer take back, or get back.

So when I feel the urge to step in, I take a step back first and think about it. Will I be received as friendly, helpful, and appreciated, or could it possibly escalate into a confrontation because the other may feel I’ve put them on the defensive? If so, it’s about choosing a battle wisely. The same goes when I have a personal issue with another. Is it worth a possible battle and hurting a relationship?

But be aware, I do come with a warning label. If I am asked for my thoughts and opinions, I will be straightforward and respond accordingly…whether it goes meshes with your way of thinking or not. 😉

Choosing battles. Sometimes its more about us being right than true concern for the other. Battles come and go so it’s not about the fight. It’s not about being right. Life is about loving one another. Choose wisely. ♥️

Andi

Make sure you’re not saying “It’s complicated” when it’s actually TOXIC. The more words it takes you to explain your relationship, the less healthy it probably is. ~ Steve Maraboli

I’ve been there. When anyone asked how my marriage was I used wordy sentences to make people believe it was a great marriage. I did not want anyone to know the truths about my family. It worked with some people and for awhile. But the truth always has a way of making itself known. And honestly, I was living in denial for quite a few years. The truth was I married a man that 100% of my family and friends were against me marrying. I didn’t listen. And I didn’t want them to see that I did make a mistake and that they were all right all along.

The other truth was our family was struggling on many levels. The dysfunction was pretty massive. I didn’t even realize the full extent of the damage until after the divorce. My efforts to convince others that our family life was picture perfect helped no one. In fact, it only delayed the inevitable and increased the pain that was suffered.

Just because I wanted that perfectness so badly, I could not wish it to happen. Toxic is toxic. You can’t change that. Not by yourself anyway. It’s best just to admit it and do what’s necessary so further damage can be stopped and healing can begin.

I made a decision to marry a man that I had no business marrying. But out of that marriage came the most beautiful children and now, precious grandchildren. God still blessed me even when I was wrong. That doesn’t mean we don’t suffer still from my wrong choices. And when I say we, I mean that my children are also greatly affected by my decisions. Do not be fooled that your choices have no affect on others. They absolutely do.

Listen to what you are saying to others. If it takes work to convince others that your life is perfectly fine, then it probably isn’t. If it takes a lot of wordy sentences to appease others, you are only trying to convince yourself. Acknowledge toxicity when it is clearly present and seek guidance or some type of help.

I’m not suggesting to run out and get a divorce or walk away from a friend. Seek that help first. In my situation, help was sought but it takes two to make it work. God wants marriage to work. It’s best that they do for the health of our families and our community.

Thanks for sharing a cup of coffee with me this morning! May your day be happy and bright! ♥️

Andi

The blanket is itchy and scratchy as it is made of wool. It’s not large enough to keep my whole body warm so I have to choose between feet or arms. This blanket seems more like an inconvenience than anything. But, it’s not. And I will keep this blanket forever.

This blanket has been in my family since my mom worked for Montgomery Wards in the mid 1970’s. I remember it all through my growing up years. It was either draped over the back of the couch or my grandfather’s old rocking chair. This blanket represents my family. Each one of them found comfort and warmth beneath it.

I received this blanket after my mom passed. And I will continue to treasure it with all my heart. I’m glad it found its way to my home. ♥️

Andi

When Chelle was just a little girl, she ran through her yard singing out “Andrea! Andrea!” She said it was her favorite name.

We lived hours apart and in different states. It wasn’t until my father was transferred to the town where she lived that we finally met. It was the fall of 1977, the beginning of my junior year in high school and her sophomore year. Once we met that was the beginning of our beautiful friendship. She was excited that her Andrea turned out to be me, and I felt honored to be a part of her childhood story.

We got married a year apart and then we began our families together. Our lives were very intertwined. We moved through the years with difficult parents and husbands, childhood illnesses, shared recipes, school days, silly kids, teenage antics, so much laughter, our many phone calls and treasured weekends away, marriages, divorce….and the death of a child. We lived life fully and together.

Chelle passed away suddenly and quietly in her sleep on November 1, 2016, at 54 years old. I know she wasn’t ready to leave. She would have wanted closure for us who were left behind. She knew first hand the pain of not having closure with the tragic death of her son. Plus, we were both on cloud nine that we were finally going to be grandmas together. She was not ready to go. But we just never know when our time here ends, do we?

“Your wings were ready, but my heart was not.”

Pink roses are on my table in a birthday celebration of the life of my beautiful Chelle, and with gratefulness for the little girl who called me here to be her friend. 🌷🌷

Andi

Judas Iscariot went to the chief priests and asked what he would receive in payment if he turned Jesus in to them. They paid him thirty pieces of silver.

At the Passover meal, Judas knew that by dipping his hand in the bowl with Jesus, he was the one who would betray Him and yet Judas still completed the task.

How does one do that? How was Judas still able to go through with it? Was there no shame, no conscience?

Do we do the same in our daily living? Do we betray those we love? Do we betray Jesus?

Jesus knows our heart. He also knows every decision we are confronted with and He knows how we weigh every decision. Some decisions we make might be out of greed or selfishness. We choose to serve ourself over others or God, instead of doing right things. Have you ever dipped in the bowl with Jesus and then betrayed Him in some manner? I probably have a time or two. Or, more like fifteen hundred times.

These are questions I am pondering this morning.

Matthew 26:14-25

14 Then one of the twelve, whose name was Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests

15 and said, “What will you give me if I deliver him over to you?” And they paid him thirty pieces of silver.

16 And from that moment he sought an opportunity to betray him.

17 Now on the first day of Unleavened Bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Where will you have us prepare for you to eat the Passover?”

18 He said, “Go into the city to a certain man and say to him, ‘The Teacher says, My time is at hand. I will keep the Passover at your house with my disciples.”’

19 And the disciples did as Jesus had directed them, and they prepared the Passover.

20 When it was evening, he reclined at table with the twelve.

21 And as they were eating, he said, “Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”

22 And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, “Is it I, Lord?”

23 He answered, “He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me will betray me.

24 The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.”

25 Judas, who would betray him, answered, “Is it I, Rabbi?” He said to him, “You have said so.”

Live a life that glorifies Jesus and lift others above yourself. Always, always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Even though today was a gorgeous snowy day, I do miss the warmth of the summer sun. Sending you a sweet reminder that winter isn’t forever.

Spring will be here before you know it! ♥️

Andi

I made some big life decisions this year. I couldn’t do this before because I viewed myself as being selfish for even having these thoughts. But if I do not take care of myself, there is no way I can help you. This is not selfishness. It took decades to realize this even though I preached it. But this year, I am accomplishing this feat. I am putting myself first.

The Bible speaks of loving your neighbor as yourself. Self love comes first. How do you love yourself? Do you even love yourself? Do you come first?

I’m an introvert. I do have this desire to be with others at times, but it is typically short-lived. Then I need to be by myself to regroup. I need quiet, alone time to refuel and energize before the next gathering. It took a long time for me to recognize that this is what I need for me to be healthy.

When I worked for insurance for the past two years, I sat in front of three monitors and a phone. It was nonstop people issues. And of course, I had coworkers I associated with as well, and even though I love them dearly, I had to interact with them. I cannot explain to you fully just how that job depleted me and the damage it did to my body, my mind, and my spirit.

When I got home, I would be so drained that I would sit in my car, in the garage (engine off), and try to calm down before entering my home of children and dogs and sometimes grandchildren. There wasn’t enough time in the garage to accomplish that though. I never caught up. I avoided talking to any and all of my kids on the phone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I simply did not have the energy. I was spent. And two years of that cost me big time. My very life was at stake.

So at the end of 2022, after stressing my body even more by eating holiday treats on top of the stress of my job, I ended up face down when I hit rock bottom. That’s about as low as you can get. There was no one here to save me. No knight in shining armor. I realized the only thing I could do was to call on Jesus to pick me up. And He did.

Now my peace comes before all else. I am very protective of me and my needs. Whatever that requires, I do…and regardless if anyone else understands.

I feel better about myself. I feel healthier and stronger. And a little bit wiser too.

Take care of yourself. There is no other you here on this earth. And you are so special. So when the plane of your life is taking a steep nose dive, take that oxygen first so you can help the person next to you. It’s not selfish. ♥️

Andi

Do you have dreams? Ambitions? Goals? How are you doing on making them reality? Me…I got plenty of those swirling around in this crazy head of mine. But I’m not fairing so well on making them reality. It’s not but my own fault though. Not blaming anything or anyone but myself.

Just as we find a way to justify anything we do (right or wrong), in the same breath we make excuses for why we cannot move forward and make things happen.

Here are a few excuses I’ve used for my hesitation on making dreams come true, and even for simple chores that require my attention. What are your excuses?

Timing just isn’t right.

I need to make a more money.

I’ll wait until the weekend.

I lost my inspiration.

Next year would be better. Yes, definitely next year.

When I lose weight.

I can’t.

When I get in shape.

I need a husband.

It’s too cold.

Next long weekend. I’ll do it then.

Rough day.

My head isn’t in the game.

I’m really tired.

I can’t.

Lost my inspiration.

I deserve to have some time off.

I can’t think.

Maybe in the fall.

I just can’t.

We can justify and rationalize anything we do that borders on being wrong. We can talk ourselves (and often others) into most anything.

But maybe, just maybe, the only thing holding us back is simply our own mind.

The mind is one of the most powerful gifts bestowed upon us humans. Most of us don’t tap into the possibilities. It is powerful enough to make us or break us.

Hopefully, we quit bridling the mind and let it work as it was designed. And then give God the glory.

This year is the year of change. I’ve already begun my new journey and I’m really happy so far…even with this glitch of illness right now. I’m still moving forward. I’m going to do my best to unbridle this mind of mine and stop binding it with “I can’t”.

I hope you allow your mind to open up wonderful opportunities for your life. Accomplish great things in 2023! ♥️

Andi

Who is the right one? Is there such a person?

I’ve spent a lot of time over the years wondering who is the right one for me. After my divorce a decade ago, I was hell-bent on finding that one right person to complete me. To be my companion, confidant, soul mate.

I jumped into dating with both feet before taking any time to heal, of which I had much to do. Truthfully, I had no clue whatsoever how to be happy with myself or by myself. I thought I needed someone to make me happy.

I learned a lot from the dating scene. A lot of bad and some good. I did make several good friends. What I learned though is that the men are just as messed up as I am. I don’t mean that in a bad way. What I mean is that we all have this amazing amount of baggage. We carry with us all the hurt and pain from previous relationships. Our spirits are broken. Our trust, shattered. We truly are a broken people. And we are all super lonely. We want someone to walk into our life and make all the hurt go away…and for that new person to make us happy. You know…the right one.

So how does a broken person find the right broken person?

Well, it’s taken me forever to figure this out. But I have successfully figured it out. Now.

First, you pray about it hard. If you are honest, sincere, and open to God’s wisdom, He will show you that it’s not about finding the right person. It’s about becoming the right person. And becoming the right person isn’t necessarily about becoming the right person for someone else. It’s about becoming the right person for God.

Let God fill in the blanks as He sees fit. Once you realize that with God you are complete, the craving to find that Mr. or Mrs. Right isn’t as strong anymore. God knows what I need and want. But if it’s not in His plan, it’s not gonna be as happy as I might think or wish.

Right now, I’m going through a major refining. I am so grateful for another chance to hopefully get it right.

So who is the right one?

You are.

Get to know yourself. Get to know God. Let Him fill in the blanks…if there are any. ♥️

Andi

I bought a Roku last month and am enjoying TV in my room. What I like most are the old programs that I have access to. You know like Johnny Carson, Love Boat, Family Affair, The Donna Reed Show, The Odd Couple (Tony Randall and Jack Klugman), even shows like The Rifleman. I’m still discovering programs everyday and I’ve had the time lately with being sick. Today I found Taxi.

I remember my dad laughing hard at this show. Reverend Jim and Louie. Not to mention Latka and his funny foreign language. I don’t think I’ve seen it since I last watched it with Dad. It’s a bittersweet moment. This made me think of other moments. You know how my busy mind travels. Times spent together and times that weren’t spent together…but should have been. Times that should have been a priority.

I recall when I told my dad that I was getting married (the second time). He asked when and where. Surprised, I asked him, “Are you coming to my wedding?”

“I go to all your weddings!”

He made me a priority.

Back in December of 2017, Dad asked me to meet the family at a cabin near Asheville, NC for Christmas. It was actually a week or two before Christmas. At the time I worked for a florist. It wasn’t just your ordinary “sell flowers” florist. No, we had a huge showroom of merchandise. It was a beautiful store especially at Christmas. So, of course, I didn’t think I could go. And I was afraid to ask my boss. So I didn’t. I was barely able to go to my mom’s when she passed two years prior. I was only able to take a long weekend. Things weren’t always fair there. Not for me anyway.

My family went to the cabin. They had a great time and actually got snowed in. They sent me pictures that I treasure. It was a beautiful cabin in the woods. That was an opportunity to be with my whole family and I missed it. And that was the last opportunity to be altogether before my brother’s marriage dissolved and my dad passed.

Priorities.

Do I remember what took place at the florist shop during those Christmas shopping days while my family was snowed in a beautiful cabin together? No. I do not recall a single second. But I do know what I missed by not being with my family.

Regret. Regret is not easy to live with.

All I can say is it won’t happen again. If I need to be somewhere, somewhere is where I’ll be.

It’s too bad that we often learn lessons too late. But there will be places I need to be in my life yet, and I will be there.

Young people, please learn from some of my life lessons without having to experience them all yourself.

I hope you recognize things of high priority in your life. If it centers around people you love, that’s a clue that it is. No one has a promise of tomorrow and you cannot get those opportunities back. ♥️

Andi

Have you ever done quirky things to ward off bad things happening to you?

I’m not a superstitious person, but maybe I am tad OCD on occasion.

According to the Mayo Clinic:
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) features a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). These obsessions and compulsions interfere with daily activities and cause significant distress. You may try to ignore or stop your obsessions, but that only increases your distress and anxiety. Ultimately, you feel driven to perform compulsive acts to try to ease your stress.

I guess the one thing that stands out for me is in making my bed first thing in the morning. The lines of the quilt bedspread must be completely straight and the quilted shams have to be set with the orange and teal corner on the bottom right. But it’s not so much the bed details as it is the blanket that is neatly folded at the foot of it.

The blanket belonged to my mom and I have a particular way of folding it and if it is uneven in the slightest, I somehow imagine the rest of my day will be off. Not necessarily a bad day. Just an off day. So I will refold it, again and again if necessary, until it comes out right. Having this blanket folded incorrectly increases my anxiety.

Maybe I’m cured now that I shared this with all the world. Maybe not.

But this post isn’t about my obsessive habit. It’s about superstition. The two are different but can almost seem related.

I did only very little research on this and it seems that OCD requires a ritualistic approach to reach an outcome. Like me folding and refolding a blanket. Superstition is luck related and not because of a repetitive ritual to achieve an outcome. If this makes any sense. Sometimes superstition can cross the line and evolve into an OCD habit. Anyway, I’m not a doctor, I just did a quick read.

Once-upon-a-time, I was married to a man who was very superstitious. It was rather annoying. I never thought of it as a cuteness at all. Only annoying.

In the very early morning of our wedding day, while it was still dark, in the middle of January, he took a lit candle to the cemetery to his grandfather’s grave. This was to get his grandfather’s approval. Whatever. But the candle blew out when he got to the grave. Then he slipped on the ice and fell to the ground. Not sure why he still married me.

The morning after our wedding we hit two deer. Yes, we did.

I jinxed many conversations by being assertive and not using the word “hopefully” to smooth things out. He was always on me about that one.

But the most annoying of his superstition-ness was the knocking on wood. Constantly. It was so bad that we would be driving and I’d say something (should have just kept my mouth shut) and he’d pull the car over and I’d have to get out and find wood to knock on. Once, after church, in the middle of winter, and me in a dress, he stopped along the road and made me get out. I had to trudge through the deep snow in a ditch to get to a wooden fence post to knock on it. I learned after that one. I put a piece of wood in the glovebox.

Superstition can certainly be overwhelming as one tries to cover all the bases so their life won’t be jinxed in some way.

For me, I think I’ll just go to God. Even bad things happen to good people. That’s just life here in an unfair and sinful world. But that doesn’t mean we are jinxed. Maybe we have lessons to learn. You know I’m all about learning lessons.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Have a great day! ♥️

Andi

Selah. A word which ends verses in the book of Psalms. Since Psalms means songs, Selah could have been a musical point of pause. There are several thoughts on its true meaning, as I discovered. Regardless, I have always been attracted to this word. Selah.

Pause.

Breathe.

Silence.

Lift up.

Exalt.

Forever.

Whatever Selah actually means, the suggestions here are all perfect. I personally love the thought of pausing to breathe. To stop life for a moment and just be…giving gratitude to the One who gives me breath. When you pause for a moment, I hope you recall the beautiful word Selah.

Selah. ♥️

Andi

I cannot believe I’ve been writing this blog for three years! Who knew I had so much to say?!

If this was my real job, I’d be in heaven, juss sayin’.

But if I didn’t have readers it certainly wouldn’t be much fun. I appreciate YOU! Thank you for being here and reading my stuff. And for still coming back! Thank you for the private messages that encourage me. Thank you for sharing how something I’ve written has inspired you. I love connecting with you. ♥️

So here’s to another 3 years! Or, more!

C H E E R S !

Andi

We really don’t truly appreciate our health until we don’t have it. I was taught this lesson twice so far this year.

So during the holidays, the severity of my unhealthy lifestyle hit me hard. We typically never have sweets in this house but that’s not all I need to avoid. And I know this. Call me stressed or depressed, or a little of both, but I could not emotionally handle my health.

I realized this yet sometimes when you are so low, you selfishly do not care. I no longer cared much about what was in my fridge or pantry. I didn’t care if I stopped for fast food sometimes 3 times a week. I didn’t care if I was here in two years. Health takes work and I was spent.

What we eat directly affects our brain. The more unhappy and depressed the gut is, the more unhappy the brain becomes. The more unhappy the brain is, the more we don’t care what goes into our gut. We actually crave what causes depression. It’s a vicious circle with no end…unless you find a way to break through it. I was only to break through it with God’s help. And that is the absolute truth. The gut is sometimes referred to as the second brain. The two are definitely connected.

I fell to the bottom of the barrel on New Year’s Eve. Another night full of food and drinks that my body cannot handle. I was so miserable. Again. Sometimes I wondered if this was some sort of self-torture or self-abuse. Did I hate myself that much? Was I angry with my with my life? I knew with every bite and drink I took that I was feeding my gut things that it cannot handle. No one’s fault but my own. Anyway, I finally reached the point where I wanted to unzip this unhealthy body suit and step out of it. I felt claustrophobic. Trapped. Smothered. Unable to move. Unable to breathe. I needed to get out of that suit before it became a body bag.

I’ve struggled with a very unhealthy gut all my life. I never found the key to fixing it until now. After much prayer, God gave me strength to try again. So after New Years Day, I decided not eat a single thing that irritated my gut. Nothing goes into my mouth that causes even the slightest of irritation. Instantly, I found such relief. My gut is happy. My brain is happy. I’m happy. My body is rejoicing. Has it been hard to walk away from all that is bad for me? No, surprisingly, it has been very easy. I have not messed up or given in, not even a single time, since I made this decision to save myself. And that’s what it boils down to…saving myself. I know what good feels like compared to the bad. I want the good. I want to be here.

I have a long road of healing ahead of me. But I’m good with that. The extreme change of how I felt between December and now has made all the difference in the world. I think clearer. I’m excited for the future. I’m making plans again. I got my life back. And I want to be here in two years. And two years after that. I have good, unselfish reasons to be here. And I thank God.

Then the second round of realty hit me last Thursday. I got really sick. It had all the earmarks of being a typical flu only worse. The headache was the worst. I was blindsided as this hit me so fast and hard. Finally, I started getting better. No fever for two days. No chills or body aches. Standing up though causes shortness of breath so I am watching this carefully. But yesterday I completely lost my sense of smell and taste. Both 100% gone. (This makes me very angry. I have my personal thoughts about this.) Anyway…

I get up and do things and sit when I get winded. I’m diffusing essential oregano oil to help heal my lungs if there is an issue even though I do not have a cough. But today I feel great. Again…I am able compare healthy to unhealthy. I’ve decided I want to be healthy.

Health is a decision. Like anything else in our life it has to be decided upon and action taken. I’m grateful that God has given another second chance to get this right. I can’t serve Him or anyone in such an unhealthy state. Regaining health will allow me to live life more fully with less distraction. I’m so looking forward to the future. I only hope my senses return because this really stinks (if I could smell it).

Whatever you do not change, you choose.

I choose life.

Find your health. Feed both your mind and body good and healthy things. God’s design of the human body beautifully connects these two perfectly for a reason. ♥️

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Andi

When I witness the goodwill of others, I see YOU.

When I look up into the beauty of the ever-changing sky, I see YOU, in all your glory.

Once when at the airport, I witnessed two young girls meet for the first time, both from very different backgrounds and heritage, and they loved on each other without judgement, prejudice, or divide, I saw YOU.

When I opened my blinds this morning and saw a world of white, I rejoiced at the beauty, and I saw YOU.

I see YOU in the faces of the people you have strategically placed in my life, and I am grateful.

When my little man, Jack, looks up to me in the sweetest of innocence and calls me Gamma Shark, because he cannot pronounce my name, I see YOU.

When I watch and listen to my children as they interact with each other, I see YOU.

When I ask for help and you unlock doors, I see YOU.

When a girlfriend texts to see how I am doing and then drops off a bag of flu meds and a can of chicken soup, I see YOU.

I see YOU in planted fields as you water and care for them.

When I don’t know how I’m going to make this paycheck cover until the next…but always manage…I see YOU.

When I walk on a beaten pathway, away from the busyness of life, I see YOU, in all of your creation.

Standing on the coast of Maine, feeling the power of the waves as they beat against the rocks, I see YOU.

I see YOU when sky is darkened in anger and when it is a crisp, crystal blue.

I see YOU in every change of season and in every sunrise and sunset.

When my Nyx won’t leave my side because she knows I’m ill, I see YOU.

I see YOU in everyday. In the good days and in the bad.

And in my darkest hours, when there is no one to comfort me, I see YOU.

God is ever-present. He’s here and there. Everywhere. He’s in the whisper of the wind, and in every snowflake that alights on your eyelashes. You cannot miss God. His presence is bold and it is beautiful.

Psalm 97

1 The Lord reigns, let the earth rejoice; let the many coastlands be glad!

2 Clouds and thick darkness are all around him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.

3 Fire goes before him and burns up his adversaries all around.

4 His lightnings light up the world; the earth sees and trembles.

5 The mountains melt like wax before the Lord, before the Lord of all the earth.

6 The heavens proclaim his righteousness, and all the peoples see his glory.

7 All worshipers of images are put to shame, who make their boast in worthless idols; worship him, all you gods!

8 Zion hears and is glad, and the daughters of Judah rejoice, because of your judgments, O Lord.

9 For you, O Lord, are most high over all the earth; you are exalted far above all gods.

10 O you who love the Lord, hate evil. He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

11 Light is sown for the righteous, and joy for the upright in heart.

12 Rejoice in the Lord, O you righteous, and give thanks to his holy name!

Have a blessed day. Be safe, warm, and healthy. ♥️

Andi

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. ~ Aristotle

Friendships, like family, can be difficult at times. But as with family, even through difficult times, love remains.

I used to think that it takes two to make a friendship, but I have another take on that. If someone chooses not to be my friend for whatever reason, I can still choose to be a friend to that person because I care.

If you’ve ever had a bestest best friend in your life you are blessed. If you’ve had more than one true friend, you are very blessed. I am very blessed.

If I had a flower 🌹 for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever. ~ Alfred Tennyson

I hope my friends know just how much I love them. I wouldn’t trade the friends I have in my life for all the chocolate in the world. I mean, money.

It wasn’t always that way though. In my younger years I was burnt on occasion by individuals who disregarded the sanctity of the friendship bond and broke trusts. I’m sure you can relate. Those friends were self-serving with no idea of what friendship means. I carried those pains with me over the years only to realize as I got older, that they themselves were the ones injured and suffering. Not because of anything I did so I can’t take it personal. Once in awhile, I run into one of those former friends and I embrace her. I no longer feel the hurt. Some say I forgive and forget too easily. Personally, I think it’s what we are supposed to do.

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for. ~ Bob Marley

Friendships are one of the greatest gifts on this earth. I hope you have a couple of really great people in your life. People who you can depend on with mutual respect and trust.

I think if I’ve learned anything about friendship, it’s to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away, don’t be distracted, don’t be too busy or tired, don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff. ~ Jon Katz

Have a wonderful weekend. Maybe a great weekend shared with a friend or two. ♥️

Andi

I wanted to post pictures of my closest of friends but I don’t have pictures of all of them. So I didn’t. I have both male and female friends who are very close to me. I am truly blessed. ♥️

“Don’t lose the GOOD in search of the PERFECT.” – unknown

We are so busy searching for the perfect in our jobs, our hobbies, our sports, etc., that we overlook all the good in our everyday lives. All those beautiful things that are right under our nose and in plain sight.

The good in life is found all around us and in innumerable ways.

in raising your children
drying tears and kissing boo-boos
by helping those in need
loving your spouse
beautiful weddings
happy graduations
kitchen dancing with your daughters
holding a loved one’s hand
birth of a child
baby’s first steps
in pillow talks
coffee with friends

the Fourth of July
Thanksgiving
Christmas

picnics and reunions
family movie nights
gardening
t-ball games
autumn walks
camping
and is found in all of nature

We have an altered concept of what the perfect is and that concept truly isn’t tangible. It’s like dangling a carrot before a horse. We will never be able to reach that which we falsely believe to be the perfect. There will always be more and more that we want or need. We will never be filled or satisfied.

At the end of life, I honestly believe we will realize we had the perfect all along.

I’m not suggesting to toss dreams off to the side. I am suggesting though that you enjoy every single minute of the journey.

Because that’s where the true perfect is. ♥️

Andi

When I was struggling with my fear and doubt, I came across two things. These two things were my inspiration for the posts on fear.

First, I decided to look at a coloring page that my granddaughter, Belle, had given to me. She likes to roll her artwork into a scroll and stick them in places around the house. This one she gave to me but I hadn’t unrolled it yet. I laid it on a shelf in my closet. I don’t recall the reason why I didn’t look at it earlier. But I see it’s purpose now.

Secondly, later in the day I poured myself a cup of tea. The teabag has a little quote attached to it:

When fear is forcing you to give up, call upon your heart’s courage to continue.

