These Three

Original post: March 13, 2024, edited

I guess I woke up today on the wrong side of winter. Seasonal depression is a real thing. It’s very real to me. I loved the beauty of the first snow at the beginning of this year, but here it is six weeks later and I’ve clearly had enough. It’s not that I absolutely hate winter. But the bitter cold for this extended time is clearly weighing on me. I get out once a week to go shopping. I make it a point to go thrift shopping before I go grocery shopping. That is something I love to do. It makes me happy. But that’s the extent of me getting out.

As I said this morning didn’t begin well. I had to do some apologizing. D is so kind. And understanding. I have the best world. It’s my attitude that upsets the cart.

I decided to get on my computer this morning which I never do. I used the computer once last week for the first time since we got married. Typically, I use my phone for everything. Well, last week I updated the computer. I hadn’t been on it since the update so it was a surprise to find something on my desktop that wasn’t there prior to the update. God works in wonderous ways.

I found the rough draft of a post I wrote almost a year ago. I checked on WordPress and indeed, I did post it last March. I read it and it gave me a bit of peace. Through the post, I had a good talk with myself. That’s when I started apologizing to D. God is good. He knew what I needed.

THESE THREE

Yesterday I came home from my new job…discouraged. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to talk to a single person. I knew my state of mind would only bring others down. I didn’t want to do that. Not at all. But D did want to talk to me. He wanted to know about my day and about the new job. As you know, I wear my heart on my sleeve. And sometimes I lack discretion. Because we were FaceTiming, I could see my words, my feelings, reflect on his face. Like looking in a mirror I saw my sadness and hopelessness in him. How wrong it was of me to do that to another person. He is a happy man and I robbed him of a moment of joy.

My discouragement comes from me wavering in and out of the decisions I make. For constantly wondering what if. For questioning my judgements. And for desiring the ideal instead of being content in the reality of the moment.

Philippians 4:11: Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

Contentment is something I really need to work on. Really….

This morning I began my day with my stretches while listening to my meditation and my Bible devotion. Then this afternoon I was able to spend time out in the warm sun on my deck.

While relaxing, I thought about yesterday. I decided I should listen to another mediation. I actually ended up listening to several on the Calm app by Jeff Warren. Everything I listened to this morning and this afternoon all pointed me to the same place.

Living in the moment. Being content. Realizing that we cannot avoid unpleasantries. Rising above frustration. Knowing that every moment is just that…a moment. Being realistic and rational. Loving others, always. Instead of looking for the light, be the light. That I am not done learning and growing. I have to do things that are necessary in life. Finding my balance.

God truly provides comfort along with solutions. He did this today.

As far as these three…you may think I’m referencing the Godhead. Well, I will say, I couldn’t be the person I am today without them. And I am ever so grateful. But today I’m referring to something else. The three that bring me the greatest peace in an unsettling world.

Meditation always begins with the breath. As I began to settle into the calm of the moment through meditation this afternoon, I tried to clear my busy mind of the last couple of days.

Mr. Warren suggested I focus on something such as my breath, but while my inhales and exhales were absolutely rewarding, it was a toss up on what to focus upon. Was it the warmth of the sun upon my face, or the whispering wind as it gently brushed against my skin and whipped through my hair, or the music of the songbirds that filled absolutely everything in-between? I decided at that moment that these three are of great importance to me and I’d be utterly lost without them. These three gifts of God.

So my home base, I decided, were these three. And while I listened to the meditation, if my mind wondered, as it typically does, I’d bring it back to home and focus on the sun, the wind, and the song. My deep, intentional breath is the vessel that takes me to the peace I find in these three. Because I know how all of this feels, I can find my way back to peace whenever and wherever I am…just by closing my eyes and breathing.

I reluctantly admit that I cannot live a life in the ideal but must live in the realness of each moment. So in times of discouragement and confusion, through my God-given breath, I will find my focus on the warmth, the touch, and the song that is forever in my heart. My home base. In doing so, I can find contentment in every moment.

Praising God for these gifts. ♥️

Andi

A note: Seasonal depression is very difficult to maneuver through. If you know of anyone who suffers with it do what you can to lift them up and give them hope of warmer, sunnier days.☀️