A Fortress

When I was cleaning up the sticks and branches in my yard, I noticed Amber, my daughter’s golden retriever, hiding in the huge pile of branches that was to be burned. I realized that she was hiding from my dog, Nyx. Nyx is a high energy, high strung two-year old German shepard and Amber is going on 15.

I thought about what she was feeling. She felt safe there. Every once in awhile she’d stand up and take a peek to see if the coast was clear. It was not. My hyper dog flies through the air to get from one place to another and often she doesn’t brake when she reaches her destination. Amber can’t take much of that anymore. And I understand. Nyx crashes into me and it hurts. If you aren’t paying attention you could end up on the ground. That has happened to Amber numerous times. So this wood pile became a fortress to Amber. A place of safety.

When I am on overload, I want to hide in my fortress. I don’t want to come out until the coast is absolutely clear and there isn’t a “Nyx” in sight to knock me down. Sometimes maybe I even want to run away. I’ve been told that a few times in my life. I don’t do well with heartache, conflict, or any type of turmoil, actually. Currently, I want to hide in my fortress. But often I dream of running away to a faraway land of magical make-believe. But I have no clue where that is.

I have to face the day-to-day obstacles before me, just as anyone. But I hide in the safety of my fortress to try to handle things from there. Outside of my fortress is scary to me. It’s a wild world to face alone, especially for this woman. It’s full of Nyxes. It’s aging me faster than I care to acknowledge and I find myself not enjoying the beauty of life as I should.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not shaming myself. I have done a pretty good job on my own. I’ve managed things fairly well these last eight years. I’ve kept this household afloat. And I have been blessed to have had people help me to get through the really hard places. But one thing I don’t manage well is my emotional state of mind. The part of me that never wants to leave my fortress. Even through the emotional breakdowns, I try to stand tall. And though sometimes defiant, and often with tears, I usually make the right decisions concerning household matters.

So I understand Amber wanting to stay in the comfort of her fortress. When I gave her loving support and reassurance, she was able to walk with me out from her fortress. We still had a kamikaze Nyx to contend with but we managed better together as a unit. Even though we should be walking with God, our human side was not designed to be independent of one another. That’s Gods perfect design for the human race.

Anyway, I’m sure this message is a jumbled mess and maybe you cannot follow what my thoughts are. I apologize.

I am drinking Italian espresso this morning as I wrote most of this blog in the middle of the night. Maybe that explains the jumbled mess. 😊 Anyway , I hope you make this day a good one. ♥️

Andi

Below are photos of the Flying Nyx. (Pronounced “neeks”)