These were little, subtle hints that I needed to reevaluate the way my life was going. Then I decided to write those posts about fear using these pictures. But once I got started writing, I got caught up in other thoughts and completely forget about these two things. So here they are.

I know I shared a lot in those posts. Maybe the posts are more than some of you care to read. That’s okay. This blog is my ongoing story and legacy to leave to my children and grandchildren. But perhaps something written helped another who is struggling with fear or with their personal relationship with God. It’s all good. Take away what you’d like. Leave the rest.

Have a great weekend. ♥️

Andi

Part Two

Choosing God Over Fear

Honestly, I have spent my entire life being scared. Scared of being around other people. Scared of people not liking me. Scared to make decisions or stepping outside the box. Scared of saying or doing anything that would give others opportunity to talk about me. Scared of all the what ifs…things that never happen anyway. Scared of the news. Scared of change. Scared, scared, scared….

These are the fears that tend to paralyze me. These are the fears that keep me from taking chances. They keep me from living. The worst of all fears. Well, other than hell.

Having a list of life goals and being too afraid to do what is necessary to make them reality only leads to regret. When I’m on my deathbed I don’t want the thoughts of I could of, should of, to be the last thing on my mind.

So…I replaced fear with trust in God.

I prayed that He lead me. That He would show me the path I needed to take in order to heal and grow stronger. I needed time for me otherwise there would be no more me.

First of all, I knew I needed change jobs. I had been discouraged since I started working there but I was too afraid to make the decision to actually leave. I was afraid to add another wrong decision to my lengthy Bad Decision list.

FEAR…

Everyone would tell me I was great at work and that I treated people with kindness. But the stress, combined with sitting all day long, was hard on me. It depleted me to the point where my health, both physically and mentally, deteriorated pretty rapidly. I prayed hard for direction because my life had become dark and I felt absolutely hopeless.

After several months of prayer, God finally answered. Actually, I shouldn’t use the word finally. He wasn’t late. God answered in His time, not mine. And I understand why now. I had to completely submit.

God opened a new door and I trusted Him enough to walk through it. After two years, I finally left that job for another. Now I make my own hours and I have much more free time. I took a cut in pay but I also work less hours. Time I needed. And I don’t mean that in a selfish way.

But I was soon to find out that God wasn’t done with me yet. I still had more to learn.

You see…I started to doubt. What caused my doubt? Fear. When God opens a door for you, do not doubt. It means you do not trust Him completely. I had difficulty that first month adjusting to working less hours. I was used to working 8-5, Monday thru Friday. Can you believe I actually felt guilt for not working full time? Doubt.

The girls at my old job all received big raises as soon as I left due to the company merging with another. Did I do the right thing? The girls, especially one, had to take my workload on top of their already heavy responsibilities. So I felt even more guilt. I wondered if leaving was the right thing to do. Doubt.

Fear overwhelmed me as I doubted. I doubted because of fear. A vicious cycle. I lost sight of all that God had blessed me with and I hit bottom again.

So during the holidays, God showed me the serious state of my health. I had prayed for a job like this so I would have time to heal and grow stronger but I wasn’t using the time He gave me wisely. I had been given a gift but I was too busy feeling guilt and doubt about all that I asked for and was blessed with!

I had to wake up…or else.

If I didn’t honor the prayers that God had answered I wasn’t going to find any peace. Nothing was going to work as I had hoped and prayed for.

I had conquered the fear aspect of making the ginormous decision to leave one job and take another. But I didn’t do it alone. And I’ve made significant progress with my health, my relationship with God, and my attitude since the first of the year.

I drastically changed my diet and started stretching and walking. My mind is clearer. I am more energetic, and my arthritic pain has decreased about 90%. I removed the news from my life too, I admit I was addicted to it. What you feed your mind is just as important as what you feed your gut.

I have to share with you that I am happier than I have been in a very long time. And for the first time in I-don’t-know-how-long, I am not depressed in January. I’m actually excited about the future.

I couldn’t have done any of this if it wasn’t for God. I chose God over fear. I know I am in the very early stage of these changes but the only way I will fail is if I doubt God and allow fear to rule my life again.

I thought I was was allowing God to lead, but honestly, I was not. I realize too that it’s not a man I have longed for to fill the void in my life. It is God I’ve needed all along. If He were to bless me someone that would be great. But I know I am fine, perfectly fine, on my own. And I am really happy.

My Denae read Fear, Part One almost as soon as it was posted. She shared with me a couple of details that I had conveniently forgotten. But, as she said, it was a traumatic experience. (She was one of my kids that I pushed aside while on the run.) Denae said I stood up to Jason Voorhees and not many, if any, can say that. And I lived to tell about it. 😳

I wish you a great year. A year without fear. A year to stand up to Jasons. A year to take chances. A year to grow closer to God. And a year of peace. ♥️

Andi

Part One

Fear is a horrible thing. I will not watch horror films because I cannot stand to be scared in the least bit. Maybe it goes back to young years when my dad scared me with a clown statue we had. I wrote a post about that on April 6, 2020. The link is below.

Clowns

Maybe my fear was enhanced by the scary movies I watched as a teen. You might not be able to walk outside at night or even to another room after watching a horror or suspenseful movie. I couldn’t. Still can’t.

I had a sort of traumatic experience take place at a haunted park. Actually, it wasn’t the park that was supposed to be haunted. It was a haunted house set up in the park for Halloween that was supposed to be scary. I’m not a haunted house type person but three of my kids wanted to go. So we went.

When we got to the entrance of the haunted house we were told that the “actors” were taking a break for a little while. We saw the monsters and the dead walking together in a large group through the park to the restroom. The kids and I stood there discussing how long we wanted to wait. We decided to start walking back toward our van. I wasn’t all that thrilled to do the haunted house thing anyway…so maybe I did strongly influence the decision to leave and find something else to do that night.

As we were walking through the park, we looked back off to the left and saw the group walking away from the building that housed the restrooms. We kept walking and every so often we’d glance back at them. Then the group looked at us. We walked on. I looked back again and the group was watching us. They turned together and began to walk toward us. I told the kids to walk faster. The group then walked faster too. Soon we were running through the park and they were running too…after us! The faster we ran the faster they ran. I was terrified. I panicked. I needed to get away…now! In order to pick up my momentum, I actually used my hands to push off on the two kids running next to me. Yes…I did that. I placed my hands on their chests and pushed myself forward leaving my children behind. It wasn’t one of my proudest mommy moments.

After realizing what I had done, I came to my senses. I stopped in my tracks and turned around. In a split second, I was nose-to-nose with Jason Voorhees, who appeared to be the group’s leader, and although I’ve never seen the “Friday, the 13th” movies, I’ve heard enough to understand why the others would follow him.

I screamed in Jason’s face.

“STOP! Just STOP!”

He didn’t say a word. We stood there locked on each other’s eyes. That’s all I could see of his face. Finally…he turned to leave and the group followed him back to the haunted house. Truthfully, I sorta felt bad.

We didn’t go through the house that night. We had our own scary story to tell that was even better than a walk through a haunted house. We went to the van and laughed all the way home. I might have teared up a bit too. I also apologized.

Fear was very real to me. I’m not sure how each of you deal with it but fear can keep me from thinking rationally. It can definitely keep me from leaving a foot dangling over the edge of my bed, uncovered.

There are other fears though that are not related to scary movies or haunted parks, clowns, or even standing up to Jason Voorhees and screaming into his masked face. Fears that prevent you from living a full life.

How do you handle fear? I don’t handle it well as you can see. But I no longer have anything to do with these types of scary things. That helps a great deal.

I’m splitting this post into two parts. Part one is lengthy enough. 😊

FEAR, Part Two, coming up.

Happy Friday, the 13th! ♥️

Andi

Originally posted on July 30, 2021. Edited and updated.

We have all sorts of well-meaning people telling us how to walk through our life and critiquing how we walked years ago. How does that even make sense? You should have…should never be included in conversation.

I know people have the best of intentions most of the time, but it isn’t fair to critique someone’s walk in life. Not unless you’ve actually walked in their shoes. And if you haven’t, then leave their shoelaces alone.

Example…I have married women tell me that I don’t need a man in my life. I don’t need a man to make me happy (which I do not) and that I need to enjoy my independence and my freedom (which I do). Then they tack on a little…you are so lucky.

Well, my first thought is this…I’m 61 years old. I have been married for 31 of those. I kinda think I know what marriage is about. So please don’t treat me like I haven’t a clue.

Please don’t try to tie my shoes.

My second thought is…I really feel sorry for you…that you view my singleness as luck and that you admire me for being alone. It speaks volumes about you and your mindset about your own marriage.

I walked a lot of miles in those marriage shoes. Even though my two marriages failed, I still believe in it. Why? For many reasons, but first and foremost, it is God’s design. And He designed it for a reason.

Regardless of what your story is, you’ve walked miles in your own shoes. You’ve experienced things I never have. We see life from different angles. I’ve experienced things that would probably make your jaw drop and it’s been suggested many times that I write a book about my life. Well…if I did that, many names would have to be changed. And then I’d have to cut my hair and move to some place like Slickpoo, Two Egg, Burnt Porcupine, Mudd Butte, Knockemstiff, Smackover, Bumpass, or Ding Dong, USA.

But because of our own personal experiences, we have learned and grown in our own way. We managed to survive. It is our journey. Our views of life vary because of it. Our hearts beat to different drums. Someone else may have experienced a similar walk. Yet, we are still very different.

So when someone tells you where to jump and how high…kindly say:

Please don’t even try to tie my shoes.

But I’m not suggesting that with our different views in life should there be division among us. No, quite the contrary. We should have an even greater need and compassion for one another. If anything, our walks have shown us the fragility of life. Every single day is sacred. And it’s to be shared with one another.

Please don’t try to tie someone else’s shoes.

There’s a difference between being critical and condescending, and treating someone with compassion, love, and understanding.

Thanks for having coffee with me today. May your Tuesday be amazing. Be grateful always. I am certainly grateful for my Tamarindo Pathfinder slip-ons. No shoelaces. ♥️

Andi

And, yes…those are actual towns in the US. 🙂

I thought about the title of my blog yesterday and it made me think of a talk show…although I have been the only one participating. For fun, this is how it would possibly go if I had my own show and a special guest speaker.

🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶

Announcer: It’s the Coffee With Andi Show!

(Applause)

And our host…Andi!

(Applause)

🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶

Andi: Good Morning! Good Morning!

Thank you so much for joining me! How’s that cup of joe? Is it warming you up on this cold December morning?

Today we have a special guest whom we are all quite familiar with. This guest has touched each of us in some way. He’s angered us, caused a great amount of confusion, and changed us as a people. In many ways, our guest has opened our eyes to the reality of our world today. And while that is a good thing, many do not want embrace him with open arms.

I did ask our guest if he would like to speak to us incognito, but that suggestion was kindly declined. He would like to face the music, so to speak, and set the record straight as his term is coming to an end. He politely reminded me that we all know what he looks like but that his appearance varies from person to person. Our guest would like to give us an opportunity to reflect on what was and prepare for what is to come.

If you wouldn’t mind giving a warm welcome to 2022!

(Applause)

…silence…

🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶

(Applause)

…silence…

🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶

(Applause….please)

…silence…

Andi: Hello 2022. Thank you so much for coming here today. I apologize for the lack of applause but you are fully aware of the sentiment concerning the past twelve months. I realize, as well, that you might be more than slightly uncomfortable sitting here with my studio audience. But I do appreciate you coming here as a means to reflect upon your term.

2022: Thank you so much, Andi, for having me. Yes, my term is coming to a close. The past 12 months have been packed full to say the least and I am fully aware that my legacy will be not well-received nor will it be well-thought of when looking back years from now.

However…without getting into heated discussions over war, inflation, education, sexuality, the grooming of children, child trafficking, election fraud, the unsecured border, the national debt, the climate, Covid, January 6th, and so on…you know the issues at hand…I ask only one thing of you before my story ends and another begins.

I ask that you might reflect on the good things that each of you experienced this past year. Every day had a blessing or two within it. Maybe a long awaited phone call. A letter written to a loved one. Maybe it was the birth of a child. A marriage. A long, overdo vacation. A whisper of I love you. A thank you. Holding the hand of a little one or the weary hand of a shut-in. Maybe there was a blessing in caring for another. Or, money received to feed your family. If you look carefully, every single day contained something of great value. The things that truly give life meaning and purpose.

If you could look back at my time and remember those things, I would be honored. I didn’t choose the bad to happen. Those things happened because of the willful and well-thought out actions of others. And if you are not familiar with who or what, my advice to you is to follow the money. That is a reliable indicator of who is doing what, for whom, and for what purpose. It could be in the best interest of the people or it could be for selfish gain and power. Please remember to pray urgently for those who fight for good, but also for the evil doers. With knowledge, do your part to make a better tomorrow for all.

In a few short days I will hand the baton to 2023. I do not wish to be in his shoes as he is starting off in a very difficult place. I tried to clean up after 2020 and 2021, with a small amount of success, but he has a compilation of all these years plus mine, to continue to work through and make sense of. The ramifications of 2020 were really only just becoming known during my term.

Pray for 2023. Pray without ceasing, and pray hard. Continue to look for daily blessings and know that God is ever-present. Be kind. Be a worker of good and not evil. Love your neighbor.

Well, I guess that’s all I really have to say.

Andi: Wow. Thank you so much, 2022.
Yes, I do know that I’ve been blessed in many many ways this past year. I will continue to reflect upon those things.

Thank you so much for your insight into the next year and for your well-advised advice. Many of us have heavy, tired hearts from the last three years or so. Perhaps we can do as you’ve suggested by keeping blessings the focal point of each day but yet remain knowledgeable of the issues at hand. Using this knowledge, and with God’s help, we can work accordingly, to make our world a better, safer, and kinder place to live for our children and generations to come. Thank you again, 2022, for joining us.

2022: Thank you, and God bless.

(Applause)

(Lots of Applause)

Andi: Well, that concludes our segment this morning. I wish you well as we head off into another year. Thank you so much for joining me and for allowing 2022 to speak to your heart.

Be well. Be safe. Be grateful. ♥️

🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶

(Applause)

🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎶

(Applause and music fade)

Andi

I have two beautiful logos created by two of my boys. The above logo was created by Jet. The one below is by Ezekiel. I love them both. I will use each of them from time to time. ♥️

2023 is fast approaching and we will enter it with a lot of uncertainty in our personal lives and in our world. The last two or three years have been the strangest ever in my lifetime. I personally was blindsided by the unimaginable that occurred and is still occurring in our world.

Years ago, New Year’s Eve was a sad time for me. It was like leaving a good friend behind. Then more recently, I was happy to leave the year behind and walk into a new and, hopefully, better one. Now I stand in the doorway looking back in awe, and with great disbelief, of all that transpired in our world in 2022. I cannot believe the blatant wickedness and corruptness that blankets our world. 2023 has me even more concerned.

Even so, the blessings of the past year have made me ever so grateful. ♥️

This little sign hangs in my sunroom. It is a reminder to me to never give up on hope. Hope that not all days will be bad days. Maybe, just maybe, the good days will outnumber the tough ones. Even for just a little while.

The best is yet to come. What does it mean to me? And what does it mean to you?

Is the best a better place financially?

Does it mean that life as a whole will be easier to manage?

Does the best mean less tears and more laughter?

Does it mean an advancement in your job or a move to a new location?

Or, does it refer to the status of a relationship?

Is the best some secret code that will be cracked to reveal everything you’ve ever dreamed of and longed for?

Is the best the betterment of our community, our country, our world? Because these are deteriorating rapidly.

Is the best found in personal happiness? And will there be more of it?

I’ve learned in my six decades here on earth (and yes, I’ve learned the hard way) that happiness is truly a state of mind. Happiness is not found in material things because the newness and pleasure wear off and then you are left with an emptiness that needs refilling. Happiness is not even found in another person. People will fail you. It’s not a matter of if, but when. This isn’t because they choose to let you down. But they are human and that’s what humans do on occasion. Basing your happiness and contentment on someone else to fulfill will only set you up for heartache. Happiness comes from within.

But I also know that we can be so beaten down and depleted in life that our will and our spirit are so weakened…even to the point of being broken…where we’ve lost the ability to draw up any form of happiness from within. I know this first hand. And that is why I am making necessary changes in my life to remove the toxicity and heal…both in my mind and body. Through this transitioning period, I am trusting God to lead me, heal me, and shape me into a better person than I was yesterday.

As much as I’d like to believe this little wooden sign will deliver, I know that we were never promised a life here without pain, trial, and sorrow. We were never promised fairness on this earth. If that were the case no one would strive for Heaven. No one would have the desire to seek Jesus or even be grateful for His existence.

This little sign is, though, a reminder of hope. The best is yet to come but is not necessarily in the way we envision the best. Heaven is the ultimate the best for sure. But the little arrow points me in the direction of change, both necessary and positive, that need to be made in my life. And as I continue to grow and mature, I can see that the best here on earth is actually found within me. ♥️

Philippians 4:11b for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

Andi

Romans 8:38,39 I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I am sharing this post written by a fellow blogger. I thought it was quite interesting. What are the odds of one man (Jesus) fulfilling all prophecy? Please read and let your heart be amazed!

godstillspeakstoday.com/2022/12/23/christmas-math/

Friday. Two days before Christmas. While it is a comfortable 69 degrees inside my home, it is a cool -9 degrees outdoors. Winds are steady at 24 mph which creates a windchill of -36.

I don’t need to worry about anything blowing away outside as everything is frozen to the place they occupy. With temps like these, it’s almost feels inhumane to let Nyx go outside for a potty break. Her feet freeze within seconds. She loves the outdoors but really does not appreciate this weather. At all. She runs out fast and does her business even faster.

I have to admit I went into a slight panic this morning when I couldn’t open doors to the outside. The sliding door to the back deck is frozen fast. With it being so cold I didn’t risk breaking glass so I tried to let Nyx out the front door. I tried and tried but couldn’t open that door either. Opening the garage door was not an option and the basement door is so old that I didn’t even consider that one. So panic shot through my body like a lightening bolt at the thought of not being able to get out of my house (claustrophobic, perhaps?) or, heaven forbid, an emergency that required personnel to get into my house. And where is Nyx going to poop! So I tried again with the front door. Nothing. I tried again. Nothing. It would not budge even slightly. Then I turned the little latch by the handle. Oops…my bad. 😬

I’m glad we have no where to go today. Or, for the next three days. I don’t mind. I have projects to work on. And a couple of traditional Christmas movies to watch. We are safe and warm as long as the power does not go out. I looked at the future forecast and New Year’s Eve is supposed to be 56 degrees. Nice.

Please check on your neighbors during this time. Even if it isn’t weather related, the holidays can be such a sad, difficult time for so many.

Enjoy your day. Be safe and warm. And be nice to those who are stuck in close quarters with you. Oh, and try unlocking the door before opening. Life is so much better without unnecessary panic. ♥️

Andi

Yesterday I began a five day Christmas devotional on YouVersion. It is called “All is Calm”. This morning one of the first sentences struck me and honestly, it’s all I thought about as I sort of listened to the the rest of the devotional and scripture verses.

Why are we instructed to read and reread the Bible? Why must we hear the story of Creation…again? Of Noah? Of the parting of the Red Sea? Of Christ’s miraculous conception and birth? Why all the repetition?

In my devotional this morning, I was enlightened. We need to hear every story, every lesson, again and again, because our minds tend to forget and our hearts cease to be amazed.

Our hearts cease to be amazed.

You may think that repetition would cause us to be unimpressed or even become hardened. But if our hearts are right, every repetition of a story should solidify our faith, our trust, and our love. And we should be amazed.

Whether you celebrate December 25th as the birth of Christ or not, His birth was miraculous and designed with the greatest of all purpose. I suggest you step away from the hustle and bustle of the material aspect of the holiday season and find yourself a quiet place. Reread the story of Jesus’s birth and embrace the beauty of the greatest gift of all. Rejoice with the angels and allow your heart be amazed again. ♥️

Merry Christmas!!

Andi

Forty years ago I was given my purpose in life. Although I find it to be most difficult at times, it has been my greatest adventure, my greatest love. Motherhood.

Nathan was born forty years ago today. It is hard for me to acknowledge that I have a forty year old child. I was forty just yesterday.

Nathan was two when his brother was born. Then four more children blessed my life. We had a houseful. He is the only one of six to have me all to himself but he couldn’t wait for his brother to be born. He even named his little brother, Jesse.

My parents, my sister, and my friend, Chelle, adored Nathan. Gosh, he sure made them laugh with the funny things he would say. He was the first grandchild on both sides.

Nathan was always busy. Busy hands and an extraordinarily busy mind. He’s still that way. He’s constantly feeding his mind with knowledge. I’ve never met another like him in that respect. His first word was clock. That should have been our first indication that Nathan’s mind worked differently than most.

His love for science and history runs deep and he can hold in-depth conversations in either subject about most any topic. As a homeschooled student, his joy was memorizing the Periodic Table of Elements and reading chemistry books…because he wanted to.

Nathan is gifted with many talents. He has a green thumb and once filled my yard with tulips. Many varieties of tulips popped up throughout our yard in the spring. It was beautiful. He planted a lilac outside my bedroom window so that when the breeze blew, one of the most beautiful scents on all the earth, would waft into my room and cover my bed. He also grew the most wonderful vegetable gardens and I would can or freeze those treasures at harvest. The extra produce would find themselves in a homemade cannon of sorts and he and his brother and their friend would shoot veggies at each other. Boys…..

Nathan was very curious about many things and I’m still discovering the antics of his youth. I would have died then knowing some of the things he did. They are laughable now.

One of Nathan’s biggest curiosity and venture was in the world of pyrotechnics. His love for pyrotechnics began in the lab next door in his friend’s shed. Later, our family worked together in a fireworks company that we purchased after the owner’s unexpected passing.

It wasn’t an easy job for any of us. Pyrotechnics is hard work. But mixed in with some bad times are many good (and very funny) memories. We all learned a lot about each other, life, and the fascinating world of pyrotechnics. Our company entertained hundreds of thousands of people over the years. How many people can say that? Nathan opened our world to an adventure that many people would never dream of experiencing. I thank him for that.

Deep down Nathan wants the best for everyone. And while he comes across as brash, he has a heart of gold and he means well. Nathan feels everything deeply like his momma, which is a curse and a blessing. He grew up watching his mom so deeply passionate about certain life issues to the point it would become an obsession to her. I admit I was intense at times. But the bottom line was I was trying to save the world from something harmful or morally wrong…one passion at a time. Only the world didn’t see the need for saving and I’d end up empty and depleted. Nathan has followed the example I gave him during his young, impressionable years. I’ve since mellowed as I realize I can only do so much without neglecting those closest to me. Sharing my thoughts through writing and praying are my absolute best anymore. Prayer will never disappoint because God knows all and works according to His timing. My influence, my footprint, will be left in the hearts of my children, family, and friends.

Nathan is forty today. How can this be?

Happy Birthday, my son. Thank you for being the first to give me purpose in life. My love for you runs deep. Be at peace in your life. You are very complex yet there is a simplicity about you that reminds me of my little boy of long ago. I cherish that. Although we are miles apart you can find me in every sunrise and sunset. We share in the love of the beauty of God’s ever-changing sky. A connection of hearts. ♥️

Mom/ Andi

The name Karen has certainly gotten a bad rap over the past several years. I’m not sure how it got started or why that particular name was chosen to represent women who are privileged, obnoxious, demanding, and angry.

But to suggest that all Karens are alike is well, kind of…Karenish.

I have a close friend named Karen. She is a most cherished friend of mine and let me tell you why.

My Karen is the complete opposite of the stereotyped Karen. My Karen is beautiful. She is oh so smart and witty. My Karen is a nurturer and a healer. Physical and mental health are priorities in her life and she shares her wealth of knowledge with others.

My Karen loves and appreciates the earth and all the wondrous treasures within it. She surrounds herself in everything beautiful. Karen spends endless hours hiking with her husband…breathing in God’s creation. Appreciating every. single. breath.

My Karen is compassionate about many things. She stands up for all that is good and right. She loves our country, her family, and God. And she’s not afraid to share that love.

My Karen is beyond grateful. She is aware of the fragility of life and builds her life around that sentiment. That’s what makes her so precious. It’s my wish that everyone could have a Karen in their life just like my Karen.

So be like Karen.
My Karen. ♥️

Andi

I started my new job as the clerk-treasurer in my tiny town. Yesterday morning, I was asked by my friend how the new job was going. I replied, “I’m not sure.”

Last night after work, I responded again, “I’m still not sure.”

His reply, “All you need to be sure of at this point is you need a job. Leave the rest up to God!”

Then another text from him, “Trust God!!! He has the perfect plan for you…..”

Trusting God.
How easily it is to forget to trust when we get busy…and then we become overwhelmed with anxiety.

I prayed. And prayed some more. God knew all that was heavy on my heart. He closed a door while opening another, and after I walked through it, I question, “What am I doing in this new room?” What happened to my trust?

Sometimes we need a good friend to remind us of where we are grounded. I know I’ve gotten all tangled up in these changes that are happening all at once. I’m leaving what was my life for two years and now venturing out on my own. This is really big for me. But I asked God for this. I can’t forget Him now.

I’m putting things back into perspective today and trusting God. I’m here for a reason and I do see why to an extent. I will work on having a positive impact on this new position.

Thanks to MH for grounding me. Again. ♥️

Andi

Origin post: April 26, 2020

Where flowers bloom, so does hope.

Matthew 6: 28, 29 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Today is hard. We live in trying times. But still we have many reasons to rejoice. God feeds the squirrels and the birds. He waters the flowers, and gives the earth sunshine. He will take care of us as well. Remember that God is still in control. Be thankful for that.

Note to self: Don’t be anxious. ♥️

Andi

Photos: Queen Anne’s Lace, one of my favorite flowers. Photos taken near my home.

December 1, 2022 – My First Day Gone

Angie had texted me that my office was depressing with me gone. She went into my office and stood there in silence. Soon, Kelly came in, and stood with her. Then another coworker, and then yet another. They all just stood there together in my empty office.

I cannot even begin to express the love I felt as she relayed this to me. It is nice to know that I have touched others in a positive way and that I am missed. The feeling is definitely mutual. My life is blessed and I am very grateful. ♥️

Andi

Often when we come upon a difficult time in our life we talk about the need to get past it in order to heal. What does that mean to get past it?

Today I heard something on a Hallmark movie that struck me in a remarkable way. The situation there, of course, was related to love and heartache. Difficult times are not always related to love though.

So the gist of what was said in the movie was that when faced with a trial, we cannot simply go around it in the passing zone. We need to go through it.

Going through it means you are dealing with it. You don’t avoid all the hard stuff that is created by the situation. You hit it straight on. You face it. You work through it.

