I’m at the airport and heading back to Florida.
I cannot even explain what the last several weeks have been like. The ups and downs, twists and turns of Dad’s progresses and decline. My mind drifts in and out of clouds. I drive here and there and cannot remember a single thing about my drive. Details elude me.
Mom passed away suddenly, and then a year later, my best friend passed in her sleep as well. I didn’t get to say goodbye to either. That hurt incredibly bad. I wondered if I got ripped off by not saying goodbye and telling them I loved them one more time. But did I? They both knew our relationships were solid and full of love. There’s great peace in that.
As I sit here in anticipation of my flight and of the days that lie ahead, I am filled with such grief. Grief that has lasted weeks. This isn’t even the grief. Maybe the most difficult part is that our relationship suffered through years and I didn’t get to speak with him one-on-one before he was sedated. There is such loss for me even though I’ve had this time with him.
I miss my dad. I will hopefully see him tonight and then again tomorrow. There are no longer changes but he is comfortable. I will talk to him again and tell him all that weighs so heavily on my heart. ♥️