I have a most faithful companion. And the older he gets the more clingy, I mean faithful, he becomes. Hercules was born July 19, 2011, in a town southwest of Atlanta. My now ex-husband, our oldest daughter, Denae, and I made the trek down to Georgia to his cousin’s place as she had the litter of German shepherd pups.

When we arrived she led us into a pen and there we were happily mauled by several little tail wagging, yippy bundles of joy.

I quickly found the pup I wanted. Actually, he chose me. He plopped down right in front of me and stayed there. Cutest thing ever. I named him Hercules. Another male that I fell in love with was solid black and played behind my legs. I named him Zeus. He was quite excitable unlike his brother who was more passive and quite content just to sit at my feet and look up. More like my personality, I suppose. It was hard not to bring them both home!

My daughter unexpectedly was assigned a pup too as Jasmine chose her. She was solid black and quite spirited, as is my daughter. It’s interesting to watch how puppies choose you.

We drove the many hours back home, with Herc being calm and his sister not so much. She must have been a momma’s girl as she was crying for her. Just like Denae, a momma’s girl. The pup didn’t settle down until we played jazz on the radio. Hence, her name, Jasmine. Jazz, for short.

We’ve had wonderful times with these pups through the years. Jazz moved to the Chicago area when Denae moved there. She’s excited to see us whenever we get together. (They both are.)

Herc has started to plump up since I started taking care of his feeding. I need to be more mindful of that. But still he is an incredibly beautiful dog. He’s calm except when one of us isn’t home. He prefers that the three of us are home…and in the same room. That’s when he’s most content. He’s rather protective of my youngest, as German shepherds are known to be, so he gets quite antsy when the boyfriend comes by and takes her away for the evening.

Hercules follows me everywhere when I am home. If I go to my room, he follows and lays on his bed. Even if I run in there quickly just to grab something, he follows. I can hardly turn around without stepping on him. Herc is not allowed in the kitchen. If he thinks I’m leaving the kitchen too quickly and that he might get left behind, he takes the shortcut, which is on my heels, through the kitchen. Once I was leaving for work and went into the garage. I immediately came back into the house to retrieve something I needed and what did I find? Herc in the middle of the kitchen standing like a statue in mid-step. I think he thought I wouldn’t notice him if he stood still. It was hard not to laugh.

Herc has this morning ritual of sneezing on my bare legs no matter how much I dance around the room to get away. And the worst way to wake up is to the sound of a German shepherd puking next to your bed. That’s happened twice. That’s two times too many. He and I both hate daylight savings as it messes with our morning potty time.

When Herc hears me come home he whines until I get into the house. A very annoying feminine whine. I think it’s most annoying because he’s a strong masculine dog and his whine just doesn’t match his appearance. Maybe because he lives in a house full of women. I don’t know. All I know is I’m embarrassed for the neighbors to hear him when I pull into the garage.

One night 2-3 years ago, the girls and I were watching NFL football and talking about different players. All of a sudden, Herc went nuts and started barking. We calmed him down and went back to our conversation. He started barking again and jumped halfway onto the couch which he knows he’s not allowed to do. We calmed him down and after the third time we started to put two and two together. So we mentioned a certain player’s name and away he went, even more excited than the previous times, jumping on each of us and barking. We calmed him down and repeated other names once more. Nothing. He was fine. Weird. And still to this day, if we mention that certain player’s name, he barks and jumps around and gets all goofy. The player’s name? Tom Brady! It’s just too funny. We have no idea how this all came about but we sure have fun with it.

Herc is a wonderful companion. I’ve had many shepherds over the years and none have lived to old age. Herc is now my oldest shepherd as he will turn nine in about a month. I’m blessed to be his owner. He’s forgiving, grateful, and oh, so loving.

Thanks for joining me for coffee so I could introduce you to my Hercules.

Gratitude. ♥️

Andi

Photos: 1-2, me and Herc/ Denae and Jazz on the day we picked them up; 3-5, baby Herc; 6, Herc anxious as he thinks my youngest is drowning in the pool below; 7, enjoying the sun; 8, sad eyes; 9, by my side, always; 10, keeping a watchful eye; 11, my beautiful boy; 12, Herc and me, 2018

It’s funny how you can go from having so many words and so little time to having much time but zero words. Imagine me being speechless. Well, I am.

My mind is full.
My heart is heavy.
My pen is empty.

I’ve been struggling a lot the past week and a half. I find myself yet fully clothed at 2:00 am, lying on my bed, and unable to sleep. I thought I might try to write something. Anything.

The last two blogs were posted at my daughter’s encouragement. I guess I must have a bad case of writer’s block.

Life isn’t always what it seems, or what you hope for. Sometimes it’s quite the opposite. But here again, a lesson has presented itself, and it is best to learn from it. There is surely disappointment, maybe some embarrassment, but most definitely a deep sadness, with a great sense of loss. But…life continues. It’s best to dust off your britches and begin your walk again. Falling down is a part of the walk. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. But I’m not.

I think it’s best not to pressure myself and then maybe the words will gradually return. Finding peace in this day is what I need. It’s what we all need from time to time.

Be kind to each other. Remember that communication is the key to every single relationship. Don’t be afraid to talk about hard things because, frankly, life is hard.

Always be grateful. Even when you hurt.
Be grateful for the loves in your life, for every breath you breathe, for the sunshine and rain, and for baby birds and squirrels. We truly have much to be thankful for.♥️

Andi

I am fortunate to have a nest of baby robins next to my front porch. I sit on my rustic red glider and watch the parents take turns in bringing food home to their four little ones. They are quite homely children with mouths that are disproportionately large for their little bodies. And faces that only their parents could love, but I appreciate.

I spend a lot of time on my porch thinking about many things but today I am admiring this little bird family. The parents work as a unit, tirelessly, all day long for the survival of their family. The little birds’ eyes are not open yet but whenever they feel the movement of branches, they stretch their necks out and open their oversized beaks to accept food from mom and dad.

While watching my bird family, I recall the other day at work when I noticed a broken blue egg under a tree. I wondered if a storm disturbed the nest and the egg fell out or if it had hatched. If an egg breaks prematurely we might think how sad that a little bird died. This made me think of other baby animals that died too soon, and my mind slipped back in time to the early ‘70’s.

We had a small dog named Heidi and she had an unplanned pregnancy. We discovered she was having difficulties when she was ready to deliver and we had to take her to the veterinarian. The doctor performed surgery as the puppy was just too large for Heidi to birth on her own. During the surgery it was discovered that there were actually two pups. The second one didn’t survive in utero. It was all white and much smaller as its lifeline was cut off by its larger brother. But….we still called it a puppy even though it wasn’t born alive. And we were sad that it didn’t survive.

Then I started thinking a little deeper….this is how my mind rolls.

When cruel people discard bags filled with puppies or kittens, our hearts break and we get mad, as we should. Abuse of animals should not be tolerated. We now have laws that make animal cruelty a felony. We have laws that protect caterpillars, eagles, and sea turtles, just to name a few. But I wonder why human life is regarded much less than any of these.

Granted, birds and animals mate for procreation. Human sexuality is designed by God for procreation and pleasure. The latter though comes with great responsibility. Momma bird has this innate wisdom of motherhood that life continues through her body. And she graciously accepts that. She knows that she is the vessel designed to carry life, a life completely separate from hers. Humans should understand and accept the same.

Just as we refer to the unborn of a dog as a puppy, or a kitten to a cat, an unborn human is a baby even though we try our hardest to dehumanize it by using scientific terms. When abortion is being considered, the term fetus severs the attachment to human life. When a woman visits her doctor for her monthly prenatal checkups, neither she or her doctor refer to her child as a fetus. They refer to the life within her, no matter what stage of development, as a baby. This denotes attachment to human life.

Why do we have such a difficult time understanding that human life is more sacred than those of the animal kingdom? How can we willingly remove life from a woman and be fine with that, yet we cry over a stillborn pup, a commercial about abused animals, and a broken robin’s egg? How are we not held accountable for taking a human life yet charged with a felony for an abuse of an animal? Abortion procedures are barbaric. If those procedures were performed on an animal, people would be livid. Where is the logic in this? Where is the heart for human life?

I watch my robin’s nest and rejoice in the fact that they work as designed by God. I wish the human race was just half as wise as a robin.

Thanks for stopping by for coffee today. You may or may not agree with my thoughts here, regardless, I wish you a wonderful day filled with love, beauty, and happiness. And robins.

I’m grateful for you. ♥️

Andi

Photos: my baby robins 😍

Isaiah 55:8, 9

I have not been inspired to write lately. In fact, this is my first post in a week. I’ve never gone a week without having something to say. Or several somethings. It’s not due to lack of things to write about. There are plenty. But although I’m buried in thought, the words have just not been there for me. My daughter, Charlie, told me I need to try. So here I am. My Sunday blog.

A certain man suddenly passed away this week and it made me question why. He was just shy of his 64th birthday and so full of life and energy. He and his wife have dealt with heartache and struggles together over many years. But he was a stronghold. As a Christian man, he was an inspiration to many, including my son. And when I see the horribleness of so many, I wonder why such a good man was taken. Not that I wish death on anyone. I just wonder why.

I think about many things. And lately, I’ve had more time to spend on thinking. Which is good though because today’s world offers a new list of things to ponder daily. I often envision God above looking down at us with the view that we see from an airplane. Only He sees and hears everything, and all at once. He knows the conversations in the cars traveling down the country roads, as well as kitchen conversations, and those conversations in a mechanic’s garage. What do our thoughts and conversations look like to God? How does our wisdom appear to Him?

We watch children interact with one another and they speak with such sureness as they play. Their level of sureness equals their level of knowledge. So we view them as children because of their lack of knowledge.

What about us?

We are adults but doesn’t God view us as children? How does our level of sureness measure with our level of knowledge? When I try to figure things out, such as the reason behind a tragic death, I fall short. As much as I’d like to think I’m wise enough to have correct answers often, I do not. My thoughts do not compare to God’s because His wisdom is far superior to mine. Just as mine is greater than a child’s.

So when we cannot understand why this happened or that, I believe we can rest assured that God has a reason, and the answers we seek may, or may not, reveal themselves at another time. We need to be okay with unanswered questions and find peace that some things happen for His purpose and not for our understanding. And while we might be upset and even angry, God says in Romans 8:28, “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

We need to trust God even when things don’t make any sense to us at all. Just as a child trusts his parents during difficult times. We use the knowledge we have to reassure, and where we lack in knowledge, we trust in God.

For God says:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8,9 ESV

Thank you for stopping by today. My Sunday blog is now posted because of gentle encouragement from my daughter.

Always be grateful.♥️

Andi

Photos: blooms picked for me, gifts from my youngest daughter

Psalm 121:1-2

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

The days of Covid have been long and hard. The numerous difficulties and challenges it presented has caused many to lose hope. Even to the point of death. And before this Covid ordeal ended, before we were able to bounce back from the damage it continues to cause, our world has crashed again. Only this time, the blood is on our hands. People killing people and burning cities for a “cause”.

I feel deflated, confused, and sad. Maybe even a little scared. It’s just almost too much to handle, much less comprehend. I’m sure your heart aches as does mine. I believe we could use a little spiritual encouragement about now.

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord! Psalm 31:24

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. Deuteronomy 31:8

I am hoping that you might meditate upon a verse or two throughout this coming week. Find comfort, peace, and reassurance in God. Don’t lose faith. Don’t lose hope during these dark days. He is ever-present even when you don’t feel Him near.

My heart is grateful this morning as I write from my porch swing. Always be thankful for the little things. It gives us strength to get through the hard things.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Wishing you peace today. ♥️

Andi

Photos: beautiful vase of birthday flowers from my manager; my peaceful porch swing view as I write this blog.

On my day off, I did my best to relax and just enjoy the quiet. I was outdoors most of the day, mowing, trimming bushes, and just lounging around.

I was lying face down on a lounging chair just staring at the deck when I saw a rather large black ant walking toward me. I’ve been having an issue with big black ants inside my house. I worry that carpenter ants are chewing up my home. So with that thought I smashed the ant with my fist. As soon as I hit him, I felt ashamed. And I wondered why I did this. He was, after all, outside and not in my home. Ants are hard workers and he was just doing his job.

This ant was dead, or so I thought. His abdomen was very smashed, with a clear liquid draining from his body, and he kinda rolled up into a ball. I felt sad that I took a life. Well, he must have needed to take a moment because he gradually tried to right himself. He took his time as though he was evaluating the damage I had caused. Finally, he stood as tall as he could and began to walk in the same direction as when I abruptly stopped him. His backend was dragging as well as his two back legs, but he kept going. He continued on his mission, peeking in-between the slates of the decking, just as he was doing prior to the smashing. He fell into one of the openings, and I believed he was gone for good. But no. This ant was tough. He was resilient. He was the super hero of the ant kingdom. He pulled himself back up and out even though his body was greatly damaged. He didn’t give up. Do ants feel pain? I do not know. But my heart hurt that I caused such injury. After a bit he finally turned around and headed back in the direction he came from. Did he realize that he could no longer do his job efficiently so he headed back home? Could his ant family mend him? Or would he become food for them? I don’t know. All I know is I felt terrible.

This ant didn’t give up even though his body was greatly damaged. Often, I have wanted to give up for lesser things.

This ant showed great perseverance. He was so dedicated to his assigned duty that he pushed through his injury and kept going. He was dedicated to his family too as he knew he was part of the chain of survival.

But then maybe he also knew when it was time to quit. How many times have I tried my hardest to make something work when realistically there was just no way possible it was ever going to? I would torment myself in the trying. I would feel guilty to even think about quitting. I pressured myself with what would others think? It was very difficult to make myself stop because, in my mind, it just had to work…or so I thought.

Yesterday I talked about making our surroundings smaller. I listed some suggestions on what we can do to accomplish that. I mentioned watching a bug because of this ant encounter. Sometimes the smallest things can teach us the greatest lessons. All we have to do is watch, listen, and pay attention.

Thank you for stopping by for some coffee time with me. I’m wishing you a great weekend. Try to find time to connect with nature. There’s much peace (and learning) in life’s simpler things.

Always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Take time today to reflect on good and positive things in your surroundings. I made the tough decision to get off FaceBook. I’m still on Instagram currently, but that may go as well. I have never been on Twitter or other social media. With just making the decision to get off FB, I slept better that night. And I have slept well for the past three nights now.

I’m not going to hide my head in the sand and pretend that all is well in our world. But I am going to make my surroundings smaller for a bit. We need to stay informed. And I will. But I don’t need to watch the bombardment of horrible videos in my newsfeed as a constant reminder of how cruel people can be to one another under the disguise of a cause. My heart cannot take it.

So…my wish for you this day is that you make your surroundings just a little smaller. Enjoy what is in front of you. Sit outdoors and do nothing but breathe. Feel the sun on your face. Watch a bug. Plant a flower. Listen to the birds sing or the laughter of children playing. Go on a short hike. Play fetch with your dog. Just stay away from the news and social media and give your heart and mind a rest. You deserve that peace if only for a single day. Your overall well-being depends on it.

Be well. Be safe, my friends. Pray earnestly for our world and for each other. Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

I call upon you to draw from the depths of your being — to prove that we are a human race, to prove that our love outweighs our need to hate, that our compassion is more compelling than our need to blame. ~Elizabeth Taylor

Photos: my photos of beautiful orchids at a greenhouse I visited

**fair warning**
This blog was written yesterday prior to removing myself from FaceBook. This blog could be considered a continuation of my last post on FaceBook. You may find this to be harsh and controversial. You may not like me. You do not have to proceed. These are my thoughts and my opinions. -Andi

Dear Rioters and Looters,

I hope that while your child watches Frozen on your newly stolen TV, or as your wife watches her favorite cooking show, you never remember how you pushed someone down and out of the way so you could take it home.

I also hope that you find great satisfaction in the huge pile of new clothing on your bed, even though they don’t fit. And I hope it never crosses your mind that someone, somewhere, needs decent clothes to wear.

I hope the gaming items you pulled out from behind broken glass bring you a fair amount of money as you sell them. And I hope the cuts on your hands and arms don’t require medical attention, or that the scars aren’t a constant reminder that you took from someone else.

I hope the parties you throw are super fun with all the alcohol you stole from a business that someone built from nothing to support his family. I hope the drunken stupor dulls your remembrance of a life you destroyed.

I hope you never see yourself on video as you attack an innocent bystander or destroy property just because you wanted to make a statement, were paid to “protest”, or because you felt the power. I wouldn’t want you to have sleepless nights.

I hope that when you kicked in that window and severely cut your leg that the police officer who aided you, and saved your life, didn’t hinder you for too long so you could get back to kicking in storefront windows.

I hope the blood on the street, or the man you left in a heap on the concrete, don’t haunt your dreams at night as you rest comfortably in your bed.

I hope your little girl, who runs into your full arms after a day of looting, doesn’t notice the blood on your clothing and ask how it got there.

I hope you never recall that officer’s face as you watched him brutalized by your buddies, not giving a second thought that he too, has a little girl at home waiting for his open arms.

No. I lied.

I don’t hope for any of these things.

I hope you are tormented both day and night with your hateful acts against innocent people. I hope you remember vividly the businesses you destroyed and the livelihoods that will never recover. I hope the new scars on your body hurt every time you look at them. I hope you never forget the screams, the blood, the pain, and the chaos.

This is not about Mr. Floyd. This isn’t about racism. This is about hatred and evil, power and control. This was an event just waiting for the right circumstance, the perfect opportunity, to come up out of the darkness and show its ugly head. Sadly, Mr. Floyd’s death was that moment for you. Hundreds, or maybe even thousands, of people of all races and color are now suffering at your hands.

I don’t care what color your skin is. This is about the heart and mind of all people. There are good and bad in every color, in every race, and in every profession. If you just could have stepped back for a second you would have seen and heard the cries of a united people here in America, mourning the death of George Floyd. But you didn’t wait a second. You listened to the powerful ones who told you to seek and destroy. You didn’t listen to your own heart. You will have to live with that for the rest of your life. Tell me, is this the legacy you want to leave for your children?

Do you realize you are an expendable pawn in someone else’s agenda? Your life is worth the same as the man whom you pulled from his own rig and severely beat. You aren’t more special. You aren’t more privileged, or honored. You are a pawn, and you have done someone else’s dirty work.

What is your reward? Money? Stolen goods? A scarred body? Memories that you can’t erase? Don’t you realize that you will be tossed to the wayside when they are done with you. Don’t choose to be a pawn in a madness that is not yours.

There is never a reason to retaliate with violence. Had you waited just a little longer you would have seen our nation come together as ONE, to see that justice was served. But you chose not to wait even a second longer. Now the situation has escalated across the world and brought on even more complicated issues, and broken lives to contend with…and, yes, even murder.

The media and the those with an agenda want to keep us in this state of division. For what purpose, I do not completely understand. But when I saw a picture of what the media referred to as “rednecks”, armed and protecting a business, I realized again just how crooked the media is as they only showed half the photo. Their picture was of two white men only, when actually there were two white men and two black men, all armed, standing together in UNITY, to protect a business. The media didn’t want you to see the “whole” picture. All I can think is they must be getting paid quite handsomely under-the-table. But what they don’t realize is that they too are just pawns. A useful tool to keep our country divided. A tool that will be discarded when it’s work is done.

Floyd’s siblings and girlfriend all agree that this violence is something he never would have wanted to happen. His girlfriend said he loved the city and would not have wanted it destroyed. If you just would have waited…but you didn’t. Reacting without thinking. It always makes things worse.

Yes, I want you to remember and to never forget. I want you to feel in your heart the very pain you inflicted upon others. Because through feeling you may have a change of heart. And that is my prayer for you.

You are better than this.

Andi

Photos: I think there are enough on social media and your local news station. I won’t add to their glory by posting here.

My final thought...
I have faith that our country is going to come together to rebuild, preserve, and protect, and become greater than ever. We have been bruised but God is able to heal and strengthen good people. People who want a better world for their children. There is strength in numbers and I believe good people outnumber the bad.

God is ever present. He is here for us. Call on His name for strength and wisdom during these trying times. He is greater than all. I was reminded today that I wear the armor of God. Let’s put on the armor of God and lay down the bricks and torches. Praise God for His grace and mercy. Be grateful.

We all are better than this. ♥️

Proverbs 23:7

I haven’t had many words to share this week. I still don’t today. But I do have plenty of tears.

There is a great wickedness attacking our country and it’s beautiful people. No matter if you are a believer in God or not, not one of us can deny the evil in this day. A single color is not what is fueling this war upon the innocents of our great land. It’s wicked hearts of all colors.

God doesn’t see color. He sees the heart.

“As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7a KJV

I just can’t grasp the realities of today and the hatred of so many toward people they don’t even know. People who had nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with the situation that initiated these events. I watched a video of a black man crying in the streets because people destroyed what he’s worked so hard to build his whole life. This video was what touched me the most. I’m sure there are hundreds, or maybe even thousands, of stories such as his. My heart breaks for him and well…for all of us, because he is a part of us. We are a part of each other.

Pray for this to end. Pray for the innocent people who have been hurt or who have lost everything. Pray for the law enforcement and first responders. Pray for our President whether you like him or not. Pray for each other.

Philippians 4:8 ESV

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Pray earnestly, my friends. God, the Father, needs to hear our pleas, our cries for help and guidance.

Thank you for reading this today. My heart is heavy. My words are few. My tears are endless.

Continue to be grateful. ♥️

Andi

The Overcomer

Once upon a time a princess was born into a large family in rural Indiana. She was a happy baby and was doted upon by her four older siblings. Her eyes were a stunning green and her hair was the blondest you could ever imagine. She could have easily been called Snow White. But this little princess was named Mikayla.

Mikayla was the baby of the family for six years. She was very quiet and she rarely cried during her first years. She was quite giggly and found humor in most everything. She did have a difficult time handing off the “baby of the family” title to the last child born into our family who was also a girl. And it was far more traumatic for her than I ever imagined.

When the princess was very young, it was quite evident that the she had a special way with animals. I remember when she was a toddler and we could not find her in the house. I glanced outside and saw her at the dog pen across the yard wearing only a diaper and little yellow rubber boots. The dogs were so happy to see her.

When the princess turned 12, she received her very own puppy, a golden retriever. She named her pup Amber. She taught Amber to do all sorts of tricks, and the two were, and still are, inseparable. It’s as though they share the same heart. Amber became her best friend.

Our home life got busier with homeschooling children in several grades. And while it certainly wasn’t intentional, somehow our princess got lost in the mix, and she became invisible.

Mikayla had a very close relationship with her brother, who was a year and a half older, but she became a shadow to her older sister. The princess longed to have the same attention. She was an excellent student. She worked hard to make the grades and to prove herself. She listened well and did most things asked of her, without complaint. Everyone adored this delightful little girl, but still, she felt invisible to those who meant the most to her. Her parents. Maybe it was because she never asked for anything, was quiet, and always appeared to be content. Regardless of how we look at it, this little girl believed she was invisible. She felt abandoned and replaced as the baby of our family too. We should have been more observant to what was happening and attentive to her specific needs.

As time went on, the princess grew up and became a most beautiful young woman. Mikayla still struggles with some insecurities and trust because of her early years but today she is one of the strongest women you will ever meet. She is strong in her convictions. She holds strong family values and morals. She is strong in the Lord. She is loyal and very loving. Mikayla has taught me so much about perseverance. She is an overcomer. An inspiration. My Life Lesson #577. Listen to what your kids are saying…specifically, the things they are not saying.

Let the past remain in the past. The transition from an invisible little princess named Mikayla to a lovely, young visible woman calls for a new name to reflect this new transformation. A name affectionately given to her, by me.

My sweet Charlie. ♥️

Here’s to new days with new beginnings. Thank you, Charlie, for showing me the strength in overcoming. I love you.

Thank you for sharing this life lesson with me. Some lessons aren’t always easy to acknowledge because they are often learned by mistakes made by us as parents. This one was especially painful for me because I realize just how much she hurt because she felt invisible to me, her own mother.

So…always be grateful for the little things. Especially for the little ones who call you mom. Or dad. ♥️

Andi

PS Charlie has become quite a writer and actually has a blog of her own. Creative writing often comes from the deepest recesses of the heart. She writes from there. It’s evident in her expression and the way her words flow effortlessly, like a cool mountain stream.

