Doors

Earlier this week, I was talking with my friend, Michele, who lives three and a half hours northeast of me. I mentioned how I wish I could visit more frequently. 

Her response was this:

That’s ok you have been able to step through all the doors God has provided!

After my friend (also Michele’s brother), Matt, passed away in June 2023, I visited his family often. As I said, it is a three and a half hour drive from where I live now. I once lived there decades ago and it is where I graduated high school. Before Matt passed I made a promise to him which I intended to keep. And I did, in fact, keep it. 

I drove up there about every other weekend for a few months. When I saw how the dynamics of the situation began to change in a totally unexpected way, but in a very good way, I believed my promise to Matt had been fulfilled. I did not feel I was abandoning anyone. (If I had, I wouldn’t have changed anything.) I was as available as much as I could be with the distance. But I didn’t travel as there as frequently. Yet…I longed to be there.

At home, I knew I needed to change something in my life though. But I didn’t know what. It needed to be big. I was buried under the stress of maintaining my property alone. My job situation wasn’t good. My anxiety level was pretty high. I was at a crossroad. Eventually, I made the decision to move up north, and I began to actively prepare my children with that decision. 

But not everything goes as planned.

Just like the dynamics of my promise to Matt changed, so did my plans to move up there. The only bad thing about this change was that it wasn’t what everyone wanted. And I’m sorry about that.

We don’t always understand the reasons behind everything that happens. Like…why did Matt have to leave us when he did? From our humanly stand point, he was a much needed and loved man here on earth, and he should be here!

But who am I (who are we) to question God’s decisions?

We must understand that God’s wisdom is far greater than our own and our prayers are answered in his timing…and in his infinite wisdom. 

For a very long time, I had been praying that God would show me what path to follow; which doors to open or close. I was so frustrated that I didn’t know his will when I wanted to know it.

All through life most doors were barely visible to me. Maybe I couldn’t see them clearly because they weren’t what I wanted. My vision distorted by my will. Or maybe there weren’t doors available because of God’s timing.  Very few were open with lights on and a welcome sign above the door frame. 

Until recently. 

Things drastically changed after Matt’s passing and when I finally came to terms with everything that had happened over the prior several months. 

A single door opened…

I saw the welcome sign. 

And then another opened. 

And then a couple more. 

Michele is correct. I have been stepping through the all doors that God has been providing me lately. And while I love my family up there, God decided it was best for me to stay here and be a companion to D. I have been needed here to care for family as well. Things are making sense as to why events happened when they did.

But this post wasn’t meant to be just about me. 

This is a post about all of us loving God and respecting his decisions…even when it’s not what we want, or what we think is best. God doesn’t make mistakes.

It is about trusting in his timing and his will. 

It’s about having patience to stay put while God works behind the scenes.

And it’s about making sure that prejudice and selfishness do not hinder our vision to see those doors when presented to us.

It’s also about coming to terms with things we absolutely do not want to come to terms with. But understanding that we must in order to honor and respect God. 

Michele is a blessing in my life. She lifts me up through her praise to God. She’s never at a loss of what to say to comfort or express her love for me. She’s not ashamed of who her heart belongs to. She is a beautiful treasure and I am grateful for our rekindled friendship.

When you are ready, God will present new doors to you. I believe this. I truly wanted to move north. But God had other plans. After all that I experienced in 2023, my heart was finally in a submissive place and I was able to listen. I have been walking through all the doors that God has been placing before me. And he has blessed me beyond measure. More than I possibly could have ever imagined.

♥️

Andi