The Waves of Time

Original post: March 14, 2021, in Florida where my father was hospitalized at the time. I was gifted a beautiful place to stay. He passed two weeks later. Edited.

A few days ago, when I was home, I walked at the sports park. That park has such wonderfully good memories for me as I used to run it often. I know many people might not understand how running around the border of a park can give you good memories. Well, maybe it’s just a memory…singular. The memory tied to the park is that of wellness.

But on that particular afternoon, as I parked in my spot, I saw a young family on the playground. I sat in my car and watched them. The wee ones ran here and there while mom and dad took turns chasing after them.

I thought about my time with my young ones at different playgrounds throughout our time together. It really wasn’t so long ago. Was it? I remember the transition from diapers to potty training. I remember the skinned knees on the wood chips around slides and swings. I remember the teeth almost knocked out on many occasions. A couple were successful knockouts. I remember the squeals and laughs, the chasing, and the teasing. Oh…I miss those days. I wanted to tell those young parents to cherish every single moment with their young ones, even if the moments are bad. This season will end soon, and before you know it, your babies will leave to make homes for themselves in faraway places, like Florida, Illinois, or even in another country.

The waves of time…

Today, I walked along the Bay. Tampa Bay to be exact. I watched the glistening waves lightly slap against the sea wall. I compared these waves to the mighty waves of the Atlantic off the rocky coast of Maine. Waves can be subtle. Waves can be calm. Waves can be violent and destructive. Just like time and our seasons of life.

Today, I am a hot mess of emotion as my heart is experiencing both crashing and peaceful waves. I am filled with great sadness and hopelessness as my father struggles for the very breath I take for granted. I am filled with gratitude because someone has shown great compassion and kindness toward me. And I’m filled with peace as I am in a most beautiful place where I can try to make sense of it all. A place where restlessness of heart is not welcome.

I am in-between. I am the link between my children and their grandparents. Somewhere in the middle. And these waves of time, over time, change the dynamics of the shoreline, and of our lives. At some point, my children will be that link between me and their offspring. It’s how the sea rolls. It’s a fact of life. Still that doesn’t make it any easier.

Today, I’m praying for the calmness of the thrashing waves. I pray the salty sea breeze brings breath to my loved one. I’ll embrace the kindness that’s been given to me and ask God to bless that soul. I’ll quietly weep in the comforting arms of the sun and the sea, knowing it is absolutely okay to do so.

The waves of time…

Andi