You might check out her blog: themerakiwtiter.wordpress.com

Me: Hello God.

God: Hello.

Me: I’m falling apart. Can you put me back together?

God: I would rather not.

Me: Why?

God: Because you aren’t a puzzle.

Me: What about all of the pieces of my life that are falling onto the ground?

God: They fell off for a reason. Take some time and decide if you need any of those pieces back.

Me: You don’t understand. I’m breaking down.

God: No, you don’t understand. You are not breaking down. You are breaking through. You aren’t falling apart. You are falling into place. Take some deep breaths and allow those things you don’t need to fall off. Let them go.

Me: But what will be left of me?

God: Only the very best pieces of you.

Me: I’m afraid of change.

God: You are not changing. You are becoming.

Me: Becoming?

God: Becoming who I created you to be. A person of light and love, filled with compassion and goodness.

Me: There goes another piece.

God: Let it be.

Me: So I’m not broken?

God: No….but you are breaking like a new dawn. You are becoming. And that is a good thing.

~Author Unknown
(Paraphrased and edited)

I thought this was a perfect blog for today. Our lives are in a constant stage of change. We need to embrace it even while going through sometimes difficult transformations. Just be mindful of what parts of you are allowing to fall to the ground. Grow and change in a positive way. Just as a caterpillar goes through it’s transformation to become something quite beautiful, so are you.

Thank you for stopping by. Coffee is perfect this morning. Have a wonderful day. And be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photo: July 2017, flowers and butterfly on our float at the 4-H county fair parade.

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

8 It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.

This is one of my favorite Bible passages. I reflect on it a lot…especially vs. 5, and do not lean on your own understanding. I try to make sense of things and I’m not always very good at it. Sometimes, many times, I read more into a situation than I should, only to my own detriment. Sometimes I misread people. I often misunderstand someone because of miscommunication, my own insecurities, or prejudices. I, sometimes, have my own preconceived ideas and/ or personal desires for a situation to evolve in a certain way and that usually hinders the outcome. The reality is this…if I lean on my own understanding, it typically doesn’t play out very well.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, vs. 6. I didn’t really consider what this means until earlier last week. I think everything you do and say should reflect God. It means you can’t stick Him in a drawer or the top shelf in the linen closet only to pull Him out when you need Him. God needs to be with your every step. Include Him. Honor Him. Acknowledge Him through everything you do.

Do not be wise in your own eyes, vs. 7. This is a tough one for me. Maybe for most people. I think I know situations well enough to give advice, or even in my own decision making, when clearly I am not well suited for either. Believing we know better than God what’s in our best interest is being pretty wise in our own eyes as well. Maybe it has to do with our attitude too. I know in the past I’ve been humbled greatly for thinking I knew it all and had the correct answers…until the crown was disgracefully knocked from my head. Arrogance, selfishness, and pride can make you look pretty foolish when God steps in and takes control of a situation. There’s nothing more humbling than being humbled by God.

I find that as I get older, I have mellowed some. And I am grateful for that. I don’t get angry as easily as before. You realize that there’s no sense in it. A lot of things that upset us are trivial in the scheme of life. Think of all the energy and time wasted on something that won’t even be remembered next week. Handle things more gently and not as if each issue is the end of the world. I admit that my nerves are a little more on edge lately with family issues and this virus and all its inconsistencies, so I’ve reacted in sharper ways than I normally would. I can’t let situations control me. I need to be in control of my reactions. But for the most part, I am a calmer more patient person.

I intend to reflect on these verses throughout the coming week. I hope you found this useful too. Thank you for stopping by today. Have a wonderful new week.

Set aside some time today to give God the glory for all He has done. Thank Him for sending His Son to us. And today, and always, be ever so grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photo: a beautiful bird feeder and an orchid. Taken at a flower shop where I once worked.

I’m not ready…

…to live a life without little ones under my feet, who hide behind me, holding onto my pant leg, or who fall asleep in their plate of food after running around outside on a sweet summer day.

I’m not ready…

…to sort through boxes and containers filled with one memory after another…of baby clothes, blankets, burp rags, and noisy toys. Of stuffed animals, baby dolls, LEGO’s, cars and trucks, puzzles, and Lincoln Logs. It’s just too hard.

I’m not ready…

…to sort through pictures from not-so-long-ago, of my sweet babies I lovingly rocked while singing made-up lullabies, or reading story books such as, Little Rabbit’s Bath and Froggy Gets Dressed.

I’m not ready…

…to find a new, loving home for my beautiful oak table where meals were once shared and playing dice with Grandpa filled the room with laughter.

I’m not ready…

…to end the annual Holiday Baking Day with my five girls as the guys played video games, stopping only to sneak treats that we’ve made.

I’m so not ready…

…to let go of our school days with silly songs about the planets and the colors of the rainbow. Or to put away the precious Indian Child poem that was each child’s first performance, along with the notebooks, textbooks, workbooks, and library books. Broken crayons, the smell of pencil shavings, rulers, and the Judy clock. Spelling tests. Division. Easy Grammar. I will admit that our homeschool was definitely imperfect, but yet…it was ohhhhh…so very perfect. ♥️

I’m not ready…

…to let go of special people who left this life way too soon.

I’m not ready…

…to come home to an empty house.

Or, to move forward, into the future, alone.

I’m just not ready…

Life happened too quickly. I didn’t heed the warnings from those older than me. I thought whatever moment I was in at the time…would last a lifetime. But it didn’t. And I’d like to have that time back.

Just so you know though, I am truly thankful for each minute spent with my kids while they were growing up and I am very proud of their achievements so far in life. I’m excited about their futures, filled with their own dreams and goals. I just miss them. Terribly.

I’m grateful also, for my life experiences, the good, the bad, and the very ugly. These experiences have made me who I am today. It is my desire to become a better person everyday. And I am blessed every morning that I wake up.

Yes, I am going through a difficult time in life. And, yes, I could keep all my thoughts to myself. But what I’m experiencing is very real. No one should be ashamed to have these emotions. And maybe if I share the things that are heavy on my heart, one person may relate and not feel so all alone. It is my hope anyway. Because there’s nothing worse then feeling all alone.

Treasure your time upon this earth and be ever present in each moment. Moments become memories rather quickly.

Thank you for reading this blog. I hope you will continue to come back. Coffee with you is the absolute best.

Be grateful in all things. ♥️

Andi

Photos: 1-Zeke; 2-Mattea; 3-Mikayla & Denae; 4-Mikayla & Dani and my beautiful oak table filled with Holiday Baking Day goodies; 5-Denae, sitting at her desk; 6-Nathan & Jet working on school; 7-Chelle/ Mom; 8-Jet & Nathan after a great fishing day; 9-five of my children.

Rerouting is sort of a continuation of yesterday’s blog, Reboot. I hope you don’t mind. I had additional thoughts come to mind this morning that I felt had value and worth sharing.

Last October I visited Maine. I put on my big girl pants and ventured out exploring on my own. While it was out of my comfort zone, it was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done (on my own). It was definitely a trip of self-discovery and growth. I rented a car for the first time in my life. I drove to Bar Harbor. I visited the Bangor Police Department to see Tim Cotton and the Duck of Justice. (Google it) I forgot to run by Stephen King’s home though. I did stop at Dunkin Donuts. More than once. Don’t judge me. I like their coffee. I even decided to drive a long distance to Moosehead Lake. By. My. Self.

While on my drive to Moosehead Lake, which was mostly a straight shot from Bangor, my Australian co-pilot decided to take me off the main highway. I obeyed and followed his direction even though I wasn’t understanding his logic. (I think I just came up with another blog topic. “Sheeple”.)

Anyway, I got off the highway and he rerouted me through the country. I had some harsh words for him as I questioned his intelligence. And yes, I spoke out loud. He didn’t respond to me, but kept silent…except for his instructions on when and where I should turn. But…I will never forget the beauty I would have otherwise missed. It was autumn and peak leaf season. Several residents who I came across mentioned it was the most colorful fall they could remember in recent years. I stopped along the rerouted route to take pictures. The views were breathtaking.

My Aussie then rerouted me back to the highway I was on in the first place. On my way back, I noticed there was no construction or any type of issue that he was trying to help me avoid. I still don’t understand his logic, but I’m grateful he rerouted me through the Maine countryside.

Sometimes we need to rethink our situation and reroute. In my mind, I had my own reality of how my life would be at this age. I figured all my kids would be here near me. We’d have Sunday dinners and frequent get-togethers. That’s what I wanted. And, I still do. But that’s not to be. My reality and theirs are not the same. I cannot force my reality on anyone. That’s not fair. I’ve had to learn (and painfully accept) that in a couple of ways lately. I can’t force my reality, my hope, on someone else no matter how right it seems to me. So it’s time to redirect my thoughts, my dreams, and my hope. I basically need to reroute my life. As painful as this is (because remember, this is my realty), I have no choice but to reroute.

Rerouting isn’t easy. You might question it like I did Siri. But you may find that the new route will take you places you never dreamed of. Or maybe the new route will teach you things you need to know and reroute you back to the road you were on in the first place. But I can’t focus on, or hope for that to happen because it may not ever become reality. Holding onto the dream of reconnecting with that road would only prevent me from experiencing what is in front of me. And that would, in turn, only add more heartache to my life. So, I will let go of what I thought was real, (try to) focus on the new route, and plan accordingly.

I hope you benefit from my wordy blogs. I’m just a rambling kinda girl. Maybe someone else could use fewer words to relay their thoughts but that seems to be an impossibility for me.

Thank you for stopping by today. Coffee with a little KerryGold Irish cream is perfect on this day of reflection.

Remember that no matter what your situation is, always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: top – Maine, October 2019; bottom – My oldest daughter, Denae, St. Joe, MI, May 2012. This picture seems to reflect how I am feeling today as I contemplate rerouting my life.

There comes a time in your life when things are just so routine that life isn’t fully lived or enjoyed. I was discussing this subject with a friend this morning. I stated that I really don’t want life to go back to normal. Not my normal anyway. He messaged one word. Reboot. Hence the birth of this blog.

My mind has been spinning with ideas and new dreams. My youngest son and his family left everything here and moved to a faraway place for a new beginning with all new adventures. I am very excited for them. These past several days I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this and wondering what prevents me from doing the same. What holds me back? I don’t want my life to return to my old normal. Maybe I do need to reboot. Hopefully, I can make this happen in one way or another. There are many things to consider but life is about change and taking chances. Not sure what reboot means for me. It could mean something wonderful. It definitely means change. I can’t get around that. So only time will tell.

Do you want to go back to your pre-Covid life? Do you need to reboot? Sometimes change is necessary. Sometimes it’s about letting go. Realizing you need to let go.

I hope that you spend some of your time during this downtime to reflect on your life. Make mental notes or start a journal. What needs to change? What areas need improvement? What’s holding you back? What should you pursue, and what should you let go of? It’s not always going to be easy because change often hurts. But remaining in the same situation is often painful too. Just know that taking positive steps forward just might be the right thing to do in the long run. You never know until you try.

I hope your day is good. Keep a positive attitude. Get outside if you can today. And always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: road trip to Story, IN, May 10, 2020

Sometimes something wonderful can come out of an unpleasant situation. While we should always walk away with a lesson learned, once in awhile we might walk away with a gift as well. I recently received such a gift.

Without going into details of my situation, I would like to share with you the gift I received. That gift led to another which, in turn, led to this blog. The first gift I received was the rekindling of a friendship. I made a call to my friend whom I haven’t talked to in years. I was unsure of how my call would be received because of the circumstances initiating the call. Pretty much the first words she spoke were, “Andi, I still consider you to be one of my sweetest friends.” And my heart rejoiced. Gift one: I reconnected with my dear friend.

Our conversation was relaxed and pleasant as if the separation of time and space never occurred. We talked about many things and reminisced about our early homeschooling days. She also shared with me a book that she is reading again. A book that has helped her in coping with life changes, spiritual growth, and finding peace. The book is called A Place Called Simplicity. She gave me a quick summary of the book and I became very interested. So I ordered it. Gift two: the book.

Currently, I’m sitting in my sunroom, reading the book, and writing this blog while still in my jammies. Jammies are perfect quarantine attire. The book is good so far and it inspired this blog. I feel the author is speaking directly with me…over a cup of coffee. I agree that our inner self is fighting to go back. Back to where life is simpler. Back to where we were first designed. Back to the Garden.

God created the world by speaking it into existence. He put thought into every word He spoke and everything was created out of love. When God created man, He designed us intricately and perfectly. And He gave us a perfect place to live. The garden was furnished with everything we would ever need. Although He created one man and one woman, I refer to them as us. And that is because had any of us been in the garden, I believe we would have acted the same as Adam and Eve. They were foolish. Just as we are today.

We are never satisfied, just as Adam and Eve were not. They wanted more even though they had it all. And our history proves we are still in that same mindset. Each new piece of technology comes with a loosely-woven promise to free up our time so we can live simpler, happier, and more peaceful lives. We think we can invent our way back to the place God gave us in the first place. But since that fateful day when Adam and Eve decided they knew better than God, He has been trying to get us back into the garden. (The garden now being a state of mind, an attitude.) And I believe the same as this author, we struggle internally to regain what we have lost. Simplicity.

With the events of today, we have some time to reflect on simpler things. What makes our life more fulfilling? What changes will we make when life returns to “normal”? What will we gladly leave behind? Or, will we fill our lives and schedules as in the pre-Covid days? Have we learned anything?

I, for one, desire a simplistic life. And I hope I can focus on the things that matter most and toss out the complexities whenever possible. God knew what was best for us back in the garden and He knows what’s best for us now. He hasn’t changed. Maybe we were made to slow down for a reason. Let’s embrace this moment in time even through the difficulties.

Thank you for stopping by on this Sunday. I hope your new week is a great one and that you give God the glory for all things good and beautiful in your life. Yes, even for the trials, as they build character, strength, and wisdom.

Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: The flower pics were taken a couple years ago from my porch pots. The butterfly pic is from my Jamaican trip a few years back. Pic of me was taken yesterday after a drive out in the country with one of my daughters and two of our dogs. Connecting with nature does the soul good. ♥️

Four years ago, was my first Mother’s Day without my mom. I still cannot believe she’s gone. Such a longing I still have for her. I guess the heart doesn’t consider age when it comes to the love between a daughter and her mother. It remains the same.

May 7, 2016
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day.
My first without my mom.

Can’t say this is easy because it’s not. So many memories we shared, but even more memories that weren’t made because we’ve lived a great distance apart. This is one of my deepest pains in life. We were connected by phone. That was our lifeline. And while we were very close there are many things I wish I knew about my mom.

I have a hundred questions circling my mind. Answers I really should know, but I don’t. You always think there’s plenty of time. But honestly…there just isn’t. If your mom is not with you this Mother’s Day, I understand. I understand your heartache and your emptiness. But if she is here…ask her tomorrow what her favorite flower is or if she prefers sunsets to sunrises. I don’t know these things and I wish I did. And I have so many more questions I’d like to ask her.

But I do know this…my mom loved me and its a blessing that I can still hear her say my name. I remember the softness of her skin and the way she smelled. And the way her laugh lit up the room. My siblings and I, and anyone else present, would join her and we’d tearfully laugh until our stomachs and faces hurt. Nothing in this life was more in important to her than my brother, sister, and me. Of that, I am sure.

My mother loved to drink coffee. Tomorrow, I plan to drink a cup (or two) in her honor. I love and miss her greatly.

This Mother’s Day cherish your mom, whether in person or in spirit. And if she is here, ask what her favorite flower is.

Always be grateful. ♥️

Happy Mother’s Day!

Andi

Photos: 1st-Mom with us kids at the beginning of the Mississippi River, mid 60’s; 2nd-Mom and I at her home in Fredericksburg, MD, mid ‘80’s, as you can tell by my hair; 3rd-my family, Ft. Wayne, IN, late 70’s; 4th-6th-one of the most memorable laughs, ever! It was a fun night after my oldest’s wedding; 7th-mom and I on her 70th birthday in Raleigh, NC; 8th-My beautiful mom on her 70th birthday. She passed away at the young age of 74.

St. Joseph, Michigan
North Pier Lighthouses

I found this wonderful place in the fall of 2010 and enjoyed it so much that I have shared it with two of my daughters (so far) and with my friend, Chelle. My youngest is anxiously awaiting for our trip which is supposed to be this summer. We will see if it can happen.

This beautiful little touristy town has much to offer. The beach alone, with its amazing sunsets, is enough to warrant a visit. I do know the lake has been quite angry for months now and the Michigan coastline has suffered serious erosion, as has the Illinois coastline, so I am not sure what condition the beach is in now. But the town is quaint and very artsy. There’s a restored carousel near the beach too. Amtrak has a little station there and the tracks go over the channel on a swing bridge. I’ve never seen one before but it fascinates me. Walks on either of the piers are a highlight. Needless to say, my girls have fallen in love with my happy place.

I look forward to going back many more times. It’s just a very good thinking spot as Pooh would say.

I thought I’d share sweet memories with you today. I’m enjoying my coffee as I write. Thank you for joining me.

Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: all mine 🙂

I just can’t imagine life being harder than it is this right now, but I know it certainly could be. I don’t know how to handle each day and I’m feeling pretty lost. Crying is as routine anymore as brushing my teeth and washing my hands.

I cannot say that there isn’t something sinister going on in the world currently. I’d like to think that the politicians and big moneymakers are truly compassionate about the people of the world but I’m beginning to have my doubts. Isolation breaks people. It breaks their spirit and their health. I feel mine weakening. There’s so much that doesn’t make sense and my mind just cannot comprehend it all. My heart hurts. I’m lonely. And I’m emotionally exhausted.

I want to fix things and make everything better and I cannot. It’s quite troubling to me. I feel trapped, like a caged animal. I want to get in my car and just go. My energy is fueled by coffee and anxiety as I don’t sleep well lately.

I am aware that God’s blessings still abound. And I am so grateful. I really am. I cannot imagine how much worse I’d feel if I didn’t have Him in my life. I know I need to rely on God even more and this is a challenge for me. Visiting with my residents at work today has lifted my spirits some. They are treasures.

I will pray for you, my friends, and I ask that you pray for me as well. Pray for those who are sick that they be treated properly and with utmost care. Pray for those who are doing the treating.

Thank you for listening to me. I’ll be fine. No worries. I always bounce back like Tigger.

I need another cup of coffee. And a nap would be good right about now.

Always be grateful. Even when life seems bleak. ♥️

Andi

Photo: Amarillis Lily, 2020

We often visualize flowing creeks, streams, and rivers when thinking of this idea of “paths of least resistance”. They will move around rocks and earth to find the easiest path to take them on their journey.

We pretty much do the same thing with the many paths traveled in our lives. It’s not necessarily the best thing, but we still do it. We cut corners. We cut time. We avoid. We quit. Anything to make life easier.

My first example is, of course, about me. I believe in one of my first blogs I shared with you about a time in my life, very recently, actually, when I was mad at God. I was angry because I felt I did what was expected of me by God but the situation I was in fell apart anyway. It was disastrous. Regardless, I became angry and I walked away from Him. Granted, I still knew He was there. He continued to bless me in so many ways. I was acting like a child and not speaking to Him, per se. The situation I was in relied on two people to make it work. Not just one. I realized that but still continued to be “mad” at Him. Do you know why? Because being mad at God gave me an excuse to do nothing. It was easy. I didn’t have give Him my time or my energy. I could do what I wanted. My path of least resistance. That went on for a couple of years. Would that have ended well for me? How long before He would have been done with me? He turned His back on His people all through history to teach them lessons. I am glad He gave me the time to figure things out. He surely didn’t have to, but then again, that is why He is an awesome God.

Sometimes, as parents, we follow the path of least resistance in rearing our children. Let’s face it, raising kids is difficult. It is a 24/7 job for 18 years. When we threaten a discipline, we often back out. We threaten and threaten and they repeat, only to get their way because we quit. We are too tired to get up and take the cookie jar away. We pick up all their toys while they watch Barney. We put them in a timeout until they decide when they can get up. We give them treats to stop a tantrum. You understand. We’ve all done it. We’ve followed the path of least resistance to the detriment of our children.

Do we give our all at work? Or do we try to make it look as though we’ve done a thorough job? Do we cut corners? Do we allow a coworker to take blame for our laziness and incompetence? Do we cover up our paths of resistance with lies, excuses, and whiteout?

How about your marriage? Are you giving your all to the one who holds your heart? Do you make that person feel that they are the most special person to you in all the world? Or do you give them minimal time and effort? Do you listen to them? Or better yet, do you hear them? Is your relationship with your phone more important than building and supporting and nurturing your relationship, because marriage certainly does not stop with “I do”. Marriage is a nonstop commitment of working together, of raising each other up, of sacrifice, of loving, and of giving. Don’t follow the path of least resistance in a marriage.

These are just a few examples of how we avoid doing difficult things. And yes, anything of value and everything good, is hard work and truly worth every bit of time and energy spent.

My salvation depended on getting off the path of least resistance. Our children need to learn respect for authority and to realize the world doesn’t cater to their individual desires. Your work ethics demand that you do your job fully and completely because neglect will be most likely be discovered and a career possibly ruined. Your marriage could end in divorce if you continue to avoid the rocks and hills and valleys.

The path of least resistance sounds like the easy way to go, but in the long run, it has devastating and long-lasting affects. Be mindful of the path you are traveling.

Thank you for reading my blogs. I hope you found something of value written here today. Be safe and healthy, my friends. Enjoy the coffee…and always be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photo credits: first: Mattea, senior photo taken by her brother, Jet, of jetkaiserfilms.com; second: Cataract Falls (lower), November 2019, third: arial view of Maine, October 2019; fourth: Denae, rejoicing on a leaf-laden pathway, fall of 2011

In one of my earlier blogs, I mentioned that I write with me in mind first and foremost. It’s because I need to hear it maybe more so than anyone else. Writing is therapy to me and I typically feel better after writing. But I want you to know something else about me. While I sometimes appear to be this strong woman who has things figured out, I am the furthest thing from that. While I write with determination and conviction, I have great difficulties living it. Tonight, I will be brutally honest. Tonight, my world seems to be falling apart, unraveling. Tonight, I can’t breathe. I’m in all the places I just don’t want to be. And I don’t know how to fix things or make them better. Where do I go from here is weighing heavy on my heart tonight.

All I have ever wanted was a simple life and a close family. Sunday dinners. Frequent gatherings of bonfires and games. Holidays of fun and laughter. But nothing has ever been simple. And complexities keep us from being as close with each other as we once were. I suppose that is only natural. But I don’t have to like it. I was excitedly hoping that my grandkids would grow up around cousins, aunts, and uncles. I wanted them to have what my children did not. The reality is, it’s just not gonna happen. This was my vision, not necessarily theirs. And it hit me hard today. Three of my six children have moved away to start new adventures of their own. My three grandchildren are with them as well. Selfishly, this is an unraveling of my dream.

I want to sell my beautiful home. Financially, I should move. Plus, I don’t need this much space once all the kids leave. I need a place that is more manageable for me to care for. But with all my kids spreading out, I don’t know where to go. Where is home? I feel so absolutely lost. They say that home is where your heart is. Well then, my heart is torn into six pieces.

My hours at work are being cut dramatically. I might even lose my job in health care in a few weeks. Who knows for sure, but I feel I need to plan for that. What do I do? Do I find a place to move and a new job now? I truly don’t know how to handle this. Health care isn’t a surety these days, not even with Covid-19. Not like I thought anyway.

I have so many decisions to make. Big decisions and many little ones. And I am angry that I have to weather this alone. I feel helpless as I watch my life unravel.

As you can see, I am just as human as you are. You have decisions to make and burdens to bear that are just as difficult as mine, only they are yours. You may even have illness or addictions or other things to bear that I do not. We just need to push through these difficult times and do our best and give the rest to God. I once wrote that tomorrow is usually a better day. And if tomorrow isn’t, the next tomorrow will be. I’m holding onto that. I want you to hold onto that as well.

My youngest son and his beautiful little family are moving a long, 14-hour drive from here. We said our goodbyes today. With this sadness, my work schedule being cut, and the chaos in this Covid-19 world, I am overwhelmed, tearful, and somewhat afraid. I just needed to write. Thanks for being here.

Let’s focus on James 1 this week.

Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

PS Just so you know, I am excited for my son and this new phase in his life. I wish him well, and send with him all my love. I just miss my family.

