You are perfect…

Over and over, for the last 11 months, I’ve heard, “You are so perfect for this job.”

Am I though?

I took this job as clerk-treasurer of my small town to get away from the insurance business. Being an insurance agent for two years in a windowless office from 8-5, as I sat behind three monitors, took a drastic toll on my health. It was the worst two years of my life in the workforce as far as the deterioration of my physical and mental health are concerned. Of which I have yet to recover…even after a year away.

Before I accepted the clerk’s position, I was told I would have more free time, which I do, and that I could probably get all of my work done in about 12 hours a week. Well, that has not happened. Nor will it ever happen. This, in reality, is a two-person job.

Because of my personality, I’m constantly being told that I am perfect for this job. I have appreciated that bode of confidence. It made me happy that others thought I’d be good for this town as their clerk. It encouraged me to stay even though it just doesn’t fit…me. But I thought this was how it was supposed to be…..

Until today.

As I struggle (and have been struggling from day one), I realized that just because I might be perfect for this position, does not mean this position is perfect for me. That light bulb went off in my head this afternoon as I heard a couple of times today how perfect I am. It came to me just how lopsided my thought process has been because of how others viewed me. I cannot continue to be a constant people-pleaser at the expense of my own happiness. I am 62 years old and I need to do what’s best for me.

Being a clerk-treasurer is a difficult job. Throughout my life, I was determined to stay away from insurance and anything to do with taxes (the government). Just look what I’ve done with the last three years of my life. I’m not getting any younger. It’s time to do something that brings me joy.

I am on the ballot for November 7th. One woman is running against me. Actually, she’s not. She went to withdraw her name the day before early voting but it was too late. I hope she wins though. She will resign and I will choose not to be appointed. That is how I would like to see this play out. I worry about what will happen to this position, but I can no longer allow worry to interfere with what I need to do.

But then…that last sentence makes me feel awfully bad for being so conceited and selfish. You know, thinking of myself above the town. That’s why I’ve always been a people-pleaser. I waiver constantly between these two ideals. The Gemini twins inside of me rarely agree. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. <sigh>

If I win the election, I will go as long as I can into the new year. Hopefully, my house will sell in early spring and I can be on my merry way. Wherever that merry way leads me.

So while others may tell you that you are perfect for this or that you need to consider if it is perfect for you. Don’t struggle for a year (like me) to stay where you are based solely upon what others think of you.

Ask yourself:

Am.
I.
Happy?

An eye opening day for me. Can’t believe I couldn’t see something so simple until now. I guess the stronger twin believes being a people-pleaser and suppressing one’s own happiness is the correct way to live life.

Wrong!

Sacrificing your life for Christ is one thing. Living life solely by the opinion and approval of others is a totally different ballgame. ♥️

Andi