Toxic Relationships

Make sure you’re not saying “It’s complicated” when it’s actually TOXIC. The more words it takes you to explain your relationship, the less healthy it probably is. ~ Steve Maraboli

I’ve been there. When anyone asked how my marriage was I used wordy sentences to make people believe it was a great marriage. I did not want anyone to know the truths about my family. It worked with some people and for awhile. But the truth always has a way of making itself known. And honestly, I was living in denial for quite a few years. The truth was I married a man that 100% of my family and friends were against me marrying. I didn’t listen. And I didn’t want them to see that I did make a mistake and that they were all right all along.

The other truth was our family was struggling on many levels. The dysfunction was pretty massive. I didn’t even realize the full extent of the damage until after the divorce. My efforts to convince others that our family life was picture perfect helped no one. In fact, it only delayed the inevitable and increased the pain that was suffered.

Just because I wanted that perfectness so badly, I could not wish it to happen. Toxic is toxic. You can’t change that. Not by yourself anyway. It’s best just to admit it and do what’s necessary so further damage can be stopped and healing can begin.

I made a decision to marry a man that I had no business marrying. But out of that marriage came the most beautiful children and now, precious grandchildren. God still blessed me even when I was wrong. That doesn’t mean we don’t suffer still from my wrong choices. And when I say we, I mean that my children are also greatly affected by my decisions. Do not be fooled that your choices have no affect on others. They absolutely do.

Listen to what you are saying to others. If it takes work to convince others that your life is perfectly fine, then it probably isn’t. If it takes a lot of wordy sentences to appease others, you are only trying to convince yourself. Acknowledge toxicity when it is clearly present and seek guidance or some type of help.

I’m not suggesting to run out and get a divorce or walk away from a friend. Seek that help first. In my situation, help was sought but it takes two to make it work. God wants marriage to work. It’s best that they do for the health of our families and our community.

Thanks for sharing a cup of coffee with me this morning! May your day be happy and bright! ♥️

Andi

3 thoughts on “Toxic Relationships

    1. I also think fear can be a factor in choosing to stay. Fear of retaliation. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the future. Those are all very real. If the fear is danger that needs to be addressed differently and wisely. Otherwise, fear keeps you from living. From healing. From moving forward in life. Always seek help first. Sometimes we just can’t see the whole picture because we are standing in it. Hugs!

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