Photo: my photo

I don’t know about you, but I am greatly troubled with all that is going on in our country. The virus and the political madness, the stresses at work, my personal finances, decisions to be made, indecision, sleepless nights, loneliness…the list goes on and on. I do feel uneasy. I feel unsure. I wonder what is expected of me. I wonder what changes will be thrown at us tomorrow. I wonder why nothing is consistent and or even makes sense. I wonder what is necessary and what truly isn’t. I wonder…

But I do know that God is consistent. He is a solid foundation even in a world of turmoil. I just need to set my worries aside for a few moments so I can read His word. Why is that so hard to do?

I did struggle this past week to sit down with my Bible. I am very easily distracted. I admit that. When I finally opened it up, I thought about which passage I should turn to. I needed something to help me. Something I could meditate on all week long. My first go to book is Philippians, but as soon as I thought of that book, James quickly popped in my head. I thought that was odd and it made me curious, so I turned to James. Where do I turn to in James? I didn’t know, so I started at the beginning.

As I began reading the first chapter of James, a peace came over me as I knew this was the perfect place for me to be. This chapter is packed with wisdom and support.

Below are some of the high points I’d like to share with you.

Verses 5 and 6 made me realize that I often run on my own wisdom rather than seeking His, and that I am like a sea, troubled and stirred up, with many doubts.

I continued…

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial…” verse 12a.

Have I remained steadfast? I have felt beaten and broken, and to the point where I have considered giving up. But I don’t. I come back. Is that considered steadfast? I don’t know. I have a very real human side to me. But I guess that is how He created us. Right? So maybe it’s okay to feel these things without giving up. Finding strength in Him to pull us up and out.

“…let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” Verses 19, 20

Do I react before thinking? Yes, I still do occasionally. I was much worse in my younger years. Maybe we do mellow as we get older. Still…I need to practice patience. Feelings can be hurt, friendships damaged, and souls lost when we react in haste. You can retract the words later, but you cannot retract the damage done. A reminder to think before speaking or doing.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” Verse 22

I desire to be a doer, but am I? It’s easy to hear. It’s easy to verbalize. But do I do? Today is a good day to examine oneself.

These are just a few thoughts to consider from James 1. I hope that this message will give you a little comfort and wisdom for this new week.

Below is a poem I wrote many years ago, but it expresses my feelings today. Maybe you can relate. Just know that there is strength in God and beauty all around us that lifts us from dark places.

WAVES

The waves, swirling, pulling, pushing,
They sweep over me,
They sweep under me,
They trap me and hold me down.

Its darkness swallows me completely,
And I do not know which way to freedom,
Nor which way leads to the pits of hell,
The darkness is so very cold.

Indecision:
One decision can change the lives
of so many,
How is that fair?
How is that kind?

Two choices:
A yes or a no,
Yet, neither are simple,
Although the words are small.

The waves move me about,
Twisting me and turning my body,
As though a dog’s toy,
I am bruised, battered, and beaten.

Most of this, as horrible the reality,
Is surely self-inflicted,
I must control my attitude,
no matter what the circumstance.

By Andi
July 24, 2011

Be grateful. ♥️
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above…” James 1:17a

Find peace in this day. ♥️

Andi

Photos: Maine coast , October 2019

Lately, this word is being tossed around a great deal. That along with quarantine. Two words that rarely touched our lips are now more popular than mac and cheese.

But this morning, I question the very definition of essential. Those who were essential last week have now been moved to nonessential. This makes me question who really is considered essential and who is not. And who makes this judgment call? I didn’t realize that “essentialality” (my new word), was purely regulated by others and not by need. I confess that I am both naive and gullible. And I am bitter this morning. Someone is still bringing home a handsome paycheck at the expense of others who do the work. Although hours are cut, many have the same workload, and still others are now unemployed. There are jobs that could be done, and should be done, but are now found to be nonessential. Ask the person who has heart disease, diabetes, or cancer and can’t get some of the treatments or surgeries they need. Now it comes down to who is nonessential and who is expendable.

Strange things are happening in our world. Things are very much out of whack and without rhyme or reason. We need to start questioning everything presented to us and get out of the Simon says, “jump” mentality. We aren’t circus animals either.

I would apologize for my rant this morning, but I’m not sorry. Watching our country deteriorate should make all of us angry. It should touch our heart and soul. This is our home. We have a responsibility to do the research ourselves and question every single recommendation and policy that is thrown our way. We do have minds, you know? Let’s use them.

I know this situation is new to us and it’s kind of a trial and error thing, but it’s gone on long enough and we need to start fixing things. Essential people should still be essential. And frankly, we are ALL essential. Every single one of us. The US is our home and we all have our own chores to do to keep our household running smoothly. That’s how I look at it.

You can agree with me or not. It’s okay. I don’t pretend to be smart. I don’t pretend to have the answers or the know-how. I am just calling it as I see it.

Find a way to smile today. I will. Be kind and loving. I’m going to rid myself of the bitterness I woke up with this morning. Writing this blog has certainly helped. Being bitter solves nothing.

Drinking coffee is essential to the start of my day. Thanks for joining me. 😊

Always be grateful, even in these complicated, unfair, and confusing times. ♥️

Andi

A New Day

A new day
bright, sunny
enlightening

A new bond
friendship, peace
sharing

A new outlook
hopeful, promise
forgiving

A new view
reminiscent, reflecting
learning

A new dream
excited, youthful,
yearning

A new lifestyle
optimistic, positive
healing

A new heart
grateful, true,
loving

– Andi
March 8, 2015

I hope this day is amazing. Yesterday, I did some things that made life seem “normal” again. It was refreshing to say the least. It gives me hope. Granted, I do not want some of our old normal to return. I hope we are learning well of what to keep and what to discard. Love and cherish the simple, more meaningful things in your day. Life doesn’t have to be busy and complicated to be good. Spend some time outdoors. You don’t have to do anything but watch the clouds or admire the new growth of green everywhere.

Thanks for coming by every day lately. I may take a few days off. Maybe not. But maybe. I appreciate all your visits. I really do.

Remember to be grateful in everything. ♥️

Andi

Photos: my flowers, 2016

I went to the Blue Store two days ago. (That’s what my oldest boys called that particular store when they were very young. Well, it used to be blue back then.) I have to tell you that I was slightly disturbed at the sign in the entryway. It gave directions on how to walk through the store. My initial thought was are you kidding me? As I walked toward the produce section, I noticed long blue signs on the floor with arrows displaying what 6’ of social distancing looks like. Seriously…are you kidding me?

Then I get to an aisle that I need to go down, only to see a red “Do Not Enter” sign on the floor in front of it. I stand there at the end cap, the rebel in me wondering what would happen if I crossed it, and I take a glance down the store. Red and green signs alternating in front of each aisle. What? Am I really seeing this? The rebel is too tired to deal with Blue Store security, so I move away from the aisle that I need to go down, but can’t because it’s red, and I slide down to the next, which is green. At the opposite end of the aisle that I am now entering correctly, I see a woman backing her cart into the aisle because she cannot enter from that end. So she backs in. Sigh…I just want to go home. This is beyond ridiculous.

When I get near the soft drink aisle, I watch a man flip out as a woman turned down his aisle entering from the wrong direction. He freaked out and started yelling at her that she was not to enter from that end. Oh, my gosh…are you freaking kidding me? This is what we’ve come to? She didn’t deserve to be yelled at like that. Remember you are touching things in the store, touching your face, and using that keypad when checking out. He wasn’t wearing a mask, shield, gloves, or gown. If you are that worried, maybe you should just stay home. Frankly, to see a grown man react the way he did, didn’t make me feel good at all.

Somebody pinch me….

I just wanted to find my things and get out of there. As I’m trying to get through the store, without crossing any lines illegally, instead of music playing overhead, I hear a woman’s voice telling us how to social distance ourselves and wash our hands. This is has to be from a sci-fi movie. None of this can be real.

This is just way too much for my little brain to comprehend. Waaayy too much. How did we get to this place of marking walkways in a store? I’m not sure why they didn’t complete the project by lining the walkways with cattle panels. That’s how I felt.

Do not get me wrong. I’m not ridiculing this virus. I have a lot of questions and concerns about it, yes…but I do know that people get sick, and some die. Without getting into the politics of this thing, I am just wondering how (and why) we got to this place of such fear and panic, irrational behavior, marked by the inability for so many to think on their own. These things do not work in our favor, people. They make us weak. Weak is the opposite of strong. We need to be strong as individuals, and as a society. My trip to the Blue Store portrayed weakness to me. Fear and irrational behavior is spreading faster than the virus. Marking walkways causes an underlying fear. This all makes me feel rather uneasy. Maybe I should stay home. It bothers me a great deal to see society breaking down.

I just needed to vent. We all have our own thoughts on this current event. These are mine. Well, I have more, but I’ll stop here. All I want to say is be smart. Don’t lose your head. Instead, use it. Don’t let others think for you because they will mark walkways in grocery stores. Stay calm. Don’t freak out when someone walks toward you. Be strong.

Remember this is only temporary. (We can only hope.) Be mindful of each other. And wash your hands. If you need to know how to do that correctly, I suggest you make a trip to the Blue Store.

Thanks for being here. My door is always open. I think I will switch to decafe today.

Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Origin post: April 26, 2020

Where flowers bloom, so does hope.

Matthew 6: 28, 29 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Today is hard. We live in trying times. But still we have many reasons to rejoice. God feeds the squirrels and the birds. He waters the flowers, and gives the earth sunshine. He will take care of us as well. Remember that God is still in control. Be thankful for that.

Note to self: Don’t be anxious. ♥️

Andi

Photos: Queen Anne’s Lace, one of my favorite flowers. Photos taken near my home.

“No, I can’t.” I’ve told myself this a thousand times. “I can’t do this anymore.”

It’s horrible to feel that low. I’ve been in that place many times. I know how it is to feel helpless and alone. It’s very difficult especially when you have the responsibility of a home, and children who rely on you as their leader. And their leader falls apart.

With the changes of today, I can only assume that the number of people saying, “I can’t” has risen. I am sympathetic towards all the challenges that people are now facing as many are losing jobs, businesses are closing, children are schooled at home, and the future is just a huge question mark. My problems are not near as desperate as others, but that doesn’t make mine any less real or unimportant. I still have to figure out ways to handle mine, just as everyone has to deal with their own. And it’s really hard at times.

But the one thing that holds true for me is that tomorrow is almost always better. And if not tomorrow, it’s the next tomorrow. And I rejoice in that day.

It is very important to realize that just the thought of “I can’t” limits the ability to move forward. Negative self-talk depletes our energy and breaks our spirit. Try to focus on the positive. Take one day at a time. Do what you can, but give the rest to the Lord.

I am grateful for the friends who are a support to me, and for those who call to see how I’m doing. No words can express the gratitude I have for them. One of my best friends recently called because I had been quiet. I talked and he listened. Then he talked. He helped me to see that some of my stress is basically self-inflicted. I put unrealistic pressures upon myself for things I have no control over. I appreciate how he handled the conversation. If you feel trapped, talk to someone. Talking can help to sort things out. Sometimes that’s all you need.

I am thankful to God as He always makes a way. He blesses me continually. I know I shouldn’t worry or stress, but I do. I’m afraid of making wrong decisions. I’m fearful of many things. But He never fails.

I hope that you look to God for guidance and strength. Times are too difficult to handle alone. God is bigger and greater than any problem we have. It’s hard to remember that at times but we should keep Him first and foremost in our mind.

Thank you for reading my blogs. I always hope that each blog gives you something to smile about, or inspires you in some way. At the very least, I hope you realize that you are not alone. I appreciate you.

Always always be grateful…♥️

Andi

Photo: top: sunset at People’s Pathway; bottom: sunrise at my home

Love. It comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. It ranges in color from black and white at times, to a box of 64 multicolored Crayola crayons. The world revolves around love. And love is powerful enough to stop your world.

Love is a peculiar thing. You can’t see it but you can see it’s effects. Love can launch your head into the clouds and cause you to walk into door frames and light posts. Or, fall off curbs. It can bring a smile to your lips and tears to your eyes. You can’t see it yet you eagerly search for it. Love comes, and love goes. Everyone wants it. Everyone needs it. Everyone deserves it. Love can heal a broken heart and then break it again into a million pieces. You can fall into it, and then fall out of it. You can love someone or, more importantly, be in love. Love is blind. Love is in the air. Lovesick is the “sickness” you actually want to have. Love even comes with its own fireworks display. Love feels good. Love hurts.

Love is the intense form of like. Example: “I like your hair. No, I love your hair.” Which, when translated, means, “I really, really, really like your hair.” I do believe the word love is vastly overused, maybe even abused, to the point that perhaps the depth and quality of the meaning has diminished some. I know there are several definitions of love and it can be used as either a noun or verb. I get it. I guess it’s more thoughtful to say, “I love your shoes.” instead of, “I like your shoes, a lot.” But when it comes to relationships, love needs to be profound, unique, defined, compelling, and far greater than all the other “loves”. Point: Don’t let love get lost.

True love is what everyone is searching for. Well, maybe most everyone. Okay, some of us. Alright, me. True love cannot be one-sided, otherwise it wouldn’t be true. Love without action is empty. It’s easy to say I love you. It’s much harder to back up those words because it takes a great deal of thoughtfulness and work. Be mindful of this BEFORE you make a commitment. If their actions don’t support their words, then you are in the wrong relationship. Don’t believe you can change them later. That’s not fair and it doesn’t work. You truly do not want to make a commitment with someone who you feel needs to change. Lust is often mistaken for love which leads to broken hearts, guilt, rejection, and grief. Avoid making that mistake. Be mindful of these things.

True love isn’t perfect by any means, because, well…we are human. But, true love is a shared and common bond of companionship, trust, understanding, support, loyalty, goals, etc. Even though we may consider a relationship to be true love, it still requires work. Everything good requires work to maintain. Anyone who says you can “live on love” is living in a dream world. Loving relationships require patience, self-sacrifice, and a great amount of understanding, among other things. Maybe to them it doesn’t feel like work. I would then commend them for that attitude. And maybe it is possible to feel that way if you are with the right person, and on the same page.

Maybe I’m not the ideal person to give advice concerning love. Viewing my track record, I certainly don’t appear to be an authority in the love department. But I know what I’ve lived through, the mistakes that were made, and the lessons I’ve learned. I put pieces together. I know what I feel. And I know what I desire. Maybe these don’t make me an expert, but I do speak from my heart.

Love is appreciation. Love is gratitude. Love is compassion. Love is forgiving. Love is trustworthy. Love is kindness. Love is empathy. Love is passionate. Love is selfless. Love is beautiful. These things I do know.

Thank you for being here. ♥️

Andi

Photos: top: a scarred heart on the inside wall of a covered bridge (I did not outline); bottom: black & white love (from my skunk collection)

I wrote this late last year. Of course, I added a little more to it this morning. It is my hope that you will discover beauty in places that you’ve overlooked or never considered. It’s well worth your time. Grab a cup of coffee and let’s get off the road for a bit.

December 29, 2019

Today I did some thinking as I drove around south central Indiana. Actually, I started this particular thought on my hike up Sargent Mountain in Maine a couple of months ago.

I was fortunate to have a view of the mountain range in Acadia from my bedroom window at Greg and Karen’s place in Trenton, ME. It is a beautiful view. The mountains appear to be linked together and are dark against the horizon. Anyone can drive by the mountains and admire their beauty from the road. From there, the mountains appear green most of the year, but in autumn, intense colors of yellows, red, and orange spread through them like wildfire. That is a sight you do not want to miss. But the magic is found off the road and inside the canopy of trees. There, as Karen and I hiked up to the top of Sargent Mountain, everything became just that…magical. There were numerous little waterfalls. Century old bridges. Beautiful trees. Rock formations. Root-ridden pathways. Wonderful woodsy smells. Leaves. Rocks. Pine cones. So many treasures. It’s no wonder it took us so long to forage to the top. I was busy exploring and taking pictures and breathing the air…and living. Had I viewed the mountain from the road only, I would have missed the best secrets of the mountain. My advice: Get off the road.

Today, I drove to Nashville with two of my daughters. I could have just stayed on main highways as I drove to and from Nashville, but I decided, at the last minute, to get off main roads and drive to Lake Lemon. We saw lovely log cabins and other beautiful homes, barns, and hills and ponds along the way. Even on a dreary day in December there was beauty all around. Lake Lemon did not disappoint either. The lake is hidden from the main roadways. If I hadn’t seen the road signs that pointed in its direction, and gotten off the main roads, I’d have missed Lake Lemon and it’s beautiful views. My advice: Get off the road.

You might also consider attempting new and challenging, creative projects. Something different from your typical norm. Maybe even start mapping out those plans to make a dream a reality. Just get off the road you are on. I’m not suggesting that you get off the moral path, the godly path, but off that main road you are traveling. The one that is symbolic of your life. The one that you find to be safe, comfortable, and familiar. Widen your world. Explore new territory.

Find the magic outside of the lines drawn on the road. There is an amazing world just waiting to explored.

Thanks for stopping by to visit me. You are welcome to invite others to visit as well. Just tell them I’m off the main road. 😊

Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

I started writing a blog about love yesterday. I wanted to finish it this morning so I could post today, but the message below popped up in my memories on FaceBook this morning, and it fits well with my current thoughts. I will continue to work on the other blog and will post soon. I am sure that love will be a continuing topic for me as it’s pretty important in life.

April 23, 2013.

Today.
I need to write about today.

While working in the design room of the flower shop, I did a lot of reflecting. I guess I’m feeling a great sense of loss, or maybe I should say a sense of great loss. Without getting into my personal life, I will share what I saw today. I was deeply touched on a couple of levels.

Working in a flower shop, I see funeral work being done almost on a daily basis. Even in our little town, death is no stranger. There are deliveries that need to be made to funeral homes with all the completed floral arrangements and gifts. This is all in a day’s work.

But today I saw the people. The people on the other side of the flowers. Sometimes we forget the purpose of our work. Today I saw love at its most purest moment and it nearly brought me to my knees. It definitely brought tears to my eyes and a great sadness to my heart.

A family came to the shop to see the finished casket spray for their wife and mother. It was a most beautiful spray. The last person to enter the room was an elderly man. Upon entering, he took a glance, covered his face, and began sobbing to the point where he left the room.

To most of us, these were just flowers, but to him they were so much more than that. These flowers are a symbol of his deepest love…and of his greatest loss. A lifetime of love with this one woman whom he married all those years ago. I am sure that in those 30 seconds, their 60+ years together flooded his mind and soul. I can only image the heartache he has been enduring since her passing.

As I reflect on this event, I realize a couple of things.

1) We should never take for granted the things we do. Almost everything is about someone else. And for a purpose. Bag those groceries for each customer as if that person was someone very special to you. Work on that car diligently and honestly as if your loved ones would be traveling in it. Doctor that person with compassion as if they were a family member. And design that casket spray with all your heart as if your loved one would be lying beneath it.

2) Marriage. If you find true love (and your best friend), marry him or her. Some of you will have the joy of being married for those precious 60+ years, and some of you may only make it to ten or twenty. And some of us will never have that opportunity. But if you should find that precious missing-piece-of-you, strive for 60+ years even if you marry late in life. Live each moment to the fullest. Fill your heart and your home with love.

Marry the love of your life. Young people…be choosy about who you give your heart to. Don’t just settle simply because you can’t see past today. Never marry a person if there is the slightest bit of doubt…and while you date, be observant of red flags and deal with them, or leave. Never, ever take red flags into a marriage.

3) And finally….LOVE. The deepest and most coveted of all emotions. It can send you to Saturn and back, but it can also cut through your heart like a knife. Protect love. Know the difference between true love and infatuation. If your love is the real deal then cherish it. Nurture it. Respect and honor it. Do everything that is good and in your power to keep it. You may never get another chance to live with the love of your life. And life is short.

Thank you for reading this message today. I hope that you have the same love in your life as that man had in his.

Coffee is on. I will joyfully share a cup with you on this rainy day.

Be grateful. ♥️

Andi

Photos: top: a garden rose from Mattea middle: beautiful Jamaican sunset, 2016 bottom: flowers from a bouquet I put together

I want to write more now than ever. It’s not that I have more time on my hands because I actually have a great many projects that I should be doing at home during this downtime. But ideas and topics for blogs keep popping up in my head. Maybe because I have been going through boxes of things that have been stored away. But honestly, I don’t think I could possibly run out of topics to write about. Once in a great while, I hit a writer’s block (which is the oddest feeling ever), but I just give it a minute. It comes back with vengeance and then I can’t keep up.

I believe this surging urge to write is related to Covid19 and the sheltering-in-place. It’s pretty quiet at home and I’m here a lot more. I still work as my job is essential. But I come home and stay home. There is a dramatic increase in readers of my blog because more people are at home now. And this excites me. I have a captive audience. (Insert laugh track) Not that I am a first class writer, but it is my hope that these simple blogs encourage, inspire, and entertain you enough to keep you coming back. Maybe I am “The Covid Writer” today. Hopefully, I’ll become “The Post-Covid Writer”, because you will still want to come back. Hopefully.

These blogs do have a significant purpose. I write for my children and grandchildren. I started writing my life story over a year ago. I wanted it in book form to pass onto them. I sorta put it away for now but I intend to work on it again. When I get to certain places of my life one memory leads to another and another until I am so overwhelmed at what to write, and what is not so important, that I have to walk away from it for awhile. I just want to write it all and I can’t possibly. I don’t want memories to be lost forever when I pass. Not that my life is more special than anyone else’s. It’s just that it’s my life and a part of their history. I guess I should have started writing my book when I first learned to write my name. These blogs though are bits and pieces of my life, and of my deepest thoughts. Most definitely, it is my heart.

Thank you for stopping by today. The coffee is done perking so I need to grab a cup and reflect a little on this day before getting started. A late start. It is my day off and there’s so much to do in my yard and in the basement….blah blah blah. But between you and me…I’d rather spend the day writing.

Enjoy your day, wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Hopefully, the sun is shining as it is here this morning. Get some fresh air. Be grateful for this day and the many blessings in it.

Pour yourself cup. There’s plenty. ♥️

Andi

I find sentimental value in many things. Maybe more than I should. I don’t know…I’m just kinda mushy that way.

I have a hard time getting rid of things that bring back a good or loving memory. I have a few toys from when I was a little girl, school papers, gifts from my kids, gifts from friends, precious things of my mom’s (including her wedding dress) and a variety of keepsakes that belonged to my sweet Chelle. I have a skunk collection that I still add to whenever I can. A few meaningful Willow Tree figurines. A very small Pooh Bear collection. Certain clothes bring back good memories. Books. Sand and shells from Florida and Michigan. Pine cones, bark, and rocks from Maine. More rocks. Log cabin magazines. Baby things that belonged to my children. DVDs. Snowmen. A few Christmas decorations. Just so many treasures. It is going to be difficult to go through these things but it’s time for me to downsize. I’m not looking forward to that task.

I have sentimental attachments to certain scents too. For example, one of the best smells EVER is a breakfast of bacon and eggs cooking over a campfire. That brings back wonderful memories of camping with my family. Then there is the scent of peonies. The bushes lined the driveway of my great uncle’s house in Minnesota. There were so many pink peonies that the whole yard smelled wonderful. My son, Nathan, once planted a lilac bush outside my bedroom window so I could smell the fragrance in my room when the wind blew. I loved it.

My mom wore certain perfumes like Charlie, Jovan Musk Oil, and Wind Song. Those will always remind me of her. My dad smelled good too when wearing Old Spice. Certain foods, laundry products, soaps, and the smell of leather make me happy. There are many scents associated with such wonderful memories.

Music has always been a very important part of my life. I have my father to thank for that. Waking up at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning to the Beatles Abbey Road or Pinball Wizard by The Who was not welcomed then but very appreciated now. My mother loved Johnny Mathis, The Brothers Four, and many others who sang on her Christmas albums.

John Denver was instrumental in helping me to discover my love of writing. America filled my teenaged mind with dreams of wild adventures and romance. The Steve Miller Band was a favorite and The Eagles were the best. These musicians were the just first of many more to come that helped to shape my life. I love and appreciate a variety of music now. Andrea Bocelli, Keane, Coldplay, Kevin Sharp, Jack Johnson, MercyMe, Casting Crowns, Daughtry, Mink DeVille, and so many others. Can’t go wrong with the music of the 70’s and 80’s, country (except for some of the new stuff), oldies, classical, and mountain music. I think the only music I prefer not to listen to is rap and opera. Music will always be important to me.