Regardless of how hard it is, face the situation head on and deal with it as difficult as it may be. In my opinion, it might just be a healthier route to take than simply getting past it. Taking the path of least resistance will only add extra baggage to your life of that which is not dealt with appropriately.

Maybe my take on getting past it is a little deeper than needed but the words go through it made me think about healing in a different light.

Who says you can’t learn something of value from a Hallmark movie? 😊 ♥️

Andi

A week or so ago, I wrote about the wait. Waiting for God to lead and direct while I try to be patient. Currently, I’m trying to understand the timing while acknowledging that God has closed one door and opened another. Do not question when God answers the prayers you’ve been praying. So why do I feel the need to question His timing?

In March of this year, I put my notice in at work. I had been waiting for over a year for things to get better, and they just didn’t. We were so understaffed. I gave my boss until the end of June to he could find someone to replace me. A generous amount of time. In the meantime, the other personal lines person put her notice in and was gone 3 weeks after that. So we were still very short staffed. I couldn’t leave in good conscious. But it never got better.

It’s been almost two years of unwavering stress. My boss decided to retire a couple months ago and he sold our agency to a corporation with the promise that things would be easier for us in the long run. But the merger has been stressful. Not a smooth transition for us at all. For one, we are not set up on their system yet so the last few weeks have been very difficult.

I had stayed to help the office out, and I stayed much longer than intended. The girls are the reason I’ve stayed as long as I have. I love them all so much. But I didn’t want to be that one in the office who brings everyone else down. And I felt that’s who I am becoming.

I think perhaps had I started this job on a better note instead of walking into a hot mess, maybe I would have had a better impression of working in the insurance world. But it was poorly managed from my first day. I didn’t realize the extent of that until this merger took place.

I put my notice in again on November 10th with the new company and yesterday was my last day. It is quite bittersweet as I left women there whom I love dearly. They have become family to me. They are left to carry my workload and for that, I am remorseful.

But my health has suffered greatly since my employment there. I was more athletic. Much thinner. And my mind was in better shape. There really are different personality types. This type of work drains me to the point where I could never regain what I lost during the day before I’d have to do it over again the next day.

When I put my first notice in back in March, I applied for the clerk/ treasures office in my tiny town. They hired an older man who had been an accountant his whole life. Well, in October, he went to jail for being a horrid human being. I was asked by the board members if I was still interested in being the clerk. I thought about the prayers I’ve been praying. I thought about my health. I thought about the many aspects of that job that would allow me to take care of me, and perhaps, grant me free time to write, which is my passion. So I said yes.

Tears have been shed by myself and my coworkers. Never have I had relationships such as these. These women mean so much to me. They threw a surprise lunch on Tuesday. It was amazing. They gave me a generous gift card too. But the love shared is the most precious of all gifts. I cannot even write this without tears.

My office was quite plain when I first settled in. In between the visits to Florida, when my father was dying, I spent the weekend keeping busy by painting two walls the color of autumn gold. My favorite season. I hung my canvas photographs on the wall and decorated my office with a Maine theme, one of the most beautiful places on all the earth. My office was warm and cozy. It became my home away from home. It helped to make my stay there a little easier.

Over the last two weeks I had to gradually dismantle my home. It’s been most difficult. The girls felt it too as my office become colder.

I would remove my things after work when the girls went home. It was too hard to do it when they were present as I shed many tears.

The room is empty now except for the quote I had created and had specially made to attach to my wall. Not sure if it will suit the next occupant of my little office though and that’s ok. It is time though that I heed my words written there. All this time that’s what they were…just words.

A bittersweet transition. There’s no other way to describe it. The girls will be okay. I do have faith in the new company. Mergers take some time to smooth out the wrinkles. I’m still here for them and they know it. I know they are here for me too. The love and friendships run deep. I am blessed.

I know my mind and body did not fair well over the last two years there, but my life would be emptier without the things learned and the friendships earned. There is always something good in the bad. Something to learn. Something that makes us a better person. Something that shines above the abyss.

God is good. His timing is perfect. I give Him the thanks and praise for where I am today. ♥️

Andi

We base many things in life upon our feelings. And I know that my feelings change frequently.

Like falling in and out of love. Fall in. Fall out. How does that happen? Why does that happen? Perhaps it is when we base the relationship on feelings alone. Feelings come and go like the breeze.

Oh yeah, there’s nothing more exciting than the warm fuzzies when falling in love. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I would love to experience the fuzzies again before I die. It’s youthful and energizing. A warm fuzzy is the key which unlocks the door to love. But the warm fuzzies turn cold when we don’t nurture the relationship. And the reason being is…

Love is a decision.

The warm fuzzies…the spark, the click, the fireworks…are an important part of a relationship. But to experience love completely is a choice; a well, thought-out decision. Nothing can be expected to last forever when it is solely built upon feelings.

Loving God is a decision.

When we first realize the err of our ways, our incompleteness, our losses…and we turn to God…we often feel the warm fuzzies. I know I did. The emotion ran high for me. We fall in love with God. We wrap ourselves in His warmth. We recognize His protection. We feel His love.

As time goes on that initial feeling of exhilaration fades. We come down off the high. Unless we choose to love Jesus, unless we make that a conscious decision, we will fall back into a life without Him. Fall in. Fall out.

Whether in a romantic love relationship or a relationship with Christ, both require work on our part. Deciding to love requires understanding. It requires compromise. It requires diligence. It requires consistency. Love requires effort to be successful.

Granted, God is all-understanding, diligent, and consistent. He doesn’t compromise His truth though for what we want to believe.

Love is worth the effort, but it is a decision. Taking the decision-making step before the fuzzies fade is often crucial to long-lasting love. Ask any couple who has remained married for decades if their marriage was easy. Most likely they will laugh first, and then they tell you all the ways it was not. But they will tell you it was a choice to remain married. A decision made by each of them. I have a great sadness in knowing I’ll never experience a 50th wedding anniversary. Or, even a 30th.

Love is a decision. On the human side of love, both need to decide to love the other. On the God side of love, He never waivers. He made the decision to love when earth was just a thought.

Decide to love. There’s a ton of emptiness in giving up when the fuzziness fades. Certainly, not all fuzzies are true because so much in our world is based on lust and not love. But how many true relationships have been discarded because the decision to love takes work? We humans have a tendency to take the path of least resistance.

Love is a decision. Embrace it. It’s the most important decision you will ever make. ♥️

Andi

Will I ever tire of white orchids? I think not.

Many years ago, I wrote a poem about white orchids. It was also about love. If you have ever had either, you know the beauty, and the frustration, of both.

When I worked for a florist several years ago, my sunroom became the orchid rehab center for all the store orchids that finished their blooming cycle, or become sickly. I just could not bring myself to throw them out so I took them home. When I brought the orchids back into bloom, I’d return them to the store. At one point I had about 20 orchids in that room, both mine and those from the store. Along with all the other plants I had of my own, my sunroom was bursting at the seams. Bursting with color. It was beautiful and it brought me such happiness. Finally, my girls told me that for every orchid I bring home, they were going to bring home another dog. Um. That didn’t happen. lol

I learned a lot about the care of orchids from an older man, Richard, who owned an orchid greenhouse. That’s where we purchased our orchids for the store. He even formulated his own orchid food. Sadly, his health took a turn for the worse and the greenhouse closed this summer. I was able to purchase several orchids before the closure. They were not blooming at the time but I believe they are all white. Two are currently in bloom and they are white.

Orchids can be frustrating and they teach me what I need most…patience. Love is the same way. Orchids require warmth, watering, and a fair amount just letting it be. Neither will bloom exactly when you want them too. That’s a fact.

Below is my orchid poem. 💕

The Orchid

Love seeded deep within soil long ago,
…two roots took hold and would never let go.

A dismal circumstance, uncontrolled by the two,
…separated true hearts; still the tiny plant grew.

A single stem from, the soil did emerge,
…as the roots did insist; as love did urge.

Enjoying the sunshine, this little stem grew,
…for love also watered, the roots of these two.

Though even apart, these enlightened hearts knew,
…their love buried deep, would carry them through.

And so through the days, the months, and the years,
…the little stem thrived, ahhhh….but not without tears.

For as the time passed, and the taller it grew,
…not a single bloom…EVER…made a debut.

Although life through the years, was simple and good,
…a loneliness existed, lost hearts understood.

And so the plant lived with a void deep inside,
…living life to the fullest, these hearts truly tried.

And then something happened…really quite unexpected,
…the lonely hearts somehow, became reconnected.

What joy filled this plant that had waited so long,
…for the enchanted tune, of love’s sweetest song.

With hearts reunited, two souls became one,
…and the stem rejoiced, under the warmth of the sun.

And in light of true love, the magic appeared,
…and the void in the stem, simply just disappeared.

What wonderful blooms with petals of white,
…covered the stem, at the top of its height.

White for the purist of love on this earth,
…and for joy ’cause this plant discovered its worth.

Roots…where the deepest love, grows in the heart,
…the length of the stem…years living apart.

The blooms rich in beauty…the love two hearts shared,
…this plant in its spender; true love it declared.

So this is my tale of an orchid of love,
…and the essence of what, precious dreams are made of.

By Andi
January 30, 2013

There is much going on in my life currently. Much happiness in preparation for Thanksgiving this week and then another bittersweet transition which I will share with you in a couple of weeks. I’ve become quite emotional with it all over the last couple of days. No worries. I will hold it all together and I will live each moment fully.

Have a joyous weekend. Reach out to those who need a kind face and loving words as the holidays can be a lonely time for so many. ♥️

Andi

regiehammblog.wordpress.com/2022/11/16/two-minutes/

I’m sharing a post written by Regie Hamm. He’s quite a writer and I always look forward to reading his stuff.

“If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” Habakkuk‬ ‭2‬:‭3‬ ‭

It always seems slow, doesn’t it? Waiting on God to answer.

Everything in our world today is at the tip of our fingers. Instant gratification has become the norm in every area of life. And often we pay dearly for that.

Anyone close to me knows that I haven’t been the most patient person throughout my life. But I am getting better at it. I’m learning to breathe through the impulses that drive me to do stupid stuff. I’m learning to trust God.

Impatience is human nature to a fault. It gets worse as time go on when we still haven’t received an answer. Sometimes it has been answered in a way we don’t recognize…yet. Often it does take a long period of time. Wait for it….

And then sometimes we feel we have to help God out. You know…to move things along a little. (Like God needs our help.) Just as Sarah, in the Old Testament, when she gave Abraham her handmaiden, after waiting for God to make good on His promise that she would conceive. That certainly didn’t turn out well for her as jealousy arose out of trying to outthink and work ahead of God.

God has a better view of the whole picture than we do. He sees everything and from all angles. He sees where the danger lies, and He protects. Sometimes there are lessons to be learned in the waiting. Working ahead of God instead of allowing Him the time needed to answer prayer is often defeating. Then we question Him when everything falls apart. Why, God?

But God is good. He is continually picking up our broken pieces and sticking them back on. He never runs out of adhesive. He is good like that.

It’s just so hard sometimes to see the right door to open or the path for us to walk. But He is ever-present and all-knowing. He only asks for patience.

Waiting on God.

I’m sitting here in the quietness of this early morning reflecting upon the wait. For answered prayers. For new beginnings. For direction and outcomes. But I realize that so many prayers have already been answered. And I can see where others are coming together. And I am grateful.

I am learning patience.

I am learning to rejoice in each moment of my life instead of wishing it away.

I’m learning to look for the blessings in the wait.

And through it all, I’m learning to love God with deeper respect and admiration.

The wait. It will surely come. ♥️

Andi

And yes, I am sitting in front of my Christmas tree. Thanksgiving is Christmas this year as all my children and grandchildren will be together in my home. What could possibly make Thanksgiving even more perfect? I am grateful. ♥️

When we think of peer pressure, we often pin that concept on high school kids. Maybe middle school kids as well. But that is certainly not the case. People strive to fit in all through their adulthood too.

I was an awkward teen growing up in Waukegan, Illinois. It was a difficult time of figuring out who I was and where I fit in. And I didn’t seem to fit in anywhere.

My hair had a mind of its own. Not like the other girls’ fashionably, styled hair. I’d often hide my hair in a bandana. I didn’t wear all the latest style of clothing although I treasured my bell bottoms, overalls, midriffs, and tube tops. My height was tall to where I did feel quite awkward. At one point, my best friend and I were 12” apart in height. Awkward. I was taller than the majority of boys my age. So when being made to dance in gym class, I believed I could die from the humiliation. I just knew that everyone was watching me. Like I was THE biggest thing in the gymnasium. So I thought. All through high school, I felt like a square peg being forced into a circle hole. I would have done well being homeschooled.

Trying to fit in was something of a challenge. I was insecure with a poor self-image. Body shaming was what I did best. So I took the path of least resistance. I became a part of the neighborhood “gang”. Not like in how the term gang is used today. Gang, as in a group of like-minded kids. No violence connected. No name given to designate who we were or what we stood for. Just a group of kids who would sneak out at night, drink Old Style beer and cheap Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, smoke cigarettes, and occasionally, pot, and laugh together for a couple of hours before going home and to bed for school the next day.

In my high school, which is no different from any other, peer pressure was intense. More like a pressure cooker. We all wanted to be liked. We all wanted to fit in. We would often sacrifice who we were to fit in with the cool kids, the smart kids, the athletic kids, the rich kids, the renegades…anything to be to feel a part of something we thought was bigger than ourselves. And when we didn’t fit, it was devastating. Peer pressure.

While not all peer pressure is bad, sacrificing the good in you just to belong is. Bullying, making fun of, or talking smack about those outside of your circle is a clear indicator that you are pressured by your peers.

As an adult, I see this cycle continue. Although it’s more about being peer pleasers. We certainly see this in politics. We adapt to the area in which we live. We take on what the majority around us believes. Throwing our own beliefs under the bus and disregarding what God says concerning particular topics.

We would rather please our peers than stand for truth in many instances…just so we fit in and are liked. Did we truly ever grow up?

Peer pleasers are often weak people. Many times there’s a giving and receiving of favors from one another to maintain a distorted relationship built on falsehoods. Sacrificing their own personal beliefs to fit in. Like fitting in gives some sort of leverage on life. I guess on some level it sometimes does. Money, power, control. But it’s all temporary. And it’s all empty.

Leaving what we know to be truth to chase something that is truly untrue gives us only shallow gifts in the long run. Anything built on a foundation other than God’s will fail. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but in the end it will fail and we will experience an even greater emptiness.

Being true to yourself (and to God) is the only way to find peace. Compromising truth to keep a so-called friend (or group of friends) is a lonely place to be. And you know this because you feel that truth deep within your soul and it doesn’t give you rest or any sort of peace.

Don’t be a peer pleaser. Stand up for what is good and perfect in the eyes of God. Then you can find the peace that surpasses all understanding, Philippians 4:7. ♥️

Andi

Original post: July 18, 2021

All life was created by God. And when God created man He saw that man should not be alone. So God designed something wonderful. He created woman. And from those two, God created family. God looked over all of His creation and said it is good.

Today we see the very essence of woman being mocked and stripped away. Some men compete in women’s sports. Some men say they can menstruate and nurse babies. This is a slap in the face to every women who has ever or will ever walk this earth, and a spit in the face of men. It is truly a mockery in the face of our God. Something that He does not take lightly.

When God created this special woman to be with Adam, He knew exactly how to design her. She needed to be strong both mentally and physically. Her body would have unique demands placed upon it and God made her body perfect.

Man was also created perfectly for his role as husband and father. He was made strong to work the earth and to care for and protect his family and his home. He is unique in design as well and both sexes were created with boundaries. There is a reason why men and women cannot cross over. And it is really very simple to understand. God is not the author of confusion.

I Corinthians 14:33
For God is not the author of confusion but of peace…

What happened to the days of encouraging those with poor self-confidence, low self-esteem, and poor body image to love who they are? To embrace their uniqueness of the skin they were born in? Now we encourage them to change who they are by taking them to the U-Pick Gonad Store just around the corner to choose their new set of whatever. And where hormones are sold like liters of pop. But strangely no one can change the very essence of who they are because, you see…God had a hand in their design. No one can change their specific building blocks. Their DNA. Their unique code in life.

Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you…

God is not the author of confusion.

And God will not be mocked.

We spend so much time on things that distract us from doing what He has asked of us. People are spending their whole lifetime (and money) trying to get their sexuality figured out when God already did that for them. Time and money that could have helped other people and for just causes. We’ve become extremely self-centered. We have this need for instant self-gratification. And I truly believe that selfishness is root-cause of all sin.

Those who are trying to cross over want us to accept them yet they don’t even accept their own self. Why is it up to us to keep up with their constant changes and pronouns? And if we don’t, we are the ones who are condemned for being intolerant.

Psalm 139:14. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Embrace who you are. You were designed by God Himself. And you are beautiful. Truly, you are. ♥️

Andi

Photos: Golden Trout Lake, MT and wild geraniums, courtesy of BB

Original post, April 20, 2020

“No, I can’t.” I’ve told myself this a thousand times. “I can’t do this anymore.”

It’s horrible to feel that low. I’ve been in that place many times. I know how it is to feel helpless and alone. It’s very difficult especially when you have the responsibility of a home, and children who rely on you as their leader. And their leader falls apart.

With the changes of today, I can only assume that the number of people saying, “I can’t” has risen. I am sympathetic towards all the challenges that people are now facing as many are losing jobs, businesses are closing, children are schooled at home, and the future is just a huge question mark. My problems are not near as desperate as others, but that doesn’t make mine any less real or unimportant. I still have to figure out ways to handle mine, just as everyone has to deal with their own. And it’s really hard at times.

But the one thing that holds true for me is that tomorrow is almost always better. And if not tomorrow, it’s the next tomorrow. And I rejoice in that day.

It is very important to realize that just the thought of “I can’t” limits the ability to move forward. Negative self-talk depletes our energy and breaks our spirit. Try to focus on the positive. Take one day at a time. Do what you can, but give the rest to the Lord.

I am grateful for the friends who are a support to me, and for those who call to see how I’m doing. No words can express the gratitude I have for them. One of my best friends recently called because I had been quiet. I talked and he listened. Then he talked. He helped me to see that some of my stress is basically self-inflicted. I put unrealistic pressures upon myself for things I have no control over. I appreciate how he handled the conversation. If you feel trapped, talk to someone. Talking can help to sort things out. Sometimes that’s all you need.

I am thankful to God as He always makes a way. He blesses me continually. I know I shouldn’t worry or stress, but I do. I’m afraid of making wrong decisions. I’m fearful of many things. But He never fails.

I hope that you look to God for guidance and strength. Times are too difficult to handle alone. God is bigger and greater than any problem we have. It’s hard to remember that at times but we should keep Him first and foremost in our mind.

Thank you for reading my posts. I always hope that each post gives you something to smile about, or inspires you in some way. At the very least, I hope you realize that you are not alone. I appreciate you.

Always always be grateful…♥️

Andi

Photo: top: sunset at People’s Pathway; bottom: sunrise at my home

Vote because your voice needs to be heard.

Don’t fall under the banner of “my vote doesn’t matter”.

If you don’t vote, don’t complain.

I find it a privilege to vote. It is a true honor to stand up for this country that I love so much.

In all things, God expects us to do our part.

I love this country and all that it was founded upon. I want that country back for my children and grandchildren. ♥️

Happy Voting Day!

Andi

Original post: April 30, 2021

Today was quite breezy. In fact, it’s been windy for the past several days. I love the sea breeze in my hair, but here at home, the wind blows my hair in my face when I’m trying to work outside so I have to pull it back. While I was burning the pile of branches and sticks, the wind blew the smoke in my face no matter where I moved. The wind can be frustrating.

The wind may seem useless sometimes and more of a nuisance than anything. But the wind is pretty important. What would a sailboat be without the wind? It would have no use for sails. What about the energy lost in a turbine field without wind?

Yesterday, I read something on Instagram about trees. Scientists once grew trees in a sealed biosphere. They couldn’t figure out why they were unable to stand up. Finally, they realized that wind is what’s needed. Wind puts a great stress upon trees; therefore, the trees must grow stronger in order to stand on their own.

This made me think of our daily trials and stresses. I know firsthand that my hardships have caused me to grow stronger. I believe that through hardships God can use us more fully. Maybe a better example is that of the Potter and the clay. God molds us by allowing the stresses of His hands to shape us. Without the stress we’d remain a cold lump of clay.

Stress gives trees the strength needed to be able to stand; to give us shade, oxygen, and home for many of God’s creation. And stress shapes us into something beautiful.

Stress. It’s not always welcome. Well, rarely ever. But we actually need it. Stress is a reality of life. Find strength in it and become as strong as the trees. Allow God to guide you through it all and shape you according to His will. ♥️

Andi

Photos: a ship in Maine, 2017; an angry sky over a turbine field, 2017; a windy day in Florida with my sister, April 2, 2021

Original post: July 17, 2020.

When my youngest was about two and a half years old, she began saying a strange thing. We heard “butt chicken”. It sounded funny so we laughed whenever she said it. That encouraged her to repeat it. It got to the point where she was saying it quite often (we’d laugh). And when she was upset with her siblings, she would stand firmly, with her hands on her hips, and call them a butt chicken (and we’d laugh harder). I remember we were in her dad’s office one day and the receptionist got so angry that we allowed her to call her dad a butt chicken. She didn’t actually call him that but that’s how the receptionist took it. Her dad found it funny too so it wasn’t a big deal to him.

For a solid year, it was butt chicken this and butt chicken that, until one day, when her speech became clearer, we figured out she’d been saying “munchkin” all along. Munchkin, butt chicken. Can you hear it? Needless, to say we had another great laugh. After a year, we were finally able to put butt chicken behind us. (Pun intended.)

I love children and their sweet innocence. I love laughter at funny things. Put children and laughter together and I could stay there forever. I miss my young ones but their laughter is still music to my ears.

Cherish those fun moments with your kids. Especially, the moments that last a year.

Have an amazing weekend and be ever so grateful for the silliness and laughter of children.♥️

Andi

Photos: Flickr.com; ithinkwecanagree.blogspot.com

Depression is a very real thing. It’s something that is hard to see or understand. It often runs deep and dark. It can be disguised by laughter or hidden by an outward appearance of happiness. Listening to what someone is not saying is probably key to recognizing depression.

I do not live in that darkness although I think some have wondered about me. What I am is a person who thinks deeply and feels everything intensely. I carry the woes of this earth on my shoulders and in my heart. I am a healer of sorts without the ability to heal everything. I am often unable to fix things in my own life so I feel trapped. Caged. I may have moments or days where I feel depressed but my life is not grounded in depression.

My life is quiet, subdued. Boring, actually. But my mind is not. My mind is adventurous. It is daring, challenging, motivating. It is always questioning and forever dreaming. It’s filled with what if’s and possibility. It is also stifling, fearful, and conflicting. Maybe this is due to being a Gemini and the twins rarely, if ever, agree on anything.

Being deep in thought is serious business to me. I might be thinking of a situation I could have handled better. Or maybe how I need to handle a current situation. I could be taking mental notes of something I need to write about. That happens more often than not. I get quiet. My face and jaw are often tense. I tune people out sometimes. Not intentionally though. I’m just buried in thought not depression.

There is a difference in depression and being depressed. We all get down at times. Life isn’t fair. We feel cheated and often we are. Loved ones are taken from us. Someone else gets the promotion we were counting on. Friends leave on a misunderstanding. A divorce that caught us off guard. Gas is 5 cents cheaper two miles down the road than where we just filled our tank. Life is not fair. And sometimes we feel buried beneath all the unfairness. It’s why we need Jesus who gives us hope of a better place. A place of fairness. Heaven.

Listen intently to those closest to you. Listen with your heart because not everything is audible to your ears. Being depressed fluctuates with the ebb and flows of life. Depression is deeper and much harder to recognize. We are simply passing through this life to something better if we cling to Jesus as our Savior. We need to lean on His promise, and onto each other. ♥️

Andi

I like change. I just don’t wanna be there when it happens. ~Monk

If you ever watched Monk, you’ll find humor in that quote.

I talk about change a lot. I am one who doesn’t particularly like change. Even when I see a beloved actor age or die, I consider it to be a change in my life. Somehow I feel it’s altered me in some way. Maybe it’s just impacted my vision, in that nothing, or no one, lasts forever…or even stays the same.

Change can be difficult.

But then there are good changes too. Seasons come and go and each bring with it it’s own mystery and beauty.

Changes come almost daily with my grandchildren. Juneau started walking on her own two days ago. A couple of my grandkids are just beginning their long school journey. Thankfully, from home.

You hate to say goodbye to baby days, but the joy children bring to each new day, with their unique personalities and stages of development, are changes you just don’t want to wish away.

I have been experiencing changes in my life lately. I’m referring mostly to the internal changes which I believe are of greater importance. I am discovering who I am on a deeper level and coming to terms with where I am in the present time. Not that I’m not continually striving to be a better person because I am. I’m not stagnant. But I am more at peace with the things I cannot change.

Embrace the good changes in your life, and learn from the not-so-good. Change is inevitable so we need to accept it. ♥️

Andi

I wondered if my parents had gotten rid of these pots. We had two. I’ve seen these in antique stores and thought about purchasing one but it wouldn’t be the same. Then my sister sent me this picture yesterday. She asked if I would like the other one. Why, yes, I would!

It’s hard to believe that my mom cooked dinner for a family of five in one of these pots. Serving sizes were probably more correct, and therefore, healthier back in the 60’s and 70’s when we were growing up.

Mom made a delicious tomato soup in this pot. The best part of it was the bacon she added. I have her recipe. In fact, I have most of her recipes. I need to go through them again. Most are in her handwriting.

Two of the best meals to come out of that pot, no the three best meals, were Mom’s homemade spaghetti, our grandfather’s Hungarian goulash, and Dad’s gaucho Italian beef. Mmmmmm….those were the days.

Mom’s spaghetti sauce took all day to cook. She’d start that sauce early in the morning and it would simmer until Dad got home from work between 5 and 6. I think the secret to it being the best spaghetti sauce on the planet was the pork chop she threw in there in the morning. It simmered with the tomatoey ingredients until the bone came out clean. I remember those days, usually on a weekend, when the mouth watering aroma of that sauce filled the our home all day long.

I’ve tried to make Mom’s spaghetti and never got it to taste the same as hers. I guess because it was hers. You know, made with her love.

The goulash I’ve replicated and it is very good. And Dad’s gaucho beef…well, he bought it ready-made, Chicago style, probably from an Italian deli, and heated up in that pot. Then he made these delicious sandwiches with sweet peppers on special rolls. I found some Italian beef in the freezer section of a grocery recently, and while it’s not quite the same, it will do until I take the time to find an authentic recipe.

