A Bittersweet Transition

A week or so ago, I wrote about the wait. Waiting for God to lead and direct while I try to be patient. Currently, I’m trying to understand the timing while acknowledging that God has closed one door and opened another. Do not question when God answers the prayers you’ve been praying. So why do I feel the need to question His timing?

In March of this year, I put my notice in at work. I had been waiting for over a year for things to get better, and they just didn’t. We were so understaffed. I gave my boss until the end of June to he could find someone to replace me. A generous amount of time. In the meantime, the other personal lines person put her notice in and was gone 3 weeks after that. So we were still very short staffed. I couldn’t leave in good conscious. But it never got better.

It’s been almost two years of unwavering stress. My boss decided to retire a couple months ago and he sold our agency to a corporation with the promise that things would be easier for us in the long run. But the merger has been stressful. Not a smooth transition for us at all. For one, we are not set up on their system yet so the last few weeks have been very difficult.

I had stayed to help the office out, and I stayed much longer than intended. The girls are the reason I’ve stayed as long as I have. I love them all so much. But I didn’t want to be that one in the office who brings everyone else down. And I felt that’s who I am becoming.

I think perhaps had I started this job on a better note instead of walking into a hot mess, maybe I would have had a better impression of working in the insurance world. But it was poorly managed from my first day. I didn’t realize the extent of that until this merger took place.

I put my notice in again on November 10th with the new company and yesterday was my last day. It is quite bittersweet as I left women there whom I love dearly. They have become family to me. They are left to carry my workload and for that, I am remorseful.

But my health has suffered greatly since my employment there. I was more athletic. Much thinner. And my mind was in better shape. There really are different personality types. This type of work drains me to the point where I could never regain what I lost during the day before I’d have to do it over again the next day.

When I put my first notice in back in March, I applied for the clerk/ treasures office in my tiny town. They hired an older man who had been an accountant his whole life. Well, in October, he went to jail for being a horrid human being. I was asked by the board members if I was still interested in being the clerk. I thought about the prayers I’ve been praying. I thought about my health. I thought about the many aspects of that job that would allow me to take care of me, and perhaps, grant me free time to write, which is my passion. So I said yes.

Tears have been shed by myself and my coworkers. Never have I had relationships such as these. These women mean so much to me. They threw a surprise lunch on Tuesday. It was amazing. They gave me a generous gift card too. But the love shared is the most precious of all gifts. I cannot even write this without tears.

My office was quite plain when I first settled in. In between the visits to Florida, when my father was dying, I spent the weekend keeping busy by painting two walls the color of autumn gold. My favorite season. I hung my canvas photographs on the wall and decorated my office with a Maine theme, one of the most beautiful places on all the earth. My office was warm and cozy. It became my home away from home. It helped to make my stay there a little easier.

Over the last two weeks I had to gradually dismantle my home. It’s been most difficult. The girls felt it too as my office become colder.

I would remove my things after work when the girls went home. It was too hard to do it when they were present as I shed many tears.

The room is empty now except for the quote I had created and had specially made to attach to my wall. Not sure if it will suit the next occupant of my little office though and that’s ok. It is time though that I heed my words written there. All this time that’s what they were…just words.

A bittersweet transition. There’s no other way to describe it. The girls will be okay. I do have faith in the new company. Mergers take some time to smooth out the wrinkles. I’m still here for them and they know it. I know they are here for me too. The love and friendships run deep. I am blessed.

I know my mind and body did not fair well over the last two years there, but my life would be emptier without the things learned and the friendships earned. There is always something good in the bad. Something to learn. Something that makes us a better person. Something that shines above the abyss.

God is good. His timing is perfect. I give Him the thanks and praise for where I am today. ♥️

Andi