Squirrel Time

I found this unfinished post and decided to finish it. I guess I’ve been trying to catch up on unfinished business lately. When I began writing this I was working in long-term healthcare yet. It was April 2020. I know. It’s a cringe moment to go back to 2020. 

A lot has changed in the world since then, and also in my personal life. I’m not the same person I was back then. I bet you might be able to relate. But on the other hand some things never change. Like the need to take care of yourself, and protect your innermost being.

One very important lesson I learned was taught to me by one of my best friends, Matt. Yes, it was one continual lesson after another with him. This little lesson was about taking care of myself. 

As you go about your typical day you constantly give to others. You fix problems. You listen. You give advice. You try to calm drama. You give and give and give. Some people pull a lot more from you than others. They may drain your reserves as you listen to all the problems in their life. You might try to give advice. Often to no avail because…are they really listening? And if you are a sponge like me, you carry each of their burdens as your own. As you emotionally wear down, your bucket empties. You feel wiped out. What do you on days like that? 

I worked in the activities department in a long-term healthcare facility and the work itself was draining, especially in the midst of covid, but there are so many rewards to being around elderly people…whether it is to care for their physical or emotional needs, or by listening to the stories they want to share. But even if you love what you do, as you give to others, even if it’s just your time, you deplete your bucket. 

Before Matt retired, his days were long and stressful as an ER doctor and he had a fairly long commute to and from work. Outside of work, he was needed by friends and family. A great many people desired his attention and his friendship. And he gave it. He did many helpful things for others. He also enjoyed pickleball and hockey. Matt didn’t lack in friends or people who loved him. He filled his time with people and he lived life to the fullest. His mind was always busy though…thinking, creating, helping, playing, and adventuring. 

Matt would sometimes talk to me on his drive home from work. There was a time when he had a nest of baby squirrels. If I recall, they were flying squirrels. We would be chatting on the phone and as soon as he got home he’d abruptly announce he had to go. He wanted to spend time with his baby squirrels. This was one way for him to unwind and connect with himself. His bucket needed a refill and those little squirrels did it for him. After that, we referred to self-care time as Squirrel Time. 

Squirrel Time is different for each of us. I think we all know deep inside what fills us. Is it quiet time with a book? Is it turning your phone off and closing your eyes? A country drive going nowhere? A walk in a park? Working out in the gym? Meditation? What works one day may not another. And that’s okay. It’s about getting off this merry-go-round of a world and loving yourself enough to take some much needed Squirrel Time. 

I used to think I was being selfish by even thinking I needed time to myself. Honestly, I still struggle with it at times. There’s always something that “needs’ to be done. Laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. I worry that D will think I’m lazy and be disappointed in me if I don’t do my “chores”. But he’s definitely not like that. It’s a part of my past that still has a tight grip on me. But I am working on this!

I’m so glad that Matt shared these moments with me. When I was working in long-term healthcare, he’d walk me through the days and help me to better gauge my bucket level. It became easier to know when it was time for a timeout. Not because I was bad, but because I needed some self-care. 

Matt no longer needs Squirrel Time. Next week will be three years since he passed. But the lessons he taught me are still very much alive. Squirrel Time is one of them. Since I am retired you’d think I live in Squirrel Time, but I don’t. It’s still something I have to work at. Sometimes I simply need a gentle reminder to quiet my spirit…like seeing a squirrel. 

♥️

Andi