I also have attachments to special people. And believe me, I do get attached. You know when you first meet someone and you feel a peace wash over you? I love that. And it usually holds true that the relationship will last. I think it has something to do with their eyes. A window to their soul perhaps? I believe so. Hang onto those special people. Then there are those I’ve met where I knew immediately that we could never be best friends. Maybe not even friends at all. And that has been proven to be correct over and over in my life. I may have learned that the hard way a few times. Going against my first impression/ instinct hasn’t worked in my favor.

Is it wrong to have sentimental attachments? I don’t think so. It’s all a part of who we are. I say embrace them. Reflect on them periodically. Don’t live in the past but be grateful for the good memory. It’s a gift.

Thank you for coming back so soon. I have so much to say and the desire to write is strong. I wish I could write all day…but then I’d go hungry.

Be grateful for sentimental attachments. They are a blessing. Embrace the people and memories they are attached to. ♥️

Andi

The human spirit is resilient. It is stronger than steel, yet more fragile than a rose petal. It strives to live, to pursue, to overcome, to heal, to give, to forgive, and to love.

Throughout my life, and yours too, we’ve seen the face of the human spirit on many people and in an array of circumstance.

We’ve witnessed national disasters and have seen both the strengths and weaknesses of the spirit when lives are lost, property destroyed, as first responders respond, and survivors prevail.

Soldiers in combat witness things that can never be erased from their minds and then come home to live a “normal” life amidst the nightmares and scars. Many succeed. Too many do not.

Nurses, doctors, and first responders work long, hard hours fixing, mending, saving, and losing lives. They leave the trauma, pain, and sadness at the door, stepping over the threshold and into their loved ones’ arms.

There are those who do the-almost-impossible when they are in survival mode. Determination of the human spirit to stay alive or to protect another can create a super hero.

Love empowers our spirit to do amazing things, but sometimes our projected love just isn’t enough when another’s spirit is severely broken. Too often, the human spirit gives up when the soul feels utterly defeated, or when it no longer feels it has purpose, or can no longer live with emotional or physical pain. Others can love this person with all their being, but self-love and healing is just as important. That’s when specific intervention needs to take place.

The fragility of the human spirit is evident in many situations. A child who is bullied at school, or even worse, abused by the hand of a parent. A mother with children abandoned by her husband. A veteran lying on a piece of cardboard in an alleyway. Adult bullying. A broken heart. A man being denied parental rights because our laws are often twisted. The tragic death of a loved one. Divorce. Suicide.

But the human spirit is resilient. It turns on and off with each circumstance. It shifts gears when we need it to. It gives us fight. It fills us with compassion. It truly doesn’t want us to give up or give in. The human spirit wants to live.

Our mindset, and of those around us, can strengthen or deflate our spirit. Feed it positivity. Fight addictions. Strengthen relationships. Seek help when needed. Love one another and build each other up. Love is the strongest force in anything on this earth. It comes from above; therefore, it is perfect. Love can mend what missiles cannot. Love empowers the human spirit. When you observe someone with a broken spirit, a kind word can do amazing things to lift them. Helping others will strengthen your spirit as well.

It’s easy to get lost in life today. We move too quickly and are way too busy. But hopefully, we will learn from our sheltering-in-place that we need to slow down. Relationships are the most important in life. Be ever so observant of the condition of your spirit and of the spirits closest to you. Feed their spirits love. Be mindful of the things that weaken the spirit. Fix what you can. Get help when you need it.

Thank you for sharing a cup of coffee with me. I am so glad you stopped by.

Have a wonderful day. And be grateful. ♥️

Andi

While last Sunday was Easter, we should view every Sunday as a day set aside to remember that Christ died for us and rose from the dead. A day of thanksgiving and of renewal. A perfect start to each new week.

Philippians 4:4-7

4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. 5 Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians is one of my favorite books of the Bible. I think these verses above are perfect for this Sunday and this tough time we are going through. Give your worries and concerns to God.

“Do not be anxious about anything…” That’s a tough one for me as I like to hang onto everything. It’s like I’m telling God, “Here, I’ll hold this for You.” It should be the other way around. I’m not doing Him any favors by holding onto all that causes me grief and anxiety. This week, I will work on this specifically. Give it to the Lord.

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding…” I remember living in that peace a long time ago. It was amazing. But I let life get in the way and I struggle now to find peace. I will work on that as well. I believe when I surrender all to Him, I won’t have to find that peace. It will find me.

Thank you for sharing your Sunday with me. Give your worries to God. Let His strength be your strength, and may His peace give you comfort. Rejoice in this day!

And always be grateful in everything. In good times and in bad. Just be grateful. ♥️

It’s coffee time!

Andi

September 16, 2013

In the night, as I sit alone in my room, I think of many things. Not that I can solve the world’s problems because I cannot even solve my own. But I am a thinker. It’s what I do.

Tonight my thoughts are a tangled web of “what if”, “why”, “I’m scared”, “I hurt”, “I want more”, “I need more”, “I feel caged”, and “I can’t breathe”. Anxiety, at its best.

And as I sit here on my bed, I find myself both paralyzed and restless. Unsettled, in every sense of the word. And then…just as the nighttime chill from my open window brushes against my skin, words from an old, musty poetry book whisper to my soul. It is at this moment, a peace settles over me. I realize that not only am I a thinker (and a fidgety one at that). I am a dreamer. I am a wanderer. I am a searcher. And I am not alone.

A few years ago, I read a poem written by the late James Kavanaugh. That poem led me to read another of his poems, and then another, until I quickly realized what an amazing writer this man was, and while I don’t agree with all his thoughts, he became my favorite poet. He was a searcher, as am I.

“Some people do not have to search – they find their niche early in life and rest there, seemingly contented and resigned. They do not seem to ask much of life, sometimes they do not seem to take it seriously. At times I envy them, but usually I do not understand them – seldom do they understand me. I am one of the searchers.” ~James Kavanaugh (an excerpt from the introduction to his book, “There Are Men Too Gentle to Live Among Wolves”, 1970)

I understand, and share in his sentiment, in all 285 beautifully written words in his introduction. He spoke what is on my heart. In this blog, I will share my own heartfelt thoughts, personal interpretation, and examine a little further into who I am as a searcher. I believe, to most, I am a complex being. Maybe even troublesome. Considering that I am also a Gemini, that may very well be true. To me, I am simple, but I will compromise and say, I’m simply complex.

I find myself drawn to the beauty of nature. I am overwhelmed at the variety of life found in the depths of a forest, captivated by the ever-changing personality of the Great Lakes, and am mesmerized by the movement of an ocean. I’m in awe of the view from a mountaintop, intrigued by the connection of every living creature to each other, gracious of the purposeful design of life, and renewed with every sunrise. Having a strong desire to wander this earth, often off the beaten path, in search of things not seen before.

Searchers…

We are happy with the simple things in life. But to others, we are complex. Maybe because we appear to be unsettled. And, well, maybe we are to a certain extent. Many may not understand the way in which we dream, as they are often content with their own lives of defining rules, expectations, and boundaries. And that’s perfectly okay. It’s a place of safety and surety. We, on the other hand, are restless souls. What is out there for us to capture, feel, and explore? Searchers seek to fill a void and, of course, find answers to their many questions concerning life.

We are explorers and adventurers, romantics and skeptics. Always searching for answers, and rhymes to our reasons. Struggling with answers that are not clearly defined. Looking for alternative ways to present the same question, in order to find an answer that seems the closest to truth, because we desperately desire truth.

We enjoy the mysteries of life but not so much in relationships. We desire to be deeply loved. We long for a love that appreciates the wanderer in us. One that embraces our uniqueness, is intrigued by our ability to love, respectful of our busy minds and of our curious nature. A love that appreciates humor and laughter. One that doesn’t stifle or criticize dreams and bucket lists. Or that creates unreasonable boundaries to confine our spirit. But a love that appreciates a good adventure as well…even if only in a dream.

Maybe we are an odd sort as we can find a kind of peace in being sad at times, and comfort in being alone, because we feel these are as important as any other aspect of the human spirit.

We feel deeply, and hurt easily. We wear our heart on our sleeve. Forgiveness typically comes easy for us and we have a tendency to forget. To our own detriment, we often share too much, and other times, we share too little. Our timing is off much of the time. We may appear wishy-washy but it’s just that our minds never stop. Sometimes we cannot keep up with our own thoughts.

We dream big, but have a tendency to live small, as we haven’t quite figured out details. But still, we can be quite content sitting among the dandelions in our own yard, admiring a busy bee. We love hard, and we fall hard too. Regardless, I wouldn’t want it any other way. To feel so deeply, even when it hurts, only means we are truly alive.

Searchers look at life as an adventure. Regardless of who you are, we all write our own adventure. Life is an incredibly short journey, and there is much to do and explore. And to love. Looking back, I see a captive mind, a restless soul, who didn’t grasp the swiftness, or vastness, of life. Therefore, I didn’t use my time and energy as wisely as I could have/ should have. Here I am now in my late fifties, with the energetic mindset of an 18 year old, and a body that is no longer on the same page. Oh, I haven’t given up. I will never give up nor will I stop dreaming. But realistically, many of the things I’ve searched for, longed for, and wondered about, might just have to remain in the confines of my mind.

I will continue though, to cherish the searcher in me. The wanderer and the dreamer. For this is who I am and it keeps me happy and youngish. It’s not easy living with a wild mind that rarely sleeps. Actually, it is quite the contrary. Be grateful for who YOU are. You don’t need to be a searcher to live to YOUR life to its fullest. The diversity of people makes our world amazing.

Strive to be better than you were yesterday. Kinder, more loving, and forgiving. And always be grateful. ♥️

As always, thank you for your kindness in reading my blog. Coffee is perfect on this sunny, but chilly day.

Andi

I avoid FaceBook per se but I do venture there to visit my memories. I find treasures in some of the notes I’ve written years ago such as this one. Today, I expanded on the earlier version.

In the stillness of my room, I lie on my bed, thinking…listening to Andrea Bocelli playing softly in the background…and wishing I had Chelle to talk to…like we have done a million times since high school. Then two more beautiful women come to mind. And I realize just how lonely I am. Words cannot express how much I miss them. How much I need to talk to them. These wonderful women not only touched my life but the lives of my children. And they are greatly missed. Within the span of one year, I lost all three.

My beautiful mother passed on August 9, 2015. In 1982, my parents and siblings moved from Indiana to North Carolina. We never lived near each other again. The phone was our lifeline. Mom and I used it often as we were very close. I regret the time spent apart and the memories that were never made. I do cherish the visits between here and there. And our precious talks. My mom was sweet and very kind. Even as an adult she was still protective of me. And I loved that about her. She was 74 when she passed. Too young in my opinion, but she was so very tired. She left peacefully. And I needed to let her go.

The second beautiful woman is Nancy. She was an older woman who lived next door to us. She was 74 years old too when she passed away on April 11, 2016. Nancy was a seamstress, and a talker. She mended and altered many articles of clothing for my family. She had a bazillion zucchini recipes. And she loved to talk. We had many discussions in her living room, her sewing room, and on the phone. When she called, I knew I’d be on the phone forever. Before we moved away, my youngest daughter and I would go over very early in the morning and have coffee with her on her front porch. She always listened and gave good advice. I really really miss our talks.

The third most beautiful woman is Chelle. She passed away at the young age of 54, on November 1, 2016. I tell people that she was the best part of me. And she was. She kept me grounded without even realizing it. I can’t fully explain our relationship. It was exceptional. It was unconditional. She gave me more love than I ever deserved. She was giving, gracious, and grateful. I remember Chelle telling me that when she was a little girl, many years before I ever met her, she would run around her yard singing, “Andrea, Andrea”. It was her favorite name at the time. And then this new girl shows up in high school with the name of Andrea. And that was me…

(I’ll have to share more about her another time.💔)

I visited her lovely daughter, Amanda, last June, along with her husband whom she left too soon. Amanda is taking very good care of the things that meant so much to her mom. Especially the memorial garden that was designed when Chelle lost her son, Amanda’s brother, several years prior to her passing. Now it’s a memorial garden for the two of them. As I sat in the garden, I wrote this poem:

In the Garden (With My Chelle)

I am visiting the garden with my friend,
And although on the bench I sit alone,
Her spirit is ever present,
As she moves thru the rustling trees,
Her scent is in every bloom,
She sings to me in birdsong,
And with the touch of a butterfly’s wing,
She kisses me.

And the tears fall like rain….

Memories begin to flood my soul…
The dock that once was so big,
when not very long ago,
our wee ones sat with little legs draped over the edge, now seems so small
And the motorcycle track that was once filled with energy, is silent now,
The unbearable loss of a child,
…and now my best friend.

I wish with all my heart that this wasn’t so,
That I will turn around and she will be standing here, along with her precious son,
But it’s just not to be.

As I sit and watch bubbles surface on the pond,
I hear the soothing hum of a bumble bee,
“Don’t be sad”, she says. “Embrace the love that was and still exists in your heart.”

All I can say is…I will try. ♥️

Maybe the quarantine has caused me to reflect on things that are most important in life. I believe those would be God and our relationships. What else is there really? Money, processions, cars, property….what is worth more than laughter with a friend, the love of your spouse, hugs from your children, smiles from a stranger, and blessings from God? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I hope that you use this quiet time to reflect on the most important things in your life. It’s about putting things in perspective. Cherish the time with those you love. Don’t forget to say “I love you”. And say it often. You never know what a day will bring, or the next phone call.

Hold fast to all that makes your life remarkable.

Be loving. Be kind. And be forever grateful for what is…and what was. ♥️

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope you found something meaningful in it. Life is short.

Andi

If you are like me, you might be struggling by now with this new, temporary approach to life. I certainly am. And the struggle is very real in every aspect of my life. I feel like a dart board. So, I am writing this to myself, and sharing with you. Maybe you can relate.

I am weary of the trials that have been presenting themselves to me on a daily basis. Or so it seems, as the days tend to run together. Work in long-term health care is constantly changing. Finances are an issue. Expensive maintenance of my property needs to be addressed, sooner than later. Life outside of home is strange. Even on the inside things are odd. I am lonely. Somewhat sad. And personal conflict has hurt my heart.

But…

Today is another new day. A day to get my head on straight. A day to praise God for all He has given me. God never said our lives would be easy or pain-free. He said He’d be our strength through the trials. Today, I will focus on the One who is a constant amidst change. The only constant we truly have.

So I need to change my focus from pain to gain. We can only gain when God is our center and not our own self.

Psalm 34:18 ESV
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

Romans 8:28 ESV
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Philippians 4:13 ESV
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

With all this being said, it’s an effort to get dressed every morning, but I still do. And I continue to make my bed. But I will work harder to look to God for comfort, strength, and guidance because He is more important than a made bed.

God is our constant amidst change.

Smile today. Love one another and be kind. Pray continually for strength and guidance. Change your focus from pain to gain. And always, always be grateful.

Thanks for stopping by. ♥️

Andi

Buzzards and clowns. You read my silly clown stories. Now I have three buzzard stories for your entertainment on this 913th day of quarantine. Or, whatever day it is. I have no idea.

My first buzzard story took place as I was driving down the road toward Bell Union. An animal had been hit on the road and a few buzzards were enjoying lunch. As I got closer they all flew off except for one greedy bird who waited until the last minute. Last minute didn’t give him enough time to get his bearings straight and he flew right into the corner of my windshield on the driver’s side. Scared me! He was so big. Luckily, there wasn’t any damage to my car, but I’m positive that he didn’t fair as well because it was a hard hit for him. I’m pretty sure his friends enjoyed him later. Ahhh…the circle of life.

This second story took place when my youngest was less than a year old. She is eighteen now.

Once upon a time we lived in the woods, way out in the country, and we had a long, hilly driveway. Once you turned into the driveway from the road, you would proceed down the hill and then up a larger one to the circle drive up by the house. It was a great hill for sledding on snowy, winter days but that’s another blog. On this particular summer day though, I picked up my little one and headed out to get the mail. I carried her down the big hill and then up past the orchard to the road. We got the mail and headed back down the hill. We got to the bottom of the hill when…snap!! I rolled my ankle in a deep rut in the gravel and down we both went. I held Mattea close and somehow she didn’t hit the ground. My ankle felt bad. I heard it snap. I got Mattea to sit on the driveway as I laid there on my back. I couldn’t move. She was all giggly thinking this was great fun that mommy was on the ground with her. I didn’t share in her joy as I was almost sick to my stomach from the pain. And I certainly didn’t want to look at my ankle. So I didn’t move. No one would have been able to hear me yell as they were in the house and a distance from where we were. I remember thinking that one of my sons would be coming home after 1:00 and it was just a little after noon when I went to get the mail. I thought I could just lie there until he came home. Mattea patted me and played with rocks until one of cats found us. Then she played with the cat. While lying on my back, staring at the intense blue sky above, I wondered if I broke my ankle and if I could walk. Then I noticed in the clearing above and between the trees, directly over us, a buzzard began circling.

Not sure how long I laid there but it was for a period of time and that bird didn’t leave. I continued to watch him circling. I remember half mumbling, “I’m not dead yet!” And then I wondered if he might be eyeing my baby girl. Or the cat. But I thought they only ate dead things so I figured he was just waiting for me to die. I noticed the intense throbbing in my ankle had started to subside some and I decided to try to stand. It hurt a great deal but I was able to pick up my little girl, and the mail, and I hobbled up the hill to the house. That bird followed us the whole way just waiting for me to drop. Not today, buddy. Not today. Once inside the house, I nursed my badly sprained ankle.

My last buzzard story happened a few years ago when I was a runner. This is a slightly edited version of what I wrote that day.

I went for a run at the nature park tonight. I ran around the ridge of the gravel pit, then went down to the bottom–which is quite comparable to a desert, especially on this very warm evening. It was even warmer down there. Hot, actually. If you have an overly active imagination like mine, you might think the terrain resembles the surface of a mostly barren planet. It is basically one color (tan) with scattered rocks, crevices, water holes, and a few shrubbery.

As I was running, I happened to notice three buzzards circling overhead, and by the time I passed the halfway mark, I counted 16 buzzards circling me with another fast approaching from the west. Then out of nowhere, an 18th buzzard swooped down low from the ridge of the canyon. This was odd feeling knowing that 18 buzzards were watching…and waiting.

Have you ever seen a buzzard up close? It’s big and ugly, with a red head, and a strong beak designed for shredding flesh.

Random thoughts began to fill my head. Am I limping, wounded, or bleeding and I don’t realize it? Did I step in something, um…nasty? Is some wild animal chasing me that I am unaware of? Do I smell delicious? (Buzzards have a great smeller and I am nearing the end of a long, hot, sweaty run.) Am I so large that 18 buzzards think they can all feed on me? How rude! Whatever it was about me that attracted them, I feel pretty certain they were planning a barbie in the desert tonight. But, thankfully, rule #1 in the buzzard world: “No Partaking of Food While Food is Still Running”. So I kept running. And I kept my pepper spray handy just in case a crazed bird tried to take me down. Well, I did make it through the canyon in one piece and those birds dispersed once I came up out of the wasteland. How weird was that? I think I like the wooded trails better. Juss sayin’.

I did a little research after writing this and I learned that the turkey buzzard is actually a turkey vulture. And sometimes they do take down weak or wounded animals. Yikes. It’s head is featherless. Do you know why? So the feathers don’t get all gunked up when it sticks it’s head inside of a carcass. Gross. They serve a purpose though, by cleaning up dead things, therefore, stopping the spread of disease in animals and people. Everything does have a purpose. Even turkey buzzards. I’m just glad I didn’t stop to tie my shoe or rest on one of those Martian rocks.

Those are my buzzard stories. Hopefully, they entertained you for a few minutes anyway. Thank you for reading my stuff. I really really enjoy writing and if only one person enjoys what I write, well…that’s just awesome to me. Thank you.

Enjoy the coffee! ♥️

Andi

Some photos I used in this blog are royalty free from http://www.istockphoto.com.

Today is Easter Sunday. He has risen. Today is a day of remembrance, of renewal, and of a new beginning. Since Easter arrives during our spring season, we can relate to the awakening of the earth. Robin eggs, daffodils, green lawns, and budding trees, all remind us that the earth is very much alive.

Easter should be an awakening of our soul and spiritual life, as well. And every Sunday, since that glorious day when Christ overcame death, should be set aside as a constant reminder that Jesus died for us and rose from the grave…and that He is still very much alive.

Thank you for visiting me on this Easter Sunday. May you rejoice in the renewing of your spirit and find peace and comfort in the knowledge that Jesus is still with us.

Of course, the coffee is still on. It’s always on for you, my friend. ♥️

Andi

Last night’s blog was one that came to my mind quickly and needed to get out before the full moon ended. There was so much more though, that could have been said in that blog that was not, so I’ve added a part 2.

With the title being “Heavenly Connection”, you may have had other ideas of what my blog was going to be about. I talked about the heavens in reference to the moon and stars, the sky and all contained in the universe. But heaven goes so much further than that.

There is a heavenly body above us. But beyond that is the heaven referenced in the Bible. A place prepared for those who love God with an obedient heart. A love that will stand the test of time. And we have been provided a connection between us and Him. Jesus is our Mediator. He intercedes for us through prayer. Our Heavenly Connection.

As you know from past blogs, I often refer to “connecting with nature”. This is very important and necessary, because inside of nature, peace and rejuvenation can be found. I’d like to expand the thought on this just a little bit further. What is this “magic” in nature that heals our soul, fills our senses, and renews our spirit? Well, I believe it goes back to the Creator of nature. God created a perfect balance for us to live in and enjoy life on this planet. He provided all that we need in order to eat, to drink, and to build, etc. He gave us a variety of landscapes to admire and conquer. He provided vegetation for food, for building material, for beauty, and for fragrance. He gave us oceans to sail with their salty sea breezes. And He strategically placed varieties of animals and other creatures throughout the earth. He gave us all that we need for survival, but also for our emotional and mental well-being. And quite possibly, our spiritual well-being. God knew how hard life would be, so He handed us a flower. He designed nature to ground us, and it’s beauty, to give us pleasure. A welcome break from the stresses of life. And when we get close to nature, I believe we become closer to the God. I think this is why we feel peace, comfort, and rejuvenation. Another heavenly connection.

I so appreciate you reading my posts during the quarantine. The number of readers per day has gone up and that makes me happy. No worries though! I have plenty of coffee to go around. While others ravaged the toilet paper aisle, I bought coffee. ♥️

Andi

It was a rather difficult day and I came home feeling quite depleted. I shared with my son, Jet, through text, some of the happenings of this day. He returned my text, but his message was not anything about this day and it’s hardship. No, he knew that I needed something more. Something more spiritual. Something to distract from the day.

“Take a moment to step outside to look at the Pink Full Moon tonight. It marks the first day of Passover. It will give you some peace 🌝.” —Jet

So I did. My daughters and I went outside and stood in the backyard. We saw the moon in all its glory. And we were in awe.

As I watched the moon rising over the field behind our house, I started to think about how the moon connects people. No matter where you are we all see the very same moon. Sometimes even at the same time if the conditions are just right. Best friends separated by a quarantine. A trucker, miles from his family. A marine deployed across the sea. Lovers, separated by time and fate. A mother and son separated by disagreement. The moon is a constant and it is also a connection of hearts.

Charlie, my daughter, quickly found the Big Dipper. Then I thought about how the Big Dipper of tonight is exactly the same as when I was just a teenager, admiring it with my friends. How cool is that? The heavens not only connect people of today. The heavens connect all people, of all generations, even from the beginning of time. All the events of Biblical times took place under this same heavenly body. I find that intriguing.

I asked Jet if he would take a good picture of the moon for me and then I would write a blog tonight. But he saw this amazing photo taken by his friend in Costa Rica, and asked if I could post it with my blog. His friend said yes. And it really is an exceptional photo.

I guess I didn’t have a whole lot to say tonight. But I just couldn’t let a beautiful full moon slip away. Sometimes we need to reconnect with nature in order to refill our bucket. I suggest we all do that daily.

Thank you all for stopping by. I appreciate it so much! Thanks, Jet, for getting me outside tonight; for knowing and understanding. And a special thanks to Gabriel Rojas Vargas for the amazing photo.