My sister remembers Mom making popcorn in that pot. I don’t recall that but I’m sure she had to make a couple of batches.

The picture of that pot on my sister’s stove, boiling potatoes, sure brings back memories. Mom’s potato salad started in that pot. Oh! and I remember when Mom was boiling eggs and they all exploded from the pot and hit the ceiling after the water boiled out. What a mess that was! I’ve done the same. I get it honest, kids. 😊 I could go on and on. Such good memories.

I think today I might go through some of Mom’s recipes and dig out a couple of favorites. And while I’m at it, I might dig out a pork chop from the freezer. ♥️

Andi

…O C T O B E R.

I posted this one year ago today. The breathtaking photos are so worth sharing again. I truly am sad to see October go.

I’ve fallen in love with the color of autumn gold. I recently bought a t-shirt in that color. In a pretty white font, the print on the shirt says, Fall is proof that change is beautiful. This has been a season of change for me…and for the most part…so far…it is beautiful. 🍁🍂🌾

I hope you enjoy October’s last days. Even the rainy ones are beautiful to me. Just like today.

Be grateful for the change of seasons. Each is unique and filled with delightful pleasures, beauty, and blessings. My love is autumn in October and I’m sad to see it go. I wasn’t done with it yet. ♥️

Andi

Photos: all mine. First six, Maine, October 2019; last eight, near my home

There is a place I go where I find peace. It’s not just one place, or two. It’s many places. It’s wherever the breeze finds me. It’s where I hear birds and tree frogs. It’s where I watch squirrels dart one way and then another; seemingly, without rhyme or reason.

I find peace at my perfect lunch spot, in the notch of a circle drive that nestles me up closer to the woods. The huge trees hang over me like a canopy and even on the hottest days of summer, they keep me cool. With the windows down, the breeze finds me and, I find peace.

Breezes from across the sea along the rocky Maine coast, that tangle up my hair, and those that breathe across the sandy beaches of the Gulf are refreshing with their salty tastes and smells.

The sun is an added blessing to the breezes in a day. And the crispness of a midnight breeze with the moon and stars above make me feel small and appreciative.

I love the outdoors. Away from the hustle and bustle of work and town life. In the solitude, I am closer to God. He is the breeze that touches my soul and brings me peace. And I am grateful for all of his creation.

I ran across this writing and it fits me. I’m not sure who Emelia is, but she gets it.

I am wishing you many moments of peace today. ♥️

Andi

Golden streaks of autumn sun,
Shoot through the forest trees,
Enhancing every color scheme,
Contained within the falling leaves.

A spider’s web hangs gracefully,
Created skillfully through the night,
Glistening with the morning dew,
A chef d’oeuvre of pure delight.

The air is crisp and clean these days,
It refreshes my very soul,
And awakens a youthful spirit within,
Once again…I feel whole.

Grapes adorn the twisting vines,
Shades of purple, orange, maroon, and green,
This kaleidoscope of color and taste,
Beckoning me these vines to glean.

Though I walk alone, alone I’m truly not,
For my senses are my friends this day,
As I behold God’s awesomeness,
In the beauty of this fall display.

October 3, 2012

While I’m grateful for every season, autumn is my favorite. My manager, Sydney, and I were discussing this today. There’s something special about fall. It has a sad, but happy presence. Melancholy. Maybe because the beauty is short-lived. It is the season where everything you feel is magnified, but in a good way. The air is crisp and I, personally, feel more alive than any other time of the year. There are so many wonderful scents of autumn. Piles of raked leaves, a bonfire, a walk through the woods, and hot cinnamon apple cider all leave you wanting more. Romance is in the air too, complete with warm arms wrapped tightly around you, chilly noses, and interlaced fingers. It’s just all so perfect.

I truly hope that you can find time to enjoy this season in all its glory. Don’t put it off because autumn doesn’t wait for anyone. She leaves as quickly as she arrives.

Be grateful for autumn. ♥️

Andi

Photo: origin unknown

I noted in my last post that I am still willing to learn the life lessons that God presents to me. Actually, I’m excited about learning.

I was taught a great lesson just this morning. A lesson in which I discovered myself to be in error concerning a topic I preached most of my adult life. I felt the quick, sharp pain of this realization in my heart. And I will admit my error wholeheartedly.

I just finished a personal Bible study on being single. It was a four-day devotional I found on YouVersion. Sometimes if I am doing a study on my own, I will finish it in a day. Today I finished days 3 and 4. Day 3 was a life changer for me.

I used to write often about the relationship of a husband and a wife. How they should complete each other. I’d write about my desire to be in a relationship with a man who would complete me and I, him.

But today I see how wrong I was in my thinking. We are not half of a person to be completed by another.

A quote from my study: God never said the halves will become one flesh. He said, “the TWO will become one flesh” (Mark 10:8 NIV).

Isn’t that a simple concept? Two complete beings come together. Not two halves. Why was this so hard for me to see all these years? God is the only one who completes us. Our significant other is a bonus, a gift.

Men and women are quite different and we compliment each other because of those differences. Our strengths and weaknesses balance out the relationship. God completes us as individuals. The union is blessed as two complete beings come together to build something spectacular. God’s design is perfect.

I had to share this thought with you today as I have spoken so many times about finding that someone to complete me. God never suggested that concept, ever. It’s funny how we can manipulate feelings, wishes, and dreams into our own reality and make it truth. Actually, it’s kinda scary.

Proverbs 3:3-8

3. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.

4. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.

5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding.

6. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

7. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

8. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

I have searched my whole life for someone to give me something that they cannot. How unfair to burden another with such a heavy load of expectation and demand. Give me completeness. That’s just an impossible request.

Find your completeness in God. Don’t expect someone to give to you what you cannot give to them. ♥️

Andi

Photo credit: Mattea

Our God is an awesome God. Or better yet, our God is THE awesome God. My sweet Belle was the inspiration of this simple post today as she sang this song to me this morning while wearing her Princess Belle dress. There’s nothing more precious than hearing a child praising God in song.

I fail him so often but I ask for his patience as I am still teachable. And I want to learn. I feel if I reach a point where I am no longer willing, my presence here is no longer needed. I desire to be a strength and support to my children and grandchildren, most importantly…even if I don’t always have all the right answers.

Nehemiah 9:6
You are the Lord, you alone. You have made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and you preserve all of them; and the host of heaven worships you.

Praising God for all the blessings he has poured upon my life each and everyday. He is ever-present and ever-loving.

God is awesome.
His way is perfect.
His Son is perfection.

I hope this beautiful song finds a place in your heart throughout this day. ♥️

Andi

AWESOME GOD

When He rolls up His sleeves He ain’t just putting on the ritz
(Our God is an awesome God)
There’s thunder in His footsteps And lightning in His fists
(Our God is an awesome God)
And the Lord wasn’t joking When He kicked ’em out of Eden
It wasn’t for no reason That He shed His blood
His return is very close And so you better be believing that
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

And when the sky was starless In the void of the night
(Our God is an awesome God)
He spoke into the darkness And created the light
(Our God is an awesome God)
Judgement and wrath He poured out on Sodom
Mercy and grace He gave us at the cross
I hope that we have not
Too quickly forgotten that
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

Our God is an awesome God (Our God is an awesome God)
He reigns from heaven above (He reigns from heaven above)
With wisdom, power, and love (With wisdom, power, and love)
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God
Our God is an awesome God

Written by: Richard W Mullins
Album: Winds Of Heaven, Stuff Of Earth
Released: 1988

Today would be my dad’s 81st birthday. Sadly, he left this earth before either of us were ready. It’s hard to let go of unfinished business. He and I had much left undone and unsaid.

As I was going through the treasures that I was given after he passed away, I found this rock. This describes his life to a “t”. It helps me to make some sort sense of all I found to be confusing and frustrating about him.

I miss my father. He was complicated. But so am I. He was a deep thinker. I am too. He was, ohhhhh…so stubborn. Am I? I’d like to think not. But I am very passionate about certain things. Where he found grey, I found black and white, and vise-versa. We shared many of the same traits…just on opposite ends of the spectrum. And at times, those differences separated us by a margin far greater than the east is from the west.

My dad seems to be even more present in my life now than when he was here. I suppose it is because of the unfinished business. He is on my mind more than any one person alive or deceased. My best friend passed away almost six years. We knew where we stood with each other and we shared such a fantastic love for each other for over 30 years before she died unexpectedly. Same for my mom. There was no doubt about our love-filled relationship.

But then there’s my dad. Ever present. Death hasn’t silenced his voice inside my head. I know that sounds creepy but truly, it is not. As I walk back through his life, I can now recognize all that he taught me without him actually having taught me. If that makes sense. I separate the good from the bad, and the good pushes me to do better. And all of it helps me to understand me better.

My dad definitely heard a different drummer and he stepped to that beat all his life. Unashamed. Unapologetic. Unrestrained. He truly was a complicated man, but an accomplished man. At least in the terms of the world. He set out to do many things and he did them all. Maybe he was seeking to fill a void that I believe he knew he had deep within his soul. He just couldn’t grasp what it was and maybe that was the restlessness he suffered throughout his life. Perhaps that restlessness is what pushed him to succeed in whatever sought. Regardless, he lived life fully…and I sure miss him.

After work tonight, I will go to Moore’s Bar and sit. Thirty-five years ago, long before I moved to this area, he frequented this bar. From what I understand the bar has not changed since. Maybe minor touches here and there but the detail is pretty much the same. I feel close to him there because he was there.

I will have a drink and wish he was sitting across from me so I could tell him one more time just how much I love him and I’d wish him a happy birthday. ♥️

Andi

Today I enjoyed a special treat by a special friend, Pam. She invited me to a flower arranging class with her. Actually, her husband treated us. He knows her love for flowers and he did this for her and she asked me to come along. This was a lovely way to spend a Saturday morning.

Pam lives 46 minutes from me and then the florist where the class is held is another 30 minutes from her. We hopped into her beautiful black charger and took off on this picture perfect autumn day. After traveling through many roundabouts (I could not live there) we finally made it to the shop.

I had worked for a florist for seven years. We were a small town business. Our store was also a gift shop filled with sweet treats, clothing, accessories, sorority items, and many other treasures.

This florist was located in its own classy brick building. Orchids greeted us when we walked in. I have a fondness for orchids. I was greatly impressed that the whole store was one huge design area. Where I once worked all the designing was in a back room.

There was a large walk-in cooler at the back of the store. Large tables were set up for designing. I was surprised at all the men and women working there. Loading up vans, prepping flowers and greenery, and creating gorgeous arrangements. I felt like I was in Santa’s workshop with all the busyness. It was a great feeling.

We walked past a bucket and Pam pointed out the roses in it. Lavender roses. My absolute favorite. They mean love at first sight.

Class started and as I pulled the guard petals of each rose, I thought of the beauty in each flower and how much flowers mean to me.

It didn’t take long to complete our arrangement. We started with the lavender roses. Then we added the greenery, the branches of brown leaves, and a tiny pumpkin. I was used to starting with greenery but this worked out nicely. Our autumn arrangements are beautiful.

Flowers soothe the soul. Pam is the human form of a flower and I appreciate her so much. We had a wonderful day together. ♥️

Andi

Mother’s are extraordinary. Moms are really super heroes often disguised in food stained aprons, messy hair, and unshaven legs. Their energy and will to persevere comes from deep within the center of the earth. That same place where my boys once said I made chili.

Moms are resilient. A mom sometimes runs off little to no sleep. She thinks ahead of her family’s needs and plans accordingly. She teaches. She protects. She loves.

A mom is not always made of steel and her shield sometimes drops to the floor. Don’t be fooled though as it’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a regrouping of sorts. She may cry a boatload of tears in the shower but then she dries herself off and exits as an even stronger woman. God was precise in His design.

Yesterday, my youngest daughter, Mattea, gave me one of best compliments of my life. This is in reference to my anxiety as her eldest sister, Denae, was admitted to the hospital to deliver her second child. Her first delivery, four years ago, was quite an ordeal with a lot of scary moments.

Mattea said, “Denae is a strong girl. She can do it. You raised pretty strong girls, Momma.”

I did.

In fact, all three are exceptionally strong. Any one of them is so much stronger than I ever hoped to be.

My Denae was never afraid of this second attempt at child birth even with the memories of four years ago. No. My Denae has been confident. She’s been optimistic with a side of logical caution. At least she never led me on to any degree of reservation, fear, or anxiety. My Denae is a strong woman and an even stronger momma.

This second attempt at delivery was difficult yet not as traumatic as the first. It still required another emergency surgery. Luka was born last night. A big boy, almost nine pounds, and resembles his sister, Kota Bear. We are so in love. The amazing heart never fills of too much love. There’s always room for one more.

My Denae is the perfect image of a momma bear. She has that strength. Even at 5’3”, she is a mom you do not want to cross. (Maybe it’s the feisty Italian woman in her.) She is most certainly powered by love. A love that God designed from the very beginning and blessed womankind.

Praying for quick healing, comfort, and rest for my daughter. Her husband sent me this text last night: “Your baby girl did good.” Yes, she did. And I couldn’t be more proud of her. ♥️

Andi

I took my lunch at 1:00 as usual but I did not go to my usual spot today. I went to a different park. It’s the park where I ran my first 5k. It’s where my family shot fireworks for the community on the 4th of July. And it is the only park here with a pool. The pool is now closed. It actually closed when school started this year. What a short season. From my parking spot I can see the kiddie splash park, which is still open, but today no one was there.

I was relaxing, windows down, listening to my audio Bible study. A van pulls in a few places down from me. I see what appears to be a couple in their 30’s. They stay in the van with windows up. Both are looking down at their phones.

I continue listening to my Bible study when I see a girl walking toward me while looking down at her phone. She holds it tightly with both hands and close to her face. She stops near my passenger window and mumbles something.

“What?”

She mumbles again.

“What?”

Louder, she repeats, “Are you playing Pokémon Go?”

“No!”

She doesn’t flinch. She walks around the front of my car, barely glancing up as she continues on. She walks over to the van. The driver rolls down his window and they have a conversation. Apparently, they are playing this stupid thing too.

After a bit, the van leaves and slowly drives through the park. I didn’t pay attention to where the girl went. My only thought was oh, brother! people still do this?!

This girl walked through a park on a beautiful day and saw nothing. Granted, I know zero about this game but I feel she set herself up to be hurt or taken advantage of by not being fully aware of her surroundings.

When I left the park, I saw her down standing on a street corner with the phone in both hands and held even closer to her face. She just stood there.

I can barely imagine having free time at all, but if I had free time, to only spend it chasing something on my phone.

I told my daughter about this when I got home and she told me that people have died playing that game. She told me someone actually walked off a cliff to their death because the phone was in their face. I can’t even imagine this.

We certainly live in a warped reality anymore. Thanks to our advancement of technology to null and void the things of greatest importance.

*Being in nature but not a part of it.

*Not being present while in the company of others.

*Gaming over responsibility.

*Work ethics destroyed.

*The world is at our fingertips while our family becomes distant.

I miss the good, old days.

I thought Pokémon Go was a thing of the past. Maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. I wish it would go away along with many other distractions we have in life.

I can’t help but feel that these distractions will cause us painful regret on our deathbed because they robbed us of time. Time we could have laughed more, hugged more, loved more. Along with all the treasures that give life quality and meaning. Regret is a horrible thing.

God didn’t intend for our minds to be so distracted. That is a tool of Satan. I encourage you this weekend to set aside distraction and be completely present in your life. Make good memories. Be kind and helpful. Connect with God. Hug someone you love, tightly.

Have a wonderful weekend. May you be filled to the brim with happiness and fulfillment. ♥️

Andi

I took the day off for an appointment. I could have just missed half a day but I never miss work and I need to start some self-care. I didn’t get paid but taking care of me has to be a priority. I haven’t been taking care of myself as you recall in recent posts.

I told myself I was going to do several things that used to make me happy. Well, I did. And I even had a very welcomed surprise at the end of my day.

Here’s how my day went.

First thing, I stayed in bed longer. Yeeehaaaa

I drank coffee while I did my Bible study and wrote. Then I posted on my blog. Writing always makes me happy. I received a wonderful comment on my post from a friend which made me even happier. She even invited me to visit her church. I post stuff and then wonder how they will be received.

I got ready for my appointment and enjoyed my music on my 40 minute drive. Nothing is close by here in the boonies.

I got a free car wash at my favorite car wash. Wooooohoooo!! My car was very dirty from having to take my daughter to work at the Barn on weekends. A bridge is being replaced so it’s six miles of gravel road! Dust gets in everywhere.

After the car wash, I went to GoodWill to look for fall decor for the work. Didn’t find anything but I had fun looking. I love looking for treasures.

Got home and took a wonderful nap after eating a healthy lunch.

Made a fall design for my personal office. Gosh, I miss making arrangements.

I messed with my plants which always makes me feel good.

Then I cleaned the inside of my car. You have no idea how much I love a clean car.

But….

While in the garage, my daughter heard Nyx cry. She looked up in time to see the neighbor’s dog running to his backyard. Nyx…oh my. Every strand of hair on her body was standing on end. She ran and hid. She wouldn’t even come to me.

I texted my neighbor. You might remember him from my post “Silent Revenge” and the one a long time ago about the Chicken Man. I probably didn’t need to start off my text using his words from his text concerning my lawn guy crossing into his yard, but I did. My bad. But, I’ll tell you that I did end my text on a good note. I told him I don’t want trouble between us and that I prefer we were friends. I said neighbors need each other.

He wrote back on a nice note and apologized. We conversed all through the evening. I apologized for my lawn boy getting in his yard. He was sorry about his dog getting into mine. We shared other things too that helped us to better understand each other. This was my great surprise of the day. 😊

Then I worked out. The little I could do was wonderful. I will get stronger. Baby steps. Ezekiel created a chart of things for us to accomplish daily. Slave driver.

So my day off was a good day. Could I use another day? Most certainly. But I’ll take what I can right now.

As for my post this morning about forgiving and letting go…concerning my neighbor…I let it go, as did he. If he were to come to me in the future and apologize for hanging the dead chicken off my porch and for telling the police I killed it, I most definitely will forgive him. But until then I am letting go. We made great strides tonight and I am grateful…and relieved. He even said he feels better after talking.

A good day in my book. I needed to share this with you before I went to bed.

Goodnight. ♥️

Andi

Ezekiel and I started a Bible study today on forgiveness. I have my own thoughts on this topic. I think there is a difference between “letting go” and “forgiving”. God forgives us when we ask for His forgiveness. Does He forgive us when we don’t ask? Why would He expect us to do something that He does not do Himself? If I am wrong in my thinking, I need to be shown.

Example: I do not forgive my ex mother-in-law or ex brother-in-law. But I have let them go and moved on. I realize that they have to live with their own sins as I have to live with mine. I choose to walk away from theirs.

Why would I forgive someone who is not sorry? Does God forgive me if I’m not sorry, remorseful, or repentant? Again, why would He expect me, a mere human, to do something that He does not do.

When Jesus was on the cross and He asked His Father to “forgive them for they know not what they do”, did God forgive them? No. Otherwise the Bible would have ended at the cross scene and it surely didn’t. Why?

Jesus paved the way, through His shed blood, to forgiveness. Sin is something that we need to recognize before we desire His mercy and forgiveness. We respond accordingly by repentance and asking for His forgiveness.

I am at peace with walking away and removing myself from the presence of those who have sinned against me, who continue to remain in that same sinful mindset, and have not acknowledged it. I am all forgiving when someone comes to me. The hardest person for me to forgive is myself. A work in progress.

Food for thought today. ♥️

Andi

I was lying in bed this morning, thinking. I’ve been trying to figure out me and what’s changed over the past couple of years. Mostly, the last year and a half. Three words came to my mind: I gave up.

I was pondering the questions of why am I feeling so bad, mentally and physically? What has changed between 2019 and today? I was energetic. I was in decent physical shape. I cared.

Granted, much has changed in our world during these past two years and none of it has been conducive to good healthy minds and bodies. I will put most of the blame on that. We went through something horrible that not even our parents have experienced in their lifetime. It was something out of a science fiction book. A terribly horrific movie that we were forced to lived. We were beaten down mentally, separated from each other, divided, and confined.

I will admit that during those first two weeks of confinement to slow the spread, I enjoyed the quietness of the outdoors, the beauty of the sky, and time with my girls. But the reality is this: we shouldn’t have to be forced into a lockdown to recognize what is of greatest importance in our lives. I learned a great lesson from those two weeks. Treasure what is in front of you.

At that time I worked in long term health care and 2020 was a difficult year to say the least. Although, I love and miss the residents, I had to leave. I was forced out actually because of the differences between my beliefs and management’s mandates and what I believed to be cruel and unusual separation between the residents and their family and friends in their time of most need. I no longer felt part of the solution. I was part of the bigger problem that I was unable to fix. For my own conscience’s sake, I had to leave even though I felt guilt in doing so. I still do two years later.

I was then without a job for 2 1/2 months. I supported my daughter and myself by means of my savings. I had tried from May to October to get unemployment because my hours were greatly cut but the unemployment office said that I made too much money. $250 was, in their eyes, too much. While my ex-sister-in-law was given $1,000 a week for months in unemployment (which was more than what she made when working), I brought home less than $250 in earned money. How did anything in 2020 make sense?

Even though I made it through that year the stress of these issues broke my spirit. In December 2020, I settled for a job that I did not want. And I’m still there.

I took the desk job in a windowless office. From 8-5, I sit in front of three monitors in a high stress customer service job. I’ve gained weight. My mind is exhausted. It’s drained my spirit. I no longer enjoy much of anything. I’m so depleted at the end of the day that I can’t function at home. There’s no working out. No walking. No energy. No purpose. No desire. Everything I loved to do in life and everything that gave me joy is just gone. It even separated me from my family and those I love.

I have given up.

The compilation of the last two years can be summarized as a big ball of cancer. And it’s not just me that it’s consumed. It’s all of us, worldwide, in one way or another. The untimely death of people we love has also been devastating blows to the heart. But since I now recognize where I am, it’s time to pull myself up and out of this ball of cancer. I cannot allow this destructive state of mind to steal another day of my life.

As you recall from my recent post, my youngest son came back home. I won’t go into the circumstances surrounding his move home as it’s not my story to tell the world, but I will tell you about the growth in his spirit. The conversations we have are enlightening to me and I am learning much from my child who has gone through so much. I truly believe he could be an inspirational speaker.

I had him read a book when he first moved here. It’s called Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. It’s an amazing story of the human mind and the will to live under the cruelest of all conditions, in a concentration camp. This deepened his belief in how powerful the mind is and how its power can overcome weakness and tragedy in whatever our current circumstance.

All of this, his insight on all that he’s lived through and overcome, the lessons from the book, and our deep conversations have been inspiring to me. I think the combination of these things have brought me to full realization of my life this morning.

I had given up.

I told my son my thoughts. He was greatly pleased that I am able to acknowledge the current state of my existence, or nonexistence, which is probably a more accurate description of my life.

I got out of bed feeling more energized than I have in a very long time. I plan to beat this mindset and find myself once again. An even better me.

Today is another day one for me. I have plans to do things that used to always bring me great joy. It’s also the time of year where I feel my best. Autumn is a drug to me. It’s energizing, inspiring, refreshing. I will work off its energy and along with this new mindset, I will separate myself from the cancer. Now is the time to heal and repair the damage to my mind and body. I used to love taking care of myself and I will again.

Tomorrow I go back to my desk job. It’s going to be tough. But hopefully the things I do today will help me with tomorrow. And hopefully, I will never again fall back into the same trap of feeling worthless and empty as I have over the last couple of years.

Don’t ever let others (or a job) confine you, or more importantly, redefine you.

And don’t forget the place from where we are slowly exiting. Learn from the last couple of years so we don’t fall into the same trap again.

Do you remember the arrows on the floors in stores to steer you correctly down aisles? Can you actually believe we complied with that? Do you recall the circles on the floor that told you where to stand? Don’t forget these, please. We were compliant little lab rats and most definitely laughed at by those in higher places. I picture those people on the ceilings watching us move through the stores through the mazes they created. I can still hear their laughter. We were being humiliated and didn’t even realize it. And sadly, our spirit was broken throughout this whole ordeal. It is quite disturbing to know that this was/is intentional. You have the right to disagree. But following arrows and standing on dots do not stop the spread of disease. So humiliating.

Don’t let others steal your spirit. You have value. Don’t give up. Giving up was never in God’s design. Surrendering to His will is, but not to the unrighteous will of others. ♥️

Andi

Photos: St. Joe, MI, June 2017

Ezekiel and I had a discussion a couple of nights ago about how to make dreams come true. He said, “You need to break a dream into goals because you’ll never get to the top of the stairs without steps.” That makes sense. I told him I created a quote and had it specially made to attach to my office wall.

Determination behind the dream is key.

If only I would heed my own words!

I’ve written before about how my dad made things happen. He didn’t just dream things. He set goals and made dreams reality. Me…I’m stuck on the fluffy, cottony cloud of dreams. A safe place, I suppose, But in reality it’s a sad, frustrating place to live.

My dad had a dream to play the guitar so he bought one and taught himself to play. He later bought a banjo and played in a band in the ‘60’s. He wore black pants, a red and white striped jacket, and a hat. I know I have colored pictures somewhere but all I came across was this black and white photo. Dad is second from the left. In his later years, Dad and his wife played ukuleles with a group of friends.

When I was in high school Dad let me use his guitar so I could learn to play at school. My favorite song to play was Stairway to Heaven. I loved that guitar and spent many Saturday and Sunday afternoons sitting on my bunk bed just plunking away.

Once we moved from that high school to another state, where guitar class was not offered, the guitar was put away.

All throughout my life I’ve thought about that guitar and how much I’d love to play it again. But Dad had it with him a thousand miles away. I was busy with children and homeschooling so guitar playing thoughts were put on the back burner.

A close friend of mine gave me a guitar for Christmas a few years ago. I’ve gotten it out and tried to play but I would get frustrated with myself. I forgotten most everything. So the guitar was put away.

My dad passed in March of 2021. As his wife sorted through his things she’d ask us kids what we would like to have of his. The guitar came to me as no one else had an interest in it. I picked up the guitar a couple of months ago when I traveled to North Carolina.

I recently got the guitar out. Bittersweet feelings rushed over me. Dad put this guitar in its case and I took it out. The little compartment within the case housed a pitch pipe, picks, and guitar strings. It was quite an emotional moment. But my old friend has finally returned to me. It’s been 45 years since I last held it. Now it’s time to consider bringing our music back to life.

I don’t need to be a stellar guitar player. I have a couple of songs I’d like to learn and then I will be happy. Ventura Highway (America) and Harvest Moon (Neil Young).

