This morning I said goodbye to my sister. She left at 8:00 am. I had three hours to myself before my ride picked me up for the airport. Those hours were not without tears. I was leaving a lot behind. My sister, my dad’s wife, and my dad. Even the hotel had become home to me. Nothing will be the same again. I’m not good with stuff like this.
Through this week (which seems like a month), I lived in each and every moment. I felt every emotion fully. The good, the bad, and even the very ugly. Sometimes I feel it is a curse to feel so much and so deeply. But this is who I am. I can’t be anything but.
I encountered some very difficult and challenging moments. Emotions reappeared after being trapped for decades in the recesses of my mind. Moments I never wanted to face or experience again. But here we are. Reality isn’t always pleasant and I barely pushed through it. I did not conquer or come to terms with these moments. Not yet. They stem from a long history of pain. It will take time. But I was still able to love. That part comes easy. I feel pain deeply but love is seeded even deeper within my heart. I am grateful for that.
My sister and I spent some quality time together. We talked and enjoyed the beauty of this place on the sea that our dad called home. I tried to take it all in; the sights, the sounds, and smells. I was reacquainted with Dad’s friends. I met some new ones too. I took in their stories and felt the love in their words as they spoke of my dad. This week was packed full and my heart is overflowing. I miss my dad’s wife. I miss my beautiful sister. I miss my brother too who wasn’t here this week. I am once again a hot mess of emotion.
I will be boarding soon. I’m leaving so much behind. I don’t want to leave Dad. ♥️
My heart hurts. 💔