Enjoy the moon. Embrace the connection.

And always be grateful.♥️

Andi

Please pray for all those who are exhausted tonight and who can’t be home with their loved ones because of COVID-19. The health care workers, those who are sick, and those who keep our world running while we shelter-in-place. May you all get the rest you need and the strength to continue. ♥️

Coulrophobia.
“coal-ruh-fow-bee-uh”

The fear of clowns.

Okay, so maybe I’m not a classic case of coulrophobia, but I really don’t care much for them. Yes, I’m even somewhat fearful of them. Enough so that all of my six kids inherited the “momma’s-fear-of-clowns” gene. My oldest daughter, Denae, said she fears them to a point that she would NEVER approach them in public. She will never go to a circus, and if they are in a haunted house, she will hide and maybe hit them if they get too close.” Ha! That’s my girl. But no hitting, okay? 😂

I do have some fond clown memories though. Then a couple of not so good. I think the not-so-good memories have outweighed the fond ones. Welcome to my world of clowns.

I don’t know if this was my first encounter with a clown, but it is the earliest picture I have of one. Not sure what trick was performed with that tiny gun, and although it appears he is pointing the gun at my sister and I, he is not. It’s actually off to his right. But at first glance it sends a little chill. I’m sure back in the day no one gave it a second thought. Today is such a different world. I’d like to go back, please.

My mom would make Easter clothes and Halloween costumes for me and my brother and sister. One Halloween she made this clown costume for me. She straightened wire hangers to make the hoop around my hips to make me look fat. I remember Mom and I laughing a lot at that costume. She had such a fun laugh. A fond memory.♥️

My next two memories have to do with a clown statue of my dad’s. And…my dad. As you can see in the picture below, the clown has either a darkness about him, or maybe a deep sadness. Being young, I saw darkness. As I look back now, I believe my dad saw the sadness. I had made it known that I was afraid of that clown. Maybe I should have kept that little tidbit of information to myself. One day when we were still living in Waukegan, Illinois, I was sitting on the floor in my bedroom. My back was to the door of my room, which was shut. I was content playing in the quiet of my room when I heard a tiny click behind me. I turned around and there was that clown was standing in my room between me and the closed door. I screamed! I was terrified. I cried. My dad laughed from the other side of the door. He hugged me once he saw how traumatized I was. But it didn’t stop there. From then on, it was a household joke about me and that clown.

We took that stupid clown with us when we moved to Ft. Wayne, Indiana, in the late summer of 1977. That was the beginning of my junior year in high school. That following fall, 1978, the movie “Halloween” came out, starring Jamie Lee Curtis, and I went to see it with a group of girlfriends. That movie scared us! I cannot remember who was driving that night, but I was the first drop-off after the movie. Since I was too scared to get out of the car alone…in the darkness…out in the country…in the middle of nowhere…all the girls got out with me. We huddled together, hanging onto each other, as we quickly walked to the front door. Then they ran back to the car.

Once in the entryway, I quickly made my way to the staircase that took us to our bedrooms. As I headed upstairs, I was still in a state of fear from the movie and that quick jaunt to the house with my friends. When I was about 3/4 of the way up, I heard a slight noise behind me. I turned around and there was that clown standing on the stairs, halfway up, staring at me! I screamed and fell onto the stairs. My dad came out from around the corner at the bottom of the stairs laughing his head off. I can’t say that I wasn’t both terrified and mad at the same time. I think I cried. No, I’m sure I did. But I eventually got over it and later it became a funny story to share. That was the last incident with that clown. And the last time my dad scared me. My dad, ah, gotta love him.

After that last terrifying clown incident, I put away my fear of clowns for a day and dressed as one for the Grabill Parade. Maybe it was okay since it took place in the daylight and I was the clown. I worked for a bank at that time and my coworkers and I all dressed up. It was a hot day and I remember my makeup melting. It was a lot of fun though as I passed out candy to the little kids. A good memory.

A few years ago, surprisingly, I wrote a lengthy poem (a love story) about a circus clown and a young girl who falls deeply in love with him. (Maybe I was trying to overcome my fear?) I would LOVE for a movie to be made of my story. Since it is lengthy, I should publish it as a book. Then we would see how many movie producers beg for the rights to my story. HA! I told you I am a dreamer. Believe me now?

So…maybe I am as intrigued with clowns as much as I fear them. I have very mixed feelings as you can see. Truthfully, I prefer to avoid them.

I hope you enjoyed this blog and that it made you smile. I know there are ups and downs with staying at home right now. Just enjoy this time together. Once life gets busy again, we just might want some of this quiet, family time back. There are lessons in this situation.

Thank you so very much for stopping by today. I love having you here. The coffee is always on. ♥️

Andi

Again, sending thanks to all those who are working hard and sacrificing their time, energy, and sometimes, safety to make sure our world still runs as efficiently as possible under these current circumstances. Truckers, store employees, health care workers, first responders, waste management, delivery drivers, restaurants, etc., the list goes on. Please appreciate them and their hard work. Do what you can to help. Watch out for each other. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be patient. And always be grateful. 🌸

I am currently working on several blogs but I wanted to stop those for a moment and reflect on this day…once I figured out what day it is. Losing track of time is a normal basis for me. Working sporadic days throughout the week keeps me in a constant state of confusion. (Or…maybe it is just me.) But now with this sheltering-in-place and all the changes at work, home, and in public, my mind is nothing but a confused, hot mess. I am never on the right day. Never ever ever…

So I worked yesterday and am off today. What day is it? I don’t know. When did the trash go out? How many sleeps ago was that? I don’t know. I look at my Fitbit and I see it is April 5th. What day of the week is April 5th? I don’t know. April?! When did March end? I don’t know that either. I’m guessing it was five days ago. I thought that March was never-ending but I see April is just a continuation of the craziness. A friend of mine works every other weekend. He said he was working this weekend and I asked why since he just worked last weekend. No…he corrected me. It’s been two weeks already. What?! Can you see where I’m going here? I am freakin’ lost.

Well, my phone had the answer I needed. And while I despise having to rely on it for so much, it’s better than me wandering around aimlessly day in and day out. It is what it is, especially in this current time of confusion. (But even my phone has a tendency to mess up. Maybe possibly related to falling out of my back pocket and into a public toilet. Not that a public toilet is different from a private toilet. There’s just a tad bit more “ewww” that goes with it. I had it for just a week when that happened and it hasn’t been working quite right since and, actually, is getting worse. Much of what I type comes out in alien. I don’t know alien. Just a jumbled combination of repetitive letters and spaces. Auto-correction is off too. It’s quarantine, not quarantene, like it keeps telling me is correct. So I need to double check my “reliable” source for correctness. Sometimes that comes after a posted blog. Oops.)

But after verifying my source with other sources, I did discover what day it is. And although it surely doesn’t feel like it all of my resources agree. Today is Sunday.

Sunday. The Lord’s Day. The first day of the week. A day to reflect on the One who gives our life purpose, direction, and meaning. A day set aside to appreciate all that God has given us. Even though many of us may feel pretty battered right now, blessings still abound. A day of thanksgiving for the precious hope poured out upon all the earth through His Son. This is a day of renewal. Today is Sunday.

With all the chaos running rampant today, and, of which, the end is not yet in the horizon, we still need to take care of spiritual matters. This should be a priority even during the “easy” times. We need to maintain our focus. Remember Who is in control. Do our best to be the best possible. Give what we cannot control to God, and ask for guidance with those things that are in our control. Pray. Use this day to mentally and spiritually regroup in preparation of this new week. And refill your bucket.

Thank you for stopping by on this Sunday. Always be grateful. There is nothing more beautiful than a thankful and loving heart. If it’s beautiful on the inside, it will radiate to the outside. ♥️

This morning I have had two large cups of espresso coffee. (Let’s see how many blogs I can crank out today.) There is plenty for you too. Sorry, I do not have decaf. 😬

Andi

My blogs will also be reminders to pray for (and help, if possible) all those who are working the front lines today. Many are tired and wore out, with no end in sight. Their faces are bruised and breaking down from wearing masks. Their ears are breaking down as well. They run out of supplies and PPE, yet they try hard to make do. Meanwhile, the people keep coming. But they, the health care workers and first responders, continue to show up for their shifts and then take on even more. They are scared. They miss their families and don’t want to bring anything harmful home to their loved ones. Their minds are on focused on keeping themselves virus-free, which is a job in itself. So please pray for them. Thanks to all those working behind the scenes too. For example, many women, men, and children are making homemade masks while in quarantine. It is wonderful to see people coming together to fill a need. Find ways to ease the burden of another. Thanks for all you do. ♥️

I stood in my driveway late tonight after taking the trash out to the street. The quarantine has brought with it the peaceful element of quiet. The only sound I could hear was the train as it rushed through our sleepy little town. No cars. No trucks, sirens, or planes. No dogs barking in the distance. Only quietness.

I could smell the remnant of a bonfire from somewhere in the neighborhood, mixed with the misty scents of grass, dirt, and trees. The cool breeze played with my hair, kissed my cheek, and filled my soul with hope, as spring is the season of hope and renewal and promise.

The sky was fairly bright and I could see a few stars far above the thin, wispy clouds, floating aimlessly, without care or direction. The moonlight cast dark shadows of leafless trees across my driveway. And I stood there, taking it all in, not wanting to move, and wishing that time would stand still just this once. No hurry to get inside. No alarm set to wake me for work in the morning. No where to go. No reason to leave. This was a moment to cherish. I was filled with such gratitude. And I needed to share this moment with a friend. So I did.

There’s much to be said about the quietness of a spring moonlit night during a quarantine. Look for the good in the bad no matter how small it may appear. Goodness is never trivial. Treasure what you find as it is a gift for your soul and strength to your spirit. We need those little gifts.

Pray for those who need to be strong this hour. There are so many. Goodnight to all.

Andi

Many of the hardships we experience are directly related to the choices and decisions we’ve made. Some are not. Like today and all the craziness in this world. Many are being knocked down of no fault of their own. This can be most difficult, frustrating, and humiliating. Find peace in knowing that this is just temporary. Search for all the resources available to you. Reach out to friends and neighbors. Now is not the time to be shy. Don’t go without. There are so many willing to help. And please, do find the time to enjoy and appreciate what is in front of you. The simple things. We have the time now to see with our heart and that is most important. But should you be knocked down, I encourage you not to give up, but….

Get….up.

My topic for today is about NOT giving up. I’m asking you not to give in to a bad day, or circumstance, or because of the meanness of another person. Believe me, I know how hard it is. I allowed my days to be ruled by an ugly situation and/ or the unkindness of another. I allowed people to steal time from me because I took to heart their cruel words, and that became my focus. I was an easy target to crush and some took advantage of that. My spirit was weakened and I felt worthless. I’ve had much to overcome and moments where I just didn’t think I could do another day. But I did. I hope with all my heart that I didn’t make others hurt the way I’ve been hurt. But maybe I did. And if so, I hope they were able, like me, to….

Get….back….up.

(And forgive.)

We all make mistakes. We make bad choices and super bad decisions. But we only fail when we do not learn from these experiences. Even if we honestly try to be that better person, we can still get knocked on our butt. What makes all the difference in the world, between failing and succeeding, is whether we get up or not.

I….intend….to….get….up.

I am human. I am a sinner. I will fail you from time to time as your friend, your coworker, as your daughter, your sister, your aunt, or your mom. Don’t give up on me. Especially when you see me falling down for the same reason, over and over again. I know that’s hard to witness. Just know that I am honestly trying.

I….will….get….up….again.

I am my own worst critic. No one can run me down, belittle me, chastise me, or do more emotional damage to me than I can do to myself. And believe me, I do. Even so….

I….get….up.

Though I may have let you down in the past (or may sometime in the future) never doubt my intention, or my love. The ability to love is both amazing and a blessing. To love is a gift from above. I am so thankful that I can love, and do so with great passion. But most importantly, I am grateful that I am loved by others, and because of that love….

I….will….continue….to….get….up.

Please do not let the events of today ruin your tomorrow. It’s okay to feel the emotion. It’s okay to cry. But be strengthened. Know that we are all experiencing difficulties today and that you are not alone. Above all, be grateful.

Thank you for being here. I appreciate it more than you know. Pour yourself another cup of coffee, put your feet up, and take a deep breath. Relax. Reflect. Meditate. And then…get up. ♥️

Andi

My Animal Whisperer

I started writing a children’s book several years ago. I’m not sure where it’s going, or if it’s going. It starting heading in a direction different from what I planned so I put it away. I wanted a short, simple story for young children and it was becoming quite lengthy. Imagine that! I will revisit it another time. It is based on a lesson my second oldest son, Jesse, Jess, (or Jet, as he goes by now), taught me many years ago. I think that as children our world is pretty big. We are open to most anything. We question everything. But as we “mature” into adults, our vision becomes more narrow and focused on life at hand. We forget important things. Our own children can actually help us find our inner child again. All we have to do is listen.

Here is my Life Lesson #122.

Many years ago, our family went to a property we owned to have a picnic and explore the 80 acres of nothing-but-nature. We had an adventurous time around the creek and in the woods and fields. When it came time to have our picnic, we squashed down a spot in a tall, grassy area so we could sit on the ground. As we were eating, Jesse, who was about 14 at the time, spotted the grass moving very near to where we were sitting. Without hesitation, he went right over and picked up a black rat snake. I may have screamed. Juss sayin’. He thought it was the neatest thing ever and begged that we let him take it home. Of course, I had to say no. He was so disappointed. But I didn’t squelch his love for reptiles. He diligently studied reptile books and watched his favorite hero, Steve Irwin a.k.a. The Crocodile Hunter. He memorized the species, the family, the genus, and the kingdom of all these animals. And then he began to teach me. The more I learned, the more comfortable I became. Ignorance is not bliss. It makes you scared of things that you shouldn’t be afraid of. Turn the fear into respect and you can handle things much better. Turn ignorance into knowledge and you become wiser. It’s that easy.

So during his studies, he began to collect reptiles and I was finally okay with it. He started out small and it eventually grew into a 7’ boa constrictor. He loved going to the reptile shows and always came home with something new. At one point we had approximately 36 snakes in the house. Yes, in my house. That didn’t include the tortoises, iguana, bearded dragon, turtles, hissing cockroaches, scorpions, tarantulas, and other creatures that I know I am forgetting. Some snakes were so strong that bricks were added to the lids of the aquariums to keep them from getting out. But still we would have an occasional escape artist. Eventually, we’d find them all safe and sound and maybe even prettier with a newly shed body. We’d find the shed skin too hidden in a dark place. Once a wild-caught black rat snake, unfortunately, found his way into the furnace which is not a safe place for snake hiding.

Jess didn’t have the heart to feed live rodents to the snakes so he would mail order frozen pinkies (baby mice) and rats. One day I reached into the freezer and grabbed what I thought were chicken breasts. Nope, it was a bag of frozen rats. That’s when the animal food moved out to the freezer in the garage. I will confess that I loved to tell other moms this story so I could watch them freak out. Sorry. Not sorry.

Other things Jess did would make you gasp. I once took a picture of him lying on the floor with a tarantula sitting on his face. Another time he collected a huge amount of what I call “banana” spiders from our grassy field and put them in an aquarium. Then he’d put his arm inside the aquarium and they would crawl over him. He was what I called “The Animal Whisperer”. He has a special way with animals. It doesn’t matter what species. Just all animals.

Jess loved snapping turtles. He always seemed to have one. And not always little ones either. One day I walked into the house and saw that he and a rather large snapping turtle, ON HIS LAP, were sleeping together in the recliner. Jet has a genuine peace about him, therefore animals find peace in him. I know I’m getting off track but I’ll share one more animal story. Once we had a pregnant cow named Colleen. Jess was about twelve at the time. He would come into the house and give me updates on when she would calve. A couple of weeks, a week, a few days…he kept a close eye on her. Without any training, he just knew. Then one day he came in to share the good news of the birth of the new calf only to explain further that he had to help her by reaching inside, turning the calf, and then pulling it because it was stuck. What?! Yes, he did. Twelve years old. My Animal Whisperer.

Back to the reptiles…

As a homeschooling family, my son’s fame for having all these snakes and critters, spread through the homeschooling community rather quickly. While he got all the ooooo’s and ahhhh’s from his peers, I got all the “how’s?” and the “whys?” and “are you crazy?” from the moms. One day, he thought it would be cool to have his own little reptile show. And so he did.

We would visit different homeschooling groups. He’d gather all his animals into plastic tubs to transport and dress in his reptile guy attire. He’d stand before all the children gathered there and teach them about each of his reptiles. Sometimes the children squirmed and let out little squeals as he pulled an animal out from one of those tubs. He’d answer their many questions and they’d listen intently to his answers. Jess was so patient with the children. As his mom, watching from the sideline, I was so proud of him. (He doesn’t know this but I would often have teary eyes. Silly me.) When he was done talking about the animal, I would take it around so the kids could see it up close and touch it if they chose to. My oldest son, Nathan, would film each event. The homeschooling kids began to call him Jungle Jet, which was pretty cool. It was a family affair of sorts and I am so glad I was a part of it. It never would have happened had I not been willing to listen and learn from him. It was a great experience for us all.

Not only did Jess teach me about snakes, other reptiles, and spiders, and…cows, he taught about the balance in nature and that everything has a purpose. That’s the lesson in my children’s book that I am writing, or not writing. Jesse didn’t realize he was teaching me such important lessons. He just shared what he loved with me and I listened. This was just his youthful view of life. Oh, I knew all about the balance of nature, and such. But Jesse made it real.

Listen to your children. Let them bring the “real” back into your life.

Here is a poem I wrote for my children’s book. The story is based on a spider.

“Every Life Has Purpose”

Every life has purpose,
Though we may not always see,
The importance of the creature,
Or why he came to be.

But truly there is a reason,
Why together this earth we share,
We give our planet balance,
For other creatures we should care.

As enormous as the elephant,
Or powerful as the grizzly bear,
The beauty of a dragonfly,
And a graceful eagle in the air.

Scary creatures roam our earth,
And pesky little rodents too,
Although there seems no need for them,
They balance our planet for me and you.

So remember when you see a spider,
He has value and he has worth,
Cause he’s a master at what he does,
And he has purpose upon our earth.

Therefore, embrace the very reason,
Why together this earth we share,
The importance of the balance, and
For other creatures we should care.

Jet is all grown up now at 35 years old. Thankfully, he has kept his youthful vision. And I still watch him from the sidelines in awe of the beautiful person he is and at the love he still holds dear for all God’s creatures. Humans included.

Was it really that long ago when he had an animal kingdom in my house? I surely do miss those days.

Thank you, my son. You make things real for me. I love you.

And thank you, my readers, for stopping by today and sharing some of your sheltering-in-place time with me. Coffee is on as always. ♥️

Andi

This year started on a very good note for me. I felt good. I started full time at work. I had dreams and goals to reach this year. Then I got really sick five weeks ago. Covid-19 showed up during my sickness and the whole world, came to a screeching halt. So the things I had planned for this year may not happen at all.

I spend a lot of time writing. Sadly, this sheltering-in-place has dampened my desire to write somewhat. Hence, the five day lapse since my last blog. I still scribble out posts on FaceBook every once in awhile. Not as frequent though since I started writing this blog earlier this year. Through my writing, I do try to help you. I want to lift up, strengthen, and teach the hard lessons I’ve learned. It’s my desire for you to dream again and set goals. I want you to look farther and deeper than how you’ve been currently. I want to be a positive feed in your life. It’s my wish to reflect, inspire, and show my gratitude for the life I have. I’ve had people tell me that the things I write have helped them in some way. I’ve also had people say I am a “such strong woman”.

Well, let me say that when I write, I write first, and foremost, to myself. Writing helps me to sort out my thoughts and put things into proper perspective. I discover a great deal about myself by writing to you, by being positive, and acknowledging there is a lesson to learn in everything. And although I may come across as being a strong woman, I am not made of steel.

I am a single woman trying to make it is this world. Starting over in my 50’s has been anything but easy. I breakdown with the same concerns as you. I have meltdowns. I have bouts of emotional eating. I suffer heartbreak. I get angry. I feel alone. I panic. I fear. I get depressed. I cry. (A lot.) I worry. I fall down. I get up. I grieve. I raise my voice. Sometimes, I even want to say bad words. I want to quit one day and fly the next. I have the same type of problems as you.

Know that I will continue to share my dreams, inspirations, and lessons with you, but I will also share my humanness through my faults and shortcomings. Please don’t think that I view humanness as a weakness. I do not. Well…not totally. But that’s another blog for another day. Just remember that I am not greater than you, nor am I less. We are on an equal plane. And I am not made of steel.

Thank you for believing in me enough to come back. I appreciate your time greatly because I know there are so many other worthwhile things or people to spend it on.

Thanks also for sharing coffee with me. Be well. Be safe. Be grateful, ♥️

Andi

Today we have many questions, concerns, confusion, and yes, some fear. Why is this happening to our community, our state, our nation, and our world? How did we get to this place? Many things we would like explained to us, because, well…we deserve answers. Don’t we?

What if you have been praying for this situation at hand, or even another, and you haven’t received your answer from God? Does that mean He didn’t listen to you? Does it mean He is incapable? What if you never get a response? (That you are aware of anyway.) Do you walk away from God and travel down your own path? Do you kiss your FAITH goodbye?

I did that. I walked away several years ago. I got mad at God and let my anger separate me from Him. I didn’t have answers. I felt only silence. But listen closely to me. He did not leave me. Ever. I walked away from Him.

As I look in the rear view mirror, I see that He’s been with me every step of the way. Granted, He did not allow my steps to be easy. I needed the path to be rough and rocky because lessons are learned when times are the hardest. I had to change my heart. And I had to depend upon FAITH in order to move forward.

FAITH that God is listening even when He appears to be silent. FAITH that His timing is best. FAITH that He still loves us even when we throw a tantrum. FAITH is knowing that He has the power to fix any issue immediately if He so chooses. And FAITH is believing…even when He doesn’t.

There is a song called “Even If” and it’s is probably my favorite right now. It describes this very thing of having FAITH even if God chooses not to respond. I know there are people who do not have FAITH and who wonder why we do. I’m not sure quite how to respond to that except that I cannot imagine a life without God. You see, the pieces of that puzzle fit together quite nicely. I’ve seen His placement of things in my life. I see how the Bible is history. Proven history found in the Holy Lands. I admire His handy work every morning in the eastern sky on my way to work. I see Him in people and situations throughout my day, and in every bit of nature. I cannot believe that everything here is by chance, that this is all there is, and there’s nothing left after death. How empty I would be if I didn’t have hope.

Faith…
I believe.
Even when He’s silent.

The Bible says to “pray without ceasing”. Let Him work things out in His own time. Be patient with the silence. Often He is working behind the scene. Our world is in a place we’ve never been before, but know that He has not left us. Focus on doing your part and strengthening your FAITH.

“Do your best and forget the rest.” – Tony Horton. Give the rest to God.

“EVEN IF”
– MercyMe

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now
Right now I’m losing bad

I’ve stood on this stage
Night after night
Reminding the broken
It’ll be alright
But right now
Oh right now I just can’t

It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You’re able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now

But God when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Give me the strength
To be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You’re able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful
You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able

I know You can
I know You’re able
And I know You can
Save through the fire
With Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow
I know the hurt
Would all go away
If You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone
It is well with my soul
It is well
It is well with my soul

Copyright:
Writers: Bart Millard, Crystal Lewis, Tim Timmons, David Garcia, Ben Glover

Thank you sharing this coffee time with me. I hope you are all well and learn something good from this most difficult time. We still have much to be grateful for. ♥️

Andi

Today is day four. Day four of of stringent policies, regulations, and restrictions in the health campus where I work. Well, actually, in every health care facility across our country. This crazy, new world of covid-19 has turned our lives upside-down and inside-out. I have no new information to share with you concerning this pandemic. I have no answers to why this has happened, or what needs to be done. I am with you in that I have lots of questions. There’s an eeriness now that runs through my veins on a daily basis. And, of course, there’s a slight fear of the unknown. But I think I can offer you suggestions on how to make this sheltering-in-place better, healthier, and more positive. Know that I write these to myself, first, and foremost, because I can lose myself easily during stressful times if I am not careful. Again…referring to the example of using the oxygen first on a turbulent flight before helping another. It’s not selfish. It’s smart. Take care of yourself first. But don’t be greedy.

