Nothing, But Everything

Last evening, I decided to do a little blogging from my back porch. I was able to sit peacefully outdoors without the heat chasing me back inside. It was a gorgeous evening. I watched Amber, my daughter’s golden retriever, and Herc, my German shepherd, meander around the yard while I thought.

I admired the field of beans. As the sun lowered in the western sky, it created long woodsy shadows in a golden glow across my yard and field. My favorite time of day. And I thought some more, trying to focus on just one topic. But there were many.

It’s rough being me. My mind and heart are in a constant state of disagreement. Maybe because I am a Gemini and the twins are always at odds with each other. I don’t know. I do know that my heart pretty much always wins over my mind. Maybe that’s why life has been tougher for me. I don’t always listen to the realities that my mind tries to force my heart to believe. I live by my heart. I write from my heart. I dream from my heart. I speak from my heart. I really don’t expect this will ever change. And, truthfully, I don’t want it to. I’ve made it this far in life. Not unscathed, mind you. I carry within me the scars and the brokenness of many battles lost. But it’s okay. I am finally liking the person I am becoming. God is the potter. I am the clay.

But the clean, white pages stayed clean and white on my heavy-duty thrift store bargain clipboard, who someone named Daniel once claimed as his own, as this internal battle raged on.

Enough.

I slipped on my Andrea Bocelli playlist and shut my eyes. I felt the breeze. I breathed in mask-free air. I love being outside.

Still…I couldn’t come up with a single blog to focus on. My mind was full of ideas but that doesn’t really matter when most everything runs off my heart. When my mind tries to override my heart, blogs don’t get written.

Eventually, the mosquitos were too much. They typically don’t bother me, but since Charlie wasn’t with me, they decided I wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t able to stay out long enough to watch the lightning bugs dance in the field. I went inside and put my clipboard away.

I am writing from my bed as I woke up early. My heart is restless which makes me restless. It is time to write. This blog is really about nothing but yet it’s about everything. It’s about being in tune with yourself. Loving who you are and knowing what makes you tick. It’s about glowing sunsets and summer breezes. It’s about living and loving and caring. And it’s about gratefulness.

My mind will just have to settle down. It’s not going to win over my heart. Right or wrong, this is who I am. And I accept the consequences. I will continue to dream dreams. I will continue to hope. I will continue to love deeply. And I will continue to feel, even when it hurts. My heart rules.

Today is a new day. Explore it. Love it. Cherish it. And be thankful for it.♥️

Andi

Photos: a beautiful evening, July 7, 2020