I never understood how people could say that they are ready to die. Working in long-term health care I heard that a few times. You’ve heard it in movies and read it in books. But how can they say that? How can they feel that way? I always felt there was just too much life here for anyone to want to leave. So it was beyond my comprehension.
I couldn’t wait to say goodbye to 2021. I was a little timid though about stepping foot into 2022. My hopes were that it would be easier than 2021 and 2020. But this new year started in grief. Much grief.
Now I am beginning to understand more clearly.
As we age, the things that were familiar throughout our life change, leave, or die. So this makes leaving easier and staying, harder.
Tonight, I stood out on my deck and I thought of Amber. She would slowly walk around the yard like Eeyore and graze. I remember how much she loved the snow. Then I thought of Herc and Jazz. The three amigos are gone now.
As I looked around my yard, in my mind I saw Chelle by the bonfire, and Taylor kneeling on the porch with the kids. Both are gone. And both treasures to me.
It’s coming up on a year that Dad passed, and Mom died a few short years before him. These four people were so very important to me. I can’t even put into words…
I understand now.
Things familiar.
When things/ situations/ people begin to change or leave, your world becomes a tad bit smaller and a whole lot lonelier. I understand now.
Cherish your youthful years and fill your life with much living, laughing, and loving. Make every single day count. And be ever so grateful for things familiar. ♥️
Andi
Coffee with Andi 
I think that losing loved ones makes it easier to feel that way because you know that you will be with them when you die. Longing for the times when you were all together makes you want that again and it is only through death can that be.
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It’s not just about death, although that is biggest of all heartache. It’s also about changes that remove you from that which is familiar.
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