It’s Not Easy Sometimes

Original post: August 19, 2020; updated and edited.

When I write a post, I write with my whole heart. I think I’m pretty transparent. I do this not because I am wanting sympathy or a pat on the back. My desire is to connect with the real you, so therefore, I will be real. And if we find we have something in common, how wonderful is that? Then we know we are not alone on this planet.

2020 was a year that won’t be forgotten. I struggled with challenges involved in working in long-term healthcare. And at that time, I was single with two girls living with me yet.

A few weeks prior to that August 2020 post date, I had written a post called A Fork in the Road. I believed that a fork was beginning to narrow and the path becoming clearer for me to see direction.

On that particular August afternoon, I went on a much needed nature walk to clear my head and take pictures for future posts. It was while on the walk that I received a generic email to let me know I did not get the banking job I had been hoping for. I spent three weeks waiting and praying after my interview.

The news ended my walk and I found an old bench to sit on. Maybe I am old school, but a personal email, or better yet, a personal phone call, would have made that news a teeny tiny bit easier to take. Needless to say, the tears of frustration fell like rain on that wooded pathway.

How should I have felt about that news? I knew my age is now a great factor out there in the hiring world. I found out shortly after that email that they hired a girl in her twenties for the position even though I had previous banking skills. I understood technology had changed a lot, but I knew I was still trainable.

I felt trapped. Vulnerable. Inadequate. Quite sad. Let down. Scared. And…I was thrown back into having many forks in my road.

I will tell you that I was not mad at God but I certainly didn’t understand His will at that point. I felt pretty lost. Maybe even moreso than before. If only I could have understood.

As I stated I was working in long-term healthcare. My department had our hours cut drastically. During Covid, the government offered unemployment for certain “Covid” circumstances. Having your hours cut was one of those. I tried from May to October to get that help. Every Saturday, I got online and answered all their questions. Repeatedly, they said I made too much money to qualify. I was bringing home a little over $200 a week. The numbers didn’t add up. Still, every Saturday I showed up and filled out their questionnaire online. Well, long story short, my girls and I made it through those months without the aid of the government and, in the end, that made me very happy, even to this day.

I continued to ask God for direction in my life. I continued to surrender my all, as difficult as that was. I continued to love, praise, and honor Him. I continued to hope.

Maybe God protected me from something I could not see with that new job. I knew I had to trust Him.

But on that hot August afternoon, I let the tears fall. And there are many. Tomorrow was a new day.

I know now it was a blessing that I didn’t get that particular job. Things were still not perfect after finally getting a new job in November of that year but it was what I needed at the time. I see that very clearly now. God answers prayers but in His timing and in ways that are most beneficial to us. I believe that.

Be grateful for blessings seen and, especially, for those unseen.

♥️

Andi

Photos: are from my walk on August 19, 2020