Last year, I was on the phone with a elderly customer. He was quite talkative and somehow the topic of music came up. He plays the guitar and offered to teach me once I told him my story. I think I will give him a call.

The guitar is another connection between me and my dad. One of the beautiful connections. ♥️

Andi

As some of you may recall, I have the yard from hell. It has caused me much grief and has aged me about 8 years. At least.

I dropped 12 ash trees two years ago. My yard has never recovered. The damage from the trees falling and from removing them has greatly damaged my yard. I love my Husqvarna but it’s not powerful enough to mow my large ditch.

The ditch and weeds are out of control. I have been paying one guy to mow my ditch and another to weed eat. Last fall. I paid a guy $1,000 to help me. He did a few things for me. Then he said he’d be back this spring. Spring came, and in April, I messaged him. He said he’d be coming out as soon as the weather breaks. It is now September 10th. I think the weather has broken. Yep, $1,000. Gone. He’s the brother of one of my friends. That makes it even more frustrating…and unbelievable.

Being a single woman is difficult. Being a gullible single woman is even worse. I want to believe and trust everyone.

Men think and work differently than women. They are a compliment to women if you really think about it. A man wouldn’t hesitate to figure out a plan for my yard and make it happen. Even in mowing a yard. How do they mow in such beautiful straight lines? My yard looks like a complex maze. I know the neighborhood men must cringe whenever they hear me start up my mower. Men know how things work mechanically too. Like in how to take care of a Husqvarna. They know what to listen for and they’re not afraid to get on the ground and look under things. They just know stuff. Women know important stuff too. Just different stuff.

So in my loneliness as a single woman, I have prayed for a companion. Someone who can love and appreciate who I am…even if I’m not packaged as beautifully as in my younger years.

I have prayed that God would send to me a man to be my best friend and confidant. One who helps with the decision making and holds me on hard days.

And I have prayed for a man who will help me with my yard. I prayed for all of the above.

Now I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of the mind of God. I send things up to Him and He handles them accordingly. Yes, I prayed for a man to help me with my yard. And He answered.

God is funny.

God sent me a man. He sent me my son.

My youngest son had no choice but to move back home a month ago. Life isn’t always fair. And it surely wasn’t to him. So guess who’s been taking care of my yard?

I can sit here on my front porch swing and try to understand God’s reasoning, but that will get me no where fast. God is good and He is perfect. He knows what’s best. My son is here in a safe place. I am able to provide that. He’s taking care of my yard too. At least the areas where he is able to. That’s a blessing. But as for my other prayer requests, well…I guess I will keep praying. At least I know that God hears me.

I shared with my son the prayers I’ve been praying. We definitely get a good laugh out of it.

God doesn’t always answer exactly how we expect. And that’s ok. He’s not a genie in a lamp who grants wishes. He’s all knowing and all loving. Never stop praying because He never stops listening. ♥️

Andi

Psalm 71:8
My mouth is filled with your praise, and with your glory all the day.

My Christianity has taken me on journey through hills and valleys and unpaved, tumultuous pathways. I have seen the best and the worst in Christians and in church organizations. I have felt both safe and unsafe by things taught from the pulpit.

I’ve left congregations because of things taught as law but of which are truly a matter of conscious. I’ve seen where traditions have become rules simply because ideals were passed down through the generations of family within a congregation. Being an outsider is sometimes a blessing.

From the pew, I have been presented with distorted biblical concepts but also given lessons which connect-the-dots and guide me to a better understanding of God with greater love, admiration, and appreciation for Him. I praise God and the Holy Spirit for helping me discern between distortion and truth.

1 Samuel 2:2
There is none holy like the Lord: for there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.

In this season of my life, sadly, I am without a church family. I miss it in many ways but I do not miss the conflict.

Currently, I enjoy the studies and devotions found on YouVersion. This morning I chose a three-day devotional which I completed in one sitting. It is titled “Called Outside Your Comfort Zone”.

The second part of the devotion was about not allowing Satan to steal your praise toward God. It was something I needed to hear.

Praising God should always be first and foremost in our heart and on the tip of our tongue. He has blessed us in innumerable ways. Some blessings we can see but probably most are behind the scenes.

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

In this life we certainly have more distractions than ever before. Satan keeps us busy and we are readily willing to comply.

I read a quote this morning by Jon Kabet-Zinn:

Even before smart phones and the internet, we had many ways to distract ourselves. Now that’s compounded by a factor of trillions.

With distractions comes an unwillingness to praise God. Maybe it’s just an oversight and neglect. We are spent from all that has consumed our time and our thoughts throughout any given day. Satan will use whatever he can to diminish our time and desire for worship and praise.

This devotional reminded me that we do not have to be in the best spirit to praise Him. We do not have to be happy in order to give Him thanks. We can praise God through tears of sadness, loneliness, and pain. We can praise God when we are weak, depleted, vulnerable, and even when angry. We can praise God in the chaos of life.

Isaiah 25:1
O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure.

Praising God for who He is should not be conditional on how we feel or what we are going through. Even through our brokenness, God sees our heart and loves us.

Praising God strengthens us. It is our connection, our lifeline, between our soul and our Creator. Don’t allow distraction to break your worship and praise. ♥️

Andi

I went to my usual napping place at lunchtime. A beautiful day after a couple of stormy nights. My parking spot in the park is in a shady nook of the circle drive which is covered by a canopy of heavy leafy branches on the edge of the thick woods.

I open my windows, lay my seat back…and listen. And I feel.

I feel a part of the breeze and of all the sounds. Even the earthy smell of the damp forest floor gives me peace. I watch the birds fly above me and for a moment I wish I had beautiful, powerful wings. I feel a part of it all.

I choose not to talk anyone. No texting or phone calls. I sometimes eat but not often. I sleep for only about 10 minutes. Fifteen, at the most. The majority of time is spent emptying my head and refilling it with dreams, thoughts of romance, and reminiscing of days long gone. I’m still a young schoolgirl at heart. Nature inspires me and I most definitely feel closer to God.

The girls from work think it’s funny that I do this everyday. That I can actually sleep and not set an alarm. But this is my quiet place to unwind and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Today, though, I could barely sleep. There was something new, but familiar in the air. It heightened my senses to another level. As in the anticipation of seeing a loved friend who has been away for a lengthy period time.

Change was in the air.

It is Autumn. My favorite season is just around the corner. Autumn holds many emotions for me. Happiness, joy in holidays and family gatherings, cozy nights, fresh crisp days, bonfires, romance…but pain, as well, in the loss of my best friend and our shared love for all that I have mentioned.

Still…this is the only change I truly love and look forward to. The people in my life know I’m not so good with change otherwise.

There are other signs of change appearing in my life presently. I’m hesitant to accept them with open arms. Fear of the unknown, I suppose. Only time will tell. But today…today my heart was light and happy.

These signs of change couldn’t have come at a better time. ♥️

Andi

My dad’s mother’s family is from Naples, Italy. I do not remember my grandmother as she passed away when I was about three years old. Sadly, my dad lost both parents about seven days apart, in separate hospitals, and both from heart disease. As I grew up, I thought Grandma looked like Judy Garland. Sometimes I imagined they were one and the same. That’s the fantasy of a young girl’s mind.

My grandmother wrote a lot of poetry. I always felt I inherited my love for writing from her. She was a very strict Catholic so much of her writing centered around that. After my dad passed last year, her writings came to me. What a treasure.

When I was visiting my father in Italy, he and I went to a little off-the-beaten-path cafe to eat. It was tucked away in a home that was converted into a diner. Every piece of furnishing was probably from the ‘30’s and ‘40’s. While the food was delicious and the cafe beautifully preserved in time, my father and I had a falling out of sorts. It was an attack on my heart and one of the worst altercations between us, ever. And while I won’t go into detail, it was a reminder of the power behind words. You don’t need to be a writer to understand that power. You need only to be its recipient.

My trip was in June of 2012. It wasn’t until October 31st of that year when my father called me. He said he was sorry for what he said all those months ago in that cafe. I never knew until that call that he even realized what he had said. And although I don’t believe he fully understood though the deep crushing pain he caused me, he apologized and that had to be enough. Then he sent me something he had written. I had zero idea until then that he even wrote.

This is the one and only writing I have of his. Maybe Dad wasn’t like me in that I have to keep everything I write. I guess writing is carried through the generations through our bloodline. Or, maybe it’s through our heart line.

The pictures attached are the walkway up to my dad’s home. In the picture below, the second doorway on the left is/was the tailor’s shop. I do not know the date Dad wrote this. I only have the date he sent it to me. I hope you enjoy this writing as much as I do.

The Tailor of Casoli (CH) Italy

He sits by the door as there are no lights, no electricity or water for that matter. Scraps of material hang on the wall with faded pictures and newspaper clippings of the past. Bits of cloth scatter the wooden floor. Dust clings to the underside of his sewing machine and all along the thin belt that drives his foot operated apparatus. Next to the cluttered table, on the floor to his right is a green canister that contains bottled gas to operate the iron for pressing clothes.

His sewing machine is as close to the glass door as possible so he can see to work. When practical, the door is left open. He can only work on the days of full light so he arrives early and stays as long as the day allows. The hot late summer days are more productive. The winters are cold and short. When dark clouds come, he closes the shop.He glances up when he sees me pass by the doorway on my way down the 150 stairs or to the Gran Cafe del Borgo in the piazza del Populo or to the main piazza further down the 223 stairs from my home. “Buon Giorno”, he says. “Buon Giorno”, I repeat. Sometimes I visit with him and try to understand his Italian. Sometimes I actually can, a little anyway. Today we actually had a little conversation.

Renato is 75 years old and has been a tailor since his learning days as a child. I know very little about him except that he lives in Fara San Martino, the little town famous for De Cecco pasta, a few short miles from here. Other than his birthday, December 30th, I know nothing else. He is a friendly man. I would like to know more.

~ Dennis G. S.

For the most part, my dad and I lived on opposite ends of life’s spectrum. Hence, our strained relationship. But the similarities we did share are treasures to me. Our love of music, flea markets, the sea, Italy, fishing, holidays, family gatherings, and writing. Those are what keep me close to him…those special things shared…through our heart line. ♥️

Andi

I love how nature teaches us things. Like…

Patience. There’s no rushing nature. Seasons come and go on the schedule that God set.

The ocean tides work along with the gravitational pull of the sun and moon. What does this teach us? I don’t know. I just find it interesting.

Animals often make better parents than some humans do. We can learn a lot from them.

The migration of the monarch is unique and impressive and should inspire us to do more than what we think we are capable of doing.

Nature can also teach us fun things too. Like how to dance.

Last year we learned the Cicada Dance. I wrote a post about that experience in June of 2021. Those 17 year cicadas came up out of the ground and really created a show for us. Or should I say, we put on a show for them. Cicadas would land on you just to watch your unique dance moves.

Well on Saturday I learned the Yellow Jacket Twist. And actually, Nyx learned it too. Whoever said you can’t teach old dogs new tricks? I mean…dances.

I know I’m not the first to do the Yellow Jacket Twist. I’m quite sure of that. It’s the first time for me though.

I was pulling weeds in the backyard when I disturbed an underground nest of yellow jackets. It took but a second for the angry wasps to find their way to me and Nyx.

Instantly, I felt their wrath. My arms began stinging badly. I had a hole in my jeans at the knee and they found their way into my pants. Stinging pain to my right leg. You could hear Nyx’s teeth as she tried to bite them out of the air. Thankfully, she was not stung.

I ran screaming with arms above my head moving swiftly in circular motions and batting at the air. My legs zig zagged me throughout a good half acre of my yard, twisting and twerking as I ran. (Well, maybe not twerking. Maybe more like convulsing.) And my loyal girl, Nyx, never left my side.

We ran through the backyard and then along the bean field behind the shed. We continued on through the side yard around the fire pit. We stopped once as I tried to get the wasps out of my pants and to free wasps caught in this wild hair. Stopping, though, only caused more pain so we ran some more.

We headed to the front of the house thinking we lost them. The screen door was locked. I began banging on the door! I saw a yellow jacket fly by my head. I was about in tears when someone finally let us in. Nyx and I ran inside only to find that two wasps followed us. One landed on my son’s shirt and he was able to kill it. The other was a little harder to catch, but we finally did.

I did some research and learned that yellow jackets are highly intelligent. No kidding. Then I researched how to get rid of them. I waited until midnight. I laid an old towel on the ground over the opening to the nest. I secured the towel with rocks and bricks. Then I poured a five gallon bucket of water mixed with laundry detergent and borax over the towel. Some of those babies were still able to get out and one chased me back into the house. I got him with wasp spray.

Two days later, I have yet to remove the towel. There are still clumps of detergent and borax laying on it. But I no longer see any sign of yellow jackets. I guess the survivors left for a quieter, less soapy piece of earth. Tonight as I sit outside, Nyx stands like a statue watching the area just daring them to come back.

I welted up pretty good on Saturday. Stinging, burning, and itching all at the same time. Today I’m just itchy.

So that, my friends, is the Yellow Jacket Twist. I’m sure the neighbor’s security camera caught my dance. Hopefully, they have no reason to review their footage of that day. 😬

Nature has a way of teaching us a lot of things. Sometimes those lessons come in the form of a dance. I can hardly wait for the dance of 2023.

Not. ♥️

Andi

Photos: beelinepestcontroldenver.com; my cicada pic; southernliving.com

2 Kings 6:16

In today’s world, we are forced to choose sides. Every matter of life seems to be divided right down the middle: right vs wrong, good vs evil, choice vs control, and of course, the CDC vs science. (Insert laugh track)

There seems to be no middle ground and both sides feel the other is attacking. Everyone is defensive. Everyone is stressed and working on their last nerve.

With God, there is a right and wrong, and clearly we are in a battle. A spiritual battle that bleeds into a physical battle of sorts. Standing up for righteousness is no easy task. It’s scary and today it’s even risky.

But God reassures us that when we are on His side we have everything to gain and nothing to lose. In our humanness, all we see is what we might lose and that is not something we get very excited about. So fear holds us back.

The scripture today gives us strength and reassurance that those who truly love God are never alone in any battle.

2 Kings 6:16
He said, “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them.”

Take heart that you are not alone.

Trust in Him to lead, provide, and protect what is His.

Be faithful.

Love God. ♥️

Andi

Is there shame in expressing sadness, heartache, or pain,
To look through the sun and only see rain,
Is it absurd of me to feel such emotions,
Must I drink from the well of those feel good potions?

My feelings are genuine and very real to me,
Please don’t condemn because you can’t see,
That the positive and negative, together compose,
The very essence of people, with their highs and their lows.

Perpetual happiness is wrong to expect,
When a heart is so broken; emotions reflect,
As God in the beginning blessed all of mankind,
With many emotions, at His will He designed.

So cherish and marvel at this wonderful gift,
Knowing life isn’t always joyful and bliss,
While lifting a sad soul to a happier place,
Know variety of emotion is worth the embrace.

By Andi
January 25, 2013

Photo: mine. Point Betsie, Lighthouse, MI

I was scrubbing my bathroom sink with my long-time friend, Bar Keepers Friend, to get the orange tint off from around the drain. I wondered, Really? Does anyone else have to do this? Am I the only one who has to scrub their sink?

When I was a young girl my mom would wash our hair at the kitchen sink. She’d use the sprayer to get my hair wet and then lather it up with shampoo. I remember how embarrassed I was that my mom did this. Not that my mom was washing my hair, but that no one else washed their hair. I was the only one. I was sure of it.

One day this spring I needed to mow my yard. Between the eight trees that were dropped and those darn moles, my yard is a lumpy, bumpy mess. My mower didn’t cut even. The blades dug into the ground too and once it actually shaved off the grass into a neatly rolled piece of sod. While I’m trying to pull wet, muddy gunk out from under the deck I’m wondering…am I the only one?

Tonight didn’t end well for me at work. Customer service took its toll when I had to hang up on an irate customer. Then on my way home I was almost rear ended by a woman who didn’t see I was stopped at a red light and she slammed on her brakes. She blew her horn at me as if I was the one who did something wrong. I looked to see if I could turn on red. Yep. I looked and it was clear so I turned right. That woman turned too and almost rear ended me again, still blaring her horn. I was embarrassed even though I did nothing wrong. Am I the only one?

To ice this cake of humiliation, just before I made it home, I hit two very large, beautiful butterflies who were flying side by side enjoying a cooler evening. My heart hurt.

My parents died. My Chelle died. I’ve lost so many others whom I loved. I’m still mourning the losses.

Am I the only one?

Am I really the only one who has to do miserable chores, who gets embarrassed, and who suffers?

No. And living with that tunnel vision is a pretty sorrowful way to live.

Everyone cleans their sink and even the toilet. Everyone brushes their teeth and even washes their hair. Everyone has a car that breaks down or a furnace that quits working. Everyone has a loved one who passes away. We have a tendency to think that while we are doing something we do not want to do or going through something painful that everyone else is living the dream. Untouched. Unscathed. And we despise that idea. The idea that others are free.

I wonder if Jesus ever thought, Am I the only one? Probably many times during His ministry here upon the earth. Maybe He felt He was the only one when His disciples slept as He wept for them in prayer.

We all have problems. Some have more, some less, but we all struggle in this life. The only real difference is that my problems are mine and yours are yours. So that which is in your procession can seem bigger than life and make you question, Am I the only one?

Truth is…no, you are not. Nor am I.

Just because we don’t see what goes on in other’s lives, doesn’t mean they are free from the burdens of this life.

Don’t let the thought bury you. I know it’s hard to do at times because I feel this often. It’s hard not to get caught up in self-pity. I have this tendency to feel that life is moving on without me while I scour the rust out of my sink.

Even though we are very different, we are probably more alike than we realize. I hope that if you are feeling despair you realize now that you are not alone. And also that the grass is never greener elsewhere than it is in your own backyard. No one lives quite as carefree as you may think.

I am not the only one.
And neither are you. ♥️

Andi

Photos: all mine 🙂

Ten years ago I was with my father at his home in Casoli, Italy. When he asked me to visit him there I readily said yes. Casoli is in the Province of Chieti in the region of Abruzzo.

My dad fell in love with Italy as it is part of our heritage. His mother’s family was from Naples and we have family from Sicily as well. What made him decide to actually buy a home there, I do not know exactly. But I’m glad he did.

Flying to Italy was no easy task for me as the thought of flying over water was terrifying. Thankfully, the flight was overnight. I tried not to think of the depth of darkness below me. I flew into Rome in the morning hours where Dad was waiting for me. We then drove about three hours to the east coast through the most beautiful Italian countryside.

For two and a half weeks I called Casoli my home. The village is very very old but so gorgeous. Window boxes of flowers and narrow, cobblestone streets welcomed me to this quaint little village.

Dad’s home is located at the very top of the mountain next to the Castello Masciantonio, a Renaissance castle. It is now a museum and Catholic Church. From my dad’s terrace, on a clear day you can see the Adriatic Sea about 15 miles away. Behind the castle is the snow-capped Majella mountain which I’ve heard, provides water to the village.

My bedroom window had only black metal bars. No glass or screen. There were wooden shutters to keep out the rain, snow, and cold. We were up high where the swallows flew. On my first afternoon there, I unpacked my belongings and then sat at the window.

I looked out over the roofs and cobblestone streets in the village below me. I could see hills and valleys lined with olive groves in the distance. Then I heard music. Beautiful music. A man was singing a most beautiful Italian song. Even though I believe it was a CD that someone was playing somewhere down below, it was so touching that I could have sat there forever, just listening. It filled the cobblestone alleys and wafted up to my window. It was peaceful, soothing, and ever-so romantic.

The village was clean and adorned with colorful flowers everywhere. The aroma of coffee, breads, and pizza filled the streets and alleys.

I visited a green house and found a florist as I walked around the village. That was interesting because at the time I worked for a florist.

In the evenings I observed small groups of daddies pushing strollers throughout the village. I found that to be a great indication of their dedication to family life. I was also intrigued by the old, unique doors that were everywhere. I have quite a picture collection of Italian doors.

Italians love to celebrate. And boy, they seem to find every reason to. I was able to observe a couple of fun events while there. The flower festival is quite a big deal. Everyone pitches in to lay flowers and colored sand in unique designs down the middle of the street from the Catholic church in the castle to the Catholic church at the bottom of the village. They start early in the morning and work all day to create this masterpiece. The “finale” is when the priest walks through the flowered path down to the church at the bottom. Many festivals are related to Catholicism but they all are immersed in color, such as with flowers and bright, colorful clothing.

I became friends with several of my father’s friends. Enio was my favorite. He has since passed away. He lived in Canada for a time in his life so I could communicate with him fairly well.

He took me on a tour through his ancient family wood shop. There he showed me a work bench that his family has used for 300 years. They made caskets, and I can’t remember what all else, but they eventually also owned the only hearse company in the village as well. Enio was such a pleasant man. I had always hoped to see him again. It just goes to show you that every minute counts in this life. I wish I had another minute with him. He became like family to me.

Of course, every town, city, and village has a unique person who stands out from the rest. Casoli has Melvis. I am not sure of his Italian name, but he combined it with Elvis. And that’s who he portrays.

From shoemakers, to bread bakers, to market owners, to jewelers, Casoli has just about everything. And most businesses close at noon only to reopen at 4:00 to complete the workday.

My dad and I drove to Pesaro on the Adriatic Sea one sunny day. It was a remarkable day. Even with my fear of water, I’d love to take a boat on a journey across the sea to Croatia and back again.

Throughout the cities and villages we visited were remnants of ancient life, left alone, and modern life built up in and around those structures. We saw the architectural beauty of old Catholic Churches with their ancient artifacts. Flowers of all kinds brightened every street. It was a lot to take in and I tried to absorb it all.

This was an adventure I shared with my dad. It wasn’t always easy being with there with him as we struggled with our relationship even there, but the adventure in Casoli was a once-in-a-lifetime dream. I definitely felt I experienced Italy being in a small village compared to a large touristy city…like Rome.

When it was nearing time to fly back to the states we spent my last three days in Rome. I can honestly say I did not like Rome on the first day. Dad’s wife took me to historical places (which is basically everywhere you look) and I began to love the city.

A highlight was seeing the Trevi Fountain, making wishes, and throwing coins back over me into the pool of water. Wishes and coins that were prepared in advance with the help of my adopted brother, Bruce. I kept them in a little draw-string bag. He helped to make this moment of wishes…magical.

And then there was Coliseum which brought tears to my eyes for all the Christian lives that ended there.

I’d like to believe there’s a possibility that this world will heal and it will become welcoming once again. I’d love to explore more of Italy.

Thanks for sharing a few of my memories of Italy and the time I had with my dad. So grateful he invited me to go. ♥️

Andi

Holding grudges. Have you ever thought of the ramifications of holding a grudge? Is it really harmless giving someone the silent treatment and ignoring them for a period of time? What’s the point? What do you expect to get from it?

When you think about it…holding a grudge is silent revenge. And it is most certainly not harmless. Silence speaks volumes. It is a dagger to the heart. 💔

Revenge is when you have this strong desire to get back at someone. Holding a grudge is exactly that. Receiving the silent treatment, the squinty stares, and being shamed and/or excluded is painful. And the grudge holder absolutely knows this. That’s why they do this.

An example is my neighbor. He is holding a grudge against me. He is an angry young man who feels quite privileged in this life. I dealt with him a couple of years ago. He moved from the city to the country. He bought chickens, a rabbit, and two dogs. Since we live in a rural area he thought we neighbors would welcome his animals to roam freely through our yards. That was not how we felt. But it was wonderful to him to be living the country dream where everything roams freely. Right?!

His dogs were not taught boundaries as mine were. Mine were even used to going to his place because we were close with the neighbors that lived there prior. But it took only a short time to teach our dogs the boundary was no longer to be crossed.

My new neighbor had two dogs. One was an expensive $15,000 dog. A pretty smart dog too – if only he had a better, more compassionate owner. His dogs would come to my yard and attack my dogs. Numerous times this happened.

His chickens would roam my yard. My dogs would become stupid as they got caught up in the chase and forgot all boundaries. Not fair to my dogs. Their black and white rabbit ran loose too and lived in my yard which drove my dogs insane, as you can only imagine. That cute little bunny dug three trenches under my shed. Not so cute.

I approached this man numerous times to keep his animals home but to no avail. The police and animal control were called out many times. The man was mad at me because his little boy saw the police in the driveway talking to his daddy frequently. Not my fault. But he tried to make it my fault.

Long story short, he hung a dead chicken off my back porch. He told the police he did it. Nothing ever became of it. But he told some fantastical lies to the police. It was a threat to me. That’s how I viewed it. He’s a cruel man and I feel sorry for his wife and little ones.

The animal problem ended for the most part about three years ago after our last meeting with animal control. The girls and I are forgiving and we wave hi to him but he will turn his head away and ignore us. He is holding a grudge.

He knows that by doing so, it inflicts some kind of pain. Even if it’s just a little pain, he finds his revenge and enjoyment in that.

Holding grudges is unhealthy, mentally and physically. It takes a lot of energy to stay focused on meanness. You may think you have the upper hand in the relationship, and maybe you do to an extent. But is it really worth it? Life. Is. Short.

Now after these last couple of years of no communication, my neighbor sent me a mean text last night about my lawn guy crossing the line into his yard. Still holding onto that grudge, I see.

In my opinion this man has not endured enough hardship in his life for him to truly appreciate life and to distinguish what is really important and what is not. I know this. Because I was in that place once.

I might contact the guy who did the land survey a couple of years ago and show this young man that he is actually claiming my yard as his. I’m pretty sure he’s on my property.

Christians should never hold grudges. Either fix the issue or let it go. Knowing you are intentionally hurting someone by holding a grudge is wrong. Holding a grudge is the total opposite love. I have been on both sides of a grudge. It’s not pretty on either end.

Not sure what to do with my neighbor. I will think about this some more. Choose your battles wisely; what is important, and what is not.

Grudges are cruel.

Forgive. Let go. Move on. Love. ♥️

Andi

Photo credits: all found online

I woke up this morning to a text that my son, Ezekiel, sent to me. It was beautifully written to say the least. I’d love to share it all here but it was written to someone in particular and that I must respect. My children are all blessed with the gift of writing and I couldn’t be more pleased. To be able to describe life and living or even story-telling in such detail is truly remarkable.

His words caused me to reflect on the friendships throughout my lifetime.

Friends come and go all through our lives. Some stay forever. Some leave this earth long before you were finished friendshipping. But all are a part of your story; a sentence, a chapter, or a permanent fixture in your book of life, and you are a part of theirs.

A thought from my 500th post works well here too.

When lives intertwine, there’s really no undoing that…ever.

