This Point in My Life

Whoever said aging was graceful, didn’t age, otherwise they’d know there’s nothing really graceful about it. Trying to get out of bed is anything but graceful. Not to mention putting on my jeans or socks, or trying to retrieve something I’ve dropped on the floor. Which is pretty often. My body doesn’t like to bend especially in the morning. Once I get up and move around a bit my body does a pretty good job of lubricating all those stiff joints. I’m also finding that my mind and body are no longer on the same page. And, more often than not…not even in the same book!

Yes, I’m having an awakening of sorts as I face the realities of aging. Realities I find to be quite ungraceful and most unpleasant.

I love yard work. But, I’m feeling the fruits of that autumn labor now with a very irritated lumbar disc. I can no longer dig, rake, or even pull like I used to. Not so long ago, I was as strong as an Amish workhorse. But now my new best friends have become my inversion table and an old floral heating pad.

The feeling of slowly losing some independence is almost more painful than actual physical pain. I am coming to the realization I might not be able do things I once enjoyed.

I’ve been trying to explain this aging process, my aging process, to my younger generation. They want to believe I am ageless. I can sympathize with them as I thought my parents were ageless too. But, I’m not ageless, nor am I timeless, and neither were my parents. I’m beginning to show signs of wear and tear. I just read that it takes approximately 2,000 years for a rubber tire to breakdown. I’m not made of rubber…or even steel, for that matter.

This is unfamiliar territory to me, as with everyone who reaches this age. The journey was quite eventful but rather quick. I am still trying to sort it all out myself so it is difficult to explain to younger people.

I do know there is a total, more serious shift on how I view life (and death) and everything they encompass.

At this point in my life, my focus is now:

…what do I want to do,

…what do I need to do,

…and how am I going to get it all done,

….before I can’t.

Don’t get me wrong. This is not a doom and gloom post. There is so much to enjoy at this age. It’s pretty great to finally have peace with who I am. I now own a more patient spirit – which I worked really hard for. And then there is this freedom like I’ve never felt before.

This point in my life is confusing yet wonderful. But it also needs to be understood, to some extent. I think differently now because I need to. It’s as though I’m preparing for this amazing, once-in-a-lifetime trip, (which I am, actually) and I’m gathering things of necessity, and of joy, to put in my suitcase. (Suitcases. Plural. My kids know how I pack. 🙂)

So instead of focusing on what I cannot do, I will focus on new things that I’m able to do. Just as I am unable to run anymore since my hip replacement, I can replace it with hiking because that interests me as well. As for as my yard work, I can still play in the dirt to an extent as I tend to my hosta bed and plant flowers.

Life is just one short season after another. Each consisting of their own unique challenges and joys. Constantly changing. Always evolving and refining. And as we travel from one season to another, hopefully, we enter each as a better, more passionate person. ♥️

Andi

Photo credits: map by dreamstime.com; my hosta bed