In The End

When Buddy passed away, I thought about life and friendships on a much deeper level. I decided at that time that if I was given a choice of knowing someone at the beginning of their life or at their end, I choose their end. There is much I learn from the end.

Often, when we know someone early in life, we drift apart. Life takes us on unique journeys on different pathways and those lives don’t often intersect again.

But when we meet, or reconnect, with someone midway in life and especially more towards the end, I believe we see a polished, more complete version of that person. Through all the bumps, bruises, and briars during our walks on our personal paths of living, we discover who we are and what makes us a better person, and we continue to focus on self-improvement. At least we should.

Buddy was a preacher. He was a husband, father, and friend. But what stood out the most about him is that he genuinely loved people. All people. Until Buddy, I had never met anyone with such compassion for other human beings. He was the least judgmental person I had ever met as well. This may not have always been. I viewed Buddy as spiritual maturity at its finest, yet he was still learning and growing.

I think about my own life; the paths I’ve walked and the many hats I’ve worn. As I reflect on my 62 years, I see improvements in how I now walk this earth.

While I believe my heart has always been genuinely good deep down, that goodness did not always reflect on the outside of me. And although I’ve always been told I am good and kind, I struggled with inner battles that made me feel not so good and kind.

Being a young girl with a severely damaged self-image, I spent what feels like a lifetime trying to obtain approval from others, especially from men. This caused me to be self-centered, self-absorbed, and selfish. And it hurt those I loved and who depended upon me.

In the end, in my end, I hope that those who have been with me throughout my life can say that I have been polished and refined. And that maybe they are proud of who I am today. It hasn’t been an easy journey but it has been a powerful one.

This is what I want to see in me:

1) That God has molded me with his very hands and the good heart I had hidden deep is finally being expressed in every part of my life. 2) That a damaged self-image is no longer the driving force of my thoughts and actions. 3) That I was able to make a turnaround from selfish to selfless.

For those who are just getting to know me from now and until I die, just know that I learned life the hard way. It hasn’t been an easy life by any means. And hopefully you are seeing the best version of Andi so far, and that this version will only continue to get better.

Our goal should be that our time here on earth ends on a great note. Our hearts wiser and more loving. Our lives to reflect patience with compassion. And that we have better listening ears with a softer voice.

But our ultimate goal is to be more Christ-like. Allowing God to mold us is humbling to say the least. We tend to want to override God and live our own life in our own way because somehow we believe that we know what is best. I’m here to tell you that I know nothing in comparison to God’s wisdom. Nothing.

In the end…

I want to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” Matthew 25:21

I may not have always been good and faithful, but what counts is in the end. ♥️

Andi

Photos: my favorite tree; a Maine mountain pathway; a rocky ledge at a nature park; a pathway near my home, a beautiful Maine scene.