Yesterday I posted a blog which was not in line with my usual blogging. It was harsh. It was controversial. It didn’t include pretty pictures. It didn’t contain poetic verse. Maybe it even seemed mean and hateful. And while it wasn’t in line with my usual writings it was in line with being human.
Usually at the end of the year when Thanksgiving leftovers are but a sweet tasty memory and the anticipation of Christmas festivities has come and gone, I begin to reflect on the previous 365 days. Years ago, I would get pretty sad at the thought of leaving the year’s memories behind, but now I get anxious at the thought of moving forward. The last few years have been difficult and I reluctantly moved into a each new year wondering what problems would be lurking within each new month. But not this last New Year’s Eve. No. This past New Year’s Eve, I was ready. This new year, 2020, was going to be my year. The year when finally everything was going to come together. I felt it down into my bones. And for the first time, in a very long time, I was excited.
January started out great and with much optimism, but by the end of the month, my son got very sick, and then my youngest daughter. It wasn’t long before another daughter became very ill and was sick for a long time. By the time March was here, I was also down for the count. Was it an undiagnosed Covid19 attack on my family? I don’t know for a fact, but we had the symptoms. Testing wasn’t available at that time.
But things became even more serious as March progressed and Covid19 fears filled our homes, businesses, schools, nursing homes, and hospitals. Well, I don’t need to explain to you what’s happened since March. We’ve been living it together.
Now we are living through another national, and worldwide, crisis. I’m not going to get into details as I did that yesterday. This year hasn’t turned out as any one of us imagined or desired. We are all let down as highlights of summer activities are being cancelled. Little league can move forward without spectators. Races are postponed. Disney is closed. Fourth of July celebrations are now being cancelled. Beaches were closed, then opened, then closed again. I believe they have reopened once more. I’ve lost track. So much of our life has shut down this year. Tension is running hot and heavy. People have had enough. With that being said, I want to explore the title of this blog a little further.
Being human doesn’t suggest that we are one-sided. Let’s face the facts here. This year has tested each of us. Maybe for the first time in our lives we are feeling the deepest recesses of our most inner being. Places we’ve never touched before. Emotions have fluctuated to new highs and lows, and stayed longer in places that make us uncomfortable, angry, irritable, and sad. We’ve shown the many different sides of us during the past couple of months. I have seen strong people breakdown. I have witnessed the tears of those who are typically always happy. You are not one-sided. I certainly am not either.
While I was not overly anxious or excited about my last blog, it was still a part of me and my human side. Right or wrong, I am not the only one running off high emotion at times. I believe each of us has had our moments of anguish mixed with heated discussion. And that’s okay, within reason.
I want to put that blog behind me. Not because I’m ashamed or feel the need to apologize, but because I want to focus on the softer side of me. I want to inspire, not condemn. I want to help you to reflect, explore, and dream as I journey through these myself. Together, I want us to find hope and peace and happiness. My ultimate goal (besides heaven) is to plant flowers in my corner of the world. Does this mean I won’t ever show another side of me? I can’t promise that. I won’t promise that. It’s all a part of being human. I just happen to put my thoughts down in writing for all the world to see while you may have your moments when hanging with your buddies around a campfire.
Being human isn’t always poised and graceful because life surely isn’t. But recognizing that we have many different sides to us is important. It makes us who we are. Focusing on the kinder, softer side of us is challenging sometimes, especially in today’s heated world, but well worth the effort. Being human is a gift. Using our humanness for good is where we will find the most happiness and peace.
Thank you for returning to coffee with Andi. I appreciate you so very much. I am drinking keto coffee today and it is pretty good. Share a cup with me and then go out and make this day amazing.
Be grateful, especially on these “human” days. ♥️ Blessings still abound.
Photos: an afternoon drive to Cataract Falls (upper) and Leiber State Park, May 31, 2020.