I wrote most of this blog last night. I meant to send it this morning, but time didn’t allow. And now I am sick in bed after leaving work early. This is the one time I wish I had a fever to burn this whatever-it-is, out of my system. My body hurts!
As I sit here in my bed with my cup of nighttime tea, I have started four blogs. Although the titles are crystal clear to me, the contents keep blending together. I can’t keep them separate as my mind is buzzing like a very active hive. I know I won’t be able to sleep this night unless I write something down to eleviate some of the noise. This is the only blog, the fourth one of the night, that is coming together for me. I hope it will make sense to you.
A friend of mine told me a few days ago that he views me as a wise person. And while I appreciate the compliment very much (I do), I really don’t see myself as being so wise. Especially, not tonight.
You see, I’ve failed again in several ways, and in a relatively short period of time. You can’t unfix some things or ask for moments back. Sometimes it’s just done, there’s nothing you can do, and you just have to figure it out and how to get back up.
I have learned much through my years, and most of the time, I’ve taken the most difficult route possible to get where I’m at today. I guess if you want to call my learned lessons “wisdom”, I won’t fight you on that. I don’t want to fight. But to consider me to be a wise person, well…I just don’t feel worthy.
Tonight, I feel an emptiness. Except for the bee hive in my head. I talk too little. I talk too much. I wait until things build up and then spew them out of my mouth, like…well…you know. (It’s the flu season. Grab yourself a visual.)
If my path to “wisdomhood” was visible to the naked eye, you would see my body riddled with bruises, cuts, bite marks, scars, broken bones, and a very scarred heart. I paid a price for everything I’ve learned. Some carried hefty price tags due to my arrogance, negligence, selfishness, and impatience. Others were on the clearance rack and purchased for little to nothing. All life-altering though. Or should have been.
I’ve learned lessons from the elderly and even from my children…and many who fall in-between those generations. And while I often hear what was spoken, I don’t always listen. Hence, the wounds I carry.
I do know that learning from your own mistakes is really key. Using what you learn to not repeat the same is even wiser. Maybe you are wise. I just don’t feel quite there yet.
So here I am in an uncomfortable place. My bed is fine, but my heart is not. Please, I do not ask for sympathy. What I do ask of you is to not give up. I want you to know that not everyday is a perfect day, a sunny day, or a good day. But it is still a day. A day you’ve been blessed with.
Praise God that He allows us to go through these trials. It’s through these times that we can look to Him for comfort and strength. And His infinite wisdom. I truly need His comfort tonight.
I appreciate you being here even though this post may sound repetitious. I know you are here for the coffee too, and while I am drinking lots of liquids tonight, coffee isn’t one of them.
I am hoping that this post encouraged you in some way. ♥️