I apologize that this blog is lengthy. But, hey, you are shut in. What else are you going to do? Just kidding. There is much to do actually. And that brings me to the topic of this blog. I have some ideas to help make your time at home more manageable and pleasant. First a little background about a difficult time in my life. I see now that what I went through 40+ years ago has a purpose for today. I learned a lesson.

My family lived in Waukegan, Illinois. In August of 1977, my father transferred to Ft. Wayne, Indiana. This was at the beginning of my junior year in high school. My sister was a sophomore, and my brother, a freshman. We left our tight-knit group of neighborhood friends and traveled far away only to have to start over. I’m not gonna lie. This was a difficult transition for me. Not to mention the culture shock of moving from a huge Chicago-like school with security walking the halls to a small country high school in the middle of, what I refer to as, “Amishland”.

In Waukegan, I didn’t consider that we lived in the city. I still believe it was more country than city. We lived where there were grassy fields between homes and a very long, undeveloped strip of land beneath the power lines where all the guys in the neighborhood raced their motorcycles. At night, when I was in bed, especially when the window was open, I could hear the train whistles to the west along with the peaceful, rhythmic lull as it traveled over the tracks. To the east, I heard ship horns blaring through the night on Lake Michigan. Maybe it was a fog horn. I’m not sure. Whichever it was, it was calming. But now we were moving even further out into the country and while I am a country girl at heart, the challenges of moving from our friends and from the only life we knew, was hard. And it was about to get even more challenging.

So we moved to a lovely home in the country. We bought two horses, chickens, a rooster, geese, and pigs. We had a special pig, too, named Annie. She was mom’s favorite. My mother loved the country and all of the animals. This brings to mind a funny memory. We had a tall purple martin bird house out in the yard near the clothesline. I remember my mom wearing a clothes basket over her head when she walked through the yard as those birds would dive at her. That makes me smile yet today. I think we all loved the country too.

So our summer ended. Fall quickly came and went too. Then we were hit with the Blizzard of ‘78. That was our first winter in our new home. The snow continued and life stopped. Roads were impassable. Schools and businesses were closed. My dad and I saddled up the horses and we rode through the countryside to a little mom & pop store for some groceries. I remember the struggle of the horses to get through the deep snow. But they made it. And the store was open.

But as time went on and we were trapped inside the house together, things began to deteriorate. I realize now that this is when I first started to put on weight. I really didn’t have a weight issue until then. Between the move away from friends, the new school, and now being trapped at home, I broke. I ate to heal the sadness and depression and I’ve struggled with emotional eating ever since. That situation, all those decades ago, serves a purpose today. Lessons aren’t always learned immediately.

I didn’t handle the situation in a positive, healthy way. I only ate my way further into depression. With a snow storm, you know that in a relatively short period of time, the roads will clear and school will once again be in session. But today we are dealing with an unknown. An uncertainty of when life will return to normal. Therefore, we need to be aware and take precautionary measures to prevent depression and stay healthy in mind and body.

Below is my list of suggestions to help you through this rough patch. These are things I have found to be helpful in preserving me as a “whole” person during stressful times. I hope you will find something useful in this list.

GET DRESSED. We are pretty much confined to our homes. Yes, you can still go outside or run to the store, etc. But for the most part, we have no where to go, and reality is you are going to be home more. When I dress “sloppy” day in and day out, my emotional well-being becomes sloppy. I become more depressed and sad. Keep your body clean and put those jeans on. You will feel better when you take care of yourself.

MAKE YOUR BED. This is an important task in any day. It is your first sense of accomplishment. Wash your bedding. Keep it fresh and clean. If you are able, hang them out on the line when the weather is nice.

KEEP THE KITCHEN CLEAN. When we are home more we have a tendency to eat more. Don’t let the dishes stack up. Keep food put away. Clean up all the messes. Disinfect the counter tops and stove. Clean the fridge out too while you are at it. A clean kitchen is good for the soul…according to Andi.

OPEN THE BLINDS. Let the sun shine into your home as much as possible. Sunlight is perfect at combating depression. Sunlight kills germs too. Open the windows on warm days to air out the stink. Breathe it in!

GET UP AND MOVE. Don’t sit all day like I am doing as I write this blog. Move! Learn new dances. There are tons of exercise videos online as well. Moving your joints is necessary for good brain health. Get up in-between movies and dance your way to the pantry for that next snack. Just make the movement count. Feel it. Your body (and mind) will thank you. And a bonus would be to take some of that movement outdoors. Reconnect with nature and fill that bucket that has been depleted.

MAINTAIN PERSONAL HYGIENE. Keep your body clean. Shave. Brush your teeth. Put some makeup on if that makes you feel complete. Who cares if no one will see you other than those in your home. These are needed to maintain that “whole” person. You need to be a whole person.

EAT HEALTHY. Yes, I’m sure we’ve all stocked up on some goodies to get us through this “house arrest” period. Just remember that this isn’t permanent and things will go back to normal. Do you want to return heavier and less healthy? You will regret it. When we were trapped at home during the blizzard, I ate several peanut butter and jelly sandwiches per day. That was my “go to” comfort food. But it was detrimental to my weight. Keep sugar to a minimum. It messes with your blood sugar. It adds weight. It causes brain fog and depression, and it lowers your immune system. You kinda need a strong immune system right now.

TURN OFF THE NEWS. Do I need to elaborate? No. I didn’t think so.

LISTEN TO MUSIC. Music is food for the soul. Of course, silence is good at times too. But there’s just something about music…

READ. Read the Bible. Catch up on your reading list if you have one. Reading can take you away when you cannot physically go anywhere. Give your mind a break and make that escape.

BE MINDFUL OF OTHERS. Yes, it is true. We’ve become a “me, me, me” society. This isn’t the time to be focused on oneself. We are all struggling in this chaos, in this madness. No one is exempt. Most of us will suffer financially in some way. We are separated from friends and family whom we love. We are in this together. And we need to be mindful of those who are struggling more than ourselves. They are out there. Pay attention.

HUG THOSE YOU ARE SHELTERING WITH. Hugs do amazing things for the body and soul. We need physical touch from others. God designed us this way and it is a blessing. I will continue to hug my girls. Don’t let the closeness of living so tightly together keep you from hugging your kids or your spouse. This is the time when we need it most. Everyone needs their own space, yes, but come back together with love. Rejoice if you have a significant other. I do not, and more than once this past week, I wish I had someone to come home to. I have needed to bury my face in his chest and be held as I fall apart. Contrary to what many believe, I am not strong. At least not all the time. To have support from a significant other would make this time more bearable. So be thankful if you are in a loving relationship with someone who you can pull strength from and give comfort to.

BE THE RIGHT EXAMPLE. If you have children at home, you are being watched. They are not only looking to you for security and for answers, they are paying close attention to how you react in this situation. Be positive. Keep the majority of your breakdowns away from them. Not all of them, just most of them. They still need to see that sensitive part of you with the understanding that emotions are healthy and to be embraced. But they will struggle if all they see is you falling apart or being angry. You need to teach them. There is no better opportunity than now. Others may be watching you as well. Just do your best to keep your chin up, smile, and be positive.

I could add so much more to this list, but I’ve kept you long enough today. I think these few suggestions will make a huge difference during our sheltering days if we practice them.

Thank you for including me in your day. I hope that I’ve given you things to think about and it is my hope that this time brings us closer together with our families and with our community. Be grateful. Times will probably get harder before they get better, but let’s not let it break our spirit. I’m sending to each of you best wishes for safety and good health.

As always, the coffee is on. ♥️

Andi

Our lives are an accumulation of many things. Beginning in our childhood, our parents, guardians, family, associations, peers, school, teachers, experiences, etc., all shape and mold us into who we are today. One of the most important influences of our lives though are our friends.

I have been blessed in many ways when it pertains to friendships. My first best friend was Sandy. We grew up in the same neighborhood so we went all through school together. We were best friends from kindergarten to about the seventh grade. Junior high school has a way of changing things. But that’s okay. Our worlds opened up to many new friends and experiences. Our neighborhood was fun because of all the kids that lived there and we were together all the time. Crystal didn’t go to school with Sandy and me, but we were the same age, and the three of us were pretty much inseparable. I can’t say that we never got into trouble because we all did from time to time. That’s another blog for another day. But the neighborhood kids were family to each other. We helped each other through hard times. We played together. We loved each other. And we fought with one another too. But we never left each other. Not until life separated us physically. Even so, friendships have remained.

I had the opportunity to go home last September for our 40th class reunion. Even though I hadn’t seen most of my friends for 42 years because my family moved away at the beginning of our junior year, the connections were still there. It was a most amazing experience. I thought I had “lost” everyone, but I surely did not. I did go to an earlier class reunion in June from the school where I actually graduated. It was fun reconnecting with my classmates. I was actually experiencing a low period in my life and it was great to feel a part of the group again. Reconnecting with friends brings back a youthful energy. Becoming new friends with those who were merely acquaintances in school is beyond wonderful.

As we go through the different stages of our lives, our friend circles change and we adapt. Some of our friends though stay close to us through all the stages. That is a blessing for sure. I had such a friend. Chelle and I married a year apart. We had kids together. We went through life together until her untimely passing thirty-plus years into our friendship. I feel I am a better person though, greatly due to her. She was a very positive influence in my life. I am so grateful for all that she added to me.

I cherish my old friends and I appreciate my many new friends. My friend circle has greatly increased in size this past year. Every person adds something to my life. Some more than others. Some positive, and some, not so positive. But still they shape me. And I consider them friends. It is not a requirement to agree 100% of the time. Friends help me to examine my life full circle. They strengthen me. They support me. They give me advice. And they love me. I certainly hope that I add all of these to their lives as well. Friendship is a two-way street.

I wouldn’t be who I am today without the friends I’ve had throughout my life. They taught me compassion and how to get along with others. They taught me about who I am. I have been blessed all my life with the best of the best. I wouldn’t trade a single one of them. I hope that you’ve been blessed with good friends in your life.

Thank you for reading my blog. I am enjoying a late night coffee. I hope it won’t keep me awake tonight.

Andi

Friends

There is a video circulating on social media of quarantined Italians singing to each other from their homes. Their beautiful voices flow through the night air above the empty streets and alleys. I don’t even know the perfect words to describe what is happening between the people. It’s so much more than beautiful. Serene. Comforting. Connecting. Touching. Loving. Hopeful.

I remember visiting my dad’s place in Italy where his home sits up high on the mountain next to the castle, or what is now a Catholic church. There were only bars and shutters on my bedroom window. I opened the shutters to a beautiful sunny day. I believe it was my first day there. The swallows flew up high, darting here and there. And below someone was playing music. I assume it was a record or CD, but it was just as real as if it were a live performance. The beautiful male Italian voice wafted up to my window and throughout the village below. I sat there at my window listening to a lovely voice I did not understand, while admiring the countryside of mountains dotted with homes, olive groves, and grape arbors, and the Adriatic Sea in the far distance, and I thought how I never wanted the moment to end. Ever. That is one of my most favorite memories in Italy, and in my life.

I can only imagine the many emotions you’d experience as you listen to your neighbors serenade through the night during a most trying time. I have to believe it only brings them closer together as a people. I have a soft spot in my heart for Italy. I hope we can pull something good from this to bring us closer together as a people and a nation.

Let’s keep calm. Let’s be smart. Love our neighbors and genuinely care for one another. Greed should not even be a consideration. And in all things be grateful, for God is ever-present.

I hope you enjoyed your coffee break with me today. I so appreciate you.

Wishing you well from my home to yours…wherever that may be. ♥️

Andi

There’s a saying “do what you love, love what you do”. While many probably look at this the way I did at first, I don’t necessarily believe this is only referring to a dream job that provides you with a living, although it’s great to be able to do that. I think it goes beyond than that. I believe it covers many aspects of our life.

Are you architect who designs beautiful parks and malls? Or a photographer who can capture a wondrous scene in a droplet of water? Do you write children’s stories or self-help guides? Are you a doctor who donates time, money, and materials to make sure a community is generously covered with health care? These are all wonderful talents and gifts to share with others and when they are backed with love, the results and rewards are amazing. When you are good at something, most likely, you do it with love.

What if you feel you are “just a mom”? Or maybe you’re that tired dad who works extra odd jobs after work to make sure his family has what they need? These people are not any less important than those mentioned above. No. This whole concept relies totally upon attitude. Not on what we do specifically.

DO WHAT YOU LOVE…just as that dad with those extra jobs. He is doing what he loves and that is caring for his family. So no matter if he’s cleaning out sewer lines, or mowing someone else’s yard, he’s loving his family first. Sometimes you have to look past the job to its purpose. The purpose is where you find the love.

Being a mom and caring for children is hard work and it is ever-so tiring…but hopefully, YOU LOVE WHAT YOU DO. Concentrate on doing it well. Your efforts will bless you later as your children will reflect to the world the love and time you gave to them. Look past the work involved in children rearing to see the purpose. The purpose is where you find the love. Love what you do.

When I was a young mom, I went through a phase of frustration. I was a stay-at-home mom. I homeschooled my children. I gave of myself 24/7. I wanted to know when my life was going to start. When was MY time? I was so focused on myself I didn’t see what was right there in front of me. MY LIFE. And there were several pairs of young eyes staring back at me. I finally realized that I was right where I was supposed to be and that God was blessing me with the responsibilities of raising a family. I accepted this revelation wholeheartedly, stopped fighting it, and became very satisfied with my mom status. I then began doing what I loved and I actually loved what I was doing.

Don’t just take everyday as it comes. Put a little effort into planning and being creative. Discover what it is that you love to do and dive in. It may include multiple activities and interests. It might be taking care of others or raising children. Just do it all with love. Godly love. And it will bless your life and of those in your corner of the world. Do what you love and love what you do.

Did I make you think a little deeper today? Attitude is key. Look for the purpose to find the love.

Thanks for stopping by! Today I added a little coconut milk to my coffee. Delicious! ♥️

Andi

Don’t fret what you don’t understand. Some things don’t need answers.

Even though I think I absolutely have to know answers, to my many questions, in order to make sense of my life, God has shown me otherwise. I‘ve had to learn something about patience. Quite a bit, actually. And also about letting go. I know I talk about this frequently. It has been monumental in my life. But it’s all part of the process. You see, nothing makes me more irritated than waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for someone. Waiting on God. Waiting for acknowledgement. Waiting for validation. Waiting for an apology that never comes. Waiting, waiting, waiting…So when you wait without ever getting answers, you learn patience. And then after awhile, you just start letting go. Not sure what has been the harder lesson, patience or the letting go.

Like a young child, I want to know why, why, why. But I’ve had to let numerous unanswered answers go. And many times there is pain in revisiting the question. So when I think of something painful, I have to quickly replace that thought with a more positive one. It works…most of the time.

But do you know what? Life goes on. It absolutely continues without having all the answers. Apparently, I don’t need them after all. I can only assume that you don’t need all the answers either. I am also going to assume that we are better off not knowing the answers to many of the questions we have.

So maybe it is best not to fret what we don’t understand. Understanding will find its way to you if it’s meant to be. We have to believe that.

Thank you for coming to see me today. You are just in time. The coffee is still hot!♥️

Andi

My plan is to periodically include in my blog, a series of life lessons taught to me by my kids, called “Listen to Your Kids”. The lessons taught were unintentional in manner, but have served a great purpose in my life.

I think sometimes we adults get so caught up in the swiftness and busyness of life, that we fail to recognize the tiny moments that are actually quite large and meaningful. These are the highlights in my life.

I am mom to six children. Three boys and three girls. Yes, they are all mine. I homeschooled them all and while our schooling was far from perfect, they amazingly filled in the blanks on their own. They’ve gone on to do special things with their lives. They taught me so much over the years and I will joyfully share some of these lessons with you.

Thank you for your patience as I prepare these future posts. I actually wrote my first one awhile back which I have renamed. “Listen to Your Kids, LL (Life Lesson) #402.

I am a very blessed mom (and grandma) and I cannot wait to start sharing more with you.

Thanks for being here! It means so much to me. ♥️

Andi

Being single is very difficult for me. There’s no doubt about it. It’s not my preference to be alone but it is what it is right now, and I have to be fine no matter what.

My past reflects that I’ve searched in error for happiness (and approval) from men in order to fill a certain void in my life. I thought a man could “make me happy” and fill the emptiness in my heart. So I searched in vain for this love, which has led to a mostly deeper sense of loss, loneliness, along with heartache. I’ve taken the time to think more seriously about this over the past year or so because, frankly, I’m just tired of the heartache. I had to evaluate my own thought processes which unveiled the reason behind this continual cycle of pain. Now, hopefully, I am able to break the cycle. I travelled these years without guidance in these sensitive matters of the heart, so if I can help one woman, or one man, realize the anguish in continuing on this destructive path, I would feel blessed.

Happiness has to come from within. Relying on anyone to make you happy will only disappoint as we fail each other all the time. It happens because we are not perfect. But that’s okay. Knowing that you can still be happy by yourself is a good thing. Being secure in your own happiness allows you to love more deeply and with more com(passion).

It has been a long, rough road for me to truly understand this concept. Others can bring joy “to” you, but your source of happiness has to come from within. Does this mean I don’t desire to have someone in my life? No. Because I do. I just don’t have to be unhappy while I am alone. I wish I would have understood this a long time ago as it would have alleviated a lot of heartache over the years. It is never to late to learn.

Thank you for stopping by today! Coffee is on and it is one of those things best shared with a friend. ♥️

Andi

As many of you know, I fell in love with the state of Maine. I have been there several times and I have friends who call that lovely state “home”. I am surprised around every corner and from every mountaintop at the beauty contained within its borders. The fresh air, the picturesque views along Greenville Rd. (Hwy 15) in the fall, the rocky coastline, the mountains, the lighthouses, lobster boats, rivers and streams, the wildlife….etc., all take my breath away…and I want to stay there forever. I learned so much about myself as I wandered around the state. I have told my children and friends how I would move there in a heartbeat if I could. But now realization has kicked in and that dream is no longer a dream of mine. Sadly, I may have taken my last trip there. Well…maybe I can still visit.

I did tell you that I would not be political in my blog so I am going to gently tip toe around it without stirring up already very muddy waters. But when a state chooses to blatantly disregard parental rights, I have to disagree. Our country is not a “one size fits all”. Never has been, nor will it ever be. No matter how hard our government tries to force all the pieces to fit into their so-called puzzle, we will never fit. That’s how individual we are and that’s what sets us apart from other countries and makes us strong. If it is forced, we cease to be free. We were granted rights through our Constitution. Rights to be individuals and allowed to choose what is best for our families. The family unit is the foundation of society. When there no longer remains individual families because it is replaced with government-ruled families, society will crumble. And we’ve all read about (and watched) the horrors that come with that scenerio in other countries. This is one of those situations where we should watch and learn from others (countries) so we don’t make the same mistakes.

I know that Maine is just one of many states challenging the Constitution. I know I cannot run away but I don’t have to purposely move to a place where I don’t feel I’d be welcome either. I am greatly saddened with this new revelation. It was, after all, my dream.

These are my thoughts, my opinion. Not sure if this was subtle enough or if I need to apologize for crossing a line I said I would not cross. If I wanted to be political, I would bombard you with blogs constantly. I choose not to do that. I didn’t get technical. I just felt compelled to write this because Maine was a dream of mine. And dreams are my passion.

Thank you for stopping by today. And, yes, I will have a cup of coffee with you! ♥️

Andi

This is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do, but yet, I keep trying. I finally figured out just today that chasing the wind and chasing dreams are not the same. I’m fact, they are pretty much opposite of each other.

Do you ever want something so badly but it just doesn’t want to cooperate? That’s because it’s the wind. You can chase it forever and a day and you’re not going to be a second closer to capturing it. The wind is a tease that brushes against your skin, tussles up your hair, and makes you crave more. Sometimes it carries with it the sweet, exciting aroma of an awakening earth in the springtime. Regardless of its beautiful appeal, you cannot capture the wind.

The wind simply does not want to be caught.

Dreams, on the other hand, desire to be caught and they want to be lived to the fullest.

A lot of time and energy is wasted on chasing something we will never have. Why do we still continue? Do we yet see a glimmer of hope? Realize that if you haven’t caught it by now, it’s probably the wind and nothing more. So let it go. Nothing will ever work unless both sides are in agreement. Dreams like to agree.

Letting go is hard. I know that better than anyone. That’s been the story of my life. But one must realize that “a letting go” opens up the door to other possibilities. Tangible possibilities.

So it’s up to you to decide what is truly a dream and what is simply chasing the wind. Let the wind go. Ask God for guidance and direction in your life.

Thanks for joining me today. I tell you what…this flu is kicking my butt. I will skip coffee for yet another day and drink my elderberry tea. ♥️

Andi

A couple of years ago, I shared a wonderful day with Grandpa Dick. We stopped by Friendship Gardens and sat on benches near the beautiful waterfall and fountain. We were enjoying our time together in conversation about life, and our personal struggles, and of course, we did our fair share of people watching.

All of a sudden, a young robin flew to me. It’s wing brushed my arm as it perched next to my shoulder. I was afraid to look directly at him for fear he’d peck my eyes out. But he just sat close to me. And then he began to talk. Talk, talk, talk. He scooted in a little closer, and talked some more. He was compelled to share something of great importance with me. I only wish I knew what it was. But, actually…I think I do know. ♥️ This cutie stopped talking long enough for me to take his picture. This was my Cinderella moment.

Sometimes it might only take a little, talkative bird to ground you again. Even now when I see this picture, a warm, peaceful feeling washes over me. That is the wonderful thing about pictures. You can remember just how you felt when it was taken.

Nature is one of the greatest gifts we’ve been given. Finding harmony with nature grounds us, reduces stress, clears our head, fills us with peace, and brings us closer to Him. For that, I am grateful on this Sunday morning.

Thank you for stopping by today. The coffee is on and it is heavenly after being sick for days. Glad you could join me. ♥️

Andi

I could write Oops! with every blog I post. Sorry about the typos! Working on both phone and desktop simultaneously doesn’t prove to be effective. (Don’t ask me why I’m on both.😬) On my latest post “Stranger in the Window Seat”, somehow the word “stranger” drifted to a place it had no business.🙄

Please visit my site to view corrected versions of everything! I am so not perfect! 😄

Thank you for overlooking minor details, because I view them as major!

Andi ♥️

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that was so strange it gave you a weird pain in your chest? Chills, too? I have, and not so long ago.

This is conversation took place on my flight home from Maine. I flew from Bangor to DC, then DC to Indianapolis. 

American Airlines

October 12, 2019

DC to Indy

I find my seat and sit down next to a man who is in the window seat. A girl comes down the aisle and sees that he is in her seat. She says it’s alright and she suggests that she takes his assigned seat. He agrees and stays in the window seat.

We weren’t sitting there very long before the man asks me something in a very southern drawl. I didn’t understand him, so I said, “I’m sorry?” He repeats it.

He asks, “Are you a Mainer?” 

I said “No. No, I’m not.” 

And he said “Yes, you are.” 

Then he turns toward the window and doesn’t talk to me the rest of the trip.

Did you notice where this conversation took place? DC to Indy. He doesn’t know that this is my connecting flight home from Maine. 

Just threw this one out there for fun today. It was pretty creepy though. He had no idea my love for Maine or that I just came from there. It wasn’t even his seat to begin with. I had about 2 hours or so to think about this before we landed. Apparently, I’m still thinking about it.

Thank you for stopping by! Hope I made you smile!

Coffee is still on! ♥️

Andi

It wasn’t until I spent time in Italy in June of 2012, that I discovered my love of poppies. Poppies are the main wildflower all along the roadways there. At least in the region of Abruzzo. The ones I saw were the bright orangey-red ones. Those are my favorite. Poppies are such happy flowers.

I worked for a florist for seven years so it was fun to visit a florist and greenhouse in Italy. I love flowers, all flowers, still nothing compares to the beauty of wildflowers.

Since my trip to Casoli, I incorporate poppies into my home. They take me back to my roots, a most beautiful place. One day, I hope to have a field of poppies and other wildflowers of my own.

Thank you for stopping by today! I know this was short but hopefully it was sweet. I’m enjoying this day and my time with you.

