My Day With the Kids

I’m finally relaxing in my bedroom recliner. It is time to write. My window is open. It was a cooler day. I have a sweater on and I am very cozy. I love the summer sun but I’m still a sweater girl at heart. I slept with the window open last night and I will again tonight. And, of course, my ceiling fan will still be set on high. The sun has set and the birds have sung their lullabies for the night. I love nights like these.

Today was a melancholy day. It began with my phone conversation with my brother last night. He and my sister live 700 miles from me. I haven’t seen them for two years. He has health issues. Leukemia, for one. Instead of cutting up and cracking one joke after another, he was very much grounded. He spoke from his heart. My desire to see him and my sister was certainly intensified. We need to make it happen.

So our conversation set the stage for this day. I had to drive a ways to another town for new tires. This town is where I have many memories with my children as we had fun at the mall. So after my shiny new tires were put on my car, I decided to go to the mall. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but yet I was looking for everything. Everything being my children.

I found them in Dick’s sporting goods store, which by the way, hasn’t changed a bit in the last twenty years.

I definitely found my kids wandering around Barnes and Noble bookstore. My children would agree that there’s no better smell-combination than that of books and coffee. My kids love this store. Every section brought back intense memories that stirred my heart. This is when the first bit of anxiety knocked on my door…and I let him in.

In JC Penney’s, anxiety covered me like a wave, right there in the jewelry/ luggage aisle. I reminded myself to concentrate on my breath so the rapid beats of my heart would hopefully calm down, which they finally did. My head was light and dizzy. My legs, weak. My eyes were leaking. I miss my kids…

I went to Old Navy and DSW shoes. I thought about walking to Rocket Fizz to see all the cool, old-fashioned, and almost forgotten, candy but decided to head toward home. On my way out of town though I stopped at an antique mall. My favorite store. Lots of memories there too and I caught myself making audible sighs as I walked down memory lane. Focusing on the antiques all around me helped me to ward off the anxiety to some degree.

So how did I spend my day? I spent the day with my kids.

Yes, it was a melancholy day. But I remembered my kids vividly. I remember the questions they’d ask me. I remember them getting tired of waiting on me at Penneys. I remember the books and treats I’d buy for them at our favorite stores.

My time with the kids was so short. They grew up fast but left even faster. At the time, while living it, I wondered when, or if, they would ever grow up. But you know what? They did. And now I miss those days.

Young parents, treasure all the moments with your children. Well, most of the moments anyway. Don’t wish for them to grow up. Before you know it, they will be gone and on their own. In.a.heartbeat. And those days were truly the best days of my life.

Don’t be sad for me. Reality is we can only move forward in time. I embrace the memories though even if they do make me sad. I’d rather have memories than nothing. What a gift children are.

I am moving on to a new chapter of my life. And so are they. All of them now. Maybe this is what intensified the feelings I have. We will continue to make good memories though, just as we should. Life is not over. Chapters have been completed but more chapters are being written. As much as I long for the past, the new chapter with D and my kids and grandchildren looks pretty good from here. Even through my leaking eyes. ♥️

Andi