“This is fun for them too.” Not…

Selfish desires rarely affect only the owner of said desires. Often there are ill effects for those who don’t deserve to be party to such desires. Vision is distorted when something (or someone) is not in God’s plan or in his timing. Way too often children are the ones who are subjected to the pain of these bad decisions. 

When young families split up and one or both parents begin introducing their children to new love interests, often multiple love interests, the parents have a tendency to believe the children are having fun too. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Young children want their parents together. They don’t want to see a parent with multiple partners. They don’t grasp what is happening. Their concept of family structure becomes distorted. Regardless if they are taken to fun outings and events, they are not having fun in the long run.

Of course, I’m not a therapist. I cannot speak for every situation or every family. I only speak from personal experiences. While I did not have multiple partners when my first two children were young, I did marry a man whom I should not have. The trauma those two experienced was something they will never completely heal from…and I won’t either. Even so, I had four children with this man. Beautiful, wonderful children…and to be clear, I will never ever regret having them. 

The point I’m trying to make is that I did not listen to my boys. I did not pay attention to the pain in their faces or the fear in their eyes when I dated that man. And then, I married him and added four more precious souls to the mix.

I have Littles going through a tough time as I write. And it’s not their first time. This has happened multiple times in their little lives and my heart aches for them. A family ripped apart. A parent’s selfishness continues to cause deep wounds that may never heal. They truly are not having a good time. No matter how often you take them to the zoo (with yet another true love), or how much candy or toys is given to them, they are absolutely not having fun. 

Young parents pay attention to what your children are not saying. Put your desires behind what’s best for your children. Be realistic to what IS best for your kids. They need to feel safe and secure. They need a strong foundation. And tag…you’re it. They need consistency and security during those early formative years. They need to be loved first and foremost. 

Hindsight helps no one. You can’t take back what was dished out. You can’t give back a child’s youth. You can’t erase the bad and pretend it never happened. Children see and feel way more than we think they do. They see the truth through it all. My children actually knew more about what was going on than I did because I wore rose colored glasses. I tried to smooth over the bad to show the outside world we were a perfect family unit. I did this at the expense of the very ones I thought I was protecting. Epic fail. 

All I can say is love your kids. Be patient with the forward movement of your life. Everything is in God’s timing. Just be there for your kids.

♥️

Andi