Meltdown in the Drive-Thru

Last night I felt like giving up. Actually, I still sorta feel that way this morning as I sit here in the dark. We are experiencing a power outage.

I’m talking about giving up on my new job. It’s much more extensive and complex than I believed when I accepted it. Not sure if it is for me.

But…God opened this door after much prayer. Was it opened so I could work on my health as I was in dire need of change? ✔️ Was it also opened to give me more free time to write? ✔️ Maybe both, perhaps. I believe so.

But this job! Is there more purpose to me being here? Because this a very difficult job as I am discovering and personally, I don’t think I’m the right one for it. I believe it should be someone younger who can grasp all the ins and outs quicker and more efficiently than me. Someone who can be here for many years because I won’t be. There are numerous deadlines to meet and constant fires to put out. I walked into a mess on top of it all.

Last night I broke down at the drive-thru teller’s window. Yes, I did. It had been a very long, difficult day and my deposit was short 12 cents. Twelve cents! And, of course, I never have change with me. So I had to bring the deposit back to the office. It’s not the first time. And I am embarrassed. I had a very obvious meltdown right there in the bank drive-thru.

So I am praying again about my situation. Praying that God shows me what more I need to see. Is there another door to open or does He feel my place is here? If so, I ask that He helps my brain to handle it all (because it certainly isn’t).

Once again I feel trapped and overwhelmed. It’s not fun working in places that make you cry. I feel I’m living the movie Groundhog Day. Over and over again. I’m going to be 62 soon. Is this what I should be doing in my life at this age? Where do I belong? I need perspective. And I need to know His will for my life. Why is everything so hard? What am I not learning?

These are my thoughts this morning. Regardless, I will walk back in the office this morning (a tissue in hand), grateful that I have a job. I will do my best. That’s all I can do. And…I will smile at the bank teller when I return with the corrected deposit. Again…

I hope your Friday is good. ♥️

Andi