Who’s An Overachiever?

That would have been me. For most of my life, I’ve been an all-or-nothing-girl. Once I got on a kick, I jumped in with both feet and it consumed me. I lived and breathed it…whatever it was. It would be in my thoughts constantly, even in the dark of night. And it required a great amount of time. But not only that…I tried to excel in everything else that required my attention. Caring for six children. Cooking. Homeschool. Chores. And then a part-time job…as if I didn’t have enough on my plate, I just had to throw that into the mix as well.

Look at me! I can do it all and I can do it well. I snubbed my nose at the slightest appearance of what I thought was failure. 

When I was a young mom, I’d get up at 4:00 a.m. and get my weight training in and a good run before the rest of the house got up and required my attention. I was heavy into weight training and running then and I made this a priority. The rest of the day was filled from top to bottom. Homeschooling. Cleaning. And endless piles of laundry, washed and line-dried when the weather was good. And let’s not to forget all the meals that needed to be planned and prepared. Everything was made from scratch. I ground wheat to make flour for bread. I canned. I had the most impressive pantry. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely loved doing it all. But I tried to excel in everything. No room for error. Everything had to be perfect. I had to be perfect. And if things didn’t turn out perfect in my eyes, I felt very much the failure. 

Through the years, I had written and mental lists of all I needed to accomplish in any given day. For someone like me, who has a definite problem with distraction, overachieving then becomes quite problematic. If I missed the mark, I didn’t hide my failure well and everyone felt it. 

The thing is…no one required this of me. No one pushed me to excel at anything, much less…everything. Well, except for me, myself, and I.

You know what happens when you completely immerse yourself in everything? You burnout. I burnt out frequently. Then I became practically useless even with performing any of the basic things in life. My brain was fried. My energy zapped. My fuse short. I lived a vicious cycle for sure.

I wish I viewed some things back then as how I see today. Being present instead of being preoccupied with making sure everyone on the outside saw our home life as being perfect. That my kids were perfect. I was perfect, and my marriage was perfect. None of that was/is true. I put a lot of unwarranted pressure on myself and on my kids.

Today, I see how my approach was faulty. But even so, I wish for just a little bit of that overachieving zeal, excitement, and energy. I don’t expect to be what I was in my 30’s, 40’s, or even my 50’s, which I loved the most. But if I can keep up with my kids and the grandkids, I will be happy. 

But absolutely…no more overachieving.

♥️

Andi