Marriage, Divorce, and the Aging Game

Many of you know that I am divorced. Actually, twice divorced. Not proud of it. But it happened and I cannot go back. Nor should I. Whether or not the divorce has just cause, it’s detrimental to the individuals, the children, and to society as a whole. (I know there are serious circumstances that require a dissolution of marriage.) Family though is the very foundation of our world. That’s God’s design. When marriage falls apart our foundation loses a little more strength.

I’ve been divorced now almost 9 years. Separated about 2 1/2 years prior. I am more of a people-watcher now. I watch couples and young families especially. I certainly miss my young family.

On Friday, I bought lunch and went to a park. I ate in my car. I watched a beautiful little family having their picnic lunch on a blanket, like the good ole days. Mom, Dad, and a little boy. I don’t need to explain my view of gender. Also, God’s design. The little guy is at the super cute age right before walking.

As I ate my lunch, I felt an overwhelming urge to speak to them and I asked for God’s guidance as I felt the drive came from Him. I have been trying to listen and hear more. He uses us to reach others. So before I left the park, I got out of my car and walked over to them. Hopefully, they didn’t feel threatened by me as some crazy old lady. You’ve seen my wild hair. Friday was a bad hair day.

I told them they have a beautiful little family. I shared with them that I am a mom of six and my fifth grandchild is on the way. I also said I wasn’t sure if they needed to receive this or if the need was for me to give, but I spoke my heart. I told them I’ve been divorced twice. That is has been a difficult life and I advised them to do whatever possible to keep this precious unit together.

The parents smiled as I spoke. They didn’t say much. Just smiled. It was a nervous one-sided conversation, but Dad thanked me. They also waved goodbye when I left.

I don’t know why this took place or if their encounter with a crazy old lady was posted on social media before I even left the parking lot. It was out of my comfort zone for sure. I did forget to acknowledge God in my conversation which I regret. But I hope I did Him justice. Maybe there was a need for one or both of the parents to hear this. For God knows all. Or, maybe God is trying to teach me to listen and not be a hearer only, but a doer. Maybe it was that we all needed the experience.

As I get older, the world as I knew it, is gone. It’s very very different on the downside of 60. Life is no longer black and white. So many life changes blend the divide into grey. Extra baggage doesn’t help either.

You no longer look for someone to build a family and life with. You’ve done that. Now you watch from the sidelines as your children build their own lives. No…now it’s about a whole ‘nother type of loneliness and finding friendship and companionship. It’s about sharing a front porch swing with someone special who isn’t going to leave you because they have no where to go either.

I never realized this concept of aging. I never expected this. I thought everything would be figured out by this time in life and it would be a breeze, but it is not. Actually, living in the gray area has been the hardest stage of my life so far. By far, the loneliest stage of my life. Even more difficult than my high school years filled with cliques and peer pressure.

I encourage young couples to work hard at preserving their marriage. I believe traveling the downside of 60 with the one you lived life with would/ could/ should be a blessing.

I’ll leave you with this quote. I read it on a fellow blogger’s post.

God designed marriage. We should work our hardest at preserving it.

Happy Sunday. ♥️

Andi