Coffee is so good with friends. ♥️

Andi

Are you a dreamer? I am. I have no idea what a day without dreaming would be like. What fills up the mind without dreams? All I know is…I don’t want to know!

Dreams refresh me. They give me hope and fill my days with anticipation of something beautiful to come. I also believe dreaming keeps me young at heart and feeling energized. I don’t think I’d trade dreaming for anything.

I’m also a hopeless romantic. I looked up a few definitions of hopeless romantic and I like the one I found in dictionary.com/e/slang.

“A hopeless romantic is a person who holds sentimental and idealistic views on love, especially in spite of experience, evidence, or exhortations otherwise.”

I am a dreamer and a hopeless romantic. And I think they are perfect together. Like butter in my coffee, they compliment one another. I think my poem below illustrates that pretty well. They make me who I am and I’m happy with that.

DREAMS
 
As the autumn breeze brushes against my skin,
It whispers softly to me,
Of dreams and schemes and mysteries,
And takes me to places I long to be.
 
Spring rain falls gently from heaven above,
With my arms outstretched, I twirl around,
I raise my face to greet each drop,
And I find myself dancing in Paris town.

Or I’ll visit a castle across the seas,
Where romance never dies,
Drink ale in a pub in the emerald green,
Or ride a black stallion beneath crystal blue skies.

I dream of a place to call my own,
Set deep within the spruce and pine,
A cabin enclosed by drifts of snow,
Built from my heart; true love’s design.
 
Dreaming a simple dream or two,
During the night, or in the day,
Gives love, and hope, and inspiration,
Painting rainbows in skies of ashen gray.
 
So I encourage you to dream a dream,
No boundaries there to trap you within,
To experience love on a river walk,
Under the moonlit sky, the magic begins.
 
As for dreams, they truly release me,
From troublesome day-to-day woes,
And take me wherever…whenever,
My yearning heart desires to go.
 
By Andi
December 23, 2012

Some dreams I’ve had to put in God’s hand because I need His help. That requires a great deal of patience on my part. Others I will work toward in making a reality. Determination behind the dream is key.

I hope you dream. Life doesn’t always have to be black and white. Dreams color your world.

Thank you for stopping by! I am sick with influenza so I’m not drinking coffee currently. But I hope you enjoy your cup!

Be well! ♥️

Andi

P. S. I’ve been writing while under the influence of fevers. Please kindly overlook errors. 🙃

I wrote most of this blog last night. I meant to send it this morning, but time didn’t allow. And now I am sick in bed after leaving work early. This is the one time I wish I had a fever to burn this whatever-it-is, out of my system. My body hurts!

Last night…

As I sit here in my bed with my cup of nighttime tea, I have started four blogs. Although the titles are crystal clear to me, the contents keep blending together. I can’t keep them separate as my mind is buzzing like a very active hive. I know I won’t be able to sleep this night unless I write something down to eleviate some of the noise. This is the only blog, the fourth one of the night, that is coming together for me. I hope it will make sense to you.

A friend of mine told me a few days ago that he views me as a wise person. And while I appreciate the compliment very much (I do), I really don’t see myself as being so wise. Especially, not tonight.

You see, I’ve failed again in several ways, and in a relatively short period of time. You can’t unfix some things or ask for moments back. Sometimes it’s just done, there’s nothing you can do, and you just have to figure it out and how to get back up.

I have learned much through my years, and most of the time, I’ve taken the most difficult route possible to get where I’m at today. I guess if you want to call my learned lessons “wisdom”, I won’t fight you on that. I don’t want to fight. But to consider me to be a wise person, well…I just don’t feel worthy.

Tonight, I feel an emptiness. Except for the bee hive in my head. I talk too little. I talk too much. I wait until things build up and then spew them out of my mouth, like…well…you know. (It’s the flu season. Grab yourself a visual.)

If my path to “wisdomhood” was visible to the naked eye, you would see my body riddled with bruises, cuts, bite marks, scars, broken bones, and a very scarred heart. I paid a price for everything I’ve learned. Some carried hefty price tags due to my arrogance, negligence, selfishness, and impatience. Others were on the clearance rack and purchased for little to nothing. All life-altering though. Or should have been.

I’ve learned lessons from the elderly and even from my children…and many who fall in-between those generations. And while I often hear what was spoken, I don’t always listen. Hence, the wounds I carry.

I do know that learning from your own mistakes is really key. Using what you learn to not repeat the same is even wiser. Maybe you are wise. I just don’t feel quite there yet.

So here I am in an uncomfortable place. My bed is fine, but my heart is not. Please, I do not ask for sympathy. What I do ask of you is to not give up. I want you to know that not everyday is a perfect day, a sunny day, or a good day. But it is still a day. A day you’ve been blessed with.

Praise God that He allows us to go through these trials. It’s through these times that we can look to Him for comfort and strength. And His infinite wisdom. I truly need His comfort tonight.

I appreciate you being here even though this post may sound repetitious. I know you are here for the coffee too, and while I am drinking lots of liquids tonight, coffee isn’t one of them.

I am hoping that this post encouraged you in some way. ♥️

Andi

Do you ever feel overwhelmed with life and it’s difficulties that you just want to hop in the car, get on Interstate 70, and head west into the sunset? That’s where I’m at today. I think a road trip is exactly what this girl needs. Would I be just running away though? I had to think about this.

I do know first hand, that running away is not the answer to problems. I ran away many times but mostly by drawing inward. I became sad and withdrawn. A recluse. A prisoner of my home and in my mind. Circumstance kept me there because I was weak. Those were darker days. Not totally dark, just darker. I had children who made me laugh and dear friends who cared about me. There were moments of happiness. I finally found the strength to change my life. I discovered the power was within me. Just like Dorothy from the “Wizard of Oz”, I simply had to want it bad enough.

I did physically run away once. That’s how I discovered St. Joe, Michigan, and it’s lovely lighthouses. Located directly 60 miles east of Chicago across Lake Michigan, this little shoreline town instantly became my happy place. The water is majestic with its ever-changing personality. The sandy beach reminded me of Florida, with the roar of foamy waves, and awesome sunsets that would highlight ships off in the distance. Watching storms move across the vastness of the water is both scary and beautiful. The railway swing bridge over the canal is unique and fun to watch in action. The town is quaint and welcoming. The little bookstore and ice cream shop are two of my favorite places to visit, besides the piers, of course. Yes, I ran away once and found a treasure.

Yet, would I encourage running away? No. At least not in the manner which I did. The problems were all still there waiting for me when I returned to reality. The tension washed over me in waves as I began my drive home. I truly felt as though I was suffocating. So my venture was only a temporary distraction. It wasn’t a cure. I had no more answers to my life than before I ran away. Maybe I had even more questions.

But today would be different. I wouldn’t be running away. I’d be taking a road trip. I’m not running from anything or anyone. I’d be running to someone. And that person would be me. Kind of a continuation of my Maine trip last fall when I learned so much about myself. I’d simply be taking a break. Reflecting on my life. Rejuvenating my spirit. Refreshing my soul, and resting my weary heart. That way I could return to my life rested, stronger, and maybe a little wiser. I’m not wanting to escape my life like before when I did run away. No, I’m looking to be better at handling the life I have. That’s the kind of road trip I need right now.

Everyone needs a break from daily routine. This would be an example of taking that first breath of air from our oxygen mask before helping someone else. If you get the opportunity, go for it. Make it happen. Take some time for yourself. It’s not selfish. Connect with nature and find God’s healing power. Step out of your box and into the magic circle.

Thank you for stopping by. I hope your new week is blessed and that you find a way to take a break from your routine. Even if it’s just a little coffee break with a friend. ♥️

Andi

So yesterday I fell at work. Yeah. Not fun. I was backing up and caught my heel on a piece of furniture and down I went on my back. I believe it was the S L O W E S T fall ever in the history of falls. Instantly my wrist hurt. Gradually, I felt pain in other places. And today I am stiff and sore.

Sometimes we fall.

I haven’t fallen in a long time. Physically, that is. I actually fear falling because I have a new hip. It scares me about the damage a fall could do to that. I’ve seen the x-rays. I see what’s in there. Yeah, I don’t want that coming apart and coming through. 😳 I fell out of my fuzzy slippers once and broke my finger. That wasn’t fun either. But the hip thing…yikes.

I have fallen in other ways that are not physical in nature, but hurt way worse. I bet you have too. This type of falling happens way more frequently than an actual physical fall. Some people won’t admit that though and I know a few of them. But guess what? They have. We all have fallen. It hurts to fall because pride is often involved. There may be repercussions related to our fall where others have gotten hurt as well. We don’t typically like to hurt anyone. We shouldn’t anyway.

Making poor or rash decisions can cause a fall. Not researching beliefs thoroughly while trying to beat those ideals into the brains of others can cause us eat a lot of crow later. And unless you are on a strictly keto diet, you might get tired of that. Our way or the highway. We can be wrong. Arrogance trips us up a lot. Lying, cheating, distortion of truths, all have ways of coming back around to bite right where it’s most embarrassing. 🍑

Let’s try to be better at catching ourselves BEFORE we hit the floor. My fall yesterday was definitely in slo-motion. I hope all your falls are in slo-mo so you can right yourself before ending up on your backside.

Thanks for stopping by twice in one day.
Love our coffee breaks together!♥️

Andi

It is Friday and the sun is shining! Plus, I have the day off. How perfect is that? I am looking forward to getting some much needed vitamin D!

Today I will post a couple of reminders for you to think about and hopefully, put into action.

First, take care of yourself. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Just like on a turbulent flight, you must take your oxygen first so you can care for someone else. It’s not selfish as I once thought. Make sure you fit in some “me” time. Go for a walk outdoors even if it is still chilly. It will clear your head. Your body will thank you as well.

Do you realize that our bodies were designed to work? Yes! Ride a bike. Work in the yard. Walk. Cut wood. Movement is good for you plus it stimulates the brain to function more efficiently.

Also, try to avoid certain foods, like processed foods, sugar, and artificial sweeteners. Food directly affects the mind and body. Be mindful of these things so you can have healthier body, better focus, and a more positive attitude. I admit that I struggle as I have a serious weakness for sugar. And I am an emotional eater. I failed yesterday. I failed terribly. But I won’t be discouraged. Today is day one…again. And I am happy that I have another day one!

Secondly, wherever you are and whatever you are doing this day, I hope you seek out ways to encourage others too. We never know what is going on behind-the-scenes in other people’s lives. So many suffer alone. Be that person to step out from your place of comfort and listen to what someone might not be saying. Be observant. Leave an encouraging note for your coworker. Make a phone call. Visit a neighbor. You will find blessings in helping others. It’s the little things that make the most difference.

But do try to include some type exercise and healthier eating in your day, even if you already messed up with that donut this morning! It’s okay! Just start from this moment. It’s all good!

I am wishing you a wonderful Friday!

And as always, thank you for sharing a moment or two with me.
And a cup of coffee.♥️

Andi

Communication is the key to every single relationship. I don’t think anyone would disagree with that statement.

When we begin a new relationship, a relationship that absolutely clicks, we cannot talk enough to each other. We share our histories, our likes and dislikes, our beliefs on every topic ranging from religion, to child rearing, to diets, to hobbies, and politics, etc. We share our dreams and goals too. EVERYTHING. We can’t seem to find enough time to share enough. That’s a good relationship. Whether this is a BFF relationship, or a prospective marriage partner, we rejoice in the closeness we found in this person.

Relationships also include people who come into our lives like coworkers, neighbors, church members, or those who marry into the family. Communication is still just as important. Maybe it’s not as intimate as others, but it still requires the sharing of ideas and information in order to get along in the best way possible. So while things are good, we talk. We determine boundaries and expectations. And life is pretty awesome.

Sometimes, though, things start to cool off for one reason or another. Communication is the first to go when actually this is the time we should be talking all the more. Relationships break down. Marriages fall apart. Best friends back off. Not always, and certainly not with every relationship. But many do. I think when we put all of our faith into people to do and say everything perfectly, we are let down…and, of course, we fail others as well. Relationships need to be nurtured, fed, and cared for. After awhile, we tend to neglect and forget. We begin to see faults instead of all the things we loved about that individual. I can’t begin to explain all the scenarios of why, or the how comes. All I can say is that we are human. We are not perfect. And often times we are selfish. Sometimes the changes in communication are so gradual, we hardly notice until we find ourselves in a really bad place.

The problem is that when a relationship is in a downward swing, our expectations are still at the same high level that was set when everything was going great. Inevitably, when communication slows down or stops, those expectations become thorns in our side when they are not met. We get angry, and actually expect more and more for some reason…without communicating. It makes no sense really, but I’ve seen this many times. We don’t talk. We just expect the other to know, and to do, accordingly. “They should know what I’m thinking” type of attitude. We also have a tendency to become extremely hypersensitive to anything said, and especially to what’s left unsaid. That certainly doesn’t make matters any better. And so discord abounds.

EXPECTATION WITHOUT COMMUNICATION IS A LOSE-LOSE SITUATION. People always get hurt and often the damage is not repairable. We need to be mindful of others all the time. It’s not always about us. In fact, it’s less about us and more about others. Consider that a person will ALWAYS remember how you made them feel. And even though offenses can be forgiven, emotions tied to them will most likely never be forgotten. Life is stressful enough without constant breakdowns in communication when it certainly can be prevented. Especially in those relationships that need to function in a healthy manner because they are long term.

So what am I suggesting here? I am suggesting that we pay close attention to our relationships and how we communicate with each other. I don’t believe that every issue needs to be considered critical or battle-worthy. Be kind and considerate. Do all things with humility and in love. Nurture relationships. Not every marriage has to end in divorce, or your best friend kicked to the curb. We should be doing a whole lot more of mending fences. Talk to each other! Life is short.

Thanks, friend, for stopping by today. I am very happy that you did.

Coffee (and conversation) with friends is pretty sweet.💕

Andi

PS I know my picture isn’t the best quality, but I saw it as a perfect representation of our communication with each other. Hopefully, we can sail together instead of drifting apart.

We are never too old to be set straight. I can personally vouch for that.

As I went through the movements of the last few days, feeling sad and broken because of circumstances in my life, I was reminded by a friend that things could be worse. And they definitely could be. With that being brought to my attention, I actually felt slightly ashamed for how I was feeling.

I do completely understand their point of view. I am struggling with issues that I personally cannot change. But, as time passes, these issues will most likely improve, and be but a tiny blip in my memory. Okay, maybe a big blip. But a blip, regardless. My friend though, speaks from a painful place that will never get better, only worse.

Two points I’d like to make.

Health. Take care of your body the best you can. This body is housing your eternal soul. You need your body to work at its best because a sick body robs you of the physical abilities your soul needs in order to do work while here on this earth. It robs your mind of clarity. It steals hours, days, months, and years because your main focus is on yourself and your physical struggles. There are those like my friend, though, who are sick, but not because of anything they did or didn’t do. And that makes me sad. And it makes me more compassionate to understanding their point of view concerning my issues. Things could be worse so cherish good health.

Perspective. Even though my situation is most likely temporary, I am still allowed to feel. I recently wrote a blog called EMOTIONS. God designed us to have many emotions. I believe this is a great gift. Emotions tie us to each other and bring us closer. When we laugh, we laugh together. Isn’t it a blast to share a good, hearty laugh with a friend? One that brings tears to your eyes and makes your face and abdomen hurt. Sadness brings us close together too in order to comfort one another. There are many emotions to cherish and embrace. Simply put, it is a gift to feel the way I do. I am allowed to feel the sadness and brokenness. It is a blessing to be human and to feel. On the flip side though, I need to keep things in perspective. I cannot allow my emotions get out of hand only to rob me of the many good things in my day.

To sum it up: Take care of your health. Allow yourself to feel. Maintain a healthy perspective. Embrace your humanness.

Thank you for being here. I appreciate you so very much. Sharing coffee with you is a blessing. ♥️

Andi

Life is like buying a perfect piece of land with a vision of a beautiful garden. The vision requires planning. The vision requires work. The vision doesn’t just happen. And if the land is left idle it is only a piece of land.

A garden requires tilling, planting, cultivating, watering, nurturing…and so does a fulfilling life.

When you have a dream, plan your strategy while doing what you need to do to survive. Work diligently to make it happen. Sacrifices will most likely need to be made.

When you find that special someone and you envision a future with that person, then cultivate it, nurture it. If you don’t, someone else will.

Don’t be discouraged if others cannot see your vision. It’s not theirs to understand or interpret.

Vision. Dreams. Goals. Planning. Action.
Live your life to the fullest.

Thank you for being here.
The coffee is always on. ♥️

Andi

i walk down a wintery path
in silence i reflect
on the many lives i’ve lived
and of the many hats i’ve worn
…and i wonder
how do i feel about it all?

i look upward into a snowy sky
i enjoy the touch of snowflakes upon my lashes and upon my cheek
and for that moment, i am a little girl of nine
when my dreams of a storybook love first began
…and i wonder
how do i feel about it all?

my head spins as i travel
through the many years
of happy moments
and of the saddest of times
of now realizing the true meaning of lonely
and of knowing the true meaning of love.

sitting in my gazebo, i listen to the silence of the snow
which is broken by a skipped beat of a scarred heart
and a breath that is not mine
and i realize the fragility of the human spirit
and how that sometimes (many times)
life just isn’t fair.

i walk the wintery path toward home
and i’m met by my delightful offspring
who’ve only just begun their earthly journey
how can i teach them of love and of heartbreak
…when i wonder
how do i feel about it all?

By Andi
January 19, 2013

I wrote this poem several years ago. I continue to wonder about love that I’ve had…and lost. And whether that void will ever be filled. I reflect on the lessons I’ve been taught through the years. I cherish the young girl inside me who is still very much alive…who still dreams wonderful dreams. And I wonder if she will ever grow up. Or if she even needs to.

I wondered what to write tonight. 😬
I hope you enjoyed this poem. I write poetry for myself so therefore, I understand them. Posting them publicly is stepping out of my comfort zone. It’s my hope that you can relate to some of what I write. ♥️

Thank you for coming by again. I love having you here. It’s always a perfect time for coffee with friends. ☕️

Andi

“Forever that person who gets really excited when the sky is in pretty colors.” -unknown

This would be me for sure. The older I get, the more I love and appreciate nature, and rejoice in the simpler things of life. But mostly I’m drawn to the vastness and beauty of the sky. God’s canvas is an ever-changing masterpiece. Every sunrise, every sunset, and all the sky in-between have a beauty all it’s own. I hope the majority of those skies fill you with peace.

No matter where you are the sky is a constant. You can enjoy the beauty of it from a rocky mountain top or while kayaking through a river gorge. It’s not always brightly colored but it is always beautiful, and sometimes, mischievous.

When the skies are grey and heavy, I picture myself on a plane. As we take off and head upward, we pass through those clouds. And what do we find on the other side? The sun. Try to remember that, especially during the long, sunless winter months. The sun is always shining. We are only separated by clouds.

While I enjoy the early morning sunrise, I think I love sunsets best, but I’m really thankful I don’t have to choose between the two. I believe that sunsets over water are some of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.

I am forever that person who appreciates the beauty of a changing sky. I hope you are too.

Thanks for coming back. I appreciate you!
Enjoy your coffee! ♥️

Andi

I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this blog so far. I’ve had great responses from readers too. So I’m a happy girl. 😊

I appreciate that you are not the grammar police because I know there are many violations. 😊 I am not an English scholar. I just write. I do review my blog, put it away, review, put it away, review…etc., until I feel it’s suitable. Then after posting I tend to find a few more errors. But it’s too late. I can (and do) make corrections to the original but it’s too late for what you receive by email. Thank you for overlooking errors while focusing on the message. I appreciate YOU!

I have gotten a great start by blogging everyday for these first two weeks. I will probably bring it down to 2-3 times a week. As much as I enjoy writing, you probably don’t need a daily email. It will free me up to get things around here at home too…although, I could write 24 hours a day, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Thank you for your support and for your input. Thank you for being here again today to read this blog update.

Hot coffee is so good on this cold day! ❤️

Andi

One Sunday morning, back when our family was still young and growing, we decided to visit a tiny, white building which housed a church. Originally, the building was built for a few families to gather to homeschool their children. We unloaded our then five children out of the suburban and marched them into the building, little knowing that our lives would be forever changed and richly blessed by love of an elderly man, named Buddy.

There was just a handful of people attending there at that time. Our seven people filled up a row. Everyone greeted us with handshakes and smiles. After hearing a wonderful message by Buddy, we prepared to leave. Everyone shook our hands and smiled once more, suggesting, hoping, that we would come back again. As I was walking out, Buddy caught me in the doorway. “Can you teach? We need a teacher for the younger children.” And the rest is history.

Buddy quickly became a “member” of our family. He and his lovely wife lived about 35 minutes away, but he spent a tremendous amount of time at our home over the next couple of years. He studied with us. He took time with our now six children and he took time with me and my husband. We all fell in love with Buddy.

On his way to our home in the fall, he would stop at a farmer’s market and pick up a gallon of cider and maybe some persimmons to give us. We would sit around and talk about his life as he had so many stories to tell. A few I still remember but my busy life erased many from my mind. And that saddens me. One story I do remember was when he was in training in the military. He had to crawl under barbed wire while being shot at with live bullets. He lifted his head up slightly and a bullet hit his helmet. He laughed when he shared that story with us but I am sure it wasn’t so funny then.

Eventually, he had to retire from preaching and he and his wife decided to move back to Tennessee to be closer to their son and his family. Buddy was sick. We visited them while he was still able to get around. He took us on a country music star scenic bus tour in Nashville. That was fun. I still remember seeing Alan Jackson’s beautiful home from the road.

We continued to keep in touch daily by phone. He still answered our many questions and gave advice when we needed it. Or, sometimes, we just chatted. Finally, he just wasn’t able to do that any longer. We got a call one day that he wasn’t doing well. We loaded into the van and drove five hours to his home, praying all the way that he’d wait for us. He did. We sat by his bedside. I read the Bible aloud as that was “home” to him and a great comfort. The Bible was his life. We held his hands and even though we could no longer understand him verbally, his eyes reflected love. No fear. Only love.

We finally had to say our last goodbyes. That broke our hearts. I could see the sadness in him as well and that was hard to take. He passed away a day or so later on September 21, 2004.

Awhile before he passed, he and I had a conversation about Bibles. I asked if I might have the Bible he opened up to us so many times. He said that I could. Once he passed, I did receive a Bible but not that particular one. That Bible went to his grandson because it had been accidentally left in the truck that was given to him from his grandad. I selfishly was a little sad about that.

I remember having a meltdown one day because of the loss of such a great friend. And his passing was truly a huge loss in my life. I was alone in my room and I held that old Bible, and even though it wasn’t “the” Bible we studied, I was soon to discover it held a gift that made it all the more special. As I cried (I may or may not have been feeling sorry for myself), I held that Bible close and I felt something on the back cover. Curiously, I looked it over and when I realized what it was, I cried even harder. For on the back cover AND on the front, were the indentations of his thumb and fingers. Buddy would hold that Bible at his side while he stood. His thumb on the back cover and his fingers on the front. I quickly found pictures taken of him with my kids and there he was holding the Bible in just that manner. To me, it represented how tightly he hung onto the Word of God. He never let go of it his whole life. I found such peace in realizing this wonderful gift he left me and I was reminded of what was truly important. It wasn’t all about me and my loss…or not receiving the particular Bible I had asked for. And I was greatly humbled…again.

Every once in awhile, I will press my fingers and thumb into those indentations and I am reminded to get back on track. Buddy’s love will was great, but God’s is far greater. Sometimes we need earthly reminders because we are human and tend to forget.

I thank God that He gave us Buddy during the end of his life. It would have been great to have known him for longer than a few short years, but everything is in God’s timing. He knew our family needed Buddy then. He also knew that we depended on Buddy so much, maybe too much, that we needed to finally stand on our own. I don’t believe that is why Buddy had to leave, but there is a lesson in everything. And I am grateful for that.

I felt this was an appropriate story to share on this Sunday morning. I actually had another blog prepared when I thought of this about an hour or so ago. I think I was supposed to write this today for some reason. I hope you gathered something good and uplifting from it.

Thank you for being here when you could easily have chosen to be somewhere else. ♥️

This morning’s coffee is Door County Frosted Cinnamon Roll. It is pretty good, don’t you agree?

