I love it when people question my ability to cope with life. Actually…I don’t love it. It’s true about walking in someone else’s shoes. They really don’t fit.
So maybe I do often wear my heart on my sleeve. At least I don’t hold everything in. I believe what I share may help others to know they are not alone in what they feel and go through in life. A connection. We are very much the same even with our differences. But, truthfully, I don’t share everything. Nor, do I want to.
No one has a clear understanding of the inner workings that make me, me. Well, actually a couple of brave souls have dared to venture into this colorful but wildly chaotic Gemini brain of mine and I felt/ feel safe with them being there. But I certainly don’t pretend to understand the deepest depths of those around me either. We just assume…and we judge.
Like a great many people, I too have suffered much loss in my life. Loss of situations, relationships, and life. No one completely understands my anguish or survival methods for dealing with loss. But that’s okay. I only ask that you don’t criticize me or think less of me because I don’t bleed externally for you to see. I bleed on the inside.
No one suffers the same.
My loss includes friends from high school and so many others along the way. I have suffered romantic love losses too. Loves who have passed away and a couple who still walk this earth. Through death, I’ve lost those who have been the closest to me. And then there are a few whom I love deeply, but have chosen to walk away. That’s stinking hard.
I never turn to drugs or alcohol to get through the hard times. No, I feel every bit of the pain. And I still feel the intensity of each loss. I never felt I had to choose a way to get through. Like through a bottle. The choice for me naturally found me. I think and I write. Then I cry and I sleep. Then I think and I write some more. It works for me.
I feel everything deeply. Believe me, there’s nothing minor in my world. But I cope in my own way as you cope in yours. Sometimes we do get stuck and need help from others or professionally. There’s no shame in that. I’ve often said we need to listen to what someone is not saying. But because I might deal with life’s sorrows differently from you doesn’t mean I am not coping.
I do have a tendency to forget things too. I guess maybe it’s some type of protective mechanism inside my brain, or centered in my heart. When reminded of a painful situation, I often cannot recall it. Not until that person continues to share detail after detail do I begin to remember. Then I have a difficult time removing it from my thoughts. That will bring me down. So please don’t do that.
Is it necessary to continually hash out the past? I really don’t think so. The wound never scars over if it’s reopened time and time again. The idea is to let go and not allow yourself to be snared by that again. It’s called moving on for a reason. Learning, growing, and striving for a better, healthier life. Forgetting things that hold you back. Forgiving yourself.
Coping. Choose the most positive and productive ways to combat the pain, the evil, and the sorrow on this earth. It’s very individual. But always center around God who gives us the hope of a better tomorrow.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I certainly love the book of Philippians.
Begin this new week with a confidence that God’s love and strength can lift you to higher ground. ♥️
Photos: a Jamaican sunset, August 3, 2016