A portion of Ezekiel’s text:

Every stage of life is a chapter in our personal book, written by our creator. So many adventures, experiences, laughs, and friendships. There are also times of challenge and struggle. But all can have a happy ending if we choose to follow Christ and learn from the dark times.

Characters in our pages come and go, though some remain in our story till the very end.

I don’t know the ending of my story nor do I know who will be there when the last sentence is written.

I have several beautiful friends in my life currently. I have been blessed with a few forever friends too. When a friend of mine, who was 30 years older than me, was near death, I realized how precious it was to be a part of his last chapter. We’d only know each other for about five years or so, but I was ever so grateful to know him late in life than earlier where maybe we would have parted ways for one reason or another.

After reading Zeke’s text, I thought of my new friend. I’ve only known Angie for a year and a half. She has a few nicknames, such as Miss Liberty and Sprinkles. But she is what I’d describe as my colorful friend. She beautiful, smart, and so witty. Her verbiage is the more colorful than the rainbow, but never vulgar or distasteful. I’m not sure how she manages to pull that off but she does.

Another one of her talents is that she can make me laugh hours later over a comment that was made at work, or through a text message, or a funny meme, or a TikTok video shared of a woman out on her beautiful deck all decorated with pumpkins and fall decor…in July! All I can say to that woman is…run! My Angie is not through with summer yet. My colorful friend.

I have many friends in my life who all mean something special to me. One hides in my shadows but always knows when I need him and I absolutely adore him. He’s my rock. I have longtime friends. We don’t see each often but the love remains strong. I have both male and female lifelong friends who never go away and who still manage to be written in almost every chapter of my life. I am blessed.

To all my friends: the ones I’ve had practically since my life began, to the ones I’ve loved deeply but parted ways for one reason or another, to the ones who are fairly new in my life, I leave you with this thought from Ezekiel’s text. It couldn’t be more fitting.

My heart tells me you aren’t just a secondary character. You’re not just a beautiful soul that blessed me for a short time and will vanish behind the turning pages.

And I will add:

If I’ve given you a piece of my heart along life’s way, you will never vanish from my story. Thank you for your beautiful addition to my life.

Have a blessed weekend. ♥️

Andi

Oh, and as a difficult as it may be, please refrain from any type of fall decor until at least September…please. Or my colorful friend might just hunt you down. 🍁🎃🍂

Tonight after I published my last post, I was notified that it was my 500th post. A huge milestone. Never have I dreamed I could write so much.

The strange thing though is that I don’t feel I’ve even started. This mind of mine is deep and intense. I feel everything and with great passion. Even with all that, I still feel I am lacking. Lacking personal fulfillment. I haven’t written enough. I haven’t explored, wandered, or adventured enough. I haven’t remembered enough. I haven’t loved or given of myself enough.

So I guess I will continue writing until such a time when I either feel fulfilled or when I simply can no longer put my thoughts and words together.

A milestone. 500 posts. 501 with this one.

If you don’t appreciate my posts, I thank you kindly for at least trying to hear me out. For those of you who have remained with me for all these 500 posts, I thank you with the deepest of gratitude. ♥️

Andi

PS I have thought of a title for a book I’d like to write. A title is a good start, don’t you think? Now to find the time….

Photo credit: tommccallum.com

I am cleaning and reorganizing my basement. In order to accomplish this I have to get rid of things. Sort, toss, donate, organize and store. This is particularly difficult when it comes to sorting through things that once belonged to loved ones. Those loved ones being Mom, Dad, and Chelle.

Besides the remarkable amount of pictures I have from each of them, I have trinkets, greeting cards, personal belongings, gifts, etc…

How do you pitch anything? Isn’t that like erasing them? I’m crushed with that thought.

I needed to think about how to address this huge task before me. I sat in the basement contemplating just what to do. There’s just so much stuff. This task seemed like an impossibility. I don’t want to lose them.

I began with Mom’s things. I looked through her huge totes of clothing, pictures, books, ID cards and badges from various places of employment, calendars noted with all her work hours and appointments, coffee mugs, things that belonged to her mother and grandmother, bibles, and writings – which include her endless handwritten lists, notes, reminders, quotes, and journals with all her many thoughts. (I knew right off I’d need to keep those.)

I asked myself…when I die, what would happen to each of these things? Would my children cherish them as I do? Probably not. Would they be tossed out without a second thought? Probably. But some things are still usable yet what good are they if left in a tote? Because my mom was the last to use it? And if I used it, I would erase everything meaningful about it? She, along with Chelle and my dad, would say…use it!

So I kept things out that I can use and donated what I know I won’t. For instance, I’m using my mom’s comb. I found it in an old purse of hers. I’ll use her note cards and stamps, although I will need to add a lot of extra postage. I wear her jewelry and cover with her blanket at night.

I did get rid of some hard things, like personalized sweatshirts that I made for her. They will never be worn again. They once served a purpose and she loved them. That will have to be enough. I just can’t store them only for my kids to dispose of later. I’m trying to make things easier for them for when my time comes.

This process has taken me a few weeks to do. Now their treasures, their lives, are condensed to one container each. I look at these and can’t help to feel sadness. Decades of life and living condensed to a single, plastic tote.

Maybe I just feel too damn much…

I guess what’s most important are the memories. And, for me, pictures are just that. When I look at a picture, I can remember. I remember particulars surrounding that moment. I remember how I felt. I feel the emotion. I feel the day. Pictures are probably the most valuable of all material things to me, along with thoughtful writings written by these special people.

Death is a part of life. I get it. But it’s painful. And it’s hard. And it’s most unenjoyable. I don’t want to forget and that’s a fear of mine.

When lives intertwine, there’s really no undoing that…ever.

I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss Chelle. I miss Taylor. I miss all those who’ve touched my heart deeply and then had to leave.

So tonight I’m going to enjoy my bourbon barrel blackberry wine as I relax on my front porch swing. The past weeks have stirred up many emotions. I’ll reflect on memories tonight as the sorting, donating, tossing, organizing, and storing are now complete.

My front porch swing is a little lonely tonight. Wishing any one of my loved ones was sitting beside me. ♥️

Andi

I never quite know when, or how, a topic to post will come about. It might be something I hear in passing, a special moment with a family or friends, a memory, a news report, a scripture verse, or an overwhelming feeling.

Today was no different. It hit me quite suddenly. I was sitting at my desk in my office. Day five of this workweek. I was not feeling well from something (or many things) that I ate last night. I was tired and feeling a little down. I felt distant from myself. It was a long week of customer service. After staring at my three work screens for hours, I turned around.

Each of us has our own office and can personalize it in our own way. I love my office, except for it being windowless. I painted two walls a warm gold and hung meaningful canvases and other frames and pictures. A black shelf holds items that add to the definition of who I am.

So when I turned around, I found myself. I felt happy in that moment as I sat there studying my treasures, memories, the puzzle pieces of my life. It brought me back to reality.

Sometimes we need to turn away from things that distract us. Things that lead us away from who we are and into dark, unfamiliar places where we tend to get lost.

Turn around every once in awhile so you don’t leave behind that which is of greater importance in this life…you. ♥️

Andi

Friday nights are reserved as date night with my youngest daughter. I decided to take her to the outdoor mall we used to go to often. Once-upon-a-time, the kids and I spent a lot of time there, especially at Barnes and Noble.

We began our night at JC Penney’s. I spent a boatload of money in Penney’s throughout my years. My mom was a Penney’s girl too. Penney’s had the best selections and I was always happily surprised when I got to the checkout counter with the extra discounts I received. With six kids, discounts and quality of clothing kept me coming back.

As I walked through Penney’s last night, I was greatly disheartened. It resembled more of a garage sale than the Penney’s I recall. Racks of mismatched clothing. Clothing and hangers on the floor. I actually kicked hangers off the walkway as I saw it to be a potential hazard where someone could get hurt. Some fitting rooms were closed and barricaded by mounds of clothing. The fitting rooms that were open were littered with clothing, hangers, and tags just strewn everywhere. No employee anywhere in sight. Then I needed to use the restroom. Filthy. I felt I needed a shower and/ or tetanus shot when I exited. Probably both.

I left Penney’s with a heavy heart.

I want my old Penney’s back. A place where sales people were readily available. Well lighted and bright. Clothing neatly displayed. Clean fitting rooms and sparkling restrooms.

We walked outside throughout the mall and noticed many empty stores. We tried to remember what used to be in each empty space. Sadly, Rocket Fizz is gone. Barnes and Noble was still there thankfully. Still it was somewhat changed from the last time we were there. But change is a must sometimes. I get it. I just don’t do well with it. The smell of coffee and books though was familiar and so welcomed.

As we headed back to the car, I noticed that even the landscaping wasn’t as kept up as it once was. I wondered…was it due to lack of money or lack of employees?

I shared my thoughts with Mattea. I mentioned that Penney’s, and malls in general, took a big hit once Amazon and online shopping became popular. Covid was designed to create another huge dent in life and living (my opinion). And now with our economy tanking and people becoming increasingly more cautious with their spending, and surprisingly, there are many who don’t want to work, so it’s no wonder we have messy fitting rooms, disgusting bathrooms, and empty buildings.

I want to go back. I really want to go back.

Back to the fun mall days of shopping or just to walk around. Maybe grabbing coffee to go with a Cinnabon, or an Orange Julius with a Hot Sam’s pretzel with mustard. Back to Christmas displays complete with Santa and candy canes, and Easter bunny photo shoots. Back to more carefree days, like the time spent with my sister and friends at the Lakehurst Mall in Waukegan, IL, in the mid ‘70’s. Even back just 12 years ago with my kids.

Maybe all malls are not in such decline as this one. But in my world, mall shopping is quickly becoming unfun. This town is 45 minutes east of my home. The other mall where we shopped in the ‘90’s is 45 minutes west of here and is even in greater decline.

I woke up this morning still feeling a little sad. Things we take for granted are never quite noticed until they are vanishing or gone. Quite like our freedoms of today. I, for one, am feeling the squeeze of the tightening belt around our livelihood and I’m not happy about it. I, too, took things for granted.

I’m thankful that I was able to experience those good ole mall days which blessed me with many good memories and warm fuzzy feelings. I only hope that we can turn things around and head in a better direction. That way we can share moments like these with our grandchildren.

Change for the better I can handle. It’s this downward spiral of change that I cannot. We need to do better. As a country we need to do better.

I still believe good things are possible. It’s going to take a lot of work, but all things are possible through God. ♥️

Matthew 19:36
But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Andi

Photos: online photos of Lakehurst Mall, Waukegan, IL, 1971-2001

Always thinking. That’s me.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what ifs? Mostly this thought has been centered around losing people in my life. I guess this has been on my mind since my ex-father-in-law passed and was buried today. He was a good man and loved by everyone.

Melvin was patriotic. A veteran of the Korean War. He loved our country and our flag. He was a fisherman. A transporter of Amish folk. A family man. He was Meek. Kind. Gentle.

I remember the day when my in-laws’ house burned. My husband and I got there as soon as we could. We could see the white smoke a long distance away. The fire department was there spraying the huge flames. I was big pregnant with my first child, but that didn’t prevent my father-in-law from collapsing in my arms, sobbing. He was a big man. Not overweight, but tall and strong. I held onto him tightly and surprisingly, I was able to support his weight. It’s a cherished moment I will never forget. That was 40 years ago this year.

I tried to think back to our last conversation and sadly, I do not recall it. That got me to thinking a little bit more.

Choose any person in your life and think about them for a moment. What if that person passed away suddenly tomorrow? Would you be left with any regrets? Would you be left with things unsaid? If yes, fix it. Did they know how you felt about them? If no, fix it. Now think of another person and ask these same questions. And then keep on moving to the next person and the next.

We do not have a single guarantee that we will live to old age like my ex-father-in-law who would have been 93 this month. We don’t know what a day holds or what the next phone call will bring.

The bible talks about being prepared. Being prepared for a home in Heaven. But I think it’s good to be prepared for the unexpected. Certainly we cannot be prepared for every scenario but we can maybe be better at relationships. When I pass, I don’t want a single person in my life to wonder how I felt about them.

If a what if happens in your life, I hope you are left with no regrets. Oh, and try not to leave regrets either. Leave smiles.

Goodnight, Melvin. ♥️

Andi

As I rejoice in the reversal of Roe vs Wade, I see that many others have resorted to violence and destruction once again. Those who mandated vaccinations now scream “my body, my choice”. Those who who have divided our world between the vaxxed and the unvaxxed, and often restrict the unvaccinated from receiving life saving health care continue to bellow “my choice” while striping others of their’s.

I agree with them on one point only. My body, my choice. Only there’s one thing of great importance here. A baby is in their body, but not their body. I was pregnant six times. I can verify this…those six little bodies were separate from mine.

In the past days I have read horrid, disgusting banners and signs. I have seen women who’ve painted their body parts with “blood” while carrying “bloody” baby dolls. They resemble something from a horror movie. I guess that’s their objective. I hear people scream vile things to those who respect humans in all stages of life. And there have been violent physical attacks against pro-lifers and threats made against our Supreme Court justices.

I saw a picture of neatly stacked bricks strategically placed as in the summer of 2021. Bricks used to break windows and bones. I hear elected officials scream words of insurrection. These women claim to speak for me. They absolutely do not.

Isiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!

When will these acts be condemned and prosecuted?

I have noticed that the drag queen scene has readily become popular for parents to take their littles for entertainment. I watched a video of a queen on an outdoor stage dancing in a short skirt for the littles. During his flamboyant dance he backed away from the edge of the stage. He got down to a squat, spread his legs, and moved his sparkly boa so the children could see his genitalia.

What a wicked wicked man.

Why is this no longer considered pedophilia? It was just like a week ago. What are these parents thinking? And why are they not charged with sexual crimes against children and child abuse? This perversion should anger every one of us. I am.

Romans 8:9b
Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him.

The Spirit of Christ is seen in neither of these situations. And yes, I judged these situations to be evil because God has told us what is good and what is evil. And if we never judged to a certain extent we would not send missionaries to places we have judged to be godless.

Woe to those…

Roman’s 1:32 states that even if we do not participate in evil situations such as these, but approve of those who do such things, we are as guilty as they are. God’s words, not mine.

These are situations where I will not agree to disagree. You may disagree with me, but ultimately that’s between you and God.

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. ♥️

Andi

“If you are not afraid, why would you need courage?”

That quote was in my devotional this morning. Today I learned something about fear. As I am a fearful person and the weight of the known, and unknown, weigh heavy on my heart, I discovered something of great importance.

It is written numerous times throughout the Bible do not be afraid and fear not. We are also told to be courageous.

“If you are not afraid, why would you need courage?”

This is what I learned:

Since God does not contradict himself, I will surmise that he means “not to succumb to fear”.

If we need courage, fear is probably present to some extent.

Here on earth, as we are confronted with trials and tribulations, the enemies of God’s righteousness, and of the great unknowns, we fear in order to be courageous. Fear is fuel to reach higher ground.

Note: Fearing God is different. We cannot stand up to or confront God. Fear is respect, love, and reverence to him. Fear is knowing he has all power in heaven and on earth, and he has all power on judgment. There is no courageous stance against God Almighty.

Fear is not always a bad thing. It is truly a bad thing when we succumb to it and become it’s slave.

I hope this this thought inspires you today. I hope it gives you courage to reach higher ground and conquer the hard things in life. We have been told all our life not to fear. I’m saying to go ahead and fear to some degree. Just don’t allow it to become your master.

Have a SONshiny weekend. ♥️

Andi

Photo: taken in Florida on one of our many trips

Customer service.

Why does every job lead me here?

Every job I’ve ever had has been in customer service. Well, except when I worked in the activities department of a long term health care facility.

Am I just getting old and tired and impatient, or is everything messed up and every one in a constant state of confusion and anger?

In a sue-happy world, businesses are having to protect themselves more fully, which means less leniency for the consumer, like in my business of insurance. Inflation is effecting every business and therefore, every life. Insurance is not exempt.

Dealing with phone call after phone call, 8-5, five days a week, from those who are upset is becoming just too much. They blame me for what the insurance carriers require and/or cover. Or, rather…don’t cover. Renewal premiums are skyrocketing in many instances. Many want demands met NOW. They yell at me because they can’t yell at the insurance carrier. I am exhausted like no other time in my life. Even when raising six kids have I never experienced such mental fatigue as I do now. I come home so exhausted that I accomplish nothing and I have many tasks that require attention.

Then there’s the news. It’s everywhere. You need to be informed but how much is too much? It’s all so disturbing.

There has to be more to life than this.

My brain is tired and my heart is weary.

I’m asking God to send help to me in my personal life and direction for another avenue of employment. I’ve been told I am good at customer service, but I certainly no longer enjoy it. The world has changed. Or, maybe it’s just me.

I’m not trying to be a downer really. But if you feel these things too, just know you are not alone. That’s what I’ve said along with this blog. It’s about making connections and letting others they are not alone during trying times.

I’ll be going to bed soon. I might get up early to see the planets that have aligned in the eastern sky. And, thankfully, tomorrow is Friday. Hopefully, a good ending to a rather rough work week. ♥️

Andi

A few years back I went out with a man whom I’ll call Jay. Jay and I had gone out a few times and I guess I wasn’t ready for dating, or we weren’t right, or whatever. So he went out with someone else. He jumped into that relationship with both feet right into the deep end.

Meanwhile, we still kept in touch. He was telling me how great she was, how happy he was, etc. I told him several times to just be careful. As fast as that relationship ignited, all I could think about was that he was going to get hurt. And he did. I had tried to warn him. It happened just too fast.

After that relationship collapsed, he and I met to go to for a walk at the falls. He needed a friend and I had no reason not to be one. Call it a date or whatever you’d like.

We went down to the lower falls and took a walk on a wooded pathway that led us to a pond and a picnic bench. So we sat there, just the two of us, gazing into the stillness, watching bugs flit to the surface of the water. It was beautiful.

Jay opened up and began talking to me about his whirlwind relationship. I listened. This man was greatly humbled. He didn’t yield the warnings, the red flags, the advice from a friend…and he’d been hurt. Badly. This giant of a man spoke softly and meekly. He shared with me because he trusted me and felt safe with me. And he knew I wouldn’t ridicule him in any way. We talked about many other things as well, but the humbleness never left him all that afternoon.

If this was a date, it was one of the best dates I’ve ever had.

Jay and I are still friends. We were texting this evening and I asked him his thoughts about God. This is when I recalled our talk by the pond and it made me realize something. It made me think of how we jump into situations feet first, right into the deep end. How we think to ourselves…now this is the life! We don’t heed warnings or think about God. At least not as much as we should. And then, I think about how we ultimately get hurt.

But if our heart is right…we will find our way down a simple wooded path that leads to a still pond and an empty picnic table. Only the table isn’t really empty. Jesus is waiting there. He’s been ever-so patiently waiting for us to come back and sit beside Him. He wants us to bare our soul and humbly speak to Him without reservation.

This, I believe, is the best date…ever.

When I think of Jesus sitting on a throne, I don’t think He’d be disappointed that I choose to envision Him sitting at a picnic table in the middle of a woods surrounded by all that He created. I think He just might approve of that.

The best date will always be time spent with Jesus. ♥️

Andi

When we discuss children often we refer to the mother as the main person of interest in their lives. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

I am perhaps what many would consider old fashioned in my view of the structure of the family. That’s okay. I don’t mind. Because I believe in God’s perfect design. And if that makes me old fashioned, so be it. God’s word, God’s design, will never be outdated in His eyes. You see, He doesn’t change to fit the changing times or for our will. We are to confirm to His way. But the we tend to pull away from His goodness, His safety, His perfection, His will. That just won’t end well.

Fathers should be the rock of the family. The leader, the security, a good provider, the strength…yet loving, caring, patient, and compassionate. A lot is expected of a man.

(I am not downplaying the role of a woman in the family. God blessed her quite uniquely. The strength she carries is almost beyond comprehension. God is mindful of her needs and gives her a place of glory in His design.)

But today we celebrate fathers.

I am blessed to know several good fathers. Men that aren’t afraid to show love. Men who listen. Men who strive to be ever present in their children’s lives. Men who can say I’m sorry. Men who love God.

I like appreciate the men in my life. I enjoy watching them interact with their children. It makes me happy. I’m sure it’s quite pleasing to God as well.

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there. To men who are biological fathers and to those who have taken on a fatherly role in a child’s life. Thank you for your contribution to healthier, happier children and homes, and ultimately, a better society. ♥️

Andi

I’m currently in the process of writing a post about my journey to Italy in June of 2012. Hopefully soon, I will be ready to share it with you. Tonight I watched Under the Tuscan Sun. I believe it is one of my favorites.

I love Italy. I love the language. I love the people. I love that it is a part of my heritage. And I love how it connects me with my father. As big as our differences were we shared many of the same loves. Italy was one of them.

Diane Lane stars in the movie as a recently divorced writer (hmmm…sound like anyone you know?) who is given a trip, a gift from friends, to tour Tuscany. While there, she buys a villa. Like me, she falls in love with the people, the language, and the spirit of Italy. But she also falls in love with a beautiful Italian man. Sadly, he breaks her heart.

There was a line in the movie that says something like, “Love makes people do stupid things.” That kind of hit home with me.

My history is that of doing stupid things when in love. Actually, I am talented enough to do stupid things when out of love as well.

I hope to travel to Italy another day. There’s so much I haven’t explored. Ha! Maybe I’ll buy a villa. And maybe I’ll fall in love and do stupid things in another country.

I do hope to share some of my 2012 Italian adventure with you soon. Most likely it will be a two-parter as it’s getting rather lengthy. Plus, I have so many pictures I want to share!

Until then…have a beautiful weekend. ♥️

Andi

Photos: Under the Italian sky, in the region of Abruzzo, June 2012 (Casoli is the peak right above my head. It’s where I temporarily called home.)

This time of year sends my heart back to Minnesota with my family. The summer vacations there were fun for us three kids.

We’d pack up our station wagon in anticipation of the long drive to our grandparents’ house. Sometimes we’d pull our pop-up camper. This was long before the seatbelt laws and we’d have our spaces picked out in the back of the station wagon. We would take whatever dogs we had at the time. Once we even took Petunia, my guinea pig.

Grandma and Grandpa’s house was once a garage. It was small but cozy. It actually had a basement which was damp and always smelled like dill pickles as all the canning jars were stored under the stairs. There were two small make-shift bedrooms and a small bathroom. I slept on a very creaky old bed with a very beaten up mattress. There were lots of old things down there. I loved that old basement.

Once there, we kids wasted no time walking to Thomas’ general store at the end of Grandma’s street, up on the hill, to load up on candy. When we were still young, mom would walk with us downtown. Woolworth’s was our favorite stop. It was a great store with lots of souvenirs and a little bit of everything. Aunt Millie worked the soda fountain. We sat at old fashioned stools at the counter and if I remember correctly, you could order fountain drinks, sandwiches, and fries. I loved that place! We never left without spending money that we saved throughout the year.

When we were older we’d walk downtown on our own. We’d look for discarded cardboard boxes. When we each found a nice sized box, we’d take them back to Grandma’s. From Grandma’s front step you could see Indian Hill across the highway. The story was that the hill was a mound, a ancient burial ground for Indians. I don’t know if that’s true or not. I doubt it but it was pretty interesting to a young kid.

We’d take our boxes to the top of that hill. We’d unfold them to make them lie flat. Then we’d sit on them and fly down the side of that hill, laughing all the way down.

When I think of our trips there, I first think of our fishing trips. Dad would take us kids fishing one at a time. We’d get up really early when it was still quite chilly. Sweatshirts were worn in the morning and then we’d be burning up by afternoon. The lakes up there are filled with such a variety of fish. Sunfish, blue hill, walleye, northern pike, trout, bass, etc. Dad would spend lots of time fishing with Uncle Victor too. From my trip to North Carolina a couple of weeks ago, I brought home five rods and reels of my dad’s. Oh, and his tackle box.

We ate fish everyday while there during our three weeks or so. Fish for breakfast was amazing. Fried fish, fried eggs, fried potatoes, toast, juice, cereal. It was a feast!

This time of year, I am always wishin’ for fishin’. Every year my mind travels back to those youthful, carefree summer days in Minnesota with my family.

Cherish everyday with family and friends. Make great memories together. Don’t take anything for granted. Those days do not last forever, but the memories will. ♥️

Andi

Matthew 19:14
But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

My oldest daughter is pregnant with her second child. A precious boy! We are so excited. He is my second grandson. My granddaughter, Dakota Chez (pronounced “shay”), is named after a baby raccoon I once had. Her other grandma once had a dog named Chez. I think it’s a beautiful combination. Kota is a bright, happy three year old with a heart as big as the moon.

Proverbs 27:6
Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.

My daughter sent this text to me last night. It made me think of the perfection, the innocence, the purity of a child. A blessing from the Lord.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kota comes up to me while I’m rocking in my chair, sits on my lap, and asks “Does your tummy hurt?”

“Nope. I feel good.”

“You feel good? Is my baby brother awake?”

She lifts my shirt and places her hands on my belly.

“No, I think he’s asleep right now.”

“Oh, he’s asleep? I feel him kicking me, Mommy!”

She laughs and asks me where his butt is, where his arms are, and where his head is. I point it all out to her and then she lays her head on my belly and whispers, “I love you.”

Kota looks back up at me and asks, “Do you think he loves me? I won’t ever leave him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My heart rejoices at the love Dakota has for her unborn brother. Her mother cried. I certainly did too.

Matthew 18:3
Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

I am grateful for God’s design. The beauty of a young family. The miracle of pregnancy and childbirth. The preciousness of wee ones, tiny boys and girls. ♥️

Andi

I am overwhelmed this morning with the dire situation of our country and our world. As a mom, I still want to protect my children, even though they are all adults. I would prefer they would all be under one roof again. My roof. I simply cannot turn off the mom in me.

I texted my youngest son today. He and his children live a thousand miles away. I told him the heaviness of my heart. He responded with precious words of wisdom. I am humbled. Sometimes we need to allow our children to grow up and perfect on the teachings of their youth.

From Ezekiel, my son:

I love you too.
I understand your worries. But try not too. Nothing can happen in this life unless God allows it too. He is in control no matter how evil people are. This weight of worry is supposed to be on Jesus and Jesus alone, not you. If you stop dwelling on these things you’ll begin to see the bright side to things and peace will begin to enter your spirit.

I will lay this worry, my fears, this burden at Jesus’s feet.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the power of God, and stop acting as though we are God. Many things are absolutely out of our control. Pray for the ones who fight earnestly for the good of the people. God has placed good, intelligent, strong people in areas where they will make a difference. Pray for them.

We all have a place. Sometimes it’s in a place of prayer. While prayer may seem as though it doesn’t count for much, it is the most powerful place to be. Do the right things in your corner of the world and pray without ceasing.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always,
Pray without ceasing,
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Place of prayer…pray without ceasing. Let’s do our part in these troubling times.