Andi

EMOTIONS

Is there shame in expressing sadness, heartache, or pain,
To look toward the sun and only see rain,
Is it absurd of me to feel such emotions,
Must I drink from the well of those “feel good” potions?

My feelings are genuine and very real to me,
Please don’t condemn because you can’t see,
That the positive and negative, together compose,
The very essence of people, with their highs and their lows.

Perpetual happiness is wrong to expect,
When a heart is so broken; emotions reflect,
As God in the beginning blessed all of mankind,
With many emotions, at His will He designed.

So cherish and marvel at this wonderful gift,
Knowing life isn’t always joyful and bliss,
While lifting a sad soul to a happier place,
Variety of emotion is worth the embrace.

January 25, 2013

I wrote this when I was going through a very difficult time. Actually, I was going through my divorce. And I was sad. I thought about emotions. Why do we have them and where did they come from?

You often hear one person tell another to not be sad. But I believe that sadness is just as important as happiness. I’m not talking about depression. I’m talking about the emotion of sadness.

Emotions were designed by our Creator. And He was perfect in His design. Emotions bring people closer together because when there are no words, hearts speak to each other. Emotions are expressive, and they make life colorful.

So don’t stifle sadness. Instead, comfort. Strengthen. Be compassionate. Be understanding. And always, love. ♥️

Thank you for sharing this cup with me.
Your presence is always welcome at my table.

Andi

In continuing with my thoughts from yesterday, I’d like to expand a little more on finding your gift.

When I was in junior high school, I had an amazing language arts teacher, Miss Mahoney. She, and my favorite singer, John Denver, helped me discover my love for poetry. Along with my own poems, I would write down the lyrics to his lovely songs and put them in a folder. I would read poetry books. Even Rod McKuen’s sultry poetry books. 😲 I’d listen to America a lot. Their songs made me anxious to start my life. I wanted to get on the highway and just head west toward the setting sun. I simply loved how poetry and music made me feel.

Then high school happened and my interest turned more towards friends…and boys. While music was still very important to me, poetry quietly disappeared. Before the start of my junior year, we moved away from the friends I grew up with and loved. I was sad for a long time. It was a hard transition. A year after high school though, I was married. Children came and well, life just happened. To make a very long story short, I finally rekindled my love of writing poetry in my early 50’s. I had gone decades without writing. Well, except for the many “letters to the editor” I wrote. I could be pretty vocal at times. 😬 Imagine that.

What I’m trying to say is that writing has been with me my whole life. It laid dormant for decades, but it was still there. Kind of like preserved in a cocoon. Now I can’t imagine not writing.

What do you have tucked away just waiting to emerge? Do you know what your gift is? I think deep inside you do. Don’t let others hinder you. Don’t keep it dormant. Don’t make excuses, and don’t wait to enjoy it!

Because I consider writing to be a gift and am so grateful for it, my intention is to always use it for good. I desire to write thought-provoking and encouraging messages that stir your heart in a good and warm way. My heart is filled with appreciation for what’s been given to me.

When you discover your gift, or if you already know what it is, be sure to share it. A gift has more value if it is given to others.

Be kind. Be loving. And do all with thanksgiving in your heart. ♥️

Thank you for stopping by!
Coffee with you makes my day brighter. ☀️

Andi

A few years back, I was told by someone that I am not a writer.

“You are not a writer.”

I held back the tears.

Writing is a huge part of me and makes me who I am. So I was devastated. I didn’t understand the reasoning for that statement. It came out of nowhere. I couldn’t say a thing. I just sat there. Crushed. Still to this day those words continue to cut through my heart every time I try to write. Yes, every time.

It makes me wonder then…

Who is a writer? What makes a person a writer…or not? And who gets to decide? Can a poet be considered a writer? A news reporter? A dreamer? A simple girl with a simple blog?

Maybe this person believes you are only allowed to wear the title “writer” if you are paid to write. If that is the case, I am not a writer, as I do not get paid. Once upon a time, I had my own column in a newspaper. It was a trial run for the paper to see if they could reach people across the state line. It was short lived, but I did get paid. And I got to use a really nice camera. 😬 I guess I once was a writer.

Just to be fair, I am not here to shame this person. Everyone has their own opinion. But their opinion does not override the opinions of others, or of my own. What was their purpose of trying to shatter my dream? That, I just cannot understand. Although the words spoken years ago hurt just the same today, I will still write. Sometimes it does put doubt in my mind and I find it hard to move past the block. But I work through it. Writing means that much to me.

I know several people who express themselves very well through writing. They put me to shame. I personally consider them to be writers. They do not get paid. They didn’t start a blog. But they have a gift. A gift of expression. And that is how I view writing.

I would like to touch on a two points before you leave me today.

My first point is EMBRACE YOUR GIFT. And I believe every person is gifted in something. Don’t allow anyone to destroy that special part of you when they say you aren’t a dancer, a painter, a singer, or a writer. Love all that makes you who you are. Even if there’s no paycheck. Embrace your ability. Have fun with it! But if by chance someone does says something hurtful, just know that it isn’t about you. Move past the block and work on loving and perfecting your talent.

My second point is WATCH YOUR TONGUE. It is razor sharp and can drop an adult to their knees. Imagine the damage it does to a child. Always be mindful of what comes out of your mouth. Preferably, BEFORE you speak. You cannot take back how you made a person feel. You just can’t. This person acknowledged what they said to me sometime later. But the damage was already done. Think before speaking. SIMPLY be kind and supportive. And if you cannot find it within yourself to do so, please…just walk away.

Be grateful for all that you have…and for your special gift. Be thankful for challenges because they make you stronger. Be compassionate toward others. Count your blessings. And love yourself!

Thank you for being here. I am so glad you decided to have coffee with me. You made my day. ♥️

Andi

The scenic photo is of Big Long Lake, taken in 2012. A place that gives me peace.

Life can really beat us down sometimes. And it can often be brutal. It’s during these times we need to pay careful attention to how we communicate our situation to others. When things are horribly bad I realize it’s not really our main concern…about how others view us. But if we are going to let loose about our life and it’s hardships, then yes, we need to care. When we bring a person into our world, we need to first consider our purpose for sharing with them. Is it for help? Is it for advice, or is it purely for sympathy? Do we need comfort? What do we really want from them?

Often during difficult times we become weak and even bitter. Then when we do share with others, we sometimes don’t have our filters turned on or we wear our heart on our sleeve. Everything, plus some, comes spilling out. I know this to be true because I’ve been there. There is a difference between honestly needing help, venting, and whining. Our design is such that we need each other, so I do not desire to take away from well-meaning conversation and/ or comfort in time of need for help and advise.

When we whine, we:

1. …isolate ourselves from the rest of the world. Our problems are bigger than anyone else’s and no one has ever experienced the same. That is often our mindset. We are all alone because no one can possibly understand.

2. …build a wall that no one can scale or break through. Honestly, we truly don’t want anyone to come into our domain. We prefer to throw it all over the wall to you. We won’t even listen to the help before us because we truly do not want it.

3. …demand sympathy. Feel sorry for me, please! We would rather waller around in mud because we find comfort there…and attention, which leads to…

4. Drama. Some people live for drama. They want to be the center of not only their world, but yours too.

5. What we do not realize is that when we whine purely for the sake of complaining, we dump our mess into someone else’s lap. We often ruin their hour, their day, their night, etc., with our problems. Many people are sponges and healers. They take on other people’s problems and make them their own. Yes, that is a fault to some extent. They should be able to put up a barrier to protect themselves, but they don’t always do that. When you unload on them, you place on them a heavy burden which they happily take home with them…because they just love sleepless nights. And they do this while you skip away feeling lighter and happier. So whining can put undo stress upon another.

Venting is “using” a person as a sounding board. You aren’t asking for anything at all. When we speak out loud, we can ”hear” the story ourselves. And with that, we can pretty much figure things out on our own along with some discussion with our friend.

So no matter whether we’ve lost our job, are experiencing sickness, are financially broke, have kid problems, or mother-in-law problems, etc., we need to ask ourselves what is the reason for sharing. If it’s not for help or advice, then maybe let the dust settle a bit before sharing. Sometimes situations look better a few days later.

Just be careful who you talk to. And be sure you understand your need for sharing the story. Is it purely for attention? Or do you truly need help and/ or comfort?

It’s always great to have you here. Coffee is better with friends!

Andi

Sitting in the sunroom on this cloudy, Sunday morning, I am enjoying the view of the sunrise as it tries to break through the clouds, which have been a heavy canopy over my home for way too long now. Two of my besties are with me. My dog, Hercules, and a hot cup of coffee. As I scan the room, I notice how wonderfully, healthy my plants are and that makes me happy. Then I focus my attention to the oldest plant in this room. My tricolor Madagascar dragon tree. It absolutely loves this room. I don’t recall when I first brought him home because it was so long ago. This tree was in our classroom for at least 12 years when all of my kids were home. All the lessons it sat through, along with the laughter, the jokes, the singing, the loving, and the scolding. This tree has been here in this sunroom now for six and a half years. So he is getting up there in age.

I am feeling very grateful for memories with my children and the blessing in everyday life. Even when things aren’t going so great. And if a simple tree in my sunroom serves as a reminder of these things, then I guess it’s okay to have a sentimental attachment to a dragon tree.

Thank you always for stopping by.

The coffee is good this morning. And so is the company. ♥️

Andi

Because of you, I have…

“Butterflies and Roses”

Butterflies and roses,
gifts from a friend.

Treasures I’ll keep
from now to my end.

Dragonflies, rainbows
bring tears to my eyes,

Of both joy and sorrow,
of hellos and goodbyes.

The moment you left us
many hearts broke.

But loving kindness
was the story you wrote.

So I’ll treasure these gifts
and remember your smile.

And the warmth of your love,
I’ll carry each mile.

I miss you beyond measure
as everyone does,

But you left us your legacy
of compassion and love.

Butterflies and roses,
gifts from a friend.

Treasures I’ll keep
from now to my end.

Written in honor of Michelle 🦋
November 11, 2016

Happy Birthday, Chelle. ♥️

February 1, 1962

Thank you for being here.

Andi

All the people closest to me know that I do not like change. When I see an actor who I haven’t seen in awhile, I get sad at how much they’ve aged. When I drive past the house where I grew up and see all the changes made to it and how mature all the trees are in my yard and in the neighborhood, I get homesick. As my kids grow up and get married and move out of my house, my heart hurts. I want my mom here. And my best friend. That is the hardest change of all…death.

I can’t help it. There are just some things I don’t want to change. Ever. But, realistically, all those I listed are out of my control. I have no authority or power to change any of them. And I am finally realizing that fighting change, arguing with change, despising change only causes me more grief. I’m in my 50’s and finally getting a grip on this whole concept.

On the flip side, are the things that we can change, and we shouldn’t be afraid to make them. Granted, I still fear change of any sort, but I’ve undoubtedly had to make changes throughout my life. Good and bad. This doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled with decisions I’ve made, or like Lot’s wife, turned back to see what I’ve left behind.

2019 was a very good year for me in many ways. I found my inner happiness. I did things on my own and basically, grew up a bit. Things that were BIG in my eyes. And in doing so, I learned so much about myself. Then I made some good, positive changes.

And yes, change can absolutely be good. An example is that I recently changed jobs. It was a great move for me. It’s not 100% what I need financially but the rewards are priceless. My personal growth this past year has been due partly to my new job.

Maybe in our late teens, early twenties, we have this view of how our life will be. We plan it all out. School. Job. Marriage. Family. Cute, little cottage home on Sycamore Street. But once we actually get into life, it doesn’t go as well as we envisioned. But that can be okay too. We can accept it, then make it good by adjusting our mindset, and making necessary changes.

A friend of mine is remodeling an older home. He walked into the project with ideas. But as he started tearing into it, he’d make a change here or there. His friends would stop by and make suggestions that he never thought of but really liked. So he made more changes. And, although, he’s remodeling the same house, it won’t look anything like he thought it would when he started the project. But that doesn’t make it bad. In fact, it’s going to be even better than he initially dreamed.

Such is life. Don’t be afraid to step out and make changes from the original plan. Listen to good, sound advice from others periodically, too. Weigh their suggestions, and run with it…if it’s good, positive advice. Change doesn’t need to be on the naughty list.

Life should be colorful. It’s like painting a canvas and adding splashes of color wherever you need it, but also where you desire. It’s your painting. Your canvas. Your life. Make it colorful by adding changes here and there. It may not look anything like like you planned out at the beginning, but it could be even better than you dreamed.

Embrace change. Make life colorful.

Thank you for stopping by!
The coffee is always on. ♥️

Andi

S – steals
T – time
R – relationships
E – energy
S – self-worth
S – spirit

Stress.

We are all too familiar with it. It is in every corner of our life. Once you clean out one corner, you turn around and there is another stressor staring at you, face to face. Many times, there are more than one stressor when you feel you are at your weakest.

Stress in today’s world is much different than in past generations. The advancement of technology has brought along with it a whole new, extensive set of problems. In a day when technology was designed to alleviate stress and make our lives easier…well..it just hasn’t. True, there are great advancements in the medical and science realms to keep us healthier and safer, but as far as in our personal lives, technology hasn’t been all that grand. This is my observation and opinion.

I have enjoyed the reconnecting of friends and family on social media. But I also admit to spending an overwhelming about of time on it anticipating likes and follows, cute emojis, friend requests, connections to the outside world…the list goes on and on. Texting is another issue that has gotten out of hand. Precious time wasted when I should be loving on my family here at home, going out for a walk, taking my dog for a car ride, reading, writing, working on my household “to do” list, or visiting a friend in person. All of these get placed on the back-burner. And no one pays attention to the back-burner.

Stress comes in many forms, not only from our use or misuse of technology. However you want to look at it. We have bills, children, aging parents, special needs, PTSD, illness, death, marriages, divorce, decisions, schedules, deadlines, work, travel. The list is endless. All of these add stress to our lives. Truth is we cannot avoid any of them. They are a part of life today.

Stress affects each one of differently. Some become emotional eaters while others lose weight. Many toss and turn all night. Sweet people become bitter and react verbally with salty, mean words. Some turn to alcohol or drugs as “coping” measures. Others become quiet and hibernate within the recesses of their mind. Some become cutters. Then there are many, just too many, who feel there is no longer hope and no other way to escape the pain associated with stress, so sadly, they opt to take their own life.

Stress steals our time, our relationships, our energy, our self-worth, and our spirit. And most of what we worry about, and all the scenarios we create in our mind that “could” happen, never do. A week from now, a month, five years, or 20, we won’t even remember what stole this particular day from us. But it did. It stole a kiss from our significant other. It stole playtime with our toddler, or a hug from an elderly neighbor. It stole a phone call that should have been made. It stole our best performance at work. It robbed us of time with God. It stole our gratitude. And it broke our spirit. It was relentless of what it took from us or how much debris it left in its path. It took and took and took.

But we allowed it.

I allowed it.

As hard as that is to swallow, it is truth. I had to accept it. How we react to stress is key to survival. We alone are responsible for our reactions, and our actions. That’s not to say we can’t depend on others or on God. I do not believe that we were designed to live independent from each other. We need people in our life even if we feel we are better off alone. It’s an awesome way to obtain balance and solutions. We draw from each other’s strengths. That is the beauty of humankind. There is a wealth of goodness in relationships. I believe this.

I would hate to see the actual percentage of time I have wasted on worry and the crazy scenarios I created in my mind in the middle of the night. I spent a lot of time being angry, sad, anxious, depressed, and overwhelmed. It took away quality time with the people I love most on this earth. And I know I hurt them by being short or sharp-tongued at times. Precious time I lost forever which can never be returned.

You are not alone in your feelings of stress. It doesn’t matter who you are, what your social status is, how much, or how little, money you have, or how many cars are in your garage. No one is above the anguish of stress. Know that you are not alone, there are answers, and many, many others who are struggling the same as you. Use this time to make yourself stronger and more assertive. No matter what you are going through, or have gone through, lift someone else up. Turn your focus and your energy to helping others. That is very healing in itself.

Pray for strength. Pray for vision. Pray for others who are experiencing what you are going through for you know their pain. And I will pray for you.

Stress. We cannot avoid it so let’s accept it and learn how handle it wisely. Help each other. Listen to what someone is “not” saying. Be a good friend.

If you, or someone you know, is in a place of desparation, please know there is help out there. I am enclosing the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number.

1-800-273-8255.

Because someone needs you here.

I am grateful for your visit.
Thanks for sharing a cup with me today.

Andi

A special thanks to my friend, MH, who suggested I consider this topic.

My Christmas Angel

The living room was a huge mess when Kayla and I headed out for our evening together. I figured I’d finish the Christmas decorating on Sunday afternoon. You see, I always took charge of all of holiday decorating myself. I was on a mission. A 3-4 day mission. I was tough. Tougher than I should have been. I admit that now. The older kids knew the “look” when they put a snowman, a bell, or a bow in a place that I did not designate for that particular decoration. I guess I’m just too much of a perfectionist at times. To a fault, maybe. But, ohhhhh, the pure joy on their faces when the decorating was complete. To see those precious faces light up was my reward. To this day, they say I made their Christmases magical. That’s all I wanted.

But right before Kayla and I left, I saw stockings hanging off the rail in the loft above the living room and a little girl, of 10, racing around like she consumed a pot of coffee. Without yelling at her to stop, I simply placed my hand on my forehead from the instant migraine I received at the thought of all the work I was going to have to do tomorrow, and walked out the door.

When we returned later that night, I noticed from the driveway, snowflakes hanging from the living room curtains. It was dark then so with the Christmas tree lights and the dangling snowflakes, the front window made our home look cozy. And inviting. I actually thought it was sweet of her to remember those and my Grinch heart softened….just a little.

When I walked into the living room, all I could do was stand there in awe at the beautiful sight before me. Mattea put the star on the tree and even though it had fallen over, it made the tree complete. She placed snowmen perfectly all around the room. Garland and red bows decorated the rail along the loft overlooking the living room. Decorations here and there. All strategically placed. But the most amazing of all was the fireplace. Garland was strung from one light to the other on the stone of the fireplace. Big red bows were attached to each light. I had never in our eleven years at that home ever thought of adding garland and bows to the fireplace, and it was…perfect! She was beaming with pride and so very happy to see my happiness at what she had accomplished all on her own. I told Mattea how very proud I was of her and how tremendously happy she made me.

As I reflect back to those earlier years, I wonder how much joy I stole from my older kids by not allowing them to help me. That thought kind of made my heart hurt.

Never underestimate your children and the capabilities of those young, beautifully designed, minds and bodies. Enclosed within their tiny heart is the purest desire to please. That’s where they find joy, as well. Let’s not stifle that. I humbly acknowledge that this little one taught me a lesson. Life Lesson # 402.

December 2, 2012
Edited January 29, 2020

I will drink my coffee this morning and reflect on the preciousness of children. Be grateful for every moment with them because they grow up just too fast.

Thank you for visiting me this morning.
The coffee is still hot if you‘d like to sit awhile. There’s always much to talk about. ♥️

Andi

For many years now I have been intrigued with a particular rusty old bike. This bike is always in the same place. It is never ridden. The snow drifts rise up around it in the winter and the scorching sun beats down on it in the summer. Through the winds and rain, sleet and hail, it remains in that one spot. Never moving. Always quiet. And I wonder.

I wonder what the story is surrounding that old bike. It appears to be white in color. I cannot really see all the details from the road. I can’t even tell if it is a man’s or woman’s bike. I will tell you that it is in a huge parking lot of a factory and chained to a light pole. It’s not located in the front of the lot but more off to the side. My mind races with stories of this mysterious bicycle as I pass by each day.

Sometimes, many times, I have thought of going to the office of that factory to see if they can tell me the history of the bike. I will drive by and check if the gate is open. When I do see the gate is open I end up talking myself out of going in. Do I really want to know what happened to the owner? And why they left it? I’m not sure.

Maybe someone just didn’t want it anymore. But then why is it still there?
Maybe someone didn’t make it out of the factory able to ride again. Ever.
Or maybe the owner left with someone else leaving their past far behind chained to a light pole.

But I believe in my heart that it was left there on purpose as a reminder or a memorial of someone special. Someone who meant something to those people in that factory. The factory has changed some over the last few years. It was renamed and I don’t know if the manufacturing changed as well. But someone rode that bike there. And someone else knows its story.

As I passed by tonight, I started thinking about someone’s memory of that bike and then my thoughts turned to my own memories. I have thousands that I treasure. Many that are painful. And some I don’t share with anyone. In a way, they resemble that old bike. They are chained to my heart like that bike is chained to the light pole. And no one disturbs them.

I am assuming we all have memories that are chained quietly to our hearts like the bike is chained. They remain there throughout the changing weather in our lives…joy, pain, sadness, and love. I know there are some memories that you probably prefer to forget. But hopefully, there are many more that you want close enough to tap into every now and then. Every memory, though, serves a purpose. A lesson or a blessing. Be thankful for that. All of them helped to make you who you are today.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on tonight about a mysterious old bike.

I hope your day was good and that you enjoyed coffee with me tonight.

Thanks for stopping by.

Andi

Update on June 15, 2020
I added these photos which were taken on my way home from work. It is still there and definitely a men’s white bike.

I believe selfishness is the underlying factor to every “sin” in this world. I think if we dissected every act that is contrary to good, we’d find selfishness as the root. Out of selfishness stems greed, lack of self-control, pride, impatience, arrogance, etc.

But it isn’t always the other person who is selfish. I found myself to be selfish as recently as today. My selfishness, in turn, caused another grief and frustration. Someone I definitely never wanted to hurt or cause even the slightest of ill feeling toward me. I can say I’m sorry all I want but I cannot take back how I made that person feel. All I can do is apologize and not allow selfishness to rule my person again. This old dog can still learn new tricks. That’s only because I want to. (And because I was hit in the head again.) I don’t want my fossilized footprints embedded negatively upon anyone’s heart.

Examine your motive behind the act. Is the underlying reason stemming from selfishness? If so, approach from a different angle. Figure out a truer and better way to accomplish whatever it is that needs to be done. Had I sat down and discussed the issue at hand instead of whining and complaining, hurt feelings would have been nonexistent.

Think before speaking. Even when you are tired. Or hungry. There really is no excuse except for…well…selfishness.

Thank you for coming by again today.
The coffee is still on.

Andi

I apologize for the glitches to my blog. It is frustrating me but I will get this figured out. Thanks for your patience and for being here. It means so much just knowing that you came here on purpose. I am grateful.

I will not get into politics. Please consider this a safe haven from our nation’s current events. But I will say that our country is a mess. We are so greatly divided and that is quite disturbing because we are the greatest nation of all. Our land is diverse with deserts and mountains, prairie, forests, and beaches. It would take more than a lifetime to travel every backroad to find the magical places not included on scenic tours. Our people are as diverse and as beautiful as the landscape. We come from all over the world. We are a combination of many people from many lands. That makes our country even more wonderful.

I urge you to embrace the beauty of our land. I encourage you to see as much of it as you can. Make a positive impact in our great country by doing good in your corner of it. Be kind. Be understanding as we all have a story, a history, a reality. Realize, too, that each of us is far from perfect. Listen to each other. Think before speaking. Don’t feed hatred and it’s ugliness. Be the kinder person.

Those are my thoughts for this day.

Thanks for being here.
The coffee is always on.

Andi

I promise I won’t number each post. I just didn’t know what to title this as it’s pretty much a continuation of my first post.

Getting this blog to go public was causing me great frustration. I am not sure what I did to correct it. But it finally posted not too long ago. The frustration continued from yesterday into today. That means I didn’t sleep well last night. I needed to work again today so I was frustrated all night about not being able to sleep because of my frustration of not getting this blog online. That…..was a total waste of energy. PATIENCE. Everything has a way of working itself out, one way or another.

So here I am and very happy to be here. I hope you find enjoyment out of this blog. A couple of coworkers asked me today why I started a blog. I told them I just have to write. I don’t have another answer other than it’s easier for me to communicate by writing than by talking. I have this desire to help others as well. Hopefully, my thoughts will interest you. Or at least, give you something to think about. We all have our own perspective on things. It’s not necessarily right or wrong. Just different ways of seeing the same thing. I never really understood that concept until the last few years. Seems like everything I’ve learned has been dumped into the last few years.

Remember to be thankful always. Even on the though days. Today, I am thankful I didn’t throw my computer out the window. My blog posted. 🙂

Andi