Clowns

Coulrophobia.
“coal-ruh-fow-bee-uh”

The fear of clowns.

Okay, so maybe I’m not a classic case of coulrophobia, but I really don’t care much for them. Yes, I’m even somewhat fearful of them. Enough so that all of my six kids inherited the “momma’s-fear-of-clowns” gene. My oldest daughter, Denae, said she fears them to a point that she would NEVER approach them in public. She will never go to a circus, and if they are in a haunted house, she will hide and maybe hit them if they get too close.” Ha! That’s my girl. But no hitting, okay? 😂

I do have some fond clown memories though. Then a couple of not so good. I think the not-so-good memories have outweighed the fond ones. Welcome to my world of clowns.

I don’t know if this was my first encounter with a clown, but it is the earliest picture I have of one. Not sure what trick was performed with that tiny gun, and although it appears he is pointing the gun at my sister and I, he is not. It’s actually off to his right. But at first glance it sends a little chill. I’m sure back in the day no one gave it a second thought. Today is such a different world. I’d like to go back, please.

My mom would make Easter clothes and Halloween costumes for me and my brother and sister. One Halloween she made this clown costume for me. She straightened wire hangers to make the hoop around my hips to make me look fat. I remember Mom and I laughing a lot at that costume. She had such a fun laugh. A fond memory.♥️

My next two memories have to do with a clown statue of my dad’s. And…my dad. As you can see in the picture below, the clown has either a darkness about him, or maybe a deep sadness. Being young, I saw darkness. As I look back now, I believe my dad saw the sadness. I had made it known that I was afraid of that clown. Maybe I should have kept that little tidbit of information to myself. One day when we were still living in Waukegan, Illinois, I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom. My back was to the door of my room, which was shut. I was content playing in the quiet of my room when I heard a tiny click behind me. I turned around and there was that clown was standing in my room between me and the closed door. I screamed! I was terrified. I cried. My dad laughed from the other side of the door. He hugged me once he saw how traumatized I was. But it didn’t stop there. From then on, it was a household joke about me and that clown.

We took that stupid clown with us when we moved to Ft. Wayne, Indiana, in the late summer of 1977. That was the beginning of my junior year in high school. That following fall, 1978, the movie “Halloween” came out, starring Jamie Lee Curtis, and I went to see it with a group of girlfriends. That movie scared us! I cannot remember who was driving that night, but I was the first drop-off after the movie. Since I was too scared to get out of the car alone…in the darkness…out in the country…in the middle of nowhere…all the girls got out with me. We huddled together, hanging onto each other, as we quickly walked to the front door. Then they ran back to the car.

Once in the entryway, I quickly made my way to the staircase that took us to our bedrooms. As I headed upstairs, I was still in a state of fear from the movie and that quick jaunt to the house with my friends. When I was about 3/4 of the way up, I heard a slight noise behind me. I turned around and there was that clown standing on the stairs, halfway up, staring at me! I screamed and fell onto the stairs. My dad came out from around the corner at the bottom of the stairs laughing his head off. I can’t say that I wasn’t both terrified and mad at the same time. I think I cried. No, I’m sure I did. But I eventually got over it and later it became a funny story to share. That was the last incident with that clown. And the last time my dad scared me. My dad, ah, gotta love him.

After that last terrifying clown incident, I put away my fear of clowns for a day and dressed as one for the Grabill Parade. Maybe it was okay since it took place in the daylight and I was the clown. I worked for a bank at that time and my coworkers and I all dressed up. It was a hot day and I remember my makeup melting. It was a lot of fun though as I passed out candy to the little kids. A good memory.

A few years ago, surprisingly, I wrote a lengthy poem (a love story) about a circus clown and a young girl who falls deeply in love with him. (Maybe I was trying to overcome my fear?) I would LOVE for a movie to be made of my story. Since it is lengthy, I should publish it as a book. Then we would see how many movie producers beg for the rights to my story. HA! I told you I am a dreamer. Believe me now?

So…maybe I am as intrigued with clowns as much as I fear them. I have very mixed feelings as you can see. Truthfully, I prefer to avoid them.

I hope you enjoyed this blog and that it made you smile. I know there are ups and downs with staying at home right now. Just enjoy this time together. Once life gets busy again, we just might want some of this quiet, family time back. There are lessons in this situation.

Thank you so very much for stopping by today. I love having you here. The coffee is always on. ♥️

Andi

Again, sending thanks to all those who are working hard and sacrificing their time, energy, and sometimes, safety to make sure our world still runs as efficiently as possible under these current circumstances. Truckers, store employees, health care workers, first responders, waste management, delivery drivers, restaurants, etc., the list goes on. Please appreciate them and their hard work. Do what you can to help. Watch out for each other. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. And always be grateful. 🌸