I’m Not Ready…

I’m not ready…

…to live a life without little ones under my feet, who hide behind me, holding onto my pant leg, or who fall asleep in their plate of food after running around outside on a sweet summer day.

I’m not ready…

…to sort through boxes and containers filled with one memory after another…of baby clothes, blankets, burp rags, and noisy toys. Of stuffed animals, baby dolls, LEGO’s, cars and trucks, puzzles, and Lincoln Logs. It’s just too hard.

I’m not ready…

…to sort through pictures from not-so-long-ago, of my sweet babies I lovingly rocked while singing made-up lullabies, or reading story books such as, Little Rabbit’s Bath and Froggy Gets Dressed.

I’m not ready…

…to find a new, loving home for my beautiful oak table where meals were once shared and playing dice with Grandpa filled the room with laughter.

I’m not ready…

…to end the annual Holiday Baking Day with my five girls as the guys played video games, stopping only to sneak treats that we’ve made.

I’m so not ready…

…to let go of our school days with silly songs about the planets and the colors of the rainbow. Or to put away the precious Indian Child poem that was each child’s first performance, along with the notebooks, textbooks, workbooks, and library books. Broken crayons, the smell of pencil shavings, rulers, and the Judy clock. Spelling tests. Division. Easy Grammar. I will admit that our homeschool was definitely imperfect, but yet…it was ohhhhh…so very perfect. ♥️

I’m not ready…

…to let go of special people who left this life way too soon.

I’m not ready…

…to come home to an empty house.

Or, to move forward, into the future, alone.

I’m just not ready…

Life happened too quickly. I didn’t heed the warnings from those older than me. I thought whatever moment I was in at the time…would last a lifetime. But it didn’t. And I’d like to have that time back.

Just so you know though, I am truly thankful for each minute spent with my kids while they were growing up and I am very proud of their achievements so far in life. I’m excited about their futures, filled with their own dreams and goals. I just miss them. Terribly.

I’m grateful also, for my life experiences, the good, the bad, and the very ugly. These experiences have made me who I am today. It is my desire to become a better person everyday. And I am blessed every morning that I wake up.

Yes, I am going through a difficult time in life. And, yes, I could keep all my thoughts to myself. But what I’m experiencing is very real. No one should be ashamed to have these emotions. And maybe if I share the things that are heavy on my heart, one person may relate and not feel so all alone. It is my hope anyway. Because there’s nothing worse then feeling all alone.

Treasure your time upon this earth and be ever present in each moment. Moments become memories rather quickly.

Thank you for reading this blog. I hope you will continue to come back. Coffee with you is the absolute best.

Be grateful in all things. ♥️

Andi

Photos: 1-Zeke; 2-Mattea; 3-Mikayla & Denae; 4-Mikayla & Dani and my beautiful oak table filled with Holiday Baking Day goodies; 5-Denae, sitting at her desk; 6-Nathan & Jet working on school; 7-Chelle/ Mom; 8-Jet & Nathan after a great fishing day; 9-five of my children.