I think I figured out a complexity that I’ve dealt with all my life.
I make granola every 2-3 weeks because this is D’s favorite breakfast food. And I really enjoy making it for him. I found a recipe online and tweaked it just a tad. It makes a great cereal.
Last weekend, D asked me to show him how to make it…just in case I can’t make it anymore.
…huh…
I have every intention of always being able to make it. I’m not that old and decrepit, am I?
Well…am I?
Anyway, while showing him how, and as he wrote it all down, I had strong negative feelings that I didn’t quite understand. He could sense the negativity and even asked me if I was angry with him. I told him I wasn’t, but was I? I certainly felt something was off. But I also knew I’ve felt this way before.
So while the granola was cooling, I began to think of other situations in my life where I had the same feelings. The very first thought that popped in my head was when I wouldn’t allow the kids help me decorate the house for Christmas.
Why did I feel this way?
…huh…
Well…I figured it out rather easily.
It wasn’t about me controlling the situation. Not at all.
Really…!
But if I show other people how to do certain things, that only I have been doing, it takes away the specialness. You know…the task I was doing just for them…like how I made our home quite magical at Christmastime. Now, as adults, they tell me that our Christmases were the best memories they had as children. That’s perhaps a huge part of it. It being special.
And like making granola for D.
BUT, also…if they can do it, I feel I am no longer of value. In other words…not needed.
…huh…
I believe that this is exactly what I have felt all my years. It makes complete sense to me.
I have it embedded in my brain that I have to provide something in order to be loved and cherished…and needed. I’m sure this can be traced back to my youth. Of course, it can.
It’s not like I am being stripped of the only quality that makes me worth loving. Right…?
(Now you give me a firm “right”.)
So now that I have figured it out, I can fix it. This could end up being rather freeing. 😊
♥️
Andi
Coffee with Andi 
the hardest thing is to not feel needed. I always felt that I needed to do it all by myself and then it would be done right. Lol
so yes, I am a control freak as well as feeling not needed. Lol
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RIGHT!! 😂😎
Andi, I so get this on many levels. Beautiful post, my friend 😎🙏❤️
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Thank you, Darryl B! I was hoping it wasn’t too far out there. My mind travels and sometimes I’m not sure if I make a bit of sense. 😬
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We all have that need to be needed and as our children are grown…we aren’t needed in the way we used to be. It’s all about adapting to how they need us now. It might just be for a shoulder to cry on, or a copy of a recipe, or just a familiar voice on the other end of the phone call. One day our children will be in this very same place. The adjustment is not easy but very satisfying if you think about it. We raised them to become independent….now they are. Love you.
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Thank you, for your kind thoughts. 😊♥️
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