Outside Looking In/ Inside Looking Out

Original post: August 12, 2020. Edited. A lot has transpired since I first penned this post. Nothing stays the same forever, even though we cannot see the possibilities. Seasons of our life change…when it’s time. And the appropriate timing is best left to God. Patience.

My life is very different now and I appreciate every single day of all that I have. My friends say I deserve this new and better life. I disagree. I don’t deserve this good life more than any other decent person.

The other day I came across two individuals who within 10 minutes of each other shared their lives with me. And to tell you the truth, it felt strange listening to them knowing where I am now after once living deep in survival mode like them. I felt undeserving of my new life because I am no better than these two a beautiful people. So I don’t deserve what I have. I did nothing to earn it. What I will be, though, is grateful for every good and perfect gift.

August 12, 2020

Philippians 4:11-13

As you travel through life you encounter many twists and turns. For awhile you may be quite content and then other times are filled with turmoil. How do you view the place you are currently? Do you feel you are outside looking in and wishing you were inside with the others?

Or are you maybe on the inside looking out, feeling trapped? Are you envious of those on the outside who seem to be living the dream?

Honestly, I feel both of these. How that is possible, I do not know. I feel I am looking in at other’s lives and I desire some of what they have. Not in an envious way. I try to be mindful of that. I certainly know that no one’s life is perfect. And I know that comparing myself to others will only bring discontentment. There will always be those who run circles around me and then some who trail behind. I’m very blessed indeed, but I am missing pieces that are important to me. There is a longing, and an emptiness…my own dreams and goals remain unfulfilled.

Many people seem to accomplish so much more than me in the same allotted time frame. They make work look easy…and they make things happen. Sometimes I feel trapped, like a caged animal. I have the dreams. I just don’t seem to have the know how or means to accomplish them…and life is fleeting. So I remain restless and anxious.

I know that God sees my life and all the broken paths behind me that I’ve stumbled through. And I see now that He was always there to pick me up even when I didn’t realize it…or deserve it. He sees the many forks in the road ahead of me as well. And as I put more faith and trust in Him, I know He will provide exactly what I need in this life. He will answer prayer, one path at a time. I will still continue to dream my dreams. And I will hope. Nothing I desire is impure or impractical. And in all things desired, I would be able to give God the glory.

But in this moment while I wait for direction and answered prayer, I must find contentment. Contentment is wrapped in patience. These work together for peace. The secret to getting through hard times, good times, all times is living in Jesus who gives us strength.

Philippians 4:11-13
11 Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

May peace find you today and comfort your soul. May you enjoy life from both inside and out.

♥️

Andi

Photos: my grand puppy, Sam, and Little Debbie; Baby Sam congratulating me after a race; Me and Sam, when I could still pick him up. ♥️ Photo credits go to jetkaiserfilms and other family members.