Thank you, Ezekiel, for showing me the strength of your faith this morning. I praise God that you’ve become the godly man I hoped and prayed you’d be. ♥️

Andi

Photo: taken on my drive home from work, June 1, 2022 (a rainbow, the sign of promise)

Life moves quickly. Years become decades within minutes, so it seems. I’ve lived six of them now. Our years are a compilation of numerous beginnings and endings with lots of middles. Those middles are where life is lived.

Last week was bittersweet. Last week we laid Mom to rest after almost seven years.

When Mom’s brain was healthy, her wishes were for us kids to take her ashes to the Chiricahua National Monument in SE Arizona. She wanted to leave enough money to take our families with us. Well, that didn’t happen. Somewhere along her timeline, Mom lost her life insurance and other monies. Sadly, none of us three kids have had the money or time to take her there. I had Sugarloaf Mountain chosen to spread her ashes. The sunrises and sunsets would be amazing from there. Mom sure loved the beauty of southwest.

When Mom’s mind became ravaged with dementia she wanted to just go home. Home. I know the feeling of just wanting to go home. Back to your roots. Back to the old days. Back to Mom and Dad. Well, home to her was Minnesota. Way up there in the boonies about an hour east of Fargo, North Dakota.

But that wasn’t going to happen either. We knew Mom’s life there wasn’t easy. It was too cold and snowy for her too. So when my brother recently moved to a beautiful place in North Carolina, that’s where we decided she needed to be. After all, she had been in NC since 1982. She loved it there and North Carolina was home to her. It’s warm and smells of pine. That’s where two of her three children have lived near her all those years as well. And I have to admit that NC is one of the most beautiful states in our country. It was the right choice.

So I made the trek there. A journey that was difficult for many reasons. But I did it. I needed to go. I needed to see my brother and sister as well.

On May 25th, we planted our dear mother beneath a young twilight magic crape myrtle. Beneath its burgundy leaves and hopeful pink blossoms, we finally laid her to rest.

I have never done anything like that before. But it was finally closure. And that’s exactly what it felt like. I didn’t realize that all these years I carried around this feeling of incompleteness.

The next day I was to leave for home and another task was at hand. That was to load my car with my dad’s belongings. He passed away a year ago March 29th. He had lived in Florida and we divided his belongings about a month after his passing. My siblings brought his things to NC and it was time to bring a part of him home with me.

I kept my composure throughout my stay. I felt kind of numb actually. It wasn’t until I got on the road after our goodbyes, and headed home that I finally felt anything. I came across a huge road sign on the highway that said “Buckhorn Road”. That’s when my heart hurt for the first time that week and tears filled my eyes. My mom once lived on Buckhorn Rd. I would never visit her there again. I had my dad’s treasures with me. The dividing and laying to rest were finished. It was all finished. Oh, how my heart hurt. The end of an era.

When we woke up the morning I was to leave, the day after burying our mother, my brother told us to come quickly to the front window to see the sight. Twin newborn fawns were born in the area around the newly planted crape myrtle. With shaky legs they explored the front yard. Their momma was near and ever so watchful. All I could think about was how happy our mom would be to see this beautiful sight surrounding her place. She would think it was absolutely perfect. I thanked God for this moment.

Beneath the twilight magic rests one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this earth. My momma. How I wish to hold her one more time. ♥️

Andi

Photo Credits: Sugarloaf Mountain, rshantz.com; twilight magic crape myrtle, homedepot.com; momma deer with one of her twins; Mom’s resting place

For the last month or so, I have been doing daily Bible studies on YouVersion with a friend of mine who lives two states away. This has been blessing in my life.

We finished the last seven day study just as I was getting ready for a journey. An almost 700 mile journey. A journey I didn’t want to make for many reasons. But come to find out, my reasons were full of water literally and as hard as I tried to convince myself not to go, everything and everyone pointed me toward the necessity of making this trip.

Our Bible study leading up to this trip was Choosing Faith Over Fear. The last four days of the study centered around the shepherd boy, David, and a giant Philistine named Goliath.

Twelve year old David had great faith in God and a confidence within himself to conquer what made grown men cower. After all, he had slain both a bear and a lion while caring for his father’s sheep. But he revealed that God had protected him and he gave God the glory.

David didn’t think twice about what needed to be done to take care of this giant for God’s people. Although David couldn’t wear the armor of King Saul for protection, his faith was strong that God would protect him just as with the lion and bear. So David went out to meet this giant.

This lesson encouraged me to discover what the biggest giant is in my life. Now I was faced with this trip. Timing is sometimes everything.

But I fought it.

*I didn’t want to drive 700 miles alone in a world, that to me, is not very kind anymore.

*I didn’t want to spend money on the stupid high gas prices. (My children gave me gas money for the trip on my birthday.)

*I was intimidated by thoughts of stopping at gas stations along the way and being robbed or hurt.

*I was scared of having car trouble along busy interstates. (I upped my AAA.)

*I was already upset with those who were on the other end of those 700 miles.

*I just did not want to do this. At all.

These were a few of my waterlogged excuses not to go. Everything and everyone strongly pointed me to making this trip. Once I realized the support backing this journey, I believed this was God’s will so I conceded and began making plans to face what I thought was my giant. I wanted to know what God was to teach me this week as I now felt this trip had a godly purpose.

I started praying. He knows my fears. He knows me. I prayed that He would show me the lesson in this. What did He want to teach me? I asked God specifically to help me discover what the giant is in my life. Was it the traveling alone part? I want to have the faith in God and confidence in myself to slay whatever the giant(s) in my life. I had a minimum of 11 hours alone on the drive there to try to figure it out.

As soon as I got into my car to leave on Monday, I felt intense pain in my low back and right hip. I’ve been having issues with those areas and had a chiropractic adjustment on Saturday. But I think with twisting or lifting, I threw it all out again. So I had a great deal of physical pain the entire drive.

I thought I would have time to think. But I was wrong. Most of the journey was in the mountains. And when I reached those mountains for seven long hours it down poured. I mean it was relentless. Seven hours of almost nonstop downpours with many moments of not being able to see the lines on the road. Not to mention the many trucks slowing uphill and splashing past you on the downhill, drivers who speed in treacherous conditions, and those who don’t turn their lights on. And then, intense fog.

(If you must display major signage warning of fog, and the speed limit signs have to be lighted in order to see them, I’m thinking 60 mph is just too fast in these areas. Juss sayin’.)

By the time I reached my destination I was almost in tears. My body hurt so bad. My legs were swollen and so were my feet. My left foot was especially. I was a wreck. I could hardly make it up the stairs. The stress and tension too of the day had taken its toll on me.

I elevated my legs for a bit. Once the swelling had gone down (for the most part), I showered, took three droppers of CBD oil, and went to bed. I slept good.

I got up before everyone else and I sat in the living room by myself. I talked to God. I was grateful He got me there safely. With all the hydroplaning accidents I had seen along the way, I was very thankful. I was disappointed that I didn’t understand yet what my giant was after that exhausting and painful day. What was my lesson? Was it too early in my journey to know? I actually thought the drive itself was my giant, which I conquered, but I felt there was more.

I started to rehash in my mind all the events and conversations leading up to and concerning this trip. And then it hit me. I hit me hard. I realized what the giant is in my life. It couldn’t be more clearer or more obvious. The Goliath in my life is me.

I am my own worst enemy. My faith is weak. I overthink. I talk myself out of many things. No one on this planet hinders me more than my own self. No one belittles, discourages, rebukes, or insults me more than I do. No one guilts me more, shames me, weakens me, or stills the wind beneath my wings more than that Andi girl.

The truth was revealed. Now to work on slaying that giant. It might end up being a long, painful death as I have much work to do. But my God who made this known to me will not make me walk it alone. I now know what the biggest giant in my life is so now I can address it. Don’t they say that admission is the first step to recovery?

I know what many of my issues are so at least I have a starting point. Sometimes we don’t need to look very far as to what needs fixing.

What is the Goliath in your life? Have you ever thought about this?

My trip home was slightly better but an hour longer. Thirteen hours long. Still had fog and rain with a few downpours, but I was blessed to see the sun on occasion. I wasn’t swollen when I got home either. At least, not as bad.

I’m thankful for my journey this week and that God didn’t hesitate to reveal quickly the giant in my life. I have His promise that He won’t abandoned me but will provide strength, love, and encouragement as I begin another journey of sorts. I am blessed. ♥️

Andi

PHOTOS: wallpapercave.com; storm that hit five miles from home

Many of you know that I am divorced. Actually, twice divorced. Not proud of it. But it happened and I cannot go back. Nor should I. Whether or not the divorce has just cause, it’s detrimental to the individuals, the children, and to society as a whole. (I know there are serious circumstances that require a dissolution of marriage.) Family though is the very foundation of our world. That’s God’s design. When marriage falls apart our foundation loses a little more strength.

I’ve been divorced now almost 9 years. Separated about 2 1/2 years prior. I am more of a people-watcher now. I watch couples and young families especially. I certainly miss my young family.

On Friday, I bought lunch and went to a park. I ate in my car. I watched a beautiful little family having their picnic lunch on a blanket, like the good ole days. Mom, Dad, and a little boy. I don’t need to explain my view of gender. Also, God’s design. The little guy is at the super cute age right before walking.

As I ate my lunch, I felt an overwhelming urge to speak to them and I asked for God’s guidance as I felt the drive came from Him. I have been trying to listen and hear more. He uses us to reach others. So before I left the park, I got out of my car and walked over to them. Hopefully, they didn’t feel threatened by me as some crazy old lady. You’ve seen my wild hair. Friday was a bad hair day.

I told them they have a beautiful little family. I shared with them that I am a mom of six and my fifth grandchild is on the way. I also said I wasn’t sure if they needed to receive this or if the need was for me to give, but I spoke my heart. I told them I’ve been divorced twice. That is has been a difficult life and I advised them to do whatever possible to keep this precious unit together.

The parents smiled as I spoke. They didn’t say much. Just smiled. It was a nervous one-sided conversation, but Dad thanked me. They also waved goodbye when I left.

I don’t know why this took place or if their encounter with a crazy old lady was posted on social media before I even left the parking lot. It was out of my comfort zone for sure. I did forget to acknowledge God in my conversation which I regret. But I hope I did Him justice. Maybe there was a need for one or both of the parents to hear this. For God knows all. Or, maybe God is trying to teach me to listen and not be a hearer only, but a doer. Maybe it was that we all needed the experience.

As I get older, the world as I knew it, is gone. It’s very very different on the downside of 60. Life is no longer black and white. So many life changes blend the divide into grey. Extra baggage doesn’t help either.

You no longer look for someone to build a family and life with. You’ve done that. Now you watch from the sidelines as your children build their own lives. No…now it’s about a whole ‘nother type of loneliness and finding friendship and companionship. It’s about sharing a front porch swing with someone special who isn’t going to leave you because they have no where to go either.

I never realized this concept of aging. I never expected this. I thought everything would be figured out by this time in life and it would be a breeze, but it is not. Actually, living in the gray area has been the hardest stage of my life so far. By far, the loneliest stage of my life. Even more difficult than my high school years filled with cliques and peer pressure.

I encourage young couples to work hard at preserving their marriage. I believe traveling the downside of 60 with the one you lived life with would/ could/ should be a blessing.

I’ll leave you with this quote. I read it on a fellow blogger’s post.

God designed marriage. We should work our hardest at preserving it.

Happy Sunday. ♥️

Andi

How many things have you had to break in before you got the best, most comfortable use out of them? You know…like breaking in a pair of shoes. At first it can be rough with blisters on your heels or maybe your little pinky toe turns a shiny red, but soon the shoe feels like a natural part of your foot.

How about…

Breaking in a pair of jeans.

Or, a pair of boots.
Work boots, cowboy boots, hiking boots.

A baseball glove.

A leather jacket.

A hat.

A new bath towel.

I thought about this breaking in stuff after I recently bought a new brassiere. Wow…it is almost painful to wear. (It’s like breaking in a saddle but without the squeak. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️)

Breaking in…

What about in a spiritual sense? When we become Christians we kind of go through a breaking in period. This transitional period is filled with many changes and a whirlwind of emotion.

There’s the letting go and the pressing forward.

There’s the guilt-ridden moments when you suddenly realize the place you were…and you thought you were okay.

There may be the loss of people you love and admire as they just don’t understand. They liked you the way you were.

Then there’s Satan who will try even harder to break you. He wants you back.

It’s a difficult and challenging life but so worth it when all is said and done. The promises of God. That’s where our hope lies.

Breaking in…

It can be painful. But the best is yet to come when it is finally broken in.

Just my thought for today.

Have a great weekend. ♥️

Andi

Photos: taken during my Mother’s Day walk with my girls.

The Covid period in our lives hurt us in many ways. We suffered in similar ways, and in different ways too. But the raw truth is, we all suffered. I cannot imagine the difficulty of being a mom of younger children during this time. Motherhood (and fatherhood) is difficult enough without explaining (and/or enforcing) things to children that we don’t understand ourself, things that don’t even make sense…or, maybe that of which we just don’t agree with. Mothers were dealt a dirty hand over the last couple of years.

Being a bit of a rebel, I know how I would have handled it with my six children. Granted, I homeschooled my kids but still…the whole world was different. It changed quickly and drastically. The world out there bled into our homes and personal lives. As their mom, I know that first and foremost, I would have placed their focus on God…on His strength, His comfort, His all-knowing, and on His ever-presence. As their teacher, our studies would have focused on government and science.

While the world would rather strip the importance of mothers from the record books, God lifts mothers to a beautiful place in His design. Praise and honor are her gifts. Children are her glory.

Proverbs 31:28
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…

Pulling myself up and putting all the hurt and confusion in God’s hands is my current focus. He knows the ways I’ve suffered over many years. He knows the trials that are heavy in my life today too. So I will hand everything to God and find comfort in His arms.

While my mom role has changed now that my children are grown, finding clarity, strength, and guidance from Him will help me in my new role as grandma.

Praising God for moms today. Moms who love and serve Him first. Moms who teach their children right from wrong. Moms who are ever-present in their children’s lives. Moms who make sacrifices daily for their family.

Happy Mother’s Day, dear friends. ♥️

Andi

Last night I began going through tubs of old pictures. I was by myself and having a blast reminiscing. I thought I’d include my kids by taking pics of the pics and texting through a group chat. The pictures I sent weren’t the best quality with the glare but it was still fun. And away I sent them. One after another.

I continued sending pics while my phone was vibrating with conversation. I went back to see what the kids were saying. That’s when I saw what my middle son, Ezekiel, wrote:

“She once was a Jedi.”

What? I did not understand his comment so I started going back and reading more of the thread.

His comment was related to this picture of me holding my daughter, Charlie, in 1998.

And then he posted this picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi which he found online:

This was just too funny. Hmmmm….could I be part Jedi? I decided to research what exactly defines a Jedi. Right away I found the Jedi Code. I compared it to my Momma Code.

The Jedi Code: *

There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force.

~ The Jedi Code ~

The Momma Code:

There is a boatload of emotion.

There is no peace or quiet until maybe after 10:00 pm. Maybe….

There are no excuses. There is plenty of homeschooling.

There is (was) passion – hence, six children. Sorry, kids 😬.

There are lots and lots of l love you’s, hugs, kisses, and bandaids.

There is much chaos.

There are moments of harmony between siblings.

There is no sleep.

There is coffee.

~ The Momma Code ~

While I cannot claim to be a true Jedi, we do have some similarities.

1. We strive for order and justice.

2. We can move objects with our mind. My eyes are powerful.

3. We want to avoid the Dark Side.

4. We are peacemakers.

Last night was fun and my cheeks hurt from laughing even though I was all by myself. I woke up this morning still smiling.

I hope that you can periodically have moments like these. It makes life so much more pleasant, and fun!

“May the force be with you.” ♥️

Andi

*The Jedi Academy WIKI

PS I should also add that I had to eat crow as my son-in-law noticed my hair in this picture and realized that it was shaved just above my ears. Recently, I was NOT thrilled that his wife, my daughter, shaved half her head. I totally forgot that I wore my hair this way…and I did so for many years! So my daughter is having a good old time with this revelation. 😃 A fun night!

After writing my last post, REST, I went outside to sit on my back porch to reset my circadium rhythm with the early morning blue light of the sun. I have been reading more about the benefits of this lately. Today is my first day.

It’s a breezy morning and a little cool but not bad. I can see the sun and I welcome it’s energy. Nyx enjoys that I’m outside in her element after being cooped up all winter and during the many rainy, dreary days of spring.

It’s actually more than a breezy morning. It’s more like Pooh’s blustery day. My hair is pretty scary right now.

I sit here with my coffee and my dog and I thank God for the sun and the wind that rushes over me.

I think of all the breezes that have tussled my hair and engulfed my being throughout the years. For most of my life I tried to avoid the wind. It wasn’t until the salty sea breezes of years ago did I begin to appreciate it.

I think of the breeze as whispers of time, blowing memories in and out of my mind. It fills me with wonder and creativity. This is a moment of nature reaching out to touch me, and I feel a part of it. It’s better than a lover.

Some may think I’m strange with the thoughts I write about. But I am blessed (or, some may think, cursed) with feeling so much and so deeply. I embrace it.

I hope your day is good and that you can feel, to an extent, like I do. ♥️

Andi

Our lives are so very busy that we don’t even realize just how busy until we are worn down, burned out, and broken; mentally, physically, and spiritually. It happens.

In order to serve God to our fullest, we need a day to wind down. Even God, who spoke life into existence, rested. We might wonder how He could be tired. Did He actually need to rest. No. God is God. But He gave us our first example. An example of rest.

Jesus took time for rest as well. He was there at the beginning with God and later He came to us in human form. He gave us examples of rest throughout His ministry. God was in human form and Jesus felt the challenges of life on the body and spirit. So He rested.

When we think of giving ourselves a timeout, a vacation, or a day spent alone, we often feel guilty. I know I do. But that’s not God making us feel that way. There is another power that walks this earth who never rests. He works diligently and endlessly to attack our mind by filling it with self-doubt, among other things contrary to God’s love for us. He wants us to fail. He wants us broken. Don’t let him win.

Take the time you need to regroup. Use downtime to put things in godly perspective, not for selfish gain. Heal your mind and body. Connect with God. Just rest. Do what you can during your busy days, but find moments or days to completely rest. I will work on this myself…and not feel guilty.

Today, Sunday, is a perfect day to find rest. Hopefully, this week we can manage both time and rest.

Be grateful and keep God close. ♥️

Andi

I’ve been having a daily devotion with a friend of mine on YouVersion. Today we were given a great example of time. Well, time and priorities.

The example includes three parts; a bucket, rocks, and sand. The bucket represents time. The rocks represent our most important priorities. The sand is all the extra stuff that fills our time.

It is your responsibility to fit everything in the bucket of time. First, maybe you pour all the sand into the bucket. Then you try to get the rocks to fit. But they don’t fit no matter how hard you pack that sand. You know, all the fun stuff. The extra stuff. The time consuming stuff.

So…you start over.

You remove the sand. Next you place all the things of greatest priority, the rocks, into the bucket. Then you pour in the sand. The sand fills in all the spaces, nooks, and crannies. And, waalaa…it all fits.

Prioritizing your time wisely will hopefully allow time for the tough stuff and the fun stuff. This is something I must work on.

Time. How do we use it? It certainly is valuable. I know I’ve wasted hours, days, months and I cannot get a single minute back.

How’s your bucket of time looking? Maybe this would be a great focus for the new week. ♥️

Andi

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love coffee. I once drank as often as Lorelai Gilmore at Luke’s Diner. I have since calmed down a bit. But I still love it.

I’ve tried all kinds. StarBucks blonde pour-over. Door County. Dunkin’ Donuts. Off-the-beaten path cafe coffees. Jamaican Blue Mountain. Costa Rican. Italian espresso. Organic. Currently, I drink the German Roast coffee from Aldi’s.

As of late, I’ve been adding cinnamon to the coffee grounds. It tastes a bit like fall and that is comforting to me. I have the coffee pot set to brew at 6:00 am every morning. Once brewed, I add stevia and a touch of butter.

But what makes coffee even better is the cup in which it’s served. When purchasing a coffee cup, no matter how much I like the cup, it has to fit my hand just right or I won’t buy it. The weight of it must be perfectly balanced.

Drinking coffee is certainly a special part of my day. Especially when I share it with you.

The title of this blog, Coffee with Andi, means something to me. I hope you find it a blessing.

Enjoy your next cup with me…here. ♥️

Andi

~~A friend loves at all times.~~

Praise God for providing that special someone in your life who lovingly walks behind you…steadying you, picking up your broken pieces, pushing you, holding you up, and gluing you back together.

Ecclesiastes 4:10
For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Praise God for that special someone who works quietly behind your scenes, prays for you, lifts you up, and listens…yet desires no recognition or anything in return. That is a true friend.

Praise God for that special someone who listens without judgement and whose advise is taken easily.

I took these pictures of banyan trees in Florida last year. I found these trees to be quite enchanting. Prop roots grow from the branches downward to the earth and become pillars of support for the heavy branches. They reminded me of the special people in my life who support me when life becomes too heavy to bear.

At the time of these photos, I was in Florida for my father’s last days. Life just couldn’t get any heavier than that. And I had a special prop friend who held me up.

1 John 4:7
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.

I am grateful for the special people in my life. I am blessed. I hope I am a special someone to others as well. ♥️

Andi

~~Proverbs 17:17a~~

I cannot imagine a life without Jesus. A life without hope. I know sometimes my life may not reflect the wholesomeness of a Christlike spirit but that is the reason Jesus came to us; to make us perfect through our sinful imperfections. He shed His blood and rose from the dead to seal this promise. Only we can break it.

HOPE. I cannot fathom how lonely this walk would be without God. Even at my lowest times or my greatest distances from Him, He never leaves my mind, or my heart. When no one seems present in my life, He is ever-present. His love is great.

There is hope. A hope of something far greater than what this life will ever offer us. The hope of Heaven.

Happy Easter, my friends. 💕☀️🌸

Andi

We live in a world that is currently hell-bent on forcing sexual perversion upon our littles. The forces are great, but our God is greater.

God’s will is for us to protect the innocent hearts of our children. Stand up to the plate.

Praise God for truth. Praise God for answers. ♥️

Andi

We thought we were the good children in our families. The good sisters. Turns out we were a tad bit mean.

I had a wonderful visit with a couple of girlfriends with whom I grew up with on Bonnie Brook Lane. They are sisters, traveling together, and they stopped by my place for the night. I haven’t seen the younger sister, Julie, since I was 16 and she was 14. Um…I’ll do the math for you. That was back in 1977.

Chris is one of my dearest friends. We have not lost a single step in our friendship even though there are years and years between visits. She’ll forever be one of my most favorite people. Chris has a nurturing and loving spirit. And she truly loves God.

We were reflecting upon our young years the other night. She mentioned something about herself that was exactly how I have been feeling about my own self. We both thought that we were the good sister in our families.

I didn’t realize how mean I was until I started going through some of my old diaries from when I was in my teens. Wow…I was upset with my sister a lot. For someone who believed they were the good one there were an awful lot of bad things written on paper. Colorful words, dark words, lots of large scribbled adjectives…obviously written in anger. Words that I would have never uttered out loud. I was a writer of sorts way back then. I’m not particularly proud of that though.

My heart sank when I read them.

As I reflect on those days, I realize that not only was I was angry, I was hurting. Hurt that my sister had something that I did not. My dad’s heart. Not that he didn’t love me. He did in his own way, I guess. I was just so very different from him. He couldn’t love me the same. And their relationship was very hard to watch as a young, impressionable little girl. I took it out on her.

Still, at the time, I thought I was the good sister.

When Chris shared her reflection of her early years as an older sister, I realized how distorted our views can become by things we want to believe. Although, I never looked at Chris as being mean, ever, she believes she was. And only she knows that truth. At the time, while living in that time, she believed she was good. Just as I thought I was good. Looking back is sometimes hard.

But, if you can look back and see truth, that speaks volumes. It means that there has been growth. Growth is good. Reflection is good. Asking for forgiveness makes it even better.

I was mean to my sister in subtle ways. I did little things to get back at her. I don’t need to go into detail because it doesn’t matter. What does matter is my acknowledgment that I was wrong. Regardless of the hurt I was feeling, I should have, could have, been a better sister. I know Chris feels the same about her early relationship with Julie.

Life is just full of surprises. With age, you realize that all the more. We need to be ever-present in the now and be ever-mindful of how we act and react. Today, Chris and I both are the good sisters we thought we once were. That’s the positive of this story.

I had a wonderful visit with my friends. Getting to know Julie on an adult level was both enlightening and a blessing.

Thanks for reading my posts and sharing your comments and likes with me. I appreciate you. ♥️

Andi

I love it when people question my ability to cope with life. Actually…I don’t love it. It’s true about walking in someone else’s shoes. They really don’t fit.

So maybe I do often wear my heart on my sleeve. At least I don’t hold everything in. I believe what I share may help others to know they are not alone in what they feel and go through in life. A connection. We are very much the same even with our differences. But, truthfully, I don’t share everything. Nor, do I want to.

No one has a clear understanding of the inner workings that make me, me. Well, actually a couple of brave souls have dared to venture into this colorful but wildly chaotic Gemini brain of mine and I felt/ feel safe with them being there. But I certainly don’t pretend to understand the deepest depths of those around me either. We just assume…and we judge.

Like a great many people, I too have suffered much loss in my life. Loss of situations, relationships, and life. No one completely understands my anguish or survival methods for dealing with loss. But that’s okay. I only ask that you don’t criticize me or think less of me because I don’t bleed externally for you to see. I bleed on the inside. 

No one suffers the same.

My loss includes friends from high school and so many others along the way. I have suffered romantic love losses too. Loves who have passed away and a couple who still walk this earth. Through death, I’ve lost those who have been the closest to me. And then there are a few whom I love deeply, but have chosen to walk away. That’s stinking hard.

I never turn to drugs or alcohol to get through the hard times. No, I feel every bit of the pain. And I still feel the intensity of each loss. I never felt I had to choose a way to get through. Like through a bottle. The choice for me naturally found me. I think and I write. Then I cry and I sleep. Then I think and I write some more. It works for me.

I feel everything deeply. Believe me, there’s nothing minor in my world. But I cope in my own way as you cope in yours. Sometimes we do get stuck and need help from others or professionally. There’s no shame in that. I’ve often said we need to listen to what someone is not saying. But because I might deal with life’s sorrows differently from you doesn’t mean I am not coping.

I do have a tendency to forget things too. I guess maybe it’s some type of protective mechanism inside my brain, or centered in my heart. When reminded of a painful situation, I often cannot recall it. Not until that person continues to share detail after detail do I begin to remember. Then I have a difficult time removing it from my thoughts. That will bring me down. So please don’t do that.

Is it necessary to continually hash out the past? I really don’t think so. The wound never scars over if it’s reopened time and time again. The idea is to let go and not allow yourself to be snared by that again. It’s called moving on for a reason. Learning, growing, and striving for a better, healthier life. Forgetting things that hold you back. Forgiving yourself.

Coping. Choose the most positive and productive ways to combat the pain, the evil, and the sorrow on this earth. It’s very individual. But always center around God who gives us the hope of a better tomorrow.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I certainly love the book of Philippians.

Begin this new week with a confidence that God’s love and strength can lift you to higher ground. ♥️

Andi

Photos: a Jamaican sunset, August 3, 2016

The other day, I watched a video of men at the border of two countries. (No. Not our southern border. I cannot bear to see that atrocity any longer.) What I saw were civilian men having to remove their shirts at a checkpoint. Most of the men were about my age. Some were a little younger. I could not understand their language but yet I could understand them. And when I saw them standing there shirtless, adorned with their dad bods, it hit me that we are all the same. Regardless of where we live, what language we speak, what color our skin is, what our beliefs are, we are the same. We want the same. Our bodies are the same. We bleed the same. And we love the same.

So why is it so difficult to get along? Why aren’t we content with peace over control? With freedom over control? With love over control?

We have one life to live on this earth. One simple, short life.

Why is control used to divide us? Why is it used to make us hate each other? Our families are divided. Our neighborhoods are divided. Our streets are divided. Our country is divided. And not just in half. It’s divided on many levels. A sure sign of weakness because we cannot stand together in strength.

So who loses? Who are the winners? And why have we allowed ourselves to become game pieces for the control seekers? We need to wake up. There are no winners in this stupid game.

We are the same. For the majority of people who walk this earth, we want to live our lives simply and with dignity. Is that too much to ask?

Clocks by Coldplay. There is a verse that I reflect upon often. I think it’s an important concept in life.

Confusion that never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know
Singin’ come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease?

I want to be a part of the cure.

Truly the only answer to winning is not established on this earth.

Philippians 3:13,14
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 5:12a
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven…

Look for the sameness in each other. It’s really hard sometimes, I know. But no one is greater or less than the other. ♥️

Andi

One year ago today, at 12:23 pm, my dad was taken off life support after six hellish weeks of being poked, prodded, intubated, tested, and drugged. At 12:30 pm, he was pronounced deceased. It took a mere 7 minutes to go from life to death. With every breathe he struggled to take on his own, I was hoping praying it would be enough to jar his body back into living. It was not to be.

All the I’m sorry’s and let’s start over’s and I love you’s were gone forever.

After he passed, my sister and my dad’s wife left the room. I stayed with Dad for awhile and in anguish, washed his face with my tears. I couldn’t get close enough. I couldn’t say I love you enough. I couldn’t say I’m sorry enough.

My father was a complicated man. And while I consider myself to be simply complex, we lived on opposite ends of the spectrum. We sparred often. Then we’d come back together for a moment or two. But it was never long before the gloves came out again.

Through it all, through all the good and the bad, no one on this earth has influenced my life more than my dad. Even through this year without him, he remains a very strong presence in my life. Every. Single. Day.

I hear him scold me. I hear him praise me. I feel him grab my hand like he would do when we walked together. No words spoken. Just reaching for my hand was all I needed to know. I cherish those moments.

My dad taught me things that I didn’t understand at the time but are becoming clearer as my life goes on. Right or wrong, he never pushed us kids to be successful. He pushed us to be happy. If something wasn’t right, fix it. And he knew not to wait on life to happen. Dad went out and made it happen. He was strong like that.

Once upon a time, Dad wanted a horse, so he got one. We couldn’t keep Buck at our house so he was boarded. Once Buck was broke, Dad would ride him to our house. Dad and Buck eventually entered pole and barrel competitions. The announcers never got Dad’s or Buck’s name right. Okay, so our last name was easy to mispronounce, but how do you mess up Buck? “Denny Schwartz riding Buick!” The only name they ever got right was Denny.

Dad wanted to play the guitar, so he did. He focused on that until he conquered it. Then he moved to something else that intrigued him. He learned and moved on from one thing to another. Always dreaming, doing, learning, and growing. Such an inspiration in that respect.

I think one of his greatest conquests was the sea. After he and my mom divorced, Dad bought a sailboat and lived on the Atlantic for a couple of years. He had lived in Midwest USA for most of his life yet he went out and conquered the sea. Just him and a sailboat named Dire Straits. Dad even made it through the Perfect Storm. Not that he was directly in it but he was on the outskirts.

My dad was strong and determined, yet he was not without his own demons. Demons that created this complicated man and followed him through life. A pain we can only surmise knowing so little of his early life. It all died along with him so we will never completely understand him. At least not me.

Through all the anger and heartache in our troubled relationship, I wish he was still here. Maybe I could have tried harder to understand him. Maybe he could have been more compassionate toward our differences. Maybe…

What I do know is that my love for my dad runs tremendously deep. More-so than I ever imagined. His strength I will carry throughout the rest of my life. I will make life happen instead of waiting for life to come to me. That’s one of the best and most important lessons he ever taught me. I just need to let go of fear and apply it.

I truly miss my dad. ♥️

October 10, 1941 – March 29, 2021

Andi

Photos: 1) St. Pete Beach sunset; 2) Dad and me in Italy (I wear his necklace now.); 3-5) Dad and Buck; 6) the Dire Straits; 7) Dad in Italy; 8) my sister and me with Dad

My dad….a little Colonel Sanders, a little mafia, and a little Einstein. 😊

John 16:33
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Jesus didn’t say we might have trouble. He stated a fact. “You will have trouble.” And boy, do we ever.

We have struggles in our personal lives compiled with serious troubles in our world. It’s no wonder people are sad, depressed, angry, short-fused, and hurting. So many things are outside of our control.

But through it all, as tough as things are, God has given us His written word filled with encouragement, strength, direction, love, and hope.

If you are unfamiliar with the Bible, maybe begin reading in the book of Psalms. God knows our struggles. We have struggled since the beginning of time. Psalms is a good place to start to find encouragement.

A sunshiny day helps to lift spirits as well. God knew what we need and He gave us tools/ gifts outside of the Bible to help our inner being to be strong and healthy. When you think about it, we spend much of our lives indoors away from natural light and clean air. When you think of people long ago, actually, not so long ago, they spent more time outside than in. So many of God’s gifts are found outdoors.

Begin this new week encouraged that trouble doesn’t have to define us. We can rise above the turmoil to find peace in God and in His promise that the messes here on earth do not have to be our end.

God is hope. ♥️

Andi

The Scientist. Coldplay. This song means much to me. I’m sitting in my car on this cold morning listening to my special playlist of Keane, Coldplay, and Jack Johnson when this song came on…and so this post was born.

The first time I heard The Scientist was when my second oldest made a music video for a school project using this song. It featured my children, namely my youngest son, who starred in a series of short films as Melvin. So many years ago.

Take me back to the start. The start of everything.

Take me back to my early family life in Waukegan. So much learning took place in those years. I have much to learn yet.

Take me back to my high school years. I have unfinished business there.

Take me back to my gold rocker where I held my babies and sang made-up songs. Many hours I sat in that chair even after bellies were filled and sleep took hold. I rocked and rocked. Holding them tight.

Take me back to the woods to my crying log. Not enough tears were shed. Not enough prayers were said. Not enough sins confessed.

Take me back to my parents’ arms.

Take me back to the happy gatherings of my children. I long to watch them interact. I long to overhear their conversations. I long to hear their laughter.

Take me back to my running days. To the woodsy trails where I found so much peace.

Take me back to my first drive to St. Joe when I got lost in time and immersed in my music.

Take me back to early morning walks in the woods I once owned where poetry was inspired.

Take me back to Chelle.

Take me back to lost loves.

Just take me back. ♥️

Andi

Friday night is date night with my daughter. We do stuff like an old married couple. Out to dinner and then shopping. But we enjoy this time together. When we walked out of a store and into the parking lot, I could not help but notice the awesome sky. It was so unique. I drove to my favorite sunset viewing spot to take these pictures.

The horizon looked as though explosions were taking place. As I was watching the largest “explosion”, all of a sudden the clouds parted and another smaller explosion quickly burst into view just to the right of it. It was so awesome to watch.

I hope you enjoy this sunset. It was awe inspiring to witness it. It was windy and cold and I had to cross water and mud to get the best pics. I accidentally locked my daughter out of the car while I traipsed through mud to reach the farm field to get pictures without overhead lines in them. She was insinuating that I wasn’t acting my age and that I was acting like a teenager. Well, okay…what can I say? I get excited. I’ll accept that. I love the sky and I’ll probably do this again. And again. 🙂

Have a great weekend! ♥️

Andi

Psalm 19:1
The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

I went to my usual get-a-way at lunch today. It doesn’t matter what the weather is, I will enjoy the beauty of this park. The grass. The trees. The frog songs coming from the wooded pathway. The birds soaring high above me in the sky. The sky. God’s amazing, ever-changing masterpiece.

Today, the sky changed quickly. I stood outside my car and watched as the heavy clouds moved in layers above me. Shades of grays and blues. Some almost black. The earth would darkened and lighten. When I turned around to look behind me, the clouds were the brightest white and the sky was an awesome, crystal blue.

Ever since the initial Covid lockdown, I became more intrigued with the heavens. Since we really didn’t understand all that was truly happening at the time, we abided by the “rules” and stayed home. My girls and I spent much time on the deck out back where I did a lot of sky dazing. The world seemed so quiet. It reminded me of the days following 9/11. No planes were in the air. Everyone felt the pain. Our world was very quiet then too.

I walked about the circle drive at the park and took in the fresh air, which got colder the closer the dark clouds got to me. I didn’t mind. I took several pictures of the changing sky. I know the sky is sometimes unforgiving but realizing the crystal blue is always just above the clouds gives me peace.

I hope you, too, find peace in God’s handiwork. ♥️

Andi

Psalm 119:37
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways.

I left FaceBook over a year ago. I downloaded all my information and it was “Ciao, baby!”

I left for many reasons. For one, I didn’t appreciate that I was called out for being a bully which went against Facebook guidelines. I’m not a bully nor was I one one in this circumstance. I made a comment on a post. I misused the word affect which should have been effect. Or, the other way around. I can’t remember. A woman by the name of Linda Flowers kept commenting on that error and wouldn’t let up. She wasn’t commenting on the content of my thought, only on the misuse of a word. I corrected the word and she continued to badger me about its misuse and then made fun of me for changing it. I do believe that there are those, especially on political and/ or controversial posts, who intentionally try to stir things up and cause problems. They are called trolls for a reason. They troll comments to purposely cause problems. I called her out on it and suggested she was a troll. Almost immediately, she reported me. I was sent a message by Facebook about their guidelines concerning harassment and bullying. They said I could appeal my guilty status and that it would take a couple of days for a response. I clicked on “appeal” and instantly received a response that my appeal had been reviewed and I was found to be guilty of harassment and bullying. I mean it was instant. Not even a second from when I submitted my appeal. Yeah…

Facebook isn’t the same as it was when it first started. Or, is it? I believe it was set up for failures like this and to be used as a censoring platform. It is a tool (my opinion) for entities more powerful than us and has been all along. These people knew from day one the power behind social media. They aren’t stupid people. And as in everything controversial, follow the money.

But in line with my scripture verse this morning, I spent way too much time in front of Facebook. Time I really didn’t have to waste but I did. It consumed me. If I posted something I would constantly check for likes and comments. Then it only got worse when the election, Covid, and January 6th all took place. I lost friends and some family to the controversy. I listened to them but they didn’t want to hear my point of view. All of this turmoil made Facebook even more addicting. I found myself swallowed up in a great amount of negative which greatly affected/ effected my personal life. (You pick the right word. 😊)

I waved the white flag and surrendered.

I tell you what, it was quite liberating. Finally, I removed my Instagram app from my phone because I’m not sure how to delete my account. Instagram had become my new Facebook and it had to go as well.

Sometimes we need to let go of things that are in our face constantly. Too much negative can have detrimental affects/ effects on us. (I’m beginning to hate those two words.) The Bible tells us what to keep before us.

Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

This doesn’t mean we should avoid controversy or hide from the news, but our focus needs to be on pure things. This will keep our minds and bodies in a healthier state of being. Whatever your focus is on, your mind will become that.

Find your focus. Clean it up if necessary and discard what is useless and/ or harmful. Be grateful for beautiful things. Focus on what is pure. ♥️

Andi

My newest granddaughter, Juneau. 😍

My youngest daughter and I took Nyx for a walk on this lovely Sunday afternoon. For most of this day, I’ve been going through my jewelry, trinkets, and keepsakes; sorting and pitching as I go. There have been a lot of journeys down memory lane. Happy and sad journeys. Much of what I have is from loved ones who are no longer here. So I just needed a break.

Nyx’s favorite thing is running. So if no one was present in any direction, I would unleash her and let her have some fun. She never goes far from me though. She’s a one-person dog. That person being me. She suffers from separation anxiety so she needs to be near.

As we walked, Mattea and I laughed a lot at this crazy dog of mine. We talked a lot too. Walking is always a special time for us. We have each other’s full attention. No distractions. Well, except for Nyx who is trying to grab a tree root to play fetch with, or dragging a huge limb into the pathway.

We talked about several things. Mostly, she vented about how hard life is. And I agree. It is hard. And it doesn’t get any easier as life goes on. I simply told her: there’s no learning in easy.

There really is no learning in easy. Learning and growing. That’s what we do from birth until death. It builds character. It molds and shapes us into better, more compassionate people. Or, it should anyway. I do know those who never seem to learn and have remained in an immature state of mind. Often, they are angry people who do not play well with others.

Be grateful things aren’t always easy. Rejoice when you find a patch of peace. Pray for relief when life just seems to be too much. Love those who come to your aid during hardship. I know I am blessed with those who care.

Have a great new week. And if you have a chance, go for a walk with a loved one. Enjoy conversation with each other without distraction. Well, unless you have your own Nyx to entertain you along the way. ♥️

Andi

O God, you know my folly; the wrongs I have done are not hidden from you.

God knows all and He deals with us accordingly. In the Old Testament, there are many examples of how God dealt with His people as individuals and as a whole. Today we are a scattered people throughout the world. He still deals with us accordingly. Being a child of God is not a free pass to anywhere.

I know my sin.

Psalm 51:3
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

But should another human being keep dragging me through muck of my indiscretions because they haven’t moved on? How many times do I need to apologize to flesh and blood for something God forgave me decades ago? I made wrong decisions. I made made bad choices. Who hasn’t? A thousand I’m sorry’s has meant zero to this individual. I cannot give any more as apologies fall on deaf ears. I owe this person nothing more. But the endless badgering continues…

Proverbs 3:5-7
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

I know right from wrong. I try to do right. Have I always? No. But neither has anyone. Living according to our own wisdom usually doesn’t go well. The key is to love God, trust His wisdom, and keep on trying. My sin is ever before me because I do not forget like God does with forgiveness. But I certainly do not need constant reminders from another that I am a sinner. I want peace.

Matthew 5:44. But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you ♥️

Andi

Photo: credit goes to my son, Jet. Jamaica 2016

I tell you there is nothing greater than truth, yet nothing is harder to find.

I believe that we are so overrun with untruth that we will never find truth again on this earth or in our lifetime.

I’m not talking about our close intimate relationships, although those can be tough challenges as well. I’m referring to our government and all of the offices, departments, and agencies within. I’m talking about the far-left but also some of those who claim to be right. I’m talking about world leaders and governments as well. Will we ever know the truth? Or, have we dug a hole so deep and intertwined years of lies so tightly that no one living today could possibly untangle all the hidden secrets, missions, and agendas. How could one person ever be able to grasp it all and be able to relay that information to the rest of us? The complexity of our life today will never be understood. Opinions vs science vs truth, etc., we live in chaos, and nothing seems real anymore.

The lies and untruth that bombard us daily is the purest of evil. When a lie is continually repeated, we begin to believe the lie as truth. The media is doing just that. How so many people can stick together with their lies and deceit is beyond my comprehension. Shame on them. I wish them sleepless nights.

But I will tell you this. On my way home from work, I caught a view that was beyond beautiful. So beautiful that I had to turn around and find a place to stop just so I could take it in. I took several photos (I can never take just one) and every time I look at these pictures, guess what I see? I see TRUTH. I see God’s truth. And thankfully no one can rob us of that. Not the left or the right. Not someone’s opinion. Not even the media. TRUTH.

God is TRUTH.

He was. He is. He will always be…TRUTH.

Bury yourself in God’s truth. Remove your presence from the megaphone of life that spews out hatred, lies, and deceit and find comfort in the heavens above. Look up to see God’s truth. He is never too far away. ♥️

Andi

I am very passionate about many things. For one, I love this country and all that it stands for. I can’t really give financially to the many issues that need support so I try be supportive with prayer, participation, or by simply being a presence.

I believe we have a right to peacefully protest. Much of what happened last year was not peaceful. Certain groups were able to destroy cities, livelihoods, and sadly, took lives of innocent people who tried to protect what was theirs…all while falsely labeled as peaceful by those who hate.

The People’s Convoy is headed to DC and it is a peaceful protest. It stopped near me for a peaceful rally last week. I wasn’t able to attend the event which was overflowing with supporters but I was able to greet another link of the convoy on Saturday morning.

Whether you are vaccinated or not, or choose to wear a mask or not, everyone should be fighting for the right to make our own choices. Making our own choices gives us dignity. Strip us of our dignity and we become pawns to the elite and no longer viewed as an individual human being. This peaceful convoy is representing all of us who believe in our constitutional right to make our own health care choices.

As I stood on an overpass waiting for the convoy to come through, myself and several others waved at the traffic below. Some of the group waved the American flag while others secured large flags over the rail of the bridge. It was a beautiful sight really.

Trucks blew their horns. Cars honked their’s. People waved to us inside their vehicles and out of their windows and sunroofs. Many drivers gave us the peace sign. It was great.

There were four drivers though who shocked me. They gave us the finger. One gave us a thumbs down. And I have to ask why? I consider them to be those who probably don’t play well with others. Is it because they hate the condition of the country? Do they despise the decisions made by the man in office? Or, do they feel we should submit and conform?

I do not associate the American flag with our current administration. The flag represents all the things that this administration does not. The flag is bigger, better, and stronger than they are because of all of us who peacefully stand, unified, for the rights of the people and all that our country was founded on. This administration seriously falls short. But that is their agenda. We the people are stronger.

So why would anyone want to flip us off? Do they hate our country that much? I do not understand. But…in all fairness, it is their right to express their feeling. I just don’t feel it was in an appropriate manner. If you have that much anger inside that you have to flip someone off who is smiling and waving an American flag at you, I will question your reasoning. And maybe even feel sorry for you. Maybe.

Shame on those who give the finger to our flag and our country. Maybe visiting another country would open their eyes to the blessings, dreams, and possibilities of living in the United States of America and under the U.S. Constitution.

Pray for our country like your life depends on it because, honestly…it does. ♥️

Andi

Sunday, March 6, to be exact.

I can never sleep in. I laid in bed for over an hour wishing myself back to sleep. It just doesn’t happen. So I got out of bed before 7:00 and let Nyx out while I made coffee.

I noticed the night storm tossed my trash can into the road. The beat up trash can that my trash company was to replace a couple weeks ago. I suppose their company is no different than anyone else’s…can’t get, or keep, help. So I’m trying to be patient.

I slipped on our old beater crocs (Mattea and I share them) and went out with Nyx to retrieve the trash can. It rained last night so the smell of the country air was amazingly fresh. The temp was a balmy 62. The warmest morning of the year so far. The young woman in me stirred with excitement of a spring quickly approaching, and of her many dreams…

I set the trash can upside down at the end of my driveway. Maybe this will be the week they replace it. Nyx was happy to have me to herself and outside. I decided it was too nice to go in just yet, so I sat on my porch swing. And she laid down beside me.

I watched the lower grey clouds move swiftly to the east revealing lighter shades of clouds above them. I heard birds. Lots of them. All of them singing their love songs. There was one lonely morning dove though who spoke to my heart. Change is in the air.

I love my front porch. I miss my trees though because along with them went my family of woodpeckers. They were fun to watch and listen to. One seemed to always scold the other. I assumed it was the misses who would go on the daily rants.

Nyx got up and walked around. The moment was uncomfortably strange to me. Who is this new dog standing in my almost treeless yard? Where is my beloved Herc and our beautiful Amber? Where are my trees? I had walked past a fire pit that is rarely lit and through a yard that yearns for frisbee throwing and the laughter of my children. Strange how all of these are just memories now.

The young woman in me dreams of wonderfully exciting things…but sadly, outside of her reality. I guess that’s okay in a way as dreaming keeps you young. But the older woman is going to have to step in and tweak a few things.

Change is in this March morning air. It makes me sad to know that another era is swiftly coming to a close. It was a short era of eight years. I finally admit that this place is more than I can handle and I’m finally waving the white flag. I need to get on the serious path of letting this place go and figure out my next move. This is a scary and sad time for me. I’m so torn. Maybe once I get through the hard part of decision making, I can begin a new era of making new memories filled with happiness. Change is in the air.

It’s a melancholy March morning. But it’ll be alright. I’ll be alright. This is how the wind blows in life. Always changing speed and direction. Nothing stands still for long.

It’s time for a second cup of coffee and some much needed time with God. I did lean on the Helper more this past week. And He was a great help to me. I will lean on Him evermore as I walk into unknown territory.

Have a blessed new week, my friends. ♥️

Andi

Photo: a Jamaican sunset, 2016

Helper. What does that make you think of? First thing I thought of was Hamburger Helper. I grew up on that stuff. I guess that box of ingredients helped the hamburger taste yummier. Not to mention it was quick and easy.

Then there’s a movie called “The Help”. A very good story, with very good advice on not to upset the help. The help just might make you a special pie.

The Bible speaks of a help-meet. This was actually my purpose in life. And I accepted it with gratitude. My greatest fulfillment in this life was in the home raising my children and caring for my husband.

But as time has moved on and drastically changed, I find myself in a place of confusion, loneliness, visionless, and quite frankly, feeling broken. I’ve become distant from God even though I know I need Him. Why is it that when everything is going great I praise God more, pray more, read more? Why is it when I need Him most, I close myself off to Him? I just don’t understand me.

I have pushed all of my spiritual learning out of my mind and replaced God’s power with my own wisdom. Well, how’s that going for you, Andi? Um…not so very good.

Well, I need to change this vicious cycle. I need God. I have no significant other to rely on to help me through this life. I’m not denying the value in friendships or with my children. But they have families of their own to focus on. I don’t have anyone who shares the same intimate details of this life to where we would work together as a unit. If that makes sense.

This morning I was looking for encouraging scripture to combat the defeat that has now overshadowed my life. I had to look no further than the daily devotional email I received this morning. The Helper.

John 16:7
Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you.

Jesus explains that the Helper, meaning the Holy Spirit, is pretty important and almost suggests that the Helper is more important than Him.

I think it’s about time to really consider the power of the Holy Spirit who dwells within me. How much more personal can that be?

The Helper. He will only help if I allow Him to. I think I will finally open myself to Him.

This is a good day. ♥️

Andi

Photos: my Jamaican pics, August 2016

My kids…how I love them. When they are happy, I am happy. When they are sad, my heart breaks. Whatever they feel, I feel. And intensely. I still worry about their needs. Are they fed and warm? Are they making good decisions and choices? Are they feeling loved?

I cannot turn the mom in me off. I’m more mom than anything else. So much so, that I don’t know who I am outside of that role.

Discouragement sorta followed me into this new week. I tried not to allow it, but realistically I cannot control outside forces. The issues of last week are still ever present in this week.

This morning my son, Ezekiel, greatly encouraged me through text.


Ezekiel: Have a good day ❤️

Me: You too, love ❤️

Ezekiel: You’re a wonderful mom ❤️

Me: I don’t feel like it.

Ezekiel: You don’t have to feel it in order for something to be true.

Me: ♥️

What a beautiful way to start my morning. His words softened my soul. I need to be grounded.

You don’t have to feel it in order for it to be true. ♥️

Andi

No words necessary…

Sunday. The first day of a brand new week. Make it a good one. Find your peace. ♥️

Andi

God created all of nature, for us, as it gives Him great pleasure to watch us love and care for it. He took great care in its design so that not only do we find great enjoyment in it, but it fills the depletion that daily living takes from us.

When you think that there is nothing left, that God doesn’t care nor is He near, find the sun. Absorb it’s warmth. Watch a squirrel. Feed the birds. Feel the breeze. Go fishing. When all else fails and life appears hopeless, connect to the earth. Listen to it. That’s where you will find God. Majestic is His Name.

Psalm 8

1 O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens.

2 Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger.

3 When look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,

4 what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?

5 Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.

6 You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet,

7 all sheep and oxen,
and also the beasts of the field,

8 the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas.

9 O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Andi ♥️

I am currently overwhelmed with some really tough situations. I am burned out. My mind completely exhausted itself but not before it depleted (and defeated) the physical part of me. I don’t know where to start from here because I’m sure I’m not asking the right questions.

I came through a very dark week. Lots of shed tears and long, painful nights. I did not make it to Saturday unscathed.

I’ve been studying the common thought that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I really didn’t believe that to be true so I decided to study it. And I found out that we do get more than we handle. Not that God wants to break us. (Or maybe, like me, we need to be broken.) God wants us to lean on Him for strength. And this is where I fail greatly.

I have more than I can handle right now and it doesn’t feel good. And why I have such difficulty clinging to Christ, I do not understand. But I do know that I am burned out and tired. I need questions that lead to the right answers as I am a poor decision maker. Truthfully, I need to be a better Christian and to rely on God more. Why should He help me if I do not honor or love Him as I should?

Be grateful if you have the support of a significant other. I cannot emphasize this enough. This life is just too hard to walk alone. It wasn’t His intention for us to do so. Many times I have wished that I could go to my room and be held tightly by someone who knows me…yet loves me anyway.

I write this to you because I know I am not the only one to experience times like these. And maybe you are currently going through the same. Just know that you are not alone.

Tomorrow is Sunday, the first day of a new week. I am praying for strength and insight. And maybe a little peace. Tomorrow I’ll be spending some time outdoors at a beautiful waterfall. It is supposed to be a sunny day. I know that there is great healing in nature so I am looking forward to it. Maybe I’ll rejuvenate my body and soul from the warmth of the sun and the power of the water. ♥️

Andi